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Hi I'm Dee. I'm 23 and married. I've worked in health care as well as office settings but am now a home-maker. I'm knowledgeable in a variety of subjects but don't mind doing a little research if asked about something I don't know about. Most of my friends come to me for advice. I read several advice columns and would like to help you also. I'm not judgemental. Your life is yours to live it as you choose. I believe asking for advice is good, but ultimately the choice is yours. You WILL NOT find a hurtful or smartass answer here.
If you have a question that you would like to keep private, you can email me and I'll get back to you as soon as possible.
advice
I'm married, and my husband and I rent a house from my parents. I'm 20, and my husband is 21. They've been pretty generous by offering us the house over other renters, and giving us a lower rent. They insist of holding a copy of the house key for emergencies, which is fine with me.
Here's the problem. Lately, they've been letting themselves in without knocking. After my husband and I come home from work and put the baby in bed, we tend to sit around...not completely clothed. More than once now, they've caught us like this; once just walking around naked and twice being intimate.
But maybe worse, they let themselves in when we're not home. I don't think they mean any harm, but they come in, look around, borrow our stuff, and clean.
I'm afraid that they'll find something they don't like and kick us out. I feel that we're adults, and we pay rent, so we deserve some privacy. Am I right that we should have privacy? If so, how should I go about talking to my parents? I don't want to make them feel bad, since I think they're just trying to help.
I think you're right to expect some privacy. However, because it's your parents, this will have to be handled with tact to avoid hurt feelings.
I would sit down with your parents or maybe just your mother. First, I would thank them for their generosity and help. Then, I would gently explain that you would like some privacy. Tell them you would like some private time with your husband and child. Ask that they call before visiting so they don't catch you in a position that's potentially embarassing for all of you. Since they've already walked in on you before, I'm sure they will understand the necessity of that. Since they are probably lonely and wanting to visit with you, try setting aside a night or two a week to invite them over. It will help to make them feel welcome, but on a basis that you're all comfortable with.
Since they also come in when you're not home, you need to talk about that as well. Make sure they understand that you don't mind them borrowing something, but you would like to be aware of it beforehand. It can sometimes be inconvenient when you need something and it's gone. As for the cleaning, unless you are willing to take that on yourself, there isn't much you can do. If you are willing, tell your parents that you appreciate the help, but you would like to try to run your house by yourself.
Good luck. I hope this works out for you.
(Rating: 5) You are totally right. Thank you!