Wife, mother, loyal friend to the end, model, classic car collector. almost 30 years old, and seen alot in my few years here on earth. People usually come to me for advice, and i give in return grounded, realistic answers.
Gender: Female
Location: San diego
Member Since: January 18, 2005
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Last Update: June 30, 2016
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adviceman49
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So I met this amazing guy in June. He's literally everything I want and I fell so hard for him right off the bat. We met at a bar and then he traveled for the rest of the summer so we have been texting ever since. From the start the relationship has been one sided which was usually me reaching out and us having good conversations but him never making an effort. So in September I decided to stop trying and make him come to me.. Then we didn't talk for two straight months and out of a moment of weakness I reached out again. To my surprise ever since we have gotten REALLY close. We unfortunately live in different cities but nothing too major. He's made more of an effort and instead of going from talking every 3-5 days we talked everyday. He still gives me the most mixed feelings. I decided with the help of my friends to stop wasting time, tell him how I feel and see where I stand with him. It was pretty embarrassing.. He was a little rude about it and didn't see how I could have real feelings after we haven't hung out more than once and he couldn't have those feelings.
I decided it's time to move on and didn't reach out. A week passed and he texted me and after a good old time convo he brought it up and wanted to talk about it. He said maybe if we hangout again he could feel that way. I decided i still needed to move on so wasn't going to reach out. He texted me first which is so unlike him for a week straight. We had some good convos and we were closer than ever. Last night he started texting me pictures of a girl he was taking on a date which took me really off guard. He then said "sorry should i not be talking to you about this" and i said no, its a little weird after i recently told you how i felt. He felt really bad. I felt like it was calculated so he could see if i still felt a certain way. I know I am never going to change his mind since he is in med school and will be gone for the next month so we don't have the option to hangout. But I want him so badly. But all my friends say that him sending me those pictures of another girl is really rude.
Can anyone give me an outsiders opinion on what they think he might be feeling/why he would do that/what I should do?
Thanks so so so so so so much (: (link)
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Ok, lets brake this down little by little....This is going to be honest and may ot be what you want to hear but as a chick that finds herself easy for men to really open up to, im going to give you what i think he was/is thinking right now based on what youve told me...
"So I met this amazing guy in June. He's literally everything I want and I fell so hard for him right off the bat. We met at a bar and then he traveled for the rest of the summer so we have been texting ever since. From the start the relationship has been one sided which was usually me reaching out and us having good conversations but him never making an effort."
Answer: This is a pretty clear cut sign just right there that hes just not that interested. This does not mean that you cant still talk and be friendly but usually a guy that really likes you like you him (even remotely) will make the effort.
"So in September I decided to stop trying and make him come to me.. Then we didn't talk for two straight months and out of a moment of weakness I reached out again. To my surprise ever since we have gotten REALLY close. We unfortunately live in different cities but nothing too major."
Ok, another big red flag thats hes probably already aware of that distance is going to be an issue. Now he could just be talking to you because he feels badly that someone loves for him deeply and he doesnt feel the same so he doesnt want to hurt you and thats why hes still talking to you.
"He's made more of an effort and instead of going from talking every 3-5 days we talked everyday. He still gives me the most mixed feelings. "
Do any of the mixed feelings your having include knowing that this relationship doesnt sound workable and that you might actually be barking up the wrong tree??
With some people, after its been made clear that there will be nothing beyond what you now have, it can be too painful to continue communication of any kind....And the fact that your still talking and what sounds like over analyzing everything he says to you, is making you think (or just want to believe) that there is still a chance for you in his life and theres probably not.
"I decided with the help of my friends to stop wasting time, tell him how I feel and see where I stand with him. It was pretty embarrassing.. He was a little rude about it and didn't see how I could have real feelings after we haven't hung out more than once and he couldn't have those feelings."
Ok it sounds like what you actually did was go against your better judgement (hense the mixed feelings) and made it clear to him that you want him and then had to learn what was probably already you first instinctive guess, that he didnt care about you in that way back. Usually men look at all possibilities when it comes to women and already knew that it wouldnt work but because of his feelings, he could not see directly purposefully hurting you if he didnt have to until you pushed it to the point where you made him address it all.
Guys dont just look at females and think "yeah i just want her as a friend" they usually look at ALL "the options" and friend zoning is a last resort. So im thinking he knew he wouldnt be available right now if it got in the way or his carrier but liked you alot and figured if youll give him the kind of attention he wants then he didnt see a problem with it and remained friendly and didnt see anything wrong with NOT contacting you for a month or so.
"A week passed and he texted me and after a good old time convo he brought it up and wanted to talk about it. He said maybe if we hangout again he could feel that way."
K this is him thinking about the fact that you professed your feelings for him and he felt guilty and missed the good conversations you regularly had. Men tend to be creatures of habit ok, and if the two of you had a good FRIEND connection of any kind and he liked your personality then thats reason enough to continue to keep in touch. nothing more.
"He texted me first which is so unlike him for a week straight. We had some good convos and we were closer than ever. Last night he started texting me pictures of a girl he was taking on a date which took me really off guard. He then said "sorry should i not be talking to you about this" and i said no, its a little weird after i recently told you how i felt."
Ok this right here was you obviously getting friend zoned by him. A guy doesnt just do things like that to a women who has openly made such deep feelings known to him. He did that most likely to SHOW you that your a FRIEND and nothing more.
"He felt really bad. I felt like it was calculated so he could see if i still felt a certain way."
Thats correct and you should follow your instincts more often about these things. Theres always the chance that he didnt pan it OKAY but it also shows that he didnt think of your feelings before he did it or how you would react. and the bad reaction he got wasnt expected because maybe he didnt take what you said to him about your feelings all that seriously, which AGAIN means that he doesnt see you in the way you wish to be seen in by him.
"I know I am never going to change his mind since he is in med school and will be gone for the next month so we don't have the option to hangout. But I want him so badly."
Ok so youve already been obviously friend zoned by him a few times over here. Honestly not to be mean but what is it going to take him doing to get you to see that hes not into you like that?? hes sending out all the signals here....Hes also in school and obviously very serious about it so you already know its not going to work....All your doing now is putting yourself through needless pain. Its OK to feel hurt and sad that you cant have him but it just sounds like your both in two different places in life, and he doesnt want the same thing you want which is a relationship and he doesnt sound like hes willing to take the chance on you unfortunately.
"But all my friends say that him sending me those pictures of another girl is really rude."
Well it IS really rude and he should have cut off contact with you along time ago if he were any kind of gentleman after he told you he didnt not feel the same things in return for you. But hes pushing you away and maybe he thought sending pics of himself with someone else would make it more real for you and make you want to push him away without him having to say anything. I mean i can only make guess here as to what hes doing but ive had alot of guy friends over the years and this is typically the way they operate.
Can anyone give me an outsiders opinion on what they think he might be feeling/why he would do that/what I should do?
I hope the above helps some. In relationships i know its easy to let emotions over come you, but honestly we need to be even more realistic about the purpose of any given relationship with people than ever because its easy to get caught up in feelings and then become basically irrational about what is happening.
some people can go so far out on a limb for someone they have feelings for that they often times find themselves sort of "standing there alone" like what has happened to you here. You were way too emotionally invested and he wasnt at the same point yet......idk.....something to think about.
good luck ; )
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Whenever I start studying or doing homework, I get distracted by messages. I turned off iMessage, but I still somehow end up texting my friends at 10 pm at night, not finished any homework. I don't know how to fix this, I always make a schedule for myself including a few breaks but I can never stick to it and I eventually end unprepared for a test or not finished my homework. If anyone could provide me with some other useful methods to stop procrastinating, that would be great! Thank you! (link)
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try turning your phone totally off and thinking of it like this, "if i just do this and bang it out real quick, it'll be over with and then i can get back to messaging and texting my friends.
You need to learn to unplug from your devices so that you can take care of more important business. If you dont graduate are those friends going to get you good jobs or just GIVE you the life you want in the future?? no.
People understand (or need to if they dont already) that you cant ALWAYS be chatting it up with them and im sure there are plenty of times where you message them and they dont message you back until way later because the rest of your friends were busy taking care of more important things if life.
Try teach yourself to prioritize between whats important and whats a waste of time. Force yourself to "just get up and do it now so that you dont HAVE to do it later" this applies to many other areas of life so feel free to use that anywhere to you want. ; )
at the end of the day, the bottom line in life is that only YOU will be held accountable for your homework or studying having NOT gotten done. No one else can claim your responsibilities for you and eventually youll have to answer to someone about it and you wont be able t blame that friend you were yacking it up with, because that wont fly.
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So I have a 37 year old boyfriend and I'm 16. We've been dating for more than a year now. We do love each other and he says he'll wait for me till I'm grown up and wants me to finish college first. In short he's a good man. I'm just afraid of our future ,it really bothers me wondering if our relationship would work out and be successful. Plus the fact that everyone doesn't want us to be together because of age. People who have the same relationships out there please give me advice? Everyone's welcome to comment what's in your mind. (link)
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Ok, this sounds like a "right NOW relationship" and not one that will last unfortunately.
Let me tell you a little bit about ME because this may help ok.
I was 14, and my (now husband) was just barely turning 21 when we first met and became friends. I chased after him with my strong personality and he was a bit of a push over so it worked well. I was wise beyond my years and had been told so since i was little by everyone around my mother. (MY mother and father are actually EIGHT years apart) So age gaps for us are a very common thing in our family.
My boyfriend was smart and quiet, and i smart and out spoken and all in all im someone that knows how to take the lead in many aspects of life.
Well, i married that guy and we've been together for 14 years, with now a 4 year old little boy. But the reason that this worked for us was not only because we wanted the same things in life, came from good families, but i pushed for good communication, and demanded that if at any time we wernt happy with each other anymore to say something if we felt like "this just isnt working".
As time has gone on to current day, EVEN with the seven year age gap, there is STILL a gap in how we both feel a relationship should work. He is very carrier oriented and although before we had our son we planned the life our lives would take and the roles we would both take within the marriage, it is still a bit of a challenge at times. So you see even with this smaller gap in age we have, there is still problems. Dont get me wrong we ARE all in all happy and the things ive mentioned arent anything that we cant work through because we want each other badly, but its not a cake walk at all.
Your issue is that you may not be thinking of his safety. IF you did infact have sex, you are putting him in danger of jail time or at the very least your parents placing a restraining order on him where he would HAVE to stay away from you. Parents CAN do that kinda shit if they feel its needed.
Next, i know he looks good, sounds good, and all that RIGHT NOW but that is temporary. He is older, see's the world ina different light, and is in a different place in life than you even if he doesnt realize it yet. When he DOES, he'll want someone closer to his own age. AKA you could get left eventually.....
Next....In your writting here, your saying that your willing to sacrifice everything....this isnt something you should have to do in order to make a relationship work and if hes any kind of a man (because im assuming you want a man and not a boy based on your pick of males here) then HE shouldnt want you to do that. anytime your in a relationship with someone, theres YOU LIFE, HIS LIFE, and then theres your lives together....APART from each other, and in a healthy relationship neither one of you should have to "sacrifice" THAT hard to make it work.
The cards are already stacked against you because of the laws in this country.
If you want to talk more (because i DO understand) feel free to hit me up, ive been thru allllll this before having married my older man. ; )
I also want to add to this answer that your not thinking of him. Your not thinking that hes a 37 year old that that has needs sexually and that your legally not allowed to meet those needs....Put yourself in his place when it comes to being with a younger person....do you REALLY think its fair of you to expect him to ACTUALLY wait until your old enough to have sex with him?? i dont think so....i'd like to actually talk to you about this matter further if you have the time and would like to pm me.
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Is it possible to dream about something you've never done? I'm not talking about like I've never gone for a walk with my mom and my two friends, so I can't dream about it.
I'm wondering more about physcial experiences, like is it possible to dream about kissing someone if you've never actually kissed anyone? (link)
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lol what a silly question, of COURSE it is possible. In your dreams, anything is possible, even things that see incredibly real.....
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A month ago, my girlfriend and I broke up. We loved each other more than ever, we saved each other's lives countless times. Along the way, her depression kicked in, and she never felt the same about us, and expected me to give everything up like it was nothing. So I tried, I tried countless attempts of fixing things, which later lead to the exclusion of her life altogether. I'm left to rot, another 15 year old guy, with depression, anxiety, and thoughts of suicide. I know, my friends try to help, and this isn't all her fault, I'm just different now. And I want to die, but I know I have to keep breathing for people who need me. Please don't recommend any type of therapy, nothing helps, just please give me advice about how I'm supposed to keep breathing. Thank you, sorry this was so long. I'm sorry (link)
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Well first let me just say that im so sorry your going through this right now. Life is hard enough without having to worry about a partner and THEIR problems or baggage on top of your own, so it was very brave of you to try to make the attempts you did to fix things and coming here was a step in the right direction. Good for you for reaching out to whoever you thought could help. Thats never a bad idea.
Next We're gonna talk about your girlfriend or (ex) rather. This is something you will discover as you get older and something that ends up happening with every single normal functioning adult. This is also the reason why as people get older they "dont have as many friends" the reason is because in life (even day to day life) there is only so much you can take on at once. This is included but not limited to your own responsibilities, commitments, and feelings ALONG with someone elses.....be it your friends, parents, or potential life partners AKA your now ex girlfriend.
There comes a point in every persons life where they have to learn to distance themselves from people who have issues they just dont have the resolve to deal with BECAUSE they already have things of their own to worry about without the ADDED complication of someone elses issues.
It sound to me like you did everything humanly possible that you could and in a relationship the other person is supposed to meet you halfway. She couldnt because of her OWN issues (whatever they may be) and this caused the self implosion of the relationship. This was so bad that it shook the foundation of things between you and she could not deal. Thats not at all your fault, you made a valiant effort but you cant be in a relationship with someone who cannot give you their 100 percent the way that you are giving it to them. Its not fair to put yourself through that, and it honestly sounds like you deserve and good do better.
Next, lets talk about whats happening within HER right now.
Obviously if she really wants the help she so badly needs, she or her parents will find a way to get her that help. If you want to be helpful you might even consider talking to her mother or whoever she lives with and telling them that your worried for her and shes been acting odd and your wondering if she might need some help "FOR HER OWN SAKE because you care about her even if your not together"
I know this is going to sound tough but all you can do right now is love her from a distance. Let her know that your still here for her if she ever wants to talk , but it sounds like she needs to figure out some things in her head right now and get herself straight.
Lastly i just want to give you a little piece of advice about young people in relationships. Sometimes when you dont know what a healthy relationship is yet, people will invest WAY too much of their feelings into that person that they are in love with even though the other person may not feel as deep of a bond or connection as you are yet, and they end up going so far out on a limb emotionally that they find themselves standing there alone because of it.
So in the future try not to let your emotions rule you, people who are ruled by emotions and not by logic are often times unstable and irrational and live their lives moment to moment and dont know how to look beyond today. Look towards the future and get yourself straightened out so that you can attract healthy people who have their lives together and want a man that does too. (not that i think you dont but this is for the sake of conversation here) ; )
Youll be ok, just remember that your were never joined at the hip, keep living your life, you dont have to date right now, take some time for yourself to work on yourself, go do fun things with your friends, and time will pass, your heart will heal, and later youll look back and think "man what was i thinking?!"
good luck ; )
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I feel like i always get hurt in the end.. I have so much to give but i dont recive same love.. I feel like people just use me thay need me and then they forget about me.. I am A student so lots of people are there on test and those stuff but never to actually be there for me.. I have 2 best friends but i dont know if i can still cal them that.. Actually what is best friend..? I dont know and i may never know.. Because people always change and act like soem things never happend and they forget so many thing that i have done for them.. But they never return taht favor or simply love.. I feel liek im good person( i hope its not wird to say that ). The world is so cruel. I am trying to help everybody becaus im liek why not it would mean something to them but they never remember taht how many time i have hleped them.. And for friends i have they are all fake.. They change their personality when tjey're with different people.. and i feel like im the only one that sees that.. And them how much i study,put effort in something on the other side someone who hasnt studyed just going through has better life that me and better future.. How that?
I just look at all small girls trying to act older putting tons and tons of make up fake nails and all those thing.. And in year 12/14 you already had 2 boyfriends taht you both loves so much.. Well good for you while i havent had one boyfriend in m life.. Im just sick of everything right now... -.- (link)
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First of all, i can barely understand what your exactly saying or asking because your sentences are so broken or your english, but i DO wanna let you know that you are more mature for knowing and seeing what these other people your own age are doing and knowing that its wrong and fake.
Next, you have to stop helping people if your expecting something in return. In the adult world, your friends can tell you all about the things their going thru and that they "really need someone right now" or whatever but you have to remember that you can only help someone to a certain degree and then THEY have to take it from there and take care of their own business. You have your own life to live and your own things to worry about, so dont take on other peoples problems emotionally and let it stress you out.
At the end of the day, what their going thru and their weight to burden and not yours so let them deal with their own problems. All you can do is tell them that your "here for them if they need to talk" but you need to take a step back and not go out of your way for people who wouldnt do the same for you.
Also dont offer what you cant give to people. It doesnt matter how long youve been friends with someone, dont help someone who you KNOW wouldnt appreciate it.
I cant tell your getting sick and tired of not being appreciated for what you do for people so lets start small. When you do something for people, if they dont even say thank you, SAY TO THEM "you welcome?" and stare at them and smile. REMIND them that when you do ANYTHING for them, that they need to say thank you.
This is a way to sort of remind them that they need to show gratefulness towards people that help them not just you. If they try to say anything to you about never having said thank you to THEM about something they did for YOU then say back "well you know what, i AM very thankful that you helped me with that, i just never got the chance to say it" then leave it at that.
This lets people know that you EXPECT to be thanked for things you do to help them and that you will NOT be taken advantage of and you demand respect from the people around you. Just give it a try and see how differently people start treating you. Also remember to say it back to people even if its for simple things. Look them in the eyes when you say it so that they SEE that your that your serious.
Dont worry about those fake ass people at school, usually people like that deep down arent really secure with themselves and have to put on this whole big mask to try to make themselves feel better about the fact that they still dont really KNOW themselves yet and may not be comfortable in their own skin.
good luck and just give this a try, you may really start to see a change. ; )
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Last night after my boyfriend and I had sex I went to the bathroom per usually. My discharge had the faintest red tinge of blood. I am about 5 days late for my period with no systems that it is coming. Last time I was about to get my period and we had intercourse it caused me to get my period but that has yet to happen. I'm wondering if the light spotting of blood could mean. I have taken 3 pregnancy tests all negative. Any suggestions? (link)
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Well stress of any kind can often cause missed or late periods, so if that tends to happen to you then dont be too worried. Also If you had "rough sex" without enough lube then that could cause minor tearing in the vaginal walls and yes, it could cause slit bleeding that can sometimes be mistaken for spotting.
I dont think you in too much danger here but none of us are doctors obviously lol.
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I almost had sex with my girlfriend friend we wer both naked I was trying to penetrate her but it wasnt going in...I tried for 5minutes then quitted....no sperm but my penis was just a little watery not that watery...not sure if its precum or her vaginal gland secretion then she had to rub my dick for like ten minutes while standing and she was fully clothed....she told me she had her last period by September ending not specific....we almost had sex oct9...she had her period 6 days later oct15 which lasted minimum of 3 to 5 days...then she had her next period which was not late by nov10 she said it was heavy nd a bit painful it and it lasted for 5 days...it ended nov16...when I approximately calculate her her cycle I notice it was 27 days cycle nd it shows for her to have had period on oct15...her last period most have ended sept 24 nd her fertile period ended oct3 wic is d day after she ovulated...now in Dec she hasnt gotten her period its gettin due according to my calculation... She feels no pregnancy symptoms nd it has been two months since d day we almost had sex...i havent ejaculated for 3 months before the day we almost had sex...der was no friction...but sperm do come out during excretion but it stopped a month before we almost had sex so is she pregnant or not? (link)
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No here can tell you that so on that note:
this is simple. have her take a couple of pregnancy tests if her period doesnt come. Also remember that stress for females can cause their cycles to be irregular at times too, so you might not be the cause.
Also teen girls hormones can be all over the place at times and she may just have periods here and there right now.
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Early 20s/F
I have been married for four years to my partner. Due to some tricky circumstances, we got married very soon after we started dating. We moved in together very quickly, merged finances, etc. I have a kid from a previous relationship that now calls him dad as the child was very young when he entered the picture.
When we first were together, he had jealousy/control issues that he worked on and overcame. We were both sexually attracted to each other and I felt like I was in love.
Fast forward two years from then, I begin to feel that my romantic and sexual attraction for him beginning to fade. Even though he worked through the jealousy/control issues, it was something always in the back of my mind that still hurts me to this day. I speak with my mom, and she basically tells me that I would be an idiot to leave him because he is such a great guy. I pretty much swallowed my "pride" and things seemed okay for a while.
Two more years later, I've now reached a point where I don't even want to kiss him or hold his hand, let alone have sex with him. My temper with him has gotten shorter and shorter. I try all the time to make plans with friends or be away from him. I explained to him how I felt about our love life, and he said that he didn't feel the same way and that he would try what he can to make it better. This was two months ago, and I feel the same if not worse. I can tell he is getting very agitated at the lack of intimacy, but I can't bring myself to barely even say "I love you."
I feel trapped, alone, empty and sad at the whole situation. He is a great guy, who loves me and my daughter very much, and I would consider him my best friend -- but I feel that I no longer have what it takes to be there for him as a wife. Our lives are so intertwined: we work together, drive to and from work together, live together, split finances, share parental responsibility. I do not drive, so taking a "break" from the relationship would basically be impossible. I was 18 when we got married and I feel like a completely different person now than I was before, which may be why I do not feel fulfilled anymore.
I am completely lost and do not know what to do. I have reached a part where even going to couples therapy seems makes me cringe. I don't want to ruin his or my daughter's life, or break his heart, but I feel like I am going insane.
Thank you. (link)
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Ok first, let me just say im so sorry your going thru this and im betting you didnt think this would EVER happen huh? Unfortunately people grow apart all the time. We are all constantly changing and growing as people (even if we're married) and youll either learn to grow WITH each other or youll grow apart....
Remember, that this isnt any ONE persons fault, and that making the mistake of getting married young was one you both made together so this isnt only on you so try not to beat yourself over this, we ALL make mistakes but the fact that your trying to preserve someone elses feelings and that your reaching out to ask for help in doing so is definitely a step in the right direction.
You need to communicate with him about this, in a CALM, logical manner. Talk to him like your talking to friend because thats what he is (or is supposed to be) because hes your partner and he at the very least deserves that from you.
There doesnt have to be some huge rush for you to both untangle yourselves from each other once youve both come to terms with and accepted that "this just isnt working" and that somethings got to change here. Next what YOU need to do is take some more steps towards personal accountability for yourself LIKE getting your lic. getting your OWN car, and doing things on your own. Even if you need to get his help to do it, these are milestones in like that every functioning adult in this world must take. You have a child here that depends on you for everything, and she needs a strong mother who can get things done on her own without the help of a male around. Then once you can do those things, you can make a clean break from him.
I say tell him next time it comes up and your in a place where you can talk about it where your both safe and feel comfortable, that you'd like to just be friends but that you will always care for him and allow him to come see your child even if your not together anymore. (this will most likely fade in time once he finds someone else so i wouldnt worry about him ACTUALLY continuing to come around in the distant future too much)
You can still work together, still live together, remain friendly but keep boundaries and be civil if you think your both capable of that. Because of the spot your in, you sort of HAVE to right now in order to make the transition easier. Take your emotions out of it and consider him a roomie/friend thats helping out for a while until you can get on your own two feet and nothing more. He doesnt exactly need to know this either.
You can tell him that you just feel like youve changed alot over the past few years and your just not interested in trying to make things work anymore, but that your willing to make things as easy as possible until you can both go your separate ways financially and all. For the childs sake thats really all you can do.
If you really want out and to untangle yourself from having to rely on someone else for everything, the only thing you can do is work, save up, and do things on your own. Hopefully he will be willing to help you learn to drive and take the drivers test in his car if you dont have someone else to do that for you.
good luck ; )
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Long story short, the town I reside in is very small and suburban, there are two mediocre colleges (one private and one community), minimal job prospects and just very little opportunity for growth or career success. I've been attending the private college for 8 months for an Associates in Nursing because when I started I couldn't relocate due to a relationship which I am out of now.
I'm an honors student and I've done very well with my nursing classes, but I feel like I was manipulated as the school seemed to glamorize the nursing field, showing nurses (in their info session) with big smiles on their faces casually chatting with happy, social and clean patients as they adjusted their pillows or gave the medication. They promised a high paying and guaranteed job right out of graduation all in just two years. Of course being only 19 at the time, I took the bait and put what I really wanted to do behind me as everybody told me how amazing it was that I chose to be a nurse.
Now I've realized that as much as I find learning about the body interesting that I just don't want to be a nurse. I don't want to work 12-15 hour shifts doing very physically and mentally straining work for pay that isn't that great. I can't see myself changing the dressing on wounds, giving sponge baths, draining sores or cleaning up bodily fluids. I enjoy the company of people, but not people who are distressed, dying, sick or injured. Not to mention the high risk of contracting diseases or being injured. It's just not for me. Then I found out that there's such a huge influx of nursing students that the salary will go way down in the coming years and that job opportunities will be much slimmer.
Anyways, now I've applied to several much more prestigious schools in other locations and got into my university of choice which I'll start attending (and dorming) in January.
I decided that for one, I want to go for a higher degree; a bachelors at the very least, but probably a Masters and maybe even double major. I want to challenge myself and be the best I can be.
I've also decided that I want to follow my heart and major in Government and World Affairs. I want to work in a political, research or analytics position for an international or world wide government agency. Something that requires extensive travel and that will gain me lots of new experiences.
It's something that means a lot to me and is definitely more interesting to me than working in a hospital every day for the rest of my life.
The problem is, I don't know how ideal this field is or if it a degree in it will even realistically land me a job. I also plan to minor in something else that will complement my desired career choice, but I'm not sure what yet.
When I look at it that way though it seems like there really aren't any college degrees anymore that can guarantee you a job because the job market is so bad and none of the baby boomers look like they're retiring any time soon to make room for new hires. So I might as well be going with what I really want to do then right?
The college I'm going to says it's a good career field if I stick with it and that they can get me a paid internship if I put in the work. They have past students working in the white house and other government sites. This is what I really want to do, but am I making a mistake?
Should I be playing it safe with nursing?
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Ok, i understand what you mean, my inlaws are all either in the military, or they are nurses, or CNA's in old folks homes and when i didnt have a job they encouraging me (strongly because my husband has a high paying job) to ALSO join into the same field because of the good pay.
Heres the thing, not everyone can deal with the work it takes, the smells, the sounds, the wounds and people in pain and thats OK. We're not all built for that.
BUT HERES THE THING (and hear me out on this) the world will ALWAYS need nurses. Even if its not in your town and its across country, and not in your town. SO ON THAT THOUGHT how would you feel about continuing the nursing JUST until you got the degree and could register as a nurse so that in future, you could have a "plan B" sort of job to fall back on?? give that some thought.....
Also you dont HAVE to work in a hospital ER either, you can work in pediatrics and/or at clinics where you dont really see anything all that serious....nursing really IS or can be, versatile if you have the certif.
But im always all for going go to school to continue to search for your dream job.
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Hello me and my ex had sex on November 2 and 6th than i didn't get my period on the 19th of November and now I'm pregnant and he is saying that his doctor told him he as a narrow urethra but that was 3 weeks later now he's saying it not his when I know it is he was the only one I did it with. (link)
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Ok so whats the question here?.....
So far we know that you had sex with someone that possibly lies and then is now trying to get out of taking personal accountability.
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Now I'd like to start off that I have depression, for a few years now, I am 17/female. I don't know how this plays into this well enough or has little.
Anyways, for thepast month my depression has gotten hard on me, all the whileI've slowly detached myself from my boyfriend, and with trying to converse with him during those weeks has made him irritated from my lethargy and dealing with me, and soon I called myself off from him and became distant to him. My feelings just started to fade, feelings for him and also I couldn't very well identify my own emotions. It's gotten worse between us and before any of this problem I had made a new (male) friend. I had no intentions to have feelings for him but now they're starting to form little by little. It's all a bit too confusing. Now getting out of the hard hit of depression I had gotten now I'm trying to work it out, but I feel like I'm rejecting a bunch of things out of fear of what'll happen. My boyfriend is sweet, caring, and I'm completely comfortable with but then, sometimes he is just so messy and disrespectful to his parents, embarrassing and boring at times. And then with this other guy, through out my worst days, has managed to make me laugh, talking almost non-stop. While my boyfriend has made me feel pushed away, like what went on inside didn't matter, now all I can explain is "I don't know what's going on inside, I'm sorry" and its tearing me apart if its just depression dampening my emotions or if its legitimate, any of them. Thank you if you read all of this. (link)
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Well first off, you did a good thing in coming here to ask for help. That was a step in a right direction.
secondly, i think you desperately need therapy. The things
that your describing here are really only ones that a professional can help you with. Your kind of in deep if you cant properly identify your emotions, so i would suggest you set up and appointment for that asap.
lastly, with you feeling the way you are right now and being in the state of mind your in, its not really fair to yourself or your potential boyfriend to get into a relationship right now.
You would just be bring the emotional baggage with you and then then in time, putting it on them and thats not fair to either of you. Why do that when you could take some time, work things out, and then be the BEST version of yourself first. Its kind of like under dressing for a wedding your invited to. Would you wear sweat pants or pj's? or wear your BEST party outfit? (whatever that is for you) its the same concept.
Its ok to keep in touch with whoever you want still, but be clear that you are going through some things right now and that getting into a relationship at the moment isnt the best idea. Alot of people live ONLY by their emotions and not enough by logic, and they end up getting so invested emotionally in a relationship that they often find themselves disappointed. Dont let get involved with you if you cant emotionally give back at the same level until you can navigate your way out of the forrest that is your depression first.
and good luck. this will pass ; )
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I'm 25 and my boyfriend is 24. We just started dating about 3 months ago but recently started becoming more intimate. The thing is that when he fingers me he puts his actual fingers in and is kind of rough which I don't like. I'm definitely clitoral so I just like it rubbed. How can I let him know this without it being awkward or making it seem like I don't like when he puts his actual fingers in me especially so rough? I don't want to make him feel bad. (link)
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i agree with the other posters here, also while your sitting together watching a movie or something like that where you know something will probably happen, gently grab his hands like your just rubbing and admiring therm and look at his finger nails. Make sure they are clipped and clean, and theres no places where he can snag and hurt you.
If he has nail clippers or you have a pair you carry in your purse, just take them out and be like:
"oh you have a snag here, lemme get that for you, you might snag yourself on something babe"
Then go over all his other nails "just to make sure" ; )
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As a mother, it's important to me to have a good relationship with my children, but having quite a large family, I feel it's important to keep them under control to prevent absolute chaos from breaking out. I need to teach them good behaviour, good manners, and respect, not just to keep them under control, but to help them become the best people they can be.
So listen to these situations and tell me if you think I might have a bad tendency to overreact and take discipline too seriously. If my six year old son, Cade repeatedly asked me during tonight's Christmas parade if he could cross the street DURING the parade and I said no, but he bolted out in front of a float anyway, would it be an overreaction to yell at him and spank him in front of the crowd there?
If my identical twin sons, Dominic and Shane habitually switched places at school to go to each other's classes and do each other's work, would it be an overreaction to make take away Dominic' s contact lenses so he has to wear glasses to school and take away Shane's retainer at night so he HAS to wear it at school during the day. That way their teachers know that Dominic is the one with the glasses and Shane is the one with the retainer.
If my 12 year old son, Trevor was caught the other day with a girl in his room, would it be an overreaction topay my older sons, Nick and Will chaperone all of his interactions with girls outside of school for an undetermined amount of time? That is, anytime I'm at work anyway.
Please give your opinions and advice. I love my kids and I want what's best for them, but I don't want them to feel like I'm some kind of a warden. (link)
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Ok, im a mother of a boy too so i totally understand where your coming from but lets brake down each of these situations one by one here:
"If my six year old son, Cade repeatedly asked me during tonight's Christmas parade if he could cross the street DURING the parade and I said no, but he bolted out in front of a float anyway, would it be an overreaction to yell at him and spank him in front of the crowd there?"
answer: To spank a child in public is a major thing, not only because of the people who are forced to witness what your doing, but its a humiliating experience for the child. Even if its for their own safety.
The solution there: would have been to grab him tightly by the arm, bend down to his level, look him in the eye and calmly in a serious tone, say that your trying to protect him from getting run over by a car, and that "we dont just run into the street, and if you do that again i will take you into the nearest bathroom and i will take my shoe off (point to your shoe) and i will use it on you"
This tactic Is still a scare tactic because from what you describe here you DO obviously believe in spanking and i do as well, as long as its done in the right environment like a bedroom, restroom, or somewhere that is private. This gives the child the idea that YOU are mom, and you are trying to make sure that he acts correctly in public , infront of others. ((you can also tell him that as well))
Heres the other thing, use shoes that you frequently wear when your out with them, so that all you have to do when they act up is tell them to look at your shoe, and once they see the shoe, they'll know "thats the shoe she spanked me with before, she brought it and shes ready to take it off and use it on me incase i act up" no one else will know what your talking about when your saying to your child to look at your shoe in a serious low tone. ; )
NEXT: the school situation is very serious, so i think in that situation that your well within your rights to law down the law in such a way so that the teachers cant be fooled.
Let them know this will go on for as long as it has to until they act right.
Last: This is a tough one because some boys just easily become friends with females and this can result in them being more confident when their older and its ok to encourage them to HAVE female friends so long as they know there are boundaries. As long as he knows that "you cant just touch girls, and that just talking is ok then i wouldnt over react too much to that. But keeping the door open when shes over would be the best idea here. He is getting to that age now, he is curious and all hes going to do is try to find ways to go behind your back instead of being compliant so you might as well just make sure theres an open dialog and that he can come to you if he needs advice (because who knows where ELSE he might look to for that) and that keeping the door open isnt for him its for the girls safety because girls can sometimes fib or say something happened that DIDNT for some reason and you just want to make sure some girl doesnt claim rape on him and get him in trouble with the law. MAKE IT CLEAR that you do the things you do because you love him and you want to make sure no one tries to pull anything on him. (same with the other kids too)
What ever you do try to stay calm, control your emotions and hear them out first if their trying to explain themselves. THEN do the correcting you feel needs to be done. I totally understand the need to "whoop ass" when kids get out of control, believe me its one i struggle with often, lol.
the shoe method though and the tight squeeze on an arm accompanied with a stern look in the eye in a serious low tone with the possible threat of being taken to the bathroom for a spanking has worked for me and quiet a few of my friends WELL.
It just sounds like your tired and whatever your doing isnt working, so its time to try something new.
good luck ; )
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About 4 months ago, I lost my poppop to cancer. As it has definitely been hard for me to lose him, it has been exceptionally hard for my mom because she was very close to her dad. Long story short, I want to make her something very memorable for her this Christmas that she'll love to have forever to always remember him. I remember her looking at something where I could sew a flannel shirt of his on to a pillow so she would still have a piece of him always. She already was gifted a quilt of some of his clothes and pictures of all of us so nothing quite like that, please. I'm just looking for memorable, cute DIY gifts to make her smile and remember the good times with him instead of his last few days suffering. Any help or ideas is greatly appreciated!! Thanks! (link)
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ok this is a little tought because we dont know the memories that you, your mom, or her dad had with each other and i think the quilts and pieces of his clothing ARE a great start.
Heres the thing, you want to make her something she can have forever right?? what about a bracelet with some charms on it that are unique to places and things they did together?
You can do kind of what KAY jewelers does where they sell individual charms to put on it for super cheap if you go to walmart or a good arts n crafts store where they sell jewelry making supplies, and then based on the memories you KNOW they had together and find some charms to add to it slowly over time?
you can buy a jewelry making kit and then slowly make or buy things to add to the bracelet even AFTER you give it to her. the gift itself would be just another charm to add to the bracelet. ; )
also check out pinterest for more ideas.
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I'm 18 from a Southeast Asian country where all sort of abuse is common. My parents (real) still abuse me. Earlier my mother slapped my more than 10 times. I have a red mark on my left face. She slammed me on the table then drag me hair. Of course as an 18 who would fight to their rights, I talked back to her. I told her, "is that what you can do? kill me." so see continued so smash my face on the couch. I continued talking back to her like: I'm 18 it's my right not to get physically abused. i even told her that it would be ok if she'd only abuse me verbally because it would never hurt me. I started yelling at her when my back hurt a lot. I have a problem with my vertebral disk so it's dangerous if my spine will be hit.
I cried a lot and she never stopped. It was really embarrassing because we have a guest, my 29-yr old cousin at the next door. After from a loud noise, my father came out with my arnis stick. he smacked me at my back, hips and arms. It hurts a lot really. He even tried to smack me in my head, but I've covered up so my forearm got hit. He ranted about how lazy I am, how dumb I am, how stupid and disabled. It killed me so much because it's 11 pm and everyone was sleeping. Our loud noise was heard by the neighbourhood who are just 2 metres away. I told him to stop because i can no longer breathe due because I was crying too hard that I couldn't catch my breath. He never stopped to smack me with his hands. I yelled that they have no rights to physically abuse me. They laughed sarcastically and said you're our child in my house with my rules. I even told them that I'll report them to women's desk and or tell my dad who's on a business trip (my 2nd father who's like my real dad and raised me until I was 13), but they just laughed and said go ahead that it killed me more. I told them that no one will hurt me no one will physically abuse me except myself but they kept on ranting on how lazy I am how different i am from my 5 siblings (i'm the 3rd child). My mother even told me that she regret making me alive. They even told me that I'm boastful about my achievements because of course that's just how I make myself better when they tell me how weak i am academically. I punched the wall and my pierced hand on it and it bled, but I can still type but can't write. I'm so desperate. I can't moveout I'm still in college and so poor. What will I do please help me. i tried talking about this to my friend but she didn't even empathized, she just laughed. I'm so tired but I won't sleep til I dry out my tears. I have a class tomorrow. My marks are visible especially on my face. plus I don't know what to do with my life. I don't know how to deal with the embarrassment of this to my neighbours, the marks on my skin, and the pain all over my body. I want to die since I'm feeling useless but I need to be alive for my dad(2nd dad) who cared for me and would be glad to see me as a doctor. I wanna die but i can't. They abuse me every couple of weeks. I don't know what to do. I'm 18. useless and weak. I can't stop from crying. I'm mentally destroyed from all of this plus I got dropped in my PE class this morning so that made me so destroyed.
I'm planning to stay up late and won't go home and perhaps get drunk. I wanna die. Please help me. what should I do. And also, I won't do any sort of reportings to authority that would humiliate them at any cost because my parents are professionals and I'm afraid to destroy their reputation. but I want to end this. I'm so sick of this physical abuse. i had no one to talk to. Please. (link)
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I agree with the other poster, you need to get away and soon. theres nothing you can do about the marks you already have on you im afraid, but go to school and try to stay strong. If people ask you what happened then maybe just tell them the truth. Say that your parents are very abusive and you got hurt. If they laugh, just tell them you dont see how thats funny and that your seriously hurt here and you dont need them making jokes about something thats really very serious.
Try to find someone else even if its extended family to live with...sometimes you have to put your personal safety over your education even if its just for a little while...
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what are some songs to tell someone you are not interested? (link)
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If your thinking your going to try to tell someone your not interested in them through a song then im afraid thats not going to work. ive tried it before. lol. and al it did was make the person think i listen to shitty "downer" music.....lol just be straight up with them and tell them. dont beat around the bush.
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I am 17, female. I have been relatively inactive physically for the last couple of years. I ride my bike a bit in the summer, and use it as a way to get to work in the summer as well. I walk about 2 km to get to school on average 4 times a week.
However, I am finding that I am much less physically fit than I was a few years ago. Climbing stairs sometimes puts me out of breath(generally only if its more than one floor though). I am much slower on bike as well. Also, I am losing a ton of flexibility.
I am wondering if anyone has suggestions on ways to work on my fitness. I do not have lots of time, nor am I willing to pay for a gym membership. I also do not have an exercise bike/treadmill available to me. (link)
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ok if your feeling less flexible, try to stretch out a little more, and drink water if your not already. Your joints and muscles rely on water.
Try to eat healthier if your not already. Buy salad mixes at the store for cheap and then make them at home. Try starting slow and just replacing one meal a week with a salad instead, then go up from there. Cut ANY kind of soda, (yes even diet) the carbination ALONE can disrupt your stomach and digestive track, not to mention the chemicals in diet drinks. Try teas, if you need something sweet to drink and either add your own sugar so that you can control the amount of sugar intake or drink it unsweetened.
Bring a drink of your choice WITH YOU when you gonna go somewhere where your not sure if they'll have things that are good for you.
thats the best start you can get as far as diet which also helps aid in weight loss to add to your current work out which sounds good, you just need to boost calorie burn.
If that doesnt help in the future you could always go to the doctor and get checked out, tell them your trying to lose weight and that your having trouble.
Also check out the keytone diet. if you suppliment that diet with the salads you should be losing weight faster in no time! ; )
good luck!
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I'm female 21 and my boyfriend is 23 so we are both consenting adults that have been dating for six months now. My boyfriend and I had sex twice last night with about fifteen minutes between both times. The second time we had sex, the condom broke when he was about half way in, pulled out right after he heard and felt it and we stopped, he didn't finish either. However, my concern was that there was still semen from the last time that may have made it's way into the second condom so he went to Walmart and got Plan B. While he went to get it, I read awful horror stories of being super sick on it and I was apprehensive to take it since I'm to get sick on my birth control originally with the burst of hormones that comes from it, so with another burst that is three times more powerful from Plan B, I almost started crying thinking about how sick I could possibly get. My boyfriend finally just said I should take it and he would be with me the next few days so if I did get sick he'd help me out, after about a half hour of talking it over.
Now, I am on birth control but I just started that Sunday - as you're supposed to begin that the Sunday after your period begins. I also ended my period on Sunday after four days of having it, I hardly ever get a full week's worth of my period. I got my period on Thanksgiving so I started my birth control on Sunday. With it not being a full week from starting my pill and it not being in full effect, I was still concerned when the condom broke, hence, why I took the Plan B. I even tried to mathematically figure it out that my next period would start Christmas Eve (go figure), so I would ovulate on December 7th, if anything did get inside of me when the condom broke, it would stay inside until December 5th and I would give or take a day or two for ovulation to occur since what is helping me keep track of everything is just an app on my phone, meaning I could either probably ovulate on December 5th or December 9th or anywhere in between those dates meaning I could have released an egg on the 5th that could attach to one of his sperm.
However, now I'm thinking about it, my birth control would take effect on December 6 (this coming Sunday) meaning I should not ovulate anyway since that is the job of my birth control pill. So, did I take the Plan B for no reason? Am I still going to get my period on time now that I should have stopped ovulation with my regular birth control and probably really ruined my cycle with the Plan B pill on top of it? What are my chances of getting pregnant now anyway with both pills in my system? I was panicking so I took it, so any side effects are my fault and honestly I'm fully expecting some type of sickness to come with the high amount of hormones I've ingested the last three days with starting my birth control and having to take the Plan B.
Thanks for your help.
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Yeah i dont think your pregnant. Just because the condom broke doesnt ness. mean your automatically gonna get pregnant.
If there was semen in the tip because he finished, THEN i would worry but since their wasnt, I honestly dont think its a big deal. Plus your on birth control.
Try to track your periods closer though....youll know the days your gonna ovulate and then you can even plan when not to have sex other then when your on your period! ; )
I cant see you getting pregnant just because there might have been a LITTLE bit of semen on him between both encounters. As long as he put the condom ON and he didnt have any on his hands then it should be fine. There shouldnt be enough of it to be able to climb up in you to even reach an egg.
like the other poster said, taking some plan b would probably just be a comfort thing at this point. i wouldnt worry yet.....
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My father is turning 55 on Sunday and he lives alone in his house with 60+ cats. He thinks it's a cat rescue, but I'm pretty sure it's hoarding. He just bought the house a few years ago and it's a complete mess with cat feces, urine and vomit everywhere.
Every time he gets rid of a cat he takes in 5 more and I'm sick to death of him living like this.
My dad is NOT healthy. He has had cancer, lung problems, multiple spinal disc bulges, hernias, and severe arthritis. On top of this he spends all day working and then comes home to "take care" of 60-100 cats.
In reality they just run around further ruining his home.
He makes okay money at his job (40K/year), but it all goes to his cats so he lives in poverty. He doesn't even have a couch, he sits on a little old plastic lawn chair and watches TV.
Animal hoarding is a felony in my state so I don't want to report him to the authorities and have him wind up with criminal charges but I do want to get rid of them all and clean up his house.
I can't do it with him knowing about it because he genuinely thinks what he's doing is a good thing and I know he'd refuse. I would have to get him out of the house and then do it.
I don't know where to even begin though?! Who would help me with this? He's estranged from everybody including family and has no friends.
Help!
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Ill help you, ive helped friends of my family clean up a hoarders house before. They didnt have 60 plus cats, (they had about ten) but the situation was still pretty bad.
Ok so let me just say straight off the top that someone that TRUELY cares for animals who have been "abandoned" or injured, would KNOW already that the way your father is "caring" for those cats ISNT sanitary and hes actually endangering them more by allowing them to live in filth like that. So theres a mental part of this that you need to address.
Secondly, theres a good chance that alot of the health ailments he may have might be related to the filth. Cat feces and urine are very dangerous when not contained, cleaned up after, or maintained.
In short this really ISNT about the cats, its about your father having a mental illness and his supposed "caring for his cats" is a sign of just how bad it is.
A legit person who fosters cats, can only take in so many at a time before they have to start turning them away and calling an animal shelter where they'll at least be cared for properly, even if they DO get "put to sleep" later or something like that. The way those cats are living right now is alot worse then the potential risk of them being condemned to death by the shelter because their suffering by living in their own feces ALONE.
At least at a shelter theres a good chance they could be cleaned up, seen by a vet and then adopted out. Your dad is hoarding cats, not aiding in the process of rehabilitating them so that they can find a family that will love them forever. so hes doing more harm then good here. I want you to understand that before you try to talk to him any further.
Next, you cant legally just go in and clean out someone elses home and all this while your dad isnt there. What could happen is YOULL get sick because youve gone in and breathed in the contaminated air, and risked your own health to do it. Not only that but your dad could come back, realize what youve done, and then push YOU further away then you already are, and then continue to live in the filth with the cats until it kills him one day.
You need to call Adult protective services, and have them go and do a check on him. Once youve told them what youve told us, they will go and see what hes living in and order him by law to clean the shit up. They will also call animal control and have the animals taken from him and have the house condemned if need be because all that feces is a bio-hazard and they may even order him to a mental health check up and if he doesnt go they will come to him, and if he doesnt comply, he'll be homeless.
Hes not in the right state of mind. He needs more help then what you can give, im sorry to have to be the one to tell you that, but he needs prof. help, and you going in "against his will" or "behind his back" when hes not home is only going to make matters worse. He wont have to know that your the one that called, they wont tell him who it was and you dont have to admit it either.
if he calls you saying he upset that someone did this to him then just offer to help work with him on it and say that maybe a neighbor or someone else caught wind of it but that your here for him. (then just dont admit you did it) then once your in the house with him you can say "ok well now that im here, lets see what we can do to help clean this place up"
He may feel attacked and like no one is on his side but this is for his own good. does he own his house or rent?
He could be excused from any criminal charges if he complies with state law and gets the therapy he needs.
hit me up if you need more help, ive dealt with this before.
good luck! ; )
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