I'm not here to tell you what to think or do, but to give you as much honest, accurate information as possible. If I don't know an answer to a specific question, I'll research it before replying. I won't sugarcoat things; my job is to tell it like it is.
I've got a particular interest in sexual health and sexuality. I know a lot about fertility and pregnancy - and firsthand now, as I've just had twins. I'm also an accredited sexual health worker.
Gender: Female
Occupation: Counsellor, writer, mother of twins.
Age: 31
Member Since: August 9, 2004
Answers: 1493
Last Update: November 5, 2009
Visitors: 172840
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Ok im 13 and ive never made out wit a guy (ima gurl) and my best friend always does things b4 meh and she just made out wit sum1 and now i feel like a loner. wat do i do (link)
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Sure, she made out with a guy first. Even if you wanted to, there's no way you can 'beat' her in that category.
Here's something to aim for: Why not beat her in not making out with someone until you really care for them and they return the feeling?
Your first kiss should be something you look back at with fond memories, not something that happened because you felt badly about yourself. Give it time, and you'll be glad if you wait for a special person.
And one other thing - when you and your friend are both 90, chances are her memory of her first kiss will be pretty hazy as it would have happened 77 years ago! At least you'll get a few months, if not a couple of years, of extra memories.
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this is gonna be long but i promise iw ill rate u really good. ok here goes: i used to be best friends with this boy but we're not really as close anymore, but we still love eachother and care about eachother and stuff. ok so he went on vacation for a while and his gf started becoming friends w/ this guy, and the guy told me that she did all this stuff with him like lick his neck, french kisshim, lay on his lap and rub his thing w/ her head, etc. well her boyfriend came back and he found out they were hanging out and he was sorta mad cuz well you know, why wouldn't he be? my question is should i tell him? i want to stay out of it cuz i dont want any drama but i luv him and wish he knew. i dont think she'll tell him or break up w/ him soon but i dont know. help. (link)
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Some people would tell you to keep your mouth shut, but I'm not one of those people.
First, I would make sure you're telling him for the right reasons - you should be telling him because you care about him as a friend, not because you secretly want to be with him. I'd also question the guy who told you all this stuff - how well do you know him? Can he be trusted?
Next, you have to know that he might get angry with you. Nobody wants to hear really bad news, and his first reaction of hurt and anger might be directed at you.
If you decide you want to tell him anyway, I would sit him down - alone - and bluntly tell him what you heard. Don't exaggerate anything or add your personal opinion. Just say something like 'I heard that such-and-such happened, and because you're my friend, I thought you should know.'
Be prepared to comfort him or to be yelled at - but stay calm and try to keep it from getting personal. If you help make the house crash down, you can't run away when the dust flies.
Good luck.
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I'm starting a new school as a sophmore on the 16th of this month where I don't know anybody! In my old school I was semi*popular! I want to be very popular in my new school. Do you think that it is possible for the "new kid" to be popular? Anyone have any advice on how I can do that? Or if you look up to someone or know someone popular....can u tell me what makes them popular. Anything would help. Thanks a bunch! Kisses! -*-me-*- (link)
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Look at people who are unpopular. They often appear really uncomfortable with themselves, and this makes people not want to be around them.
I think that truly popular people are surrounded by others because they are genuinely themselves. If you are confident and comfortable with who you are, that shines through.
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ok well i still lvoe eric rite and im with kyle cuz i really liek him n last ntie kyle told me he wants me to wan thim like i want eric.(if thta makes sense) and im soooooooooooooooo in love wit eric it aint funny n i cried! sum1 plz help me ill rate you a million times! plz! help (link)
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Okay, first of all, you shouldn't be with Kyle. It's nice that you like him. Normally, that would be reason enough to date somebody.
But you are obviously having strong feelings for Eric, and it is not fair to yourself or to Kyle to be thinking about Eric when you are dating Kyle. (Phew, now you've got me sounding all mixed up!!)
Kyle knows you don't feel the same way towards him that you do towards Eric. If you really like someone else so much, why are you with Kyle?
I don't know why you are not with Eric - you don't say if you broke up or were never together. But Eric doesn't matter that much here - YOU do. If you are always thinking about someone other than the person you are with, you are with the wrong person. It's as simple as that.
Let Kyle down easily, but be true to yourself. You sound like you know your own heart, you just need to listen to it a little more carefully.
Good luck.
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I need Advise.Me and my boyfriend want to get married in britain but my boyfriend is not an E U citizin as he only has a working holiday visa. what is the first steps we have to take to become married. I am 18 years. my partner is 20 years. (link)
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Okay. I can help you, but I need more details. Mainly, are you an EU citizen? If so, of Britain?
There are a lot of good websites, including the Home Office site for Britain, which will answer most any question about immigration issues in Britain.
I was here on a student visa, lived with my partner for three years, and then ended up getting a Spousal Visa. We hired a lawyer, which you'll probably have to do, and the main thing is to make sure your boyfriend does not overstay his visa.
While his visa is still current, you'll need to file paperwork with the government. If you want this to be for marriage, you need to get married before his visa expires...but this could be seen as him trying to cheat the system. Other visas might be a better option.
Your best bet is to continue dating, possibly in a long distance relationship, and consult a solicitor. For marriage visas, you have to prove a variety of things - the longer your relationship (and, sorry to say, the older you are), the better your chances of getting a speedy visa granted.
This will not only ensure that a marriage visa is granted, but that the marriage actually lasts. You can't have been together long if he is on a working holiday visa - don't let the pressure of living in different countries force you to get married. That's not a good enough reason.
Maybe he could get a student visa? A work visa? Extend his current visa?
Good luck.
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me n my friend sam have this big arguement goin on for months now wen you put a tampon in do you insert it upwards or downwards? plz help me! (link)
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You gently push the tampon towards your lower back - it's not completely upwards, but at a slight angle.
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hey im a 14 year old girl and heres my problem: some times (about three times a month or so) i have to go to the bathroom really bad so i do and when im done i have this burning sensataion and i feel like i need to go again, so when i sit back down on the toilet to try to go again nothing happens. and so it burns down there and i feel like i need to go so i just wait and it goes away in about 20 minutes. i dont know what this is or what i can do ...PLEASE HELP!!! (ps i also havent gotten my period yet...)
~it burns (link)
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It sounds like you have a urinary tract infection, which you'll need to see a doctor about. With medication, it'll clear up and the burning sensation should stop.
After it clears up, it might be worth drinking a glass or so of cranberry juice a day, as this promotes good urinary tract health.
It's a common problem and nothing to be embarassed about, so let your parent know and make an appointment with a doctor.
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ok i've never worn a tampon and i kinda want to but its a little weird knowing that that will be going...there. and what if i put it in wrong? any advice on like what kind to use for the first time? or anything like that... (link)
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Well, you'll want the right sort of tampon for you. For yor first few times, you'll want tampons designed for teenagers, mini-tampons, or light-flow tampons. You'll want a tampon which is plastic with a curved tip - this makes it easier to slide in.
I would try to find the entrance to your vagina with your finger first; it's easier to do it with a finger than with an unfeeling piece of plastic.
You'll push the tampon gently and steadily in, aiming for your lower back. There should be no pain. Make sure you are holding the base of the top part (the part the plunger goes into) - insert this part up to your fingertips, then push the plunger in.
Once the tampon is completely inserted, you won't be able to feel it. If you can tell it's in your vagina, chances are it's not far enough in.
Read the packet, go to some websites for good pictures, and don't be afraid to mess up a few times. Once you master inserting the tampon, don't forget to change it every few hours - you'll probably only want to wear it when your flow is heaviest, as pulling out a dry tampon feels distinctly weird (but not painful).
Good luck.
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I Have very heavy discharge for about 2/3 days... I read in this magazine that u get ur heavest discharge like i ntha middle of your cycle.. like not wen ur on ur period.. is that tru.. or am i gonan get my period soon like in a few days? help meh!! (link)
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Every woman is different; however, most will experience some discharge all month long, with the colour and thickness changing when you ovulate (the middle of your cycle).
The best thing to do is buy a small calender you can keep in a drawer. When you have your period, circle the day. Use the calender to write down things about your body - if your breasts are sore, if you have cramps, what your discharge looks like.
In a few months, you'll have a pretty accurate record of what is normal for your body.
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one night i got really drunk and i was talking to this kid justin (who wasnt drunk) then i feel asleep and i wake up and im naked and hes ontop of me on the bed and hes naked and as soon as he saw me wake up he ran into the other room...i dont no what happened really...i try to ask him and he tells me that he was just touching me he didnt like rape me or nething....but i would no if we had sex right? or if we didnt nething more...i no he put it in my mouth bc i had the taste in my mouth..but i would no rigth? please help meee
PLEASE HELP! (link)
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You have been sexually assaulted, whether vaginal penetration occured or not. Someone's penis was in your mouth without permission. Someone was laying on top of you without your permission. Someone might have forcibly entered your vagina - without your permission.
See the pattern?
Chances are your mother, like myself, would rather try to help you overcome this situation than focus on your drinking - though I hope you understand that irresponsible drinking is never a good choice.
Whether you were drunk or not, you were violated. I think you need to see a doctor and explain the situation - you'll need to be tested for sexually transmitted diseases and possibly pregnancy. I would also think about talking to a counselor - it's important that you have knowledgeable people to process this situation with.
Being sexually violated is similar to being beaten up - you need to check out your body and make sure it's okay, and then you need to talk through any emotional scars which might have been made.
This wasn't your fault, but you are the only one who can take responsibility for getting help.
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hey my mom said whenever i want to become sexually active she would give be birth control pills does that mean she cares or not? (link)
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It means that she is trying to be open with you about sex and your sexual health, in the hopes that you will return the favour.
Parents who want to talk to their kids about sex in a supportive way love their children deeply, but keep in mind they (like us hapless advice columnists) are not experts. Always think deeply about any actions you take, discuss them openly with your partner and your mother (if you are comfortable doing so), and a doctor.
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SORRY IT'S SO LONG, I JUST NEED TO EXPLAIN THE SITUATION
this is for a friend, i promise, not for me
well my friend is 16 years old, and she has DD breast size, she wants a reduction, and her parents full back her, but everwhere she goes, they say she has to be an adult
well lately she's been having back problems, and none of the medication is working, she really wants them reduced, she said that she cries herself to sleep a lot, and she's depressed because the guys only like her for her boobs, and not for her, and she's on medication for that, she had a boyfriend, but he ended up just bein a pervert, and wanting sex
I was wondering, is there anything she can do to make her boobs shrink just a lil bit¿?¿?
she actually wants C's but doesn't know how to get them (link)
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First, a boy doesn't need big boobs to be a pervert. Perverts, like breasts, come in all shapes and sizes.
Secondly, I had a breast reduction. The reason your friend needs to wait until she is an adult is that her breasts are probably not fully developed.
I waited until I WAS fully developed, and my breasts have grown back. Breast reduction surgery is painful and leaves scars; emotionally, it can take a lot of adjusting to a new body.
I'd recommend her wearing minimizing bras - this will support them better (and help with back pain) as well as making her breasts appear smaller. Her best bet is to wait until her late teens/early twenties to have a reduction, and she should only do this once she talks to a few surgeons and women who have already had the operation.
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I got my first period over a year ago, July 2003. I have gotten 4-6 periods when i should have had 12. i go long periods of time without getting a period. Like I got one in December and my next one was in March. I have one like every 3-4 months and what really sux about it is that when i actually do get them its not the same day of the month. My first one was on the 1st but i've gotten them anytime of the month. Im really skinny and some ppl say if u dont have alot of body fat it messes up ur periods.. is that true?
thanx... kt (link)
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Extremely atheletic women, or females who are not eating enough, can experience their periods stopping. I wouldn't worry about this, though.
It sounds like you are just having irregular periods, which is very common and could last the first few years you have your period. You body has to adjust to new hormones and rhythms, and that takes time.
If in a year's time you are still irregular, I would go see your doctor just to double-check everything's okay.
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I had sex 5 days ago, and im still bleeding from it. at first i thought maybe it was just my period, so i treated it as that. my period only lasts for 4 days, so i dont think its that.
Is there something i could have had torn during sex that would cause me to bleed this long? (link)
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You obviously have some concern about why you are bleeding, and I think you are right to be thinking about it. Some spotting or bleeding is commong after losing your virginity (or the first few times you have sex), but extended period-like bleeding is not.
Chances are that, given time, your skin will heal...but chances are still chances. You need to go see a gyno who can double-check your vagina and make sure everything is okay. Once you start having sex, you need to have yearly gyno exams anyway - so start now.
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hey heres my problem...whenever i shave my bikini line i get lots of red bumps every where around the area i shaved, someone told me there ingrown hairs, but what can i do about it? I dont want laser hair removal and i really dont want to go get it waxed. Does anybody have any little tricks they want to share so i dont get these little red bumps? (link)
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Alrighty. Use plenty of shaving cream, always use a brand new razor, don't repeatedly pull the razor over the same patches of skin, and gently pay dry or let the area air dry. Anything which can irritate you is bad - including picking at any spots which arise, scratching the skin, using scented moisturizer, etc.
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hey, im 14 (gunna be 15 in February) and i dont have my period...i know u can get it as late as 16 and not to worry but i have boobs and im pretty developed, could there be anyother reason thats harmful for not getting your period, like having a disease or something? pleas help...ill rate ya good!!! thx (link)
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There are some reasons you might not have your period yet, yes, but they are very specific things which are rare. I think your best bet would be to relax and let your body do its thing, but I also think talking to a doctor might help set your mind at ease.
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I was recently fingered, and i mean, i thought u were supposed to feel something, but i didnt feel anything at all...if this helps i am 15, and he used 2 fingers, lol ok well thats only if it helps lol, so am i supposed to feel anything? i felt a little bit of pain at first but after there just nothing really, is that normal? (link)
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If you are feeling nervous or not that excited, fingering probably won't do a lot for you. Even if you ARE excited, fingering can leave a lot to be desired.
Most females feel much more pleasure from having their clitorus stimulated; the best way to see what feels good to you is to lock your bedroom door and experiment.
Good luck.
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where is the g-spot located? (link)
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G spots are tricky things - you aren't following a map and exploring an unknown town. If the map tells you where to find the bank and you follow it exactly, you'll get there. Every woman is different - some say their G spot has no sensation at all. Therefore, some general tips:
In order to find your G spot, it helps to be sexually excited. During excitement, this spot swells to roughly the size of a quarter. If you insert something into your vagina (something clean, now!) while laying on your back, and press it down, that will press on the stomach-side of your vagina. If it hits the G spot, you'll initially feel like you have to pee. If you keep stimulating the area, in addition to your clitoris if needed, it can lead to powerful orgasms.
If you want to specifically feel your G spot, insert a finger and make a 'come here' motion.
Good luck.
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wen i get really horny i feel like doin stuff with some girlfriends, and im a girl. I know im not lesbian.. but is it ok to feel like this? And if it is.. how do you ask your girlfriend to do stuf with u and what do u gyz do?
thx.. (link)
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Teenagers feel sexually curious about a lot of stuff - people of the same sex, the opposite sex, sex toys, etc. I think it's important to keep an open mind about your sexuality; if you are having sexual feelings towards other girls, you might be a lesbian...but that's not a bad thing.
I'm wondering if you feel like 'doin stuff' with whatever friend happens to be around, or if there is one girl in particular you are attracted to. If it is one girl, then perhaps the feelings you have aren't one-sided. It's worth exploring your feelings and seeing if you are attracted to the person's mind, personality, and body...or if you just want some quick fun.
If it's the first option, then talking to your friend might be helpful; who knows, a relationship could develop. If it's just general sexual yearning, though, I think your best bet is to discover the joys of masturbation.
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I am 17, and I have had my period for about 4 years now. It had been pretty regular for quite awhile, but recently it has been getting very irregular. For Example, I got my period on July 15th, and it only lasted for 3 days which is highly unusal for me. Then today, I got my period again, and its only the 2nd, and it is much more heavy than it usally is.
Is this possibly a sign that there is something wrong with me, and if so, does anyone have any idea of what it is? I was thinking of going to the gynocologist, but my mom said its normal, but I dont think it is, because I know what is normal for me. Also, What should I expect at my first gyno visit? (link)
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I think it's worth checking out with a gyno, if only to set your mind at ease. Gynos are experts - unlike your mom - and can be good to talk to. I would see if any of your friends have one they feel comfortable with; I'd also recommend a female doctor.
Before they examine you, you'll be asked questions about your period (take the date your last period started with you!), your sexual activities, etc.
The exam itself does not hurt, though it helps (physically and emotionally) if you relax as much as possible. The doctor will lubricate her hands or any instruments she uses. Usually, a doctor will take a pap smear, which involves holding your vagina open (it does not hurt, I promise), then swabbing at your cervix. This only takes a few seconds.
She might also put a finger or two inside of you and then press your tummy from the outside, just to check everything is working properly. It's important to ask questions as the exam goes along, or to let your doctor know you're a bit nervous.
Some exams end with a breast examination, some don't. Every doctor is different, and it's important that you find one you feel comfortable with.
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