I'm a woman in Texas. I'm married and have a school-aged child. I have a medical background. I'm quite liberal, socially. I love helping people with medical, parenting, and social questions. Don't ask me about tech stuff or finances, because I need advice on those things myself!
Gender: Female
Location: Texas
Age: 34
Member Since: December 17, 2006
Answers: 795
Last Update: September 2, 2007
Visitors: 49981
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Xenolan
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So i'm a teenage girl, my "best friend" told me about someone who she said she knew through a friend (she hasn't met him in person, but a friend of hers was talking to him on myspace but she didn't know that the other girl hadn't met him either, and then she added him) and well, he gave her his cell phone number, then we called him while 3-waying, but she did *67 her number...
he's seen my myspace with all of my pictures, and all of hers too. He knows my city and state. He lives about 6 hours away from me, and i'm scared to death that he'll come to where i live and rape me and kill me like most online predators. Because he IS an online predator- his myspace profile SCREAMS it.
SO WHAT SHOULD I DO? Call the police and give them the link to his profile? I'm very scared. I don't want to end up like every other teenage girl who's been found by an online predator.
PLEASE do not say "tell your parents" or anything- they wouldn't help- all they would do is block myspace and hover over me whenever I was online and a lot of stuff like that. And I don't need that because i DO NOT TALK TO PEOPLE I DON'T KNOW ONLINE! MY FRIEND WAS THE ONE WHO DID THIS BUT I WAS ON THE LINE AND TALKING TO HIM AT THE TIME!
so help please i'm afraid for my life. (link)
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Okay, did you tell him your address? How about your real and full first and last names? I don't think that without that info he can find you unless he knows where you go to school and just hangs out there looking for the girl in the pictures. I know you don't think your parents would be helpful, but I think you should tell them anyway. For one thing, if your friend's actions have endangered you, they need to know so they can protect you. For another, your friends actions may have endangered your family as well if it does turn out this guy is an online predator. I think you should make the decision to call the police with your parents.
However, I think that the risk he'll drive 6 hours to your home and hurt you is pretty low, even if his myspace profile is creepy.
I know that your friend must have learned from this and I hope that you are both safe.
Sabine
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im already pretty skinny and i have a pretty flat stomach as it is. but do you know how to get rlly nice abs? what are some exercises i could practice at home? thanksss (link)
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Hi. Just to add to LoveMeDo's answer, I agree with Pilates as a great way to strengthen your abs. However, if you look it up, try spelling it Pilates.
Sabine
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im lost what do you say when your in a changing room or bathroom in public and someone knocks on the door? this sounds stupid probly but its not to me im lost. (link)
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I say "occupied" or "I'll be out in a moment."
Sabine
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I'm going to a bat mitzvah on saturday, and I got a bright pink dress. It's one of those dresses that are kinda short and tight and are all ruffled and layered all over. I have no idea what goes with the color. This is a picture of what color the dress is, but it isnt the actual dress:
http://download.tesco-mobile.com/Media/Wall128px/255524.jpg
What color shoes should I get with that color, and also according to how I described the dress, what KIND of shoes? My mom said high heels would make me look slutty because of the type of dress i'm wearing. Is that true? Thanks! (link)
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With that color, and this time of year, you have basically three choices. You can probably get some nice tan shoes, or white ones, but I'd recommend probably silver strappy sandals. Whether or not a heel would look trashy depends on whether the dress already looks trashy, as in whether it's too tight and shows bulges, excessive cleavage, or panty lines. A lot of whether an outfit is trashy or not depends on how well it fits.
Sabine
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Why woulld anyone want to pretend to be pregnant?
http://www.wikihow.com/Fake-Pregnancy (link)
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Some unscrupulous women use a fake pregnancy to not only garner the sympathies of those around her (they'll often ask "how do you feel" and offer help to a pregnant woman), but also to try to keep a partner in a relationship if she thinks he may go otherwise. It doesn't happen very often, but some women 'trap' the man with a real or faked pregnancy and then, if it's faked, they fake a miscarriage as well.
Sabine
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recently i was diagnosed with a ovarian cyst. my gyno put my on the birth control pill "yaz". he told me to start on the sunday after my period started. what i was wondering, is there a difference between day 1 (starting the first day of your period) starting and sunday starting. because i am also using it for its main purpose, birth control. does it still work the same way no matter which on you choose. thanks (link)
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Just reading the previous answer makes me giggle. Jesusfreak2006 's girlfriend is on birth control? 'Kay.
So, yeah, you should start on the Sunday after your period starts because the pills are additive to your body's own hormones. The gyne may be wanting to get the hormones in the pill timed right with the hormones in your body. More likely, though, s/he just wants you to be able to know that if one row of pills is missing 3 and it's a Wednesday you haven't yet taken your pill for that day or you missed one. It's easier to know where you are and where you should be if you start on a Sunday. Yaz takes about 1 week to start working (not 3 months). Some docs recommend condoms for the first month, however, to make sure the dose suppresses fertility. This is why the doc wants you to take it on the first Sunday of your period - it will likely then be in effect during your most fertile time, which is usually about 2 weeks, give or take a few days, from the start of your period.
For more information, you can Google Yaz and read the patient information.
Sabine
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okay, well i get like wicked mad over everything all the time. like if i drop something, i'll get wicked pissed and like flip out and start throwing stuff. and i'll get like wicked mad at something and then feel like crying. and then start laughing at nothing. ive noticed this a few times. is this different? (link)
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Yeah. That doesn't sound normal. For a diagnosis, though, you need a doctor, because it could be anything from pheochromocytoma (a rare adrenal tumor) to hyperthyroidism to explosive anger disorder.
Sabine
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are you more likely to get acid reflux disease if you have bulimia? (link)
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Yes. You damage your esophagus by inducing vomiting and you're more likely to have reflux disease, tooth decay, ulcers, and cancer of the esophagus.
Sabine
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So we're selling our house.. and i have stickers on my door, and i need to know how to get them all off so my door looks normal again. please help. (link)
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Get some solvent. Goo Gone works very well. WD-40 is supposed to work well.
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this guy in like 2/6 of my classes seems to hate me even though i haven't done anything to him.
like today, i didn't even look at him and he kicked me.
when i asked why he said i was "a disease".
i don't know what his problem is, but i thought maybe the smart people on advicenators might know that and what i should do.
and rule out "he likes you," because last year i told him i liked him and he was a total jerk the rest of the year, but not abusive.
and then the beginning of this year he was okay and then started being abusive.
D= (link)
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Yeah. That's not cool.
Probably the reason he treats you this way is your age. I see that you're listed as 14. Fourteen is an age when boys start to get aggressive with other schoolmates because it elevates their social status and makes them look tough and cool and 'bad.' You are probably just the target he chose because you're not too popular and you don't have someone bigger than him to protect you. It's probably not personal, you're probably just the easiest target because you're passive or shy or not in the popular group.
What you have to do is stand up for yourself. If he kicks you, you tell him he can't do that and/or tell the teacher. Keep your friends around you if you can. If he doesn't stop, report him as a bully to a teacher or counselor or whatever.
Sabine
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kickin a** and taking names....what does that mean? (link)
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Well, the phrase is sometimes stated "kicking ass first and taking names later." What it means is that someone goes into a situation, aggressively straightens it up, and THEN finds out the details. It implies that the person doesn't dilly-dally and takes control of the situation right away.
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Ok, so normally I'm the one giving the advice, but right now I really need some advice, so here's my story...
It's been going on all of my life..My Aunt is a Cocaine addict. She has a son who is 2 years older that I am. So, about 4 years ago, when he was 12 and i was 10, my mom and stepfather finally decided to take him away from my Aunt, and he came to live with us. But, during the year after we took him in, my stepfather came down with lung cancer. He went through everything, like chemo, and radiation and it finally went away. Now, by this time which is about 2 years ago, my aunt starts doing a little better. My cousin, John, by now is 14 and we let him visit his mother more. But then his mother goes in jail, and my stepfathers cancer comes back. So, now about 1 month ago, my cousin is now 16, and a junior in high school. He is acting out in any way possible, smoking pot, having sex, and just not listening to anyone. Also, my stepfather is in very bad condition with his cancer. He can barely walk himself and he probably only has a few months, if that, to live. So we have had it, and we let John go back with his mother. But, we can't help from feeling guilty and feeling like we failed.
So, what I'm asking is if you think ther is anything else we can or should do to help? And if we should feel all of this guilt, and feeling of failure?
Thanks.. (link)
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Well, first, you're fourteen. So none of this was really your choice. It was your parents' choice. And they are old enough to understand that loving someone involves risk - risk that you will lose that person (like you and your mother are losing your stepfather) or that that person will not be able to accept your love (like your cousin). It's heartbreaking. But you said your parents "let" John go back with his mother, implying that it was a choice. The truth is that John wasn't happy in your household because of something inside of John, not because of you. He went back with his mother and he probably thinks he can heal what's wrong, but I bet he won't find it so easy. He may realize that being in your family, with its love and protection as well as its rules and restrictions, is the place he needs to be. But until then, there's not much you can do.
I hope you left it open for John to be welcomed back. If you did, then you have not failed. John will come back if and when he discovers it's best for him. Just don't make him feel ashamed of leaving and trying to work things out with his mother.
I hope he finds what he needs and that your stepfather has a good transition to the next phase of life. I hope you're able to cope well with his passing when it comes. Focus on making your stepfather's life as good as you can right now rather than worrying about John because there's nothing you can do about him.
Sabine
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I used to be friends with this girl for a couple of years. But then me and her got in a huge fight. So now we dont talk to each other anymore. I found out that shes not a real friend, shes just a fake one. The problem is that shes in my english, and science class and I sit right next to her. She's at my lunch and I dont sit with her no more. It's really hard to ignore her. Thats what all my friends have been telling me to do. Its just hard. Shes such a b*t** to me and she screams and yells and trys really hard to be mean to me. She talks bad about me to everyone. I havent talked to her since. The teachers always put us next to each other in class. :( Today I had to go into a different room with her because we got in another big fight. AND all my other friends like her, but some of them dont. How can I advoid her, and not have her in my pressnece? (sp?) Its compltely the most annoying situation I have ever had I want her to stop. And Im never becoming friends with her ever again. What should I do to make this stop? (link)
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Ignoring her when you can is best, but it's hard if you're part of the same group of friends. Here's what I suggest - talk to your teachers and ask them not to put you together. Tell them you're trying to be mature and avoid a fight, but that she is not giving the same effort, so you're avoiding her in order to not upset her. Ask your friends to tell her they're her friend, but that if either of you starts talking bad about the other, they won't listen to either of you. Promise your friends that you will not talk bad about that girl or any of them and ask them not to allow anyone in the group to badmouth another.
Another thing you might consider is going to the school counselor and asking him/her to pull out the girl for some mediation and to come up with a plan for you two to get along and avoid conflict. You don't have to be friends, of course, but you're completely right in trying to avoid her.
I hope it works.
Sabine
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i love my husband with all thats in me, and i know he loves me the same. i have a toriffic marriage to a great man, he is my best friend and whats good we comfide in eachother about any and everythings. this is my question: would he love me less or get tried of me because i don't want to go to his mother house with him sometimes?
can love ever be misunderstood for infatuation or what seperate love from infatuation, whats the defferents between them? answer if you can..thanks (link)
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Okay, first, my background, so you know why I'm qualified to answer: I'm 34 yo female, married ten years next month to a man I adore. We dated 5 years before getting married and didn't have sex until more than a year after we met (he was overseas for 5 months). We have a kindergarten-aged child.
My husband doesn't like going to my mother's house. It's boring and he's allergic to the cat. He always ends up playing with the kids because the other adults can't be bothered or want the kids to play by themselves and I'm busy chatting. No problem. I ask him to go about once a year. I don't mention it to my mother. I always say simply that he can't get the time off of work and that works because we're in a different state from my mother. Sometimes I don't go to visit his mother, whom I cherish completely, because I think sometimes men want to be with their moms without the wife along. They can talk about things they may not be able to discuss openly when I'm there, such as how much better her meatloaf is than mine. They can reminisce about childhood events without me getting bored and changing the subject. It doesn't make me any less a part of the family.
That being said, you must not have been married long. Your husband should realize that everyone needs alone time and it's okay to ask for it. You probably could use some time alone just to watch t.v. or talk on the phone or go shopping or sleep in or whatever. Don't be shy or afraid you'll hurt him. Just ask for it.
So the difference between love and infatuation, to me, is that love is a selfless, enduring affection and need for the other. Infatuation is self-centered and fleeting. When you're in love with someone, you let him go if that's what's best for him. With infatuation, you'd do anything to keep him there with you because you're more concerned about yourself. Love may start out with infatuation and grow, but infatuation does not last long because it does not make for a balanced, sustainable relationship.
So if you go to dinner at your in-laws' house every Sunday, perhaps your husband and in-laws would understand if you made other plans 1 time each month.
Hope it works out.
Sabine
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well... i moved away from this guy that i was for sure i really like, jake. we was really good friends and such, but now that i'm away, he has been telling me his feelings for me ( good ). i'm starting to like him more and more everyday. and well... now that i am away, why is he telling me this? i wanna be with him, but i'm about and hour and a half away. i'm moving back up there this june. we talked about bbeing together, but i don't wanna wait till june. cuz really, thats along time away. there are guys up here that like me, and some nice and some rude. but i don't want them i want jake.
1) should i wait around till june for jake?
2) how can i tell jake how i really feel about him?
3) what if i date jaek while i am still away, and he cheats on me?
4) why is he just now telling me his feelings? (link)
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Um, June 1st is just about 2 1/2 weeks away. If he's kept these feelings for you for so long, I would think you can maintain your professed affection for Jake for at least 2 1/2 weeks. Even if you're moving at the end of June, it's got to be under 6 weeks, right?
1) Yes, wait. You say you want him, then wait for him. It's not that long.
2) Jake already told you how he felt about you. He did the hard part. Now what you have to do is say, "Jake, I like you, too. I like the way you talk to me, the way you mow the lawn, your gorgeous green eyes, etc." or whatever it is you really like about him. Take a risk, hon. It's a pretty safe bet that whatever you say, Jake's going to like it and feel the same way.
3) What if? Does Jake give you any reason to think he's going to cheat on you? Is there any reason to think that if you're there he'll be less likely to cheat on you?
4) You can ask Jake what make him tell you his feelings. It could be that he started feeling them long ago and was too inexperienced to know what to do about it. It could be that absence made his heart grow fonder, to paraphrase Shakespeare. It could be that he has grown to like you romantically over some time.
I really think you should either just go for it and tell him you want to date him (though what does that mean when you're so far apart) or tell him that you would like him to wait for you to get back to his town so you can date. When I tell someone I care about him or her, though, I really like to hear it back. I bet Jake will be very happy to hear you return his feelings.
Sabine
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okay so there's this guy i really like, we're pretty good friends. his friend and i went out for a while.. but we broke up... there was NO chemistry. so then me and the guy i really like, we'll call him nick, did some... *ahem* type stuff... but then we had a date planed, he stood me up, and ever since then it's been kinda akward with us. but latly he's been majorly hitting on me one day, and the next he'll completely ignore me... i can't understand him. And then yesterday i asked him to sign my year book and he's like "i'm not gonna sign your s**t." and since i was in a bad mood cuz of family problems i was like "okay whatever, f***ing prick." Then today he was really sweet, he did all his little i like you type things... but it's like i never know what to expect, ya know? so i'm just wondering what to think... i'm soo lost... can anyone give me a little advice on what to do? sorry this question's sooo long. Thank you in advance ^_^ (link)
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Great advice by Ammo.
Okay, your school year is almost over. I suggest you ignore this pain in the rear until the end of school and try to avoid him this summer if possible. He needs to "get it" that he can't have it both ways, flirting one minute and acting like he can't stand you the next. You should simply be above that and not have time for it. Find another friend. One who's consistently nice. That's one of the basic requirements for friendship, much less a relationship that goes beyond.
Sabine
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I'm 18, have had 2 serious boyfriends (1 is my current) and have had sex only with these 2 guys. The things is, I enjoy sex very much. I initiate it everytime with my boyfriend, and afterwards it makes ME feel easy and not a challenge. I can't help getting horny and I've been called a 'nympho' numerous times. How can I fix this? I don't want to give it up easily! (link)
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Well, if you're 18 (and not 20 like your profile says), you're of age. There's nothing wrong with you wanting and initiating sex. I'm sure the 'nympho' comment was either a joke or a comment by a jealous person.
I'll tell you, I would love to have a robust sex drive. Men REALLY enjoy a woman who loves sex. At least the ones I know find it irresistable. The only ones who might not are the ones who are so immature they find it a threat to their masculinity when a woman takes the lead.
So long as it's not making you sleep with inappropriate men and lots of them, do risky behaviors like hooking up with men you met over the internet without meeting in a public place, etc., it's fine. If you get chaffed, lay off for a while. Otherwise, you're normal, young, and vital. Just be a sensual, sexual being and enjoy it! I'm jealous.
Sabine
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Okay, so my Kodak EasyShare Digital camera has been broken for months, and I have never gotten around to getting it fixed. The troubleshooting guides on the Kodak website have let me know that I cannot fix it on my own, and I need to send it away to be professionally fixed. I HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO DO THIS!!! Should I mail it to the Kodak people? I don't think that I have the reciepts anymore- I got the camera in the beginning-middle of December. I ask because I'm going on a cruice in June, and I reallyyy want my camera for then! (duh) I will be absolutely heartbroken if I don't. Can someone please help me!?!?!! THANKS!! ♥ (link)
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You don't have the receipt? Well, did you register it at the time you purchased it? Here's a website listing e-mail and phone numbers to contact Kodak:
http://www.kodak.com/eknec/PageQuerier.jhtml?pq-path=
687&pq-locale=en_US&_requestid=11646
You'll have to reconstruct the link, sorry.
Call Kodak and see if they can tell that it's still under warranty by the manufacturing date and ask whether there's anything they can do for you. If you need to send it in, they can tell you the proper packaging, address, and payment for return postage if required. They might also be able to tell you where to find an authorized repair shop in your area.
I hope it works.
Sabine
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Okay, so basically my sister and I fight constantly, physically and verbally. It's been going on for almost two years. I'm tired of it, but espceially tired of crying about it all the time and my parents not doing anything about it, or punishing us by grounding us or something instead of actually trying to solve the problem. Over the past two weeks the fighting has gotten alot worse. So I've been trying to talk to my parents about it, and at first they seemed like they were going to do something about it finally. But I should have known that wouldn't last long. All they did was put us on punishment again, so I got really mad and started yelling at them both about it. That they never actually do anything and my sister still gets to do whatever she wants even though she's on punishment. I'm not trying to sound like the "good child" here, because I do contribute alot to the fights. But my sister always starts them. I just defend myself which pisses her off more and she starts the fight.
So anyway, to sum everything up my parents really aren't doing anything, even though I sat down for literally almost three hours crying my eyes out and talking to them about it last week. They still don't do anything. It's like when I try to talk to my mom about it, she just blames me or says that "she is doing something about it" by grounding us. But she's not fixing the problem, she's putting a band-aid over it.
I feel like there's nothing left to do. Please help me someone. I'm seriously hitting rock bottom here. I'm so tired of having this same fight with my sister and with my parents over and over.
Thank you so much. (link)
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Okay, have you told your parents what you want them to do? Is it something practical? Maybe they don't have any ideas.
Can you speak to a school counselor or ask your parents for a few sessions of counseling either for the whole family or for you (if they think you're the cause of the fights or that you just need to learn how to deal with your anger, etc)?
Instead of talking to your parents about the fighting, have you tried talking to your sister about the fighting (not the subjects you're fighting about, but just the actual fighting)? Can the two of you come to some agreement which lets you both feel and think what you want without having to hurt each other?
Yes, avoiding your sister might be the best option. I don't know whether you have that option.
Sabine
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a couple months ago i was at one of my best friend's place, right? and i used to go out with her cousin. and he lives with her. now i haven't gone out with him since dec. and i still kinda liked him alot . we ended up making out, and he fingered me. [[actually fingered then made out, i always do this stuff backwards, cause that was my first kiss]] and he asked me if i wanted to do anything and i said no, and he was respectful of that, but the next time i talked to him on AIM he called me stupid and a slut. and he took me off his top friends [[with Tom on his top friends, the stupid creator of myspace!]] and i'm over him, but did this make me a slut? and what should i think of this?
13[[almost 14, yay!]]/f (link)
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Okay, Neuronatas, if the girl allowing a guy to finger her is a slut, what is the guy?! You're no more a slut than he is. Don't even take that. A slut is someone who has sex with a lot of guys. You mention only this one. He may accuse you of being 'easy' and he may have a point, except that it was one single time, right? But you're not a slut.
Neuronatas has a point in that almost fourteen is pretty young to be going anywhere beyond first kiss. Fingering is pretty advanced for your age, so it might be better in the future if you were to deny any request for fingering until you're sure the guy you're with isn't the kind who will decide, after he's gotten out of you all he can, that he could look like a tough guy by ruining your reputation.
So he's a loser and you don't have time to listen to his silly opinions anyway. Just avoid him. What a waste of your first kiss, huh?
Sabine
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