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Finding a clinic and first time you have sex
Hi. I recently got together with this guy and we've been together for about a month and half. We're both virgins and we've been talking a lot about having sex. I don't feel that I'm quite ready yet (and he knows this and hasn't pressured me), but if we're going at it the rate that we are now, I'm pretty sure it's only a matter of time. How long do you think into a relationship one should have sex?
I know about protection and all that, but neither of us fully trusts a condomn (it's only 77-98% effective) and I was thinking of using the pill or patch which is a lot more effective, but I wouldn't be able to get that without my parents or a clinic, and I absolutely cannot tell my mom because she wouldn't be okay with it and I don't know where to find a clinic. How would I go about finding a clinic? And would it be confidential? Are there any clinic that offers it for free? I've read something that says that they generally cost about $35 a month though... and if I do use it, would it totally mess up my body later on in life? (I'm 17, 18 in 2 months). Also, I've decided that if I do get pregnant, I'm going to get an abortion. I really don't want to resort to that though (obviously) but do you know where I could find an abortion clinic as well?
Also since it's both our first time, do you think that it would turn out horribly bad? And I heard that most people don't orgasm during sex. Is this true? But when I finger myself, I always orgasm...
Please help. thank you! (I'm sorry for the really long, big paragraphs)
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Want to answer more questions in the Sexual Health and Reproduction category?
Maybe give some free advice about: General Sex Questions?
Okay. I'll see if I can tackle one question at a time.
1. How long into a relationship should you have sex? I don't know. What I <i>do</i> know is that sex is the best when you are in a mutually loving relationship, when both people are 100% comfortable and ready for sex, and when protection against diseases and pregnancy are in place. Ideally, the couple is able to talk about sex, what would happen if pregnancy occured, etc.
2. Look up 'Planned Parenthood.' They offer services on sliding scales, which means the less money you have to offer, the less you have to pay. Depending on your age, you might get things completely for free. Planned Parenthood is also confidential - but I ALWAYS recommend asking any doctor you see their policies on confidentiality. This gets things straight in your head, so ask. It's your right.
You can also see a family doctor - chances are everything will be completely confidential, and doctors are in a position to give you sample packs of the pill...you might not ever have to actually buy them. A family doctor has the added bonus of having your medical records and family history, so he or she can most accurately figure out (with your input) the best form of birth control for you.
Any doctor will be able to tell you about the longterm affects of the pill or patch - write down all your questions before you go and ask them.
3. Abortion. If you're using two forms of birth control the way they are meant to be used, pregnancy hopefully won't enter the equation. If you make a careless mistake, there is a morning after pill available at most pharmacies. I'm not sure how things work in America, but I would ask for a prescription for the morning after pill when you get your prescription for birth control - let the doctor know it is a preventative measure.
Your doctor (family or at the clinic) will be able to tell you about local providers of abortions. It's important to remember that you'll need one ASAP - if you decide to terminate a pregnancy early enough you can do so by taking a special pill a doctor will give you, no surgery required.
4. I think you are in a good position to enjoy sex your first time - but only once you are ready. You are obviously planning ahead, and that means you have your head on straight about the possible physical effects of sex on your body. Remember the emotional effects it might have on you and your boyfriend - make sure, as a couple, you are ready for this step.
I wouldn't expect it to be instantly perfect - like all things, sex takes practice. But with a caring partner who knows what you enjoy...and with you letting him know what is and is not going well...things should be fine.
5. It's true that many women don't have orgasms through strictly penetrative sex. This could be because their clitoris is not getting enough attention, because the male is finishing too fast, because the particular position isn't great, because of nerves, etc. If fingering yourself can give you orgasms, it's reasonable to assume you'll have orgasms during sex, too.
It's best to not get too worried - and to remember there are other ways to orgasm outside of straightforward sex.
Hope I helped!!! I'm impressed by the sorts of qustions you are asking, and I think you'll be just fine.
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