steph2k10's advice column

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Q: Hello, well I've been having a recurrent dream, not so much the same dream but the same subject. I have a boyfriend, I'm happy we have been together for one year. We are engaged to get married in a couple years, so it's pretty serious. Before him I had trouble relationships, but there was one relationship that I have to admit left me scarred. My first boyfriend. Him and I loved eachother very much while we were dating. My parents didnt want us together, especially my mother, he even cried to her. We did not have a very long relationship because we had an issue that forced me to break up with him.(Not cheating issue just another) But our connection did not end after that, It took me a while to move on and have another relationship, after him I believed I tried dating like three other guys but somehow it would not work out and instead of mourning the loss of them I would find a way to always go back with my first boyfriend. He changed completely after we broke up 360, he became a jerk to me and since he knew i liked him he took advantage of me, he would make me break up with new boyfriend and then act hard to get. He did ask me to go back with him about six time, but somehow to me it did not seem right so I always turned him down, that always made him very mad.
Finally about four years later, I find one guy that is perfect (my current boyfriend). My first boyfriend even tried breaking us up after two months and I told him no.Which was a first to me because I would always do that, Once I did that I finally thought that I had some closure. We have now been together for over a year and I do love him very much and every thing between us is serious. But sometimes I catch myself thinking about my first boyfriend, it makes me mad and fustrated that I would even have thoughts about him.But yesturday I had a dream about him visiting me, and that I let him talk to me and kiss me and while it made me fustrated it would just happen, and I would tell him I miss him and he missed him. But when I was droping him off somewhere I told him " I can't believe I just cheated on my boyfriend" and he said " What are you going to do?" and I told him to leave. Then while he was leaving he told me " five years". I don't why he said five years, we have just been breakin up since three years. I am fustrated on what to do, I dont want to loose my current boyfriend over this issue, I don't know if to tell him. I dont know what does my first boyfriend still represent to me and I need someone to talk to. Please Help, sorry if it's kind of long lol.

i did some research and when someone has dreams of cheating, or that their spouse is cheating, most websites have stated that its actually a sign that you are very stable in your current relationship and you are very loyal.

it is simply showing what your biggest fear is (cheating) AND it means that subconsiously CHEATING is one thing that you never want to happen.

dont worry about these dreams. they are common in most good strong relationships. As long as you have the strength to stay faithful to your man, you have nothing to worry about.

steph 21 =]

Q: I already have a test tomorow on Lab safety. ANd she gave us 17 symbols to remember, and then their exact definition! What is a good way to remember their definition! I am horrible at memorizing things, expeciially in a couple days

in my opinion, using flash cards are the best way to remember things quickly.

draw the symbol on one side of the card, and the definition of the other.

have someone hold them up for you, and do it over and over, until you can recite the definitions without hesitation.

hope this helps!! =]

step 21

Q: We've been great friends since we met each other; everything just kind of clicked. Every day since then I have tried to figure out if I liked him as a friend or more than that, and recently I've slowly come to the conclusion that I really do like him. The deciding factor? When I figured out he was gay, I was devastated. How do I get over him while still staying his friend? He's an amazing person to hang out with, and I don't want to lose that.

im sorry you are having to go through this.

All too often this happens. You find an awesome guy, hes everything you could ever want in a guy, attractive, funny, romantic, sensative, etc, then , to much dissapointment, you realize he is gay.

If he really has his mind made up that he is never going to have a relationship with a girl, you need to be realistic with yourself, and just know that he probably likes you A LOT. BUT its not in a romantic way. The best thing you could do for him is to be a great friend. If you really care for him, make sure you are always there for him when he needs you.

hope this helps! have a great friendship =]

steph 21

Q: I dated this guy two years ago. I broke up with him also. Basically, we started talking again a few months ago..and I have feelings for him. He, however, has no feelings for me. But! At first I didn't know that. I kept telling him I like him, me being stupid, didn't pick up on the fact that he never even said he liked me in the first place. All he wants is sex. Whenever we talk, it's hard to have a normal conversation because all he likes to do is flirt and/or do stuff. And, for some reason I feel by talking about other stuff, I'm boring him? Anyway. Last week, I finally had the guts to talk about me and him. I was tired of always flirting and doing stuff with him..meanwhile, he has never told me how he really feels. I said, "I like you still...but, I guess I'll have to get over it because you have no feelings for me.." His response hurt me. All he said was "yeah". He also once said he doesn't want a relationship..but he'll give me benefits? I know I sound stupid for believing that can turn in to him liking me. When he said all that.. I felt so upset. I basically didn't talk to him at all for a few days. I finally knew the truth..he used me :(. Then he randomly texts me the other day saying he's sorry he hasn't talked to me and that he'll talk to me on Sunday. I know he's going to want to flirt and all. That's all he wants me for obviously. But, I don't want to be used. I'm a very nice girl and I treat him good! It's ridiculous. So, how can I tell him that I just want to be friends but not with benefits!?

Oh and before we started dating he was the one always chasing after me. I hate how it changed. :(.
Please help. Thankyou.

im sorry you are having to go through this.

I went through this exact same thing a year ago.

the main most important thing, is to be strong no matter WHAT he says.

he will try to flirt, say sweet things, lie, smile, etc. you have to be realistic with yourself and KNOW deep down that he is just saying what you want to hear to get what he wants,

whatever you do, no matter what he says, dont let him use you again.

fool me once, shame on you. fool me twice, shame on me.

hope this helps!! email me if you need any support.=]

stephanie.ellick@gmail.com

steph 21 =]

Q: it's been 25 days since the first day of my last period,and i havent started it this month, i've been nausius, extra tired, my breats seem swollen, and im wondering maybe if it's time to take a pregnancy test?

If you HAVE had sex, and should have gotten your period by now, all those things you mentioned ARE symptoms of pregnancy.

if your period doesnt come within a week as it usually should, take a test.

if you are mature enough to have sex, then you need to know the possible outcomes. Take a test as soon as you can because if you ARE pregnant, you need to know asap so you can start your prenatal care to keep you and your baby healthy.

i know it can be scary, but get a test, take it, and go from there. one step at a time.

email me for anything. =]

stephanie.ellick@gmail.com

steph 21

Q: 14/f

I've been asked out more than plenty of times in my life (I'm not going to complain about it) but I've never said yes to anyone. I never actually thought that the reason why was because something didn't feel right...until awhile ago a boy a really liked asked me out. And I totally blew it by the way... I totally freaked out when he asked me...I told him maybe and then I let it off for like a week...and then he told me he was moving so it would be too hard. So that was like a total slap in the face...
I think I might have commitment issues. I think my problem is that I'm really afraid to be in a relationship with someone, as much as I would love to. All my friends go in and out of these wonderful relationships and everything, and I'm so jealous of it...but even though I've had more chances than all of my friends' put together, I've turned down everyone (with that one exception...).
I don't know what to do about it. I seriously would love to have a boyfriend but I'm just too...scared. And the weird thing is I'm really good around guys, too. It's just when relationship stuff comes up...yeah....
Can anyone help me? I'd really appreciate it.

This is totally normal for los of people, what you have to think the first thing you need to think about, is WHY you keep turning everyone down.

Does it stem back to being abandoned by someone in your past? For many people, this is the case, for others, it's a fear of the actual commitment itself, not a fear of the person.

Are you afraid to be tied down? Are you afraid of rejection, or that the relationship will fail?

You have to ask yourself these things. Once you get to the bottom of your feelings, you can start working on a relationship.

Hope this helps!! :-)

Steph 21

Q: okay this probably sounds really stupid, but i don't exactly understand what dry sex is?

i heard it's great. but then if you don't exactly want to have REAL sex, it's not a good idea, right? because won't the guy just try and have sex with you then?

Dry humping is basically grinding eachothers genital areas together while fully clothed. It can get very steamy and make you want to do more. Basically stimulating the clitori by rubbing it up against your boyfriends crotch area.

Steph 21

Q: what is the things in your throat?

yes, jacks right, the thing hanging down in the middle is the Uvula, but the two big glads on the sides of your throat are called your tonsils.

steph =]

Q:

I am 15 and me and my friend thought it would be funny, to say we were seeing each other to are year, we decided to do it even though I was having second thoughts, but my friend said its just a joke, but I thought of it at a test to see if people are homophobic at are school cause I thought most people are. My other friend told some people with out me realise, so she started the rumour and she told to girls and they come and said to me is it true and was just in shock so I didn't say anything. the rumour was (it has changed since, I’m not sure what is though) that me and my friend, a girl had kissed each other in the high street my shopping with another friend. the rumours spread like wild, by lunch time which was about after an hour after it was started everyone knew "the story" apart from my friends who knew the truth.
Then somebody who is a friend of a friend told someone it wasn't true. it was just before I was going to say that it had all been made up and people had added there own bits to the story. My friend who the rumour was about was shouted at when she had said nothing. I was just shouted it at just a second ago when I have said nothing either. i was also called a dyke, which I am not. What shall I do?

unfortunetly, when you are young as you are, and you start something like that, people are going to act immaturely about it and of course, believe everything you say.

you have started something that will probably stick with you for a long time. Its not good to lie, especially about something like that,

im not really sure what you can do to cure it at this point, but you need to be mature about it, and everytime someone asks "is it true?" just be very serious, and grown up about it, and say. "no. it is not true, never has been true so tell your friends the truth.I dont like being called a dyke. get over it and find something else to talk about."

then walk away. if you give people a big reaction like screaming or yelling, they will like seeing you freak out and will keep talking about you, and never stop.

you have to act like you are ove it, like you dont care anymore, you have to act grown up. mature. once people start to see that you arent worried about that stupid rumor and that they arent gonna get a reaction out of you, they will eventually get over it and forget about it after a while.

hope this helps! =] email me if you need anything.

stephanie.ellick@gmail.com

steph 21

Q: hey i'm 15 and i shaved my whole vagina because all my other friends do. now my vagina is burning and red. i want to feel clean about shaving it, but i don't want to have this uncomfortable feeling. how do i stop this? and is it normal to shave your whole vagina while being sexually active?

you CAN shave it, but heres some advice on that

1st, use really good shave gel, a make sure its lathered up pretty good.

2nd, the most comfortable way is to use a SINGLE BLADE razor. using 4 or 5 blade razors is great for your legs, but not so good when doing tender areas like your bikini line.

3rd, using the single blade razor, do short strokes, VERY short strokes. and rinse off the razor to keep it clean after every 4 stokes or so.

and DONT push down too hard. this is very tender skin and irritating it, as you have realized, is very painful.

do these things and the shaving should turn out much easier and less painful.

be careful though, because just like your nose hair, your pubic hair serves a purpose. Its there to keep certain germs and stuff from getting into your vagina. dont shave it every time hair grows back out, let it grow out at least a centimeter or two before you shave again.

and keeping lotion on it after you shave, it seems to help keep it from being to itchy or burning.

hope this helps!!!!

steph 21 =]

Q: ok, i/m turning 14 in like a few weeks.. and my mom wont let me go out w/ this guy i like alot... i liked him 4 like 4 months n now he stared to like ask me to go to the mall n stuff.... n then when i asked my mom she said yes.. and then me and my best friend n i got in a fight... n when me n my bff went to the mall w. a bunch of pple.. shes like.. u'r gunna get raped.. n i didnt get touched!!(only followed) but then shes like.. i would rather you and anthony go together.. i trust her more then maddy (my best friend) soo yesterday he asked me to go bowling w/ him.. n i asked today.. n shes like.."sure you can, but i need to talk to his dad so i know that he's going too..." ITS SO EMBARISING!!! PLeaSe help..

this is completely normal behavior, your mom is doing what every other mom does.

you are only 14. my little sister is 14 too. my dad wont even let her hang out with boys. Feel lucky that your mother isnt so strict, and that shes actually considering it.

if you really really wanna go out with him, let your parents get to know eachother, because once your mom meets or talks to his parents, she'll feel more comfortable with you being around him, and will let you go out with him even more! =]

dont worry about being embarassed. It should only happen 1 or 2 times and then she will trust your BF more, and wont be as nervous about the two of you hanging out.

hope this helps!

steph 21

Q: why does my lowr right side hurt it hurts when i lay to my side and it hurts if i lay down or sit or walk could it be my apendix im really scared

you need to go to the doctor immediately, it could be your appendix, but none of us here are medical professionals. Stop looking for online advice and get it checked out by a doctor.

none of us here want to hear of anything bad happening to you. please get some real help.

inbox me if you need anything. =]

steph 21

Q: Im female 15 and from scotland. I resently discovered that i had my feelings confused between my boyfriends and his best mate. I love my boyfriend he's sweet kind and generous but i with the realisation that my lust was completely directed at his best mate (who is currently going out with my bestfriend). I desided that i should end it with him, but how? i dont want him to hate me forever there might evan be hope to be friends, how can i end things without hurting him to much? And with out the cheesey line "can we still be friends?"

unfortunately, with guys who are best friends, this type of decision is very difficult.

Im going to be honest with you, guys are not like us girls, if you were to break up with your boyfriend, and try to go out with his best friend, chances are, the best mate wont want to ruin his friendship with your guy, so he will probably not date you even if he DOES like you.

OR, the best mate might decide he does want to be with you, but that will ruin your relationship with your bestfriend, and also ruin the relationship between your boyfriend and his best mate.

if you really dont feel so strongly for your boyfriend, dont lead him on any longer, and tell him how you feel.

but be careful and think whos friendships will be hurt if you pursue the best mate. if you think theres no risk, then go for it!

do what makes you happy but just think it all through before you take action.

inbox me if you need anything. =]

steph

Q: In 2 weeks I move into my dorm, its a single. I'm pretty sure I have all the basics plus a few simple decorations. All I want to know is...

A) What was your favorite thing about your dorm room?
B) What do you wish you had brought?
C) What is something that you couldn't live without in a dorm?

Thanks!

A) I loved my privacy. I was really scared I was going to have a roomate that hated me or was really messy, but then I got upgraded to a single. WOO HOO!

B)I wish I had brought more decorations. After a while the walls started looking boring!

C) My Laptop and Cell Phone. IT was my lifeline and my connection to the outside world!

Steph 21 =]

Q: i had recently started a new school and i have problems making friends. it's not that it's me, it's just i'm very shy & the gurls won't even give me a chance. I'm frineds with most of the guys, but like i said i get pretty bad vibes from all the girls. they act as though they are too good to hang otu with someone new. what should i do?

hey i think i can help you out.

I am 21. and throughout school, i NEVER got along woth other girls. Maybe 1 or 2 my whole life.

I realized that guys like hanging out with me, and so I had a bunch of guy friends, and girls were jealous that guys wanted to be my friend, so they treated me badly.

you dont have to be accepted by girls. you can make it through school with the guys, and you will have a blast.

if girls wanna be your friend, awesome. If they dont, oh well, they dont know what an awesome person they're missing out on. =]

email me anytime. stephanie.ellick@gmail.com

steph 21

Q: I'm in a long distance relationship, and sometimes my boyfriend and I go silent. It's happened like 3 times during our 3 month relationship, and we'll both agree to leave the conversation and talk tomorrow when we're feeling more talkative.

But after we leave we both end up worrying that the other person is upset with us. And I'm tired of this. NOTHING is wrong, I've tried to explain to him, some days I am just quiet. Does anyone have any suggestions on how to stop (mainly his) our worrying? It's like we both know nothings wrong, that we're just being quiet, but we still worry hahaha. Please help, thanks!

my boyfriend and I were together for a year, then we had a long disance relationship while he was offshore for a job for 4 months. we found that we would have these awkward silences too, heres what helped us:

If you are running out of things to talk about, talk less times during the week. if you talk every night, cut it down to every other night or once a week.

I kept a diary that I would write in every night, about my day, and he kept a journal.

on friday we would call eachother, and read what we wrote each day. There was never any awkward silences, and we laughed alot at some funny things we would write.

if hes not too far away, take turns driving to see eachother if you can

let me know if you need anything.

=] steph 21

Q: I've been really itchy lately all over my thighs, and I recently noticed these tiny white bumps on the inside of my thighs.
What is this? I was thinking it may be dry skin, or razor burn, so I apply lotion now and I actually havent shaved to see if it will go away. I've had them for about 2/4 days.

it could be razor burn, but usually those bumps are red or pink in color.

It could also be heat bumps, because of the friction you cause when you walk,

if you have spent alot of time outside lately, it could be something from outside.

keep lotion on it, if it doesnt go away in a week or so, go to the doctor. it could be something more serious like scabes.

hope this helps!

steph =] 21

Q: like the title, i really did.
I was just wondering if more people felt this way
and if there is a way to come back?
ive talked to my parents about ways to help me
and they say its just a part of life
im not thinking of suicide
but i go to food as a comfort, and thats not good for me.
i dont like clothes fitting tight, thats even less self esteem.
ive been through hard times in my life, because they were my fault.
I realized how bad of a person i am
and i dont know how to fix, especially when i apologized to people, and tried to make up for it but they dont accept ...
also, i cant really be 'happy'
and being 'in love' has just died out. I dont know
I cant feel feelings anymore, it sounds weird..but i cant feel true happines, and I cant feel relief, I cant feel blessed. I can only feel serious numbness.. i didnt know that was possible
but things dont usually 'phase' me unless its negative. I keep the feelings bottled up. I used to think when people say these things, it was all bull, but when i express, my true self to my own self.. those words come out. and i mean every one of them.
here it is:

Ive been chasing my shadows for some time now
I lost interest in everything
That made me myself.

I hope to live
Happy some day
I hope to be forgiven for my sins to you
The only way I can actually feel okay
Is if I learn to not care at all

I cant imagine myself being carried
While tears are flowing from my eyes
I don’t want to know the pain
That is kept in my heart

The growing pains of my mind
Are unexplainable to anyone else
The sadness I feel, kept inside.
Is not something im proud to tell

I feel ashamed of my existence
I lost what I knew was the best for me
I know, some still do love me,
But I realized what I aimed for was wrong

I try to make amends,
But im simply not strong
I know the ones surrounding me would not understand.

I try to give my best,
But I end up failing, wanting freedom
When I had the love that was the best
It just wasn’t close enough

I turned to things that weren’t good for me
And Ive realized, that I’m not as special as I thought I was
I’m just another miserable person

I looked at myself the other day
And I had a thought
That scratched my heart
And my well being.
My self esteem
And soul
Nearly died,
I realized.. I was the person, that I hated the most
What I saw in other people
And judged, hated them for the things they did
What they thought, what they said, even how they looked.
Their entire lifestyles, I realized.. I am living the exact way they are.
Am I just blind?
Or Do I hate myself?
Did I realize it?
OR did I know all along, but was too ignorant to notice.

Ive coasted by on life
You could say happy-go-lucky.
I’ve reached an all time low.
And I cant seem to get back
When I know it’s the most important thing

I cant describe my problem
Or even know what it is,
So I don’t know the first step, in coming back.

I cant even make proper friends
I have soiled my reputation that was at least good enough to pass by
But now I know that it is almost unfixable.
At least, that’s what I think it is.

I pour my heart to others,
And find myself at a stop..
I can’t fully say, all of how I feel
Because I am ashamed I will lose them,
Because I don’t have much left.

I found out, people are my happiness.
Other peoples satisfaction of me, was my happiness.
I don’t think ive ever made my own self happy
When I went against others
And I thought I was never like that

I could not see the person I really was
I thought I knew myself,
But when I realized my true colors..
I discovered I may have lived a lie,
That I told myself.
Without even knowing..
How can someone trick themselves, without them even knowing
When, and where…. how did it start?

Im not sure if your post was actually a question, I was in a similar situation when I was 16 (im 21 now)

i felt like my life was pointless and heres why.

I was raped, my younger sister died, my parents divorced, 5 close friends of mine died in High school, (all at different times) my grandmother died, (my last living grandparent. she raised me), Ive struggled with my weight my whole life after my rape, and kids teased me every year, my mother was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, and my senior year she decided to leave her 2nd husband and could no longer afford to take care of me. At that point, I HAD TO MOVE OUT, not because I was ready, but because I had NO CHOICE, i had no relatives to move in with, so I was sure i was going out on the streets....

I guess you could say Ive had it rough...

At that point in my life, i wanted to die. life was too hard and I just didnt believe I could pull through in the end. it was pointless and I thought I was just God's toy. I wasnt even sure there was a God....

one day, I woke up on a friends couch, and I decided I was NOT going to let this happen. NOT TO ME. I was going to CHANGE what was happening to me.

so the day I graduated High School, I started my first job. there was no summer break for me. I have been working every day since.

Today, I am 21 yrs old, I bought myself a brand new car, I have my own apartment, i pay over 20 bills every month including cell phone, insurance, gas, rent, you get the idea.

all on my own. Now heres my advice:

NOW i realize that by making me go through all of those things, God was preparing me for my life. He was making me understand that the world is never fair, but you can turn BAD things into GOOD things with the right attitude!

If I had an easy childhood, I would still be sitting at home with mommy and daddy taking care of me and not knowing what the real world is like, just like most of the people my age are doing right now. All my friends are envious that I have my own place and do what I want. I have to remind them of all the bad things Ive gone through just to get where I am...but in the end, i am the most successful person in my large group of friends....and i am the YOUNGEST. =]

The reason I told you my life story is because I think young teens/adults like you can learn alot from me. It can be motivation, to keep your chin up, and dont get depressed.

God works in amazing ways. dont ever doubt him.

If bad things are happening, remember, you are strong. most people prey on other peoples self esteem because they like the reaction you give them.

So next time you feel dont on life, just remember that you arent going to be a sad kid forever. you will grow into a happy, adult with friends and a family someday. I promise things will be hard at first, but I also promise that the mental strength you will gain from this will be VERY worth it in the end.

if you ever want to talk or want some 1 on 1 advice, ive experiencced alot and can help with almost anything. feel free to email me anytime, 24/7. im here for ya =]

stephanie.ellick@gmail.com

steph 21/houston

Q: my warranty recently expired for my mac laptop back in july. it just so happens that right after it expried, some weird vertical blue line showed up on my screen. i took a screen shot and it won't show up in that. i've googled this and several sites/people are saying it's a problem with the LCD screen. if this is true, i really dont want to pay around $6oo for a new screen. it's ridiculous. anybody have any fixes?

usually a blue line is a microscopic crack in the screen itelf, thats why its ot showing up in the screenshots. basically, that whole row of "pixels" on the screen is damaged.

the only way to fix it is screen replacement, or getting a new mac. otherwise, it will not go away.

hope this helps! =]

steph 21

Q: I am a 28 year old male, and I am still letting my parents control my life. They demand alot of my time, and have no consideration for the fact I am now a man, and have a family and career of my own. Recently, My dad expressed to my three year old daughter that he did not want her around, then proceeded to tell my wife that we may think our daughter is the greatest thing since sliced bread, but she's not. This made me extremely upset, and I have not gone back to my parents house or spoke to my father since that happened three weeks ago. They are not interested in reconciling with my wife or daughter, but want things to be the same. I don't want that. What do I do?

Im sorry you are having to go through this.

You are absolutely right, you are 28 yrs old, a man. You need to have a mature and serious talk with your parents. Preferably alone.

Tell them that no matter what your daughter may have done, they should NEVER talk to (or about) a child that way. Its immature and hurt your feelings. Be clear with them that you dont want to stay away from them, but if their behavior towards your family doesnt change, you will have no choice but to respectfully steer clear of their house from now on. Tell them you love them and that its hurting you to think that they dont love your family in the same manner.

its going to be tough, but sometimes older people tend to forget that people have feelings, and can be very opinionated and close minded.

the only way to work things out is to talk it over. They will either listen to you, and realize they've hurt you and your family, or they will not and you will have no choice but to stay away.

like I said, its going to be rough, but you have to think about your family. email me if you need anything. I hope all goes well.

stephanie.ellick@gmail.com

steph

bio

Hi! I'm Stephanie, I'm a 21 yr living in Houston, Texas. I've been living on my own since I was 17 and wouldnt have it any other way. Ive been through many bad things in my life. Instead of letting things hurt me and make me bitter and depressed, I have let them make me stronger. I can give great advice on almost any subject. Im getting married in December to a wonderful man named Chris, and will soon my a military wife! inbox me or email me anytime, id love to hear from you!

stephanie.ellick@gmail.com