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me again =)
Hey =)
Its me,Jess again the one that asked you all the questions about the guy,dean.
Okay so his parents wedding is this friday,and I'm having some trouble deciding whether to go or not.
I want to go to show him I was serious when I said I wasnt gonna have sex with him,and how Im not like that,also I want to see if its easier to face him you know like turn him down and feel nothing,no regret or anything then that way I'l know myself im over him.
Problems are,my bestfriend dave promised me he would go because its easier with him there to reassure me if I have a doubt and feel like getting with him. now hes bailing on me and not going. he also really hurt my feelings because he doesnt have any faith in me he seems to think im just gonna give in he doesnt believe me when I say im serious about not being with him I told him why would I want to be with someone who made it clear he is only in it for the sex.
he said I believe you but when your drunk its a different story,which I know is true hence why he said he would come and look out for me.
he seems to think now though that im only fooling myself and him in saying I wont be with him which isnt true!
another friend of ours is going too and he said I could ho with him If I still want to go,and the two of us would have fun together at it,but I dont know if i want to go my reasons for not wanting to is he will think ive gone out of my way just to see him kinda thing seeing as dave isnt going.
so basicly what Im asking is what do you think I should do?go or not.
also remember how I told you how dave was going to speak to him and find out his actual intentions see if he said it straight out to him well he never did that he said orginally of course i will anything for you and if he says anything bad or degrading about you il snap,then he says to me when I asked him had he done it he said no why don't you ask him?
which was completely missing the point obviously hes not going to say it to my face.
So I guess im at a loss as to why dave keeps bailing on me too.
he doesnt understand that it isnt as easy to just get over someone.
ugh sorry if i rambled on I just needed to get that off my chest,thanks for taking the time to read i really aprciate it and all your help!
<3
Jess
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Well, first I'm going to talk about Dave a little bit. Ask some questions, I guess. From reading your question and seeing how Dave is acting now, I just want to make sure that you're positive Dave doesn't like you as more than a friend. I don't know if your friendship is one that is clearcut just friends, or if you've just never really talked about being more than that. The reason I'm asking that is because that's how he's acting. He doesn't want to go to the wedding with you because he's mad that he thinks you're going to hook up with Dean. Why would he care if you hooked up with Dean if he didn't have feelings for you? I mean, other than the fact that Dave is your friend and he doesn't want you to get hurt. But think of one of your girl friends. To me, it would be odd if a girl friend said, "Psh, I'm not going with you. You're just going to give in and have sex with him anyway." My girl friends might say that it's probably not a good idea, but they definitely wouldn't bale or get mad at me. It seems like Dave just doesn't want you to go because he's afraid you'll hook up with Dean. Plus, he hasn't asked Dean about you. It just makes me think that he'll ask Dean and Dean will tell him that he's really not in it for sex or something. Then Dave would have to report back that Dean actually said positive things about you OR just tell you that he hasn't asked him. Get what I'm saying?
If you read that and think, absolutely no way because you guys have already established that you're only friends, or because Dave has a gf, then it's probably nothing to worry about. Just reading that, Dave possibly liking you was the first thing that popped into my head. I mean, it really seems like that would be the only good reason for him baling at the last minute.
Now to the main question: Okay, you said that Dave mentioned that you might be more willing to get with Dean if you were drunk. But, you're going to be at his parents wedding, are you really going to get totally wasted? It's great that you know and agree that you make better decisions sober, so that's what you've gotta do. Stay sober.
Your other friend is willing to go with you. He said he was going to go with you and Dave in the beginning. If I were you and you decide to go, I would bring you other friend and just say that Dave got sick or had something last minute to do. That way, it won't look like you were trying really hard to see him. Just be casual about it.
As far as whether or not you should even go, think of your reasons for going or not going. If your only reason for going is to prove to Dean or Dave or even yourself that you're capable of not hooking up with Dean, don't go. That's not a very good reason, so just don't put yourself in the position if that's the only reason you want to go.
But, if the reason you want to go is more along the lines of that you like Dean as a friend, you told him you were going to go, and you'll have fun there with you're other friend; you should definitely go!
When you make the decision, don't think about anyone but yourself. Sounds selfish, but it really has nothing to do with anybody but you. Just think about it from the outside. It's really not a big deal to go to someone's parents' wedding. You'll probably just go there, sit and watch the commencement, then have dinner. I doubt you'll even be put in a position where you'll have to say yes or no to Dean either way. It would probably be a fun little thing to go to with your friend, and you did tell Dean that you would go. If Dean still wants you to go, I would go if I were you. But don't go to prove a point. Just go for something fun to do. A reason to dress up and mingle with people (:
Darby(:
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