A quick note: If I answered a question and you have further questions for me, please include a URL link to your original question(s) so that I can be sure of what we're talking about. Questions that reference something we talked about a week ago that I can't quite remember are kinda hard to answer.
Welcome to my column.
I don't apologize for my answers. I speak to the audience, and in doing so I sometimes tell the audience things they don't want to hear or cant handle.
I believe in stands on principle. I believe that doing right for the sake of doing right is a good way to live. I believe in self awareness and encourage it in others. I offer the most unbiased viewpoint I have. And yes, I am only human.
Im going to tell you what I think you need to hear. You are not supposed to take what I say and follow it. You are supposed to take what I say and _think_about_it_
Oh, and feel free to ask me questions, but netspeak, ebonics, terrible grammar, and your teen angst about a crush will be ignored.
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Last Update: April 13, 2014
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im going threw a whole lot of shit right now in my life im 18f senior in high school . i live with my mom still but lately her ways and her rules are getting to me (shes a bit abusive )and im overwhelmed with school work.my boyfriend who is 20 is a great guy i enjoy being around him he always makes me happy but im not sure if i can have him in my life right and im a virgin that is not planning on having sex now he knows im a virgin his not a virgin im afraid that i might have sex with him too early just for comfort.but i dont think i can deal with all that in my life right now should i break it off with him. (link)
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Jesus Christ NO
HELL NO!
Are you kidding? Give up your best ally?
Yeah, your life is stressful. Thats no reason to run away from anything, including your own desires for sex.
So, you want to sleep with him and don't feel you're ready yet. Talk to him about that. Talk to him about the stress you're under. A fresh perspective, or even just someone to listen to could help.
Don't let chaos in your life bleed over and make other parts suck. You'd just be creating your own pool of misery. Instead, he is an escape. When you're going nuts, you can talk to him, or go hang out with him, and pretend the world doesn't exist for a little while.
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13/f
please just read and dont judge...
there is this guy, my neighbor, and well, he is REALLY hot. like, sexy hot. and my window faces his and i catch him looking at me sometimes. he's 17 (almost 18) and im 13. sometimes i purposely get dressed in front of my window, just so he can see a little skin. but, is that wrong? i actually have gotten to know him, and he is a really nice guy. so sometimes, he'll text me goodnight and tell me my pjs are really cute because he saw them through my window. so its not like im just falling for some guy i dont even know. but could i have a chance with him? when i walk home with his brother from school, sometimes i see him and he'll wink at me. am i crazy? because he is really cute and really nice and i think he likes me from the way he stares and texts me and winks at me. once he even bought me ice cream and coffee and was waiting for me on my porch when i got home. should i just forget about him becuse he is too old for me? or should i try to move it forward??
anny advice would be great! SORRYYY ITS SO LONG! (link)
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I don't think I could be much more eloquent than Rahzie has been.
But I'll try to give you some additional perspective.
First, the golden rule with men.
We have double standards. Dating, we can be incredibly picky, but if sex is held under our noses as a possibility we will do things we normally wouldn't to get laid.
In your example, in every day life, an 18 year old is not going to find your attractive for dating.
You are far too young. A 13 year old girl is not going to have much of anything in common with an 18 year old, you're going to be very different in maturity levels, even if he's on the younger side of 18 year olds.
The only thing in common you could have is sex, and thats what you've been flaunting in front of him.
Let me explain the flow of relationships.
Theres usually a get-to-know-you phase, physical intimacy, the end of the honeymoon phase and the beginnings of comfort with each other.
So, in a normal relationship, two people get to know each other. Lets say they date, text, call, hang out, whatever. They talk, and learn bit by bit about each other.
Eventually, as they grow closer, physical intimacy comes into it. Be it kissing, or leading into sex.
Then, we have the "honeymoon phase" where everyones in love, and its wonderful, and you don't fight, usually because you're both too much looking forward to touching each other to get pissed off at one another.
This period is usually marked by a severe lack in depth in the relationship. Not always, but often couples get so absorbed into physical intimacy that the actual development of the relationship stops.
You might have heard "love is blind" before? Its not, but people can be stupid when theyre too busy making out or fucking. Part of a long term relationship is learning the flaws in another person, and accepting them. When you're too into each other to notice each other's flaws, it stops the actual "getting to know each other" part.
This leads into the end of the honeymoon phase, where physical intimacy becomes the norm, and isnt "new and exciting", and is no longer enough to keep the inevitable issues a couple will have, back.
Lastly, we have comfort, as the couple learns to love each other for flaws as well as good points, and learn to communicate to solve problems together.
All of this points to sex not happening to soon.
Even if the guy IS interested in you, if sex enters the relationship too quickly thats what it becomes about for a good long while. Instead of wanting to know more about you, the guy is going to be thinking about how best to act so that he doesn't impede and encourages sexuality between the two of you.
So, for the next 1-6 months you interact and are around each other, and eventually the sex or whatever becomes normal and you have absolutely NOTHING else to base the relationship off of when you start annoying the crap out of one another and don't feel horny anymore.
The reason I bring all this up, at 13 you are at a disadvantage. You don't know what normal 18 year old dating expectations are, you arent that age. You have zero expectations of your own, because you haven't dated much. And you don't know what he wants with the exception of sex.
So, if you started dating him, what would you have in common? What would you talk about?
No offense intended, but the interests of the average 13 year old girl are usually things that make an 18 year old male want to blow his brains out.
All you've mentioned is "hes hot, and hes nice"
Yeah, hes nice. You've been stripping for him through the window. Any guy would be nice to a girl treating him to those views.
That being said, he could be arrested for it. That is a real, valid, credible threat to his safety. Stop doing what you're doing. Act like hes a friend and abandon all intentions for anything other than that for at least a few years more, you aren't ready for dating.
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I mean, really, why should I have a "good" education anyway?
What will my education get me in the long run?
I was talking to my best friend about dropping out of high school. I know you're legally allowed to drop out when you turn 16 in the United States. I feel that if I drop out of school then I won't be missing too much, but she says that a high school drop-out isn't going to make it in the real world and that high school prepares us for that. High school just seems to be full of drama, cliques, Hollister and Abercrombie whores, popularity contests, sex, and drugs. It's like learning isn't even a concept in high school anymore anyway! What would I be missing out on?
I use to think about going to college but it's so expensive. Is college really worth it anyway? I know people keep saying that it's good to have a decent education, but why in the world is it so good? Nobody has ever explained that to me.
Why is a good education important to have?
Please, someone, explain! (link)
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Education...
Finishing an education basically shows the world that you can function inside of it. Inside its many rules and conventions.
Simply put, there are few decent jobs you can get without a high school education, and alot of the better paying jobs in the world require a college degree, even if not a specific one.
Yeah, the SOCIAL aspect of high school is BS. Image concious teens convincing each other that trends and the right bags make you a better (or even decent in the first place) person.
High school doesnt prepare you for the real world, at all. But this is the time when you must be preparing regardless. And a basic education is part of that.
College...
Is a 4 year college necessary for life? No. But when it comes to jobs, you get paid based on experience and achievements, and get hired for the same reasons.
There are four basic kinds of jobs you can find out there.
Jobs that require no experience or achievements, jobs that require one, or the other, and jobs that require both.
Jobs that require little to nothing
- Examples would be Bus boy/girl at a restaurant, cashier, etc. These are jobs you can be trained to do in a short period of time. They point you in a direction, and you go. These jobs usually pay very little, though experience can increase wages.
Personal example - I have worked various jobs since I was 14, but I've done cashier a bunch in there. Telling a job that I have 3 years of "cashier experience" is the difference between 8 and 11 dollars an hour.
Jobs that require experience
- Examples are usually things that you work into. Server at a restaurant is a perfect example, as is customer service. Both of these positions require some small base level of proficiency and multitasking, as well as higher levels of self control. Not much, in the scheme of things, but enough that employers don't want to put the complete idiots you might see working the drive through at Taco Bell in these positions.
Personal examples include both serving and customer service. Serving rose from being a bus boy for a short period, and customer service was the step up from cashier (though often customer service is on the same level as cashier authority wise)
Jobs that require achievements.
- This is a pretty large area of jobs. A sidenote. I'm going to consider a high school diploma or GED baseline "neccesary". Most jobs that require you to have some other achievement also want a high school grad. More on that in a bit.
Examples of these achievements are things like technical certifications (like networking cert to be able to work with computer networks, or certain technician certifications which allow you to work on cars) 2 year degrees, 4 year degrees, etc.
You might hear the term "entry level" bandied around. Alot of jobs in this category are precursors to the jobs listed in the next. Physical therapy assistant, entry level accountant, even some teachers, alot of these positions make the transition out of hourly pay into some kind of salary.
Jobs that require both achievements and experience
- These are the big boys. My goal is to be a psychiatrist someday. Ive got 8 years of school and 4 years of on the job training to get through.
When I'm done with that, I'll be making 200k or more a year.
Thats the difference of education. The opportunity to find something you love, and actually get paid a wage you can live on while doing it (or in my hopeful case, making enough money to raise ten kids comfortably, not that I plan to have that many)
Heres the thing. High school grad is expected most of the time, even for small stuff. It shows your ability to get through it even when it sucks, because everyone remembers high school, and everyone remembers how bad it can be.
An example, retail management.
So, you manage high school students, college students, and people over 25 with nothing to look forward to except more retail.
Its a shit job, and it still requires a high school diploma.
You are correct, however, that everything you described in high school is pretty much worthless. High school is nothing like the real world. The good thing is, that the whole "popularity" aspect will disappear pretty much as soon as you graduate. Going to a big college will help that even more.
Basically, just having a college diploma opens alot of doors, because there are alot of jobs in that third category who's requirement is "have _A_ college diploma"
Major doesnt matter half the time, unless you're an accountant or something like that. It just shows a basic level of achievement, "I was able to get through high school and college" and it sets you apart. When competing for jobs, things that set you apart are good things.
::Edit::
I almost forgot. Heres a down home example of why I wish I was a college grad already.
I am a server. I make around 400 a week after taxes on an average week. 1600 a month.
I spend 500 on rent and 100 on electricity.
1 grand left.
I spend about 15 a day on food averaged out over 30 days with eating out (very occasionally) take out, and shopping for house supplied to eat at home. Thats another 450 a month.
550 left.
Gas is about 30 dollars a week.
430
Cable/Internet - 100 a month
330 left
Phones - 50 a month
280 left
So, after working about 40 hours a week, paying all my monthly bills and budgeting for expenses, I have 280 dollars left.
Buying a new computer? If I want to not have ANY extra fun I could save up for a decent one in like 6-8 months.
But in all reality, right now, theres little extra money left saved at the end of the month, if any.
And this is working a job I'm good at with a regular schedule, a job that pays better than most other jobs you might end up working (400 a week works out to like 13/hr average pay with taxes taken into account). I live with my girlfriend, so our finances aren't quite as tight as I mentioned, but it works out to us having about 600 a month extra between the two of us after expenses, food, both phone plans, gas, etc.
600 a month towards debts, fun, savings, and whatever else we want. In the real world, 600 isnt that much money. Going out to see a movie, and going to a restaurant? 30+ for dinner, 20 for movie tickets, 10 for concessions. Thats 60 bucks plus gas gone in a night, for just dinner and a movie.
If we were married with a kid, all that money would be going to the kid and we'd be broke constantly, and probably in debt from extra expenses.
Now imagine psychiatrist. Who never makes below 150k a year. After taxes thats probably more than 10 grand a month.
Thats a mortgage payment, food for a family of 4-5, two car payments, cell phones for anyone who needs them, a few nights out to something more than Chili's and a movie at Tinsel Town during the month, and all kinds of other fun things possible while still putting 2-4 grand a month or more into retirement accounts and college funds.
Thats why I'm going to college. Without my college degree, I will be able to be married some day making enough money to keep my kids in hand me downs and hope that financial aid helps them alot in college.
With college, I'll be able to pay (just myself) for three kids to go to college while supporting a family in a nice big house, work just about anywhere as long as its a large city, and let my wife do whatever she wants (though I refuse to date a woman without her own career ambitions)
Thats the difference.
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Iam going to the technical college and there's this guy i like and that I think likes me to but he's 39 and iam only 19 and I think he's kind of old for me but I asked my cousin about it becouse I live with her and i wanted to see what she thought and she said that age is just a number. kevin bought me a coffee one day he offered to carry the coffee to the student lounge for me so i could drink it and he's always helping me with schoolwork so could anybody tell me if he likes me> (link)
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It doesnt matter. You two cannot work.
"I asked my cousin and she said age is just a number"
No, age is not just a number.
Stages of life, sweetheart. As you get older, age matters less than it did the year before, but it still matters. Why?
Because, at 40 he has experienced alot of what you will experience for the next 15 years. He's pretty much a fully formed person who (if he is even moderately mature for his age) can relate to you far more easily than you can relate to him.
Basically, there is no equality in relationships like that. You cannot ever be on his level, he's got 20 years on you.
You should look for guys 1-3 years older than you at 19. Younger won't be attractive, most girls don't have the patience to date a younger man until much later in life, but you shouldn't skew too much older. Simply put, if a guy is 5+ years older than you and relates to you directly, thats a problem. A 24 year old shouldn't be on equal terms with a 19 year old, and if this guy is 40...
If he is pursuing you (I dont know, from your information) then you need to recognize that there is a reason someone his age goes for 19, and its not good.
If he's not, then let him go about his business. Just realize that the sex appeal of a 19 year old girl can override reason and rationality in men who don't want to resist it. For him, its flattering to have a young woman interested because it means he's still "sexy". For you, its flattering to think that you might be mature enough to relate well to a 40 year old man.
You arent. Either he is less mature than he should be (which will become a problem as YOU mature, because if he's that far behind at 40 in two years he won't be much farther and you likely will) or hes more mature and just going for the closest thing he can legally get to jail bait.
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Kay, so this is going to sound like a stupid thing to say but i dont know if im bi or not.
I'm 16 years old and i mean ive always liked boys and still do, but in the past year or so i've been becoming more sexually attracted to females.
The thing is, i could never see myself having a proper relationship with a girl.
I was talking to my boyfriend about it and he's happy with me being bi because i just like boys more.
It's hard to describe but when i see a girl i can think "yeah shes pretty" or "hot", but i dont have any like deeper feelings, like wanting to be with them in a commited sense.
The whole idea of girl on girl action and things like that turn me on and i have this urge which seems to be more of a fantasy to do that with girls but does that really make me bi?
I mean, when i think of someone whos bi, i imagine they like girls and boys just as much and would want to have proper relationships with them.
Its good to be able to talk to my boyfriend about this stuff so he can make me feel comfortable no matter what, but i just dont really know if i am or not if that makes sense lol.
if someone can give me some advice that would be great xx (link)
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Too much worry about defining yourself.
Who knows.
You might date women in the future, you might not. You might bring a woman into bed with you and a boyfriend in the future, you might not.
Bisexual means different things depending on who you ask, and since labels only matter in regards to what other people think, is there really a point in trying to figure out if you fit into someone else's idea of what sexuality is?
Just like what you like, and if you think you like something else, explore it.
And if someone asks you to tell them "what you are" just say "Interested"
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How can I stop my negative behaviors?
I am at a weak point in life right now and am only becoming weaker. Life was always difficult. I've experienced an extraordinary amount of loss of various types--deaths, break-ups, a broken home, etc. I suffer from depression and low self-esteem, but I have never really seen a therapist about either of these. I crave love and acceptance from others but not openly because I fear being completely rejected. I carry myself in a way that nothing seems to bother me but I'm hurting deep inside.
I have been having sex with this man that is a little older than myself. He is not my boyfriend and I know he is really just using me. This is purely just sex with no intellectual connection what-so-ever (it's gotten to the point that we no longer even make small-talk before engaging in the sexual activity). I have told myself that I am with him only to feel like I am still desirable at some standpoint, even though I know he just wants what's between my legs--nothing more. I wish I can have a man who's mine and who will love me, but I feel completely undesirable and giving my body to this man is the only way I know how to "fix" that. This situation is only making me feel colder inside, and it's getting to the point where I feel that my soul is truly dying.
I feel like right now my self-respect is dwindling and I'm acting like a completely tramp. I KNOW I'm a whore for doing this (and I KNOW this so there is no need to spare my feelings in your response). I feel like garbage and, in the end, I know I will be played like I'm a piece of meat, used and discarded of when nothing more can be pulled from the bone. I just don't have any friends or anyone else around me that seems to CARE about anyone but themselves. I'm lonely. I feel terrible. I know I'm making a bad situation incredibly worse. I don't know how to stop, how to fix this, or how to be different.
What can I do to help myself? (link)
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Hmm.
An exact process of action...
I'd say change your phone number, only give your new number to family and a few close friends, and cut yourself off from the world for a little while.
You need to focus on something else. School, work, a new hobby, find something to fill your time with (or several somethings) that give you a sense of accomplishment on a daily basis.
Do this for a few months, a year if you need to. And the next time you go out with a guy, make yourself follow the "rules of dating"
You know, kiss only first date, go a little further each date if you want, but don't have sex for a while (I imagine a month probably falls into that category)
People always say "is this person worth sleeping with" and "have they earned it?" are how you figure out if you should sleep with someone.
I say a little differently.
"Does this person want me? Do I want them? Do I want to wake up next to them in 6 months? Do I want to get to know them better? Do I already know them a good bit?"
If you've been with someone long enough to know you want to be with them longer... well you're going to do what you're going to do. But instead of basing your worth off of it, you should just seek to find someone who wants to spend time around you, who asks you about yourself and who wants to hang out as well as be intimate. Someone you can have a conversation with for an hour or two and not get bored.
But the first step is cutting yourself off from sex, and people you have sex with, completely. You need to focus on something else in your life besides whether you feel valuable to other people, focus on being valuable to yourself in areas outside sex and relationships.
Once you have a basis in confidence in yourself, step back into dating.
Oh, a final tip.
Its easy in this world to go without validation. We don't value anything but the shallow in this day and age.
There are times when you question yourself.
Fake it.
If you don't feel like you're worth anything, fake it. Pretend that you are. Act as if you are. If you'd like to be worthy of a guy who treats you well, pretend you are. Pretend you're worth more than you think you are, and stay away from people who don't fall in with that viewpoint, and what you think a decent person deserves.
And eventually, you'll find someone who agrees.
It works. Ive had my own issues in life related to this, and there were times when I settled for anything because I thought I wasnt worth much.
I acted like I was. I went after girls who expected their guys to be worth something, I started paying attention to people who had value and who required the people they associated with to have value.
And you know what, I found people who didn't disagree. This front of value I was putting on, people agreed with it! It took time, it took alot of hurt, because not everyone looks at everyone else and sees someone they like, or want to be around.
But I found them. More than just a few, too.
Through their eyes, I saw what they saw. Sometimes the things they liked about me weren't even things I noticed or took pride in, but I learned.
You can do the same.
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16/f
i'm normally an honest person but about recently i just got a new boyfriend. he's amazing and i could never wish for a better boyfriend. i want to keep him with me forever!! but i told him a lie and i regret doing it! and its a pretty big lie too. I told him that i finger myself but i really don't. I havent even worn a tampon yet! and i really really really really REALLY do not want to tell him that i don't finger myself because he will get mad that i lied and he told me that he really wants to finger me and if i tell him that i've never done it then it will all just crash and burn. we've been talking that when we are going to hang out again soon, that he wants to finger me but i'm not sure what to do. help!!! i don't know what to do! (link)
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Tell him you lied at some point, that you were nervous and insecure because you'd never done anything.
He won't care. Not really.
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does anyone belive in long distance relationships? Does anyone have advice on how to make them work? (link)
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1) Remember that its not love. Distance allows you to see all the good about a person without suffering the bad. Until you've seen them on a very regular basis, you don't really know what you're dealing with. Love means knowing a person, not just feeling strongly about them.
2) You have to be able to see each other regularly. It has to be something you can schedule and depend on. I was in a distance relationship where we only got one or two weekends a month. Difficult to deal with, even talking 2-3 hours a night. If you can't schedule that, if its just "oh I have the money to come visit randomly" its not going to be structured enough to survive more than a month or two probably.
3) There has to be a planned end point. Its a goal, not just a "whenever we get the chance". There has to be a point where you can and will live in the same city, at least.
4) It has to fit in with your life. You can't get into a relationship and decide you want to move to cali from the east coast because you met someone who you love talking to on the phone. Well, you can if you want, but you need to be able to make those choices without destroying your life.
A high school or early college couple who want to move together is different from an adult who meets someone and can look for jobs, get an apartment, and pay for his/her move somewhere else, and actually make a life choice to be with someone.
5) Living with someone will change everything. Especially with distance, living with someone is hard as hell. Going from distance to living with someone... huge change regardless of marriage or no. Though, if you went distance to married you'd be insane.
The reason people date others close by is to get them time to get used to someone. Their habits, good and bad. Their tendencies, preferences, likes, dislikes, all of it. Without the "every day" pressure of living with someone.
Distance removes that ability, and the problem is that if you are far away from each other, it can be impractical to move close without moving in together, but if you move in together you get shell shocked by all the day to day details that make up a person.
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over the last few months, specifically, i've realized that most teenage girls are so fake, myself included. for example, all girls... (1) talk without caps but usually in abbreviations or with all correct punctuation, (2) carry tote bags to school, (3) wear hollister & abercrombie, (4) have a manicure, pedicure or combo, (5) have or had side bangs, (6) either "scrunch" or straighten their hair, (7) have or have wanted a tiffany bracelet / necklace, (8) own converse in any color... (9) have / have worn / have wanted to wear mascara and / or eyeliner (1) usually talk with extra letters (e.g., heyy! how are youu?)
all of the above apply to me, but why are girls so obsessed with fitting in with the popular crowd? it's not even state-wide, it's NATIONwide. all teenage girls are skinny and obsessed with their weight and either all or most of the above apply. why is this? what's your opinion on it? i sometimes wonder myself where my individuality has gone, but EVERYONE does it. so why does everyone go along with it? it's so bad that once on advicenators, i was reading a girl's problem and i was going through the exact same thing and -- BECAUSE ALL GIRLS TALK THE SAME WAY -- i actually stopped and asked myself if i submitted that question, and had to check. i can't even recognize my own voice and way of speaking because everyone talks in the same way. (link)
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Hah.
First, a compliment. Most people, the vast majority, never question things like this. They do what they do, follow in line with everyone else, and are generally too stupid to ever realize how bad it really is.
The fact that you asked this has restored some tiny modicum of hope for the American public.
Anyway. Why do people copy one another? Its quite simple. A large portion of the population has no desire to determine what is right for themselves, based on what they think. Instead, they turn outward to have their standards set by others, because its easier that way. You don't have to think, and you never have to be uncertain.
I mean, if millions of other people are doing it, its a good idea, right?
Thats the general line of thought.
The other part, is that going along with everything the way people do, some people come out on top. Its a way for those at the top of the hierarchy to keep those at the bottom in line.
Popularity is one of the funniest aspects of human existence. Your ability to manipulate others turning into exercisable power based on nothing except people's perceptions about you and themselves.
No one celebrates differences anymore. Why? Because everyone spends all their time telling each other how they are supposed to act, what theyre supposed to like, etc. It causes friction because everyone reacts based on their own insecurities.
I'll sink into stereotype for an example.
Lets say you've got a popular chick, and a hippie chick. (Sorry, I have an affinity for hippie chicks)
The popular chick acts just like everyone else, but because shes just a little prettier, and her parents are a little richer, she gets status in her group, becomes the "leader" and gets used to the feeling of being looked up to.
She has all these people around her who tell her not only that shes doing things right, but that she is an example to them in how to do things right. Shes great, in their eyes.
Cross with a teenager. Everyone is insecure in life, no matter what age, but teens have it the worst. Just old enough to second guess yourself without experience to have a good idea of what really IS right.
So you have this girl who has absolutely no idea how she should act. She has jumped on the "tell me how to be" train, and has only the assurances of everyone else to tell her that she is who she should be, and that she is a person of value in this world.
Now, we meet the hippie chick. She's perfectly fine with who she is. Maybe plays a sport, she's laid back, and has alot of friends. Might be a little shy, or a little bitchy.
These two cross paths. The popular chick sees the hippie girl, and wonders "why isnt she like me?"
Now, the automatic outside assumption is "because shes not as good" which we see everywhere in America and which causes untold misery on a daily basis.
But under that, she's not sure. She's 15-18. She hopes what shes doing is right, but here is an example of someone who is not like her, and happy about it. She decides to make the hippie girl unhappy about it. So she starts being a bitch to the hippie girl and tries to make her feel bad, because shes not acting right and giving this girl the positive "you are right" validation shes used to from her fresh-out-the-cloning-vat group of friends.
This is the genesis of every single teen targeted movie with the popular bitch girl.
Ultimately, all of this comes about because of insecurity. We're all so worried about what everyone thinks, but we're terrified to get an honest answer when we ask what people think of us. No one is confident about themselves doing the right thing, because all of it is bullshit.
Thats the worst part. We didn't pick good values to do this with, we picked bad ones. Materialism, greed, vanity, jealousy, everyone seeks to be the best so that they don't have to deal with any of these. Our values are valueless, because when you're in your 20s you won't give a shit about that purse your parents bought you when you were 16 (and neither will anyone else) but you will care that you never learned to work your ass off or be a decent, kind, productive member of society (and so will everyone else)
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I absolutely love my father, I really do, and he's a great dad and all but... I don't want to live with him any more. He's a slob, he's always moody and he uses his depression as an excuse. He also has a lot of debt and I'm sick of having his weights on my shoulders all the time, you know?
My brother has offered me that if I want to, I can rent a room of his house. I'm thinking of taking this up and possibly bringing a friend with me so it'd be less rent for me to pay 'cause we'd be splitting it. He's a reliable guy, too.
Does this seem like a bad idea? I'm 15 and a half, I'm paid $800 a month from my job, I plan on staying in school and my brother lives close to the school.
I'm just afraid my dad will get upset and stop talking to me. (link)
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Yeah, that sounds like a pretty bad idea, to be honest. You're a little young to be out on your own, and to be honest you need to check laws in your area, because I'm pretty sure that you would be a run away as well. In texas you can move out at 17 if you choose, before that you can't. Most states are the same, or 18.
In other words, your brother could be nailed for harboring a runaway and your father can have the cops escort you home.
In all honesty, you don't sound that bad off. You havent mentioned abuse of any kind, you havent mentioned anything other than "my dad is unhappy and I don't like being around it"
As an adult, perfectly valid reason to move out.
Given that he's your father, and you're not even 16, not a good idea.
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I'm an educator and as I was proctoring for an exam in another college department,& I caught two students cheating.
One of them was mouthing the words
" What is the answer to number two?" when I caught them. She even gestured number 2 with her fingers. Her seatmate had her back on me, it was obvious that they were talking to each other.
I reported them to the Discipline Officer and the D.O. in turn, called for the 2 students. The students insisted that they were just making small talk during the exam & they obviously reversed my statements.
Since I do not have any substantial evidence, I am the one now being in question as to why I confiscated their test papers for cheating. My question is, DOES CRYING WHEN CONFRONTED WITH THEIR SINS, A TELL TALE SIGN OF GUILT? (link)
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My girlfriend cries at the drop of a hat. Happy, sad, angry, any level of strong emotion can generate that reaction in her.
Its not evidence of anything except strong emotion.
My advice, drop it. Yeah, as a teacher they drill all that "academic honesty and school code honor" bull shit into you, but in all reality is it that big a deal here? No, you don't want people obviously copying each other left and right, but in the grand scheme of things.
College students doesn't mean jack. A college student is a teenager a few years later, which is no guarantee of any maturing. That being said, if you cant prove it, is it really worth your time and effort to crucify two people who take shortcuts? I can guarantee that people who don't do all the work for themselves suffer for it long after college, you don't have to worry about that.
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my boyfriend was feeling really down because he has a temporary depression. i prayed to God (i'm Christian) and asked if he could make my bf happy and i implied that i'd do anything just to see him happy, even give up my happiness for his. A week later he dumped me and i've never seen him happier. i'm hurt and i'm just wondering if you think it's the work of God or just a weird coincident. (link)
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If God didn't stop Sampson from getting his hair cut by Delilah, I seriously doubt the interfered in your relationship.
Your boyfriend was upset about the relationship. He left it,and is happy. It sucks when someone we care about is better off without us, but this isn't divine intervention, its just human incompatibility.
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I am a senior in high school, and totally scared about next year. right now, it is so confusing and fearful in my life, i dont know what college im going to go to, i dont know what im going to study, or do, and i am going crazy. i need emotional help with that ... lol...
thanks college girls or guys for helping me out. (link)
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College is the shit. The biggest reason is because (hopefully) you will be moving out and have your own freedom and schedule.
You don't have to do everything all at once, you don't have to do anything when you don't want to. You just take classes and study, and have fun on your off time.
A word on majors and classes.
- Most people change majors once or twice through college. You take a class, discover you don't like something, and do something else. I did that with Comp Sci and Electrical Engineering. I sucked at EE and comp sci... I can't sit in front of a computer for 60 hours or more a week programming. It drove me crazy, despite being good at it.
- Given the above, take alot of basics your first two years. English, Algebra, Govt, Eco, Get basics and electives out of the way early, that way you have the option of applying your classes towards a different major if you choose to.
- Reccomended schedule for Freshman year...
1 Class in your chosen major
1 Basic class (math, english, govt, etc. Calculus does not count, I don't care how good at math you are)
1 Class in an area you are good at (easy A, mine were math other than calc, economics, english, etc)
1 Class thats fun (Use an elective credit. Music classes, martial arts, weight lifting, anything with a light workload and easy material)
Start out 12 hours, I recommend not going to 15 your first semester, thats a pretty hefty load. Start off a little easy, build up a solid GPA early so that you can challenge yourself and afford to get a few lower grades later on.
Plus, it helps not to get burnt out early.
Other than that, college isnt scary once you're there. Being able to come and go as I pleased, even at 2 am, that was great.
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I'm a man in my mid-20's, and I've started to notice that my girlfriend of five years is very, very controlling. Like talking to a bunch of people (myself included) like she's our mother.
Now, I'm perfectly fine with a woman who can express what she wants, but how do you get her to realize that she can't control everyone, me especially, without it causing a meltdown? I mean, if this relationship goes to marriage, I need her to know that when I have a strong decision about our future, she can't just ignore me and do whatever. (link)
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Don't marry her until you know its not going to be a problem.
You know, like you've faced decisions like this that went well.
My method, is to simply be uncontrollable. I don't make many demands, and I don't bow to many demands. If someone tries to control me for the sake of controlling me (not because theyre constantly right and I'm wrong) I resist.
Don't let yourself be dictated to, and don't let decisions be taken out of your hands completely. If the girl can't handle you being your own, independent person, the relationship will end.
All of my best relationships have been with girls who were as independent as I am. They don't need to make decisions for me, or have me make their decisions, but we come to a consensus when necessary. You sound like you need something similar.
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can skeit still get a girl pregnant if it gets on your finger and you finger a girl (link)
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Yes, it can.
And using any variation on "Skeet" to describe semen makes you look like a 12 year old who just discovered Lil John music videos.
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ok so i am really addicted to mountain dew. so i thought maybe i'd be a bottle of it for halloween, cause i'm kinda random like that. i REALLY don't have a lot of time on my hands, so does anyone know of an EASY, cheap way to make this that won't take up too much time? (link)
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Hmmm.
The first idea that comes to mind, is getting a ton of 2 liter bottles and literally making a bigger mountain dew bottle with those and super glue. You could go to a copy center and have them print out a huge banner "Mountain Dew" sticker to put around it.
You'd just have to cut the tops and bottoms off bottles, then cut up one side to turn the cylinder into a flat rectangle. A bunch more and some super glue, and finding some way to attach it to yourself are all thats left.
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okay well i know what 4:20 is, i think almost every teenager in america knows. But okay this isnt really a thing for advice,its more of a question and i would GLADLY appreciate it!!!
Well this has been happening to me for like about 2 years.
Everytime the time turns to 420 i look at it!
every single day! it is so weird. And my little pot head friends lol say that thats like tight but i really dont know why this happens. Im not even kidding EVERY day at 4:20. i dont know if its a sign or something. Do you think it has to do with the fact that i was supposed to be born on april 20th? because i was. but my mom had me 10 days earlier.
well anyways if you know like what this means or anything please let me know because i think about it everyday!
thank you so much
(link)
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Its a mental preoccupation.
You think about it, so you notice it, and you think about it some more.
Nothing more than that.
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soooo not even 24 hours ago i was no longer a virgin..we had protected..buttt idk..i'm still nervous..i just don't know if i should be worried about maybe being pregnant..but i haven't been feeling well pretty much after that..help please. (link)
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At this point, its mental.
Signs of pregnancy, especially not feeling well, take a while to set in. Most people don't notice (unless theyre trying to get pregnant or paranoid about it and testing) don't notice until at least a month in, usually.
If you're really worried, wait until you've missed your period for over a week and take a test, then another a week after, and another the week after that. If you don't get your period and don't test positive after the third test, call a doc but 95% chance you aren't pregnant. If you get your period and get all negatives you're in the clear.
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Okay...me and my bf r deeply in love with each other..we've decided that when we have the chance we will have sex. i really love him with all my heart and this is my first time..its his first too.If i give him my virginity it is my all. he told me he really loves me too...i know..guys can lie..but i know for sure my bf is not that type of person. Last time...he fingered me and when he was not deep..it didn't hurt but tthen he moved in it started to hurt...if we have sex will it really hurt? he said it will but he'll hold me really tight..me and my bf might have unprotected sex...he told me to get pills but i dunno where to get them...but if we really do have unprotected sex...what is the chance of me getting pregnant? is there a day we shoujld have sex to lower the chance? is there a way to have sex to lower the risk? what should we do? also...can someone please teach me how to give a guy an oral...i dunno how.. (link)
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Do NOT have unprotected sex. A large number of the people who end up pregnant before high school finishes make exactly the same mistake you are about to make.
The answer is, if you have unprotected sex you very possibly could get pregnant every time you have sex.
Though, for your own edification, ovulation usually happens 2 weeks after your period. During and immediately after ovulation is when you are at your most fertile, though sex before ovulation or long after even up to the start of your period could potentially get you pregnant. This is, however, completely unreliable to you. Why? Teenaged girls bodies are still developing, and often have not settled into a regular rhythm. You could ovulate early, or late. Your period can come faster or slower than the "28 day cycle" that doctors quote as normal.
Use a condom. Do not let ANYONE have sex with you without a condom. Pregnancy is not the only thing to protect yourself from, and guys will lie about how many people theyve been with depending on the results. Ive known guys who said they were virgins or very inexperienced so as to not intimidate or be asked about STDs, and virgins who have lied about being with lots of girls to seem cool.
He is obviously not the most brilliant guy in the world. If hes considering having unsafe sex and told you to get pills as if that was the end of it, he's not taking your or his safety into account very well, he just wants to get laid.
As much as it sucks, it is YOUR responsibility to protect yourself, because you cannot trust anyone else to do it for you 100% of the time.
If you choose sex, you need to at least get 2 things.
1) Condoms with spermicidal lubricant. I recommend Trojans, Ive never had problems with them thus far.
2) Vaginal Contraceptive Film (VCF). Highly recommended. VCF is a little breath strip looking thing you put inside yourself 15 minutes prior. It dissolves into a small amount of spermicidal gel and is quoted to be about 80% effective in preventing pregnancy during unprotected sex that otherwise WOULD have resulted in a pregnancy.
What its there for, is if the condom breaks you have a second line of defense to at least keep you from getting pregnant. Its nowhere near fool proof, but VCF works fine with latex condoms and it gives you that much more protection.
Both can be found on the contraceptives isle together.
Part of doing "adult" activities is taking adult responsibility. I do not recommend you have sex, you do not sound like you are ready for it, but if you choose to despite advice not to then please protect yourself.
Oh, and there is no position that is "less" likely to make you pregnant, regardless of what anyone says. If you get semen in you you can get pregnant, end of story. Anyone who tells you different is lying through their teeth because they are ignorant or/and they just want to get laid.
If you get in the moment and you didn't get condoms, and he didnt get condoms, WAIT. If nothing else, send his ass to the store to get what he needs. I can promise that if you tell him he isnt getting anything without being safe, he WILL be safe. If he refuses... well can you honestly tell me that a boyfriend who just wants to get off and is stupid enough to be willing to risk all kinds of ruination to your lives loves you?
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well i get into these terrible rages where i just want to do violent things (such as break something, hurt myself, verbally hurt someone else) and i dont know how to cope with them. i absolutely HATE when im like that but its really hard to calm down unless i sleep and thats not an option. and these moods/rages happen kinda often as of lately because of my parents so please help. is there a disease/mental diorder that i might have??? and please what are some ways to deal with this? thank you soo much! i will rate! (link)
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The simplest and most effective way to deal with anger is to focus on something else long enough to break the angry streak.
Do something that fully occupies you.
- Read a book you enjoy, preferably a comedy
- Play a video game
- Sit down and start taking deep breaths. Count them. Count as high as you have to.
- Imagine your anger is a red balloon in front of you, and watch it float away
The last one sounds absolutely ridiculous, and it is, but I swear to God that it works despite my having stolen it from the show Frasier. I was really pissed off one day, and just did that out of no where, and just stopped being angry (though, I love Frasier so remembering that show and laughing about it helped)
- Something to Practice -
One of the hardest things to do is stopping the anger train and focusing on something else. This is usually because when we try, we have nothing else to focus on, and so we go right back to angry.
Find some time to yourself when you can not be interrupted. Go sit down on the floor on a cushion or something. Sit there, breathe slowly and deeply, and try to focus on nothing. Actively try to not think about ANYTHING except your breathing. Focus on how you breath. Make your breaths shorter, then longer. Pause between breaths and then breathe constantly. Focus on your muscles and the sensation of breathing.
See if you can do this for five minutes straight without thinking about ANYTHING else, even for a second. Its actually alot harder than it seems.
Alot of people get a metronome. Its a small object that ticks every so often keeping a rhythm. Instead of focusing on breathing, people will often focus on the rhythm of the metronome in order to clear their mind of all else.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Metronome
When you get angry, remember what it feels like to focus on your breathing, or to focus on the ticks of the metronome. Go back to that place where you clear your mind of all else, and focus on that for a minute. Usually thats enough to calm you down, even if you're still upset about something you won't be freaking out about it anymore.
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