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March 14, 2004Answers:
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What's up? Well, I'm sure like each and every other advice columnist is that, we all enjoy giving advice . I like to keep things real and you'll find out how real when you ask me a question . I absolutely love helping people . Hollah at me sometimes !!! Oh, and yahoo me . Goodness sakes knows that I could do with the mail.
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I have a problem with people being jealous of me. I don't know why they are - I'm not extremely beautiful or wealthy. I'm just an above average looking girl with average intelligence. I don't have a bf either, so this makes their jealously all the more perplexing.
I have a part time job with a union, and can afford to live on my own. I have an appartment I rent, a car, and a lot of nice furniture. I own about 150 CD's and 70 DVD's.
I by no means am rich, but only have myself to look after. So I can afford to spend my paychecks on what I please. I had saved up a bit and just bought a new futon and recliner. That made some of my friends REALLY jealous.
This one friend of mine makes just as much money as me but says that most of his paychecks go towards paying credit card depts. I have never had a credit card so don't have this problem. My sister is also jealous of me because she owes money to student loan payments. I never went to college so don't have this problem. Some of my other friends don't have cars, and are always saying how lucky I am to have one. But they don't relize how much money I put into it. I just paid 400 to replace the breaks. I wish I could just enjoy what I have without people feeling jealous. I earned it. What can I do, and how can I stop people from envying me?
Like you said, you earned it. YOU EARNED IT, YOU EARNED IT, AND did I mention that YOU EARNED IT. You earned your right to have all the money that you need for yourself. The guy that's paying off his credit card depts, well that's his fault not yours. He's the one that got himself into serious debt not you. His problem, he needs to deal with it. Also, your sister complaining about not having enough money to pay off her college loan. Well, since you never attended college, and since you never went there for her in her place, then how is it your problem. It's not your problem, it's hers. So, she's gotta be a big girl and deal with it. She will. She knew that higher learning was going to be expensive and she went through with it. That's the price she'll/she is paying. People are jealous for some of the stupidist things. But what you have to do is to take the time to evaluate the situation and reasoning for their jealousy. In this case, they're jealous b/c everything seems to be going good and right for you. Some people just can't stand that. They are also in predicaments that they don't want to be in at all, and they'd love to be in your place. But what YOU HAVE TO REMEMBER IS THAT IT IS NOT YOUR PROBLEM. IT'S THEIR PROBLEM BECAUSE THEY CREATED IT AND NOW THEY HAVE TO DEAL WITH IT. THEY made THEIR bed, and now THEY have to lye in it. So, ENJOY WHAT YOU HAVE RIGHTFULLY EARNED AND FORGET THE FOOLS. Their problems that they made for themselves, not yours and so not your fault. Let them deal with it and move on with your life.
My mind always fills dirty things about guys. I always fantasize about their penises like how big they have, shaved or un-shaved, fat or thin. Its about all men, young and old, known or unknown. Imagine when I talk to a man, my mind goes fantasizing about his penis, Is this sickness?
I am 15/F.
That doesn't mean that you're sick and it doesn't mean that you're disgusting. Unfortunately at this age, we dream and we imagine. That's just the way it is. It's natural so don't feel embarrassed or ashamed.
I have a male friend who is 39 and has told me that he never wants to get married or have kids. That is fine- for him. But I've told him how someday I want to be in a proper marriage and have children. Well we were talking today and I told him how a medium had read my palm several weeks ago, and told me that I would be having 3 children, (one set of fraternal twins, and a girl). Well this is what my friend said "well you better get started right away, and you'll need to find a husband".
I thought this was a very vindictive thing for him to say. I am only 27 and told him I still have a lot of time before my clock stops ticking. I have a theory on his attitude: two years ago he told me he wanted to sleep with me. I told him I was saving myself for my future husband, and that I wanted kids. This is when I found out that he never wanted to get married or have children. (not that I wanted to be with him anyways).
So my question is, does anyone else think what he said was mean? And do you think he said it to get back at me for not wanting to sleep with him?
I think he meant what he said in a hilarious joke kind of way. What you have to understand is that most men do not want children. I think the idea of having a responsibility that ties them down for the rest of thier lives frightens them. You just have to accept the fact that he doesn't want to have children and that he may only want to be with you in that way. I don't think he said it b/c you didn't sleep with him but I think he said it because it's what he meant. And why get angry with him over what he means or feels. Respect it and get over it. Hope you have a nice day.
I'm a 21 year old Female and I have a very big issue with my weight. This issue is affecting my happiness and love life. My question is how can I NOT let this affect me?
Most likely, you should try and work through this and get to work through this you should get to the root of the problem. You have to. It's the only way to get to the issue and to solve it. The only way you can stop this issue from affecting you is by doing as such. So, get to the root of the problem.Don't suppress any issues that you have and I find that you get through things easier and quicker when you write about how you feel and the things that you're experiencing. That's where you can vent whatever. So, just do that and see how far that will get you. Don't rush things b/c patience is a virtue.
Well I'm a 16 year old girl.
I usually have a huge appetite and I would eat enough for about two or three people my age but for the last month I have had no appetite at all. My friends think I'm going anorexic but I'm not. I want to eat like I used to but I'm never hungry. It has been 5 weeks since I lost my appaetite and I see no signs of it coming back soon. My friends and I are getting worried because I have now lost almost 7 pounds and I was originally at the healthy weight of 124. I don't know what to do. I talked to my counselor and she told me to go to the docotr but I just went to the docotr about three weeks ago because my throat was looking really bad and hurting. She also told me to eat healthy when I do eat and for the most part I do. When I eat I usually eat like a few bites of a sandwich or a small amount of pasta or a piece of fruit. I just don't know what to do. My friends think I might be developing an eating disorder but I don't think so.
Alright, when you're hungry. EAT. Not when you're craving something now. I mean when YOU'RE HUNGRY. On the contrary though, if you lose any other weight, I really do suggest that you go to a doctor and tell him everything that's been going on. THAT'S IF YOU LOSE ANY OTHER WEIGHT. If you don't then you're cool.
I've been having a lot of trouble this year concentrating, and my grades are definetly reflecting it. Everytime i sit down to do my homework, something distracts me so i go and do that first, or i call that person, or go talk to people online. I always feel like everything is more important then my schoool work but i know its not. I end up going to bed so late doing all these things i get distracted by. Does anyone have any suggestions that could help me concentrate on my schoolwork and not all these other little things?
I suggest that you start reminding yourself constantly what really needs to be focused on. And that will be your school work. I suggest that you repeatedly drill yourself on how school is very important for your future. Also, you should really think about how not doing your school work can severly affect your future. Think about the consequences and let those be your motivation to really channeling your focus/concentration upon your school work. Also, remind yourself, that if your friends are true friends, that they'll always be there for you through thick and thin. And real friends wouldn't make you sacrifice something so important as your school life in order to go out on the town for a night, or to stay on the phone. No, friends wouldn't do that to one another. Because friends should understand what comes from, and if they don't understand, then good riddings. Also, remind yourself that with an education comes certain sacrifices. You just have to evaluate your priorities and realize those that are the most significant and those that can wait. I'm not saying that your friends aren't important, and I'm not saying to sacrifice your life for an education. I'm simply saying that some things will always be there, and some things won't. If you look at what's more important and what comes first, then focus upon that. It's all about recognizing and confirming your priorities. Find them and let them lead you to your motivation.
i like this guy and i have only met him once idk if he still likes me but we have been talking over myspace and i just sent him a message going, i need to tell you something
the thing that i need to tell him is how i really feel.
and if he relpys being a ass should i just forget it? what do you think?
It depends on how deep your feelings are for him. But no matter, if he replies in a way that is rude, then of course that demonstrates a lack of respect for you. And you want your man to have respect for you. And don't be afraid of rejection. Just write him back and let him know politely that you understand.
This is going to seem really ridiculous, and I am sorry for asking such a stupid question. I'm too insecure for my own good sometimes, I think.
I'm meeting my boyfriend for the first time ever in 3 days time and we're picking him up at the airport really early in the morning. I want to look my best for him. I never look really good in the mornings; so I'm just wondering where there's anything I can do the night before to make sure I wake up and look and feel nice and fresh. Is there any creams or exfoliation that i should use for my skin, or anything? Should i get up early? Thanks.
You probably should get up early and decide what you'll wear the night before you go and get your boy. Also, 88% of looking nice is all about having confidence in what you wear. And I really do think that you need to freshen up a bit on the confidencde before you go to bed at night and when you wake up in the morning. Confidence is a lot , so have it and show no doubt.
i'm considering getting my nose pierced... is there anything i should keep in mind? and how bad does it hurt?
Keep in mind the place you use and go to get your nose pierced. Focus on the places reputation for good piercing and good customer service. Also, check when it comes to having good health regulations because you don't want to get any diseases from needles that aren't thoroughly cleaned because that all can be avoided. Also if you haven't already properly informed yourself about the risks and advantages of having a ear ring, then I would definitely take the time to do so. Also, inspect the stores that you think or hear that are the best when it comes to piercings. Go and see for your self.
Hi im 14 years old. And on thursday dec.7th i had sex with my boyfriend. We used a condom but it ripped. It had that stuff called spermacide on it. But im not sure if any of his sperm got in me,because there was a not big but a normal sized spot on my sheets. I just got off my period like 3 days before we had sex. Im not having any syptoms that im pregnant but im having little pains once in a while at the bottom of my stomach. Im not only scared that im pregnant but i dont know how to tell me mom && dad. They dont even know im having sex. What is the percent chance that im pregnant? and any other advise will help. Thanx alot. im so scared.
always- scared.confused.
Don't freak out ok because lets hope that you'll be freaking out for nothing. Well, you need to at least wait ten days in order to get a pregnancy test. Go see a doctor and if you don't have enough money to see a doctor, go to a clenic. I recommend a free clenic instead of going to buy a store pregnancy test because store pregnancy tests are two times riskier than the ones that doctors offer. If you know nothing whatsoever of any clenics, then I advise you to talk to a guidance counselor. They can help you with any questions that you may have about this . And you should try and find out anything that you can from a doctor or a guidance counselor. Listen and listen good. And if you're not pregnant, as I probably expect, take this as a lesson and be extremely careful the next time. And that is if it's a next time. Don't forget it because in the end, although I'm not trying to be mean or anything, it's just one of those hard lessons learned.
Ok..i like this guy we have been dating for like 2 months, today in fact, but i like this other guy..plus my boyfriend keeps talking to his ex-girlfriends, he says he likes me but i cant help thinking that somethings going on....so should i just leave him and go with another guy or should i stay with him, honestly i think someones going to get hurt either way.
First, evaluate your needs and values that you've always wanted for a relationship. Has your boyfriend taken the time to meet these needs and values of yours? Has he even showed the slightest indication that he cares about your needs and values for this particular relationship? Consider those values and needs and even those things/qualities that you always wanted in your boyfriend. Your dream guy or your dream boyfriend. Take your time. Do not rush this very much and if you feel a sort of block when thinking about this, then ponder it later. After you have evaluated your needs and your values, then try to remember if your boyfriend has met these important needs/values of yours. Evaluate the good things that you like about your boyfriend and the bad things that you maybe don't like about your boyfriend. Weigh the prospects. Does the good out do the bad? Also, consider the circumstances when it comes to the bad. Then think about the other guy. Do you think he would do well with meeting your needs/values? Yes, I think you know what I am about to say. You have to talk to him. Approach him and see the qualities that you may adore in him and the qualities that you may not adore in him. This too will take time. Don't rush anything. If he meets your needs, then go for it. But first, talk to your boyfriend about your concerns when it comes to him talking to his ex-girlfriends. Don't attack him and don't be forceful with him. Also, I find it better when couples use the " I feel" approach rather than the " you" approach. Basically saying that "I feel" a sort of way instead of saying " you shouldn't do" . So stick with the "I feel approach". And this too shall take time. All of it should take time.
I love my boyfriend to death but lately he's kinda I don't know how to say it. He's got this little mustache thingy and his hair needs cut and he doesn't wear cologne. How can I tell him about this without hurting him?
Well, to hold something back like this, would be like holding back your feelings about something that he's doing. Something that you feel and something that may possibly annoy you are significant things to verbally express in a relationship. It's what keeps the relationship honest and stable. The partner, the other partner of course, will know exactly what to expect. And that of course, will be the truth. The truth is a good thing. And don't worry, your man (a.k.a. boyfriend) is a big boy. Well, he's a grown man and I think that he can deal with it. If he doesn't, then let him know what to expect. If honesty is apart of your values for a solid foundation for a relationship, then of course practice honesty in this particular relationship. Let him know that this is you and who you are. Also, be VERY WILLING TO LISTEN TO HIS FEELINGS. LISTENING AND EMPATHY REALLY HELPS A LOT.
I know that 13-year-olds are too young to fall in love. But does that mean you can't say "I love you" to your boyfriend?
Not really. Saying "I love You" is just a way of letting them know that you really care for them. Just saying "I like you" would be treating thems just as a friend. Even if, you don't know what love is,you still care deeply for that person and it may be closer to love than you think. In my opinion, it is okay to say it. ^_^
So I am 15 years old and I am 5'3 I currently weigh 215 lbs. I would really like to be about 140 by the first of June ( you know summer time )
I work out maybe twice a week for about an hour at a time. I don't drink and pop at all and I replace school lunch with a salad. Is there anyway possible to loose 60-75 lbs in 6 months? I would even be satisfied with 50. I really want this. I work alot and don't have alot of time for working out for such. And I have alot of dairy in my regular diet. I rate 5's!! please I would really appresheate all your help.
Please just make sure that you are doing the right kind of work out. If you work out before you eat, you lose weight, but if you workout after you eat, you'll gain weight. Plus, the type of work out makes a difference. Strength training makes a difference. Not body building. That's what I think.
i don't know how it happens, but every time i'm close friends with guys, they get a crush on me. does this always happen to everybody or am i just doing somthing wrong? how am i supposed to act in order to eliminate this possibility?
Act the way as you should. It ain't you it's them. That's their problem if they have one, and that's for them to figure out. Continue with your life. Live it.
i've been with my boyfriend for over a month and he still hasn't kissed me? i'm his first real girlfriend so i don't think he's ever kissed anyone before. he also still has braces and he's really insecure about them. he desperately wants to get them off and talks about it all the time. do you think maybe he could be waiting for that to happen? that would suck. how can i hint that i want him to kiss me without coming right out and saying it (that would be weird!)?
Girl, go for what you want. If you wait on a man in this day and age, you'll get nothing what you want.
Theres a man who is married that me and my best friend are friends with and I feel he has been acting inappropriatley with us. He winks at me when his wife isnt looking and I've caught him staring at my chest. This one time he invited me and my other friend over when his wife was at work and he started offering us both wine. Then he said 'lets play strip poker". We both looked shocked at him and he started laughing and said he was joking but the fact that he said it made me a little uncomfortable. I also found out that he confides in my other friend about his marriage and all his problems with his wife. According to my friend he tells her that his wife is stupid and that he hates her kids.
Does anyone else think this is strange behavior for a married man?
Let me go ahead and tell you, this isn't strange behavior for a marriage man. I see it all the time because the males that are husbands(that are of course having marrital problems) like to talk and do things. And it sort of depends on how deep the problems are in their marriage, and thier values of course, to cause them to be with another woman. So if you want to know the absolute truth, confront him and ask him what's up and tell him how you feel. Or stay away from him. If he makes you uncomfortable, then you need to stay away from him.
I was on Depo provera for 4 years - I stopped getting my shots about 8 months ago. I was having a period every 5 days for 3 days length. I had unprotected sex twice while I was on a "period" they have now stopped it has been 3 weeks since I have bled at all. My nipples are slightly sensitive but they have not darkened like they did when I was pregnant before. Is there a chance I could be pregnant? If so I would only be a couple of weeks pregnant , would symptoms be starting already?
Morning symptoms, temper tantrums, mood swings. Go to the doctor so you'll know the absolute truth.
Okay, im only 14 and i wanna have a baby SO bad. My parents dont really love me((ive been told)) so i think this would help me alot. i've babysat for YEARS and LOVE children. I wanna feel loved when i come home and a baby would do that, and i think teen moms are closer to their kids. I plan on gettin pregnant in 10th or 11th grade.Am i making a mistake by wanting to do this.
Girl, let me tell you something. You are making a really big mistake! See, babysitting children does NOT give you the experience you need to raise a child. You have not been through having to get a job, dealing with sitting up all night to check on the baby, oh, and the fact that this will kill any academic dreams you may have. You should definitely wait to have a baby. You need money to cover living expenses and that will take up too much of your education that you need to get. And, without a high school diploma, you won't have the right education to get the right job that pays really good per year. And it's not about you anymore when you have a baby because it's all/ everything is about that baby. You may like children but there's a difference when raising your own. When you have a baby, you have to think about what that baby needs because that baby is a life. A precious life is what that baby is and that baby's needs comes first. Girl, I hate to put it to you, but you're a baby yourself. Kids having kids. You're not ready yet.
Plus, the boys your age, or any age for that matter, are not going to stick around when they find out you are pregnant, they are gone! That's just the honest truth, and trust me, you do not want to be in that position. Boys when they are teenagers are not mature enough to handle raising a baby. Even if he plans to stay with you, I'm telling you, you just aint ready.
I'm 25 shes 19, known each other for 3yrs. Get on really well always laughing and flifting etc, lately shes split with her ex. We've done stuff before but no sex which is fine thats not the initial aim here, spent fair bit of time together recently, few kisses etc but then thats it. I'm sure she knows I really like her and she must like me too, but I fear if I lay it on the line with her she may clam up but if not then she'l certainly find someone eles soon, annoying thing is I'm a great guy and definately have qualities her ex's didn't she knows that too. (not meant to sound big headed). Which way should I go? We also work together so I always know when she's seeing someone and I think thats gonna start to do my head in, and if she isn't interested why is she leading me on!? Help please!
First of all, you really do need to slow down because I think right now that you're just going a bit too fast. And when you go so fast, you become overwhelmed and insecure and doubtful. I want you to feel and think positive, but I want you to be prepared for the possibility that she may not want to go out with you. Always prepare yourself for it and I mean really prepare yourself for it. First, approach her. Ask her in a calm, steady, and slow voice. Ask her and tell her what you feel. And look her in the eye and tell her how you've been feeling for the past three years that you've known her. And if you can mention it in some sort of way, say that you'll treat her right. Oh and tell her that you'll understand that if she doesn't want to go out with you; even if you don't understand it because it's a good thing to assure her. But you know, I think you have a good chance and I think you should go for it. And IF she does reject you, then that's her loss not yours. She'll get over it and with time, you'll get over it. Don't let fear stop you, this is an amazing opportunity. Don't miss out on it.