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Dragonflymagic
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I do best answering questions that are related to careers, marriage, children, dating and other interpersonal matters.
advice
I need some advice. I have been in my job for two yrars. Its seems as though everyday they try making it harder one. I feel depressed and miserable being here. My family says it will get better to stick with it. I have been searching for a new job with no luck. What should I do?
Clearly, staying at a job where you are depressed and miserable isn't viable. Remaining in this state of unhappiness is not healthy for the company or you. When you find yourself this unhappy at work, it's important to consider one of two paths:
Change your Perspective and Re-Engage: This path is for those who find their unhappiness comes from within themselves or from factors that are commonplace across most employers. It's important to reinvigorate yourself by finding new meaning either at or outside of work.
Change Employers: People should choose this path when the majority of their dissatisfaction comes from factors specific to the employer. These factors can include a "toxic" manager or co-worker, skill and ability mismatch, and organizational viability. Regardless of the issue, ensure that your next employer does not exhibit the same flaws.
Whichever path you choose, it's important to give your career choices considerable thought. Career satisfaction for most people takes a "U" shape. We often begin with enthusiasm, question our path and then ultimately return to reasonable satisfaction. We must actively take control of our own happiness. If you are happy, there's no limit to what you can accomplish.
So, I have a "friend." Honestly, she has stressed me out for so long now, and I still don’t know how to resolve this issue. We started out the semester as basically best friends. But then I got to know her personality, and it’s the type of personality that demands that other people be pushovers. I am not a pushover. I have been a pushover when I wanted to get others to like me. But by nature I am far from a pushover. My issue in the beginning was that my group of best friends all seemed to like her and hung around her still, so I tried to ignore my negative feelings toward her. I didn’t want to lose my other friends, so I pretended to be okay with her. Still, I would make subtle efforts to hang out without her. More than once, she would manage to tag along when I’ve made plans with other people. And it’s hard for me to say no to her tagging along because 1) I don’t want her to hate me, causing my other friends to hate me and 2) I don’t want my other friends who like her to think I’m mean or something. It’s just that we are in so many of the same circles. We have a lot of mutual friends. I feel like it’s impossible to be rid of her completely because I always have to see her. I might as well be civil toward her right?
It just bothers me to be around her lol. And I don’t know how to deal with it. I feel like I’m the one who has to make all the personal sacrifices (reluctantly letting her tag along when I make plans with someone, especially if I’m crucial to the plans; for example, once I was the only person who would be able to get us in to a certain party, and I did NOT want her coming, but I didn’t know how to say no. So I felt used. She always makes me feel used, and I despise this feeling), and I hate it.
It’s not like she’s an evil person or anything. Like, I’m sure she’s kindhearted enough. I just don’t like her personality. She can be extremely selfish and manipulative. It annoys me to be around her. I always feel like I’m the only person giving, and all she does is take. I hate feeling like I’m being taken advantage of. I don’t think I deserve to have to put up with this. Some of my closest friends recently told me that they felt the same way about her. So that’s good, I guess. But our mutual friends don’t just extend to my closest friends. Most of my friends are also friends with her (not sure if they also secretly don’t like her).
I just can’t come up with any solutions. I’ve already started to ignore her, and we haven’t talked in a while. But a few days ago, she managed to tag along again when I made plans with someone else (not one of the close friends who also dislike her). Of course, the friend was the one who let me know, not her. That just annoys me so much. I feel like my only choice is to continue being civil and acting like I don’t come very close to hating her.
I would appreciate any advice!
If you were to put yourself in her shoes, what does the situation look like? She seems to want to be with you and your friends but is being messaged that she isn't wanted. It seems like you have something to say to her and it can be hard to find the right way to say something like this without inflicting hurt and pain.
If this was my problem, I would discuss the matter with a close and trusted friend before I took any action at all. They might give you a fresh perspective and help you to develop a better approach. They might be able to even back you up when this person starts to become annoying. Tell your friend or give them a sign such as rolling your eyes and then your friend could create an excuse for both of you to walk away from the person. Don't make it really obvious that you are trying to get away from the person, or they will think you are mean, especially if they don't mean to annoy you.
If it finally comes down to where you feel that you must say something to her, do your best to deliver the message in as calm and nonthreatening manner as possible. Tell her that you are not feeling comfortable around her. This could be somewhat challenging, but you could tell it in a polite manner. Remember to go this frank only if you feel they are annoying you too much and can't just take it anymore. Also make sure that that the person isn't overly sensitive.
So basically I'm a girl who has a crush on her female friend. My friend has another best friend who she prefers more than me- but whether it's a crush or love, I defiantly like her more than a friend. But I've never been attracted to someone of the same gender before... I'm totally okay with being gay, but I'm just not sure if I am- and I'm not bi because (as I've said) this is the first time, and I know that she's not gay but is supporting of gay people, so do I tell her how I feel? Or continue to be the third wheel as I feel really sad, I don't know... Please no hate, I'm very young (13) and please serious answers... Thanks, Lea Wills xxx
At 13 you are just entering a time when you're beginning to figure out,"Who am I?" The process is complicated by enormous changes in your physical chemistry that can cause confusion about what future roles you should play. It's also a time when you begin to seek companionship and love with another person. The emergence of sexuality combined with rapid change creates a heightened potential for both positive and negative outcomes.
My advice begins by saying, while you may not be able to help how you feel, you are the captain of your own ship and you can and should try to do the right thing. Would confessing your attraction tend to add to or diminish the quality of your friendship? As you've written that she favors another friend, your confession is liable to create a dilemma and if she doesn't share your mode of affection, it could cause an irreparable rupture, leaving you hurt and even more confused.
The decision is yours and yours alone but if you were my daughter, I would tell you to put your friends interest above yours and I would add: At 13, it would be in your best interest to delay any sexual activity, homosexual or heterosexual until your orientation becomes clear.
If he has a baby and I'm 10 years old, and he's 18 do you think it'll work?
If he has a baby, that usually means that he is or has been in a relationship. Even if he's free and single, an eighteen year old male should not enter into a relationship with a 10 year old.
Can't you just love him from afar and dream upon a star?
How do I lose weight?
Just take your current body weight in pounds and multiply it by 14 and 17. Somewhere in between those 2 amounts will usually be your daily calorie maintenance level. To lose weight without any other effort merely decrease your caloric intake but not TOO much because your body will go into starvation mode and will make every effort to conserve calories. I would suggest a reduction in the range of 250 calories a day, which should begin to give you results within a week. If you want to accelerate the weight loss, increase the level of and intensity of your exercise. You can go to myfitnesspal for a free calorie counter to make counting and food tracking easy.
Ok i am a 12 1/2 year old girl and I love a boy and he loves me too. Should I date him? Am I to young? Simone please help me.
My young friends tell me that today, one on one dating often includes holding hands, hugging, kissing and sometimes even more intimate activities. While it might be OK for you to allow him to walk you home with his arm around your shoulders or holding your hand and I don't believe that a smart girl at 12-1/2 shouldn't go beyond that point.
What I view as healthy for a girl your age is transitioning from being in all girl groups, into groups including boys. being in a group of boys and girls including your "love" interest is a safe, protective way for girls and boys to learn about each other. Going to the mall for a group date can be fun and exciting but don't be in a rush and go too far too fast.
I have lied to my boyfriend his car handle fell off so I try to fix it with some super glue he came to my house that evening and asked me if I tried to fix his hand on his car with super glue and I stood in front of him face to face and I said no so he said well I'm going to call my son and see if he done it so you got a hold of his son and his son said no I didn't do it look at the cameras that you have at your house and it will tell who did it. So the next day when he left for work I text him that I did ithe forgive me for that stupid lie but he still broke up with me because I did it face to face if you truly love somebody you shouldn't have to lie to him you should tell them the truth what should I do I asked him for a second chance but he's not listening or even talking to me
First, you must realize that your boyfriend feels badly treated, deceived and regarded as a person who doesn't deserve the truth. The lie has caused him to be frustrating and uncertain about continuing the relationship if he must be wary of suffering harm because you may be likely to lie to him in the future.
Second, is the understanding that not everything can be fixed. Your boyfriend may feel that for all intents and purposes, the relationship is over, there's no way it can be fixed and he's not interested in making it work.
However, fixing it is worth the try, if the relationship is truly meaningful. What I suggest is writing a sincere letter of apology. Do it right. Take your time and when your finished take it to the post office and send it to him special delivery, return receipt requested. This may impress him of how important the message is to you.
As someone who has made any number of offensive mistakes myself towards others in my life, I'm expert in framing apologies. You may use the following as a framework for your own letter if you wish:
Dear___________:
I understand the gravity of what I've done, my actions have filled me with self-loathing and remorse. It's difficult for me to look in the mirror and I'm not proud of the person I see there when I do.
I have no excuse for what happened and saying "I'm sorry" hardly seems adequate. But if you would forgive me this time, I promise you, I will never lie to you again, ever. Both the suffering that I've caused you and the misery I feel now show me that lying to you caused too much damage to both of us to ever want to do it again. Whatever I thought I'd gain by this foolish act has disappeared like a wisp of cloud under the noonday sun. All that remains is guilt and a stronger resolve to be not only the girlfriend you want me to be and to be the girl that I want myself to be.
I know it may be difficult to believe right now, but I really do love you and have honestly never loved anyone else. In the past, we've become so much a part of each other's lives that I really can't imagine my life without you anymore. I don't think it would benefit either one of us to give up on this relationship yet because we've both invested so much of ourselves into it already and our good times have far outnumbered the bad. What few problems we've had in the past have been minor and we've been able to work through them with very little trouble.
I know I'm really expecting a lot to ask you to continue on with me but the alternative is too painful for me to even consider. Please remember the good things we've had already, as well as all the good things that are still out there waiting for us to discover. I promise you I'll be a faithful and honest companion who has learned my lesson and is more determined than ever to make you happy and stand by you as long as you will have me.
I'm hoping that you will get in touch with me as soon as you can so we can have a serious talk. I can only hope...
What is the meaning of subject of special study or research work
Basically they want to know what special skills you have obtained that would help you in that line of work.
So I am in my late 20s, i'm a little overweight, partly due to some medication I am on. My doctor says this is normal. I am able to run, walk long distances without puking, passing out etc. Every year when I get my physical and bloodwork done, everything comes back perfect.
My mother treats me like I weigh 600 pounds. She is constantly judging what I eat and making comments about it. I am at the point where I feel extremely uncomfortable eating around her or going out with her. I am comfortable in my own skin but she obviously despises how I look, and has made some pretty nasty comments. I've told her that I'm happy with how I am but she constantly tries to make me see nutritionists or try fad diets.
How can I make her understand that what she is doing is hurtful and depressing?
Mother loves you. Mother wants what's best for you. No one in this whole wide world cares as much about you as mother.
Mother may not completely understand that you're an adult and capable of making your own choices. She may even be a bit annoying but remember this....
She carried you in her own body for 9 months. She cleaned and powdered you when you were dirtied your diaper. She got up in the middle of the night when you cried and were scared. She did a million things for you...because she loves you.
You'll have only one mother in this world and when she goes, you'll know what sadness really is.
Can't you just grin and bear it? I think you owe her that much.
Hi there,boy Im in hot water.
This guy I like likes looking at other women.We followed each other on Instagram.And every time I log in,it shows me what people I follow liked pictures,and how many. Well,about 90% of his posts are all sexy and suggestive photos,I was sick of seeing crap! Especially when he has me to stare at.I have brought this up many times.So I told him I wasnt sending him anymore photos to his phone.
I said ''you get sexy photos for free,and see them all the time why should I bother? Just the last straw''
And he responded ''Oh my god...you're right.This is the last straw''
And then I said''Dont be upset'' And sent some other messages
And he said ''I'm not talking to you right now. Stop blowing up my phone''
He unfollowed and blocked me on his Instagram.
So,how bad is this? Os he leaving me? Am I ever going to hear from him again? Or did I jut blow it? Anything? Is there anything I can do?
Or is it a done deal? I said I was sorry. And I am.I love him very much.
So,is it over,and does he need his space?
It's over dear! At least it should be over. He is just using you, as well as many others, to satisfy his prurient obsession. He doesn't love you. He never loved you and he will never love you.
Save your love and affection for someone who can return it in kind. Selfish, sexually obsessed boys can never enter into a true, loving relationship with anyone.
I'm a 14 year old female with depression and anxiety. I'm a freshman in high school, but I'm homeschooled due to the mental illnesses. Well, I have NO friends. The only interaction I really have is with my family. I probably only go outside once or twice a week. All I really do is play video games, read, surf the internet, do my schoolwork, or other little activities. I love going outside as long as it isn't hot, but I'm just too depressed and anxious. Is there something wrong with me? I go to a therapist every week. I just feel like I'm worthless and not going anywhere since I stay in my room 23 hours of the day, on the internet for like half of that time. I just feel worthless. It's not like I'm a lazy bum who doesn't do anything with their life, I just am majorly depressed and scared to leave my house. I'm still in school and learn a lot though.
I'm distressed to read that because of your problems, you're being home-schooled because social learning is just as critical for your development as academic learning. This is a time when you should normally be engaged in activities that would show you how to relate to a wide assortment of people and how to get and be a friend. Unless this is compensated for, not only will you fall behind others of your age but it can compound your depression and anxiety.
Not all is lost child. Many schools welcome the home-schooled to their social and athletic events. It's worth checking out. I would personally recommend that you enroll in a karate school. There's nothing like it for building confidence and there's also the opportunity for making friends of the other students.
I do want you to quit thinking of yourself as depressed, anxious and mentally ill. These things don't accurately reflect the real you. What you actually are is a young lady growing up in a difficult world with more than your fair share of obstacles. However, I'm sure that you have all the basic tools that are needed for overcoming and succeeding in anything you put your mind to.
Buck up child, face every day courageously, do the very best you can and above all, get out of your room and do things. Your life is for living. Don't let anything stop you.
Hi. I am a first year graduate student trying to get my masters degree in psychology and I recently moved in with my boyfriend of a year. Last semester was hell. I had so much work to do and I was so stressed. The classes were so hard I would sit there listening to the professor as intensely as I could and still have no idea what he was saying. Many times I would have to leave the class because I was crying. This all caused me great anxiety. I was crying all the time, feeling sick to my stomach in the morning because of the nerves, and actually pulling my hair out. And to make matters worse my boyfriend and I were constantly fighting. He has anger issues and tends to take out his anger on me. He doesn't really mean to do it, he can't really control it. And afterwards he feels bad about it and apologizes and I know he doesn't mean it. But it still takes a pretty big toll on me. I have been recently thinking about moving back home, just to be able to concentrate more on school. However, I don't think I would have the time to keep up a relationship with my boyfriend if I moved back home due to the distance and all the time I would be spending on school work.
I don't know what to do. I've been falling out of love with my boyfriend. He is awkward and rude around my friends, he does not do much to help me around the house and makes constant messes, but I just don't know how I'd feel if he wasn't there. I'm afraid that I will dump him thinking I will be happier and be able to concentrate on my work, but I'm afraid that the heartbreak will be even worse than how he makes me feel... But all I know right now is that I am unhappy. I need to go see my doctor to up my anxiety meds I know that, but I just want to go home where my family can take care of me. It's a great atmosphere there they always make me happy. Here with my boyfriend I am rarely happy. I dont know what to do. As I write this I'm sitting here crying, barely able to see, my mom is blowing up my phone calling me asking why I'm not answering her calls, shes worried, my boyfriend won't stop texting me, I told him I wanted to go home. And I need to leave for work soon. I don't want to do any of this anymore. Sometime needs to change. I really wanna go home but I dont want to physically move out and break my boyfriends heart...ughhhh please help :(
While most students have a lot of stress, grad students have some unique concerns. Differing expectations and hierarchical power dynamics can make it hard to focus on the work.
Your physical and mental health is of critical importance and also affects the quality of your work. As it appears that you are approaching an emotional breaking point, self-care should be as high a priority as your schoolwork and relationships. Make sure you get enough sleep, eat healthy, small meals at least 3 times a day and get some physical activity at least 3 times a week. Take some time out for yourself every day and every week. This can range from minutes to hours, depending on your schedule, but it should be something that you enjoy. Time spent on fun and relaxing activities is an important component of a healthy lifestyle. I do hope that you visit your physician, not to ask for pill "crutches" but just for a health check.
Trying to maintain a romantic relationship sometimes demands more time and energy than school does. When your love interest fails to be supportive, doesn't seem to fit into your social life and is abusive, the relationship can become a roadblock to achieving your other life goals and may be the major factor contributing to your distress.
This is the time to consider your options. We all must make decisions based on our own best
interests. Having a good plan is also an important way to ensure that we succeed in achieving the important goals that we've set for ourselves. Your friends, family and peers can provide a link back to the real world outside your office, lab and relationships. Even if most of your friends are also colleagues, try not to talk about work too much. Make time to have fun with your friends and family and keep your stress low.
The passing of three relatives in the pass couple of years has made me wonder what happens when you die. I used to deal with depression and I did not want to live but now that I am happy I don't want to die.I am a young adult and would love to believe I will live to grow old. But,I am afraid to go to sleep because I might die in my sleep. I do believe in God and I pray but it still bothers me that I will die one day. I understand everyone will die but once you realize it will happen to you it is hard not to have anxiety about it because its permanent. It weird to grasp that I might not exist. It seems like No one really "knows" everyone just "believe" something will happen. Should I change my perspective?
You're not alone in wondering what happens when you die. Everyone has given it at least a passing thought or two. The truth is, no one KNOWS! It's interesting that human beings appear to be the only life form that are aware of their mortality.
Because you believe in God, I suggest that you search out a church that most closely reflects your belief and make it a study project.
These past few days I've been feeling really down. I'm a senior in highschool and I've always done good in school and gotten 90s and 100s but this year I'm getting 80s I know it's not horrible but I won't be able to make honor roll, which I really want to. I'm surprised I even made it last semester considering how my grades have dropped this year. But I'm taking honors classes and 2 AP's. I barely have any friends, only one that I really talk to in school and eat lunch with. I feel like no one likes me and thinks of me as pathetic and a loser because I'm quiet. The reason I don't talk much in my classes is because I might have social anxiety. I'm always worried about what other people are gonna say or think of me. It's always been like this.
Also I've been doing bad in gym and I don't know why but my teacher gave me a 65 today, even though I did participate. I always see kids sitting around and talking to their friends and not doing anything and she never says anything to them. I've never gotten that grade and I feel so stupid now.
I feel useless and unimportant and like no one cares about me. I have really low self esteem and I'm always feeling bad about myself. I feel like I'll never be confident. The past 3 years of highschool were fine idk why but I really hate this year. I feel so useless and lonely.
Not to mention I have problems at home too. My parents don't talk to each other, if they do they just end up fighting. I don't talk to me dad, I feel like he doesn't care about me or anyone in my family. He doesn't know anything about my school or care to ask. My mom is the one who has always done EVERYTHING for me and my 2 siblings. She works hard to take care of us even though she's diabetic and had surgery on one of her legs. Since my parents aren't speaking to eachother they don't sleep in the same room. My mom has to sleep on a sofa in the livingroom and my dad doesn't even care. My brother doesn't even have his own room and he's 23. He has to sleep in the livingroom. My older sister is disabled, she stays home all the time and isn't getting better. I don't know what to do.
Being a senior in high school, even without any complications, is very stressful, but with the added aggravations that you're experiencing, I can understand why you're feeling the way you do.
Considering everything that you've written, I believe that it's imperative that you speak with your school counselor, a favorite teacher, a minister, a relative or some other trusted adult. Print out your very eloquent question; let them read it and go from there.
Your "social anxiety" problem is common among young adults, and is particularly common to those with high intelligence. This will in most cases resolve as you gain more experience in dealing with others. In the meantime, do your best to present a pleasant, approachable demeanor in public.
Your situation at home approaches the intolerable. As there's very little that you can do to improve the situation, can you camp for awhile with an aunt, uncle or a good friend? If this is impossible, you must steel yourself to all the issues and just do the best that you can until something changes.
I've known "N" for about 5 years. He's always been so nice to to me.. Last year I walked past him in church and he smiled and started singing Happy birthday to me, he was waving his arms in the most ridiculous way. (His birthday is a day after mine.) I told him when my birthday was about 4 years ago and I was just thinking that he remembered for all of these years. When I smiled and said, wow you remembered.. He looked at me and said "how could I forget?" I've always liked him.
October last year.. I met a guy, "D"..we started dating November 8th. The thing is, he's not Mormon. I don't care if he isn't.. But he doesn't respect my standards like "n" would. "n" is Mormon too. I want to be married in the temple.. And I don't see a future with "D". With "N" I can..
I just don't think "N" likes me the way I like him. I told "n" I was gonna tell him about the troubles I've been having. (self harm.. I think I can trust him.) and during church he kept looking over at me. I have no idea why.
I just am falling out of love with "d".. And more into "n".. Even more than i already was. What should I do.
I talk with "N" tomorrow.
"d" doesn't appear to be a good prospect for the kind of relationship you want.
My concern is about your troubles with "self harm." This is something that must be resolved before you will be able enjoy a satisfactory relationship with anyone. To reveal this to "n" might not work in your best interests.
I'd like to suggest that you search out someone who you can trust, perhaps the bishop of your stake or perhaps a school counselor and ask them for help resolving your "troubles."
When you talk with "n" keep the conversation on mutual interests, perhaps letting him take the lead.
i don't want to do sex with my boy friend because i am always so scare about sex.
Although there's no reason to be afraid of the sex act itself, your fear of the possible consequences of having sex is justified. Even with the most stringent precautions, becoming pregnant is a very real possibility and contracting a disease is also a threat.
The very purpose of human sexuality is to produce children. It's really not for recreation.
You would be wise to put off sexual contact until you are in a position to raise children with someone who has made a commitment (marriage) with you.