16/f
I apologize in advance if I sound really naïve for asking this
Have any of you ever just made out with a friend but then simply continued your friendship afterwards? Can you explain to me how such a thing could happen? Like, I can kind of get how it would start if the mood and setting were right, but then what about after you were done? Wouldn't there be a sense of awkwardness between you two, or an unanswered question of a possible relationship? It just seems like it would be really awkward after that.
You see, the whole idea of just making out with a friend and then going on with the friendship completely baffles me. I've always thought that making out was something special that should only happen between people in a relationship...I mean, I understand the idea of a hookup, but isn't that usually not between people who are considerably good friends?
The reason that I ask is that there is one particular guy friend that I have in mind that I know made out with one of my friends a month or two ago and they didn't even know each other that well [not as close as me and him]. That's what kind of got me thinking. We might be hanging out soon and I don't actually like him like a crush but there's some interest and I could do with a nice snog because I kind of miss it. I just don't want it to be weird between us afterwards because he's a really fun guy and I don't want us to not be friends after it because I feel weird. It's not that I'm uncomfortable with the idea of making out with him, I'm just uncomfortable with what might happen later. Any advice?
P.S. Sorry for the length
It really depends on the individuals. Because you're clearly very conscious of your actions, it might be weird between the two of you after. I've hooked up with guy friends before that were just friends after and had it not be weird. But usually it is weird for a few days. As you said, the setting has a lot to do with it. If you're at a party or at a romantic place, it's well possible to get caught up in the moment, you know?
There's usually either an unspoken understanding or a conversation about it afterwards. Either you both know that you're just friends and that was a weird, random thing so there is no conversation necessary, or one of you will bring up what happened and you'll talk about how you feel about it/each other. Any time it's happened to me, we've just said, 'yeah, we're just friends. I don't really know what happened there.." and we just laugh it off.
It's typically not something that's planned, you know? It just happens, it's over, and it's kind of weird for a couple days or so; then it just kind of gets pushed out of sight. It's good that you know it should be between a couple, because if you just do it randomly, it's hard for it to feel different when you're actually in a relationship.
I would suggest you not do it because it seems that you know hooking up means something to you and if you do it randomly with a friend, it will most likely be really weird and awkward afterwards. You don't want to ruin your friendship, so I'd just keep it as friends if I were you.
Darby(:
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So, I am moving into an apartment in about a month and a half...I am excited, and a bit scared... because I have no idea on what to do first... haha. We have found the place, we just need to sign the papers and apply to get it, and viola! Its just after we sign the papers...what do you do first...buy stuff that you need? I need some help, haha.
I'm moving into my first apartment in two weeks, so I know the excited/scared feeling you've got, haha.
The first thing you need to do is apply. Make sure you read all the fine print and understand everything on the application. Make sure that the apartment is affordable and that the utilities are provided/affordable.
The next things to do are:
-Decide what you're going to bring, where things will go in the apartment, ect..
-Start shopping for things you're going to need; dishes, towels, furniture, ect..
-Figure out the laundry situation; whether they have on-site laundry, they provide washers/dryers for a price each month, or you have to go to a laundromat
-Start scoping out the area for potential job positions that you'll want when you move there
-When it gets closer to moving time (two or three weeks before), call to reserve a U-Haul if you'll be needing one, call to put the utilities in your name, [you'll get the numbers for that when you are accepted to the apartment], and call for any cable/phone/internet that you need to be hooked up [you'll have to tell them what day you're moving in if you want it hooked up then]
-Other than that there's not much to it. A couple other things we've done is change our cell phone number's to the area code of the city we're moving to [it's free], go to the area some just to spend time there [we've hung out in the area a lot, it feels more like home every time we visit, which will make moving there much easier], and tie up any loose ends with people, see friends and family. I don't know how far you're moving from where you live now, but I'm moving a fairly long distance, and because I don't have a vehicle, I won't be seeing friends or family much.
Good luck,
Darby(:
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my boyfriend broke up with me because he feels like i don't trust him cause i don't know how to like express what i'm thinking i guess ...i don't really know how to put what i'm thinking into words cause i only trust him and my dad so i don't really know how to open up =/ i do trust him so much though and i told him that...what are some ways i can prove it to him?
A lot of people have trouble opening up and putting how they're feeling into words. The best way to show what you're feeling inside is through actions. Your boyfriend must have a reason to think that you don't trust him. Think about your relationship. Were you on his back a lot? Did you not trust him to hang out with his friends? Did you nag at him about where he was or who is with?
Maybe you didn't do any of those things at all and your boyfriend is just the type of person that likes to hear you say how you're feeling. If you have trouble saying things out loud to people, try writing it down first. Get a piece of paper and a pen and write all of the things you think about him. Doing this will help clear and straighten your thoughts out. It will make it ten times easier to actually say these things to him.
If you simply cannot tell him in person or over the phone how you're feeling right now- a nice, detailed e-mail would be good. Tell him what you told me; that you really do only trust him and your father. Tell him that it's so hard for you to verbalise your feelings and open up to people. Let him know that you miss him and that you're really trying to open up to him because he means a lot to you.
Don't hold back. If you hold back how you're feeling, he'll never know. You have to remember that people aren't in your head. You're the only one that knows what you're thinking. The people around you only know what you tell them. so if you don't tell him that you trust him, that he's important, etc.. there's no way of him knowing, even if you think he should know all of that by now.
Just really let him know how you feel. Hopefully when he hears you admit that you know you should verbalise more and that you're sorry, he'll forgive you and give you a second chance.
Good luck,
Darby(:
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thanks so much for helping me...but my plan got a little messed up...so we just talked on the phone about some stuff and he said he still has feelings for me, but he isn't ready for a relationship because he kinda just wants to have fun and he thinks its hard work. he then said that if he went to a party with me he wouldn't trust himself because the good feelings would come back. he also said that he's been only thinking about the good times we had together and none of the bad. i asked him to go on vacation with me because i thought the time was right and he said he definetly wanted to but he has to make sure his dad will have left by then (he's a soilder in iraq and comes home for like a month). but he made it clear he definetly wanted to go.... so how can i make him see that he can have fun AND be in a relationship (not fun as in have sex with other girls, but like not have to have relationship stress on his shoulders) i miss him tonssssss =/
I know and understand that you miss him, but he's telling you directly how he feels. He's openly saying that he wants to just have fun right now. I don't want you to get hurt and I'm not sure that right now would be the best time to pursue a relationship with him. When someone is blatantly saying to you that they can't be in a relationship with you, they're saying it for a reason, ya know? You need to think about how a relationship with him right now would go and think of the possibility of him cheating on you if you do date. I'm not saying he would do that, but it sounds like he really just wants to mess around right, and because your feelings are involved, that's not something you need or can probably deal with.
But, I understand that you still miss him a lot, so if you decide to take the risk, here's what I would do: You'll have to be willing to give him the space and time that he needs. Even if you're dating, it probably won't be like it was before because he's not ready to be 100% tied down right now. It's really good that he wants to go on vacation with you, because that will be time for you two to spend away together. I'm sure you'll talk more on vacation and it might spark those feelings of wanting to be back in a relationship in him.
I hope he can go, but until then, I would try not to mention dating too much. The vacation will be a perfect time to be alone together. That alone will be better than talking on the phone about it right now. You don't want to push him away by being too aggressive. You've laid your cards out on the table. He knows that you like him and that's all you can do for right now.
But, there are ways to show him that it's possible to be in a relationship and have fun at the same time. The best way to do that is to have fun with him! If he can go on vacation with you, that will be the perfect opportunity to do some fun, adventurous things with him. Parasailing, scuba diving, boating, and anything else that pertains to the area you're vacationing would be a good way to show him that you can have that fun, adventurous side and still be with someone.
I think what happens a lot of times in relationships is that near the end, the people fight so much that it's hard to picture being able to have fun together without nagging or being on each other's case all the time. So make sure that you don't bicker with him or nag at him about things, unless of course, he's really doing something wrong.
If he sees that you're willing to give him space and not argue with him and that you're still the fun person you were during the peak of your relationship, he'll probably be more willing to consider resparking a relationship.
Keep in mind, if it comes down to him wanting to have sex with random girls more than being in a committed relationship with you, you'll have to move on. If that's the case, it just means that you're at different places in your life right now, and you deserve to have someone that is ready for a more mature, serious relationship.
But there's no need to worry about that much now, just something to keep in mind. For now, just keep talking and being friendly with him, but try to keep it semi-light. That doesn't mean that if something is really nagging at your mind, you shouldn't ask it; but it's probably best to keep things less serious right now.
Good luck,
Darby(:
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so every year for a trip i make a new pillow case.
i take a white pillow case and draw on it with sharpie, they come out really cool. i put all these love quotes on it with my name in the middle last year. and the year before that, i put song lyrics on it.
any ideas?!
It would be fun if you could get a couple friends together and they could help. You could put inside jokes on it and draw pictures that remind you of things that you've done together. Then you'll think about them before you go to sleep on your trip (:
Darby
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how do you constantly keep someone guessing? because then whats the point of getting to know someone if you're trying to keep them guessing... i just dont get this whole mystery thing...
I personally think that 'keeping someone guessing' means not spilling your life story within the first couple days that you know them. If you don't tell the person every single event in your life from the time you were 3 and your goldfish died to the current time, they'll be more interesting in figuring you out.
Being 'mysterious' is pretty much about giving a vague piece of information and leaving at just that for a while. Of course that doesn't mean saying, "When I was three something happened with a pet but I'm not telling you what." The entire thing has to be somewhat vague.
If you tell something very detailed that doesn't seem of importance to most people but is important to you, it will show different layers of your personality and keep the person 'guessing', as they say.
Darby(:
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So I'm mostly on this site to give other people advice. But I could really use someone to tell about a little situation I'm having and I've read alot of other advice givers advice on here and alot of it is good, I'm sure some of you guys could give me some thing for me to think about.
Well, I have a boyfriend. Well, I'm supposed to.
I met him at the beginning of the summer, which was over a month ago. I met him at my apartments pool, and he was living here also, with his older brother. The very day that me and my friends met him and his brother at the pool, we went to their place that night to hang out. Me and my friend ended up hanging out more with him and drinking and went swimming and stuff. -Besides the point lol. But anyways... Me and him were interested in each other, and after that night we started texting alot, and starting seeing each other and hanging out. Not too long and we started going out, boyfriend/girlfriend. I really like him and want to be with him.
Well anyway, here's the deal,basically:
A few weeks ago his brother ended up asking him to leave. I haven't actually seen him since then. So he did, and he was staying with friends I guess and all... A little while later he dropped and broke his phone and so I couldn't really talk to him except for times when he could get in touch with me from other people's phones. Not being able to talk to him really frustrates me. It's like I don't know what to do about him at all. There was like a week I didn't hear from him at all and so I was like wtf, where is he??? :'/
Then he finally got in touch with me when he was over here in these apartments seeing his two nieces, his brothers daughters and told me he had been in florida with his cousin who didnt have a phone. He asked to come see me but I was sick so I didn't. We texted a little while, and then he had to go but he PROMISED he would text me later on with someone elses phone. I waited. Never heard from him. This was about four days ago now, and i still haven't heard from him. I really want to talk to him and not have to worry about whether or not it's going to be the last time I get to talk to him for a while. I already know the advice I would give myself and what I already want to do, but that involves him actually getting in touch with me. Because I want to really talk to him about this and ask him things like what is he doing? what are WE doing? what am i supposed to do? When is he going to get a new phone cause he said he was going to soon right when he had broke it. I want to know what he's going to do. And how I'm supposed to be having a relationship with him. I really miss him, I already know he really likes me. I mean right before he got kicked out, things were going great with us, I was going over to his house alot, he came over here some, I stayed the night at his house several times, we texted alot. Ugh, this is just really frustrating. Anybody have any input?
I'm sure this situation is very frustrating for you. The best thing you can do is just to wait until you hear from him again, then ask all the questions that you want to ask. It's a good sign that he's been trying to get ahold of you from other people's phones and that he has succeeded a couple times. I'm sure he didn't text you because he didn't have access to a phone. It doesn't seem to me that he's just running the streets, doing whatever he wants and forgetting about you. It seems like he legitimately wants to talk to you.
But, that doesn't save you from the frustration it's causing. The next time he gets in touch with you (which hopefully will be soon) make sure you ask him when he's getting a phone and tell him to not tell you he's going to call/text you unless he's absolutely sure he has access to someone's phone.
Make sure you tell him that you miss him, so he knows that you're still interested in him. I'm sure that once you talk to him and get a few answers cleared, you'll get some peace of mind. You should also see if he can come over to your apartment or if you could make a date to meet somewhere like a restaurant/theatre.
Once you know where he stands; that he misses you and everything, you'll probably feel much better. But, if he can't get a phone and can't see you, you'll have to make a decision about what to do then. It would be awfully hard to have a relationship with someone that you can never even speak to. Your relationship would always be stuck in that beginning stage because you wouldn't be able to talk enough to progress to something else.
It sounds like he's going through a rough time, getting kicked out and whatnot, so just try to hold on for a few more days and clear things up as soon as you talk to him.
Good luck,
Darby(:
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how does someone get a body like this? stomach more specifically..
http://c2.ac-images.myspacecdn.com/images02/86/l_5c87304637ce4b0dad822f7db7e24ef9.jpg
its soo flat.. no band of fat around it you know.
how do you get this??
It seems to me that this would be partially a certain body type. The girl in the picture has no hips. So, because she's thin, she's completely flat on the sides up and down. If she had hips, that 'band of fat' that you're talking about would probably look more apparent, even though she would still be thin.
Either way, here are some workouts to tone up your love handles, which I think is what your concern is here:
http://www.flat-stomach-exercises.com/love-handles.html
http://www.weightlossforall.com/exercise-love-handles.htm
Darby(:
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hello againnnn :)
okay so i've been having dreams about my ex...alot of them were sex dreams and we've been hanging out alot like good friends and i slipped telling him i had sex dreams about him so he made me tell him the whole story haha. but these past few nights i've been having nightmares about him dying and getting hurt...i wake up in the middle of the night and i want to call/text him because i can't figure out if it really happened because they always take place at night and i go to bed in my dream, so i wake up and don't know if it happened...i really want to call him to make sure he's okay but i feel bad for waking him up..but i think if i call him at night and talk to him about it they might go away....i just feel bad about waking him up (when we were dating he said he doesn't care if i wake him up but idk now since we're not =/) should i? i think it might help but i don't want to ruin anything and i still love him alot.
thank you
-shay
I think that you're just having dreams cos you're worried about your dreams, if that makes sense. Maybe you had the first dream and it freaked you out, so now you're having more dreams and because you're thinking that they can't go away unless you talk to him at night, you're subconsciously making yourself have nightmares until you do talk to him.
Talking to him might help and it might not. I'd let the dreams continue for a few more days. Clear your mind before going to sleep. Try hard not to think about him or your dreams before you do fall asleep, because then you're more likely to dream about him.
If the dreams continue past this weekend, send him a text message when you wake up at night. Don't call him right away because he might answer with a simple text. You should really avoid calling and waking him up at four in the morning just to make sure he's okay.
If it comes to that, you'll have to though. So, if he doesn't answer to the text, wait until the next morning when he texts you after he wakes up. Then tell him about these dreams you've been having and tell him how you get worried about him when you wake up. Ask if it's okay if you call him if you have another nightmare like that because you think it will make you stop dreaming those things. If he says that it's okay, then call him the next time you have a nightmare like that.
As far as the vacation, I would ask him near the middle of July. That way he'll have time to clear any other plans. If you ask him at the end of the month, he may already have plans that week. I'd say ask him sometime next week.
Good luck,
Darby(:
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What are the most comfortable shoes and why?
I need some comfortable shoes.
I'm a girl, but skate shoes are definitely the most comfortable to me. Of course, they come in men's also. They're the most comfortable because they provide so much padding that skaters need in order to not hurt their feet while they're skating. Etnies, Circas, Vans, and DCs
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Hey =)
wow,I cant tell you how spot on you are! it makes perfect sense now because you are right about dave having feelings for me,he has told me a few times before,but he knows I don't feel the same for him.,he told me once how hes only ever loved two girls and that I knew one really well but wouldnt tell me who later he confessed it was me and we talked about it.
but sometimes he over compliments me and says how he wishes we could be more and stuff which makes me feel very awkward so I side step it alot.
like when we text each other wed always say at the end love you if were going,then id say something like love you more,and hed say no way not nearly as much as a i love you then hed say,I know its different love though.
It makes me feel awful that I don't like him more,maybe someday I might I don't know
anyway yea thats definately it then lol im actually amazed how you picked up on that and I was totally oblivous.
=) really puts it in perspective hes like afraid and slightly jealous he always says how I deserve someone amazing and how he hates to see me get messed around with.
Yeah I was most defenatly planning on staying sober espicially since Im not going with my own parents id be going with our other friends family and I wouldnt wanna make a show of myself or have them feeling responsable for me or my actions if you get me that way il be totally aware of what Im doing.
but I think il take your advice and go for the fun and be casual I have a dress and everything Im dying to wear haha thank you so much again :)
Yeah, I definitely thought that Dave liked you, just because there would be no other understandable reason for him ditching last minute and getting mad about it. I didn't want to freak you out if you hadn't thought about each other like that, but I'm glad you already know. Now it's easier to see why he reacted like that. I'm sure he's just afraid that you're going to give in to Dean and he's going to be chopped liver. If you did give in to Dean, Dave would probably be thinking "Wow, she gave into this jerk that she knew was only about sex, but she won't even give me a chance even though I'm here for her all the time" Ya know what I'm saying?
And I definitely love dressing up, too! I went to my father's parents' wedding a few weeks ago and I wore this really cute turquoise dress that I've had for ages. I've been looking for a reason to wear it and I was excited that I finally could lol.
Have fun and inbox me if you have any more questions,
Darby(:
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(15/Female)
I'm pretty confused. I've told my parents more than once that I think I have depression/bipolar/OCD/anxiety, but they won't do anything about it.
I have really bad mood swings and I'm really unstable. The smallest things set me off and I absolutely LOSE IT over almost everything. I'm always tired and I don't have the same motivation that I had when I was little. I used to cut a lot and I still do, just not as much. I have terrible mood swings and sometimes I just lash out on people for basically nothing. If someone I'm around gives off a bad vibe or is in a bad mood, I automatically ajust, I can't help it. I switch moves often and fast, I'm like a whirlpool of emotions all the time..
I contradict myself more than anybody I know and I can NEVER focus anymore, I can never get anything done and I'm lucky if I can even do my homework without getting too bored and not caring enough to finish it. I can't even begin to explain how all over the place my emotions are, I never have a cleared head..
What do I do?
You sound pretty much exactly like me. I can't ever focus on anything. If I'm trying to have a conversation, I space out horribly bad, then I have no idea what's going on. It's so frustrating and it makes people very angry with me.
My moods switch on and off faster than a light switch, too. I never really lose it on anyone. I just go in my room and pace and listen to music until I cool off.
Honestly, if you go to a therapist, they'll be quick to hand you a list of labels. I finally went to a therapist last year and they slapped with 6 different mental issues. Which now, of course, are on my health record.
I stopped going to my therapist. Some might be good, but mine was far too fast to diagnose and prescribe pills that I refused to take. After I stopped going, I developed my creative side more. I've always loved writing, but I took up drawing, painting and making clothes/accessories. Now, when I start feeling my moods shift, I do whatever hobby is most readily available to me. It really helps to calm me down and keep me from getting to that point where I totally flip out.
I honestly think a lot of it is hormones. You might want to talk to your gynecologist and see if there is a birth control you could test and see if it helps level out your hormones, which will level out your moods. that would be the first thing I would do. If that doesn't help, next would be going to a therapist, not a psychiatrist that can prescribe pills. Just a counsellor that you can talk to and get your feelings sorted out with. In the meantime, try building up your creative side and getting support from friends or family.
Good luck,
Darby(:
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man it feels like I have a new problem every day.
I've been spending alot of my time with this guy jason, and im crazy about him. Before him I was totally in love with this guy josh and honestly I still love him dearly but we aren't good for eachother and I accept that. But Jason he doesn't want me to talk to josh, hang out with him or anything. He expects me to leave behind one of the most important people in my life(someone i've known for over six years) for him (someone i've known for less than a year). I cant do it and I wont. He says that he knows about me and josh's past and that he thinks I would leave him for josh, we argue about this guy every day and im sick of it. Josh has even tried being his freind so that we can all get along and when I hang out with josh he can come and feel comfortable, but all jason wanted to do was start problems with josh. I really like jason and want things between us to work out but I will never cut josh out of my life for anyone, he's been there for me through everything and not only was he my first love but my best freind. so what do I do with jason>? What can I say to make him feel better about this situation>?
Honestly, you've got to see things from Jason's point of view before anything will be resolved. If Jason had a girl that was his best friend that he knew for six years and fell in love with, would you honestly want Jason to hang out with her? You even stated in your question that you're in love with Josh but that you and him are bad for each other. So pretty much, if you thought that you were okay for each other, you'd be dating him over Jason. See what I'm saying?
Jason probably knows that you and Josh aren't dating just because you're not 'good' for each other. He's probably thinking that you have a huge history with each other and that it is something that he simply can't compete with. How can he compete with six years?
I'm not saying that you should cut Josh out of your life, I'm simply saying that you need to see where Jason is coming from and why he is feeling how he feels. It's clear to me that Jason is just insecure because you've got a long history with Josh and he can see that you still love Josh. Instead of arguing with him, you should be telling him that he is the only one in your mind. Let him know that you and Josh are over for good and that you are ready to move on with Jason. Tell him that Josh has been your best friend for six years though, so you can't completely cut him out of your life.
Make him feel secure in the relationship with you. Part of being a good boyfriend/girlfriend is making your mate feel comfortable and making them feel as though you only have eyes for them. Tell Jason how you feel about him and that you don't want to lose him.
As far as Josh being friendly and so that Jason can tag along when you and Josh hang out: Really?
Did you guys really think that was a good idea and that that would work? No way.
If my current boyfriend's girlfriend tried to befriend me so that I could hang out with my boyfriend while he hangs out with her, I'd have some choice words for both of them.
The intentions are good, but come on, that doesn't work. In theory, that's great. But life and relationships don't work like that.
Like I mentioned before, if Jason had an ex that he loved and still loved and that he knew for six years, would you want to go with Jason while he hung out with his ex? That simply doesn't make sense.
It's not what you want to hear, but you're pretty much going to have to choose between the two to some extent, at least for a while, until Jason is comfortable and secure. That's what you do for your boyfriend if you really care about him. It's all about sacrificing. You'll have to sacrifice hanging out with and talking to Josh all the time if you want Jason to be comfortable and secure with you.
It doesn't mean that you have to completely drop Josh, but it does mean that you need to focus more time and energy on Jason for the time being.
Good luck,
Darby(:
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I got into my first relationship, and it's over now, but my friends are all upset and everything because they felt that we were all into each other instead of being with our friends, is this normal? How do I fix the tension with my friends?
Thanks in advance!
I'd say that this is fairly normal for a first relationship. You haven't learned how to balance friendships with relationships because this was your first relationship. If your friends say you ditched them for your boyfriend while you were dating him, they've got a reason to say it.
In order to fix the tension with your friends, you need to own up to it. Even if you honestly feel that you didn't ditch them for your boyfriend, just apologise. Say, "I see now where I was spending too much time with him and not enough time with you. That wasn't right of me to do and I'm really sorry. I'll make sure that in future relationships, I spend equal time with you guys." Just own up to it, state your apologies, and state what you're going to do in the future to make sure they don't feel like that again.
It's important for you to remember that they're not saying and acting like this to gain up on you. They're just upset because it hurt their feelings that you spent more time with your boyfriend than you did with them. They probably felt abandoned and now that you've just broken up with your boyfriend and are trying to be all friendly with them again, they most likely feel like they're being used. Pretty much, they feel like they were put on the back burner while you went off with your boyfriend, and now that you guys have broken up, they feel like you're coming back to them expecting things to go right back to normal. Just own up and apologise. They'll most likely understand and accept.
Good luck,
Darby(:
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my boyfriend and i are going great but sometimes when i try to discuss things or try to talk about how im feeling he yells and gets mad and end up being an arguement about it.
Well, your boyfriend shouldn't get angry when you try to discuss how you feel. Instead of trying to discuss how you feel and ending up in another argument, try asking him why he freaks out when you bring up your feelings. If you can't share feelings with your boyfriend, it's not a good relationship. There's no good connection unless the emotional connection is intact.
It also depends on how long you've been dating. If you've only been dating a very short time, he might just be overwhelmed. I don't know what you mean by trying tell him how you feel. I doubt you mean that you say, "Yeah, today was dreadful. I had to wake up at six this morning and I had to work over." Then he just freaks out and starts yelling.
Clearly, that doesn't make any sense, so I'm guessing you're trying to tell him something much more serious than how awful your work day was. You need to find out why he doesn't want to hear how you're feeling. It could be that he's just too selfish to listen to you talk, in which case, you should definitely leave him.
Just try to talk to him and figure out why he gets mad when you talk about how you feel. Don't bring it up when he's already mad at you because his anger will cover how he truly feels. Bring it up when you're both in decent moods and have a while to talk. If he gives you a valid reason, just explain to him that you want your emotional connection to be good so that you can have a good relationship. If he just gets angry that you're bringing it up, it's most likely time to find a new boyfriend.
Good luck,
Darby(:
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Hey. I'm 15 almost 16, and I'm female. I get told by a lot of people that I'm pretty, but I don't seem to attract a lot of attention from guys. I'm VERY insecure and old fashioned in the sense that I don't make the first move, ever. Because I'm so insecure, I'm not outgoing when it comes to guys taht I find attractive. I can talk to them as friends, sure, but I would NEVER go up to a random guy and get his attention (by hitting on him or giving him my number or anything) I was wondering if there's anything I can do to make myself seem more interested without having to say anything..
The best thing to do is make eye contact and smile. If you appear friendly, guys will know that you're interested and having a good time talking to them. You don't have to be as bold as walking up to a guy that you don't know and giving him your phone number. I honestly don't think any of my girl friends have done that, and I know I haven't. But we've all had a lot of boyfriends. I don't think people really do things like that in life as much as they do in movies.
You really should just be yourself. Take a deep breath and try to clear your mind when you're talking with a guy that you find attractive. If you think too much, your mind will be somewhere else and you won't be able to focus on the guy. If you're not focused on the guy, he's not going to know that you're interested him. Like I said, be human, laugh when it's appropriate, and make eye contact. You could even throw a simple compliment in, "I like your shoes" or "You've got such a nice smile". Little things like that make the conversation go from one between just friends to one between potential boyfriends/girlfriends.
Good luck,
Darby(:
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okayy so me and my ex are hanging out this tuesday. and remember how i mentioned after prom night how i was kinda flirty with a friend since he pretty much ditched me and then he got really pissed at me for it? well i want to ask him why he got pissed...cause i mean, why would he get pissed if he didn't still love me? (btw i called him and pretty much cried to him telling him i was sorry..which secretly i don't really know what i'm sorry for? cause we aren't even dating so its not like i cheated on him) i think he's confused and just hitting that rough stage in the relationship..but i still want him back =/
If I were you, I really wouldn't ask him. It sounds good in theory, like he would just lay everything out on the table for you, but he would probably just get more pissed off.
When you break up with someone, it's going to hurt the first time you see them with someone else. No matter who or where it is. If it's in front of the ex, it's never a good idea. Especially since you guys are still hanging out and everything. You're right, you didn't cheat on him and he's not your boyfriend. But, imagine if he was hitting on a girl in front of you.
He did ditch you, and that wasn't right. So if you mention it, try to be subtle. Don't say, "Hey, man, why'd you get so pissed when I was flirting with that dude after prom?" You have to go about it with sensitivity since he's clearly still sensitive about everything. If you want to figure out what was happening in his mind when he got mad, say something along the lines of, "I know you got upset when I was talking to (insert guy's name) and that was wrong of me to do, but it hurt my feelings when you practically ditched me." That way you'll be putting things into perspective for him and letting him know that you're not okay with him ditching you like that.
If you lay your words out in a way that will put him in your shoes, he'll be able to understand what was going through your mind when you were flirting with that guy on prom night. If you words show sensitivity, that you got hurt when he ditched you, he will see that you care what he does and that he can still hurt you. It shows vulnerability, which will be necessary from both of you if you're wanting to rekindle a relationship.
Good luck,
Darby(:
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Hey =)
Its me,Jess again the one that asked you all the questions about the guy,dean.
Okay so his parents wedding is this friday,and I'm having some trouble deciding whether to go or not.
I want to go to show him I was serious when I said I wasnt gonna have sex with him,and how Im not like that,also I want to see if its easier to face him you know like turn him down and feel nothing,no regret or anything then that way I'l know myself im over him.
Problems are,my bestfriend dave promised me he would go because its easier with him there to reassure me if I have a doubt and feel like getting with him. now hes bailing on me and not going. he also really hurt my feelings because he doesnt have any faith in me he seems to think im just gonna give in he doesnt believe me when I say im serious about not being with him I told him why would I want to be with someone who made it clear he is only in it for the sex.
he said I believe you but when your drunk its a different story,which I know is true hence why he said he would come and look out for me.
he seems to think now though that im only fooling myself and him in saying I wont be with him which isnt true!
another friend of ours is going too and he said I could ho with him If I still want to go,and the two of us would have fun together at it,but I dont know if i want to go my reasons for not wanting to is he will think ive gone out of my way just to see him kinda thing seeing as dave isnt going.
so basicly what Im asking is what do you think I should do?go or not.
also remember how I told you how dave was going to speak to him and find out his actual intentions see if he said it straight out to him well he never did that he said orginally of course i will anything for you and if he says anything bad or degrading about you il snap,then he says to me when I asked him had he done it he said no why don't you ask him?
which was completely missing the point obviously hes not going to say it to my face.
So I guess im at a loss as to why dave keeps bailing on me too.
he doesnt understand that it isnt as easy to just get over someone.
ugh sorry if i rambled on I just needed to get that off my chest,thanks for taking the time to read i really aprciate it and all your help!
Well, first I'm going to talk about Dave a little bit. Ask some questions, I guess. From reading your question and seeing how Dave is acting now, I just want to make sure that you're positive Dave doesn't like you as more than a friend. I don't know if your friendship is one that is clearcut just friends, or if you've just never really talked about being more than that. The reason I'm asking that is because that's how he's acting. He doesn't want to go to the wedding with you because he's mad that he thinks you're going to hook up with Dean. Why would he care if you hooked up with Dean if he didn't have feelings for you? I mean, other than the fact that Dave is your friend and he doesn't want you to get hurt. But think of one of your girl friends. To me, it would be odd if a girl friend said, "Psh, I'm not going with you. You're just going to give in and have sex with him anyway." My girl friends might say that it's probably not a good idea, but they definitely wouldn't bale or get mad at me. It seems like Dave just doesn't want you to go because he's afraid you'll hook up with Dean. Plus, he hasn't asked Dean about you. It just makes me think that he'll ask Dean and Dean will tell him that he's really not in it for sex or something. Then Dave would have to report back that Dean actually said positive things about you OR just tell you that he hasn't asked him. Get what I'm saying?
If you read that and think, absolutely no way because you guys have already established that you're only friends, or because Dave has a gf, then it's probably nothing to worry about. Just reading that, Dave possibly liking you was the first thing that popped into my head. I mean, it really seems like that would be the only good reason for him baling at the last minute.
Now to the main question: Okay, you said that Dave mentioned that you might be more willing to get with Dean if you were drunk. But, you're going to be at his parents wedding, are you really going to get totally wasted? It's great that you know and agree that you make better decisions sober, so that's what you've gotta do. Stay sober.
Your other friend is willing to go with you. He said he was going to go with you and Dave in the beginning. If I were you and you decide to go, I would bring you other friend and just say that Dave got sick or had something last minute to do. That way, it won't look like you were trying really hard to see him. Just be casual about it.
As far as whether or not you should even go, think of your reasons for going or not going. If your only reason for going is to prove to Dean or Dave or even yourself that you're capable of not hooking up with Dean, don't go. That's not a very good reason, so just don't put yourself in the position if that's the only reason you want to go.
But, if the reason you want to go is more along the lines of that you like Dean as a friend, you told him you were going to go, and you'll have fun there with you're other friend; you should definitely go!
When you make the decision, don't think about anyone but yourself. Sounds selfish, but it really has nothing to do with anybody but you. Just think about it from the outside. It's really not a big deal to go to someone's parents' wedding. You'll probably just go there, sit and watch the commencement, then have dinner. I doubt you'll even be put in a position where you'll have to say yes or no to Dean either way. It would probably be a fun little thing to go to with your friend, and you did tell Dean that you would go. If Dean still wants you to go, I would go if I were you. But don't go to prove a point. Just go for something fun to do. A reason to dress up and mingle with people (:
Darby(:
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I've recently found out that one of my ex boyfriends want me back. We were together for around 5 months and then he left me on my birthday for someone else. I'm not sure what to because he says he is sorry and that it is the biggest mistake he has made in his life. Just today he said he loved me. I could tell by his voice that it was totally serious. I said i loved him too, but was worried that it would send mixed messages. He said he still thinks of me and that he has learned from his mistake. I admit i still like him and somehow I have forgave him. Should i go out with him or just tell him to be friends, evem if he says he wants to be more?
I think you'll be chasing ghosts if you try to have a relationship with him again. The way he left you was a fairly serious offence. Even though he says he's learned from his mistake, he needs to learn why he made this mistake in the first place.
Clearly, it's crappy to leave your girlfriend on her birthday for another girl. It's not like his head was fogged and it was simply a decision that anyone could accidentally stumble upon. He intentionally left you for another girl, on your birthday.
If you think you can trust him again, go for it. But I know for a fact that I would not trust a guy again if he did that to me. I might be friends with him, but I wouldn't trust him and I would want him to know that he shouldn't trust me either.
I think that you should just be friends with him. Even if he's sorry now, there was a reason he left you in the first place. What if he meets another girl and decides to leave you again? If you've thought of all of these things and don't care, you should give him another chance. But you'll need to watch your back and not be surprised when he does it again.
Darby
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okayy so i hung out with my ex and one of my best friends and then we met up with 2 other friends, so it was the 5 of us. it was chill, we talked like friends would talk, nothing serious. he brought up things from the past though like i had my favorite necklace on my mirror in the car and he pointed that out and one of my favorite songs was on the radio so he stopped and let it play saying "oh you love this song" when he doesn't like it. then at the end of the night i didn't feel like getting up so i said to like everyone "can someone give me a piggy back ride to the car" and he gave me one. he's been really chill and i want him back, but i don't want to come on too strong. so my questions are, 1. when should i ask him if he wants to go on vacation with me? (he probably does cause he wants me to teach him how to surf lol) and 2. should i just keep hanging out as his friend or should i hint i still love him? if so, how? thank you soo much..i should seriously be paying you haha.
Haha, alright, so it sounds like hanging out went really really well! That's exciting. Congrats.
Okay, so first question: If I remember correctly, you're going on vacation in July. You definitely need to give him a heads up soon and see if he wants to go. Like you said, it was already somewhat planned out, so I'm sure he'll agree to go. You just don't want to wait until the last minute and spring it on him. There's only one week left in June. I don't know if you're going at the beginning, middle, or end of July. If you're going at the beginning, you should ask him as soon as you feel comfortable asking him. If it's near the end, you can wait a couple weeks, which would be perfect for you to hang out with him more before you go.
Second question, I think you should just continue to hang out with him for a while. You can hint around that you still care about or think of him, without fully hinting that you're in love with him. You want to play it cool, like you said, you don't want to come on too strong. Try to hang out with him asap with friends or alone. If there's a movie out that you want to see, ask if he wants to go with you, especially if it's one that you think he'd like.
Once you hang out for a while, and especially when you go on vacation with him, it would be more appropriate to tell him how you're feeling fully. Right now, since you're just starting to hang out again, you want to play it cool, calm, and collected. Don't make him think that you don't care about him, but don't tell him you still love him yet. You don't want to scare him off or make anything awkward. Just play it cool and wait a while.
Darby(:
EDIT:
It really depends on what kind of party it is. If it's just a small gathering of about 10 people or less, a party would be okay. But if it's an all-out drunken mess of people, it's definitely not a good idea. You won't be able to get any privacy, there will be people there acting stupid (because some people don't handle liquor well), it will be loud due to music and people talking, etc..
If you want to do something more private, see if he wants to go bowling/rollerskating/golfing/laser tagging. You could also have dinner at a semi-nice restaurant and go to a movie. If you don't have the money/transportation for these things, a nice walk would be good. You could go to the park and have a nice picnic, or if there are any lakes near your house, you could go there at night and just sit, watch the stars and talk. It's surprisingly entertaining and intimate, no matter who you're with.
Have fun(:
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