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Q: ok so im sorry if this is a stupid question but does putting on sunscreen before you go outside to tan prevent you from getting tan? im using SPF 30 and it doesn't seem like im getting tan. im pretty white so i burn easily so what kind of sunscreen should i use if i do want to get a tan?

You should always wear sunscreen. It doesn't block everything, just reduces the rays that get to you. If you were in the sun for an hour and didn't wear sunscreen, that'd be the same as going in the sun for 30 hours with SPF 30.

Any skin changes by the sun, tanning or burning, come from harmful rays and are technically bad for you, but if you slow down and are careful about things then you're less likely to burn and therefore a little safer.

My advice? If you're going to be in the sun all afternoon, be safe and stick with the 30. If you're only going to be out for a little while, or later in the day, use 10 or 15. I'm pretty white, too, and like to keep both SPFs around the house... 10 for going to the pool after work, 45 for going on a canoe trip all day, you know?

Q: i have a really bad phobia of brown recluse spiders. its getting to the point where i cant sleep at night, and im contstantly checking under chairs, under tables, on walls of smaller spaces, and on celings and corners of rooms when i walk in, and i always feel like somethings crawling on me. i feel like im going crazy, what can i do to get over this??

Brown recluse spiders are, well, reclusive, and like to hang out in woodpiles and forests where people don't bother them. The brown leggy spiders in your house are more likely to be wood spiders, which aren't poisonous. Even if a brown recluse does bite you, you'll get a nasty sore, that's it, you won't die or lose a leg or anything.

That said, lots of people have fears that they know are irrational but they still have trouble dealing with them. My advice is to keep reading up on spiders... the more you know, the better you'll feel. Visit the zoo and see if they have spiders, and if they do, hang out with them a while. Go outside and look for spiders in an area where you feel open and safe. You might be going crazy but you're not there yet.

Q: I hate everything I see in malls and department stores. I don't want to wear any of it. Sooo, I've decided to stop griping and start making my own clothes. Unfortunatley, I don't know the first thing about sewing. NOTHING. I enjoy going to fabric stores, i'll think, oh maybe I'll use that one day, and I have all these designs in my mind. I just don't want to walk into my first sewing class looking like an idiot because I have the cheap, wrong, low quality materials I need. Any suggestions on what I should pick up, any brand names I should be aware of, any tips for a beginner would be greatly appreciated! Thanks in advance.

When you're first learning to sew, you want cheap, wrong, low quality materials, because you're going to screw it up. Go for bargain bins and practice, it's cool, trust me. Buy fabric that's easy to work with like plain cotton, fleece or flannel, and make stuff that's easy like loungewear, pajamas, and skirts. Sewing takes a lot of practice. It's really fun, but saying "I want to learn to sew so I can design my own wardrobe" is like saying "I want to get in shape so I can climb mount everest." Pace yourself and be patient... there's a lot to get out of the learning process.

Q: I am a female from Canada.
I am in a serious committed relationship with my bf and he does not know that I am bi-sexual. I have been considering telling him because of my re-occuring problems about fantasizing being in a relationship with a female.
I love my bf as well and we have a healthy relationship. I want to tell him because I don't feel right keeping secrets from him. We are very open to each other. Should I tell him? How should I put it so he won't feel threatened?
Advice please?

I don't think your bisexuality is really relevant right now. You're with one person, a man, and you're happy with him, am I right? If you've been with women in the past and want him to know about it, that's one thing, and it's okay to tell him. If you're having issues in the relationship and would rather be with a woman, that's something he might be interested in, too. But just to say, "I'm bisexual," it's like, great, okay, what do you want him to do about it? It'd be like me telling my boyfriend, "I like men." what men? now? previously? more than him? enough to leave him?

Everyone has fantasies about other people, it doesn't really matter if those people are the opposite or same gender as who they're with, they're all just people, and you have to decide if you'd chose one of them over your boyfriend for any reason.

Q: Our 17 year old neighbor boy came to my door tonight and said to me "stop spreading rumors about me" amoungst other words that were not even logical. He apparently jumped to some conclusions or something, but I did not say the things that he says I did. He was angry, and out of control. I told him to get off my property before I called the police. This isn't the first run in we've had with these neighbors, but I have always tried to get along. Even after their dog attacked my daughter 10 years ago, and caused her permanent scarring to her face...I didn't sue them, and still strived for peace between us. I had a case too..but I didn't want to take food off the table of a single mom!

My daughter who is his age, told me that she just noticed key marks on her car. I think he might have done this, but I have no proof. He's always been mean to her, and made fun of her for the scars and blamed her because their vicious dog was put down at the hands of the law. But I was still pleasant to him, even though he won't even look my way if I met him on the street.

Any time in the past that I have tried to talk to the Mother of these kids, she stands up for her kids and doesn't want to believe that they are ever in the wrong.

I am so distraught over this obnoxious brat--and that he even came to my door looking for a fight. To top it off, I am running a 102 temp and feel really rotten..I was sleeping when he knocked on the door.

He was very wrong..and owes me an apology, but I know that will never happen. I don't want to exchange any bad words with him again, and I don't want to deal with his Mother..but we have to face each other all the time as our houses are only about 20 feet apart, and we live in a very small suburban area.

What do you think I should do to handle this situation? I have already talked to the other people that he tried to involve, and they didn't know what he was talking about either.

I think it sounds like he's off his meds. Don't exchange any words with him or his mother, period. Don't answer the door if he comes back, and get caller ID, and tell your daughter to keep her distance, too. If he refuses to get off your property, really call the police next time, don't just threaten it.

Q: I fell and got a big gash on my leg when I was 11, and I didn't get it stitched, but now I have an indentation about 3" by 3". Does anyone know any ways to get rid of it. I'm small framed, so i'm very embarrased about it because to me it looks like cellulite. please help.

Own it! Tell everybody you got in a knife fight, they'll think you're a total badass, it'll be awesome.

You can also try vitamin E... you can buy gel caps at most stores that you can pop or break to get the liquid out and apply to your scar and it might fade a little. It won't go away completely though, sorry.

Q: hey, this is kind of a gross question, but does anyone know how to treat a blister? Mine is from a burn. Its all filled with liquid. It doesn't hurt, I was just wondering. Some people have told me to pop it and bandage it, some people have told me to just leave it. I need to know how to treat it properly. Thanks. I will rate high for helpful answers.

If it doesn't hurt, don't pop it. Popping a blister should only be done if it's in a place where pressure is put on it frequently, and once the skin is broken you'd have to be really careful to keep it clean and steril so it doesn't get infected. Let it go and it'll heal on its own.

Q: okay, so, im thinking about doing homeschooling for the rest of my highschool year (im a freshman right now).

my mom only wants to try it out for the sophmore year to "see how it goes" the only thing is, i want to do it for the rest of my highschool years, not just one. i dont want to go back because
a) i hate hate hate hate the school. to the 10th power.
b) my school is really shitty...no money....bad kids...dont learn much.
c) once you go back from highschool its hard to get caught up because im homeschool you dont techinically have credits it just depends on how many hours you spend per class
(this is what i heard, it could be wrong, so if it is you can tell me)

i need advice pleeeeeeeease as if to what you think i should do and please dont say "stick it out for the next 3 years" because not an option to me.

thanks guys

I'm not a big fan of homeschooling.

You can get the most out of any bad public school by reading more on your own and pushing yourself... you've got books and a library and the internet, and it shouldn't matter if the teachers are sometimes crappy or other kids distract you in class.

In life, you won't be able to pick a job with no bad managers or coworkers, you'll have to deal with it. In college, you won't be able to pick the exact right people for every group project. The bad aspects of high school teach you how to get ready for that sort of thing. It might seem pointless sometimes, but every day you struggle with high school you're learning to adapt to a challenging environment that's a lot more like the real world.

Once you graduate you'll learn that there are "book smart" people, who just have facts memorized and good GPAs, and "street smart" people, who know how to network, use personal resources, and climb to the top. Those are the people who get far in life, and they don't learn to do that by running away from challenging learning environments.

Q: So my mom is getting a divorce from my step dad and the thing is that this is her 3rd divorce!

A part of me is happy because I can't stand my step dad but then again, it's just really embarrassing to know that my mother has been married 3 times and they have all failed.

I just don't know how I'm going to be able to handle it when she gets married a 4th time. And I know she will because I know her. It's coming down to people thinking she's a gold digger and I just don't know what to think anymore. Does anyone have any ideas on this?

It might be embarassing but she's your mom, and she's the only mom you've got, and divorce is a really tough thing to go through. My advice would be to spend lots of time with her and try to get her to talk about it.

Also, and this'll sound horrible but it's true, you need to be trying to absorb all the lessons you can from your mother's failed relationships so you don't repeat them yourself. A lot of kids grow up and repeat their parent's mistakes... if their mother picked abusive guys, they'll pick abusive guys. if she picked bad fathers they'll pick bad fathers. It sounds obvious to avoid, but if it's the only thing you've known as being family, it's the path you'll take unless you really watch out and try to figure out how to tell which guys are right and wrong before you marry them.

Q: Is it too late for me to change my mind about the University I want to go to? I want to start in the Fall.

Right now, I'm supposed to go to one school but I'm starting to lean towards another. I was accepted to both but is it too late to change my mind?

Certainly not... I used to work for my university's housing department, and we had people show up on move in day, three days before classes started, like, "I just decided to go here."

You might not get all the classes you want, and might not get the best dorm room, but it's certainly not too late to change your mind.

Q: is www.download.com a completely safe and free site to download from??

Yes. It's owned by cnet and has been around forever. Not all the software you download from there is free though... be sure to review license information before downloading. A lot of the software is just "Free to try", meaning that after a time period it'll bug you to pay for it. If you're looking for free software, use the "Advanced Search" feature and set the license criteria to "free".

Q: I'm 20 years old,quite old enough for living alone,but i've got a big problem.My parents and especially my dad doesn't allow me to move to and began my new independent life.I feel like i'm in prison here.could anyone advise me what to do?

If you're financially able to move out, then for God's sake MOVE! Go get an apartment, order a bed to sleep on, and be an adult!

If you're a college student and still living with your parents then that's another story, you're just going to have to deal with the prison for another few years. It'll motivate you to save up money and be ready when the time comes though. Spend extra time at the library studying so you can get an even better job and move out that much faster.

Q: Hi i am 15/f

and I was just reading about job offer in Etnies girl website and they said...

Qualifications
-A minimum of three years experience within Graphic Design with a strong emphasis in girls/women\'s branding and design.
-Needs to work well independently, have excellent follow through skills and self-initiative.
-Candidates must be proficient in Quark, Illustrator, and Photoshop. *This is not an entry-level position.
-Strong, quick, & creative Graphic Designers are needed to thrive in a deadline driven environment.

------------------------------------

and since me only being 15, and do not have ANY experience...I was wondering where i can get a head start on it because I really want to prepare for the future, since i doubt my family can support me on money when i go to college...So I was wondering if there is any job offer that doesnt pay, (yes i am that desperate), internship or anything where i can get experience???
Or any design contests?

Please let me know. (by the way, is there any way you do internship or job through internet because you dont live in same state or anything? and since that's the position i am in...sine i cant drive or move as i pleases)

Thanks so much in advance!

No matter what career you're interested in, now's a good time to start doing research on what the big companies are and learning what type of entry-level employees they do hire. If you're gutsy, contact one of them and ask if there's someone who hired on in the past 5 years or so, who you can talk to about their job, how they got it, and how you can get it. Be sure to ask them what kinds of software they used and how you can learn about it (they might recommend a book, for example) and find out where they went to school and for how long. They also might be able to suggest places for internships.

This will be more work than it sounds like, and it takes some courage and dedication, but if you're sure about what you want to do in life and you start looking into what it takes now then you'll be really far ahead of the curve when you're 18. Keep your enthusiasm, up, it's awesome!

Q: Long story short a teacher who taught me last year (but i still have to see around)has never liked me and vice versa as she has a nasty habit of picking on students in a ridiculously childish and unprofessional way. Well I've always refused to be intimidated by her and although I've never been rude I've always stood my ground.

Now she knows I won't be intimidated she's taken to spreading false but relatiely harmless rumours to my teachers behind my back. And just today I found out she's been telling people I've changed my mind about a university place I've accepted which I certainly haven't. I have no idea where she gets these things from or if she just akes them up but I've had enough and really want to say something to her about this incident in particular (as obviously if it gets back to the university it will not look good).

Any suggestions as to what I should say that puts an end to it without being rude?

I'm leaving school in a few days if it helps.

Thanks for reading

I wouldn't do anything.

There's a saying that goes: Great people talk about ideas, average people talk about events, shallow people talk about people. She's one of those who talks about people, and by trying to confront her on it, you're basically letting her know that you're one of those people too... you listen to gossip about yourself, care what she's saying about you, and let it get to you.

Q: How do you know when you are in love with someone? And how do you know if it is true love?

Well, it's not the funny fireworks nervous feelings or thinking about them all the time... that just means you have a crush, it happens all the time, it'll be over with in a month.

Love is when you've found a million things inside that person that you know you can't find anywhere else. You have real, substantial conversations all the time that bring you closer together. You respect each other and want to spend time together and make sacrifices. You have common values, not just interests, and you both want to grow and be better people for the other person.

It's not always totally logical... you could meet someone who seems perfect for you, but they never really inspire you or capture your interest. It can also be misleading, because you could just think someone's really hot and you want to be around them but that's not love. It's a mix of solid ground and unexplainable clouds that you get to, and people say you'll know it when it hits you but I'm not so sure about that, I think it hits you first, then you wake up and realize it, but it's different for everyone, you'll have to find it in your own journey.

Q: my boyfriend and i have been going out for almost a year. we're both 15. recently he's told me that he likes other girls, but would never cheat. he says he only likes them based on looks and anytime he sees them, he always compares them to me in the back of his mind and they always lose. but when i found out about this, i was upset. i feel uncomfortable that he likes other girls besides for me. is that selfish? he loves me and i love him but i don't want other girls to be on his mind. it hurts...should i try to be ok with him liking other girls or should i break up with him? i mean, people can't help who they like, right?

I'd ask more questions about why he'd even tell you something like that... I mean, it's a given that guys will look at other girls and think they're hot, that's not worth bringing up, it's just how people are. But the fact that he wanted you to know he "liked" them, well, that sounds like he's prepping for a breakup. Ask him some more questions about how he feels about you... if he's always on the lookout for someone better, he might feel like he's "settling" for you and wants to move on but can't.

Q: My boyfriend is going to another country to be with his family. We've been together for just 4 months and i don't know if our relationship's worth keeping or not.
Please help me!

P.S.
I'm fifteen years old, by the way.

If you're not sure, you should probably agree to just be friends. There's no telling when he'll be back (maybe never) and by maintaining a long distance relationship you'll be missing out on experiences and lessons you'd learn from other possible relationships. Agree to send e-mails, but don't pledge to be exclusive, it'll just make you miserable.

Q: I don't even know where to begin...

My Dad has been flipping out on me for things I don't even do. He makes everything my fault and I can't talk to him about it because he says "I'm overreacting" or that he doesn't do that. He is constantly telling me to be more like my little sister, who apparently can do no wrong. It always feels like he hates me, and just now he left the house mad because I FIXED my keyboard....I FIXED IT and he still is pissed. I don't know what he wants from me but it always feels like I'm never going to measure up to whatever it is that he wants from me. I don't know what to do, everytime I try to talk to him about ANYTHING he ignores me, or just doesn't care. I'll ask him about his day or tell him about mine, and he just says "mhm" or doesn't acknoweldge me at all. This has been happening for a really long time, about 5 months or so has he made me just bawl my eyes out. I was in the BEST mood today, and he accused me of not respecting him when I didn't even do anything to provoke it and I went up into my room and bawled my eyes out. I can't take it anymore...my Mom says it's "tough love"...but it's not like I'm even doing anything wrong!!! I just don't understand why my Dad hates me so much...I always feel like the unloved child, and I don't know what to do anymore.

Any advice?

My guess is that there's stress in other parts of his life and he's taking it out on you... you might ask him about that. It's weird that he doesn't want to have a normal conversation with you, like about your day, but he'll go off and criticize you. I think next time he does that, you should tell him how you feel, especially if he says something about how you treat him (like not respecting him or listening)... use that opportunity to tell him how frustrated you are about never really communicating, just getting yelled out. Ask him if he remembers the last time you just talked about what was up in your lives, and encourage him to tell you about how he feels, not just how pissed off he is. A lot of times dads have trouble knowing how to approach their daughters, he might feel like you're in a different world and he should write off a relationship with you, and I hate to see that but it's all too common.

Q: My boy friend is in prison for 3 to 5 years he want's me too wait it;s been 8 month's since he's
been in prision time's going by fast.Should I wait for him?I love him with all my heart.Please help

No, that's a load. Unless you're married there's no reason to wait for anyone that long, it's a waste of your time.

Q: Could you date someone who had very different or totally contrary views to your own. For example, if you were a dedicated Democrat and they were a Republican, or if you were quite religious and they were an atheist. Would those sort of things be a dealbreaker for you or would you still want to see them?

Do you think relationships like that are doomed or are disagreements like that healthy?

I don't think specific differences really matter as much as big, general values. For example, I'm a Christian, but I could date someone who is looking for spirituality and just hasn't settled onto a conclusion yet. I could not date someone who thinks religion is a plague on mankind. To me, that says something about their character. I consider myself a liberal, but I could date someone who voted for Bush based on fiscal policy. I could not date someone who voted for Bush because he's more likely to bomb the shit out of Iraq; I think war is wrong, and anyone who thinks it's right is not the sort of character I'd want to date.

So basically, don't look at the big labels, think about the person's character and what their philosophies say about them. You might find that you agree on the big things, and that's what's important.

bio

I've been in the advice column over five years now so I think I've pretty much heard it all... the love, the hate, the random insanity. I don't take it too seriously, so I'm not always giving the best advice, but my column is fun to read!

I am a 23 year old electrical engineer, a feminist, a Christian. I don't know everything but I can sure pretend to.

Disclaimer: Now that I'm on advicenators I'm getting even more questions every day. It's fast and easy for me to answer them, yes, so at least I'm answering something now, but if your question contains the words "there's this guy that I like..." chances are I won't get around to it. I'm only answering interesting questions that I haven't answered before. Register at the site and ask everyone for advice if you must have an answer, because if people read my column and boring love advice was all they found, they'd never come back.