I'm not here to tell you what to think or do, but to give you as much honest, accurate information as possible. If I don't know an answer to a specific question, I'll research it before replying. I won't sugarcoat things; my job is to tell it like it is.
I've got a particular interest in sexual health and sexuality. I know a lot about fertility and pregnancy - and firsthand now, as I've just had twins. I'm also an accredited sexual health worker.
Gender: Female
Occupation: Counsellor, writer, mother of twins.
Age: 31
Member Since: August 9, 2004
Answers: 1493
Last Update: November 5, 2009
Visitors: 172968
Main Categories:
General Sex Questions
Random Weirdos
Mental health
View All
|
| |
|
ok, so i had this party at my house the other night and there was alot of like 21 year olds there. and i started talkin to this one guy, i talked to him for like 5 hours! hes awsome! hes 21 and im 13, and i know nothing seriouse coould ever happen but theres just something about him. i mean he works at ym dads work and everytime i go to my dads work i want to see him. i have a crush on him ya know, but is it ok to have a crush on someone 8 years older then you? (link)
|
Crushes happen - older guys, movie stars, people you see around school and have never talked to. They can be fun and harmless, but they can also hurt.
There's a quote I read once which said, 'Crushes aren't easy - if they were any less painful, they'd be called something else.'
Focusing all your attention on someone with whom a relationship would be lopsided (emotionally, physically, developmentally, maturity-wise, etc) can blind you from seeing guys your own age who could be completely cool and genuine.
I think the next time you throw a party you should invite more people your own age - they are going through the same things as you, and will be at the same stages throughout middle school, high school, and beyond.
|
Hello, im 17 years old and i grew up with 3 friends since pre-school. We are soo close. But 2 out of the 3 are racists. I never really cared because they didnt say anything around me. Then i started dating an African-American. And they are saying things about me and my boyfriend. I love them and i have grown up with them but i love my boyfriend ALOT too.. he means alot to me. Now im stuck in the middle between my bestfriends and my boyfriend. What i am i going to do? Thank You.
Sincerely,
stuck so deeply (link)
|
This is a rough situation to be in; you're trapped between people you care about. It might help to step back mentally from the situation a little - does racism make you uncomfortable and angry? If our friends make racist comments, do you regularly stand up to them?
If they were used to you accepting them (and their comments), then they're probably surpised and confused that you are dating a black guy.
You and I both know that racism is unfair and often a sign of a lack of knowledge and experience. You need to sit down with your friends and tell them how much you are about them - and that's why you're so hurt by their attitudes and comments.
Explain how you feel, and if they are receptive, then be consistent - anytime they make a comment, remind them how you feel. Eventually, you could start spending time with them AND your boyfriend; it's hard to be prejudiced against someone with a name, face, and personality.
If your friends continue to make comments which they know hurt you, it might be work rethinking your friendships. There are plently of people who are educated about diversity & happy to accept people of all different backgrounds.
Stand up for yourself.
|
|
Okay,my friends bf told my friend that he made a "uh oh".And he went to his ex-girlfriends house last night and they had sex and like he said that he made her pregnant.And my friend is really pissed cuz he cheated on her and she is also not really believeign that he made her preg. Cuz like how long does it take to know if you got someone pregnant?Well thx for the advice.BYE (link)
|
First, your friend is right to be angry. People deserve to be in relationships with partners who will be committed, honest, and respectful.
Next, there is no way to know if if your friend's boyfriend has made his ex pregnant - at least not this early on. The fact that he thinks he could means he's probably had unprotected sex; whether his ex is pregnant or not, he could have contracted or passed on a sexually transmitted disease.
So, this guy is both emotionally and physically irresponsible; I'd tell you friend that she deserves more from a boyfriend, and I'd be there to support her through these tough times.
|
|
is it alright to wear a tampon during cheer practice?...are tampons supposed to stick out like 2 centimeters?...and well i was @ cheer practice, and we were doin jumping jacks..and after wards..i didnt fil it in me any more!..and i found out that i was juss layin in my panties!..can u help?! (link)
|
Okay. You know how a tampon applicator is two parts - the top which you insert, and the bottom which you push in? The bottom of the inserting part should have ridges; pinch those with your fingers while you gently push the applicator in. When you finger bump up against your vagina, then push in the plunger.
When a tampon is correctly inserting, you shouldn't be able to feel it. It also cannot fall out, as your vaginal muscles will hold it in. If you can feel the tampon, hold the string with one hand and gentle use one finger to push it futher inside of you.
Tampons are tricky, but with practice you'll get the hang of them. Take your time when you're inserting them, make sure they are fully inserted - only the string should hang out, and change them regularly.
|
I am a 15 year old female, and i have been having a lot of sex in the past two years. Im not pregnant but i havent had my period in 2 months i have been throwing up in the morning. Im not sure i dont want to tell my mom but i don't know what to do PLEASE HELP!
(link)
|
How do you know you are not pregnant? The lack of a period and the morning sickness suggest that you might be pregnant. The best thing to do is buy an over-the-counter pregnancy test.
Read the instructions carefully and follow them. Within minutes, you can have an unofficial decision about whether or not you are pregnant. It's important to find this out as soon as possible - if you are pregnant, you'll need to adjust to the situation. This includes seeing a doctor, telling your mother, and planning for your future.
If the test turns out negative, you'll need to see a doctor anyway. Missing periods and vomiting every day is not normal; you'll need a health care professional to evaluate you and figure out how to make you better.
If you aren't pregnant, and the doctor gets your body back on track, then it's important to make decisions about birth control. You'll need to see a gyno (once you start having sex or turn 18), and she/he can help you decide which method of birth control is best for you. Remember - it's not just for pregnancy, but to reduce the chances of getting an STD as well.
|
I'm 16 and i know im pregnant. Im starting to gain weight, my family has a good reputation,like no pregnancies below 20 i dont know how to tell my mom what should i do
(link)
|
Well, I would say that this isn't about reputation - it's about your unborn child. I realize it can be difficult to tell your mom, but she is probably in the best position to help you.
If you are concerned about her reaction, I'd suggest talking to another family member (aunt? uncle?) and asking them to be with you when you speak to your mom. You should expect some of reaction - think about how you felt when you found out; your mom will likely feel similarly.
You need to tell someone so that if you decide to have the child, you can arrange to attend pre-natal classes, get healthcare, and also get the emotional support you're going to need over the coming months and years.
You'll have to tell her eventually - or your stomach will do it for you - and I'd say the sooner the better. Feel free to email me if you have more questions or just want to talk to somebody.
|
i dont know wat to do. It seems like everything is falling apart. I jus feel like everyone hates me for sum reason. I used to be friends with one of the most popular kids in the whole grade, but she hardly talks to me anymore. She says i've changed, alotta people say that. Is there anythin i cud do to make them stop hating me?
p.s.wen i stopped trying to fit in and actually started being myself, people started talking to me WAY more then they did b4.) PLease dont delete this. Thank u!!! (link)
|
You answered your own question! When you started being yourself, people wanted to be around you more. People are attracted to those who are confident and happy in themselves.
You may have changed or your friends may have changed - that's something that just happens as people get older. It's nothing which can be helped; sometimes people just grow in different directions.
I think the best thing to do is to continue to be the 'you' that you like best - wearing/acting/being whatever makes you most comfortable and happy. Soon, you'll find people who share your attitudes and end up with friends who care more about you than their own reputations.
|
|
Hey i have only gotten my period 2wice and usually get my period for 7 days and this time it is stopping today and its the 3rd day!what is happening? (link)
|
It's very common for the menstrual cycle to be really irregular when you first get it - some people get it every 28 days like clockwork, some people only get it every few months.
It's not only when you get your period that's inconsistent, but how long it lasts. You might bleed for 5 days straight, or stop suddenly one day only to start back up again that night.
It's completely normal and nothing to worry about, but if you have severe cramping or bloodshed, then go see a doctor. And as with any medical worry - if you're concerned, it's best to see a professional that can set your mind at rest.
|
|
I'm going to be a junior in high school and I have no idea what I want to major in, where I want to go, or even what I really want in a college. How can I start narrowing down the search and decide where I want to apply?? (link)
|
Junior year in high school is when the pressure can really build up - suddenly, all anyone talks about is college, you'll probably start applying to schools soon, and your teachers will be stressing the importance of your grades.
The key thing to remember is that you don't have to make every decision now. Most people go into college without a declared major, and those who DO pick a major beforehand often change majors by the time they graduate.
I think one of the best ways to get to know colleges is by visiting them and getting a feel for the place. Ask the college to set you up for a weekend visit, and they'll pair you with a student. Or just go for the day and observe - ask people how they feel about the school, sit in on a class, walk around campus. Seeing places in person will give you a much more accurate idea than the brochures which are probably flooding your mailbox.
College will be a fun time of life when you'll learn a lot about yourself and the world; if you're getting stressed, talk to your friends...they'll relate. Bottom line, pick a place you feel suits you - small/large, private/public, city/country - and the rest will follow.
Good luck.
|
|
hey, i am a guest and i saw you answer a lot of sex questions so could you please answer mine? i spent the night at my friend's house last night. she is bi and i'm straight. well we both took showers and she has a big water bed so we shared it. and we both masturbate a lot and are open about it, and i don't know why but she started doing it. so i was kinda bored anyway so so did i. well she likes to rub her breasts when she does it so she took her shirt off, and started rubbing them. so she said it felt good and that is hould do it too. so i did. and so i was rubbing and fingering and then she reaches over and she starts to rub my vagina, and it felt really good but i got kinda embarassed. she took my finger out and started to finger me and then we did a lot of stuff. like 69 and i fingered her and ate her out, and it was so amazing and i loved it. but i don't have feelings for any girls, i don't think they're sexy, and i don't like lesbian porn. but i do like guys, and straight porn and everything, so why did i like it so much last night? (btw we are both 14) (link)
|
Whatever your sexuality, sex can feel good. If you were with someone you trust and turned on, it wouldn't make a difference if that person were male or female.
I would be open to the possibility of you being bi or lesbian, but it's equally likely that you're straight. Only you know what you really enjoy & who you are attracted to, and sexuality is a very fluid thing.
The only physical thing I would be concerned about here is whether or not you might have contracted an STD from your friend. Emotionally, it might make your friendship awkward, especially if your friend ends up wanting a relationship you don't want to pursue.
Basically, I don't think you have anything to worry about. I don't think this makes you gay, but if you WERE gay there'd be nothing wrong with it. It sounds like experimentation between two friends, which is probably a lot more common than anyone would imagine.
|
|
can you get an orgasm from a guy fingering you? or just sex? (link)
| |
Orgasms come, basically, from clitoral stimulation. Many females have a hard time orgasming from penetration alone, whether that is a finger or a penis.
|
|
sry this isn't a question, but i wanted to let you know that i randomly found your advice column and i think that you give really good advice! you seem to put a lot of thought/time into your answers, and i'm sure you help tons of ppl...just thought someone should tell ya that! lol (link)
| |
Thanks very much. I do try to give answers which are as helpful as possible, and I hope I DO help.
|
|
I just started using tampons. And when i wear them they hurt like heck. Did i not have it in all the way or what? please help! (link)
|
First, you'll want to make sure you are wearing mini-tampons if you're just starting - they won't hurt a vagina that's not used to tampons as much.
Next, you shouldn't be able to feel a tampon when it is inside of you. If you can feel it, then you'll need to push it in further. You can do this by holding onto the string with one hand (so you don't accidentally push it in your vagina), and using one finger on your other hand to gently push the tampon in further.
When you are inserting the tampon, make sure the top end is all the way in your vagina - right up to where the plunger part starts, before pushing it in.
If the pain comes from the tampon actually entering your vagina, ask your mother if she can buy you some water-based lubricant to help the tampon slide in.
Good luck.
|
|
i have a hight fever and have been bleeding with pain and i'm not menistrating. (link)
|
You need to see a doctor. You could be experiening a freak period, a miscarriage, or any one of a variety of things.
A fever could indicate you have an infection of some kind.
Pain, blood, and fevers are not signs that you are healthy. Get to your gyno's office and have her/him check you out. You don't want to risk your health.
You doctor can figure out what's wrong, what caused the problem, and possibly help you to avoid it in the future.
|
|
im a 15 year old guy. since i was 7 i wanted a serious relationship where id meet a girl in high school and marry her. now im in high school. i met a girl. and id love to marry her. but she doesnt like to think about commiting. i dont know what to do about. how to approach it. i wanna know if it can work between us, i wanna know if she could love me like i love her, eventally to the point where id be with her forever... (link)
|
Yes. One day, you will find someone who wants to marry you.
Before you can get to the point of thinking about marriage - or having a fulfilling marriage - you need to want to be with someone because you love them, not because you love the idea of marriage.
Honestly, you are not going to marry this girl. I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but at 15 you are not in a position mentally, emotionally, or financially to be able to make a success of marriage.
I'd spend the next ten years of your life exploring yourself and the people you date - figure out why you so badly want to get married. Did something happen in your childhood such as your parents getting divorced?
Marriage is not a solution to a problem; marriage is wonderful, but it can bring along problems you have never imagined. Your girlfriend is smart to not want to be thinking about committing to marriage at this point in her life - if you want your relationship to succeed, focus on the healthy parts of it.
If you push for too much, too soon, you'll have nothing left to show for it. You've got so much you need to do before you can have a good marriage - finishing school, going to college, getting a good job, exploring the world. If you get married too young, you won't be able to find your true self. And if a lesser version of you gets married, it's not fair to you OR the girl involved.
I promise that one day you will find love, happiness, and all your wildest dreams. But for now, focus on being a teenager.
|
|
How much will I bleed the first time I have sex.. when my cherry gets popped? (link)
|
You could only leave a few spots of blood on the bed, or you could bleed enough to need a pad afterwards.
The amount of blood can vary tremendously, but things to remember - if the blood does not stop within a day or so, or if the bleeding is severe, you'll want to go see a doctor.
You'll also want to make SURE you use a condom - whether you get on birth control first or not - because the tiny tears in your vagina will make it much easier for you to contract an STD.
|
|
Wow im so sorry in advanced for this being so so long!But i think i really need to tell someone.Ok here it goes.Im 16 and I've only had sex once.I have never been fingered or eaten out.Anyways i was at school and my math class teacher said he could tutor me.I thought he was a nice guy so i said ok thanks.He invited me to his house on last saturday morning to study.I agreed and drove to his house.Once i got in he decided to show me around his house.When we got to the bedroom he said "so what do you want...to do?".He moved up closer to me and our bodies were touching.I said uhm I think we should study now.He pushed me on the bed and said ok lets study.He handcuffed my hands and legs to the bed and put layers of ducktape on my mouth.I tried to get out but it was impossible!Then he took off his clothes and cut off mine.Then he fingered me and gave me my 2nd orgasm which was incredible.Then he ate me out and then he had sex with me.Then after about 2 hours(im guessing) of this going on he uncuffed me and took the ducktape off.I should have ran but i didn't.I stayed and we 69ed and alot mroe.It felt so good.I dont think i could have had more orgasms in one day.Around 6'o clock PM he let me go because someone might have worried about me.He invited me to "study" with him again.I said yes so he would let me go.On Monday when i went back to school and math class he kissed me in front of EVERYONE!!Then what made it even worse was i had a orgasm in his class.Im supposed to go to his house to spend the night with him tonight at 6.What should i do because i think i liked it.I need help FAST!!His coming in about a hour! (link)
|
If someone touches you repeatedly, it will probably feel good and you could orgasm. That does not make it right.
You're 16. You are his student.
He put duct tape on your mouth after you refused sex, and then proceeded to have sex with you. It doesn't matter if it felt good - it was rape.
After the initial bout, it's true that you agreed to participate. That does not change the fact that this is child abuse.
I have a hard time believing he would kiss you in front of people in class - most child abusers want to keep it a secret. Under no circumstances should you go back to his house.
You need to tell your parents, your principal, or your doctor what has happened. If he's abused you, he will abuse others.
This is not a healthy relationship - he has some mental issues if he is pursuing sex with teenagers. You need to protect yourself - body and mind - by stopping this NOW and telling someone what happened so he cannot do it to others.
Orgasm or not, this is unhealthy and sexual abuse. Be strong.
|
|
my mom's boyfriend slept over the other night and one morning i woke up early to my mom closing my door and then a few minutes later i heard her moaning continuesly. it was so nasty and i knew i couldnt move or else she would know that i heard everything, so i had to sit there and listen. it's so disgusting but i dont know if i should tell her what i heard or just keep it a secret? i have no idea what would be best and what would make me feel better. what should i do? (link)
|
Well, I don't know what will make you feel better. If I were in your shoes, I'd probably start sleeping with my door closed - and possibly with a CD playing quietly.
I think it could also be helpful to let your mom know you heard - it might be embarassing for both of you, but at least she'll keep her moans down in future!
|
|
okay i'm a teenager and i have arthritis..i got it when i was 8 years old..i've seen doctors and they can't stop it completely! i have it in my left knee..right knee..and in both wrists. sometimes it bothers me n sometimes it doesnt..any advice for treatments when it starts hurting? i rate realli high! (link)
|
There are lots of things you can do for arthitis. Some homeopathic treatments include eating cherries every day, taking cod liver oil pills (these have been tested medically and proven to work - they help me!), and just gently exercising every day. The thing about arthitis is that you've got to continue taking care of yourself even on days it doesn't hurt - it's about being preventative.
Of course, there is also ibuprofen, which can help reduce swelling. If the pain ever gets incredibly bad, there are a number of medications - and even surgical options when you are older - which your doctor can tell you about.
|
|
what should you do when you are feeling pressured into sex when your not readi? (link)
|
Tell the person that is pressuring you that you are not ready; if they don't understand that and continue to pressure you anyway, or stop talking to you, then you can be doubly happy you stood up for yourself.
The other option is simply to remove yourself from the situation; you've got to wait until you're ready.
Sex is such a big emotional and physical commitment; even people in longterm relationships can regret having sex. My first relationship fell apart after we started (and then stopped, as we realized we couldn't deal with all the pressure) having sex.
Take your time. Know your limits. Stand up for yourself.
|
|