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Life is an adventure but Life doesn't come with user manuals for everything. School subjects do little to prepare us. Its no wonder we all need helpful advice sometimes. Blessings to you!

advice

what are symptoms of ink poisoning

Here's the link on line to answer your question.
https://www.healthline.com/health/ink-poisoning

So unless you have swallowed the amount of ink in a bottle or a stamp pad, you are fine. If this was based on a dare, I suggest you stop hanging out with people who would dare you to do something that could seriously hurt you or kill you.

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My husband and I been together almost 2 years and we have a son that’s 3 months old. I’m 30 years old. I had a few issues that bother me about my husband’s behavior and just need someone to talk to about it. I wanted to address each individually.
1. He told me I was neglecting my son when he had him on the changing table while I was in bed. He went out of the room to get diapers. The baby started crying hysterically-he had his shots the day before so he’s a little more cranky. I didn’t get up to comfort him so I was told I was neglecting my son and that it was not okay. I understand to some point but I work from home and watch my son all day while he’s at work for 12 hours. I’ve been on my toes all day. Even my breaks I’m taking care of my baby or making dinner or getting a 10 minute shower or washing laundry. When he was in his newborn stage I was mostly the sole one to take care of him 24/7 and there were times then he did the exact same thing. I was thinking at one point he didn’t even care for his baby because he would come home and not acknowledge him at all. Then when he has had some more time with him recently, his crying means more to him and bothers him. I feel like he could put a wedge between me and my son with behavior like that. I’m not a bad parent at all and I love him more than my own life. Comments like that put me down and I don’t want that in front of my son because he wouldn’t know any better if this were to persist.

2. Sometimes I want sex more than my husband does or he’s not passionate about me. I wonder why he married me. He made a comment that his body shouldn’t be used for sex and to get a dildo -what am I married for then? Also aren’t men suppose to want sex more? He makes me feel like a ugly woman that he wouldn’t want to touch sometimes. When we were dating he had a high sex drive and even called up trans to sex chat plus watched porn behind my back. Now he claims he doesn’t watch porn but the trans still worry me. I was pregnant when I found that out. I’ve never talked to anyone besides my mom about this. I also found that he explored trans porn between watching heterosexual porn. I don’t know if that’s why he doesn’t have that passion for me or if I just don’t look good enough. He tells me I’m more than enough to satisfy him. He says that he doesn’t watch porn anymore either. That doubt is still there. I didn’t think what I was saying was unreasonable.

What he says to you, putting you down, maybe even yelling sometimes is stuff that kids watch and imitate. I had a previous marriage that was nothing but verbal abuse. Had 3 girls. They didn't pick up the behavior but middle daughter is now so scared of men with 'booming voices' as she puts it. And won't marry cus she wants to be the one in control so she never has to suffer the same. I of course left him when the girls were graduated but you are right that what a child sees and hears can damage them in psychological ways. My oldest marred a good man but since he was nothing like her Dad, she divorced him and found what she was used to. Only this guy is way worse than my ex.
So verbal abuse is the first issue.

Secondly, I learned some things and can share. I had the same situation as you. Never saw his eyes light up with passion for me. I had to initiate sex but most days he turned me down saying he had to work the next day and needed his sleep. The obvious cure of going to bed earlier wasn't working if he didn't want to do it. wWhat I know now after the fact, is that there are two parts to the foundation of a happy successfull marriage, 1. Being each others best friend and 2. being each others sexual equal, meaning you have the same desire for each other, same libido, same likes. Sadly, most marriages end in divorce because there is only one of the two foundation parts that apply. I am telling you this to hopefully shed light on whats going on with hubby for you. So people married to a friend may find there is no good lovemaking between them and no desire from one or both. Yes, there had to be some desire in the beginning but it didn't last. Usually this is a case of NRE, new relationship energy, which is the excitement you felt as a kid when anticipating what your gift would be, and once you got it, it was exciting in the begining but didn't hold your interest for long. NRE is very good at mimicking the feelings of desire for another but that wears off. Now my ex wanted to appear normal, mostly since deep down he felt something was wrong with him, and later on, a psychologist discovered he had mental health issues. So hubby prefers to hid behind having a wife and kids, a house, cars and pets to make him appear normal so no one would come looking any further.
Men focus on sex more than women do, its how they were created. I am sure he does but it may not be as you believe.

You mentioned trans often, which to me is the shortened version of transgender. It could be that he fears he is a female in a male body and wants to fight that, so he married you. I ama just guessing on all this, but he is hiding something. Its not you, its what is going on inside him. If the sex drive was high, and he feels like a female, he may have decided that more exposure to you might 'cure' him in faulty thinking. Because at the same time, you say he was doing the trans to sex chat. Not sure what that site is about and don't want to look it up. Now if he were really into you, you'd know it. Same here with 2nd husband. I was picky and choose well, He's a sweet heart in how he treats me, have sex several times a week and he would go for more but want me to have my sleep. He did look at porn in the beginning and I caught him and with a normal curious voice asked what he was watching so he showed me and said he found a woman whose body looked a lot like mine. So I asked to see her. I had to agree, she did look like me. It was me he wanted all along. Since I knew beyond a doubt I could trust him, I asked if he wanted to take some nudes of me to use for when he was horny but didnt want to wake me. He was eager for that and has pics of me now. So he no longer looks at regular porn, just me as its always been.

The bad thing is there is nothing you can do to change his mind or create a chemistry. Chemistry is a need here and is lacking by what you said, if that's all true. So it simply means that on the sexual part of the equation, you two do not match and it may be more than just chemistry, with you being straight and him falling somewhere on the LGBTQ description. No amount of counseling will fix that, people are born that way. I used to not believe that until I read about farmers of sheep or goats who spent lots of time with their flocks, witnessing some males trying to have sex with other males. Animals don't have the same kind of brains like humans, able to make decisions like this, to choose same sex if using that for one example. So the argument of choice doesn't hold water, you are born that way. So you can't change him. As for the first part, getting talked down to is something a person does sometimes to take attention off themselves, focus it on someone eles and easiest is whom you live with and see every day. They can make up entire stories, tell anyone in the whole world how awful you are. It may not be happening yet, but if the sex was great, and this was the only problem, I would suggest seeing a marriage counselor first to see if the marriage can be helped, or more to the point, if he can be and is willing to be helped. My ex was not. I went first couple sessions with each Dr. we met til we agreed on the one we liked and he was to go on his own to appointments but quit and pretended he was still going, his admission to someone and i overheard. He still insisted nothing was wrong with him. For all we know, that may also be going on for your husband. I don't want you to be married with 3 or more kids, still unhappily with your husband for the next 20 years. I married at 20 so for me, it was months shy of 30 years before I left him. I had to wait 7 years until he was ready to do a divorce, resisting, hoping to hurt or frustrate me in the process but I was doing good, having met the man who would become my second husband. I just wish I had done that sooner. I don't know why it is told to not break up a marriage as it will do damage to the kids. But I now feel thats not true. I have met so many kids from divorced home who as adults now seem to have their head screwed on right. But the kids whose parents fought and perhaps abused them as well, are damaged. I get to hear from some of them on here as they write in. They may not think its that bad but I can see it just in how and what they write. Don't do anything just for your child but for yourself as well. If you wish, see if he will agree to go to counseling. You need time alone with a professional who can hear your side of the story because I don't feel he is a straight man. He may feel he is bi, or trans, or gay and is not sure which it is. So getting him in to a marriage counselor may help him see that he is trying to fit a round peg into a square hole, just to say how fruitless any actions of his will be to make his life better. The sooner he is sure and ready to claim who he really is, then perhaps you both can part as friends which is easier in co-parenting if you choose divorce? Having a hard time deciding? Ask yourself this, How much longer can I stand life with him the way it is, not improved, just as it is now and then ask the same with different times, like can i handle five more years, 10 more, 20 years, til I die? I broke down crying as I imagined the 20 more years of the same and knew right then, I had only been fooling myself, talking myself into hanging on...but for what, no improvement? Hopefully that helps you if you get stuck in your decision making. I hope you not only get some answers as to whats going on inside him but find happiness again, no matter what path you take. In the end, this decision is all yours.

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I don't want to be enrolled so I can buy a motorcycle for transportation and extra income. Is this the right decision?

I don't understand what you are asking. Not enough details such as expecting extra income from owning a motorcyle....I mean like your planning to have people pay to take a photo of it? And enrolled in what? The only part that makes sense is using a motorcycle for transportation and it would save on gas costs for sure. However, it is more dangerous because if you were hit, you'd be a goner.

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How do I get any traction? I get almost no response. I seek first of all to ignite and then to sustain ongoing public discussion online of my project proposal. Know more at: http://www.FoolQuest.com

Where can I get the help and advice that I need? Both Elder Wisdom Circle and SCORE have outright turned me down.

Still not sure what the site does after looking at opening page. All I can say is ask the one name on there, likely the founder, Aaron Agassi if he knows of where you might go for help and advise.

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What are the different types of visas in the UK?

Hopefully this link will answer your question:
https://www.evw.uk/visa-types/

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I am consistently getting faked out online by gay guys posing as females with female pics and profiles. I would guess more than 70 percent of the people who private message me are men posing as women to flirt with me.

I am a straight guy and this is noted in all my chat profiles. It sucks more females do not message, but what is up with the dudes faking out other dudes? It is annoying and frustrating.

I totally know lying about yourself online is not limited to gay guys or transgender people faking out straight guys. People of all kinds pose as younger or older than they are, richer and more successful, use fake body stats, and obviously fake pictures. When I was under 18 I pretended to be older to talk to adults. I get it.

For the most part it is just a mind game I have gotten used to like everyone else. At first I just gave people the benefit of the doubt until I know better. What I don’t understand though is the appeal of targeting someone who is the opposite orientation.

Do some gay guys just like to fake out straight guys? Is it because I am younger and gay dudes dig younger guys? Is it revenge for past historical homophobia in the world? Is it like an accomplishment? When I was a teenager and convinced an adult female to talk to me that was like winning a prize. Is it just being attracted to a guy even if he is straight and nothing will ever happen? Maybe just a prank for the fun of it to frustrate horny straight guys?

I respect when a gay dude just strikes up a conversation, keeps it real, and says hey I like you even though you are straight and asks if I want to chat. Sometimes I do if we have something in common to talk about. If they get aggressive or talk about gay stuff that freaks me out I just say so. I imagine that is what the women in the chat rooms put up with from guys all the time. I have enjoyed ongoing interaction with some of these guys because they respect me and I respect them.

It is annoying and a time-waster though when you are trying to meet or flirt with a girl. To be honest, I probably spend too much time in chat rooms anyway. I admit I am not confident in person but I find I can be charming in the chat room. It is exciting to earn a private message just by being a polite, friendly, and somewhat funny chatter. In some cases it has led to an ongoing friendship online or off (but nothing romantic).

When girls get to know me first in chat conversation, I have the confidence to share true photos and even though I am just an average clean-cut guy with a few nice features most ladies are very positive, encouraging, and less superficial. They probably appreciate normal G rated pics of a real person. No one has ever trashed me for not being a muscle-bound fitness model. Being called “cute” is just as good as being called a “hunk” if the other person means it, IMHO.

Zoom chats with true females who have gotten to know me and we just click have been truly awesome and a boost to my confidence. I have gotten great advice that way from amazing women. Of course, some contacts have been X rated. Those are rare but fun we that is what they are looking for.

It is sort of demoralizing though to spend time and effort getting to know someone and find out someone has been gaslighting you all along (maybe for weeks). I know I am easy to manipulate (like most guys). That does not make it right.

The situation that triggered me to post this was a zoom with a dude who was a very convincing cross dresser who totally fooled me and knew how to push my buttons. Even with video it took a long time for me to realize I had been tricked again (and only after some really intimate stuff where I did some shirtless truth and dare stuff on camera). No apologies. Just a “thanks for the show buddy.” Grrrr.

I know I am setting myself up spending time in a forum where it is so easy to deceive. I guess I just wonder why this is a thing for some gay or transgender dudes to target us? I don’t mean I am a pathetic victim. I don’t want it to come across that way. A lot of people have much worse problems. I will survive. It is not a life-changing trauma. It is just embarrassment, sexual frustration when being led on, and being annoyed. I guess I just want to understand it.

Please consider some advice other than “get a life” or “switch teams.” LOL

Better late than never, so here I am. I used on line dating sites like 'Plenty of Fish' and "OK Cupid' so if you are using the newer phone apps, I wouldn't know what choices you have. I had the choice to choose I was straight or gay or what. If you have that choice and used it, I can't say why you're having this issue. If you have that choice and have not specified, its best you do.

If you have done all you can do and want to meet someone, you might put your preference for meeting someone close enough to drive to see like an hour away. After that, with traffic unpredictable, who knows how long that would take.
The trick to meeting someone on line, no matter what sex, what gender and all, is being close enough to meet in person after a week of chatting on line. Two good reasons for you, to determine if the person you're chatting with is a female or not, and to see if you feel romantic/sexual chemistry with them. We all can be attracted to a wide range of people when we haven't had anything in a while, or shall I say horny, but I am talking more of whether it feels right or yucky. i tell women if a kiss feels like a romantic kiss from a male relative, its the wrong chemistry. Depending on the man, some might find that too intriguing to work so for you, if kissing the female feels like you've just kissed a man. You'll find what works best for you as a guide. Be specific of age range you're looking for too, and if we are talking age in twenties, you might want to see a driver license to verify her age and not have another problem like an underage female.

I found the internet sites good for step one, working out the obvious undesirables. Step two, after a week of online chatting, meet in person at a neutral public place, she'll feel safer that way. I always went for a coffee shop, where one can find coffee, tea, some cold juice drinks and pastries. And we both pay our own way. There is so much you can learn from someones profile, enough to spark interest in investigating the person further. So if you continue to have problems, you might list it somewhere on your profile if there is a chance. If not, you may want to do this the old-fashioned way (can't believe I am saying that) and use a computer and a dating site on there. If I had your problem, I would list on a list of requirements, 'Live close enough so I can meet in person after a week of chatting if I am intrigued enough to do so.' That way a person knows they can't fool you for long and hopefully won't bother. In a video chat, as you well know, if a guy has feminine features and used face make-up right, he can look like a girl. I believe such a person might do the charade as a way to feel really good about themselves if they can fool a guy. If you find you have more questions about on line dating, let me know and be specific with your descriptions, what exactly you said, they said. What you are looking for, just sex, dating and whether dating monogamously or consecutively or all at once, or whether looking for a long term relationship, married or not. Your preferences should be on a profile where people can read before contacting you. Same as a description on a job position advertised. People don't usually contact an employer if they feel they do not qualify. That's one free tidbit. Theres more if you get stuck. So if you write, to get me directly, go to Search Advice Columnists and scroll til you find Dragonflymagic, open and write to me from my page and only I will get it so you can ask your extra questions.

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I am trying to decide if I should give a chance (dating or sex, or both) to the male intern in our office who has an open crush on me, who I initially turned down when he so nervously but bravely asked me out, but who keeps proving himself such a gentleman and a better catch than I gave him credit for at first.
I think it was the age difference that made me discount him initially, but I feel like he shows more maturity and decency than any of the other guys in the office. I also find I have a growing attraction to him physically even though he has stopped officially pursuing me after I turned him down. He has admitted to others and shown me in many ways he still is crushing but just giving me my space.
Noah is 18 and will be 19 very soon. He is a single straight white male. He just finished his first year of college. I am 24 and the receptionist in our office. I am a single straight white female. He interned here last semester and just continued to show up 20 hours a week as a volunteer even though he is no longer getting academic credit. He has admitted to my supervisor it is 50 percent for the experience and 50 percent to just be around me.
It all started when I was getting anonymous secret admirer gifts on my desk. This would be things like my favorite items from the vending machines (a cranberry energy bar and pink lemonade), my favorite cherry yogurt from the deli, cute cartoon drawings of me, poems, and single tulips (my favorite). He was outed as the secret admirer about 3 weeks in when I walked back from the bathroom to discover him leaving a gift. He was so nervous it was priceless and I was very flattered.
When he asked me out a week later and admitted it was a crush and not game (which I already knew), I wish I would have said I would think about it instead of laughing and turning him down cold. He was in a depressed little funk for a while but when one of the guys gave him a pep talk he snapped out of it and went back to being his peppy adorable self and still leaves me random gifts but not every day. He has not asked me out again.
When I had to move this summer he and some other coworkers volunteered to help me. On moving day everyone had an excuse and bailed on me, except for Noah. He told me not to worry. He got one of my neighbors to help load the heaviest stuff and then one of my new neighbors to help him unload the heaviest stuff. I suspect he paid one of them out of his pocket. I packed and unpacked boxes and he loaded and unloaded everything. It took two days instead of one but he showed up both days in 100 degree heat. The only break he took was when it rained for a few hours. He got drenched securing the truck and ramp in the downpour and just laughed it all off like a day at the beach. He blew me away with his faithfulness and devotion. He was patient. He never complained. He even assembled my new furniture and hung my art. I fueled him with food and water but on the end of the second night he ordered a pizza at his expense and asked if he could just “pretend” it was a date. So we ate pizza in my new apartment for his “pretend” date. It was very sweet.
His heroics moving me were only a part of my change in attitude toward him. I know this is shallow but I might as well be honest. Very quickly with the incredible heat he ended up taking off his tshirt and it never ended up going back on and he did not even bother with one the second day. I always thought of him as a handsome clean-cut boy, but I found Noah has a very manly killer body of skinny muscles he was hiding under his dress shirt and necktie all along. He says he is not an athlete but he does run for exercise and does some program of isometrics. Watching him get all sweaty while he was flexing and moving things was slowly turning me on and I thought about asking him to stay the night. He was self-conscious at first when my neighbor teased him rudely about not having any body hair and made some joke about not going through puberty but I told Noah he looked yummy and smooth was “in” (to which he grinned and blushed). There was some obvious flirting between us over the two days and he lingered each night but I gave him a kiss on the cheek and walked him to his uber both nights.
We had a funny moment when he made a joke and I pretended to be mad and poked him in his bare chest while I was pretending to tell him off and he flexed his pecs. You could tell he was turned on by it and it was awkward. So I played it off and kept jabbing him really hard and telling him flexing his pecs does not make him tough. He kept flexing and took like 6 jabs and then started laughing and backed away from the poking, rubbed the spot, and said he would have a bruise.
So now I am having fantasies about Noah the intern and his flexing pecs and having him carry heavy things for me. I am having fantasies of running in the park with him and getting him all sweaty again or seeing him do something in the rain. I bought him a Dasani water several times now (his favorite) and left it on his worktable. He just smiled at me like I had given him a winning lottery ticket. He is acting normal in the office just his friendly self, still delivering single tulips and other treats, but I am the one admiring him now.
I judged him on his age and took his politeness and shyness as not being manly or mature. I realize now he is just a decent young man. I now listen to him ask questions and watch him learn new things and I realize how smart he really is. He always dresses to impress even when the other guys turn into slobs on casual Fridays. He knows the tasks I hate and does them without asking or telling me (I just discover them done). He does not curse or make crude jokes or talk about others behind their back. And even though he probably wanted me to invite him to spend the night and I was thinking about it, he shows no grudge, did not try anything inappropriate, and seems just as determined as ever to shower me with attention. His vulnerability is extremely sexy – especially mentioning a “pretend” date to let me know he was still into me.
Using him for sex would be very easy but obviously unfair and wrong. I also think my feelings for him are potentially deeper. I know he is just a college undergraduate and we are at different phases in life, but is 6 years really too much? Is it possible? Is it practical? He still lives in a dormitory. Technically he is an adult, but he is a teenager too. On the other hand, he is more mature-acting than most of the older men I know. He will be behind me in terms of career and income at first, but should that be an issue? He seems like a hard worker and he is smart enough he will end up finding something solid. He says he wants to be a CPA someday which shows some ambition. It would sure be nice to actually date a guy who is as thoughtful and selfless as Noah. Part of me also feels like I want to reward him for his perseverance. Maybe a test date? Just to see how it goes? I think everyone in the office is still rooting for him. What do you think? Should I join Team Noah?

Although he sounds like one in a million in how great and mature he is, the first question on my mind is "What are the office rules on dating coworkers?"
Its not often that younger men go after older women but my 2nd husband was like that, at 19 getting hit on by older women when he worked at a restaurant. He had always admired older women. As women get older, they can gain more self confidence and men find that sexy. So you never know, it might just be a one person thing where he liked you first, not that you were older or he may find girls his age to be tiring, too dramatic, shallow, low self image, etc. 5 or 6 years is not a big difference when an adult and older. It is a big deal if you're 15 and want to date a 10 year or 9 year old. Then it is a bad idea. My parents were 9 years apart. I couldn't tell growing up. Noone else could either and wouldn't know it if they didn't reveal it. As a young married person, I saw a gal I knew get married to a guy 9 years older than her. And the couple who owned the first house we rented as a married couple (with my ex) was an age difference of her 6 years older than him and looking at them, you couldn't tell. If an age gap is much bigger, 15 years or so, you can meet people whom you have difficulty connecting with as far as a meeting of the minds. Happened to me after my divorce, befriended a guy who says he was looking for friends and tho younger, his friends tend to be older as that is where he felt happier. He was into older women but didn't tell me and one day what I saw in his eyes told the truth. So we were friends with benefits for a short while. He had no idea what things were that I made references to, from childhood. He was almost my oldest childs age, so a different generation and I didn't understand things he talked about which disappointed him and eventually it ended when he found a gal closer to his age. There is no problem with you being ahead of him. The only thing to look out for, you don't have to now....his buying gifts to show how much he likes you, is one way a guy gets a gal to accept him thinking he is really nice. However he not only proved himself by showing how great attention he paid to what you like, but when it came to something a bit harder, he was there to help you move. Its watching to see him consistently doing the right thing when you can rest assured it is not fake to win you over, but the real thing.
Now he is young and has not had much chance to learn things in life about relationships yet although he's not doing too bad now. I would say the only caution is for you to make a list of what qualities you are looking for in a guy. Then you will meet with the guy in question and give him a chance to prove himself....much like you being your own HR dept, interviewing for the position of Boyfriend. You also should think of the future. At your and his age, people are still just young adults and most bigger changes happen when people reach 30 or older so who an adult is right now may not be the same as they will be in 10, 12 years. I know I have changed lots, even in some very important things like going from introvert to extrovert, changes for the better in spiritual be liefs, changes in my standing on politics, and the list goes on. Those are big things. Is the person he is now, who he will still be in later years. We kinda all take that chance but age plays a big part with the age bracket you're both in right now. Spending time as friends, hanging out, or call it a dating of sorts might be a good idea. See how consistent he still is once he thinks he has won you over. Don't lose yourself and fall for him until you are very sure. Sure, I have had sex with several guys while dating, and recommend it to happen at least a couple times so you get a feel for what kind of lover the guy is. There either is a chemistry or there isn't. And to be sure its not just the excitement of something new, New relationship energy, its best to wait longer enough for the newness of a relationship to wear off so you know what you are left with if planning to stay long term. NRE, new relationship energy, is good at looking like the real thing of being in love with a person, but its more like being in love with the idea of dating rather than the person you date. If he is really what you say he is, then its worth spending the time. Whether you take the 2nd step and become physical is up to you, but I would recommend it as a helpful info. situation besides being enjoyable.

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This question is mainly for the females I guess. So my GF asked me if I fantasized about blow jobs or hand jobs since we are not having sex for moral reasons on her religion which I respect. I admitted yes I fantasize about that stuff but then I saw she was like freaked out about it when I admitted that and I said she did not have to do that if she did not want to do it just because I fantasized about it because I would be okay if that never happened but she got so upset she was not doing anything to help me out with being good and she knows I like her that way and am trying to hide my erections. I tried to make a joke and said I help myself out as needed. She did not think it was funny like she feels like she is not a good girlfriend because I guess other girls say what they do for their guys or whatever which could be lies you know. I think they are just saying things to upset her like she is not being a good girlfriend leaving me all frustrated or whatever because they do not like her religion maybe. Obviously I would like to have sex or a blow job or a hand job or really anything she is in the mood to do but I can also chill and do nothing. I was already a virgin with no experience before we got together. It is not like I did not know she was a good girl when we started dating I totally knew that and like that about her even if I am not the same religion as her. I honestly did not expect much more than holding hands, hugging, and kissing and those things are great. She says I am lying to her to make her feel better which is not true. I admitted I fantasize okay that is like unavoidable but it is also true I can handle it if we just wait on the big stuff. I just don’t want her to cry over it you know. That kills me so bad when she cries about anything. Honestly if someone else was dating her I feel like they could guilt her into doing more but I could not live with it doing something like that to her. She is so sweet. She cannot help it if she is hot also. My dad and I got this boxing heavy bag and boxing gloves and we are doing this workout thing in our garage with it so he can lose weight and not die of blood pressure and he likes boxing and if I do it with him he thinks he will stick with it and it is fun also. These girls told her I was doing it because boys exercise because they are sexually frustrated. I told her that was total crap and does not even help with that in my opinion. I know it is wrong but I want to box the hell out of these girls for making her feel this way. What do I need to do to reassure her that I can wait as long as she wants to wait and not be mad about it? My mom suggested I give her a purety ring which you can get and we both wear one and like we are in it together like not all the pressure on her. What do you think? I need ideas please.

If she is the kind to take things literally, telling her you'd be okay with sex never happening and not adding the part of it being before marriage only might mean she would expect no to little sex after marriage if you guys get that far.
I have witnessed the extreme of no sex or kissing before with a young couple getting married when I was recently married. When it came time to kiss the bride, (she had looked extremely nervous and agitated all along) she fainted before he could get a kiss. She was so scared of just holding hands and kissing that she was not ready to make the big step to sex of any sort. A short while later, it was announced that the marriage was annulled and they never had sex even after marriage. Not saying it will happen to you, just letting you know the possibility of a worst case scenario.
A wise male once told me, Some women give their love and devotion to a guy who doesn't deserve it, who is wrong for her while others no matter how plain and simple the signs are of his love and devotion, they don't see it or trust it because of lack of self confidence. I can see the truth in that. I remember having less self confidence when in my twenties. I waited til marriage too, only to find out there was no sexual chemistry and he had a much lower libido than me, and yet I stayed with him too long, after much verbal abuse on his part. So I do know the one draw back from waiting. I was about 50 when searching for and finding my 2nd husband, but by then I had learned what to look for to know there was sexual chemistry in most cases, without having the sex, and how to determine if it was true attraction or just the excitement of something new, as in New Relationship Energy where it feels strong and real but wears off soon and you are left with not feeling it is right for you long after getting married. It may not so much be what others are telling her, but what she does not know about sex that is scaring her. Where fear is the big motivator, you can never tell if a person is truly desiring you. I like the idea of exchanging promise rings as they were called at my church. However, if she is truly terrified and lacking self confidence, a ring will not help her. Some parents take the sex before marriage thing a bit overboard. Even as adults, their adult child can not be alone with someone of the opposite sex, can not touch in any way like holding hands, giving a hug or loving touch on the shoulders or a kiss. Thats like growing up in a tiny village in the Amazon and never seeing a car, then being presented with one and asked to drive it, knowing nothing about it. If never exposed to one or hearing talk of one, how would a person know to not fear this strange machine? That is how she may be feeling. If she has been told by parents who know too well how hard it was to wait, or they didn't, parents can go overboard trying to protect their child but end up doing more harm than help.
So I think it is best to have a good talk with her, not focusing on asking her to trust you but finding out what she is scared of, and you can mention seeing that on her face, unless you were mistaken. She may not admit anything at which point you would have to start a guessing game asking if its this or that. She may even be thinking she could get pregnant from a kiss, and I have seen my share of those worries on here from those writing in. It saddens me, yes but I can only try to give someone advise which they can use as is, or change a bit or reject, the end result is up to the one asking. So even if just dating, and this sounds like the first one for her and that she has zero experience with males, even just as a girlfriend. Might be good to know what thoughts are tumbling through her mind on the subject. If she sounds like she is willing to try something to gain confidence, only then mention the promise or purity rings for both of you to wear. It should be a symbol of the love you both have for each other which will be shown to each other with love making once you both are married. Having sex is not a way to prove you love someone. Trusting someone really can only happen when the other person is being consistent in what they say and how they act. She is too young to know that like myself once upon a time. I have learned to look for consistency of something good in action and speech from a potential mate. I did this at age 50 to find my 2nd husband. We have been together now 13 years. She has the ability to trust and once feeling secure with trust, the ability to give her love in ways that are appropriate for the meaning you give the rings, or just the concept of waiting before marriage for sex. I don't want to talk you out of marrying her someday, just be careful. Some women never trust a guy at all. Perhaps it is something done to her, a promise broken, or worse, something she witnessed other men doing with or to their wives, or the relationship she witnessed with her parents who may have been best friends but never romantic or lovers, just having sex to procreate and then abandoning the sex. I never saw my Mom initiate a kiss even with Dad. They were best friends but not lovers, though they had sex occasionally. So when the kids started leaving the house, Mom decided to divorce and find another guy. This is common with many dating and married couples, not having both a best friend and a romantic/sex partner. These unions are rocky at best or break up totally at worst. I have both so I know how lucky I am although I put work into it, met plenty of guys who were very nice but didn't meet all of my criteria. I put it like this, I am my own HR dept. meeting potential people for the position of boyfriend. That means it is okay to be critical and ask the tough questions so you can know if a person simply needs training for how things are done in the department and then are great employees that you wish there were more of to hire. Your mate for life is a more permanent and life long commitment, not the same as a job position . SO have a good talk with her, find out what is really her worries and deal with those because if she is currently calling you a liar to make her feel good and that is not a good thing.

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I am a 33 year old year old female and I want to get my first real job but my problem is I don't have any real work experience from more than 10 years ago because I am on disability. My mo mom so I can work part time and keep my check they will just lower until I am sure I want to work not sure if my mom is correct. I have volunteered with my church worked at my cousins thrift store. Could I use my cousin as a reference and my pastor. I have also helped my sister deliver food with door dash and Uber eats ,but I don't think could use my sister as a reference with her being immediate family even though we have 2 different last names.
I've volunteered at nursing homes with my church. I have cleaned my cousins closet and baby sat but all this was from 10 years ago except for the door dash working at my cousins thriftstore . Does it matter with the time length on the jobs I've had.

Yes, you can use the thrift store and pastor as references for past work. Even if its volunteer work, it is the tasks you've done and are good at that count, not whether it was an official job. For example, I was a caregiver for a while and had to get special gwo day training to get started but had to be accepted first in an interview before qualifying for the training. So my only experiences were as a wife and mother, because filing jobs or other clerical were my only experience and would not matter to someone hiring me. Sometimes it is hard to go through the whole process of interviews to get hired when disabled, more so if its mental or emotional disabilities. What I learned from my experience as a caregiver is that disabled people willing to work were assigned a Social worker who worked strictly with getting disabled a job that fits their abilities and could act as a go between and handle problems at work so that whatever a manager needs you to do or change, your Soc. worker can iron out for you. This was the situation for one of my clients who worked part time with a small company that created books, so the running of machines to do the work. I learned that the regular DSHS worker who met regularly every 6 mon. to see if she had improved, worsened or stayed the same in needs, a worker who wanted the caregiver present to say whether a statement was true or not, if asked, is not the same as the person who helps with employment. So you might just try the office in your area that issues food stamps, as that would be the same office you make an appointment for to get hiring help that fits your abilities. DSHS stands for Dept of Social and Health Services. Your concern of length of time at any past job is a concern for non disabled people seeking a job. This is why to have a work advocate on your side, work can be found. If you don't like a job, then after giving it a try, let your counselor know you wish to work elsewhere and they'll keep looking. My client didn't like her first jobs, one which was putting labels on bottles. So as I see it, it either you going this process alone to find a job and get hired or use a social worker who does this for a living, and will help you find a job. If you live in a good size city, there will be plenty of choices you may not know about. If you are out aways, from the nearest town, there may be a lack of many choices for jobs or I can't be certain but a smaller DSHS office might not have such a social worker to work with employment. But it is worth a try first.
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So I've been friends with benefits with this guy for a bout a month now. Everytime we try to make plans to hook up he asks me to try to bring a friend, and if I have any friends that would be up for 3somes. I honestly don't mind him asking here and there, but it's gotten to a point where I feel like he's only interested if my one of my friends join us. I know that we are only using each other to benefit ourselves, but I can't help getting annoyed that I'm not enough in this situation. What should I do?

While there is nothing wrong with threesomes among consenting adults, there is something wrong if a friend consistantly asks for you to bring a friend. The problem might be in what you say to him when he asks. If you are not in the market for an eventual partner becoming long term couple or marriage partner, and friends with benefits is what you really want, just no 3 somes, then saying something about having no friend to ask, or you don't want to or plain old 'No',may not be enough for him. He may as a user be waiting to hear that you do not ever want a threesome. When he asks for you to bring a friend, does he care what gender or does he ask for a female or male friend. Female means he is into thinking of himself first, not your pleasure, wanting two women working on him at once. Asking you if you want to bring another guy for the 3 some so you can have 2 guys working on you means he is considering your feelings and wanting the best for you, something only a good friend or a husband would do. For a friend with benefits, bringing up the subject once is enough. But since he is pestering you with the same question over and over, I also wouldn't recommend this man even for FWB. If you want more out of a relationship, its best to look for a person who has the same ideals as you, even if all you want is friends with benefits. There was a time I was willing to do a FWB with a guy younger than me, because I was looking for the right guy, someone I could be with rest of my life, the love of My life. He was a good person, nice but although we clicked for the sex, I didn't feel the friendship, kinship with him and I wanted both a best friend and sex partner and chemistry for both. When I met my current husband, I found both and we both are very happy with each other. Its been 13 years together.

As to you feeling you are not enough, that is not true. It merely means the two of you are not right for each other as sex partners. It is not a 'friends with benefits' but as I suspect more of an 'acquaintance with benefits'. Someone you know somewhat, have met and are on speaking terms with but are not actually a good friend of or considered a good friend. I don't know if he truly is a great friend so if he is, this just happens to be his sexual fantasy. Plenty of people have sexual fantasies but its finding someone who has the same fantasy that counts. Trying to change a persons likes and preference to reflect your own fantasies means putting pressure on the other person and not taking no for an answer, just steam rolling them into doing whatever it is, whether in sex or in regular daily activities. So what you should do depends on how you feel. You say you don't mind him asking all the time. Ask yourself why? Is it because you want sex even though you don't have a love interest right now and don't want to lose a person you can get sex with. Or perhaps you are too shy or weak and willing to have him ask but not bold enough to establish your boundaries with him. I set boundaries up with my husband right at the start, before even getting married. He was careful to respect them all. Then one boundary I didn't think was necessary to spell out at first, he went over and he was alarmed seeing my tears. After I explained, he was apologetic and never did it again. There is a difference if you have never established boundaries. Guys won't ask if you have any, just go about business as is usual for them. A bad guy will moan and complain and call you picky, I got lots of that cus I made sure to state my boundaries in first meet up. Why date someone only to find out after months that he is not going to cut it, but your feelings got involved and now its painful to part, even though you should. So no matter what, it is better to say something early on. Guys even understood that although I might have sex, checking out if there is chemistry, I was looking for the one guy I could marry or be with rest of my life. So I wasn't making a choice yet and as long as I was still looking, I hadn't met the right guy yet. So they were okay with me not making a commitment right off the bat to be monogamous with them as no one complained if they were decent guys, they understood. So if you want a sex partner more than you want more out of a guy, either keep saying no, or be unhappy and do it anyways. Or find yourself a different FWB or a promising partner, the kind you can see being your mate, a best friend and lover.

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Few month’s back I was scammed by a fake Broker, He took all my life savings that got me depressed. I felt like my World was crumbling, until I met someone online that told me about txmtech.org , Even though I was skeptical at first due to so many fake online Scammers, but I felt comfortable when I was told by a Specialist that I don’t need to pay a dime till after the recovery process and have my funds returned back to me. I finally gave them a trial and luckily, in less than 2 weeks I had 80% of what I lost back into my wallet and the scammers punished. You can give them a trial maybe you will also come out Happy like me

You did not ask a question that I can see. It seems to only be your wanting to warn others.

There are zillions of scams out there, and whether they put you on the hook for a hundred or life savings, you must be careful.
You didn't ask but I will share what I have done regarding solicitors on cell phone. I recorded my message stating that I get way too many ad calls so I will not be answering any number that I have not put a name or agency name with myself. If just a number shows, they won't get answered. If they want a return call if I may be interested, they can leave me a message to find out. If someone is calling to sell you something, they won't bother. If they want to scam you, they might leave a message but usually don't. Scammers are getting real clever and I think some hack into companies or to see what your spending habits are, much as sites you usually watch on line are tracked and you get ads for the stuff you looked up. I think there had to be a mole in Social Security as I had called for a phone interview to start my benefits and had an appointment. Then two days before my phone appointment, before I put my special message on the phone, I got a recording saying it was the IRS and there was a problem with my account that needed to be resolved and for me to press a certain number to be connected to someone who can help. I hung up quickly and recorded my message. Had my scheduled call, the IRS did not generate that scamming phone message but I find it too much to be coincidence that after I call them for an interview, that someone got my name and number from their records, that I was starting the process with a phone interview and sends a recording telling me a falsehood.

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I happen to be the only single person in my office and for some reason all my married coworkers seem way interested in my dating and sex life. They are all asking about my plans all the time and if I mention I have a date they all want to know details before and after. This is the situation with both the guys and the girls in the office. The guys come by my desk in a pack and interrogate me. The ladies chat me up during lunch when I eat in the break room. The girls are more interested in feelings and romantic stuff and the guys are always interested in sex or anything related to sex. Why are all these people in their 30’s and 40’s so interested and gossiping about what I do and who I do it with? It is not like I am hot male model swinger kind of guy. I am just a normal young single guy who tries to look nice and be polite and is actually nervous asking a girl out. I would say 50 percent of my dates are girls I meet in a singles group at my church. It is not likely much will happen on a first or second date if you know what I mean. I am not offended by all the questions. I just think it is weird. Like maybe they cannot date and meet new people so they are re-living their single life through me somehow? I think the ladies at least have sort of a genuine interest in encouraging me to meet the right person. One time with the guys I made up this BS story about a wild weekend of sex with multiple imaginary girls and even after I told them it was just BS to mess with them they were like all jacked up and talking about it. I do get nervous I will get in trouble with the amount of time I am interrupted to talk about my personal business and not getting everything done like we should but it is funny sometimes the supervisors will hear gossip and repeat it back like, “Oh I heard about your weekend.” So that means coworkers are going around talking to supervisors saying crap like, “So did you hear about Jeremy’s big date?” I sort of feel bad when I don’t have a great story to share. I do not share intimate details because I would not want a girl to tell her coworkers super intimate stuff about me even if they do not know me. Is this just dumb and harmless? Is it weird? Is this typical in the workplace? Should I just play along and share limited information?

This is a little over the top since its not a handful but all of the office treating you this way. At the same time, it may be natural for them to ask if they have a sexless marriage, lack of romance and hope to get their jollies just by listening to a single person talk of their dating adventures. I can see how it would be distracting to have people always coming by your desk, interrupting your work. For the sake of your job, even if the supervisor is currently okay with it, best to not give him/her a reason to use against in the future if things go sour. The only reason I can see of everyone being involved in questioning or listening to your stories, if first out of habit, just following along with the others, more out of wanting to be part of the gang, even if they have a good sex life. But my guess is that most people are not with the best choice in a partner whether dating or married or in a long long term relationship. They settle for less in the beginning and begin to regret it later. The choice then becomes, stay, split/divorce, cheat, or try to get a little of your needs met by watching romantic movies, reading romance novels for the ladies, and porn movies or porn novels for the men as these are more graphic and hide nothing about sexual encounters and are thus perfect for men mostly. IF you are enjoying this and want it to continue, then know that nothing about you will ever be private, and be okay with it and the possible lash back of not getting all your work done. Mind you that they aren't getting their work done either while hanging out by you for stories.
You had your fun. Now you have a taste of how bad it can get. Before its totally out of control, if you want it to change, like to not happening at all, you will have to make some changes in what you say. Be honest, fess up. You made up stories to entertain them, but you are not a romance or porn writer so you suggest they get a good romance/porn novel to read for the excitement because you are tired of their asking. Actually you wonder why so many committed couples and married couples are looking for 'spice' outside of the relationship, to get the sense of love, romance and sex. Why? Is it to fill an empty spot in their lives. Thats highly likely as most people marry only a best friend or the best romantic/sexual match, not both as is critical for a healthy happy relationship. Since they bug you for the topics they do, my guess is that most of them lack great intimacy, romance and sex in their relationships. If I were in the office, I would have zero interest in your story because I am happy as far as romance and sex are concerned. If I were in your shoes, I would be tempted to check out a used book store and get one romance novel and one porn novel and put in my desk awaiting the next time a guy or gal asks and pull out the appropriate book and say, I am done with all the questioning. I suggest you read romance novels/porn novels to get your fix from now on and here is one to get you started and pass around the office here when done. Of course, those are just examples. But you can say what you want to say, to ask them to stop and find a different source to use to live vicariously through. Wishing you a resolution to your issue soon.

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I am worried that my fiancé who is super patient now about sex will become unhappy over time if we get married and we do not become intimate more often. He has not said anything but I know he wants sex a lot more than we are having it now. His libido is through the roof. We do a lot of cuddling and he is always hard and ready to go and almost every day asks me if I am in the “mood” to make love. Maybe 1 x week I am and say yes. When we do have sex he is so enthusiastic like it is his birthday and he tries so hard to make it “epic.” It is pretty wonderful, he has what seems like a lot of stamina to me as far as not losing control of himself until the end, and I will just say I don’t have to fake anything. But then not long after we are laying there and he is hard and sometimes asking if I want to “go again.” I think he wants to ask more often but he admitted he sometimes doesn’t because he feels “greedy” asking for more. He does not pressure me at all and asks very politely but when he does ask I am usually thinking “oh no he wants more” and I just want to keep cuddling. He admits he is “hyper horny” around me, that he cannot help it, and he says he does not expect to have sex just because he is in the mood. It is definitely fun knowing he desires me (so that is positive), but sometimes I worry he will lose patience with me and decide I am a tease or something. Sometimes I will have sex with him even when I am not in the mood and it usually ends up being fun anyway and I just feel like he deserves it for being such a good guy. When we don’t have sex sometimes he will take a shower and when I asked he admitted he usually masturbates to “calm down.” I was a little jealous like hey I want to do that for him, but I see how he is trying to deal with it so he does not put pressure on me. But then when he comes to bed he just gets hard again if I cuddle on him. If I lay my head on his chest and roam my hand on his arm or tummy it is like flipping a switch and he is all hard again. He just laughs it off and says he cannot help it and not to worry about it and just enjoy cuddling. Is this normal? Is he going to be okay? Am I just being paranoid? I very much enjoy sex with him and he makes me feel very desired with a lot of affection, but am I going to be able to keep him happy if our sex drives are so different?

He is normal, much like my 2nd husband. Whereas the 1st husband did not ever desire me and he had the low lidido, this one wants it all the time and like in your case, will not expect sex just because he's in the mood. However, to tell the truth, men usually 'feel' in the mood more often than women. I went from getting no attention to a man who is very sexual. He will let me sleep if I am tired, or not wake me for morning sex. The difference is though I am not always in the mood actually needing sex, I always enjoy it fully once we start. The only times I ever say no if sometimes a 2nd time or 3rd time in a row, or I am feeling sick. I love seeing the desire for me in his eyes. we are in our early sixties so he is being somewhat affected in getting hard, it happens much slower and not as hard as when he was younger but regardless, he still has the desires, even when it may be a struggle on some days.
Generally, I feel it best to have couples with close to the same libido as there is almost no chance of being frustrated. There is nothing wrong with you liking just once a week and also nothing wrong with him for wanting several times a day. Everyone is different. A guy wanting a girlfriend who would go dirt biking with him, fishing and hunting, means that not every girl is gonna be a right fit for him. I know I wouldn't be. Its one thing to try something new, having no enthusiasm at first but finding you enjoy that hobby very much. If it was just 'okay' and you are doing his hobbies more for him, same as with sex,then eventually you could get to a point where it irritates you, frustrated you and the two of you drift apart. Lets say, even if he says you don't have to go dirt biking with me, or hunting, the fact will remain that he wants it and wishes he had a woman who was more like him.

So I wonder how long the two of you have been dealing with the libido differences. If a few months, he may eventually tire of it, we can't know. Maybe you will tire of how often he wants it, even if he's not getting it.Perhaps he is very emotionally mature and understands and will always be willing to keep your interests first without feeling frustrated.

Marriage is no different than being engaged in your situation. The sex doesn't magically change once you marry. Whatever you have now is what you'll have when married and for the rest of your lives. If you can't picture wanting sex when you reach your 60s, the problem may not appear until you both are retirement age. Besides sex, its important to consider whether we are each others best friend or not. With all the time spent together, it helps to have someone who is about the same in amount of talk, beliefs, preferences, and then you find doing mundane chores is more fun if the both of you are doing it together. At least, thats what I have found. So maybe you need to be the strong one and ask yourself, can I handle sex more than once a week for the next year? Can I handle it for 5 years? 10 years, the rest of my life til death? I had to ask myself a question of whether I could handle how I was being treated badly in first marriage. When I asked myself if I could handle another ten years of such treatment, I broke down and cried. Thats how I knew I had to leave. I know its not your situation but asking yourself the question might help. I tell you the truth that although I do not feel in the mood each time the husband is in the mood, I willingly go along and do so because I have never been disappointed, I always enjoy myself greatly and I want to give him this because he is such a good man in how he treats me, totally opposite of ex. Most partnerships and marriages today are composed of two people who are best friends but not perfect as lovers, no chemistry for that. The other is people who are lovers and have the greatest sex ever but when not making out, they fight all the time. The former example is people where one feels like a friend, no desire or too little desire and the other wants it very badly but doesn't get it. they are best friends but since one is not getting needs met, sometimes a person is too easily lured into an affair. And sometimes, if both have wrong chemistry but both have high libidos, then each might start cheating.
The other situation, the couple may stay together but other than sex, the relationship is a very unhappy one. One or both may by chance meet someone who is easy to talk to and believes much the same and a person spends social time hanging out with to get the 'best friend' dosage they need but don't have, a person they can confide in who is not sexually attracted, just attracted as a good friend. The best option is someone whom you have sexual chemistry with, and have same libido with and also enjoy and never tires of their sweeties company, having a great close friendship as well. Just because most people do not have that, doesn't mean we should plan on settling for less. It is painful if two have feelings but are not the perfect match. But the pain of not being together now, has great potential to become a pain causing a wish to 'not be together' once older.
I would recommend to the two of you to go together to a couples counseling regarding your situation. Counselors hear this stuff all the time so talking about sex with them is not unusual. It is more unusual that people have no problem talking to them about the subject at all without major embarrassment. I have given you some things to think about. But I would feel best if you both do counseling now! That way, you can know whether to go ahead with marriage or call it off and keep searching for the right one. I know it may sound petty to have so much hinge on one thing but in a love relationship, it needs both people to be on the same page in how they feel about it. Right now, your guy is all smiles, young and thinking theres always the future, so it can get better. No one makes a change by outward influences, so you can't be compelled to have a higher libido by what he says and does, and neither can his libido go away as you well know now, just by choosing to not have sex. You'll always know the want is there and that is a very strong want . . .not like wanting a certain meal or dessert. He may think he can handle it now but as you fear, may change his mind after some time. Counseling could help him be honest with himself and tell how he really feels when he thinks about and imagines having the same once a week for the rest of his life. Remember, its not bad but the difference only is what is a bad sign. Maybe you too can overcome it and find a way that works for you both but doing so on your own isn't as likely to happen. See a couples counselor dear.

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I'm a 20 year old female. Should I tell my parents about what's been going on with my mental health? Trigger warning engaged: I've been noticing that it's gotten bad and it's gotten to the point where I hurt myself, but I'm not cutting or burning my skin. I feel like I should tell my parents. But I don't want to add more to their plates, especially since my mom has a surgery coming up. I kinda don't want to tell my dad cause he's kinda partially to blame because he's kinda a narcissist and I never feel like I'm good enough for him. A part of me doesn't want to tell my parents because they have said that if I show signs of self-harm, they were going to send me to the hospital. What should I do?

I have known a narcissist in my past. I also have had a verbally abusive husband in my past. Knowing these two people, I learned a few things. You can not share whats going on for you because neither knows how to care about anyone else or more to the point, how to love another person whether a wife, a friend, a child, etc.... Each had their own different reasons causing them to be this way, but I witnessed really terrible tempers on both men. If you are growing up with a parent or sibling like that, you don't have much choice, you are stuck and can't get away. So since you already know about the mental hospital threats, and your dads narcissism, its best not to stir up trouble for yourself. Even if you don't have a mental illness, a counselor is highly important for those who have been the victims. Since you grew up with it, I can't say that some of what triggers you now is or isn't loosely related. But I can say after an abusive marriage, I did need counseling. I had a friend who was a retired counselor so I lucked out getting real help, hearing what I needed to hear like when I was using my coping mechanisms which were no longer needed after my divorce and so on. I know how much it helped me. So even tho your situation isn't the same as mine, I highly recommend you get some counseling. A psychiatrist is one who is licensed to prescribe medications, and that is Not what I am talking about. I am talking about a certain kind of Psychologist trained in CBT, cognitive behavioral therapy who is all about teaching and getting you back to great mental health. If you hurt yourself in any way due to your mental stress, that is a cry for help, its a sign you need to find someone. When a child becomes an adult at 18, the only way they qualify to be on their parents insurance is if they are in college, as students usually don't work, or have enough money to afford insurance. You are an adult and your parents do not have to know everything that is going on with you, just regular life or medical and mental issues. They already raised you and have no say in your life. If you choose to approach them and ask for their opinion in anything, or help, that is you using them as a sounding board. The end decision is still yours. Even if your Mom is not a problem in how she treats you, she was never strong enough to leave and divorce your dad. I have seen the statistics for narcisstic people, they cannot have any relationships, certainly not marriage as it is hard on the other person(s) and it destroys relationships. Most split and divorce. So your Mom may have trouble with lack of self esteem or confidence, which a narcissist is good at eroding on people close to them, like family members or will choose to marry someone they feel is a weak person. My ex thought I was a weak person. I gave him 30 yrs of marriage til the kids were raised before I left him. I realize now I should have left earlier as staying has messed with the minds of my children, things they fear, not so good choices in bf, gf, spouses and so on. So believe me and my children that you ARE affected by how and whom you were raised by. I will give you the site of a Psychologist who taught others in CBT but not all Drs. are trained in that. Look for that, or don't go see anyone who isn't into CBT, because basically, our thoughts are connected much to our emotions so our cognitive abilities (thoughts) will affect our behaviors and that is why people need training based on what they suffer from and excercises to help them get over it. You have to be diligent in doing the steps, whatever they are to get better. I had to do that to get over social anxiety. Now I am so happy to be free of that, it's like I am making up for lost time and you can't shut me up now! LOL. Your Mom doesnt need to know, but not because she is going into surgery, I just remembered that so telling you now. Just as there is no such thing as half way or kinda pregnant, there is no such thing as kind of narcissist. You either are or aren't. There may be differences in each person affected, but since you did mention it, I feel its a bigger deal than you want to admit. But it's nothing that reflects on you dear. The only thing anyone could ever blame you for is not getting help for yourself. It won't be easy. It will take getting insurance, or secretly using parents insurance and making sure Dr.s realize the parents don't know and you don't want them to know and be honest as to why. Even so, there is such a thing as the Hippa law which means your treatment and why you needed it is kept private and not shared with anyone unless you tell them. If this is your situation, get and pay for your own p.o. box and give that address to any medical care place and the mailing address. They will always ask if they should call only you or speak to anyone else on your behalf. If you don't have a job, are low income, you might want to see if you qualify for low cost or free health care. You could go to a DSHS or what ever the equivalent is called in your area, its Department of Social and Health services. That is where people can get food stamps, or help with a bill pay, and appt with someone who can help set in place what you need to get seen by a professional. If not living at home, they may know of programs you can sign up for, support groups,anything that may help you. I hope you are able to get the help you need. Once you are in a good place mentally, if still living at home, its best to be away from Dad, so I mean living separate which is hard in this economy but do-able if you can find roommates and get an apt.
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I'll be honest. I have plenty of friends.The problem is none of my friendships are very deep.Some of them I will get closer to and feel like our friendship is doing great, but then when any of their other friends are around they completely ignore me! But if I start talking to someone else because they are ignoring me, they will start trying to get my attention. What should I do?

It may not be that you are 2nd choice, I'll explain.
Through school, I refused to be the gossipy types or the one who cut classes or other things that make someone popular and seem to have tons of friends. I knew plenty of people but just as acquaintances, fellow class mates and later as an adult, as other church members or neighbors or what ever. I might act friendly towards thess other people but it did not mean we were friends. So I wonder if that is your situation, shallow friendships or not friends but acquaintances only.

Some people may not feel they fit in any social group, I am one of them. I did have friends, but due to shyness, it was them who made the first move. I do remember when switching schools, the popular girls descended upon me the moment there was free time and told me to avoid Tina, that she was a terrible horrible person. I didn't realize yet that Tina was my next door neighbor, as we were in the new house only a couple days. So when I got a change, I made sure to find out for myself what Tina was like. She was nothing they said. However we didn't have anything in common and there was no friendship chemistry so I never became friends with her but a gal 5 houses up the alley from me. I am not one to believe what anyone says, even about celebrities. I have to here it from the horses mouth so to speak. I have to
learn from the actual person what they have to say, believe, how they act, personality and so on. I have found that to be the fairest choice to take because I would not like to be the one that someone made up awful stories about simply cus a person thought that would be fun, or because they were vindictive or plain just mean and always stirring up trouble or drama. I have a family member that happened to, and the hurt of people believing it, is with her today. I actually have had some similar things happen to me, but with actual family members, not the one I mentioned and yes it hurt but I took the higher road, waited for them to come around from two different grievances in two different situations of made up grievances, nothing that was real, just made up stories so good that it fooled others outside the family too and when I divorced the ex for abuse, he told a bunch of made up lies to any of our acquaintances
some who believed him but my actual close friend told me what he was saying and doing in case it came back to me and to this day, believes he is a pitiful excuse for a human. True friends are not the ones who hang out with you but disappear when you actually need help. Lets say you need comforting, to borrow a few bucks to pay a bill, a ride to the airport at an ungodly early am or extremely late pm time, etc. and the friend can not be found. Mostly young people, kids teens and college age can act like superficial friends but most people grow up as adults and begin to pick and choose friends that reflect the same temperament, beliefs and hobbies, never thinking what can I get out of her/him or even what can I do for her/him more out of pity for the person. Friends become friends because of things they have in common. Yet even having things in common doesn't make you want some people as automatic friends cus if that were the case, you'd be close friends with everyone who had the same hobbies and interests. It works the same in marriage. There has to be a friendship chemistry in one and the romantic/sexual chemistry in the other. So reality is that you can't be close friends with everyone, same as you can't be married to everyone you've ever met.
Focus on yourself. Are you happy with yourself as is, or is there room for improvement. Are you shy, have social anxiety, maybe selfish, pushy, lack self confidence, etc... If you have no clue, ask your parents. They raised you and know you better than anyone, including your talents and what is lacking. Yet they still love you. So if you want the truth cus you want to work on yourself, ask. I have learned much from reading books, watching things on line whether it was how to be good at relating with people in conversation, or learning to come out of my shell, how to be self confident.
Be happy with yourself first and it won't bother you to not have someone like you or invite you as a last choice. That happened often to me as a kid and teen. The problem I know now is that my social fears and anxieties made me not look fun as a person so few wanted to meet and befriend me. I didn't work on that until I was about to graduate HS and realized I couldn't navigate the adult world with the anxiety that held me back. Then I worked on self confidence about the time when I had kids.
Now if your specific problem is a friend ghosting you so you turn to someone else and the ghosting friend gets jealous and wants to know why you are paying attention they usually get from you, to someone else, I can tell you, this is a common situation with younger people. It happened to me in 6th grade. My closest friend lived up the alley from me and we spent all our weekends together and often after homework during the week. However, she tended to have problems with being very moody. Once upon a time, she got into one of these moods, and didn't come out of it as soon as usual. I would give her time and be ready to continue on once she was ready. However this one time, she didn't come out of it soon. She had no reason to be angry, it was whatever she was dealing with, some imbalance that caused her to be this way often. So I gave her space but got tired of waiting when she didn't just come back but continued to avoid me and ghost me. So I turned to a gal in my class I was casual friends with, and began to spend lots of time getting to know her and I liked her well enough to be a friend but I couldn't ever be really close with her. The moody friend got jealous and left a note on my desk asking what I thought I was doing spending time with Becky. So I tried talking to her again and it was difficult because she was still in her moody phase. I told her she would always be my best friend and I was giving her space to get over whatever it was and would be waiting for her once she was ready to pick up our friendship again. I was not replacing her but spending time with Becky so I wouldn't be so bored or lonely. That satisfied her and within a short while, she was back to her self and spending time with me. If we are talking teens instead, could be there is a misunderstanding in the persons mind, or thinking you did or said something that hurt them when the event never happened or was quite different from the event they remember and then a teen can choose to ghost you or be vindictive and try to make life hell for you. Little kids usually have no idea what they are doing yet. Its worse when its an adult. My ex and I used to run a class for preschool age kids at a church program for kids. I loved doing it. We usually had a couple great kids and the others were mischevious or trouble makers. I never complained and we were able to handle the class just fine. I am guessing it was about 25 kids. One day I heard two women behind me in church talking to each other about me, thinking they were quiet enough. It was something about having done a terrible thing, and hurting someones feelings. I had no idea what the gossip was about and since no one had approached me, forgot about it until one of our pastors approached me at the food bank/church offices building the church owned. The pastor told me that the secretary of church was very hurt by something another woman said to her concerning me and her 4 yr old daughter. He never asked me to do anything, but just pray. Well, I went immediately up to her and mentioned what I was told which comes as a surprise to me. (I am telling you this because it on rare occasions is a drama that happens in real life with adults no matter the age) I asked her what she had heard. I was shocked that someone told her that I got upset, cus her daughter was misbehaving and that I locked her in a storage closet of the room. This was totally fictitious. I had 3 kids and could imagine how I would feel if someone told me this about one of my kids, I was so horrified for her that I began to cry with her, hugging her as I said how awful that was to hear and I don't blame her for believing it, I would have too. But the total opposite is true. Her daughter was the most loving, sweetest and well behaved child in my class so I could not imagine how someone came up with that story. She calmed down and peace was restored. The pastor caught me on the way out and thanked me for doing that. I have had family members, on two different occasions make up total lies and stories of something horrible I did or said to them. In each case, I had not done what they said. These people two parents and one sister, on two different times stopped talking to me for 8 months to a year. Yes, it was that bad. In the end, I discovered that they misinterpreted what I said, and the other was not thinking my body language fit the good news they shared, comparing my response, a good one, to more flamboyant ones from mutual people we knew, people who were more flamboyant as a character. I am always careful to not hurt others with what I say and choose words carefully so though it was unlike me, people who did not know me as well, but including some who did (this hurt more) it was believeable because the people sharing their twisted stories with others never ever had done such a thing in their lives, just stable sweet people...so others believed. As I'd done with my school friend, I gave them time to get over being mad. Then tried phone calls, and it took a while, of unanswered calls until each one was ready to pick up the relationship. I didn't mention it nor ask for apology, just glad to have them back in my life. Recently in reminiscing the past with the one sis in question, I asked her if she remembered that. She told me she did not recall it at all, was I sure it happened? I guess it was so trivial to her that it did gain space in her memories. But for me, it was a hard time, when an older woman stepped in and made herself available as a Mom figure I could talk to til my own came back around. People can play nasty games with friendship at any age. You need to become so sure of yourself, high self confidence and esteem and always making an effort to be kind and helpful to others so that when this happens to you, painful as it may be, that you will be able to slug your way through it and be proud of yourself in the end for not letting it depress you greatly or become vindictive or what ever low energy response you might have. Work on yourself so that you know you are a good stable person, and that's how even today if someone snaps at me, or treats me badly in some way, I shrug it off, knowing that I wasn't lacking or a bad person, it was all them and whatever they lack in themselves, unhappiness that they choose to carry around with them, meanness or other immature ways of acting. I hope you can get to such a place eventually too.

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I have created a really messed up situation with my regional sales manager at work. We both did wrong but now I am stuck and not sure how to untangle it all without damaging my future. Even though I resent some things that have happened I am also not interested in causing problems for her or my company if it can be avoided.
I am 28M (Josh) and a field sales representative for past three years. I am still one of the youngest people with a territory my size and my growth and retention numbers are consistently higher than most. I work with buyers for other companies, so building strong personal relationships is important and my buyers seem to love me a lot and I work hard for them.
The person who hired me is a 38F (Vickie) and she is the youngest regional manager in our company and consistently in the top 5 people in that category companywide. She gets major recognition annually at a company event year after year. She is also incredibly sexy, very flirtatious, and wicked smart. She is also born closer.
So the problem is we have been having a sexual affair since the day I interviewed. We are both single but it is obviously totally unprofessional. For three years now we spend 48 hours in a hotel room twice a month when she visits my territory. We spend 30 minutes going over my sales numbers and projections. We maybe do 6 hours of calls on major clients. The rest of the time it is relentless sex with her in charge. No romance. Just a sex marathon.
I could try and blame her and say she seduced me or whatever but I have always been a more than eager participant so I am just as much at fault. To be honest I found it exciting and I am gym rat when not working at least partly to keep her happy with me. For whatever reason I crave her feedback on my sexual performance just as much as my job performance (which is a running joke between us).
I think I would have been hired anyway but it did not hurt she was into me and I consented to her advances. Even if I had someone else as my manager or we never had a side relationship, I feel I have proven myself on my merits with my growth and retention numbers. The one thing you could call favoritism was when a senior field representative leaves because we are in a hiring freeze my boss gets to re-assign the book of existing business to existing rep’s and I have gotten far more than my fair share of this business. It is easy money as long you take care of those existing clients. I estimate this favoritism has increased my income about 25 percent. As far as the company is concerned though, I make them a lot of money taking care of those buyers, making them happy, and doing my job well.
Here is the dilemma. I have met someone else more my age (Julia) I genuinely like at my gym. She is wonderful, we have so much in common, she is a far better person than I am but makes me want to be better. We have only had one official date but I want to get more serious. There is a lot of sexual tension even just flirting at the gym but she has been very clear she is not easy and is not going to be a “victim” of my charm,” which makes me respect her more. All the normal things I do to impress a girl she sees through and laughs at but does not seem to hold my obvious fails against me. My feelings about her are really growing. Obviously, there is no way I can get serious about Julia if I am having an ongoing sexual affair with Vickie.
I had a direct conversation with my boss, however, and she said there was no reason to stop our sexual activities and when I said I was not “comfortable” with it anymore she was very aggressive and threatened to reassign the clients. I gave in to the normal weekend of sex. If anything, she was more demanding than ever. Being blackmailed took the joy out of it, but I felt desperate to keep her happy at least for now. For the first time though I felt like the shameless man-whore I realize I have been the whole time.
If I complain and go over her head, I would be in just as much trouble. It would also be a lie to say it was anything but consensual until this last time. Plus she is a star inside our company and I am just like a baby star at best. She is more valuable to the company for PR purposes (as a female leader) and because she honestly is extremely good at her job. I am far more replaceable no matter how well I have done so far. She has allies who would help her crush me. If I quit and just walk away, I lose an incredible income which I cannot believe I am earning at my age and I am proud of what I have done in my territory. I am debt free and no one dependent on me so if I had to start over I would not be in crisis. It just sucks. Even if I had not met someone, this sexual relationship with my boss could not go on forever.
If I do get myself out of this situation, how much should I share about all this with my new person (assuming she is willing to pursue a more serious relationship than our one date)? I am also worried I may be less impressive with my current income level. I am not saying she is all about money and in fact she probably is not but I guess a lot of my ego is tied to my income at this point. I am not saying I cannot rebuild and do well at something else it is just discouraging to think about it.
Thank you for your help. Josh.

And here's a third response to your situation. I am with Jenny and I also would recommend starting to apply for new jobs as quickly but secretly as possible. Then you leave once you get a decent offer. What you already shared about your work ethics, hard working, getting the sales, etc. and that is hard to find. Also, many people decided to start their own business or work from home once the pandemic pushed people to survive by adapting in different ways. That caused businesses to lay off workers who found better jobs elsewhere. Businesses are thrilled with people in your age bracket who work like that. They can have a great worker for lots longer due to your age rather than hiring older people who may have the work ethics and experience but are closer to retirement.

So it would be a good time for you to find a good company and you may be able to deal with them. I understand the higher pay you may have but facts sound like she favored you and gave extra clients to you, knowing you could handle and impress the clients. You can say you are great but words dont sway HR as much as seeing actual performance. So you may be able to bargain saying you will work at their pay rate offered, but want a review 6 months after you have worked there so they can review giving you a higher pay due to the actual work you have done. If they don't, work there til you find someone who sees your potential and appreciates it enough to pay you well for it. I know when being interviewed you are asked to provide last employer and why you left. Having to say you were fired is not good and that is why it is best you get some job interviews before she has a chance to do so.
You are waking up to understand what can go wrong if having affairs with a boss. You shouldn't have to lose out on future jobs because of something you had to learn in your past. Besides, sex with the boss has nothing to do with how well you work at your job so it is irrelevant. So if asked why you left or were fired, tell partial truth only. I am for telling the truth but unfortunately, doing so in this situation would kill your chance at another job. You could say you were propositioned for sex by boss many times and every time you did, she got angrier, made threats and you feared having a future working there. All of it true except leaving out that you gave in or took advantage of the invite and had sex. I have had a past female boss who was hardly ever at the small company she started. She began to treat us all more like cattle than her employees and there were many issues that made me resist her demands (no not for sex, I am married female) and it ended with a meeting with me, using phone to have a lawyer talk to us both to see if things could be ironed out. I heard that things were seeming to be in her favor so once I quit, no new job yet however the manager there had hated the work situation too and found a new job that still needed to hire an office person and mentioned me. If I had to do it over, I would find another job first Before quitting old one and that is what I suggest for you.

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Im really having a tough time deciding its tearing me apart literally my brain it’s fighting with itself on this decision i loved my Subaru but it also brings back alot of dark memories so im not sure what to do i could buy back the car that i love or start looking for something different im really stuck on this and before i buy a car i want some guidance

When I read that you want to buy back a car you love, my first question is, "why did you sell it in the first place?" You don't have to answer me, but ask yourself. If you sold it cus it was getting older and would soon need all parts replaced, or you're in the middle of replacing piece by piece, or you have some other debt you wanted to clear by the profits of the sale, then don't buy it back. Buying back your car because there is an emotional attachment might sound good but in the long run, its not financially a good decision. Lets put the emotion stuff in a different light. People get attached to their pets, they become like family, yet they don't live as long as people so they will die long before we do yet we get pets anyways and enjoy them as long as we can. Like our pets, we outlive our vehicles life and we name our vehicles just as we name our pets. Our cars are something we see all the time and use pretty much every day, so I can see the attachment. However it falls into the category of a 'tool' we use to make life easier on us, and our pets are not tools. The exception is the guide dogs which are a tool and becomes a pet as well.

I am trying to say, that you will own different cars along the years of your life. Can you see holding on to all of them just because you loved all of them, even if none of them are still running? It is best to find a car that runs well, isn't too expensive or hard to get to parts to fix as that adds cost with mechanics, and maybe even the cost of tabs on different vehicles, the gas mileage and cost for fill ups, and so on. Consumer Reports is a good place to find out which products are terrific and which are lemons.

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Hello! I am 14 (f) and my little sister is 12. Recently i walked into her room and saw her abruptly do something on her phone and when I asked why she was acting weird she said she was just watching a t.v show. I did a little snooping and found that she was searching "hard wattpad smut" on tiktok. It's very damaging to see that stuff at such a young age (even at my age) i want to talk to her about it but i don't know where to begin or if talking to her is even a good idea at all. I don't want to tell my parents as i feel it would harm her trust in me/they would handle it insensitively. Also she knows that im am bisexual and she has kept that secret from my parents so i feel that if i tell on her she will spill my true sexuality. what should i do?? Please help!

She lied about what she was watching, so she can also lie about no longer using sites like that. I was a teen once. I know how easy it is to lie when scared because something I said or did was brought out into the open. She lied because her conscience was telling her she was doing something she shouldn't.
I am surprised that parental controls have not been used on her phone, they should be. That way, next time she tries to get on to sites that are not appropriate for age, she won't be able to connect.
I don't know how that all works, just that it exists. Cell phones were just coming out as my kids went through HS. And we only brought just for ourselves so we never had to think about cells and blocking sites. Here is one site that is supposed to explain how to use parental controls:
https://support.apple.com/en-us/HT201304

I feel this would be the best solution to this tricky situation.

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I am an openly gay 21m and I am very lucky to go to a school where there is a lot of acceptance and encouragement and I feel surrounded by allies. I am surprised especially how some of the notorious jocks and aggressively straight guys handled it. I think it says something about attitudes in my generation.

Almost all my guy friends are straight and they deal with the awkward moments mostly with humor and have a running rant about which of them I am most attracted to which is actually funny and I play along like I am trying to make up my mind and they all act competitive about it.

They also push me to initiate things with guys I admit to liking just like they do with each other and girls they like. It is weird, funny, and awesome at the same time.

My post is about a guy I am actually curious about. I have never been able to hide my noticing and checking other guys out when I am interested and I get busted on it a lot. So we were at the cafeteria in the student union and some newer students were roaming. One of the guys (who I later ID'ed as Tanner 18m) was wearing a solid green tank with low arm holes and his cute shoulder and arm muscles were so sexy and you could see his ribs and the tops of his pecs really well and he had a really fun haircut was just being a natural hottie without even trying to act that way.

My friends totally noticed my visual lock on him and started inviting Tanner and his friends over and outing me for having the hots for him. He and I both blushed like crazy and he was like “really?” and I just nodded and said “yeah” and he was like “thank you for the compliment.” Total class move on his part. Two of the girls in his crew started tugging on him and pulling him away like they were saving him from me and they wandered off.

I love my friends but I wanted to pound them. Even when they are annoying, I am grateful for my friends and they just accept me and are chill with me being myself.

So besides some fantasies later that night, I forgot about Tanner. And then about 1AM, I get a text from him. How he got my number is an interesting story but not important. When I realized who it was I was like so excited but confused. He insisted he was straight but said he wanted to talk to let me know how nice it was to be noticed that way and wondered did he handle it okay and could we be friends.

I convinced him to face time and we had the weirdest conversation where at my request he ended up shirtless and flexing for me and I told him every pervy thing I wanted to do with or to him and he was like getting his mind blown by my lust for him. He is a track and field athlete and is a pole vaulter (lots of jokes about his pole). But for all the sexy talk he was not interested in acting on anything. He asked if we could be friends but not do any gay stuff and I agreed (reluctantly).

I asked what this was all about and he said he was turned on by my attention and the things I said about his body and how it made him feel to know I liked him that way and he did not know why because he likes girls but they are cagey and you never know what they are thinking. He said me asking him to take his shirt off for the face time was so direct and honest and a turn on for him.

I cannot tell what is going on in Tanner’s cute little head. Is he gay or bi and just not ready to admit it? Is he straight like he says but just desperate for feedback about his hotness? Do I start with a friendship and test him with some in person flirting? Maybe he just wants to be seduced? Maybe he is the devil trying to drive me insane?

I know my friends will give me holy hell if he ends up in our circle or I end up is his. It would probably be worth it if Tanner keeps taking his shirt off when I ask.

I asked what his friends would think. He said as a joke I might get my eyes clawed out by the two girls he was with but he did not care what other people think because he knows he is straight and does not care and thinks it would be “fun” to have a gay friend.

Does anyone else think this is weird? If he is playing a mind game he comes across so sincere. And I keep telling myself, who cares as long he keeps taking his shirt off when we face time. I know I said that before, but it really was amazing and he was so cocky with it.

So any advice on dealing with my ridiculously hot new straight friend David?

I know you want a clear answer right now but life doesn't work that way. You already asked, what if he is gay or bit and doesn't realize yet or straight but playing with fire so to speak. I know with being gay that one can know when they are younger, but like around puberty. Being bi is not something that occurs to people to wonder about. And that usually happens after having been sexual and straight or gay for a while but having incidences that stand out too often showing an interest in both. As for bi women, I have met plenty through a bi neighbor I used to have. Many prefer plenty women but only one man, the one they married. How it happens, I don't know but they can only tolerate and love the one man but love lots of women. You can never tell at HS or college age what you may settle on for the rest of your life.

He may find it refreshing to have anyone talk to him as you did. Maybe its a trait he has discovered he likes but doesn't find often in younger Females. The experienced older woman is a more settled person usually, sure of herself, high on self confidence and not afraid to mention or ask for what she wants. These traits are something that with few exceptions are not found in younger women but older ones. So as I see it, he likely is very flattered and yes, feeling cocky because of what you confessed. He can like that trait without having feelings for you though. He just wants to find a female like that. I said there are exceptions but it depends how quickly females grow up and are not depressed if all people don't like her, doesn't find her worth in what others think of her, no longer care what someones reaction will be to what she says, and so in all ways, is the opposite of the females in HS or college. I think that one of the only things a person can know and feel about themselves from the beginning, at a very young age is that they are making choices that show they are transgender. This is not a sexual preference. Anything else, including non binary and other situations I have a hard time understanding how they exist, but the rest I believe are valid. So if being a friend and being close would feel like torture knowing he won't ever feel the same, then you may have to think hard about spending time with him or not. If you can handle unrequiited like, love, interest or whatever level you are at, then go for it and hang out with him as friends. Since the straight guys already are playful and tease, I don't see any reason why he wouldn't once he see's how they handle it. If he is simply curious about sex with a male but knows he really like females, there is no reason to not show him. Do not however pin all your hopes that maybe he is not straight but gay or bi. There is such a labeling as 'bi-curious' although I have seen it happen with women, wanting to watch or participate just once because of their curiousity. Even I though I know I am straight, actually spent time with a female who was bi, just once to see what it was like. It was just sex, not being in love with her. So that was easy to handle. For you, if you convince him or he volunteers, the end result may not be what you expect. It is possible for things to go sideways and him avoid you forever. Even hetero couples who split have a hard time being near some one they used to have sex with and will try to avoid due to the uncomfortable feelings that might come up.

So just be yourself, and either he will like to be your friend not not. That should be enough for now. then once you hit mid twenties or older, it is easier to get a reading on what it is you really want sexually. Only then, be concerned about all the nuances of a romantic /sexual relationship and finding it. For now, be content with your sexuallity. If you know you are gay but find only one woman who really appeals to you and she's okay with you being with men, you might actually be bi. But as said, that isn't something to worry about at a time when most people your age have no clear idea what they are or even better, are sure due to experiences they have had, as to what they truly are.

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There is a thing in my friend group right now where the girls are comparing their boyfriend’s size like a dare where everyone is supposed to personally measure it while their guy is having an erection. They have gotten very detailed with the rules on this. I am not even sure what the prize it. Probably nothing. There is no way to know if the person is telling the truth on their own guy. Only two of the boyfriends have cooperated so far. I know this is a stupid peer pressure thing, but I am thinking about asking my boyfriend. We have only been dating 4 weeks but he said he has been crushing on me for years so he might actually be willing to do it if I ask. He admitted he is eager to get physical but is naturally shy (which is why it took him so long to ask me out) and I told him I want to go slow on intimacy. Asking to see his boner so I can measure it is definitely not slow. Do you think he will understand it is a girl dare contest and not read into it that I want to have sex when I still want to wait on that? Should I just make up a number that is impressive or maybe average? Would he get his feelings hurt if he finds out about this later and I never asked to see and measure him? Do boys like getting measured or will he be nervous how he compares? I wonder how many girls are just going to lie. I thought about saying something stupid like my ruler was not long enough so I gave up and just blow it off like a joke. Or just ask him and trust what he tells me on his size? All this talk about how big the boys are down there does have me curious but I also understand that this is immature. He is one year younger than most of the guys but he is just as tall and has definitely gone through puberty. While I am only guessing from seeing him in some wet cotton shorts when he went swimming without a swimsuit, I think he might be decently sized but I have no idea really. I am embarrassed to post this but since it is secret identity just going to do it.

No need to be embarrassed, this is a valid question although not as common a one to be asked.

When contemplating whether it is okay to do a certain thing and then asking someone older hopefully, outside of your friend group, you are doing the right thing, bouncing your idea off a sounding board before doing, just in case you didn't think of something.

So I am happy to be the one you bounce this idea off of. First I have to ask if you have considered how this will affect him? Its easy to have the answer because we will reverse the situation. Let say the guys all want to know what the length of a females vagina is once aroused and he would insert a dildo, mark how far it went in, pull it out and measure and tell the boys.

It is far more likely, that in reverse, a guy would be bragging about his girls boobs. Woman tend to worry if their weight and boobs will be attractive to a guy. So even though a person call tell a lot by looking at a womans top and how she fills it, it is awkward feeling to have a bunch of guys speaking out about and discussing your breasts. I guarantee that being human, the males feel the same way about a bunch of woman discussing and frowning or laughing at his size, its not just awkward but humiliating, embarrassing.
I discovered a site on the net, meant to train people that breast and nipple size and shapes differ greatly (same as penis's) and there is no such thing as a bad or wrong size, just a lot of different ones. The size, the shape and the nipples can all vary, and then how it hangs on a female can differ. That leads to a lot of possible shapes and sizes. Women on this breast site have taken pics of boobs only and told their story, which says her bf loves her almost non existent breasts, her differently sized ones. There are men who love the really big ones that will rest in her lap one day, never to return upwards, men who love their ladys really big nipples and so on. You get the picture. So in the end, all sizes are natural, no fillers or boob jobs, just what the natural sizes are and thats quite a range, more differences even than in penis shapes and sizes according to what I have seen. If your guy is much like you, you can probably tell how he would like this idea. To me, its not important information. Why know the size of other penis's if the one that is for you, is good enough for you. Thats like me knowing how often all men shave, before I consider whom I will marry, based on how often he has to shave? How fast whiskers grow will also vary. How important is that really when what is really important is how the man treats his lady and how she treats him. Telling personal stuff on him, even if he agreed is not going to show you that you have a guy worth being with long term. It is a silly dare by people who may not be able to look down the road to possible consequences to their actions, or importance to anything they do.
Now you also say he's a bf of 4 weeks. I guess you feel that may mean something. 4 weeks is nothing in the end compared to relationships lasting 5 yrs, 10, or a life time. I am glad I married the 2nd time around to man who wouldn't kiss and tell about it. Many people, men especially have been portrayed as good guys when they say they don't kiss and tell, meaning they won't share any details on their genitalia, or hers, or how its like to kiss or how sex is. See, depending on who your partner is, sex is likely to differ some, not in the mechanics of position, in and out, kissing and when o ne kisses, that is all mechanics so everyone has a chance to impress someone. Its when the connection is so perfect, the chemistry is real strong, then what another man did and got no orgasm out of their lady, doesn't affect the perfect chemistry where the same stuff seems to be over the top wonderful. So it really is a useless thing to partake in and teaches you nothing useful as it is a situation in which there are so many variables all the way around that doing what your friends have planned, is totally useless. If you want, just smile and say, "I don't kiss and tell." I hope in the future you also find some friends who are more intellectual but still fun.

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