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He Doesn't Want to Talk About Problems
I am getting married in four months. I have been engaged for four years. However, my fiancee and I have at least two major issues. I just don't know if this is serious enough for me to consider backing down from marriage.
My fiancee and I are not seeing eye to eye on money issues. He feels that when we are married once the bills are paid for each person should have allowance money to spend. The catch is the other person should not ask what the money was spent on.
An example is, he spends money on CD's or a football jersey that's over $200.00. If he used it from his allowance money I should not complain. I'm not ok with this. My parents have been together for over 30 years and consult every detail of their expenses together. My fiancee feels that this is like "reporting" to the mate.
My other problem is that whenever something bothers me (other than money matters), I feel I can't tell him without getting upset.
I email him or try over the phone. This doesn't work. He never wants to hear the bad he only wants things to always be on the upbeat. However, I have issues I want to discuss.
I feel he keeps me from expressing my feelings which turn into resentment. Lately, I have really been questioning my relationship.
Please help me. I'm getting married in four months and am afraid of failing. Please Help ME!!!! Any advice will much be appreciated. I need to hear an expert's advice.
THank you
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The #1 reason for split ups in a marrige is money problems, so it's best that you work this out. I think that you should have a joint account that you dicsuss everything that is spent. Then have two seperate accounts for yourselves.
♥angela
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These are both problems that need to be resolved before you walk down the aisle. Otherwise, the problems may lead to bigger relationship problems.
I think the money issue calls for a compromise on both sides. I can understand your reservations about him making a major purchase without your input. On the other hand, I can also understand him wanting to have a little money in his pocket to do as he pleases. Perhaps you can set a limit you both feel comfortable with. Anything over this limit must be discussed between the two of you first.
As for the communication issue, I think it's essential for you to be able to talk to each other for a relationship to be able to survive. I think it can lead to major problems if you can't talk to your partner. Your partner needs to realize that not everything that will happen in life is going to be good. Instead of ignoring the bad, he needs to learn to face it. If you can't talk to him about things, I think you'll begin to feel that he's not supportive or that he doesn't care.
Marriage is a wonderful thing but it takes work on both sides to make it survive. Sit down with your partner and have a serious talk about these issues. If you can't come to an agreement, I would consider postponing the wedding until you can. Good luck.
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yes i think chicken flavored eggs basically said it all. if you cant communicate with your spouse then your marriage really isnt going to work. marriage is all about communication and successful marriages have communication. maybe talk to him about it, and how you feel, not only about the money matter but also about the whole communication thing. well hope i helped!
Dez <3
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If there are any major issues that you cannot resolve beforehand, DO NOT GET MARRIED. If they are problems now, they will only get bigger once you are married. As YoungGrandma said, money is the number one reason for divorce.
Being with someone who doesn't want to hear how you feel is bad news. Marriage is hard, very hard and not being able to talk about the problems in it, will alone make it harder for your marriage to work. If you have issues you need to discuss with someone who doesn't want to discuss them, you are going to end up feeling alone and miserable. The marriage vow goes "For better or worse..." right?
If he is going to be your husband, he needs to be able to sit down with you and discuss what is going on. If he won't do that, then you should not marry him.
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well i think you need to comprimise because i think both of you are sorta corect. you should each have yuor own money to spend on whatever you want as long as its not too much. i mean if hes spending $200 every week that is a prob. but if he is spending it only once or twice a year you should elt it go as long as it doesnt interfer with bills getting payed or whatever
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I agree with you about the money thing. And I think he's being unfair about not wanting to discuss the bad things. He needs to realize that life isn't always happiness and pink sugar rainbow unicorns. It may seem like only a tiny thing now, but think about it. Do you really want to spend you're entire life like that? Personally, my answer is no, I wouldn't. You need to tell this guy that something has to change or the deal's off. You shouldn't be treated like that.
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Both your issues are pretty major!
Money issues are the number one cause for divorce. If you can't come to some sort of agreement then I wouldn't advise getting married until you do.
I think a good compromise would be you don't have to explain yourself to the other person if the cost is below____. Set a limit you can both agree on.
If you can't talk to each other about everything under the sun...it isn't going to last.
Unfortunately life isn't always sunshine and flowers. Sometimes you have to talk about things you really rather not talk about but have to.
If he isn't willing to talk about both the good and the bad, then I wouldn't advise you marry until you can talk about anything and everything.
Marriage is hard enough, don't start off on the wrong foot. Talk to him seriously and get these issues straightened out first. :)
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