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another questionn
thanks so much for helping me...but my plan got a little messed up...so we just talked on the phone about some stuff and he said he still has feelings for me, but he isn't ready for a relationship because he kinda just wants to have fun and he thinks its hard work. he then said that if he went to a party with me he wouldn't trust himself because the good feelings would come back. he also said that he's been only thinking about the good times we had together and none of the bad. i asked him to go on vacation with me because i thought the time was right and he said he definetly wanted to but he has to make sure his dad will have left by then (he's a soilder in iraq and comes home for like a month). but he made it clear he definetly wanted to go.... so how can i make him see that he can have fun AND be in a relationship (not fun as in have sex with other girls, but like not have to have relationship stress on his shoulders) i miss him tonssssss =/
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Well, since he definetly wants to go on vacation with you, that's really good, because he WANTS to be around you, and you can show him that being in a relationship isnt "not fun" and that with you it can be fun. But if the whole vacation thing doesn't work out, you can hang out with him and do new and exciting things, like surprise him ... and NO DRAMA or fights, because that will NOT help the situation. you could surprise him by...
- getting tickets to go see a baseball game or some sort of sporting game when you're just supposed to be hanging out, but do it as a surprise show up with tickets and be like HEY look what I got :] ! hahaa he'll be SO superduper excited, trust me.
- go to a waterpark/themepark with him, but also make it a surprise, you could be like, "sooo.. I have a surprise for you, but I'm not telling you where we're going, put on some swim shorts and a tshirt and some money and get in the car ;]" haha he'l also love that and he'll find it very fun and attractive that you're taking control.
- if he comes to your house or you go to his, either bring groceries [if youre going to his house] or make sure you have all the ingredients you need [if he's coming to your house] to cook together a dinner or lunch or something [dependsing on the time] be like we're cooking ! woo :] hahaa, he'll be so stoked and it will justy take him by surprise.
Guys will see that they can be in relationships that are fun if you do fun things. Fun and creative things that is. Like going to a concert even, maybe having a picnik somewhere. But it's how you make it, he'll relaize that a relationship with you CAN be as fun as not bign in a relationship and having sex with random girls. hahaa. You just gotta prove it.
Good luck and have fun ! :] hope I helped, and if you need anything else, feel free to inbox me :] I'm always here for youu, so keep me updated ! hahaa. xxo.
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I know and understand that you miss him, but he's telling you directly how he feels. He's openly saying that he wants to just have fun right now. I don't want you to get hurt and I'm not sure that right now would be the best time to pursue a relationship with him. When someone is blatantly saying to you that they can't be in a relationship with you, they're saying it for a reason, ya know? You need to think about how a relationship with him right now would go and think of the possibility of him cheating on you if you do date. I'm not saying he would do that, but it sounds like he really just wants to mess around right, and because your feelings are involved, that's not something you need or can probably deal with.
But, I understand that you still miss him a lot, so if you decide to take the risk, here's what I would do: You'll have to be willing to give him the space and time that he needs. Even if you're dating, it probably won't be like it was before because he's not ready to be 100% tied down right now. It's really good that he wants to go on vacation with you, because that will be time for you two to spend away together. I'm sure you'll talk more on vacation and it might spark those feelings of wanting to be back in a relationship in him.
I hope he can go, but until then, I would try not to mention dating too much. The vacation will be a perfect time to be alone together. That alone will be better than talking on the phone about it right now. You don't want to push him away by being too aggressive. You've laid your cards out on the table. He knows that you like him and that's all you can do for right now.
But, there are ways to show him that it's possible to be in a relationship and have fun at the same time. The best way to do that is to have fun with him! If he can go on vacation with you, that will be the perfect opportunity to do some fun, adventurous things with him. Parasailing, scuba diving, boating, and anything else that pertains to the area you're vacationing would be a good way to show him that you can have that fun, adventurous side and still be with someone.
I think what happens a lot of times in relationships is that near the end, the people fight so much that it's hard to picture being able to have fun together without nagging or being on each other's case all the time. So make sure that you don't bicker with him or nag at him about things, unless of course, he's really doing something wrong.
If he sees that you're willing to give him space and not argue with him and that you're still the fun person you were during the peak of your relationship, he'll probably be more willing to consider resparking a relationship.
Keep in mind, if it comes down to him wanting to have sex with random girls more than being in a committed relationship with you, you'll have to move on. If that's the case, it just means that you're at different places in your life right now, and you deserve to have someone that is ready for a more mature, serious relationship.
But there's no need to worry about that much now, just something to keep in mind. For now, just keep talking and being friendly with him, but try to keep it semi-light. That doesn't mean that if something is really nagging at your mind, you shouldn't ask it; but it's probably best to keep things less serious right now.
Good luck,
Darby(:
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How can you make him see that he can have fun? That starts with actually having fun when you hang out.
The relationship part is tricky, and I really don't know how to convince someone that they should be in a relationship with you, mayhaps that comes with showing him that you two can have fun together.
Thanks for inboxing.
--Jack
(17/m)
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its not problem.. =)
okay so everything he said was great,he still has feelings for you thats what you wanted and you got him thinking of all the good times which is what you set out for and having fun remember just concentrating on that and not the relaitionship end of things?
you cant make him see,he will figure it out for himself trust me youve done all you can do at this stage and its worked out really well.
you cant pressure him into the relationship again you just have to respect what hes saying and let him realise that he really wants to be with you again.
Just make it clear to him that your not out to be taken for a ride..meaning your not gonna be a "friend with benefits" type if you get me.
I dont think theese are his intentions hes just still confused but if they ever become his intentions set him straight right away.
its great he wants to go on the vacations and hopefully he can.
if he does keep on hanging out having fun but bring it up descretly say that being in a relationship doesnt have to be stressful if its what you both want,and that he can't just ignore good feelings. =)
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