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My parents want to rule my life
I am a 28 year old male, and I am still letting my parents control my life. They demand alot of my time, and have no consideration for the fact I am now a man, and have a family and career of my own. Recently, My dad expressed to my three year old daughter that he did not want her around, then proceeded to tell my wife that we may think our daughter is the greatest thing since sliced bread, but she's not. This made me extremely upset, and I have not gone back to my parents house or spoke to my father since that happened three weeks ago. They are not interested in reconciling with my wife or daughter, but want things to be the same. I don't want that. What do I do?
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Im sorry you are having to go through this.
You are absolutely right, you are 28 yrs old, a man. You need to have a mature and serious talk with your parents. Preferably alone.
Tell them that no matter what your daughter may have done, they should NEVER talk to (or about) a child that way. Its immature and hurt your feelings. Be clear with them that you dont want to stay away from them, but if their behavior towards your family doesnt change, you will have no choice but to respectfully steer clear of their house from now on. Tell them you love them and that its hurting you to think that they dont love your family in the same manner.
its going to be tough, but sometimes older people tend to forget that people have feelings, and can be very opinionated and close minded.
the only way to work things out is to talk it over. They will either listen to you, and realize they've hurt you and your family, or they will not and you will have no choice but to stay away.
like I said, its going to be rough, but you have to think about your family. email me if you need anything. I hope all goes well.
stephanie.ellick@gmail.com
steph
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What you need to do is set some ground rules. It sounds like your parents feel that they should have no boundaries when it comes to your life, but they clearly should considering your age and life situation. Your father definitely, definitely should not have spoken to your three year old daughter about not wanting her around. That's the first thing that needs to be straightened out. You're right to be upset about it. You need to tell your father that until he apologises and straightens up, you're no longer going to be able to come around with your family.
That doesn't mean that you should never see either of your parents, but I'd advise against taking your daughter to his house again if he's going to treat and talk to her as though she's a full-grown adult. It's not healthy at her age to hear things like that, as you well know.
I think you should find a time to go speak with your parents alone. A time when they're both going to be there and you have some time to explain your side of things and what needs to happen in the future.
Whatever they're doing wrong now should be laid out on the table during that conversation. If they're constantly calling and checking up on you or demanding that you come over more often, let them know what you will do and when you will do it. Make it well known to them that you're a full grown adult- and a father/husband.
Tell them that they are not welcome to discuss your child to your wife in a negative light, as your father did recently. Tell them that if they do not want to see your granddaughter, they will be missing out. It's their house, so you can't force them to let her come around. But let them know that if they do not act more appropriate and respectful to your daughter and wife, they'll be seeing you dramatically less than they are right now.
Once you set your ground rules with them, discuss anything that needs to be discussed and answer any questions they have. The most important thing is to stick to the boundaries you set. Don't be a pushover and let them treat you or your family poorly. You've got a responsibility as a husband and, most importantly, a father to protect your family from harmful people. If they're going to continue to treat you all like dirt, you should continue to keep them at a much further distance than you have been.
Good luck,
Darby(:
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You could try to sit down with your parents and let them know that you do not apprechiate what they have said and done. You are now a man, You are free to live your own life and make your own choices. The fact that your father would turn to your three year old daughter and tell her he doesn't want her around is highly innapropriate not to mention I can only imagine what she was thinking she is just a child. I would sit down with both Mom and Dad and let them know that you are happily married now and you are not going to change things for their sake of happiness. They need to learn to except all of you as your wife and child are family also. If they are not interested in excepting them or at least try to get along with your wife and daughter than it is up to you on what you should do. You can continue to keep in contact with them but it will only cause stress on your marriage because it is something that will always sit in the back of your mind, Or you can tell them where it stands "You, Your wife and daughter" or none of the above. As hard as this might sound this is your choice to make. You are their son it is only the right thing for them to do is to except your family and be happy that you are happy and a successful man they are your parents and they should be proud. This isn't about them, It's about YOU.
Anything eles feel free to message me
BahaiMa22
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