A quick note: If I answered a question and you have further questions for me, please include a URL link to your original question(s) so that I can be sure of what we're talking about. Questions that reference something we talked about a week ago that I can't quite remember are kinda hard to answer.
Welcome to my column.
I don't apologize for my answers. I speak to the audience, and in doing so I sometimes tell the audience things they don't want to hear or cant handle.
I believe in stands on principle. I believe that doing right for the sake of doing right is a good way to live. I believe in self awareness and encourage it in others. I offer the most unbiased viewpoint I have. And yes, I am only human.
Im going to tell you what I think you need to hear. You are not supposed to take what I say and follow it. You are supposed to take what I say and _think_about_it_
Oh, and feel free to ask me questions, but netspeak, ebonics, terrible grammar, and your teen angst about a crush will be ignored.
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i am so sorry for the length.
hey..ive asked you questions about this situation before, i dont know if you remember, the ones about how i met this guy a year younger than me, at my best friends house, and how he wants me to do sexual favors for him and i said i would but only because i liked him [ive asked many questions about this, im not sure if you can remember] but anyways, here it goes
I am a sophomore, he is a freshman. ever since the last time we saw eachother at our friends' house [he is best friends with my friends brother] he has slowly been asking for sexual things from me, first it started out as if he could hookup with me [we tslk over facebook] then it was if he could feel me up, then it was if i would give him a handjob, [these questions came grsdually] then it was if he could finger me, then it was if he could eat me out, then it was if i would give him a blowjob, [the only thing i said yes to was him fingering me, handjob, hooking up, and feeling me up] but NOW he thinks
were having anal sex. and even regular sex. in the begining i said, i dont know about thatt i dont think thats gonna happen sorry and he would just say ugh grr haha fine. but now, he is completely convinced that we are going to do it. its starting to scare me. alright, you may think im crazy, and maybe i am. but the only reason i have been putting up with his shit is because i want to see him. i dont know why, but i just really want to see him. althougj, he treats me like a hoe and only talks to me so it can help him jack off. but im hoping he'll be his funny self when i see him. anyways, friday night i was over my friends house on her laptop in her kitchen while she was somehwere else. he IMed me and asked me to send a naked pic and i said im at my friends sorry and then he said, wow. oh my god were havin sex just send it. [by the way we arent. he just thinks we are. im just too afraid to tell him no] and then he was just being really cruel to me and demanding. he said, ugh you wouldnt send it even if you werent at your friends house, your just like that. i want it damnit.
and then i started shaking and getting scared because i didnt know what to say and i didnt want him to get angry. then he said, ugh do you want my dick or not, hoe. and i said, yo dont call me a hoe. and yeah i do. and he said, then send a pic lster. so then i just said i dont know josh..and he said, fine im fucking your vag then. and i said, do i have to..? and he said, im gonna fuck your vag now. i dont care ill bring a condom.
..thats so scary. he sounds like he wants to rape me. even at one point in our conversation a few days ago he said something like, "im gonna pin you against the wall and fuck you so hard your gonna cry" i told him that sounds like rape. because it does. i am kind of scared of him in a way..look at this conversation..[i changed the names]
Josh: your my sex slave
me: whatt.
josh:
you mess up in sex ill slap you in the face wit my cock\
me:
what the fuck
are you being serious
josh:
only if you get naughty (:
me:
haha okay
josh:
suck it till i jizz down your throat
me:
youd like that wouldnt you
josh:
you would to
me:
you dont really think of me as your sex slave do you
josh:
no
but im gonna slap you wit my cock
me:
whyyy
josh:
cuz then youll suck it
me:
ill suck it whenver i want
josh:
youll suck it when i tell you to
me:
someones being demanding
josh:
i dont care
yeahh. i cant believe he thinks im his "sex slave" that hurts. and makes me feel like im a nobody and he is using me and getting everything out of it and probobly telling all of his friends and then what am i left with? nothing. whenever i think about the things he says to me, i get this weird stomache feeling, not a good one. and im really scared because yesterday he said to me, im going to their housr tonight. i want your ass go tonight. and i said, should i ask if i can go..and he said, nah its ok. just go march 28. and i said okay, do you not want me to go tonight or something? and he said, i dont care, but im fucking your vag without a condom so..
first of all when did i ever agree to that. but i dont wanna say no because then he wont go to their house on march 28. he even said, i wont be busy if i get to fuck you. I DONT WANT TO! I WONT LET HIM. all i want to do is hookup and give him a handjob. i dont want to have sex with him, never. ever. but i cant tell him that..and then when were at their house, after they all go to sleep, he wanrs to go on the other side of their basement and do it. but i feel like..hes gonna be really mad if i tell him while hes about to do it to me..hes gonna be so pissed. and i dont want him to slap me. i want to see him though..i dont know why. what is wrong with me. im starting to scare myself (link)
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Ok.
I wish you had linked me to your other questions, but purely from this one I can tell you're slightly crazy.
Why haven't you walked away from this.
A 14 year old asks you for sexual favors. You do things with him. You get very alarming messages and hints dropped your way, and you continue to see him.
You need to walk away. He's an idiot, and he's incredibly immature. He's acting this way because you are stupid enough to make him think its a good thing by continuing to do things with him.
Why are you doing this? At a guess, I'd say attention, possibly a thirst for acceptance. You need to walk away from this however you have to. If you have to tell your parents because you can't stop yourself, thats what you need to do.
You're horny and you have a crush on an asshole. Welcome to adult emotions. Now you need to start behaving like an adult and stop yourself even if you want to see him. You can't be a kid and just hope for the best, its not going to turn out well.
If I knew who you were, I would be on the phone with your parents at this very moment filling them in. For the simple reason that if you can't stop you, someone has to. You've already stated the end result. If you continue to see him, he is eventually going to get sick of waiting and take what he wants.
As a last note, if you put yourself in that situation, tear him a new asshole. This guy wants to get his rocks off, he might well hit you if it comes down to attempted rape, but taking a few punches is worth twisting his nutsack around twice and then pulling on it like you're fighting a tug of war. Plus, if you claw his face up and try to rip off his dick, he probably won't be able to get hard enough to do anything.
For bonus points, using your nails to rip into him gets his skin particles under your nails, and a trip to the hospital later you have court admissable evidence.
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First Question: I slept next to this guy and he wanted to have sex. I kept saying no, But he wouldnt get off me and I was still saying no when he ripped my clothes off and penetrated me. But I layed there and Let him do it because I wanted him to leave me alone. A couple times through this I said no, and tried to push him off me, but It didnt work. Is this considered Rape?
Second Question: I havent told anyone about this until now, and it happened a couple months ago, So theres no physical evidence left. But Ever since then Ive felt empty and numb to feelings and intimacy. Should I see a Counselor or therapist because of this? (link)
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Yes, this fits every legal definition of rape.
You should most definitely go see a counselor. Speak to several, try to find one you're comfy with from the start, that makes everything work better.
Don't start criminal proceedings. At this point, it would be a he said-she said situation, and you'd waste your time and slog through the mud for nothing.
But a counselor is a definite yes. There are going to be issues that crop up for you, and addressing them now can make alot of things easier for you in the long run.
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I just ended a 6 and a half month relationship with my girlfriend. I am 18 years old and a freshman is college, she is 21 years old who is not currently in school and has faternal twins the age of two. Obviously there is a good reason why i broke up with her. It has only been a week since we broke up and it is so hard. I love her and she loves me. What do i do? do i listen to society, my family and friends, the brothers of my fraternity? or my heart. do i look at my future or what. My heart is torn between choosing to date a girl i really love or what society tells me to do. She is a package deal which im not too excited for because no 18 year old freshman in college wants 2 kids. Also, she is still married to the other man but very close to getting a divorce. I really need some advice. Do i listen to my heart or society? (link)
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Oh christ.
Listen to me. Listen well.
Your heart isn't saying shit. Those two fleshy appendages in a pouch that looks like a brain when its cold out are what's saying shit.
Society tells you to get out while you can because there is absolutely zero chance that "shes the only one for you"
And because 18 year old guys are subject to powerful emotions they don't have the experience to understand or control.
She's married to another guy, has two kids at 21, and is in divorce. You have no idea the shitstorm of baggage you're bringing on yourself.
She's in over HER head. She's got 2 kids and a divorce at 21. Thats going to be hard to cope with, and guess who is going to be on the burning end of it?
Yep, you. You get to start a relationship out under the added stress of her divorce and needing to support 2 kids.
Then a bonus part. Yeah, you love each other now. She doesn't need diaper money or a bigger house for her kids right this second. Thats going to change, and you WILL be completely re-evaluated based on your value as a father as opposed to your value as a boyfriend.
You're 3 years behind her, you really feel like being 21-23 and working full time to support your new wife? I mean, you can't stay in a years long relationship with her as a boyfriend. Marriage is going to come up quickly if you stay together. You ready to be husband, ready to be "daddy"?
This isn't about "do you listen to your heart or society"?
Its about, do you trust your own judgement that this is a good idea above that of your friends, family, and a fair majority of everyone outside of that?
At 18, theres a good chance you do. This is the downfall of teenagers, and the reason we make you wait until 18 to be an adult. Because we remember being 18, and we remember our stupid decisions, and we remember how right we thought we were at the time.
This situation has a 99.999% chance of being one of those situations you regret ALOT later. What you won't regret is passing this up, meeting a girl you can start a relationship out on equal ground with, and ending up with your own family instead of someone else's.
Oh, and the fact that she dated you for 6 months while still married is a pretty bad sign. I just put two and two together there, and you dated her for 6 months while she was married with two kids.
A married woman had a fling with an 18 year old for 6 months with two young children...
And you think you love this girl, and want to have a family and maybe more kids with her? You want the woman who cheated on her husband with you to marry you? And get bored with, cheat on, and divorce you?
You're ignoring sound advice. I hope this post is a sign that the little voice in the back of your head is telling you that this might just be a terrible idea. If it isnt, pay attention, don't fuck yourself over, and use this to teach yourself where the line is that you don't cross.
You don't get involved with a married woman that has two kids, and then take up with her after her divorce.
At best, you'll be a rebound fling. At worst, the increasingly terrible divorce rulings have you paying child support for kids that aren't yours.
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i can guess what type of answers youll give me but ill hope theres some other scenario's you can think of :P
anyways, in the past 3 days iv been gettin overly horny. im 17 and a guy by the way. Before this, i was a normall nice guy with a load of girl mates (im the only guy in my class .. uurgh, its not that bad i guess lol) but iv got one really close girl mate and it was red nose day last friday ofc! fun day that was but she wore this really "Fitting" top that showed alot when she leant over. i dont normally get massivley sexual thoughts about her, i mean we'v done stuff (just as friends experimenting) but i found it a bit wierd an we stopped, shes really pretty with a cute personality...(just realised this isnt really helping my question) so the day went on and my classes lessons had finished and theres this one girl in the year below me on the same course, She's the only girl in her year on the course shes all alone :( so i told her that i stay through her next free period and talk to her to keep her company and then go to her last lesson with her and do some work and chat some more (i'v really really liked her before quite recently, but i hardly know her to be honest so nothing came of it. my feelings for her are cooled off now i dont think of her every second of the day like i used to) but through that free period it was just me and her in the common room we talked and i was fine, then she got up and i couldnt take my eyes off her ass o_o
i dont like being a perv but i just couldnt help it i was mezmorized hahaha then i got home and beat off like 3 times kus once just wasnt enough
i know its normall for my age but has any one been through this? and did it wear off?
have my hormones finnaly caught up with me? i didnt used to be this bad haha
thanks in advance i promise ill rate every comment (link)
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Definitely the hormones.
Puberty sucked. The rollercoaster was horrible, up one minute down the next. Sometimes, to an embarrassingly literal extent.
The good news is that it levels off. You will eventually settle into a regular "pretty much always there" level of horniness.
As for the girl, maybe you should ask her out. You did stuff and it was wierd as just friends. To me, that says you were both uncomfy, and that you need to take it slower. I mean, you were both apparently interested enough to try...
Oh, and yes you will probably continued to be mesmerized by a nice ass. Just pay attention and don't get caught staring.
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so we all know that for a girl, when she loses her virginity, its painful for the first time. the more you have sex, the pain is supposed to go away and turn into pleasure. ive had sex 14 times and i still dont really enjoy it. i know that as soon as u do it, your not going to get that mind blowing action. no, i just am curious why its not pleasurable. any clue? i feel retarted for asking that. (link)
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Peeps is so wrong its ridiculous.
The figure peeps quoted is about the only true thing about the post. Its true that many women cannot reach orgasm by standard vaginal missionary penetration.
That being said, sex is supposed to feel good. When done right, its very pleasurable. If it isn't, there are a few possibilities.
You or he might just suck at it. Sex is a skill. It takes time and practice to get it right.
You might be a little young. Given this website its a distinct possibility, and younger girls are less physically sensitive when we're talking about teenagers.
You might just not be as sensitive to physical sensation. THIS can truly be a big issue, because it has some pretty varied causes. A lack of arousal due to just about anything can make things less pleasurable for you. You might be naturally less sensitive than others, different people have different capacities for their senses, and some people feel pleasure/pain type sensations much more keenly.
The trade off here is of course something that feels great to a less sensitive person might be too intense for a more sensitive person.
But more than likely, its the same problem most of the world has. You and the guy you are sleeping with are incapable of having an enlightened adult discussion about your sex, and neither of you knows what to do.
14 times is not experienced. You aren't going to get that "mind blowing action" without a decent partner who is committed to you.
The sex I have in my life IS mindblowing. I've been with my girlfriend for 4 years, she knows exactly what I like and I know exactly what she likes. Our sex wasn't great when we started out, it took time, communication, and alot of patience.
As someone who has had a decent amount of truly great sex in his life, I can say with authority that the best sex I've ever had has always been inside relationships.
Heres the trick.
Probably somewhat more than half of all guys are destined to be shitty lovers. They are too self centered, have no perceptions or empathy to figure out whats going on, and simply don't pay enough attention.
Add to that your probable age. 18 or under, I'm guessing. Guys around your age usually aren't mature enough to date girls of equivalent age. In fact, most guys under the age of 20 make generally terrible partners compared to what they're capable of by the mid to late 20s.
So, if half of all the guys you know probably arent and will never be great in bed, and of those who WILL be good most of them still kinda suck because they haven't had enough experience with life, love, and sex to be good partners right now, that limits you alot on who you can look for.
If having great sex is important to you, you shouldn't give up on that. Sexual compatibility is important, this aspect of relationships is downplayed alot because of all the various stigmas and prejudices associated with sex in our culture.
There is something to mention here though.
I used to suck at sex. Definitely sucked terribly at it, didn't know what the hell I was doing, and was more likely to get cries of pain than pleasure half the time because teen boys generally have a tough time with being gentle.
It took several relationships for me to hit the point where I had true confidence in bed. Hundreds of times having sex with the same person. Sex is a growth process, but as with anything involving a partner you can only grow WITH A PARTNER!
Think about dancing. Can you learn to dance alone? Not really. You can learn some ideas of what to do but you have to get out and dance with people.
Now think about how many people you know who DO dance. Probably a pretty decent amount. Most of my friends dance, even if they suck at it.
How many of those people you know can dance professionally? I personally know four out of the hundreds of people I could name who dance on some kind of a regular basis.
Four out of hundreds who can actually dance professionally well.
Now, why? Why can these people dance really, really well?
They do probably have an aptitude, but the real truth here is that these two people each found a person who wanted to dance well. They got together and began dancing together with the goal being to improve the dance. They worked at it, talked about it, practiced it, and eventually got to the point where they can dance better than 99.9% of the free world.
In everything you just read, substitute "sex" for "dance" and "Have amazing mind blowing sex" for "dance professionally"
It really is that easy. And the funny thing is, most guys are very receptive to talk about sex in a positive light. I can't think of a guy who won't listen intently when his girlfriend describes things she likes in bed, its just that most of the time both people simply refuse to ever bring the subject up because of all the negatives our culture associates with sex.
If you aren't in a relationship, don't expect the sex to be stellar. Outside of people who have specific fantasies that their casual sex is fufilling, few people actually get great sex out of casual sex.
Is it possible? Yeah, I can and have had casual sex that was greatly enjoyable.
It took years of learning how to be great in bed, learning how to communicate in the moment, how to pay attention and figure out what my partner likes to get to this point.
My entire point here, is sex doesn't have to be boring, plain, or an unfulfillable part of your life. You just need to be open and honest about sex with yourself and with partners. If it sucks, something needs to be worked on between the two of you, and that requires talking about it.
Start with that talking, see where you end up.
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I am 18 years old, female, and to this day, I have never even had my first kiss. Is it just me, or is that weird?
And no, I don't consider myself unattractive. I have lots of friends, both boy and girl. I'm of average build and (I've been told that) I'm "good-looking". Even though I've had lots of guy friends in my life, I have never had a relationship come out of any of them. They, and my girl-friends tell me that I'm too much like "one of their buddies" for them to consider it.
I'm in university studying music. This year I would like to try and start making friends with guys who could could be my boyfriend. Any suggestions? (link)
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Smile more. Flirt. Encourage guys to talk and give them positive responses.
If you find yourself attracted to a specific guy, throw compliments at him. Jokingly compliment his ass, that kind of thing.
Being one of the buddies means, in the most simple terms, as you don't come across as a woman who has sex on her mind. Sexuality is an attractant, its mostly about body language.
Making purposeful eye contact shows confidence and interest. Smiling lets people know you aren't repulsed by them. Complimenting people lets them know you notice things about them. It works pretty much the same with both sexes, the point here is to create openings and get attention. You have to give attention to get it.
On that note, talk to people. Strangers. If you can't hold a competent conversation with a complete stranger, start trying and figure it out. Guys take it as encouragement when a girl continues talking to them. If you can keep the conversation going, it gives us more opportunity for the hints you drop to seep into our heads.
Lastly, be a little more physical. The easiest way is with teasing. When you tease a guy poke, hit, flick, pinch, etc. You send the message "hey, she doesn't mind being in physical contact with me. This is a good thing!" Give hugs when appropriate.
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how come gay guys are so nice to us girls? (link)
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Go look up the definition of the term "Kindred Spirits"
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I had sex with my boyfriend on saturday. He has really long and gross pubic hair. Anyway, on sunday I got my period and when I pulled out my tampon, I had one of his pubic hairs on it. What am I supposed to do? Do I tell him, should I not be really grossed out cus I am. I'm pretty much looking for opinions really. Any input would be great. (link)
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Trim for him, and ask him if he'd be willing to try it for you.
Then make a huge show of enjoying it, and encourage him to keep himself short.
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Is sex (in marriage) for a Christian just for reproduction? I am a Christian and I don't plan on having sex before marriage. So is sex for a Christian not allowed for anything but reproduction? (link)
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In the simplest terms, no it is not.
One thing you are going to have to learn and understand is that the rules of a religion change based on who you talk to.
I was raised catholic. Just within the catholic church there are differing views, some think sex is or should be only for reproduction, some think its ok to have it without that in mind but it should still be God centered (that group is almost entirely made up of virgins) and some who think that once you're married, anything goes.
Truthfully, most laws religion made about sex are bullshit, and not from God.
Think about birth control. The catholic church has outlawed the use of birth control. Been like that for decades, its considered a sin.
Similarly, priests are NEVER supposed to have sex, because that somehow defiles "what should be for the lord"
Both of these are fully acceptable to a number of other Christian groups. Baptist ministers marry, and their wives use birth control. (Well, some choose not to, but its ok for them to use it)
Here is my perspective.
Sex is not something you should be afraid of. Sexuality IS a beautiful thing, and when a real tangible love is involved it can become a powerful force in a person's life. Whether you believe in God or not, anyone could agree that human sexuality is a gift. We are the only animals capable of enjoying each other in so profound a way.
Many religions (the Catholics very high among them) have used natural sexual urges as a way to induce shame, and thus control.
Think about it, you make someone afraid of something they want very badly to do. Then you tell them that not only is doing it a sin, THINKING ABOUT IT is. It says it in the bible, "If you think about doing things with a woman, it is the same as having done them"
The point here is, that you make it so that people are convinced that they have been doing terrible things and are horrible sinners, and then you tell them that your religion is the key to forgiveness for the horrible things you naturally do.
These people will do anything for salvation. They'll be a part of your church, they'll raise their children in your church, they'll give you money, power, and influence. Kings, and Emperors, Prime Ministers and Presidents will bow to you.
Thats where the guild over sex comes from. Flawed human beings using God and the gifts of life we've been given for their own personal pursuits of power.
Don't be scared of sex, or the things you want to do. Just be an adult and control yourself until appropriate times. If for you, appropriate times means that its your future husband, thats perfectly fine for you to choose.
When you do finally end up having sex, don't go into it thinking about whether or not its holy, whether or not its gross, or anything like that. Go into it thinking that by making yourself and him happy together you strengthen your relationship.
And nothing could make God happier than a strong married couple.
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Is oral sex aloud in marrige. Some of my friends say its not aloud in or out of marrige. Is masturbation aloud when your marride? I know I might sound stupid and everthing but I really can't ask my parents about this stuff and their is no one eles that I could ask. I only want true Christian answers. (link)
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Speaking as a Christian, and as someone raised Catholic, that depends entirely upon whom you ask.
The Vatican would probably say something along the lines of "Any sex not intended to have children is a sin". Then again, according to them birth control is a sin.
Most the more uptight Christian sects (local catholic church, certain baptist communities, various others) would tell you that its ok to have sex whenever you're married, but if the sex is anything other than vanilla "missionary position only" sex that its unholy because sex is a "gift from God" or some similar line and even when you're getting laid you're apparently supposed to forsake lust and keep your eyes on God.
Some of the less uptight denominations (Methodists the first to come to mind) say that if you're in a married committed relationship, pretty much anything goes that doesn't stray outside that relationship. Those general opinions are "keep it in the bedroom and between you and your husband/wife, but other than that go nuts"
And there are many other perspectives besides these.
Now, I'm going to let you in on a little secret. Most of these rules, are not from God. They are from Man. Something churches want to deny, because it loses them their "we're the only way you can have a relationship with God" illusion.
But, simply put, if you look at the laws in place they are from man. Birth Control? Do you seriously think God came down to tell the human race that we shouldn't use birth control? No, thats what the Catholic Church decided because its easier to have new members born into the church than converted as adults, so they want every Catholic they can get reproducing and raising their children in the church.
Heres my perspective. God is omniscient. One of the christian concepts of God is that he knows all. That means anything we know, or discover, he already knows.
Because of psychology, we know that there are many complex emotions that take place during sex. We know people can be hurt emotionally by having sex with the wrong people, or having sex casually. We know that things like pregnancy can occur when having sex, and that two people who don't know each other and have no committment to each other having a child is a generally bad thing.
So, God knows these things too.
Now, lets say God sets some rules down way back when because he knows humans can be pretty stupid. Lets say that in a time when there IS no generally available birth control, knowing the emotional damage we are capable of doing to each other with sex, God says you should be married before you do it.
That means that kids will be born to married couples thinking about family as opposed to people who just wanted to have sex in a time without reliable birth control.
It means that there is a marriage commitment to fall back on when emotional issues relating to sex occur.
It means that in general people are more likely to have emotionally healthy sex than emotionally stunted casual drunken or whatever sex.
To me, marriage has always been more of a human definition than anything else. Marriage is the way our society functions in so many ways. Marriage forms the basis for current world economics, the "family unit" being the basic consumer unit in our and other nations. Its a keystone of human civilization, because it gives us a way to organize ourselves.
Do you think that someone who is married more than once is going to have both wives in the afterlife? I doubt seriously that human relationships as they are will exist in heaven. I mean, isnt the point of heaven transcending our physical selves, becoming something more? Why would anyone in their right mind assume we'd be shackled to the way life was here in the afterlife?
The entire point of this is, that there is no one right answer, or agreed upon answer even among Christians, and this is because God didn't write 99.9% of the religious laws we have about sex.
Don't have sex outside of a committed relationship, wait till marriage if you choose, the ball is in your court there. But in my personal opinion, you should not be afraid of your sexuality. The rules you hear about sex are all bullshit, because they were created by man to control other men, not created by God.
The only exception there, is that care and commitment should exist between two people for a healthy sexual relationship. Focus on that idea, seek that care and commitment, and then do whatever the fuck you want.
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i have this new boyfriend, who i've been dating for a month. but recently my ex texted me, and i saved his number in my phone under a girls name. so that i could text constantly while i was with my boyfriend and he wouldnt think it was suspicious. well yesterday we went to the movies and my ex asked me back out, and my current boyfriend read it and dumped me. he said he knew it was a guy, even though i called the girl who's name i used, and i told her to help me out. but he doesnt believe me and he broke up with me and he called me a hoe. he gave me a ring in the beggining and he even took that away. he doesnt really have proof that i cheated on him though.. do you think that he might come back to me? i really need help cause i love him alot and i messed up big time. (link)
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More than likely, its over.
When a guy summarily breaks up over something like that with as little hesitation as you described, he isn't coming back.
Let him go and get over it.
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i got high with a few friends recently, and got caught. my parents never thought id be this bad of a screwup, so they dont really know how to handle it. they just said im grounded until they decide otherwise. i can use my phone and my computer, but i cant see anyone.
they said they were going to start drug testing me to make sure im not smoking anymore.
but i dont want to stop smoking weed! i know thats kind of stupid, but oh well.
is there any loophole to the test? is there something i can do to make sure i get a positive on the test, besides not smoking at all? any tricks? thanks.
also, if i smoke cigarettes or drink, will that show up on the test? again, thanks. (link)
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::Edit due to feedback::
Ahh, the trite teenaged "stop judging me" line.
People who don't like to be judged are those who feel themselves that there is something wrong with the way they are.
In other words, your defensive "Don't judge me, asshole" response proves that you have a problem with pot. I'm not giving you an honest opinion, I'm "being mean" to you and thus you don't have to listen to anything I say.
Yes, kid, I am judging you. I am judging from your question that you are not very mature. I'm judging from your defensiveness that you both have a problem with pot, and that you know that its a problem.
You know, a lack of motivation isn't uncommon, and it sucks to go against the grain and quit something you consider fun. Thats the problem with kids, and the reason you have parents. Children are not capable of thinking in the long term. You are not capable of making mature decisions based on anything past next month.
You need parents to set limits on behavior because in some cases you are not capable of making the decision you need to.
I know you won't quit weed, but I want you to remember my words down the road.
Remember them when you let your habits get the best of you and wind up having to pull yourself out of some hole you dug for yourself, maybe then you'll recognize the points I'm making here, and start acting a little less like a tall 5 year old.
::/edit::
About 80% of people who imbibe some form of substance have no problems with what they're doing.
You, sadly, are in the other 20%
You are not mature enough to handle a substance habit. Theres a reason parents don't want kids doing things. Kids your age cannot learn to be adults at the same time they're learning to handle a substance addiction.
The answer to your question is no. While there are products created to help there is no guaranteed way to beat a urinalysis, especially if you are still smoking on a regular basis. Theres nothing you can do except stop smoking.
You need to. If you make an adult decision to smoke pot later in life, that will be your decision to make. The truly important thing here is to recognize that you are NOT making adult decisions in regards to this, and so you need to wait until you've grown up enough to handle it.
Its also worth pointing out as an aside, that as much as I didn't respect my parents rules about the house I wish I had. You owe your parents genuine effort towards following their rules while you're under their roof. You have every right to disagree with them, but outright defiance and refusal to be reasonable puts you in the wrong every time.
They are asking you to stop smoking weed because theyre concerned, and because you genuinely do need to stop. You need to grow up a bit and try to see that you SHOULD do what they say in this case, and try to learn a little something rather than just deciding to be a fuckup with zero self control.
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17/f
my ex boyfriend and i dated for a year and a half, and he broke up with me wednesday night. ever since then i haven't ate, i can't sleep, i cry 24/7..and when i do eat, i puke it up..i need some serious help.
don't tell me i'm young, i'll moved on..i've heard it before and it hasn't helped any (link)
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Time mends all things.
Grieving is part of the process. Let yourself, because its the only way to move on. Don't be afraid to cry, but don't let your life to to shit either. Hang out with friends, keep your head in school, do what you've been doing.
When you're at home at night, try to let yourself relax for a little while, find something fun you can occupy yourself with. Read a book, watch a movie, play games of some sort, whatever.
Occupying yourself some of the time without completely avoiding the sadness helps alot, at least when I'm fucked up in the head about something. I give myself time to feel it, and shut it away when theres work to be done. I let myself get over it but I don't let it rule me.
In time, I feel better. Being around my friends helps me feel better. For you, maybe being around your family as well. Throw yourself into something safe and let yourself care about it for a while. Pick one of your friends and get to know them better, hang out, and become better friends (Guy or girl)
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I have ALOT of enemies, and haters, and stuff like that. well anyways, last year (2008) my house was egged 8 times and i knew who did it half of those times. and this year, (2009) i thought it had stopped but my house just got egged again. these people are ruthless. what should i do? call the cops? its happned now a total of 9 times and im so sick of it! (link)
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There are exactly two things you can do.
1) Nothing
2) Get proof
Proof probably means somehow obtaining a video camera and making sure it can see the front yard but isn't very visible itself. Then if they come again, check the tape and see if you can see any faces.
If so, its time to turn the tape over to the cops.
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I'm 19 & this guy that I like who is 22 initiates our texting conversations almost daily, however he never asks me to hang out. When I told him that I like him about 3 months ago, he said he wasn't looking for a relationship since he just got out of a 2 year one around last September. Because he is aware of my feelings toward him I figure that he would see that I would like to spend time with him. I haven't asked him because I don't want to be pushy. I'm not sure where he stands and if I do suggest that we spend some time together I don't want to scare him off. I'm confused and don't know what to do. (link)
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Hard to answer.
Most guys would jump on an opportunity like that, or else make some pathetic excuse you wouldn't have failed to mention.
Since he has done neither, its really hard to tell whats going on other than the possibility that he's still fucked up about the relationship.
I'd suggest saying something. Its been 3 months, you're past the point you should be waiting for him if you like him.
Maybe text him "So, honestly, why haven't you asked me out yet?"
And follow up whatever he answers with a "I'd say yes."
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is it normal to get an orgasm from dry humping? (link)
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If you're a girl, no, its not. Most women aren't sensitive enough to climax from that because usually you can't get enough direct stimulation on the parts that matter for an orgasm.
Which would make you lucky. (Being sensitive as a girl is a good thing)
If you're a guy, yeah it is. Despite it being dry humping you're still rubbing the most sexually sensitive part of your body against something, orgasm is a predestined result.
Which would make you normal.
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i was reading some questions on here and people were saying how they love their partner but they're not IN love with them...whats the difference? (link)
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On the most basic level, its a lack of sexual desire and a lack of wanting for intimacy.
Loving someone in the most generic sense would be caring for their wellbeing, wishing them happiness, concern for their troubles, and a desire to stay in contact. Close friendship and family ties.
Being "In Love" means that you want a sexual and intimate relationship with them. Maybe you want kids, a family, that sort of thing, you want to live together and share lives.
I think, also, being in love also implies a certain amount of possession. You want someone to belong to you, and you want to belong to them. This is kind of a vauge desire, its kind of like you want to be someone's first priority, and you want their first priority to be you.
When you aren't in love with someone but you are in a relationship with them, they aren't always your first priority, and that affects alot of things in how you deal with them.
Long explanation, but thats a gist of the basics I think.
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16/f....i want to do amazing things for my boyfriend...like things to show him that i care
this might sound bad but honestly, he doesn't do any amazing things for me ...like whenever we hang out we just go see a movie or whatever, don't get me wrong, i love him with all my heart but i want that relationship where we do amazing things for each other if you get what i mean...it could be anything to make him happy and know that i really care =) (link)
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Oi...
I'm not going to let myself go off into the rant I want to here.
But what it basically boils down to is the phrase "I want that relationship where we _______"
That is an incredibly immature way to approach dating. I know this isn't the answer you're looking for, but in all seriousness this really isn't a good thing.
At best, it shows a pathological need for attention. At worst, you're dating a real guy while hoping for some fantasy you got from some kind of media.
You want more attention from him, thats clear. Talk to him about it.
You want to do something for him? Pay attention to him. Going around on the internet shows that you're not trying to do something special to him, you're just trying to do anything special. Which means that you want special more than you want him.
Pay attention to him. Listen to what he talks about, encourage him to talk a little more about himself if you don't already, and learn about his interests, even if they aren't that interesting to you.
My girlfriend knows a ton about video games, anime, football, racing and cars, and a number of other things that don't really interest her. She knows these things because she's asked questions honestly and interestedly, and we've had conversations about them. She can intelligently join conversations I have with others about these things, and can understand me when I talk about them, giving us something more in common to talk about and relate to.
She's also picked up certain things through these. A while back she found out I really liked a certain few books by Alexandre Dumas. The Three Muskateers and The Count of Monte Cristo to be specific. I hadn't read them in years and talked about it one day and forgot it.
Two months later she bought them and brought them home as a surprise. The next chance I got I read them cover to cover one after another. That was a great gift, and was so because she pays attention to me the way I do with her. Doing things like that back and forth are much more meaningful than some generic answer you'd find online about "special events you can have with your boyfriend!" that someone here probably read in Cosmo or whatever the current popular mags are these days.
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if a guy begs for a bj after youve already said, sorry but no, considered sexual harassment? is it weird if he occasionally keeps on bringing up the fact that he wants to have anal sex with me after i keep saying sorry i dont think thats gonna happen. but then he just says yeah one time in real quick your not gonna want it out.
and then at the end of our conversation, after ive already said a few times before that i dont think doing that is a good idea, he brought it up again and said ugh im def doin you in your ass.
i may see him soon and im kind of wondering if these are signs that he will try and do it and then not stop..this goes the same with the bj [he has asked for that a lot more]and whenever i say sorry but i dont think thats happening, he continues to beg
p.s. we arent even togethor so of course doing that would make no sense (link)
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Yeah, it is.
Tell your parents, then probably a school counselor.
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Okay so, I'm a virgin and I'm 15. I'm not planning on having sex for a really long time, my period is the 6th of every month and today is the 28th! My boyfriend came over and we were "dry humping" ? He wanted an orgasm so i was like Okay? I was in my underwear, he got one and like sperm? got all over my underwear and soaked through, I ran into the shower and scrubbed my "area" could I be pregnant?! PLEASE ANSWER! I'm so scared ): If my hymen hasn't broken, could there be a chance I'm not?! (link)
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Technically speaking theres, about a one in five hundred million chance you are pregnant. You need to get ahold of a pregnancy test to be sure, if you missed your period by several weeks and are, it should show up correctly on most tests.
If it says no, take another in a week to confirm. If it says yes, call a gyno.
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