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Long Distance
does anyone belive in long distance relationships? Does anyone have advice on how to make them work?
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Dont listen to people who say Long distance relationships never work. Sure.. sometimes they don't. But sometimes they do. Before you get into a long distance relationship, you have to know, and be aware that it WON'T be easy. The only way it will work, is if you are willing to work hard, You need to have complete trust, communication, trust, and hard work, is what make them work. You have to be honest with the person, you have to be able to trust that the person cares about you enough, not to do anything, and you need to be able to talk to the person. I find that a bonus of long distance relationships, is that you get to know the person, and then you can see if they care about you for more your personality then just looks. I'm currently in a long distance relationship, ive been in them before, but this time is different, i know he wouldn't hurt me. I trust him, and i'm willing to work hard to make it work. I hope it works out for you.
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I've had a good mumber of long distance relationships... James, V, David, Matt, Corey, Spike, Lon, Mike, Erik and Kevin, to name the top 10. None of them really worked. James and V were my two longest... James just stopped calling one day... V and I got in a fight. V and I are still friends, he came to see me recently, but that's all we can ever be because of the distance.
They don't work, I've tried. I've tried a lot. There are too many trust issues, closeness issues, even communicative issues. The only time I condone long distance is when your spouse joins the army. That can work... I've seen that work, but I've also seen that fail. I've never seen any other kind of LDR work...
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1) Remember that its not love. Distance allows you to see all the good about a person without suffering the bad. Until you've seen them on a very regular basis, you don't really know what you're dealing with. Love means knowing a person, not just feeling strongly about them.
2) You have to be able to see each other regularly. It has to be something you can schedule and depend on. I was in a distance relationship where we only got one or two weekends a month. Difficult to deal with, even talking 2-3 hours a night. If you can't schedule that, if its just "oh I have the money to come visit randomly" its not going to be structured enough to survive more than a month or two probably.
3) There has to be a planned end point. Its a goal, not just a "whenever we get the chance". There has to be a point where you can and will live in the same city, at least.
4) It has to fit in with your life. You can't get into a relationship and decide you want to move to cali from the east coast because you met someone who you love talking to on the phone. Well, you can if you want, but you need to be able to make those choices without destroying your life.
A high school or early college couple who want to move together is different from an adult who meets someone and can look for jobs, get an apartment, and pay for his/her move somewhere else, and actually make a life choice to be with someone.
5) Living with someone will change everything. Especially with distance, living with someone is hard as hell. Going from distance to living with someone... huge change regardless of marriage or no. Though, if you went distance to married you'd be insane.
The reason people date others close by is to get them time to get used to someone. Their habits, good and bad. Their tendencies, preferences, likes, dislikes, all of it. Without the "every day" pressure of living with someone.
Distance removes that ability, and the problem is that if you are far away from each other, it can be impractical to move close without moving in together, but if you move in together you get shell shocked by all the day to day details that make up a person.
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well i have done the long distance thing twice. first time it didnt work, you'd think id stop :). but i didnt. so now i am in this relationship where my bf is in college at cali and me in nevada. people tell me all the time how do you trust him when he is in college and away. my answer is because thats just it I HAVE TRUST. in my first relationship, i didnt. the first thing that i believe you need to have is TRUST and HONESTY 100% without it you wont make it. the other thing would be to try to have communication occasionlly. my bf and i talk every night on the phone usually an hour to three call us crazy huh. and throughout the day we txt when we have time. so basically you have to try harder in a long distance relationship and have trust, i can not say that enough because it is a huge factor.
but then if you are asking about men or women in the army and leaving a loved one that i dont know about. i have known people who have left to go to the army and left someone behind and it never worked out but i know their are tons of more people out their who have made it work. in that you just need to be patient and hopefully they come back.
i can tell you this much army or a state apart or two hours away when that person comes and sees you the feeling is incredible and depending on how much you love that person and care about them your eyes light up while they are there with you and a huge "kool aid" smile :) and it doesnt go away and the feelings amazing. its worth the wait and i believe it makes your relationship stronger.
so all in all. good luck if you have a long distance relationship or if you are considering it. :)
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