I'm not here to tell you what to think or do, but to give you as much honest, accurate information as possible. If I don't know an answer to a specific question, I'll research it before replying. I won't sugarcoat things; my job is to tell it like it is.
I've got a particular interest in sexual health and sexuality. I know a lot about fertility and pregnancy - and firsthand now, as I've just had twins. I'm also an accredited sexual health worker.
Gender: Female
Occupation: Counsellor, writer, mother of twins.
Age: 31
Member Since: August 9, 2004
Answers: 1493
Last Update: November 5, 2009
Visitors: 172990
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okay..im a wee bit embarrased to ask about this...butt...i have never had a period before,and today when i went to wipe, there was a LOT of blood on the TP. so then i put on a pad, thinking i knew what was going on. then about an hour later, i went potty and there was no blood in the pad. then, i wiped again, and blood on the tp. so then i decided to put in a tampon, and about 1.5 hours later, i took it out, and there was brown stuff and blood all over it, then i put in a pad again. and i waited, and there still was no blood.
is anything wrong with me..
btw..13/f (link)
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You're fine. If your period isn't that strong and you are wiping, you're simply getting rid of the blood before it would hit the pad. The same thing is true of the tampon - blood is going to most quickly hit the tampon, and then wiping, and THEN a pad.
There's nothing wrong with you - especially as this is the first day of your first ever period. Most periods are pretty light for the first few hours. So, nothing wrong with you, and congrats!
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i've been getting my period since april 04 and i got it on the 24th for april may june july and august. i didnt get it september but octor 2nd. now its november 5th and i still didnt get it. this is really messed up! what do i do because i dont know when to expect it and i'm sick of wearing dark jeans all the time. thx-very self conscious (link)
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First, it's normal for your period to be a bit irregular for the first few years. If you become truly concerned about, go see a doctor!
As for the dark jeans thing, I've got a solution. Why not get some panty liners? If you did start your period, the panty liner would probably work just fine until you got into the bathroom. Have some pads/tampons in your bag or locker, but just wear a single panty liner while at school.
You won't have to worry about your clothes or period with that added bit of protection.
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i took this test on the internet because i have always thought i had add. i've never told anyone this b4 though so i was a little scared when i was takeing the test. im only 13 years old and it said if u chose 8 or more out of 20 of the questions then u are highly too have add. well i got 10/20 and i dont know if i should tell my mom what should i do?
(link)
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Yes, let your mom know. You haven't done anything bad; ADD is a fairly common thing that you have no control over.
Once you get to a doctor and are properly diagnosed, you CAN get some control. You're obviouly concerned about yourself and are wanting to do something about it - good for you.
Your doctor could recommend medication or not...either way, you've taken a positive step towards looking after yourself. Your mom will be happy you feel responsible for your thoughts/actions.
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My mom says I may have mono! What is mono and how can i cure it?! I am going to the doctor's today! And i'm a singer and I have aperformance next week do u think i will be able to perform by then or not?? (link)
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Mono is a sickness which manifests itself in different ways, but mainly by extreme tiredness. There is no cure except rest.
Some people get really sore throats, and your doctor can give you medication to clear up those sorts of problems. But the mono itself? Sleep, sleep, and more sleep.
Some people are off from school or work for six months, others for just a week. Your doctor is the only person who can tell you what you, specifically, can expect.
Best wishes.
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my parents get mad at me whenever i say something about religion that doesnt agree with their views. they tell me im to young to have an opinion about that kind of stuff. and i do. and im not that good at communicating. so should i just tell them that i believe in god? even though i have doubts?
thanks. (link)
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You're a person. It doesn't matter if you are 12 or 42, you have a right to be confused, have opinions, and share them with others.
Just because you think differently than your parents is not grounds for them to tell you you're wrong. They just don't see things from your perspective - and good thing. This world would be dull if we all thought the same way.
I think you should not cover up your beliefs just to make other people happy - all that does is reinforce their beliefs that you can't think for yourself, and maybe it makes you start questioning yourself. You've got to be diplomatic.
If you're not good at communicating in conversation, why not write a letter? Tell them you're growing up, examining your world, and you want a chance to form your own beliefs.
I won't tell you to ignore the situation as it's obviously bothering you, but there are some things you can do to make sure there are not constant arguments. Be true to yourself - don't change your beliefs for others. Be careful how you dicuss it - if you yell or get too emotional, your parents won't take you seriously.
I don't think you're ever too young to have an opinion about ANYTHING. It just means you are trying to inform yourself about life and want to express your beliefs. That rocks.
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Well I have this friend, and me and her both like the same kid..=/ it's confussing because I was going out with hmm May 25th 2004 and then he dumped me on June 25th.. =/ and then me and her stopped being friends for a while.. and they have went out on and off and the off part we went out? we each went out with him 7 times in the past 6-7 months .. it's weird? but he dummped her just yesterday and says he likes me again, and I hate this because me and her are friends now and I had to do the dumping! =( I still love this kid but I am scared I don't wanna loose a friendship =o'( But I love him? What should I do (link)
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This guy doesn't like either of you enough to commit to you, so why are you letting yourself in for this emotional rollercoaster?
Your friendship is constantly at risk, and so is your heart. On again, off again relationships don't work - I don't mean to sound harsh, but it's a fact. It's often a sign that the people involved aren't ready for a relationship, or that they simply don't want to date a particular person.
This triangle isn't fair to anyone involved in it. If this were me, I'd push aside my feelings for this boy and respect myself. I would not be okay with this sort of situation, and I don't think you should be, either.
You are loveable and deserve a guy who recognizes it.
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What are the chances of getting pregnant if you had sex without a condom.. but he took it out before he busted?
*please don't delete this time mods, i really need some answers. i'm scared to death for my friend. (link)
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Well, there's always a chance of getting pregnant. Even if he pulled out before he came, there's still pre-cum to think about.
Where are you in your menstrual cycle? If you keep track of your cycle and it has a regular length, then you can calculate when you are ovulating. Generally, women ovulate mid-cyle. Ovulation means an egg is released - it's when you are at your most fertile.
So if your period came ever 28 days (Day One is the first day of your period), then you could be ovulating around day 14. If you have sex a day or so before this, during this time, or just after, your chances of getting pregnant are the highest. Go into Google and do a simple search for 'signs of ovulation'; your body shows when ovulation is happening by elevated temperature, different discharge from normal, etc.
I'll also point out that pregnant or not, there's a very real chance you have contracted a sexually transmitted disease. Your best option? Once you've got the all-clear this time round, make an appointment with a gyno to get on birth control AND use a condom.
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when and how can you tell the difference between puppy love and real true love? (link)
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I don't think you can tell until you are older and in a secure relationship. What adults call 'puppy love' is real love; it might not be the sort of love that takes you into happily-ever-after, but it's genuine feelings.
Many people consider themselves to be honestly, 100% in love, and it's only after the relationship ends that they realize it wasn't 'true love.'
Love is a growing, changing, wonderful thing. Every relationship you have will expand your ideas of what love means to you. Ultimately, your experiences will help you build up a complete picture of solid, lasting love - something which could not happen unless you had 'puppy love' first.
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okay, i have been in a relationship for 3 years, two days ago i had sex with him for the first time. I am 16. It was amazing, it went on for hours. But it was my first time and i bled all over my bedsheets, there was alot, my b/f said not to worry but i did, will it happen again and is it normal to bleed so much? plz help me i rate 5 all the time! (link)
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There is no normal when it comes to sex, but it is common to bleed. You don't have anything to worry about unless you continue to bleed heavily or you are in pain.
If the bleeding stopped soon after you had sex and you're feeling okay aside from some normal vaginal achiness, then you're fine.
I can't predict whether you will bleed again. If you felt discomfort the first time, I can almost guarantee you will feel uncomfortable the first few times. Your vagina has been used to being a certain shape and size for 16 years, and it takes time for it to be used to accomodating a penis.
Next time, spread a towel on the bed just in case. If bleeding happens during/after sex for more than the first couple of times, I would make an appointment with a gyno just to make sure everything's okay.
And on that note - you'll need to make an appointment with one anyway now that you've started having sex.
Hope sex continues to be amazing and powerful for you!
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Alright .. so im 13 .. and i had sex for the first time with my boyfriend last night .. meaning i was a virgin until last night .. well i heard your supposed to bleed your first time .. and i didnt .. it hurt like SUPER SUPER bad .. but i didnt bleed .. and i was just wondering if thats normal or not . Thanks :) (link)
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Anything is normal when it comes to first time sex, as long as both of you want to have sex and you've protected yourself against pregnancy and diseases.
Many females DO bleed when they lose their virginity, but it doesn't mean you are abnormal if you don't.
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When i was really little, i was raped by my cousin, someone i thought i could trust. i can no longer trust people anymore, it is very hard for me. What do you think i can do to help me cope with this and how can i explain this to my friends, who always want to know why im such a cold, hard shell of a person? (link)
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First of all, this is less about explaining yourself to your friends and more about trying to figure things out for yourself. Growing up and getting to know yourself is hard enough without an added complication, and I think you could benefit from seeing a therapist.
Don't worry; they are not for 'crazy people.' Therapists are people who will focus on you, listen to everything you say, and help you figure out where your life is going. Simply going and talking to someone (confidentially) can make a big difference because they are not judging you, planning on fixing your life for you, or blaming you.
There are there to listen, and you'll find that just talking to another person who won't interrupt you will be liberating. Make sure you find a therapist you like; if you meet one and don't like him/her, there's nothing wrong with seeing another one. You might want to consider having a female therapist as it could be easier to speak with her about your experiences than it would be with a male.
You aren't a cold, hard shell. You are a loving, confused, hurt person who is understandably afraid to get close to people. Sometimes we can't break out of own walls and just need a little help; you are strong enough to deal with this. Keeping yourself hidden away is not only fair to your friends, but it's not fair to yourself.
You did nothing wrong; you have a lot to offer to the world.
Good luck.
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I like to read your column because you give such good advice. I find it really great to see someone who's so open-minded. I was just motivated to write this because of what you said about the way women's bodies are supposed to be and how we should change the media. We should!
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Thanks very much! It's always nice to get positive feedback - I think being open-minded is something many people lack, but I hope I'm never one of them!
And yes - we SHOULD change the media. I think it's possible if we live every day without being intimidated by other people. Only when we are comfortable in our skins can we help others be the same.
Thanks again.
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Hey, im 5'1 and i like my body weight the way it is right now, but my stomach is fat (the fattest part of my body), and unproportional to my body. i really wanna get a flat stomach like i used to, but i dont want to loose any weight. Is there any way to lose the fat on my stomach? or make it look better?
thank you
(link)
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If you are at a healthy body weight & are exercising regularly, I wouldn't worry about your stomach. They are SUPPOSED to pooch out a little - that layer of fat develops sometime after getting your period. It's there to protect your reproductive system and any future children you might get pregnant with.
Women are supposed to have breasts, tummies, and hips. That's how it is. Instead of trying to change ourselves to fit the media, we should be trying to change the media!
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ok i have an appointment to get my license in december. for the test, is it a written test and a drving test or just driving and if there is a written test do i just study the same DMV booklet that i studied before i got my permit. Thanks!
BTW i live in georgia if that info is needed... (link)
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It depends where you are taking a class through. Many organizations include the driving test as part of the class - in Michigan, for example, you have to have passed a driving test to get your learner's permit.
The written test is short & not diffcult if you study your booklet. If I were you, I'd ask friends who have recently gotten their liscences how it all works. These things can be different state-to-state, and people who live near you will have the answers. And, of course, you can call the DMV and ask about their procedures.
Good luck!
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i am in 9th grade. which college is best. penn state, michigan state, florida state,california state,or st. vincent? i rate all well. (link)
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Nobody could definitively give you that answer - not only will they not have attended every school, but they won't know what's right for you. Do you want a big/small school? A party/quiet school? City or country?
The list goes on and on. That being said, I went to Michigan State and LOVED it. I miss it a lot. If you have any specific questions about MSU, let me know and I'll answer them.
I just like the atmosphere, the river, the town, the class sizes, etc.
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well today in lunch my boyfriend, i duno if hes really my boyfriend, but im guessing he is cuz he told me he wass. i can't trust him AT ALL. he took my purse from me and took my cellphone and wouldn't give it back. i thought he was goin to do something to it, like break it or call people n stuff. so i turned him in, because hes like that he would do something bad to my phone, and that phone was so expensive. my friends say i did the right thing. but would u hate me? he got 3 days suspension by the way. (link)
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1. A guy is not a boyfriend simply because he tells you he is. A boyfriend is a mutual decision.
2. You should only date people who respect your property, body, mind, and emotions.
3. If a guy doesn't respect something as simple as a phone or purse, it's a sure bet he doesn't respect you, either.
4. Dump him.
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omg..im really stressing right now..i was going thru my moms make up drawer, which i usually never go thru because i dont wear make up, and i foud a tiny package of WEED..i also found an already smoked joint...i dunno what to do i really dont wanna talk to her about it because..i dunno i would just rather not..how should i handle this personally?
thanks (link)
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Why do you feel the need to talk to her? If you had no idea she was smoking pot before you found it, then her behaviour is obviously not a problem. And if you know what pot looks like, then you aren't a naive individual.
Moms have sex. They drink. Sometimes they smoke pot. While that can all be very uncomfortable to realize, it is a fact.
You can always just sit down with her and have a discussion with her if you feel intensely uncomfortable, or you can always write her a letter. A letter puts the ball in her court, though, and she might not respond.
Basically, if this discovery is not one which is going to affect your life or your mother's life tremendously - I think you're just going to have to forget what you saw.
Adults disappoint us because they are human. Just because she's a mom doesn't make her a superhero. Use your brains and try to learn from these decisions - you can decide only what will happen in YOUR life, not in your mother's.
I'm sorry you're uncomfortable, but I have no doubt you'll be able to handle it. Good luck.
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14/f/9th grade
Ok my ex is stopping me from having a bf...
His friends like me and they wanna go out w/me, but they couldn't do that 2 him. This makes no sense b-c his friends say that he doesn't like me anymore, and we went out in 7th grade so I don't hink he likes me anymore! What should I do b-c I really want a bf right now, but HE kind of is stopping that...my life sux..HELP ME PLEASE! I will rate ya 5...seriously!
-cOnFuSeD-
P.S. I was in love w/this boy, and now I am like so over him, so what does this mean? (link)
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First of all, when things end with people, you get over them. That's how the world works. If you were to sit around pining for people, you're life would be ruined. So, you're perfectly normal in being over your ex.
Next, his friends are just trying to be good friends to him. Or perhaps they are using him as an excuse - they might not want to date you, and he's a handy reason to say if they don't want to hurt your feelings.
My advice? There are plenty of boys in the world who are not friends with your ex. Find some of them - and find one would would really want to date you, no matter what.
It any of those guys really liked you, they'd talk to your ex and things would be fine. Sounds to me like he's just an excuse, or they are just too immature for a relationship.
Good luck.
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Okay i`ve lived here in *fL* for 15 years..i love it here and my dad has had over 20 jobs in the past 10 years. He wants to move somewhere else like southcarolia...or north carolina..that means i'd have to leave all my friends that have been there for me..my boyfriend that i have the best relationship with..and i also lose my scholorship AND my mom loses her retirement..all for a couple more dollars a month. Okay i am in my EARLY years of teenage years and he`s taking everything that a teenager reallllly needs away to a place where i don`t know ANYONE!...anyone have any suggestions to say to him? =( Plz help! (link)
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Ultimately, the decision really isn't up to you. I would write out everything you just said in list form, and then I would ask your parents to sit down with you. Try to have a serious talk with them. Let them know your concerns. Do this without yelling or being accusatory - they won't be able to take you seriously if they are immediately put on the defensive.
As another adult, I'm thinking that your dad moving for a new job really doesn't have to happen - it sounds like he wouldn't keep it anyway. Even if that's the case, I would be very careful about how I worded it.
If you think you cannot talk to them without getting emotional, type out a letter explaining what you think. It'll give you the chance to air all your frustrations without the fear of crying, getting into an arguement, etc. Make sure you let BOTH parents know how you feel.
Good luck.
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Ok i've been dating my boyfriend for 3 months and all we've done is makeout everytime he goes down my pants, he pulls out his hand really fast. and i shave so i dont know whats wrong. what should i do? (link)
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Shaving might be the problem. After all, a woman's body is SUPPOSED to have hair, and maybe you just don't feel the way he expected.
I don't think hair matters - if it's there or not. Maybe he's never done this before, maybe he doesn't realize girls get wet, maybe he's just really nervous. Maybe he doesn't want to go that far, but feels pressured.
It could be any number of things. If you're at a point where you're letting his hands down your pants, then you should be perfectly able to ask him what's going on. Don't ask in the heat of the moment. Make it a neutral time and place, and then just ask why he seems uncomfortable.
Good luck.
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