I'm not here to tell you what to think or do, but to give you as much honest, accurate information as possible. If I don't know an answer to a specific question, I'll research it before replying. I won't sugarcoat things; my job is to tell it like it is.
I've got a particular interest in sexual health and sexuality. I know a lot about fertility and pregnancy - and firsthand now, as I've just had twins. I'm also an accredited sexual health worker.
Gender: Female
Occupation: Counsellor, writer, mother of twins.
Age: 31
Member Since: August 9, 2004
Answers: 1493
Last Update: November 5, 2009
Visitors: 173016
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I think it would be considered as molestation but..what are like some signs of maybe molestation?? My dad seems to be touching me just like a little more then he ever has..I mean not in my "places" but he will just rub my shoulders or something?? The other day he also told me I have very pretty green eyes(their like a mix but blue and green but anyways..) and I was like umm thanx?? (thinking uhh wtf?) So what im asking is do you know of any signs or anything that this is the beginning of umm "molesting??" Also is this the right "catergory" for this?? I'm just a little confused sorry. (link)
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I don't think anything bad is happening - at least, I don't think your father is starting to molest you or planning on molesting you.
That being said, if the way he's acting is making you uncomfortable, tell him. He might be a completely caring father, but if he's making you uncomfortable than he should know. It doesn't have to be molestation to make you feel weird, so make sure you are clear about your boundaries.
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my friend jessica is going out with some guy that is 27 and shes only 12(shes been sleeping with him too)!!! my friends and i keep telling her that its considered rape and that he probably wants her just cuz of her body and just wants her for pleasure, cuz what would a guy that old want with her? we tried to explain it to her a lot, but she wont listen...what should we do? (link)
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You need to tell someone. I notice you added some info explaining that her mother won't listen and that this situation has already gone to court - but that doesn't mean there are not other people you can't tell.
School guidance counsellors, the police, YOUR mom, a teacher, a confidential helpline, etc. The only way to help her, since she can't see the position she's in, is to speak up for her. Say the things that need to be said.
Make sure the appropriate adults know. You might hurt your friend or make her angry, but those hurt feelings would be a result of you having her best interests at heart. You can guarantee that guy does NOT have her best interests at heart.
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Well, My friend and i are both 13 years old and girls. I asked my best friend if she would like to experiment again and she didn't mind. I was wondering could there be a possibility that she likes me or just likes what we did together because when i asked her she said it was no problem, but she also added we shouldn't do it too often , (Nothing "below the belt"). If it is normal does anyone out there know anything else we can experiment with each other above the belt and below. I'm also wondering is it common for me as a African American girl to be experimenting with my Polish American bff? I rate high. Holla back!! (link)
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Sure. You're normal.
As to whether she likes you or just likes what the two of you are doing, I don't know. Do you WANT her to like you? Are you comfortable asking her about it? Or telling her how you feel?
Nothing short of talking to her will answer your questions, but if you don't feel comfortable asking them right now then just wait until you do.
And until then, make sure you two are only engaging in activities that you both want to do - anybody pressuring anyone else takes you down a road you probably don't want to be on.
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like a week ago my boyfriend and i were messing around and i gave him a hand job (he put a condom on) and while i was giving him a hand job he was holding his penis and then when i was done he fingered me and my period hasnt started yet but ive been having cramps lately and i usually get cramps but could i be pregnant? (link)
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Did he take off the condom? If so, there's a tiny chance some sperm got on his fingers and then was transferred to you.
But honestly? I don't think you're pregnant. If you normally get cramps before your period and are expecting it, then chances are these are just normal PMS-type cramps.
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I was just reading ur site thing and it's awesome how honest you are and just get to the point. I don't really have a question i just wanted to say uh.. Good job i guess? (link)
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Thanks! I always like getting notes like this.
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Hi. I'm 15 and from England, and 3 weeks ago this Saturday I put a job application in for a new shop opening in my area as 'retail sales assistant'. I quite happily filled in my application form in and was promised an interview - although when I went in and asked if the job was available, they said it was for 18 year olds and still gave me a form.
Anyway, it has been 3 weeks and I no reply has been recieved. What should I do? My mum says that the sign has been taken out of the window, but she also advised me to phone them back. This is my first real job, apart from helping my mum babysit a number of kids (a total of 11, and once we had a Xmas party with all of them at it). If I don't get this job what other ways can I make money, as I get £25 month from my mum but would love an opportunity to prove myself.
Thanks a lot, Sarah (link)
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I would call the store back; I have to say it doesn't sound likely you'll get that job due to your age and the fact that they should have contacted you by now, but at the very least it establishes you as being professional. They might consider you for an interview if the job is still open because you are showing initiative.
Other job possibilities? Local stores. Be sure to ask if there is an age requirement before filling in the application; most shops should welcome young people to work after school or on weekends. There's a wide variety of stores out there, and you can probably find one that suits your interests.
There's also fast food restaurants, or even more babysitting.
I will point out that due to your age you'll need to get a work permit. I'm not sure who issues these, but you won't be able to work without one. It'll state the exact number of hours you can work and give you permission to do so. You can ask at your local job centre or your careers/advice and guidance coordinator at school for more information about work permits.
Basically, it can just take a while to find a job that suits both you and the employer. If you keep looking and make sure all of your applications look professional - no cross outs, good spelling, perhaps a cv included - you'll find a good job eventually.
Good luck!
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is it supposed to hurt when u take out a tampon .. cause when i do it hurts really bad.. (link)
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It shouldn't. Some things that will help:
1. Not changing your tampon every time you pee. It needs a chance to soak up some blood; if it doesn't have enough you could experience a weird pulling or tugging sensation when you remove it. A good guide is to change it roughly every four or five hours.
2. Buying smaller tampons. They make mini-tampons, which will help inserting and removing.
3. Take a few deep breaths before pulling the tampon out. Try to relax. And, this might sound strange but it CAN help, sometimes you can actually push them out....this involves using the muscles you would use to push a baby out. The tampon will not pop out, but your vaginal muscles will be helping you as you pull the string.
If you try these methods and are still experiencing pain, then I'd speak to a doctor.
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what does it mean when you go down a guys pants? (link)
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Physically, it means you stick your hand down his pants and touch his penis.
Emotionally, it either means you are in a close relationship and are mature enough to handle this...or it means you are using sexual things as a way to make a boy like you.
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hi... after about a week after i had my period i had sex for the first time.... and i didnt use protection. ( bad mistake) and.. now its been about 4 weeks and ive been feeling abit sick ( but i usually get like this when im going to have my periods) and i havent got them yet and im really scared that i could be pregnant.. and when i felt up my virgina i felt this weird thing inside me.. could this be and unborn baby i might have??? pleace help, im really scared about this (link)
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First of all, a week after your period ends is the most fertile time for a female. That's right about mid-cycle, when you are ovulating.
Second, your body is ripe to catch STDs at any time.
Third, if you feel like you normally feel when you are expecting your period, then wait. That's all you can do anyway. Stress can make your period come late, so be prepared for that, but if it is more than two weeks late you'll need to buy an over-the-counter pregnancy test.
If it comes back positive, you'll need to see a doctor to discuss your options and healthcare. If it comes back negative and your period still doesn't arrive, you'll need to see a doctor anyway.
You most likely will not have any symptoms of pregnancy this early, even if you ARE pregnant. The only reliable symptom is not getting your period.
Finally, whatever you feel in your vagina, it is not a baby. A baby grows in your uterous, and if you WERE pregnant, the baby would be so tiny that you couldn't ever feel it. If the 'thing' in your vagina is not normally there, it could be a sign of a sexually transmitted disease.
You'll need to get tested for diseases, and then find out about birth control choices. There are a huge amount of pills, shots, patches, etc on the market - but you obviously cannot start using one of these until you find out you are definitely not pregnant.
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Hi! When you get fingered does the guy finger go all the way into your vagina? or what ? im really confused about this. What is fingering to be exact? (link)
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I think that when people say 'fingering', they most often picture a finger entering a vagina - you know, much as a penis would.
This is an accurate way to describe it, but it can mean other things - and by much more pleasureable - than just being a sort of sex with fingers instead of with penis.
The clitoris can be rubbed, the entire genital area can be rubbed, and more than one finger may go inside.
The finger might stay still, move in circles, or go in and out. The possibilities are endless.
It can be painful the fist few times it happens, particularly if you are not excited or ready for it to happen. If you are tense, your vagina will be tense - and that's normal.
So, to sum up: a finger in the vagina. Or more.
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it wrong or extremely strange to see god as a 18 or 19 year old extremely smart female when your a 13 year old male?
thanks (link)
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If by 'God' you mean the ultimate creator of the universe then yeah, that could be a little weird.
But if you just think of this woman as someone fantasically wonderful who you really admire and possibly have a crush on, then you're normal.
Absolutely, 100% fine, okay, and not weird at all.
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Ive been with my boyfriend for along time and he wants to have sex and i dont no i love him soo much and he loves me i no he does and everytime we r together its soo perfect and he said hes not guna force me but he thinks this will lock r relationship and then we ll be together forever and ii rele think hes telin the truth...should i do it?
Sexually confused.. (link)
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Two simple facts:
1. Many, MANY people think that if they have sex with someone, it's a guarantee they'll be togther forever.
2. Most relationships are not 'forever' relationships, particularly ones early in life.
I'm not trying to be negative, just realistic. If you decide to have sex, it shouldn't be because you want to cement your relationship. If anything, sex adds in tremendous pressures - fears of pregnancy, disease, intense emotional messiness, etc. Sex can make relationships stronger OR weaker.
You should have sex only when you feel 1342% ready, when you are capable of protecting yourself and your partner, when both of you decide mutually that it's time to move forward. But sex, like everything in life, comes with no guarantees. The only way to make sure it's the right thing is to wait until you KNOW it is right.
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what makes a guy get an erection and when can they start getting them? (link)
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Lots of things can make a guy have an erection, including seeing someone attractive, thinking about sexual act, or even the vibrations from a bus ride. They are spontaneous and can come on even when a guy doesn't particularly want one (like in class, for example).
From the moment a boy is born, erections happen. It's a normal bodily function.
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Hi. I recently got together with this guy and we've been together for about a month and half. We're both virgins and we've been talking a lot about having sex. I don't feel that I'm quite ready yet (and he knows this and hasn't pressured me), but if we're going at it the rate that we are now, I'm pretty sure it's only a matter of time. How long do you think into a relationship one should have sex?
I know about protection and all that, but neither of us fully trusts a condomn (it's only 77-98% effective) and I was thinking of using the pill or patch which is a lot more effective, but I wouldn't be able to get that without my parents or a clinic, and I absolutely cannot tell my mom because she wouldn't be okay with it and I don't know where to find a clinic. How would I go about finding a clinic? And would it be confidential? Are there any clinic that offers it for free? I've read something that says that they generally cost about $35 a month though... and if I do use it, would it totally mess up my body later on in life? (I'm 17, 18 in 2 months). Also, I've decided that if I do get pregnant, I'm going to get an abortion. I really don't want to resort to that though (obviously) but do you know where I could find an abortion clinic as well?
Also since it's both our first time, do you think that it would turn out horribly bad? And I heard that most people don't orgasm during sex. Is this true? But when I finger myself, I always orgasm...
Please help. thank you! (I'm sorry for the really long, big paragraphs) (link)
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Okay. I'll see if I can tackle one question at a time.
1. How long into a relationship should you have sex? I don't know. What I do know is that sex is the best when you are in a mutually loving relationship, when both people are 100% comfortable and ready for sex, and when protection against diseases and pregnancy are in place. Ideally, the couple is able to talk about sex, what would happen if pregnancy occured, etc.
2. Look up 'Planned Parenthood.' They offer services on sliding scales, which means the less money you have to offer, the less you have to pay. Depending on your age, you might get things completely for free. Planned Parenthood is also confidential - but I ALWAYS recommend asking any doctor you see their policies on confidentiality. This gets things straight in your head, so ask. It's your right.
You can also see a family doctor - chances are everything will be completely confidential, and doctors are in a position to give you sample packs of the pill...you might not ever have to actually buy them. A family doctor has the added bonus of having your medical records and family history, so he or she can most accurately figure out (with your input) the best form of birth control for you.
Any doctor will be able to tell you about the longterm affects of the pill or patch - write down all your questions before you go and ask them.
3. Abortion. If you're using two forms of birth control the way they are meant to be used, pregnancy hopefully won't enter the equation. If you make a careless mistake, there is a morning after pill available at most pharmacies. I'm not sure how things work in America, but I would ask for a prescription for the morning after pill when you get your prescription for birth control - let the doctor know it is a preventative measure.
Your doctor (family or at the clinic) will be able to tell you about local providers of abortions. It's important to remember that you'll need one ASAP - if you decide to terminate a pregnancy early enough you can do so by taking a special pill a doctor will give you, no surgery required.
4. I think you are in a good position to enjoy sex your first time - but only once you are ready. You are obviously planning ahead, and that means you have your head on straight about the possible physical effects of sex on your body. Remember the emotional effects it might have on you and your boyfriend - make sure, as a couple, you are ready for this step.
I wouldn't expect it to be instantly perfect - like all things, sex takes practice. But with a caring partner who knows what you enjoy...and with you letting him know what is and is not going well...things should be fine.
5. It's true that many women don't have orgasms through strictly penetrative sex. This could be because their clitoris is not getting enough attention, because the male is finishing too fast, because the particular position isn't great, because of nerves, etc. If fingering yourself can give you orgasms, it's reasonable to assume you'll have orgasms during sex, too.
It's best to not get too worried - and to remember there are other ways to orgasm outside of straightforward sex.
Hope I helped!!! I'm impressed by the sorts of qustions you are asking, and I think you'll be just fine.
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I am new to the finering thing, and I was wondering if there is neway or nething I can do to increase the pleasure for her. (link)
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Yep, there is. You can ask your girlfriend what she likes.
Most girls need more than fingering to enjoy themselves to the highest level, but some are okay with regular fingering. Every female's body is different, and every female you touch will have different things that she likes or does not like.
If you're too embarassed to ask her how she feels, then listen/watch how she responds. Do more of whatever she seems to like, and avoid what she doesn't. It sounds simple but it'll work.
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I'm hoping you can help me with my problem.
At school, I hang out with 3 girls. I've known one of them longer than the other two, but I've come to like them all equally. I believe you can have more than one best friend. Anyhow, one of the girls who I haven't known for as long is a little posessive. She has told me that she considers me to be her best friend and I know that's what she wants to hear from me. I always tell her that I have more than one, and I can tell she's disappointed, but hey, I can't lie. The problem is that whenever she finds out that my longtime friend and I did something without her, she gets all huffy about it. She tries to pretend she isn't mad but it's obvious. She'll be like "I can't believe you went to the movies without me!". Once my friend brought me to her dance class with her since it was bring-a-friend day or something corny-sounding like that, and she got all pissed that my friend hadn't brought her instead. It's gotten to the point where we have to hide things from her so that she doesn't dump her jealousy all over us, and it ruins our fun when we do have to confront her. Oh boy, I'm sorry this is so long but I really don't know how to deal with her attitude! Advice, please! :) (link)
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Okay - first let me apologize if you asked this a few days ago; I've been away for the holidays, but am back now.
Onto the advice: I think you need to have a talk with this girl. I think it needs to happen on an occasion when just the two of you are out. Is there something the two of you love more than other people in the group, or a really fun day you could relive with her?
Take her out on her own, tell her how nice it is to be alone with her, and reassure her that she's very important to you. Explain, though, that you have a big heart and are capable of really caring about lots of people - let her know that just because other people are your best friends too doesn't make you value her friendship any less.
I'd try that first, as it's the least confrontational and is less likely to hurt anyone. Maybe have some of the other girls in your group do the same thing - and hope Jealous Girl gets the hint.
If her attitude continues being the same, then talking (once again) is the best idea. Don't gang up on her - sit her down alone with you and explain that her possessiveness is making you uncomfortable, and that her behaviour is making everyone walk on eggshells. If you point blank tell her that she's not behaving appropriately and she continues anyway, then it's up to you how to continue.
I tend to think she's probably a bit insecure - especially if you knew other people longer than you knew her. She probably just thinks you are fabulous, and she is worried that you don't feel the same. A little reassurance should do the trick.
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I just heard through my friend that our friend ran away this afternoon. My friend heard about his running away through his boyfriend who he called before he ran away. His boyfriend said that he is at his father's apartment which we had previously thought was in California but the number on his boyfriend's caller ID was local.
The simple thing to do would be to have his boyfriend call the number on the caller ID but the father has on occasion beaten the both of them for being gay. So it's probably not a safe idea.
Both my friend and I are terribly consumed with worry about our friend. See, he is manic depressive and has ADHD which he takes many many medications for. We're pretty sure (along with his boyfriend) that he wouldn't have remembered to take his meds along with him, it's just not something he'd think about. Everything is the cello with him. Once, he came to school not having taken them and he was uncontrollable. Around noon he wanted to "whisk me away to an ethnic market for couscous". I'm really worried.
I don't actually know what I'm asking for, but I feel helpless in all of this. (link)
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Some ideas:
If his father doesn't want his boyfriend calling, why don't you call? Just to see if he is there and if he is okay.
If so, is there any way your friend, yourself, or his boyfriend could pick up his meds and deliver them?
The first priority is making sure your friend is physically okay and not in danger, and this includes trying to find out if he has his meds. After this, I would offer him support - if he is running away from home, then that's a pretty big sign that things are not okay at home. He might just need a hand to hold or someone to talk to.
As worrying as this all is, you are pretty limited in what you can do. If none of you can contact your friend, then it's a waiting game. Chances are that he'll contact his boyfriend, and maybe the most you can do is talk with the boyfriend about things to ask - is he safe? does he have his meds? what can you do to support him?
In the meantime, remember that it isn't your responsibility to make sure he is alive and safe, and that you have not failed if you cannot contact him. Ultimately, he made the decision to run away.
I hope he turns up soon, safe and sound. Best of luck.
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My sister was raped and killed about a year ago ( we havent found out who it is yet but they're still looking)and I lately I have been see her well her ghost and she always says some thing but I cant hear her like she just moves her lips and I want to tell my mom but I'm afriad she will put me in some kind a hospital or something but about a week ago my sister came back and she made me fallow her some how I mean she walked through the wall and I just had to fallow her and when I did it I found an old beat down house and I really really wont to show it to some one because I think it might be the guy that killed her (link)
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I think you need to tell someone, probably your mother. There's no worry she would put you in a mental hospital - people are not locked away for experiencing normal grief.
At the very least, you have the chance to share your experiences with another person. You aren't alone, and your mom might be able to comfort you some. As far as seeing your sister's ghost, the police probably won't consider this as any sort of evidence of a crime.
Still, pay attention to your surroundings. Your sister could be contacting you and trying to reach you, and details could be important to remember.
I also think you should consider getting some sort of counseling. Not because I think you are crazy, but because losing a family member in a brutal crime is something terrible to go through. A professional could listen to you vent - if you don't feel comfortable talking with you mom - or even lead you in exercises designed to help you heal or get more in touch with yourself and your memories of your sister.
I'd be careful, though. There is a chance you are deeply in grief and this is causing you to see your sister - this does NOT make you crazy, but normal. Still, seeing your sister's ghost and feeling some sort of responsibility for solving her murder is a lot to handle. I think you definitely need to talk to someone.
Best wishes.
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I'm 14. A day or two before my period, I tend to get this dark stain on my panties...the front of my panties, not where I would get a normal period stain. It's dark and kind of brown, and sort of thick. Do I have a disease or something?
Also, every single time in my period, I have a normal flow for maybe three days, then it stops for one or two days, then it starts again for only about half a day. Is this abnormal? (link)
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If the stain is dark and brownish, then it's probably actually the start of your period. While normal discharge does vary during different parts of your cycle, it is not actually brown - that's blood.
As for your period starting and stopping, that's okay too. Everyone's periods are different, and there's a chance yours might settle into a more regular flow after you've had it for awhile. If you are truly concerned, it's best to talk to a doctor.
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I was in a mental institution and I got really close to one of the staff members that worked there, she helped me in every way possible and I thought of her as my mom. Since I have been out it seems like everytime I call the hospital to talk to her, they make an excuse for me to NOT talk to her. Last night my sister looked her up on the internet and come to find out, she lives a mile away from me, and I have her home phone number, I mailed her a christmas card this morning to her home, but I dont know if I should actually call her at home. I miss her so much and she made such a big impact in my life, what do I do? I don't want her to think that I am like stalking her or anything! ??????? (link)
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I think you need to be very careful. It's normal and natural to get close to someone who helped you through a rough time, and she's probably very happy to know she was important to you, but at the end of the day there are professional boundaries.
She is in a role which does not allow her to become actual friends with patients, no matter how friendly or supportive she has been in the past. She's probably undertaken training, as have ALL the staff, about boundaries. The hospital is making excuses for you to not talk to her simply because it could be considered inappropriate by hospital standards.
This has nothing to do with who you are as a person. Even if she thought you were wonderful, it would still be part of her professional role to not have an outside friendship with you. I don't think you should call her.
Why not write a letter to her abou thow she's impacted on your life and how much it means to you, then mail it to the hospital? Contacting her at home isn't okay, but writing to the hospital is. You can ask in the letter if she considers your actions okay, and then wait for her response.
Best of luck.
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