Dear Readers:
I think my life experience is what qualifies me to write this column. I made every mistake imaginable. But have learned from them. Most important I still remember what it was like to be 12, 13, 14, 15, and so on. Currently I am a single mom, I have two wonderful boys. One in college. We are all happy emotionally. We love life, and know that you can too. I try to be the kind of parent that understands. I know that I can help you to understand where you parents are coming from, and help you get over the difficulties of being young. You can even have your parents write to me and I will help them to get over their fears and at least respect you and your feelings. I have been married and divorced twice, so I have experience in that field also. But now I own my own home, and my own business and am successful. Lots of luck to you! Hope to hear from you.
Website: Ask Michele
E-mail: cobweb2@comcast.net
Gender: Female
Location: Connecticut
Occupation: accountant, internet marketing, creative writing
Age: 56
Member Since: March 22, 2005
Answers: 1331
Last Update: June 20, 2010
Visitors: 84167
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ok, there's this girl, i'm not really 'friends' with her but i act like it because she is shy and not a lot of people can stand how shy she is...anyways, at lunch yesterday her chicken sandwich wasnt cooked properly and she started telling me to bring it up for her. so i said 'no, it's yours, i'm eating my lunch, you gotta do some things on your own' was i right? because she always wants someone to do things for her....like take out her trash go to the bathroom with her...i'm sick of her being so dependent on others. (link)
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You did the right thing. But without therapy or encouragement from the right persons, she may never change. That is very sad to go through life afraid of everything, never standing up for yourself. Perfect type of girl to end up being abused by her boyfriends. You could help by next time tell her, that no, you can do that yourself, I know you can. You are smart enough to handle that.
It would really be an act of kindness that may help her more in the long run.
Michele
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well my boyfriend of 9 months broke up with me a little over a week ago but he asked me back out as soon as possible. now we are doing really good and back to the way we were. he tells me he loves me and everything and doesn't want to break up with me again, but before he broke up with me he promised he wouldn't do it, but he did! i understand it was a mistake and he regrets it, but the point is...HE DID IT! well, every now and then i start feeling really sad and depressed and i don't think he loves me. and he has changed a little, but i don't know if it's just me or if he really did. i just don't feel the same anymore and i get REALLY sad and i love him so much. i don't want to loose him... why am i feeling like that when we are doing good, and what should i do? (link)
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This is a trust issue. He made a promise and didn't keep it. While you agreed to go back out with him, it is normal for you to have doubts. Only time will tell. Mutual trust is required in a loving relationship. But it takes time to gain each others trust even in the best of conditions. He violated your trust so it will take time for you to feel like you did before. Give it some time....and if all goes well, you will begin to relax. If he does it again though......it is not likely that the trust issue will ever be resolved again. Love is grand, but trust is most important. When you look at older couples, who have been together for a long time, believe me,they fall in and out of love with each other because day to day issues intefere, but they still trust each other to be there for each other always.
Michele
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I have very dry skin and I was wondering if anyone knew of a really good body scrub that is fragrance free?? I have very sensitive skin and I can't use anything that has ANY kind of fragrance!! Thanks!! :) (link)
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I am an esthetician, skin care specilist in CT. It is best to tackle a problem like this from two sides. Inside and out. I like Lubriderm lotion, they make an unscented one for sensitive skin, that is what I use. And exfolliating twice a week is a good idea, you can use an all natural scrub, that contains no scent. You may have to go to a health store to find something that is all natural. You should also be taking supplements that will help keep your skin soft and healthy and young. Omega 3 fatty acids, found in flax seed oil, and/or fish oil. Also vitamine E and A. And of course, drink lots of water, yes I mean it. I have to force myself, but I see the difference in my skin when I do take in enough water. Avoid things that cause you to loose fluids like alcohol and caffine. Hope this helps.
Michele
yes, what you have is alled Keratosis Pilaris
here is some additional info about it:
Keratosis Pilaris (KP) is a common skin disorder, typified by “chicken skin” bumps on upper arms, thighs, torso, buttocks and occasionally the cheeks. Excess skin forms around individual hair follicles, creating the characteristic minute, rough, grater-like bumps.
It is caused by dead skin cells that do not flake off like they should. You need to use a serum or lotion that contains
Glycolic Acid (at least 12%) this will soften the skin bumps. then you need to exfolliate, and a loofa sponge is fine for that. It will take at least 30 days for you to see a noticable difference, and most likely you have have to do it for the rest of your life. Or until the condition clears up, if it will.
A good lotion for this condition should contain all these ingredients:
Glycolic Acid (12%) - Powerful skin smoothing AHA
Sodium Glycolate – Glycolic Acid salt with buffer
Green Tea – Botanical antioxidant & soothing anti-inflammatory
Urea - Humectant
Algae – Soothing botanical
Sodium Hyaluronate –Potent hydrating agent
Dimethicone – Barrier agent – reduces moisture evaporation
Search onthe web,you will find lots of skin care companies that have products that will work for you.
hope this helps.
Michele
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i got my period last month on the 9th .. i am 17 years old and dont have a set schedule yet for my period...i have had it for 3 years now yet dont have a regular schedule..anyhow, i got it last month on the 9th ..it is now the 13 and i still havent gotten it for this month...does this mean i missed it or should i give it another week or so until i start panicking? i am sexually active and there is a possibiltiy i could be pregnant, but do you think i should start worrying NOW or not yet? thank you so much in advance, ive been driving myself crazy here. (link)
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Well now it is the 14th, do you have the symptoms you usally get when your period is about to come. Why waste all this time worrying, go get yourself a pregnancy kit at the drug store and try it. If you can't afford that, then you should not be having unprotected sex, (or any sex for that matter, since nothing is 100% fool proof,) because you won't be able to afford to have a baby or even an abortion.
Michele
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So I started my spring track season pumped and ready to go in the beginning of March...then my hip started hurting me when i ran so i went to the doctor and she told me i had a growth plate problem and i would have to sit out for 4 weeks then get 7-10 days of physical therapy and i looked at the schedule and i was heartbroken but i was only gonna miss 7 meets and be back in time for one of my favorite meets for freshmen and sophomores only...well i finished my 4 weeks rest and today the physical therapy perscription came in the mail saying 2 to 3 times a week for 3 to 4 weeks....which means i would miss the entire rest of the season....i told my mom i wasnt gonna do it and shes like fine go run and i want to because my hip doesnt bother me anymore but i dont know if my coach will let me run without a doctors note saying i can...i spent an hour crying over this...sports are my life and i can't imagine not doing track, ive been to the meets ive missed to watch and i almost cried because i miss it too much..what do i do now? (link)
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Well here is my adivce, and it comes from experience. THis is just one season, please do what the doctor says. I have been incapaciated, and in great pain for four years with bursitis in my right hip. It almost ruined my life,and it is because I did not stop when I should have when I was younger. I just kept on running and training and weitht lifting, then I got married a had kids, worked for a living and kept on running and training and working out, then one day the pain came,and it has not left me since. And the doctor told me it is because I never rested. I did too much. I have spent a fortune on medications, massage, and acupunture and chiropractors and vitamins. Please give it a rest so you can be happy and healty and active your whole life, not just when you are young.
Michele
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well my dads birthday is coming up and im not sure what to get him. hes in his 40s and when we ask him what he wants he always says you dont need to get me anything. i dont want to spend alot of money and i what to get him something that is useful to him. he really likes sports and stuff. i would like to get him something at a local mall or something rather than take him somewhere because im only 15 and can't drive or anything. my max price is around $20.
please help me my dads bday is in less than 2 weeks (link)
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Here is something different and manly..... a pair of binoculars, they come in all price ranges, I am not sure if you can find a pair for $20.00, but it is worth a shot. He will be able to see better at sporting events. Up close and personal!
Michele
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Well me and my 2 other friends are going to the movies and then shopping for an hour. I dont get any pocket money so I asked my mom to give me some money so I can buy things when were shopping. And she says "No, because were running out of money" But she always says I cant buy things because were running out of money, and seriously I need proof that were running out of money. All my friends are bringing at least $50 and im going to be left out...Please help... (link)
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xoche is right, just have fun without the money. If you believe you can only have fun with money it's time to start making your own. Your mom is not having fun with her money, she's paying the bills, and by telling you that there is no money, she is preparing you for the day when you will have to tell that to your own daughter. Hopefully she will understand.
Michele
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15/f ok this is like 3 quesions but plz give me a good answer lol
1. What are signs of infection down there?
2. How can i avoid these infections?
3. What different types are there?
thanks to those who help :) (link)
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SOme additional signs are bad odor. that could be bacterial, like gonnereha. Need a doctor for that) White discharge, no ordor and very itchy, that could be yeast infection. (that you can treat without going to the doctor)
very bad stomach cramps, doubled over in pain.....bacterial infection that has gone on tooooooo long.
Chlamydia can have no signs, and you can have it for years. But it can cause sterility. Needs to be treated by a doctor.
Herpes are painful sores i and around your vagina, no cure for that, but it can be controlled, need to see a doctor.
human papiloma virus, can cause cancer, need to see a doctor, no symptoms.
All of these are contagious, you can pass them on. Boys can get any of these except yeast infection. Boys can give any of these including yeast infection, even if they don't have signs of it.
YOU NEED TO USE A CONDOM< AND YOU NEED TO SEE A DOCTOR. YOU COULD END UP STERILE OR EVEN WORSE, DEAD.
Michele
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Ok i have this friend that is like a big drinker and i try to get her to stop but it is just not working what should i do. if you can help write. M.Lee (link)
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There is this book that just came out. It is written by a young girl, She is about 21 now, but she had been drinking for a long time, she started at a young age. It is called SMASHED, and the author is Koren Zailckas. You and your friend might find it interesting. Try and get a copy, they may even have it at the library. I think that reading that book may open her eyes, and help her to realize what she is headed for.
Good for you for caring enough.
Michele
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ok... I've been having some family issues lately... like my dad & I are not gettting along, & I cannot stand my step-dad, I can barley even look @ him cos hes the reason my parents split... and my dad has 2 otehr daughers, Erin: 26 & Stacy: 32, and I'm 14, and I want to live with my mom... but I can't hurt my dad like my sisters did, they moved in with there mom, & I don't wanna hurt my dad... & then I can't stand my step-dad... I wish for my mom to divorece him... but I feel like such a bad person... & I think I am a bad person for feeling this way & I feel really bad... and I don't know what to do... and another thing thats holding me back is that my grandmother on my dad's side is 80 & shes the person who raised me... and I'm not shure if I can leave them... & my parents live only a city or 2 away from eachother, so its not that far, & same with my grandmother...
but just what should I do...? (link)
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I think you and your dad are just having some normal issues that come with the age. Teenagers and parents. Even if your parents were together, you could still be having these issues. Now the issues with the step dad. Those are different, like you said, you hate him because he came between your parents, and I don't blame you. And while you may want to live with your mom, you have no idea what it will be like to live with him and you may REALLY HATE IT< REAL FAST, and look back and realize that the problems you had with your dad are nothing compared to the problems you can have with you step dad. And when they do come, and they will, whose side will your mom be on. Yours or his. I think if it is OK where you are, you should stay. The most important thing you have to do right now is grow up and mature and become smart and independent. And then try not to make the same mistakes that they made. So you need to stay in the place that will help you do that. Maybe you can tell your dad that you love him but sometimes you feel like you need break from him. Then ask him if he feels like that sometimes too, and ask him what he thinks the two of you could do about it. And if you haven't told him yet, tell him that you hate that that guy broke up his marriage and your family. (and you have a right to feel that way, you did not ask for it, afterall, you expected to grow up in an intact family. As far as I am concerned both your parents owe you and should be real careful to think about you first and not themselves and their own needs.
HOpe this helps
Michele
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I attend an adult ed. program at night. I'm 19, female, and I really (really) like one of my (older,he's 31)teachers. It drives me insane to bottle all of it up inside. My friends say I'm crazy but he does little things to make me wonder, certain things he'll say or the way he'll look at me. Basically I pass his class no matter what, he never expects me to do the work, and I've had people that had no idea say that he was seriously checking me out. Should I try to talk to him, or wait until he's not my teacher anymore. Would it be so morally wrong of me to approach him about it seeing as he's my teacher? I don't know for sure what he feels but I know what I do, and I can't keep a secret anymore. (link)
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OK, you won't like this answer but you will remember my advice, hopefully, not when it is too late. He is too old for you, you have very little in common, except a physical attraction which is NORMAL, but if he has any morals or values, he should stay away, and believe me he knows that he should stay away. I don't know if he is married, God, I hope not, that would just make it worse, but you didn't mention it. If you start a relationship, now or when school is over, believe me, he will be embarassed to be seen with you in public. His friends will tease him about your age, he family will ask him "what are you thinking!?!?!?!?!".
Here is the other thing, when the two of you are not in bed, what will do you, what do you have in common, it is not likely that you even like the same music. He can go out to bars with his friends, you are not old enough to go. Like I said, it is normal to be attracted, I am sure that he is handsome and smart and his interest in you makes you feel older and special. But when he was your age, he was a jerk too, just like the boys your age are now. They will get better with time. Men mature later than women. You will be sorry if you persue this. I don't want to spoil your fun, I just want to protect you from heart ache. He can never have more than a brief phyisical relationship with you. His family and friends would never let him live it down. If you go to bed with him, he will soon dump you, and then where will you be....like Monica Lewinski.
HOpe this helps. I know my advice is corny, but I have been there
Michele
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I know this may offend advicenators, but I've been looking for other advice columns to apply at, and can't find any. I love giving advice and recieving it here, but I'd really like to help other sites too, and I will link this site to it. I really am planning a career in advising people, thats how much I've fallen in love with it, so could anyone help me out with other columns to advise, or does anyone know how to make your own? I'd really love to make my own also, please help me! (link)
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Hello,
I want you to know that I publish an advice column, it goes around the www. if you email me I will tell you how it did it. you can email me at michele@personaladvicecolumn.com
Michele
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i have blackheads and i dunno what to do!..i use clean and clear, phisoderm and they both dont work! so i tried clean and clear and that didnt help either!..does anybody know how to help me?!?!?!? (link)
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try micro dermabrasion. or manual micro dermabrasion. It is small diamond shaped crystals, that slough off the top layer of skin, and get the black heads out, which are plugs of sebum and dead skin cells. L'oreal makes a microdermabrasion product. Use it twice a week or so. Use it regularly. Remember it takes 28 days for your skin to change, so give it time. I am a certified esthetician. (Skin care consultant) I hope this helps. PS the micro dermabrasion also minimizes pores, which you will be glad about if you have problems with blackheads, you may have larger than normal pores, and you can tell your mom that microdermabrasion erases fine lines and wrinkles and makes your skin as smooth as a baby's bottom, then she'll buy it, and you can use it!
Michele
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OK ive been on a diet for about 5 days and i have been really goo about eating no junk. I even lost 2 pounds when i went on the scale today...roblem is..im a typical overweight american : I love my junkfood..Its getting so0o hard to turn down the junk..im afraid im going to give in and ruin my diet. My weight has been fluctuating..i might be 2 lbs lighter, then maybe 1, then back to my beginning weight.
How can i keep my weight from fluctuating and how can i deal with my cravings for food?? please dont say just tough it out..because its way to hard. :/
Any other losing weight tips most appreciated...5's for helpful answers. (link)
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learn about nutrition. There are thousands of sites on the internet. When you find out how bad that junk food is for you, the least of your worries will be your weight. A poor diet full of empty calories for your whole life will cause heart attacks, colon cancer, diabetes, arthritis, osteoporosis, alzheimers, etc, etc, etc. Poor diet can cause Gastrointestinal distress and inflammation that can lead to "leaky gut syndrome" (Look that up!) which can lead to food allergies, MS, Fibromyalgia, Lupus, (just to mention a few) You are young, so your body is forgiving of the abuse you may be causing it from a poor diet, but when you are in your 40's, and realize that your lifetime eating habits have given you poor health, it will be too late to get it back. Start now.....
reading about all the bad stuff in that food will help you to avoid it. Good foods that you might still consider snacks are nuts, and dried fruit, granola, health bars. Why not start the whole family on better eating habits, so that your parents won't buy those empty calorie snacks. Anyway, what is say is true, just look it up
Hope this helps.
Michele
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hey .. i have a good friend of mine and she wants to kill herself because her and her boyfriend broke up .. and i dont know waht to say to her to make her not kill herself .. like i've said pretty much everything possible and i just dont know waht to do .. nothing i say will make her realize that hes not the only guy and all .. i really need help like asap .. !!
-- ash (link)
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All good answers, I'll add mine. Try using logic.
Tell her that suicide is a PERMANENT SOLUTION TO A TEMPORARY PROBLEM!
Hopefully I helped
Michele
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Ok well there is this girl that i go to gymnastics with and she has been coming to gym with bruises and marks all over her legs. I've asked her many times to tell me what happend and she told me 'nothing!' and i keep asking her the same question and even the coaches ask her and one time the coach asked her if she fell and she said 'yes' but then she told me she lied to him! I think her parents might have abused her because shes very quiet and timid and if u tell her not 2 tell anyone, SHE WONT!(even my dad thinks so) I'm really scared for her so please help! How can i make her tell me the truth? (link)
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You may be right that she is being abused, but she needs to feel comfortable before she can talk about it with you, or anyone. Right now, the "trouble" she would get into for talking is much more scary, than dealing with the abuse. Do you know anyone else who has been abused, that she can relate to? Someone who has successfully over come it? If you gain her trust, then I think she will open up to you, but if you are right and she is being abused by her parent(s) then she has a problem with trust. She will find it very hard to trust anyone. Try validating her feelings. Tell her that you know she is scared. You know that she feels she is to blame, (because they/he/she tell her that. And that you know she probably feels like sh*t. Tell her you will help her only if she permits it, then when she opens up to you, and you know the truth, and that she is being abused, convince her that telling about it is the best course she can take. Please be sure that you know what you are doing. People who abuse people weaker than them, are capable of anything. It may take some time, but keep at it. It is worth it. You are a good person. Don't get discouraged, but also be patient.
Michele
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Ok, I have a serious problem. I have become very suicidal because of depression, and other things that I don't want to say. I called my boyfriend one night, telling him I wanted to kill myself, he called my parents and told them. My mom was too busy with her boyfriend, so she just said, "I'll just call her dad and have him check up on her." My dad came over and just brought me food, it was very nice of him, but he didn't know what to do, I am seeing a therapist. But I know that if I told her that I felt as if I were going to attempt this, she'd get me in a hospital. So, here are my questions.
How can I get my parents to take my very depressed feelings of dying seriously?
[I tried telling my mom, my exact words were, "I seriously want to die, everyone thinks its just a phase, but I seriouly want to be dead."] I got nothing out of this. I feel like my mom could care less. And as for my dad, he thinks I'm being ridiculous, and so does my sisters.
When you are in a hospital/mental institution, what exactly happens?
I fear that I will be trapped in there screaming with everyone ignoring me. So, if anyone could tell me as much as they can please, details.
This would really help me, thank you
(link)
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Your parents are the reason that you want to die. They should certainly be paying more attention to you. They should have been for a long time now. Your mother sounds very selfish, and you father is, like you said, confused, and lost and he doesn't know what to do. I don't think you will find the answers in your parents attention. Too much time has gone by. It would not be geniune anyway. Yes they should, but you can't make them. (unfortunately) Well, honey you did not pick your parents. They should not have been parents in the first place. But then you wouldn;t be here. And you need to be here. You are here for a reason. But you are going to have to find your own answers. What if you forgot about getting your parent's attention and tried to get the attention of someone who cares about kids. I know what you are going through, I went though it myself. A teacher that I had in high school made a difference in my life. She saw something in me that she thought was worthy. She complimented me. I had never heard a compliment before. I never forgot it. And it wasn't until many years later that I realized what she had done for me. I found out that I have value, and that I have a lot to offer. I know this will sound corny, but if you could find a way to do a little volunteer work, maybe for kids or seniors, at a food bank, or something,maybe a nursing home, you will find that those people will appreciate you so much, it will make you feel better about yourself. Don't wait for your parents to wake up. If you can do this successfully, you will be stronger for it. Even stronger then they are. I know that they are "adults" so they know more than you do, but honey they don't act like adults. They don't have a clue.
I hope this helps.
Michele
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i have lots of make up,but i dont no what kind of make up to use for me,and what i should focus on.I have brown hair,brown eyes,and fair skin. My eyes are a little big. Can anyone help? (link)
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Big eyes are great to work with. But let me make a suggestion. Is there a mall near you? With a department store that sells cosmetics? You can go there for a free make up application. They will completely make up your face (using their products of course) and it is always free. Of course they want you to buy something, but they can't make you. Also Mary Kay, do you know anyone who sells Mary Kay or Avon, that is even more affordable. They should be willing to come over to your house and do a make up application. That is how I first learned many years ago.
Hope this helps.
Michele
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Okay, so my hairdresser told me an inexpensive trick to get my hair dye out. It is a semi-perminent, but it isn't washing out at all. So, she said to use dish detergent. I've heard this trick before, so I decided to do it. I've only done it once so far and obviously it didn't do anything. That's what I expected. But.. to cut to the chase.. how many times should I repeat the process without damaging my hair into a frizzy poof-ball atop my head?
Many thanks.. fives for everyone.... (link)
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Try rinsing your hair with water and baking soda. Baking soda releases chemicals that adhere to the hair folicles. The baking soda should release a lot of it, but most likely not all. Maybe enough to make it tolerable.
Michele
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i brush my retainer every day. it still ends up smelling like crap somehow.. my mom called my ortho, and they said to use the stuff that you put dentures in.. i did that, and it still smells bad! does anyone know something good that will get the nasty smell away from my retainer? (link)
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Try soaking it in water and baking soda. I once used that then my dog got sprayed by a skunk. He brought the stuff in the house. It worked very well. I also used it on some furniture that my cat urinated on. The stuff I bought at the pet store didn't work. He baking soda did.
Michele
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