Whatever your problem is, chances are I have dealt with it- either directly of indirectly- at some point in my life. I've worked as a Social Worker (with issues like mental illness, addiction, disabilities, eating disorders, etc.)
I've also taught school (to teens!)and have experience mentoring them.
In addition to that, I've lived in 4 different countries, many different cities, and worked jobs in all different fields from Software Sales to Fashion Designer.
This diverse life experience has given me knowledge on a wide variety of topics- which I hope I can put to good use here. :-)
So go ahead- ask away!
PS- I do not judge people or speak to them in a condescending way. However, I will be honest and tell you what you NEED to hear, not what you WANT to hear.
Gender: Female
Location: New York
Age: 34
Member Since: July 15, 2007
Answers: 181
Last Update: June 24, 2009
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DangerNerd
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I'm in the process of overcoming . . . eating issues. I'm not to the point where I can call it an eating disorder, although chances are, it is. But that's not important.
I'm increasing my calories slowly, and the higher I go, the more difficult it is. I'm still at a number well under the recommended minimum intake, yet it seems obscenely high to me. I have motivation; I want to be healthy because I want to eventually work as a psychologist and help others be healthy. The problem is remembering that goal when it comes time to actually eat the extra foods. Before I eat them, I'm pretty good at convincing myself that it's okay, even necessary. But after I eat, it's an entirely different matter. All I can think about is how sick I feel and how (irrationally) I'm destroying everything I worked for. I feel like I've totally lost control and that I'm going to regain the 100+ pounds I managed to lose over the last year.
But I want this . . . sort of. Any suggestions for reminding myself that no, increasing calories will not lead to out of control binging (I have a history of that, as well) and that it's for the sake of my health? I'd rather not have something as obvious as notes hanging around because frankly, it's not something I want my family particularly involved in.
Apologies for the length; if you've read this far, I appreciate it.
I'm 20, female, if it matters. (link)
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First of all, good job so far on increasing your calorie intake. You are making progress, and the fact that you are even writing this question means that you do want to keep improving.
You said "I want this...sort of", I believe that you DO want it, but you're afraid that you will lose control. You mentioned that you lost over 100 lbs., is this part of what's holding you back now, that you're afraid you'll just put the weight back on if you eat a healthy diet?
Since you are interested in psychology and seem very well-informed I'm sure that you've probably heard that eating disorders are often more about control than they even are about the weight and the food. Of course, you don't want to be heavy and that's a part of it, but a big part is also feeling like you have control over something in your life. If you go back and re-read your question I think you may find it interesting to note that you actually use the word 'control' twice. So this seems to be an underlying issue.
There usually are underlying issues with things like this- which is why it helps to speak with a professional. They can help you uncover what the 'real problem' is that is preventing you from reaching your goal.
If you absolutely can not or will not see a counselor, try at least some kind of support group (online if you prefer) that can help you work through this. It's much easier when you have someone to talk to who 'gets it'.
Good luck, and keep up the good work.
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15/f Ok, I never really hung out on the weekends with friends but now its getting worse. (This is long but please read. Thanks)
Ok, in 8th grade all this drama occured and I lost many friends. I actually read an online blog of someone who was "reporting" the drama and this girl left a comment saying "Oh, yea shes sooo annoying. Just tell the ___ to go away and never come around again" and this girl who acted like my bff was like "yea i know. i hate her. shes always following me around" &later in the yr this old friend of mine said "well you could always hit her when your mad" to the girl who started it and then smiled at me as she left.
then last yr it was a new school and the people i was hanging out with went to a different school and the people i have known forever dont talk to me. so i had to hang out with these girls who i honestly dont like and im pretty sure dont like me since the "leader" always is putting me down any chance she gets. she says im a "big dork, im short and its not because im short,& that i dont have any fun".
Also, i wore this shirt from hco and this girl was all like "ew why are you wearing that? losers dont wear that brand"
I feel so sad and sometimes I cry myself to sleep. I dont get why I dont have any friends. (Neither does my mom) Plus now I hate talking to people outside of class because once I heard these girls talking about this girl who hangs out with them during school and they were saying how no one likes her and how shes soo clingy and annoying. I felt that echo in my head when I went to a school function and I was suppose to be meeting up with a group and I only saw this girl who was part of it BUT she invited people from another school (her friends) and no one else was there. I felt soo...bad. I told my mom it was fine but it really wasnt. yes I had a good time but still.
So anyways, any tips on making friends or being more outgoing/confident. Please dont say "join clubs" because people join them with their friends and sometimes the other people dont like you.
(link)
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Things are tough at your age. Kids can be very cruel. Teenagers often think they know everything, but are still kids who have no clue yet about what is really important in the 'real world'. And their whole world often focuses on what is 'cool' and what isn't. Everyone tries to do, wear, say, the 'cool' stuff and is afraid to just be themselves and do anything on their own for fear of being made fun of. This also leads them to join in with a ring leader who suddenly declares someone or something 'uncool'.
Sometimes people say or do cruel things not because they mean it or believe it but simply because THEY are so afraid that if they don't they will be labeled uncool themselves. So as to your friends saying mean things, there is a good chance that they are only saying this crap because they have no backbone to stand up and go against the grain.
I can assure you that everyone else is having a lot of the same feelings that you are. Everyone has their 'war stories' from this time in their lives.
I know that it is very painful sometimes and you just don't know what to do. The only comfort I can give you right now is to tell you that in the long run NONE of this stuff will matter. All of these things that seem so important now, you will all laugh at when you get older and realize how childish and silly this junk was.
The only things you can do in a situation like this are:
1. Take it for what it is- a bunch of stupid, and sometimes cruel kids who think they know about the world but are really clueless.
2. Have a backbone- don't be like the other kids who are terrified to stand up and be who they are. Be better than them. Have the courage to be yourself.
3. Believe in yourself no matter what anyone says. Find some like-minded people who are more mature, like yourself and forget the others.
4. Realize that every adult has stories like this of horrible things that happened in high school. They made it through and so will you. Hang in there.
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ok i might be pregnant and well i don't know what to do i am 15 and i don't know how to get a pregnancy test i could ask an adult i know that wouldn't tell my mom anything but i don't want to be pregnant so i don't know what i should do should i just pray its not true or should i just i don't know i am so confused i need to take a pregnancy test but i don't know how to get one (link)
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You can also contact the planned parenthood center in your area. They are all over the country, so there should be one. This is the kind of thing that they deal with.
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ok so my freinds birthday is coming up and as a joke i want to get her some of that edible lotions stuff and like massage oil stuff too. im 16 and i cant order it off line...so cann you tell me where you can buy it? and prices too? (link)
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withdrawn
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okay,so like my friend took me to the pool today and i noticed that she kept going to the edge of the pool hanging over the edge in a trance like 8 times before i asked her, what's wrong. she told me "it feels so good" and was like entirely dozed off. so i noticed that she was letting the jets on the wall hit her pussy. so i tried next to her and i'm telling u IT FELT SO GOOD!!! oh my god! i can't explain it, i've never felt that way before. anyway, my question is, is that normal? r there any other girls out there who do this too? (link)
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Yes, it's normal. And the other posters are right, it is a form of masturbation.
The water is stimulating your clitoris and that's why it feels good. This is how most women achieve orgasm. I don't know if you got that far in your little experiment, but if you felt like a big 'release' that feels really good like your whole body is letting go- than that's an orgasm.
You can also achieve orgasm by stimulating this area with your fingers, by moving your fingers over the clitoris. (if you didn't know that already).
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ok so the other night at a party i was sitting behind the house and it was dark out and i was with 2 of my best guy friends. well they kept going up my shorts and down my shirt but no matter how much i told them to stop the one kept touching me down there and down the back of my shorts... they kept following me and even did it secretly when ppl were around!! and then i was laying on the grown and the one guy put his thing right in my face and begged me to suck it and kept pushing it at my mouth but i locked my lips.. so im basically asking was i molested? i hate this feeling i have now (link)
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This was sexual assault.
And I agree with the first post that you should tell your parents or an older person that you can trust right away. This kind of thing is very hard to tell parents, but look at it this way, you would want to know if it were your child wouldn't you?
You should also report this to the police so these dispicable characters get the message that they can't continue this sort of thing with other young girls. I know that's hard to do if they were your friends, but what they did was not how a 'friend' acts, so they deserve whatever is coming to them.
Also, talk with a school counselor or another professional who can help you work through this. It is especially painful when something like this happens from someone you knew or once trusted, so you will probably have feelings of anger, confusion, betrayel, all sort of things to work through.
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What can you do if you are having sex and the condom breaks and your parents are going to kill you if you get pregnant or even find out you had sex again?
Oh and we have no way of getting the morning after pill either.
PLEASE HELP ASAP (link)
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Call your local planned parenthood office.
This is the kind of thing that they deal with. They have offices all over the country, so there should be one in your area.
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OK im a 16/f and ive only had sex twice.. i know for sure that neither of the people ive had sex with has an STD. But ive been having stomach cramps lately, and it burns when i go to the bathroom. Could that be an std? (link)
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The other answers are correct. It could be a couple of different things, so you need to see a doctor.
But, the MORE IMPORTANT QUESTION here is that you are even concerned about having an STD in the first place. I'm assuming that you are asking this because you did not use a condom?
I certainly hope that that is not the case. But if it is, let this be your lesson for the future. Do not gamble by not using a condom, no matter what the circumstances, or you may have much bigger problems to worry about.
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Hi..im Tara and i have been wanting to have sex more and one time i got my freind on the couch naked with me while my parents werent home....and once i looked up naked girls on the computer.....ive been doing this for a long time now almost 1 whole year. Sometimes i just ask my freinds over so i can look at there boobs and vagina and i ask them to have sex with me and they do it....and i love doing it with them...it all started when my freind took my virginity away from me she held me and started humping me and takeing off my clothes....fist the shirt then the bra and then shes says can i see it? and she takes off my under wear..and she starts licking it and licking my boobs andshe does it alot but now i like it and im starting to feel realy sluty and one time i sent a picture of me naked to her and she sent one to me...i like loking at naked women and haveing sex with women and feeling there vaginas and boobs...i just feel good when i do it what is wrong with me?? (link)
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You may be gay or you may just be exploring. Or you could be bi. Take your time and wait for things to develop naturally on their own. You will know soon enough.
There's no rush to put a 'label' on yourself is there?
And as far as all this exploring goes with your friends- just because you have all these urges popping up now doesn't mean that you have to ACT on everyone of them! Take your time with things, and don't do anything that you or your friends might end up regretting. Nor do you want to get the wrong kind of reputation.
Hope this helps. :)
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sorry if this gets long, but i appreciate anyone who anwsers.
in the last two days i've lost over like seriously 5 friends. one of which imed me and told me about 5 people who think im a slut! one of which i like. but just met that day. because i typed that i cut myself.
im crying nonstop all the time, i hate who i am. ive been having suicide thoughts nonstop. im emotionally dead basically, and im hurting myself physically. i cant ask anyone for help, ill just scare them away /=
i used to be like this on and off, usually on, since 5th grade, i dont want pain anymore. i told everyone not to talk to me, im going to delete my myspace account.
one girl imed me telling me i have to give up a friendship for a while because of this kids girlfriend needing help, when i need it just as much. i feel like im a sob story. but im dead serious. i need help from anyone! (link)
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There are no two ways about it- you need help! Professional help, that is. Not advice from friends and certainly something more substantial than IM'ing each other.
If you are cutting and having suicidal thoughts then you need to get professional help ASAP. This is not something to play around with.
Have you discussed this with your parents? Do they know that it's this bad or do they just think you're going through the normal teenage mood swings? You need to talk with them if you haven't already. That's number one.
Then you need to see a therapist. They might also refer you to a psychiatrist if they feel that you should be evaluated for meds.
If for some reason your parents won't or can't get you help, then there are other places you can try- one of them is NAMI- nami.org
If you are ever in an emergency situation where you feel you are feeling suicidal- call 911. There are also suicide hotlines, though these people are sometimes volunteers who are not trained professionals, so be aware of this.
Whatever you do, get professional guidance. The way you are talking and acting is not healthy at all. Get yourself better so you can get back to enjoying life again. :)
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i frequently put my self down, and its really hard on me at times. i have very low confidence in myself, and was wondering what are the many ways to build confidence?
and if you know anything about depression medicine that'd be great to hear!
(link)
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One thing that really helps with self-esteem is to find something that you are good at. Everyone has something that they can do well- whether it's a sport, art or writing, a subject in school, a hobby- which could entail almost anything including games like chess or scrabble...there are thousands of things to explore. Join a group at school, try some new things, some you may be good at, some not, but have fun and learn along the way. And eventually, you will find something that you really shine at which will make you feel a whole lot better about yourself.
I realize that it may be hard to 'jump' into new things if your self-esteem is low, but that's all the more reason why you should try it. The key is to not take yourself so seriously. Just go in with the idea that you are going to explore something new and maybe meet some new people- don't have too high expectations. Then take it from there. If it's not your 'thing', then there are dozens of other things to try. If you take this approach then things will be just fine.
Don't worry about what might go wrong or what people are going to think. If everyone worried about that, then nothing would ever get accomplished in this world!
PS- If you're not able to muster up the courage the join a group, sports team or the other suggestions above, you can also try volunteering somewhere. There are dozens of places always looking for volunteers- everything from visiting people in nursing homes to helping sort cans at the food bank, tutoring, helping people to read or to learn english, churches need help...this list is endless. Sometimes seeing people who are in much worse conditions than yourself gives you a bit of a reality check and helps you to realize that you're not so bad off. Also, being able to positively impact the life of someone else gives you a good feeling of accomplishment. So this is something to look into too.
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I probably read like 400 tampons questions on this website and other websites. I worked up the courage to try to put a tampax pearl tampon in. I was thiking oh it will probably be a bit uncomfortable or painful but will slide in. I couldn't even get the first step done, inserting the applicator, i inserted about an inch of the applicator into my vagina, and it felt HORRIBLE! like if i went any further my vagina was going to burst open or rip apart or something, it felt like my body was telling me DONT STICK THAT THING IN HERE!! Like, it physically WOULDN'T GO IN unless I like jammed the thing up at 50 miles per hour. Maybe because my 'hole' is so small. It really is, it looks like I couldn't even stick a pea up there. Also, I tried multiple times sticking it in at different angles and positions. Still got the same feeling. What am I doing wrong! Please help! I want to wear a tampon. :( (link)
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Don't do something that you are totally uncomfortable with just because your friends are doing it, or the other option is not considered 'cool'.
There are PLENTY of women who go through their whole lives not wearing a tampon. Some women simply don't like them, and that's ok.
And another thing, I don't know how old you are, but you should be of a certain age to be even trying this. Especially if you are a virgin, your body may not be ready for this yet.
I'm sure this is not the answer that you wanted to hear since you stated that you want to wear one. But listen, everyone in this world is different and needs to do things in their own way and in their own time! What is right for someone else may not be right for you, at least not right now. So please, don't feel a need to rush this when you are obvious uncomfortable with it. Have enough confidence in yourself to do what's right for you, instead of just what everyone else does. THAT is the true sign of maturity.
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For the last few days, I've been having a hard time going to sleep. It takes me at least 1-2 hours to finally rest my mind. The cause is I have a restless mind. I think about too much such as School, Burglury and My schedule for tomorrow.
What can I do to get my mind off all these ideas so I can be able to sleep.
P.S. If I can avoid it, please don't say pills!
Age: 14/F
-Thanks! (link)
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Since you have a very busy mind, the best thing to do is to try to clean it out as much as possible before you go to sleep.
Since you said that you worry about your schedule for the next day- make a list of all the things you need to do the next day. Get it all laid out and organized. You will feel more 'together' and relaxed about the day ahead.
Any other things that are on your mind, write them down and ask yourself 'why am I afraid of this? What am I worried will happen?' Get to the root of the problem. Then think about possible solutions. "what would make me feel better about this situation?"
If there's something you can do to ease your thoughts, then do it. If you find that it's a trivial thing that you are worrying about needlessly or there's nothing you can do about it, then drop it.
You can also try taling to your parents to ease some of your concerns.
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i really love to watch cheerleaders and people do back hand springs and cartwheels and all the flippy spinny stuff =] i just wish i could do that. is there some things i could do to teach myself at home? like how i can make myself more flexable and stuff. so that i can do that. please give me specific things.
thanks =] (link)
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I used to be a gymnast. I'll tell you what I can.
First, see if you can take any gymnastics or tumbling classes. If you parents don't want to pay for it, the YMCA often has tumbling classes, and they are either free or cheap.
Call your local YMCA and ask them.
Flexibility takes some time and practice. Start little by little. DOn't push yourself. You will get more and more flexible over time.
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So i know of the basic ones and then some that other probably dont know about. But everytime I have sex with my girlfriend we never use a condom just becasue we get caught up, i'm pretty good at making sure i dont cum in her but i am thinking about so form of protection because it doesnt feel as well with condoms.
so i was thinking about that surgery guys can have that cuts the tubes that deliver sperm to and through the penis, i know when you want to you can heve them fixed to have children and stuff.
i was wondering, do guys still cum with that surgery, afterwards how long should you wait to have sex, does it feel just as good, whats it called, whats the price range, and anyting else you know about it, even a website link would help. (link)
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First of all, being 'pretty good' at making sure you don't cum in her, isn't going to cut it!
And even if you pulled out every time a woman can easily get pregnant even when a man pulls out. How old are you? I'm shocked that you don't know this!
And saying that you just 'get caught up' or it 'doesn't feel well' with condoms is a load of self-centered, irresponsible nonsense. (And not just on your part, irresponsibe on her part too).
A vasectomy is a serious procedure and is not always reversible. I think you need to just suck it up, do the responsible thing and put on a condom. That's your best bet to protect against an unwanted pregnancy and the risk of std's. It may slightly diminish the feeling that you get, but would you rather the alternative? Come on, grow up and do the right thing.
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i've been dating this guy, let's call him delicino (his last name), and we've been on and off for 3 years. we were together for 2 years then we decidd to end up, but have gotten back together 2 times afte rthat and one of those times are right now. it's a secretive relationship and he's my brother's best friend and my best friends brother. my best friend knows about it and we're pretty sure my brother knows too. We only see each other when he stays the night over here and when i'm over at his house. everytime he's over though and we're left alone, he always trys to get me to take off my clothes or something along the lines of that and i tell him no every single time, but he still trys again and the next time he's over. it gets so annoying to me and he's over at my house now and i'm 100% sure he'll try it again. i want to break the relationship off, but im not sure if i want to. it's hard giving him up for the fact that when ever i see him, it brings back memories and me being the person i am gets back together with him. i've told myself not to and that the last time we were together was the last time, but i'm back with him again. i'm confused. i din't know if i should stay with him or not. i have on and off feelings for him too. (link)
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First off, why is this a 'secretive' relationship? Is he seeing someone else? Your parents won't approve? What?
Second, the guy doesn't respect your wishes and continuously tries to push you sexually to do something that you don't want to do. So why do you want to be with him? I see that you have a history, but there are plenty of other guys out there. Don't think that you have to stay with him just because there's a history there.
You didn't state your age, but I can guess that you are pretty young. Listen, take it from someone who's older- do not get yourself in the habit of being with guys who don't respect you 100% and treat you like you deserve to be treated. Start now, while you are young, chosing the right kind of guys to be with- and you will save yourself a lot of trouble and a lot of heartache in the long run.
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How can I keep my cool when dealing with a rude coworker? (link)
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Sometimes it's tough.
But the thing that helps me 'keep my cool' sometimes is remembering that I am not perfect either. I'm sure there have been times when someone has found me rude or annoying and I may not have even realized it. When you look at it that way, it helps you to be a little more tolerant of others.
If that doesn't work and the rudeness persists, then instead of getting angry, I just feel sorry for them, and thank my lucky stars that I was taught manners. :-)
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17/female
i have this "best friend" who we have hooked up with being "friends with benifits" on and off for the past 6 months.
once it's started does "fwb" last forever after that?
i would really just rather be his really good friend that we know everything about eachother but it just seems like every now and then he just wants his booty call, and of course he gets it.
what is the best way through all of this without losing him as my best friend? (link)
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You have every right to change your mind. You should never have to feel like you have to do something that you don't really want to do.
So just be honest and tell him that you'd rather continue just as friends. And if he is your friend he will understand.
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Hello, My name is Picket and my question to you all is..
Well ill let you guys know about the story first..
On mothers day morning my father was in an accident.. he was driving home on the highway and fell asleep.. he had smashed his chest on the steering wheel and killed hmself.. m family has been grieving about this for 3 years now and i cant take it anymore the pain that goes through me everyday is scary i feel numb and i feel like im in a bad bad bad bad dream.. andto make things worse my sister is a druggie now and had moved out of our house, she is all i have close to my father and i need her more then anything rght now and she wont come home.. what if she OD's and im the only one left really.. except for my mom. What sould i do to stop feeling this way and to he;p her stop?! (link)
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You are dealing with a lot right now. I think you really should look into getting some counseling. If you are in school, you can start there, by asking the school counselor for some guidance on dealing with the loss of your father.
The situation with your sister is a bit tougher because you can't make someone get help for an addiction. You can try guiding and supporting her and telling her how much you need her, but she has to be willing and ready to make the change.
Meanwhile, try to take as best care of YOURSELF as you can. Don't let all of this overtake you. You still have to life and enjoy your life as well. I know that's hard, I can tell that you are in pain. Please get some counseling and hang in there. Things won't always be this hard.
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I want to have a sort of smallish sweet 16. With like 15 girls, and 15 guys.
Not big, because I don't think my family would wanna spend too much money
What is something fun that we could all do? Any ideas would be great
My parents are willing to spend $5,000-$10,000 if they have to. (link)
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You are now on your way to becoming an adult, you can show your maturity and display your character by doing something meaningful. Use this as an opportunity to do some good for others. Ask your guests to bring old clothing to donate to goodwill. Or cans of food to give to the food bank. Something like this will impact many mores lives than your own and encourage others to start thinking of ways that they can impact society as well.
If your parents are willing to spend 5-10 grand on your party, then I'm guessing you probably have what you need. But many people your age do not. They go to school hungry or with worn out clothes that don't fit, and have to be embarrassed.
As Oprah says, when you give you think you are giving to them, but you actually receive much more. Giving truly is better than receiving.
I believe that this is the BEST gift that you can give to yourself. And it will make it a sweet 16 to remember for all who come.
Happy birthday.
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