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Age Doesn't Matter
So I have a 37 year old boyfriend and I'm 16. We've been dating for more than a year now. We do love each other and he says he'll wait for me till I'm grown up and wants me to finish college first. In short he's a good man. I'm just afraid of our future ,it really bothers me wondering if our relationship would work out and be successful. Plus the fact that everyone doesn't want us to be together because of age. People who have the same relationships out there please give me advice? Everyone's welcome to comment what's in your mind.
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Ok, this sounds like a "right NOW relationship" and not one that will last unfortunately.
Let me tell you a little bit about ME because this may help ok.
I was 14, and my (now husband) was just barely turning 21 when we first met and became friends. I chased after him with my strong personality and he was a bit of a push over so it worked well. I was wise beyond my years and had been told so since i was little by everyone around my mother. (MY mother and father are actually EIGHT years apart) So age gaps for us are a very common thing in our family.
My boyfriend was smart and quiet, and i smart and out spoken and all in all im someone that knows how to take the lead in many aspects of life.
Well, i married that guy and we've been together for 14 years, with now a 4 year old little boy. But the reason that this worked for us was not only because we wanted the same things in life, came from good families, but i pushed for good communication, and demanded that if at any time we wernt happy with each other anymore to say something if we felt like "this just isnt working".
As time has gone on to current day, EVEN with the seven year age gap, there is STILL a gap in how we both feel a relationship should work. He is very carrier oriented and although before we had our son we planned the life our lives would take and the roles we would both take within the marriage, it is still a bit of a challenge at times. So you see even with this smaller gap in age we have, there is still problems. Dont get me wrong we ARE all in all happy and the things ive mentioned arent anything that we cant work through because we want each other badly, but its not a cake walk at all.
Your issue is that you may not be thinking of his safety. IF you did infact have sex, you are putting him in danger of jail time or at the very least your parents placing a restraining order on him where he would HAVE to stay away from you. Parents CAN do that kinda shit if they feel its needed.
Next, i know he looks good, sounds good, and all that RIGHT NOW but that is temporary. He is older, see's the world ina different light, and is in a different place in life than you even if he doesnt realize it yet. When he DOES, he'll want someone closer to his own age. AKA you could get left eventually.....
Next....In your writting here, your saying that your willing to sacrifice everything....this isnt something you should have to do in order to make a relationship work and if hes any kind of a man (because im assuming you want a man and not a boy based on your pick of males here) then HE shouldnt want you to do that. anytime your in a relationship with someone, theres YOU LIFE, HIS LIFE, and then theres your lives together....APART from each other, and in a healthy relationship neither one of you should have to "sacrifice" THAT hard to make it work.
The cards are already stacked against you because of the laws in this country.
If you want to talk more (because i DO understand) feel free to hit me up, ive been thru allllll this before having married my older man. ; )
I also want to add to this answer that your not thinking of him. Your not thinking that hes a 37 year old that that has needs sexually and that your legally not allowed to meet those needs....Put yourself in his place when it comes to being with a younger person....do you REALLY think its fair of you to expect him to ACTUALLY wait until your old enough to have sex with him?? i dont think so....i'd like to actually talk to you about this matter further if you have the time and would like to pm me.
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This is a terrible idea.
It has nothing to do with how mature or lovely you are, or how much you care about him. You could be Aphrodite herself. You could be the most brilliant, lovely fabulous creature in existence.
It would still be very concerning for a 37 year old man to look at 16 year old you and see a viable romantic partner. It's not your maturity I question. It's his. It's his self-knowledge of what he wants from life, and of how to create an equal, respectful relationship.
The lifestyle and relationships he should want, if he is emotionally healthy in any way, should be very different from what a 16 year old wants and most of the men that age who are attracted to dating a teenager, are the immature, emotionally incompetent people who are not chasing women their own age, because women their own age wouldn’t put up with their bullshit.
These people crave the control and dominance their age gives them in this sort of relationship. It might seem fun and exciting at first, but will turn out to be a pretty shitty deal for you in the long run.
I know this might sounds a bit unfair, but I went out briefly with quite a few guys in their late thirties, and honestly they all LOOKED and SOUNDED really good at the beginning. They seemed like good men. They had learned how to sell themselves well.Then in a matter of weeks or months, as I truly got to know them and spend time with them, it quickly dissolved into them being very clearly emotionally stunted bullies. Not evil men, but certainly men who were single for the right reasons, and attracted to younger women for the wrong reasons.
Of course that won’t be truth of ALL older men dating younger women... But it will be true of many, and at 16, you don’t have the experience to be able see those glaring warning signs. I didn’t have the experience I needed at 20 either.
This is a bad idea. It really is. I worry deeply for you if you go keep up with this. It's so risky emotionally for you to get together with such a huge age difference and I've seen in my own life, and in the lives of my friends, how these things tend to because very unequal and unbalanced very quickly.
So I advise against it. Really, really strongly. The chance of it going well is tremendously small.
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I have a problem with a man dating a women could be his daughter or almost his granddaughter. There is something inherently wrong about this. If you were 25 and he 50 it would be a different story but you’re not. DO your parents know you are seeing him? How do they feel about it?
If you are having sex with him then he is committing a crime in most states as you are under the age of consent and not an adult. He could go to jail for life in many states. If you two have ever crossed a state line together he has committed a federal crime. It would be very easy to call him a pedophile if you are having sex with him.
Your question, "it really bothers me wondering if our relationship would work out and be successful." Think about this in 7 years you will be 21 and he will be 44. You will want to go out partying and drinking. He will more than likely want to sit home, watch TV and be in bed by 11. He's done the wild stuff he's ready to settle down, have children, the house with the picket fence and career. This is why the so called May/December marriages don't work out.
I know it is romantic to have someone his age interested in you. My advice though is to find a nice boy in your own age group and have the fun a teenager is suppose to have. If you don't you will someday regret not having that time in your life.
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