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humorist-workshop
Stuck
Hi. I am a first year graduate student trying to get my masters degree in psychology and I recently moved in with my boyfriend of a year. Last semester was hell. I had so much work to do and I was so stressed. The classes were so hard I would sit there listening to the professor as intensely as I could and still have no idea what he was saying. Many times I would have to leave the class because I was crying. This all caused me great anxiety. I was crying all the time, feeling sick to my stomach in the morning because of the nerves, and actually pulling my hair out. And to make matters worse my boyfriend and I were constantly fighting. He has anger issues and tends to take out his anger on me. He doesn't really mean to do it, he can't really control it. And afterwards he feels bad about it and apologizes and I know he doesn't mean it. But it still takes a pretty big toll on me. I have been recently thinking about moving back home, just to be able to concentrate more on school. However, I don't think I would have the time to keep up a relationship with my boyfriend if I moved back home due to the distance and all the time I would be spending on school work.
I don't know what to do. I've been falling out of love with my boyfriend. He is awkward and rude around my friends, he does not do much to help me around the house and makes constant messes, but I just don't know how I'd feel if he wasn't there. I'm afraid that I will dump him thinking I will be happier and be able to concentrate on my work, but I'm afraid that the heartbreak will be even worse than how he makes me feel... But all I know right now is that I am unhappy. I need to go see my doctor to up my anxiety meds I know that, but I just want to go home where my family can take care of me. It's a great atmosphere there they always make me happy. Here with my boyfriend I am rarely happy. I dont know what to do. As I write this I'm sitting here crying, barely able to see, my mom is blowing up my phone calling me asking why I'm not answering her calls, shes worried, my boyfriend won't stop texting me, I told him I wanted to go home. And I need to leave for work soon. I don't want to do any of this anymore. Sometime needs to change. I really wanna go home but I dont want to physically move out and break my boyfriends heart...ughhhh please help :(
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
While most students have a lot of stress, grad students have some unique concerns. Differing expectations and hierarchical power dynamics can make it hard to focus on the work.
Your physical and mental health is of critical importance and also affects the quality of your work. As it appears that you are approaching an emotional breaking point, self-care should be as high a priority as your schoolwork and relationships. Make sure you get enough sleep, eat healthy, small meals at least 3 times a day and get some physical activity at least 3 times a week. Take some time out for yourself every day and every week. This can range from minutes to hours, depending on your schedule, but it should be something that you enjoy. Time spent on fun and relaxing activities is an important component of a healthy lifestyle. I do hope that you visit your physician, not to ask for pill "crutches" but just for a health check.
Trying to maintain a romantic relationship sometimes demands more time and energy than school does. When your love interest fails to be supportive, doesn't seem to fit into your social life and is abusive, the relationship can become a roadblock to achieving your other life goals and may be the major factor contributing to your distress.
This is the time to consider your options. We all must make decisions based on our own best
interests. Having a good plan is also an important way to ensure that we succeed in achieving the important goals that we've set for ourselves. Your friends, family and peers can provide a link back to the real world outside your office, lab and relationships. Even if most of your friends are also colleagues, try not to talk about work too much. Make time to have fun with your friends and family and keep your stress low.
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