I'm not here to tell you what to think or do, but to give you as much honest, accurate information as possible. If I don't know an answer to a specific question, I'll research it before replying. I won't sugarcoat things; my job is to tell it like it is.
I've got a particular interest in sexual health and sexuality. I know a lot about fertility and pregnancy - and firsthand now, as I've just had twins. I'm also an accredited sexual health worker.
Gender: Female
Occupation: Counsellor, writer, mother of twins.
Age: 31
Member Since: August 9, 2004
Answers: 1493
Last Update: November 5, 2009
Visitors: 173019
Main Categories:
General Sex Questions
Random Weirdos
Mental health
View All
|
| |
|
I'm pregnant but I don't know if the guy I'm with is the father. I cheated on him with my ex, along the sametime as I got pregnant. What do I do? Do I tell him that he might not be the father?... he's gunna freak!!!! and how do I tell my mother I'm pregnant.. and I don't know who my baby's daddy is? (link)
|
You're in a bad situation, but if you don't explain it to everyone involved, you're putting everyone else into a bad situation too.
Your mother needs to know you're pregnant so she can help you with arranging medical care - the sooner you see a doctor regularly the better. How best to tell her? Only you know her. Some options are taking her out for a meal, telling her at home, writing a letter, etc. As for not knowing who the father is, everyone involved needs to know.
It's not the best thing to not know who the father of a baby is, but it's better for your baby if you sort it out now. A child deserves to know where they came from. It might mean you have a rough time at the start with everyone involved - but once you decide to have a baby, your priorities have to change. Everything needs to be about the baby.
Talk to a doctor about your options. A simple test done when the baby is born will accurately tell you who the father is. A doctor can also pinpoint when you conceived - so if you have records of the weeks you were with the other guy, etc, you might be able to sort things out before the birth.
Be strong, do the right thing for your baby and yourself, and remember that you aren't alone. Try to find some young mums groups in your area, or attend classes for expecting younger women.
|
|
So how do you talk to a girl when you're in ninth grade, have no classes with her and see her once a day surrounded by her friends? I really don't know much about her, but she seems like an interesting person. Anything is better than nothing. (link)
|
Is she in the drama club? On the track team? If you find out she's involved in some club that you're interested in as well, that's an easy way to spend time with her and get to know her.
Or try sitting near her at lunch and smiling. The only way to talk to her is to open your mouth and do it, so try to find opportunities to see her without her friends. Find out where her locker is and casually walk by before or after school.
It can be unnerving to speak to people that you don't really know, but it can really be worth the risk. Best of luck.
|
I always study for test really hard. But all the time when I get the test back I made an F. I just get nervios and mess up. How can I get over it? I dont want to study all the time like I do and all I get is an F. It will really help me if yall tell me how to get over the freakking out on the test.THanks
I rate high (4&5)
(link)
|
Why not speak to an advice and guidance counselor at your school? They can help you talk with your teachers about your nerves, and possible figure out alternatives for you.
These could include taking tests in an empty room, not having time limits, or letting you submit extra credit work to make up the difference between an F and, say, a C.
If you've got a pattern of feeling really nervous before/during tests, the only way to change that is to either change where/how you take test, or to change how you feel about them.
Sometimes just changing a small thing - even sitting at the back of the room or starting the tests early - can break the cycle. Your school should be understanding if you explain how hard you study and how nervous you feel. Teachers want students to succeed, and they need YOU to tell them how to help you.
If you feel more relaxed you might do better, and that'll help your nerves go down even more. You can also talk to teachers about different ways to study - maybe the way you prepare for a test isn't the best way for you. There's notecards, just reading books, trying to write down what you've learned, talking to a tape recorder, etc. Different strokes for different folks.
Good luck.
|
|
Well my parents make me see a theripist and my theripist is awesome but he has this saterday thing where its group theripy and i want to join it its all boys and my theripist says that i would like the class i dont know what to do....I really want to share my problems with other people. help i rate high (link)
|
If you trust your therapist, want to join this group, and feel you might like it - why not? Try it out for a month or so. That gives you enough time to get used to it, get to know the other guys, etc.
Talking to a therapist can be a wonderful way to get things off your chest, and talking to a group of other people your own age about these things can be really empowering. Everyone in the room is there because they have issues to share, and nobody is alone.
Go for it.
|
|
for about the last couple of months, i have headaches everyday and they last almost all day. i feel like fainting and i get dizzy alot. i don't have much energy and i've been loosing weight recently. when i really don't need to. i'm tired all the time. butb it's not because i'm not getting enought sleep because i sleep alot. im really scared and i told my mom and she's getting me and appointment. even my boyfriend is worried. he's the one who told me to tell someone. i was just wondering if it sounded cancerous. and if it does please tell me what kind off cancer it sounds like. im really worried. please respond fast. (link)
|
Only a doctor can properly diagnose you. Things you can do to make your doctor's job easier:
Write down every symptom you have experienced, even if you think it might not matter. If you remember, write down WHEN you felt these things - after eating, in the morning, etc.
Chances are that it's something mild which can be solved, so try not to worry. You've done the right thing by telling your mother and getting a doctor's appointment.
Until you have the appointment, just keep getting enough sleep, eating right, and taking care of yourself.
|
|
myself and my 2 cousins(i'm 25) had charges put on a man for sexual assult it happened to me when i was 13 and happened to the other girls 5 years ago the other girls still want to go though with it, but i want to drop my charges as i have 3 children to look after and dont want to turn there lives upside down.he has been arrested and relised on bail now we have a carmital hearing coming up in 4 weeks! can i legal get my charges dropped! (link)
|
Yes. You can always change your mind about bringing charges against someone, but think of the effect that will have on the other two women. You're telling them that abuse doesn't matter, and that you will not support them. You're letting a child abuser off the hook.
If anything, I think you following through on this would teach your children that it is always worth standing up for what is right, no matter the cost.
|
|
ok i really like this guy but he wont talk to me at all..and when we broke up he said that he never wanted to talk to me again and said that he was too good for me. and when i try to email him he doesnt answer back..but i luv him soo much that i dont kno what to do?! i try getting over him but i cant..wut can i do to try and get over him!? (link)
|
Getting over people is hard, but let's just look at the facts you've told me.
He dumped you.
He said he never wanted to talk to you again.
He said he's too good for you.
He ignores your emails.
Is that the type of guy you want to be with? Is this the way you always imagined a perfect relationship would be?
No matter this guy's charms, he's not good for your self-esteem. You deserve to be with someone who will respect and value you - someone who WANTS to be with you. You don't have to settle for chasing a guy who doesn't care for you at all.
How to get over him? Realize that YOU are too good for someone who would treat you like this.
|
Well i've been dating my boyfriend for about 2 months. He has had sex before and I havent (15/f). For the past couple of days I have really been thinking if i want to do it or not. My boyfriend is perfect, but im kinda nervous about the whole thing. Dont get me wrong, I do want to have sex with him, but its only been to months and i think its kinda soon. I have been sort of leading him on, but i really thought about it today and im jsut not ready. What ways can i tell him that im sorry for leading him on but im just not ready yet?????
Please help (link)
|
Well, you have every right to change your mind. He's not the only one in your relationship who might want sex, and you are not the only one responsible for making those choices. So you led him on - so what? Just because you chose to do something/say something that could have been seen as sexually suggestive doesn't mean you HAVE to follow through on it.
I think you're right in saying that two months into a relationship is early for losing your virginity, but I also think you've already found your way to explain - you thought about it, you're not ready, you're sorry for leading him on. Any decent guy would accept that and reassure you that sex doesn't need to happen until you both want it to.
It can be uncomfortable to sexually stick up for yourself, but if you DO and the guy is supportive, then you know he's a guy worth being with. Good luck.
|
|
ok..me nd my bf have been together for 7 months. just recently we had oral..and he busted...so he went to the bathroom and everything was ok. later that day, he fingered me. my period has always been irregular. im late a week nd my bf is freaking out. is there any way i culd b pregnant? (link)
|
Alright. The only way pregnancy could occur is if semen entered your vagina.
If he came in your mouth/a condom during oral sex, then removed the condom and didn't wash his hands afterwards there is a tiny chance some semen could have been on his fingers.
Things to consider: What did he do in the bathroom? If he cleaned himself off, hopefully he washed his hands with soap and that removed all semen. Also, if he touched you several hours after your earlier encounter, the semen wouldn't have live sperm in it even if there was still some on his fingers.
If your period is usually irregular, then you can explain to your boyfriend that being a week 'late' doesn't exist - you don't have a pattern, and that's normal for you. Things are probably fine.
|
|
me and this guy had a really really fun time one night (not sex) we just cuddled and kissed the whole night. I really like him alot, but im not sure if he likes me too. yeah we cuddled but he's kind of a user so i couldn't tell. ANYWAYS! that was 4 days ago, and he hasnt called me yet. would it be extrally gay if i text him while i was at school just to have a regualar convorsation an be like "whats up? im bored at school an decided to text u." would that be gay, weird, or just normal? i've never texted him an im to nervouse to call him. would it be cheesy if i did? tell me your honest opinion, please! (link)
|
It would be the opposite of gay since you are a female hitting on a male. Just thought I'd point that out.
I don't think it's weird to text him; you're right to keep it casual. That way if he doesn't respond you haven't really put yourself in an awkward situation.
He may or may not like you, but if you like HIM then it's definitely worth seeing if he feels the same.
Good luck!
|
|
I dont know what the category of this is but.. Ok, heres the story this may be long but i'm not sure so if it is i'm sorry but I need all the help i can get with this question. Ok I recently spent the night with a friend of mine and while I was there her dad tried hitting on me asked me if I would have sex with him and asked me if he could kiss me and I said no, and I dont know what to do, her dad even pulled out his thing in front of me which is nasty and after all this happened I didnt go to sleep that night, I stayed up all night watching movies confused on what I should do, I mean should I get a lawer and get him sent to jail or what I am so confused and I dont know what to do, please if anyone can answer this for me I will rate high, and please who ever reads this and gives me an answer dont make jokes about it because this is very serious, thanks to everyone who answers, by the way I will rate high...Thanks advicenators! (link)
|
The first thing I would do is tell your parents. They can help you decide the best thing to do and support you through the process.
You should tell to protect yourself, and also to protect any other females this guy might behave like to this in the future. He needs to know it is not okay.
Regardless of how you and your parents choose to solve this situation, there are some things you can do in future.
An adult acting like this towards you is never your fault. You have every right to firmly tell them 'No,' that you do not appreciate their advances, and that you want them to stop. You have every right to call your family and have them pick you up - you do not need to stay in a house with someone that behaves this way.
Be strong, talk to your parents, and be open about your feelings. Good luck.
|
|
if before, during, or after Day 14 are the days I will most likely get pregnant, then what days am I LEAST likely to get pregnant. thanks! (link)
|
There's always a chance of pregnancy, and here's why. Sperm can survive in your body for a bit, and if you have sex before ovulating, there's still a chance some sperm might be alive and kicking.
Likewise, your ovulation time frame might be a bit longer than other people, so you can't accurately guess when it's 'safe' to have sex.
It's always best to use birth control and condoms - keeping you AND your partner safe from possible infections and pregnancy.
Ovulation is also a tricky thing - just because it usually happens mid-cycle for most women doesn't mean it's automatically Day 14 you should be worried about. Ovulation is different for everyone.
Women who are TRYING to get pregnant often spend months and months trying to figure out their pattern of ovulation - through daily temperature taking, feeling their cervix, checking their discharge - so as you can see, it's a complicated thing.
There are no guarantees in sex, only the opportunity to make safe and informed choices.
|
|
But how doest the baby come or? or the egg? (link)
|
Are you asking about abortion? Sorry, your question isn't too clear.
If you are, then my best advice is to speak to a doctor.
My second best advice is to check out:
http://www.prochoice.org/about_abortion/facts/index.html
It discusses surgery, abortion by pill, and laws about teenage women who want abortions. If you want to talk to somebody, they have a free helpline listed on their site - it's toll free. The website claims to offer unbiased facts about abortion, but some of the language is very medical. Calling someone is a nice alternative.
|
|
hey im a 17 year old girl i have a boyfriend how is to much with me but i think hes a woosse... in the way that if im not with him every minute of every day he gets bitchy... if i ask for a night off he bitches... cryies you name it... he does it.. and it just makes me feel bad... and he wins... i feel like im in jail... he says he dosnt mind but the next day he says i hated it and makes me feel bad like i dont what to do... hes driving me insane... and when i try talking abt it he just makes me feel bad... i need help (link)
|
Are you happy?
Is this what you wanted out of a relationship?
If the answer to either of those is 'no', then you have your own solution. You need to clearly explain to your boyfriend that this behaviour is unacceptible. Tell him that you care about him, but you need time away from him. If it continues, break up with him.
The way your boyfriend is acting is both controlling and manipulative; in no way is it healthy, and you are doing neither of you a favour by staying with him. That only teaches him that he can control you - and other women.
Good luck.
|
|
For my health class we are suppossed to find out if guys mostly prefer virgins or sluts, what do you think? (link)
|
If a guy wants a quick, easy way to find a girl to have a sexual relationship with - a slut.
If a guy wants a real relationship with a caring, wonderful girl - then whoever he meets that fits that qualification.
There is no magic number which makes someone a slut or not; nor are all virgins perfectly pure. I think it's best to always be true to your morals and wants/needs. If you can honestly say you always act in your best interests, then you'll have nothing to regret.
|
|
My family has always had issues. I've tried to work at fixing them even though my family tells me constantly that its me, not them. We fight over how much work each other does around the house, we fight over who gets to watch what on TV, we fight about almost anything we can think of. I think that everyone in my family has little problems in their lives that they need to work on, but they all seem to think that it's my fault, when I believe all I'm trying to do is help get this family in line because no one else can. Could it all be my fault, or no? (link)
|
I think it's hard for one person to try to take responsibility to 'fix' a family. Maybe this isolates you somewhat, which makes it easier for the rest of the family to point the finger of blame in your direction.
Have you tried a family meeting? Setting groundrules ahead of time helps - for example, no yelling, no lies, only one person talks at a time. One really good exercise is to pass around an object - while a person is holding that object, they can speak their mind and no one else can interrupt.
A meeting could be used to air your frustrations and hurt feeings, what you want from your family - and also how the rest of them feel, as well. Until everyone starts being heard and appreciated, it's going to be hard to patch up the relationships.
Simple solutions - schedules. Daily chore schedules, TV timetables, etc. You can't argue with black and white. The key is making sure every family member agrees to the schedules ahead of time; that way, no one can complain when they don't like it down the road.
Flexibility and communication are very, very important.
Good luck.
|
|
ok im a girl and i get turned on very easily i guess because anytime i guy touches me in the right way or kisses me or sometimes holds my hand i get really wet "down there".. is that normal for girls to get really wet at the smallest things an to even get wet?! (link)
|
Yes. Getting wet is a normal bodily response - the liquid is a lubricant your body produces when you are sexually excited. It happens to most every female when they are excited, in different amounts.
If it's a problem, pantyliners are an easy way to help control the issue.
But rest assured, you're normal and your body is healthy.
|
|
Right I have a christian friend who is like really serious about it, and I some times feel like she is constantly trying to convert me when I've told her that I'm not like her i'm not like a church go-er and it's just i've been bruoght up in a different way to her. I don't want to offend her but can any one suggest ways of making it clear that i don't believe half of what she's saying. (Thanks alot, i rate high!) (link)
|
Explain to your friend that while you respect her beliefs, you don't agree with them. You'll need to openly tell her exactly what you feel about the situation - whether you have no interest in talking about Christianity, whether you'll talk about it if she won't try to convert you, etc. Be clear in your mind what you expect, and then communicate that with her.
You don't have to tell her you don't believe in what she says, but you CAN say that you DO believe other things. If she's a real friend, she'll be able to respect and appreciate that you have differences of belief/opinion.
|
|
my boyfriend cheated on me with another girl .. we have been goin out for 2 1/2 monthes now .. he says he loves me, but i dont see how you can cheat on somebody you love. he didnt have sex with the other gurl, but they kissed. so i then broke up with him and that same day i broke up with him he kissed another girl .. im so confused. should i stay with him ? i mean we are both only 15 years old . so maybe it was just hormones. but do you think he loves me. he treats me really good, hes boughten me a gold ring and big teddy bear when i was sick he (link)
|
I think that if you respect yourself and want a relationshpi with someone who is committed to you, then this guy probably isn't the right one.
Hormones are no excuse for kissing other people. Being in a relationship means that no matter the hormones, no matter how attracted he is to someone, no matter if you just had a fight - he should not be messing around with other girls.
Like you said, you're only 15. You have plenty of time to find a respectful guy that makes you feel secure in a relationship. Don't settle for less than you deserve.
|
my bestfriend always calls me fat and everyone else tells me im not she is just jelouse what can i do to make her quite callen me fat it really bothers me?
shaiina (link)
|
Tell her you don't appreciate her calling you fat. Explain that it hurts your feelings, and you want her to stop.
This should be enough to make her stop - if it isn't, you'll want to rethink your friendship. Friends are supposed to lift us up and support us, not make us feel bad about ourselves.
|
|