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Hi I'm Dee. I'm 23 and married. I've worked in health care as well as office settings but am now a home-maker. I'm knowledgeable in a variety of subjects but don't mind doing a little research if asked about something I don't know about. Most of my friends come to me for advice. I read several advice columns and would like to help you also. I'm not judgemental. Your life is yours to live it as you choose. I believe asking for advice is good, but ultimately the choice is yours. You WILL NOT find a hurtful or smartass answer here.
If you have a question that you would like to keep private, you can email me and I'll get back to you as soon as possible.
advice
I am getting married in four months. I have been engaged for four years. However, my fiancee and I have at least two major issues. I just don't know if this is serious enough for me to consider backing down from marriage.
My fiancee and I are not seeing eye to eye on money issues. He feels that when we are married once the bills are paid for each person should have allowance money to spend. The catch is the other person should not ask what the money was spent on.
An example is, he spends money on CD's or a football jersey that's over $200.00. If he used it from his allowance money I should not complain. I'm not ok with this. My parents have been together for over 30 years and consult every detail of their expenses together. My fiancee feels that this is like "reporting" to the mate.
My other problem is that whenever something bothers me (other than money matters), I feel I can't tell him without getting upset.
I email him or try over the phone. This doesn't work. He never wants to hear the bad he only wants things to always be on the upbeat. However, I have issues I want to discuss.
I feel he keeps me from expressing my feelings which turn into resentment. Lately, I have really been questioning my relationship.
Please help me. I'm getting married in four months and am afraid of failing. Please Help ME!!!! Any advice will much be appreciated. I need to hear an expert's advice.
THank you
These are both problems that need to be resolved before you walk down the aisle. Otherwise, the problems may lead to bigger relationship problems.
I think the money issue calls for a compromise on both sides. I can understand your reservations about him making a major purchase without your input. On the other hand, I can also understand him wanting to have a little money in his pocket to do as he pleases. Perhaps you can set a limit you both feel comfortable with. Anything over this limit must be discussed between the two of you first.
As for the communication issue, I think it's essential for you to be able to talk to each other for a relationship to be able to survive. I think it can lead to major problems if you can't talk to your partner. Your partner needs to realize that not everything that will happen in life is going to be good. Instead of ignoring the bad, he needs to learn to face it. If you can't talk to him about things, I think you'll begin to feel that he's not supportive or that he doesn't care.
Marriage is a wonderful thing but it takes work on both sides to make it survive. Sit down with your partner and have a serious talk about these issues. If you can't come to an agreement, I would consider postponing the wedding until you can. Good luck.
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