Member Since: August 7, 2012
Answers: 1038
Last Update: August 2, 2021
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Thank you limitlessly for your words and advice of immense kindness! :'D I have written much since I last asked advice from you. Here it is, please give me your honest feedback. :)
"Seize the sun with the power of your grasp, and you will gain the scintillating light to outshine all who've wronged you, I have told myself for countless years. Every ray of fiery crimson and amber that illuminates from the dark massiveness of the Milky Way leaves me breathless and enchanted, which is why every time someone attempts to damage who I am I repeat that quote in the pit of my mind. In all the moments of the life I am struggling to exist in, the gigantic sun full of igneous light has forever been a deep love of mine. Childhood was a time where I would simple-mindedly strive to admire the exotic beauty of the sun, which is more than likely the reason for my poor eyesight. I was too young in my child years to realize that no human could travel to the sun and live. Unless he was immortal or untouchable to fatal heat. To be entirely honest, I miss my childhood days when I daydreamed about being the first astronaut to travel to the far most enormous star in our vast galaxy. I would appear on every news channel as the bravest and most fearless individual to ever be known. Expect for people to think I'm outrageously inane, I did, but never did it cross my mind that I would care. I was a youthful child; I was carefree about every opinion from anyone! I imagined being in that stereotypical rocketship that every child is used to. Covered in white with one circular window at the front alongside the currant red fins at the bottom. It's so cheesy, I know but I was young.
How come we're destined to grow up? It's the simplest time of your life, but then you're unwillingly forced to advance into maturity and pressured to go to college to further your life into something beautiful. But what if you don't want to grow up? What if you're deathly afraid of what'll happen to you when you're old enough to conceive a child, or marry some person that you only met two years ago, or how damn impossible college might be with pulling all-nighters and putting your foot forward to bully your tiredness into allowing you to stay awake in class the following day? Why can't it just remain simple? Everything would be bright and dandy if everything just remained simple. " (link)
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Hi there. Wow! This sent me off to a dark old cupboard looking for a book. Can I run something by you? Scene: A small group of old friends talking all night over brandy. They're older now and comfortable and succesful men. They were friends together at 14 and joined the trading/merchant shipping companies (in the days of sailing ships).
"But you here-you all had something out of life: money, love-whatever one gets on shore-and, tell me, wasn't that the best time, that time when you were young and at sea; young and had nothing, on the sea that gives nothing, except hard knocks-and sometimes a chance to feel your strength-that only-what we all regret?
And we all nodded at him: the man of finance, the man of accounts, the man of law, we all nodded at him over the polished table that like a still sheet of brown water reflected our faces, lined now, wrinkled; our faces marked by toil, by deceptios, by success, by love; our weary eyes looking still, looking always, looking anxiously for something out of life, that while it is expected is already gone-has passed unseen, in a sigh, in a flash-together with the youth, with the strength, with the romance of illusions."
This (sublime) narrative on the regrets of lost youth is by Conrad and it's easy to praise. Coloufrul, vivid word pictures. Complex emotions perfectly conveyed in a few simple phrases. Not a single word wasted. You can see that room, eh? Can feel what they're feeling?The rhythms, the narrative style (and even the SUBJECT, by God!) are very much like yours, arent they? Conrad's tall-ships map onto your rocket-ship. The emotions you express mirror those of the four frinds. So. YES. I think this is pretty good!! Write back anytime you like. I'm looking forward to it mate!
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I have been dating an amazing man for a little over a year now. We are both in college and this past semester has been difficult for us. He had to do a fifth year which he was really unhappy about and has felt really lonely and like he doesn't really have a purpose here on campus. It is my senior year and he is adamant about not interfering with all of the fun he wants me to have. You would think that he would be overbearing and want to see me all of the time because he doesn't have any friends of his own here, but its the complete opposite.
He is frustrated with me because I always want more. I want more time with him, I want more of him... I feel like I'm not getting enough. He doesn't really take initiative to ask to hang out or ask to go on dates and he says its because I never give him the chance but I feel like if I don't ask, he never will... We have had a lot of fights about this. They go the same way: I express that I feel like he doesn't want to put in effort and he assures me that he loves me and wants to spend his life with me but that he just feels down all of the time at school. I have noticed that when we go off campus either for a date or to visit our families everything is amazing. He immediately perks up and it feels like he is a different person. I want to be understanding and stick it out with him like he's asked but I hate feeling so low most of the time. When he is down all he wants to do is be alone and play video games. He gets angry when I suggest we do anything else. He says if I'm bored I can leave. It's hurtful.
The other night I went a little crazy... I was drunk to the point where I did not remember doing this but I left the bar and was trying to find him. I texted him a dozen times, called him literally 25 times, and showed up at his apartment and then the only other place I knew he would be, which is his only friend still left on campus's apartment. He took me outside and said I was acting cray and he wasn't answering because he didn't want to deal with it. We fought for a few minutes and he finally just hugged me and said he loved me and we'd figure it out. I went home and fell asleep. I saw him the next morning and apologized profusely and he said he was already over it. I have done this a few times though. Never to that level, but I have a tendency of texting him numerous times in a row when I have felt like he was ignoring me. I'm not proud of it. But I feel so desperate in those times. It's not who I am. I have never been a crazy girlfriend.
I'm just stuck. I want more than anything to be with this person. I want to make it work. But last night we got into another fight and he started going off on me saying he was still mad about the night I showed up at his friend's. That he had pent up frustration and needed to think about our relationship. Today he told me he didn't mean that. That he didn't need to think about it, but now he isn't responding to me. I'm so tired of this and I don't know what to do. I know I deserve better and I know that he can give it to me... we only have one semester left and our plans after college leave us about a six hour drive apart. I want more than anything to work through this but I can't be the only one working. How do you know when its time to give up???
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Hi! I'm seeing the theme of 'effort' written large here. About how you are always making it. Effort of course represents 'investment'. We drop out when we feel our present level of investment has exceeded any return we are likely to see. It looks a lot like you've passed your 'break even' point to me? I'm seeing a guy who just isn't on-board here. At best, he's along for the ride. Unless he can commit more to the relationship I can't see you being content. I agree that the things you want are entirely reasonable. And no more than a woman has every right to expect from her partner. Neither are they beyond his capacity. They are beyond what he is willing to give, and that's not the same thing at all. You are partners. Like 'business partners' that does not mean one doing all the work while the other takes all the benefit. I appreciate that relationships usually involve some degree of compromise. However, remember that one person cannot compromise. One person can only back-off on their demands and give in to the other. Two people can 'reach a compromise' for sure. I'm telling this to you, but it is him that needs to know this and act accordingly. If he does not, cannot or will not then I think your happiness lies with someone else, I'm afraid.
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hi :) , i offered my twin brother that we would have birthday party together, that i would invite girls and he would invite boys, but he said he doesnt want girls to be on the party, so he's having birthday party on friday only with boys, he's so stubborn, he's treating me so bad, he said that in school we're not friends :( you see what brothers i have , both my twin brother and my older brother doesnt have among friends on facebook,they say they want to have some privacy on fb,..so i probably wont have any birthday :/ ....and about HIM (the Classmate)...everyday it's getting worse,i got panic attacks at school, and im always about to cry when i see him, and i always see him how is he talking with my classmate (girl), i think he likes, and how he always sits near her, and to me he doesnt even go near me nor talk to me , nor look at me,if only he knew how much it hurts me its really bad,what should i do about him ?? Should i tell him everything , how i feel ? i dont want to go to school anymore bc of him and no one likes me there, even my twin brother treats to me like im piece of s*it which i probably am, and when i sit during break i talk with my friend, i always ask her something but she never asks me anything personal, why ??..i guess sh's not.my true friend... Im always nice to everyone in class...you see no one in my class likes me not even my brothers(why i dont have normal brothers?)...so whats the point of living, please what should i do ? i cant bear it anymore and there is the guote that explains everything : " im always either used, replaced or forgotten. I understand that. But what i dont understand why. I always try my hardest to make people happy and to mean something to them. But it never works. Im always worth shit to everyone, everytime." , (link)
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Mate! We've been here already. Please believe me, this is just a (very!) low self-esteem talking here. It's distorting every situation, twisting it all out of shape. OK, we might have to face the fact that the party is probably not going to happen. It's time your twin brother grew up a bit, by the sound of things. He probably will, eventually. For now leave him to his mates and his childish attitude. It's his problem, not yours. It's the same with the guy you fancy. You're evaluating yourself on what other people think of you. Even worse, your perception of their value is all messed-up by your low self-esteem. We might say that not only is your idea of your own value completely wrong, the whole currency you're counting it in is worthless. A lot of people go through an 'identity crisis' like this. Most of them come out of it at the other end. Many of them hide it, just like you are hiding it, so that we may not ever know what demons they are fighting with inside. And YOU are going to get through it too. First objective is simply containment. Don't think about a 'cure' yet. Your priority right now is just 'stop the bleeding'. Come on, dig deep. The answers are in you. Not your crush, not your parents, not your brothers. You can and will live without their permission. You do not need their consent or approval to live and be happy. What are you worth? Can you imagine a guy richer than Bill Gates? He will reach the end of his life one day, and all his riches and assets will not buy him one extra minute of life. So. Tell me now, what is a life worth? (No malicious intent or offence towards the excellent Mr Gates of course, just chose him because of his near-legendary wealth!). This low self-esteem can be really crippling. But, as I'm sure we said, it is not a psychiatric condition needing medication, and it is something we can turn around. I can see this negative self-image in how you write. There are patterns and dynamics here. Example? "I'm always nice...it never works". If your self-esteem was higher you would say "I usually do all I can to be nice....sometimes it just does not work." It's time to start building that new 'you' we talked about. And as soon as possible. X
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That was one of the most creatively helpful words *anyone* has ever spoke about my writing! :'D Unfortunately, I was born from my mother as a perfectionist; always do I start over on anything really and begin again. Which sadly repeats itself; I am never satisfied with anything I do. :( I was wondering once I fluently learn more "colorful" (as I enjoy describing it :D ) vocabulary and conduct a fresh start, I politely ask of you if you may read a part of it and give me more of your mega helpful feedback? I'd deeply appreciate it! :)
Plus, do you have any tips on learning vocabulary more easily and rapidly? (link)
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Hi there. You are more than welcome to share anything, anytime. I did enjoy reading it. So, you're a perfectionist? Channel it! What's great about 'satisfied' anyway? Once satisfied we stay where we are. We stop seeking and pushing ahead. We stop and stagnate. The down-side? The constant refining and polishing makes us so familiar with our work that we sometimes lose sight of it's true merit. It seems to have lost it's impact, but it is only familiarity which has blunted it. Don't be afraid to show your work to fresh eyes, people seeing it for the first time are better placed to see that spark. A similar thing occurs with photographers, and painters. And like a photographer, only exhibit your best! Regarding vocabulary, it's generally considered that a wide vocabulary is probably the best indication of someone's intellect. Why? Because it shows they have grown-up with and spend time with people of education and thus a large vocabulary. And it indicates we have probably at some time read books. You don't write in a stilted way, or show any signs of the limited vocabulary of life's less educated individuals. I don't want to be judgemental, but I'm sure you know what I mean? Just keep talking and interacting with the right people, and when you write never be tempted to 'come down a level' in an attempt to make yourself more accessible. It's up to them to 'come up a level'. There's more to 'vocabulary' than a count of how many words you know and employ in your everyday speech of course. You definitely have a broad emotional and visual vocabulary. The short passage you wrote paints 'word pictures' with very vivid, flowing brush-strokes and is very emotionally charged. Try not to lose this by overcomplicating things. Don't over-cook it, in other words! I don't know! Making things look intuitive, natural and simple is quite probably the hardest thing on earth to achieve, eh? How ironic! Hear from you again, I hope?
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i am 14 as well and i've been so insecure about panty lines since the 6th grade. I absolutely hate them and they make me feel feel uncomfortable.Its something that would just make me feel a lot more confident and less embarassed. I even cut up my normal underwear attempting to make thongs. Yea some of my friends wear them. It influences me in a way. I want them for me and not to show off to friends or boys. Im not like that and i never will be. Im a straight a student at the moment and a competitve soccer player. My parents trust me and i trust them. Why do they think the type of under wear i wear will make me magically a slut? My friend bought me some thongs and just normal under wear from PINK. They were super cute. Before this, i didnt know my parents felt so strong about thongs and i thought it was ok since so many of my friends wear them. My mom was moving over my laundry and found a thong. She got very upset thinking i was hiding it from her. I told her my friend got them for me and she thought i was lying. I started crying because i wasn lying and if i knew how she felt i would have told her about it. I was so happy to not feel so insecure about my panty line and she took them away from me. (link)
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That's a tricky one since parents take a somewhat different view of things from that of an impartial party. I think your argument for thongs sounds perfectly reasonable and well-considered. Your mother probably sees them as some gateway to a slutty and promiscuous daughter! Have you made the comfort and confidence argument in full with your Mom yet? In a rational and measured way? If not, script it like you've written it here and try it. Your thong-wearing friends could well be the persuader you need. Are their moms and yours friendly? If she could see quite clearly that her friend's daughter of 14 wears thongs and has apparently NOT been transformed into a promiscuous, sex-mad flirt, flashing them to any boy available it will probably help your case no end. Talking things over with other adults in the same position/situation often gives us a much clearer perspective. Over-reactions are seen as such. And the really important things (your grades, and obvious self-respect for instance) also take up their proper place and value. Obviously, if one of the thong-wearing gang has got a tendency to flirt and play-up to the guys a bit, make sure you choose a different advocate for your case! Choose someone rather like yourself, and who's Mom is rather like yours in their values and outlook.
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May someone please be kind enough to give me constructive criticism, and maybe give me some advice on what areas to improve in? Thank you! :D
This is what I have completed so far. I'm fully aware that it's immensely depressing, but I promise you it's going to soar smoother and more optimistic later on in my novel.
"Done. Beyond done I am of ferociously fighting against myself, against who I am. I cannot function a state of emotional nor mental stability any further than I have for the last eight years. I am exhausted and mentally ill. Where am I leading myself to in this everlasting journey to God knows where? Could I act "cowardly" as innumerable, heartless people call it by overdosing on my prescription drugs of a wide diversity? If I can be bravely honest here, I have attempted such a horrific suicide once before. Yet, like everything else in my damned worthless existence, I had failed like my father when he endeavors to quit taking cancerous drags from his cigarettes.
Far into the dark night scene I can manage to focus my ordinary green eyes on the yellowed colors in the luminous lights from the street lamps. Oh, how gorgeous they are surrounding the Main Street road. A car is racing at 50mph, far too rushing but why should I care? I'm impatiently awaiting the cold arrival of my death either way. If this car doesn't do the job, then I can lie and say I was stupidly not paying attention to what was driving into my dull presence. That I was far too tired, that no thought crept into my mind full of scattered pessimistic words, I was thinking too much - but that I intentionally intervened in the continuous journey they were leading? I could never."
I yearn to improve as much as I'm able, so please any advice would be appreciated and fully be brought into my consideration. :) (link)
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Well! That's really drawn me in. It's kind of edgy and it's got a nice economy of words. It packs a lot of information in there without wasting any words. I'm thinking Joseph Conrad? (Heart of Darkness, and many other stories, often short). I'd hate to interrupt that edgy, driving flow you've got going on here by adding bits within this passage. Maybe you could make it into a chapter by initially building up how you got to this place and time and pitch? Then deliver this powerful passage as it stands? Is it good? Mate, it's way beyond what the majority of people could come up with. Ever. But the majority don't want to become authors. Only way to find out if you have what it takes is the time-honoured method of approaching publishers. They have that sixth-sense of knowing what will sell, and exactly when and where to put stuff out there. But I'd say definitely keep on with the creative writing. Hey! I want to hear more of this episode! It's very intense. Too intense to be sustained throughout the whole body of work. Like the best film directors, good authors often build-up tension and then let it ebb away many times, denying the the viewer/reader the climax they desire. Where IS your character going next? Is this the start of their final rage against life? Or will there be a redemption....this time? Is it the bitter end, or just a milestone moment on the road to it? Will the end be bitter, or sweet? You've got me. I wanna KNOW!!
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I'm wondering how ancient timelines work. Like in BCE, are larger numbers older or smaller numbers. For example, did 8000 BCE come first or 1000 BCE? I'm asking this because I'm writing something about history and I don't wanna sound stupid. (link)
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Is it any help to think of BC as the 'year zero' on the timeline? To the left of zero the numbers are effectively negative, and as such the higher the number the 'more negative' it is (just like the conventional 'number line') and thus longer ago. To the right of 'zero' the numbers increase in the usual manner. To find the time elapsed between a BCE date and required date since, we have to add the values. So 1000 BCE was 3017 years ago. 1001 BCE was 2018 years ago and 999 BCE was 2016 years ago. When we are wholly to the left of 'year zero' 1500 BCE was longer ago than 1000 BCE.
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Hi :) its me again..on next i have birthdays -18th...and i would like to have some small party with some of my friends..but i dont know where i would organise it bc at home i cant do it bc parents are always at home..any idea where could i do it ?..and also im afraid that if i threw a party, it would be boring bc im not really funny, it would be fun if boys from my class would come but my twin brother doesnt want to have any birthday party, and i only talk to boys in my class bc my brother is friend with them..so it would be awkward if i´d invited them...and also there is one thing..my twin brother goes almost every friday out with boys-his friends, which they´re my classmates, and i dont know but i feel that i need to go out and i feel antisocial when i sit at home at friday night,i always see snapchat stories of my clasmmares, how they´re having fun, and im not :// even though im introvert i like to go out, but the problem is i dont really have someone to go out with, i have best friend, i go out with her once in a month bc she´s busy, i have some friends in class but im scared to ask them to hang out with me bc i´ve been rejected, and i dont want to be rejected again, ... i wish i had normal teenage life, going to partys or hanging out w/ my friends, but instead im so f*cking depressed, everyone in class thinks im happy bc i always laugh, but i just hide my pain inside me, behind my smile, i have "smiling depression", no one knows how i really feel, bc m scared to tell anyone, i would only told it to HIM (the classmate), bc i confessed to him about my feelings (something personal), but i would be afraid that he would told it to my twin brother, bc i dont want him to know that im depressed- even though we´re twins , we are not close, i would tell him it but he doesnt tell me anything, he didnt tell him he had gf, i cant even see who is he writing with, i cant even hug him or touch him, i dont know why he does it , but it makes me sad :/ (link)
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Hi! What we might call the 'logistics' (the actual facts of who, when, where and how etc) of this problem seem very tricky. Because your available group all share a friendship/acquaintance with your brother and you do not want him to know. Including him 'in' is not really an option and including him 'out' is impossible. Tricky indeed! You do not appear to share much with him from what you have said. Possibly working on this relationship will give the best long term results. Owning-up to depression is a difficult thing to do, even to close family members. He seems to be very deliberately shutting you out of his life? Finding out why would appear to me to be the very 'key' you need? Now, eighteen is an age where the dynamics and terms of friendships and relationships should be different from, or at least moving well away from, those of childhood/youth and towards adulthood. You need some allies. To help organise a party and provide a location. How about enlisting your best friend? Mention to the male friends you share that you feel like getting a party going. You want them 'on your side' so hopefully he will not be able to resist the force! I appreciate fear of rejection works like a massive brake on what we fel we can and cannot dare to attempt. You are most definitely not the only one who finds the idea of a knock-back unpleasant. We all do! Our aim is that you, your brother and the common friends all share a social scene which is a bit more open, more affectionate and inclusive. Not exclusive. That's a great group to be in at eighteen. Seeing the whole problem, and looking for an equally whole solution will make it look like a massive mountain to climb. It always does. And you will see it as your own mountain, which you have to conquer alone. What we need to do quite often is to just get that first bit of 'positive energy' flowing. Just one person on your side. Then draw others in. Once the project can build up a bit of that essential thing we call 'momentum' then it gets rolling. With a strong and positive force of it's own. And we all get carried along with it. Nobody rejects a proposition when the proposition starts sounding like FUN!! I'm sorry, I don't seem to have a guaranteed 'operational plan' I can roll-out for you. You already have your objectives. What you want. How you would like things to be. You have listed them in your note to me. That's the perfect place to start. Aims and objectives! Now take a deep breath and start getting that momentum going. Just try. If some aspects seem to fail, try again. Fail again? No worries, fail again. But fail a bit better! You're putting in that positive energy all the time. That energy has to change something. It has to affect something. It might not look like it instantly, but it does. You do not see the hour hand of a clock moving, but it does. You cannot see the wind, but you can see it's effects. Persistence pays-off eventually. Matter of fact, all this works in a lot of life-situations. Not just organising a party! X
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Hello,I've got a problem,kinda...I'm going to tell you whats this "problem" about...ever since I was a little girl I loved to sing and make up my own songs,and later when I was older I realised that singing and music is something that I enjoy doing and that it is something that I love...I tried to tell my mom that but she thinks this is just temporary and that later I won't care about this(she told me this 2 yrs ago)...but I still do.I am from a country named Bosnia and English is not my first language,but I knew how to speak it since I was 3 yrs old(and not many people are good as I am at English so thats rare here).My mom wants me to do something I dont want to,but thats something she wanted to do when she was my age,and she is excited that I would be able to live her dream...I want to be a singer and write my own songs,but she wants me to be a translator for companies and something like that idk...I dont know how to tell her thats not what I want,and that music is my passion without hurting her feelings...Please help me,I dont know what to do. (link)
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Your English is excellent and perhaps it is no coincidence that your mother would like you to work in translation, maybe of business English for a company I would guess? There are certainly more vacancies for this than there are for singer-songwriters. Now quite a lot of artistes, when they become successful, well-know and even sometimes world-famous will tell of the job they were doing when they started out. Sometimes it is just casual work like filling shelves in a supermarket. So how about taking the 'day job' just to pay the bills while you keep composing and working on your ideas in all the time you have over? Songwriting is not, I should think a 9 to 5 Monday to Friday thing? If and when the breaks and opportunities start to appear you can just give notice and quit the day job. You will have gained some useful work-experience and should be able to drop back into the same work if things do not go as quickly as planned or are not quite as lucrative as you would hope. Naturally, if the media career takes-off big-time you won't have time to work in an office as well. I hope you make it in the media/performing arts world of course. Some do. But it is good to have something to keep the cash coming in while you are starting out (the toughest time for any artist) and we should all try and have that 'Plan B' to fall back on. I would imagine if your mum saw you leave the office job because you had just secured a contract with a big advance she would not mind at all. Parents mostly just want their kids to be happy and secure, and it does not matter at all whether it is secure as a translator or secure as a singer-songwriter. She probably feels that the regular day job is a much safer option and that is why she is promoting it. Is there any reason why you have to choose right now? Can you run the two side-by-side for now? Choices are not engraved in stone, as you might say. You can reverse them at any time and embark on a new path. How about looking for some sort of work in media related companies? Record companies and TV and radio studios have many staff besides the performers. You would be putting yourself in the right spot to meet the people who can help you as well. Making contacts and connections. Ideally, are there any media organisations which would really like someone fluent in English and Bosnian? English is regarded as the universal language of business and commerce. Mainly because the Americans speak it! Good luck, and I hope you might find something in my reply which is helpful.
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...to try to "tame" my crippling anxiety in a way. I m 1000% against filing for any disability, no matter how horrid and unbearable my anxiety is. I despise the very thought of *not* working, so disability is not a potential option.
I am seriously thinking of applying at Cato, the clothing store. But I m TERRIFIED of dealing with money in any way. How can I overcome this horrendous fear? I ve never worked in the public before, only in a factory for a brief period, so does anyone have any advice on working in a clothing store or just in general public?
Thank you so much! (link)
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Hi there! First off, full marks for not letting anxiety determine your path. Get on top of it, then it can't get on top of you. eh? A customer-facing role is a brave move and, I should say likely to be a very beneficial one indeed. we all have fears and anxieties, brave is when you do it anyway! So, you've no doubt experienced the retail world many times, from the customer side. It's actually a really controlled environment. What we might call 'procedural'. Customer and customer-service staff nearly always follow a rather rigid set of rules, or conventions. Payment-handling is 100 percent procedural. Be it cash or electronic fund transfer (cards, in other words). After a few days you'll find handling transactions becomes second-nature and quite an easy game, actually. Clothing is an excellent choice too. As a rule, we buy clothes because we want to, not because we have to. We browse, we consider. Ponder. we try on likley candidates. It's a positive, voluntary and basically 'feel-good' retail experience. So your customer will typically be well-disposed towards the staff, and largely in a 'good mood'. Compare this to shopping for food. Sometimes it's pleaure, choosing things we fancy. Planning a special meal? Sometimes 'the weekly food shop' is just a drag, and we wished we were somewhere else. Or how about fuel for your car? Hands up who likes buying fuel. Nobody? Didn't think so! Argumentative and unhelpful customers are far more likely to appear in these two branches of retail. Likewise, people like clothes and they like looking good. It's easier to get interested in the stock. In contrast, well...one bag of carrots looks much like another! Not too interesting, really. If you really like clothes and fashion yourself, it might be a gateway to a position with areally high-class couturier selling slick and beautiful designer clothing. And we all like that, right? Just go for it. Processing payments is, at the risk of stating the obvious, such a fundamental part of the job that you'll get more accurate, faster and more efficient at it automatically. Whether you want to, or think you will, or not. Don't overthink this, just apply. Right now!
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I'm in university, and a number of events and people have recently made me realize that it would be good for me to talk to a counselor. There is a number posted in my residence to call to make an appointment.
I'm just terrified to call. I have never enjoyed phone calls, and it usually takes me a couple false starts before I actually make the call.
This time it has been a week and I still haven't got up the courage to make the call and now I am getting really stressed about it. I know I need to do it, I just can't seem to make myself press the call button.
Any suggestions? (link)
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Hi. If it's any help I should say that 9 out of every 10 people who have called that counselor wrestled with just the same anxiety as you are feeling right now. It's rather like contacting a doctor for a check-up when we feel sure something is wrong. We badly want answers but we're more than a little afraid of what the answer might be! And were as stubborn as mules, us humans. Well, a lot of us. We just don't like admitting we need a helping hand sometimes. And there you will be, face to face with them. Intimidating, or what?? Your counselor, just like a doctor, will be expecting this apprehension. He/she will not be phased, or shocked or put-off whatever you have to say or by your approach. It is their job, after all. After you have made that appointment the real nuts and bolts of the job can start. And like a rollercoaster ride, once the car is rolling you can't back out, eh? It will get easier once you get into the thing. And hopefully you'll quickly start getting some help with those problems which are prompting you to phone. Nobody is forcing you to make that call. It's a positive act of self-determination. It's taking a grip of the reins, rather than letting the beast run away with you and take you wherever it will. It's a bit scary at first but it's got to be done. And you're probably better at it than you think you are going to be.
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I just want to feel feel pretty sometimes. So basically back in December my friend and I were walking around a mall and some guy came up to her and said "hey sweetness" which is slang for "hey beautiful" I just shrugged it off because in high school all the guys used to chase her and I was always the invisible friend pushed to the side. So last Friday that same friend and another girl and I went to a different mall and we saw a group of guys. Long story short those guys followed us throughout the whole mall but I know If my pretty friend wasn't there they wouldn't have bothered. So my friend tested it by waving at one of them and the guy nearly had a heart attack and he was basically walking backwards watching her leave after waving back. So then my other friend she was dressed nice was saying those guys were coming for her and my pretty friend and didn't even acknowledge me at all. I'm used to it though so I didn't say anything. So I just need some tips to look more attractive, here's a description on how I look,so I'm 18 but I have a baby face so people sometimes mistake me for 13 I want to start wearing makeup but I need a job first cause I can't really afford makeup right now. There's nothing wrong with my body it's on the curvy side but I cover it up with baggy clothes because when I don't, guys approach me and I already know it's for the wrong reasons. One time I was wearing a maxi skirt and a guy cat called me from his car and then when I turned around he had a look of shock when he saw my face and quickly sped away. Anyways my friend she wears makeup and she's curvy as well but she was wearing her winter jacket, so was I so you couldn't see either of our shapes. The difference with the both of us that we're both black but she's light skinned like Rihanna and I'm dark skinned like Kelly Rowland and if you look online you can see dark skinned black girls go through a lot of struggles. I was hit on back in September wearing my baggy clothes by some guy but I turned him down cause I was 17 at the time and he looked about 20 (I turned 18 in December) and he was also an international student so even though we both go to the same school we would be culturally different (link)
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I would say adviceman49 has hit the nail on the head. Maximise your positives, and eliminate the negatives! How about checking out some life-style magazines (there are so many!) and/or some all-out fashion publications like Harpers, Vogue and Cosmopolitan. Who's built like you? Who has that youthful (very much in demand, whoever heard a woman say she wished she looked older??) face? How do they dress? How do they make-up? Which do you admire? Forget all about looking 'easy' or 'slutty' and all that rubbish. How do those girls actually look? The word is SENSATIONAL! Not every guy who cat-calls or wolf-whistles you is gonna even get close, is he? You've sussed that some guys are just oppotunists and punters and you keep them at arm's length, by the sound of it? Of course, when you spot one who's making all the right moves, showing some potential, and thinking you might want to get to know him a little better? You're well placed, looking great and you know it! Naturally it's important if or when a relationship comes about that you click on many different levels. But that visual attraction is and will nearly always be our first 'point of contact'. The thing that makes us want to know more. Go on. Knock 'em dead!
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Hi :), i already confessed to him about my feelings last year, before summer holidays,and i cried every of them :/, he said he's busy and that he doesnt want any relationship right now,and that we should stay friends...but i dont know why he doesnt talk to me and i feel ashamed bc he rejected me and i found that he liked one girl from our class,he probably still does...to be honest i dont know long i can bear it , but it not all all bc of him, im so depressed ,bc i feel like everyone hates me , and no one likes me and never will:/ i feel like no one in my class likes me, i have 3 friends but they' re not really close ones, i dont know why but i cant get comfortable woth anyone in my class, im just really,nice, polite,shy and introvert but despite it i try to talk a lot, i dont why but im afraid of people to my class, i think its bc in elementary school I was bullied, and people always let me down, ive never been out with my classmates bc i always invite them, they say yes, but in the end they will cancel it , or tney will tell me straight away they cant go,or i will say hello and they will just look at me say nothing and also i always sit with my friend during classes, and i will tell her somethinf and she would be like shhh be quiet even when everyone talks and then i feel like nothing, and there girls in my class, these two are really good friends with each other, but im friend with them too,but they lean on each other shoulders ,or take pictures...but the problem with me is that i would like to take selfie with them but im afraid to ask them,that they would say no, or i wouldnt spontaneously lean my head on their shoulder bc i dont know if they're comfortable with,even though im depressed i dont know why hut i always laugh really hard at school, i dont know why but everyone thinks im so happy and smiley but i hide it...and also i dont have any confidence and i think im so ugly bc of my older brother, he always tell me how fat i am ,that i look i like guy, and have lots of nicknames for me and , he's abusing me emotionally, and i can "thank" to him that bc of him i have dificulties at making friends and i have no confidence, also my father hates but he loves my two brothers, things would rrally change i somebody would really care for, ans love me for who i am, i have best friend from elementary school, she will always help me, but she goes to diferent high school snd she is busy...im so sorry its too long, but i dont really have someone to Talk to , and i had to get it off my chest and also sorry for my english (link)
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Hi there! You really are in a bit of a dark place here by the sound of it. It all sounds to me like the effects and symptoms of very low sel-esteem. This makes us see things in a rather distorted way. Not like they really are. When our self-esteem is flying high the very same situations appear completely different. Let's look at a few of them. If one particular guy does not want to be in a relationship with you that does not mean you are unattractive to ALL guys. It's about him really, isn't it? You might look at guys with their girlfriends and think "I would not go for him myself" quite probably? I sincerely doubt your father hates you. I think YOU hate YOURSELF at the moment and you are simply seeing as you feel. Seeing your brothers get what looks like more love and attention. You don't think you deserve love and attention? That's what low self-esteem tends to do. Brother and sister teasing and trading insults is very common too. It's that sibling rivalry, competing for attention. Saying things that are guranteed to hurt, even when they are completely untrue. A girl with a sensitive nature will often find them very hurtful indeed and they will unfortunately kind of 'stick' too. And give her a poor self-image and thus lower her self-esteem. It is one of those situations where 'growing a thicker skin' as you might say is a real help. Hey! If he gives you a verbal knock-down come right back at him with a cutting comment of your own. He's being an emotional bully, and there is only one way to treat bullies. Stand up to them and give some back in return! That's a fine way to build up some self-esteem. When ours is low we sacrifice the little we have trying to win the esteem of others. We give-in too easily, forget about our own needs. You are doubting how 'good' your friends are? Another classic symptom. Why should they like ME? I'm not of much value, am I? No wonder nobody likes me! Are you seeing a pattern and a common thread running through all these doubts and worries? The thread is low self-esteem. There are lots of problems posted on this site. Have a quick look and see how many of them we could put down to a negative self-image and low self-esteem. Quite a lot, aren't there? The really great news is that it's not a life condition. You are not stuck with it and unable to do anything about it. We can rebuild our self-esteem. And rebuild it very successfully indeed. People do it all the time. Many find the process so effective a confident and assertive new 'me' they did not know was even in them emerges. There are many self-help guides out there. Published in books or on the internet. How about doing some research? The step by step guides work best. We cannot build the new 'me' instantly. Overnight. It's a gradual process. Will you give that a try for me? Let me know how you get on too? Step one is identifying the problem and the need for a solution. We've done that already, I think? Speak to you soon I hope? X
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i have the lowest confidence in driving in the world. especially with parking, you know, hitting a car? does anyone have any tips on driving confidence and parking? (link)
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The police and other services (ambulance, recovery etc) don't ever talk about 'road traffic accidents'. They are reported and filed as 'road traffic collisions'. An accident assumes nobody is to blame, and someone (or both parties) are always at fault in a collision. You may indeed get hit by a car while driving, or when they are parking in your driving lifetime. But your car will never 'accidentally hit something'. You are in control of your vehicle. Captain of your ship, as you might say. Parking well and safely are mostly about knowing exactly where the 'four corners' of your vehicle are in relation to other vehicles, the pavement etc. Confidence comes through competence, and competence comes with practice. Just keep practicing whenever you get the chance. Relax, and believe in yourself mate. Just like guns don't kill people, cars don't cause collisions. It's the driver that causes the collision, every time. Cars don't skid. Drivers make cars skid. Cornering too fast? You'll slide. Whose fault is that? It's got a brake and accelerator and you're pressing them! And so on. You've got all the controls at your hands and feet. There is always a 'right place' on the road. Lanes have protocols and rules. Hence, good lane discipline is doing all you can to avoid collisions. Get your confidence by assuring and reassuring yourself that you are in control and you are in the right place on the road. You'll be fine.
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Hi :) its me again, its same as always :/, my friend(she's not my class,nobody in my class know i like.him, except for him) adviced to tell him everything how i feel,that im not okay, to get it all of my chest, do you think i should tell him , maybe i would, but probably i wont, bc i feel so ashamed, and awkward that i told how i feel about him bc one of my friends that two years ago he confessed to one of my classmate that he likes her, but she rejected him, but i think he still likes her..and knowing that it hurts even more...i've never should've told him anything !!! , he would talked to me ,not like now he just passes by me and say nothing, during breaks he sometimes randomly goes and talk to girls in class , even when im sitting with my friend, he is talking with her, he doesnt say a word to me, not even looks at me :/ why??...im just so mad at him for it , i ruined our friendship :((, i would also say to one of my friends in class but i would feel vunerable
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Hi there. It sounds like things are getting pretty complicated regarding this guy and it is causing you a lot of unhappiness and anxiety? That is not a good thing. I do not suppose you will want to hear that he is not the only guy on earth, but really he is not. None of us are. It might be time to just tell him how much you would like to try being in a relationship? I appreciate that you are horrified at doing this. You just have to steel yourself for it and do it. Like the poet said (more or less!) 'to keep on suffering our misfortunes in silence, or to take arms against a sea of troubles and put and end to them?'. It will indeed put an end to your troubles, one way or the other Let us hope in the good way. A good means of damage-limitation is to keep the conversation as light and 'matter-of-fact' as you possibly can. Keep things like..."I think you're pretty cool. I quite fancy you actually. What do you say we hang out together and see how it goes?" If he declines the invitation, just give him a "It's your loss" type of comment and just walk away. The thing is, you CAN walk away from an exchange of words like this with your dignity intact. Telling him how much you adore him, your life is awful without him and you do not want to live without him etc is something different. It is very difficult to deliver words like this and keep any dignity if he says no. As you may imagine! As far as feeling ashamed, I promise you that you have nothing to feel ashamed about whatsoever here. Hey! It isn't a crime or a sin, or an outrage against his person to fancy him. My goodness, NOBODY is that special mate! He cannot make you feel ashamed, or unhappy. Only you can do that. To yourself. It is maybe time to take arms against this particular 'sea of troubles', do you agree?
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Hi 17F.. My cousin and I am turning 18 on saturday and he is holding a HUGE party. Both our friends are invited(I have two) he has alot. I am very shy and he say I'm boring. I would really like to prove him wrong and flirt around a bit but I know literary nothing about flirting. I am have a very low self esteem. I am a little overweight. I have dark brown hair that hangs just below my bra. I wear glasses and have blue eyes. I really like my mouth. I don't really like to stand out but I am willing to try. Please help me I am desperate?
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Choose the outfit that you know you look best in. Do your make-up so that it draws attention to your best bits and understates the parts that you feel are less good. (That's what the make-up artists do. Trying to 'cover' less good bits with make-up is a common mistake, and only draws attention to the fact they are less good). Put on your game-face and attitude. Feel it's a bit of a bluff, or fake? That's exactly what it is and we all do it! When you engage with a guy, lots of eye contact and a smile when you speak. Speak quite slowly, at a lowish pitch, in other words avoid gabbling on too fast in a high pitch. Get in quick with open-ended and 'leading' questions. About him. What does he like, his plans, his job etc. Ten minutes of listening to you talk about YOU and he'll think your boring. Ten minutes of more or less letting him talk about HIM and he'll be thinking YOU are really interesting. Sound odd? It's a neat little trick to use, because most people find 'me' their favourite subject! If (not if, when....think positive!) the guy makes a complimentary remark then tilt your head slightly down and to your right and lift your eyes back up to meet his and smile. Hold it for a second or two (or three!) and when you do say something...change the subject. Look relaxed when you are standing and talking, weight a bit more one leg than another, and don't cross your arms in front of you. If you are sitting down, angle yourself towards them and lean slightly towards them, and cross your legs with the upper leg towards them, never away from them. Your cuz should now see you holding the full attention of every one of his friends you speak to. They'll tell him you're 'really nice and interesting'. then he'll just have to re-evaluate you as a woman of some allure who can attract attract any guys when she pleases! Good luck.
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okay there is this boy at my school and i really like him but if i ask him out i am scared that he will say NO! help me ! (link)
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This is one of those occasions where 'everybody else' says just ask, if you don't you'll never know, etc etc. But that doesn't really help, eh? You're still nervous as a kitten and full of anxiety! I'm afraid it really is the case though, and the quicker you do the better. Firstly because fears feed on themselves and get bigger, it gets harder the longer you wait. And secondly, if it is the dreaded 'thanks, but no thanks' the quicker you can move on and line-up another cute/hot/cool looking guy in your sights! I'll add one thing. You CANNOT mess it up, however awkwardly you pop that question and there's no right or wrong time either. If he's not that keen, then however well timed and slick your delivery is, it won't cut any ice. If he's keen (maybe just dying for an opportunity himself) then however badly you do it he'll be on it like a shot anyhow, and arranging that first date on the spot. Just go for it mate. Quite often us guys need a bit of a push, as you might say. Good luck. If he turns you down, put on your best outfit, do your make-up and go out and party with the girls and forget all about him. Good luck. X
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We have a normal house without a attic. I was wondering if its possible to build a attic? Or how to do somethint similiar? (link)
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Quite agree with adviceman49. It's a definite maybe! Although, not quite clear what your expectation or definition of an attic is? A proper living space, or just utilising that roof space for extra storage of stuff? The former is indeed going to be at least a big building project with a price tag to match. Possibly very big. The latter is a much more modest undertaking. The former would indeed add value to your property, since it sprouts and extra 'room'. The latter will not. I can't say there is anything you could call similar to an attic. You could build an extension (outwards rather than upwards) if space permits, but a quality job will not be any quicker or cheaper than 'extending upwards' as it were.
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My crush found out that I like him. Wd are friends and stuff. He's being super sweet about it. He's acting extremely chill and stuff. Like normal. But it's clear that he doesn't feel the same towards me. Even though he never said so. But I feel this guilt pit right in my core and it keeps dragging me down. How do I make myself feel better? (link)
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Guilt is undoubtedly the most negative and unproductive emotion and especially so when it's misplaced. Like here. There's absolutely nothing to feel guilty, awkward or ashamed about here. You can feel a bit down, because he doesn't feel the way you feel. That'll pass. A few good chats and parties out with your mates, and probably a cool new potential-boyfriend or two in your sights and you'll wonder what you saw in him anyway. Not every penny fits the slot, and that's a fact. The best way to feel better is to be better. The best way to get over someone is to live well without them. That's the best revenge too, by the way. If you're feeling a bit vindictive! Go on and live large, laugh loud, love again and party. Life's just too short for wasting time on regrets and looking back. And what have you got to regret exactly? You rolled the dice, told him how you feel. OK, it didn't quite go to plan this time. But you did all you could. Tomorrow's a new day. New dice. New game.
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Hello, I'm the same girl who asked about how to get my ex back after breaking up with him, but I'm starting to rethink things a little bit now. When I wrote my last question I hadn't had time to think about all the things I truly didn't like about our relationship and was just thinking about the things I did like.
Anyways, I thought I'd write out a pros and cons list and maybe get some help with deciding whether it would be worth it or not.
Pro's:
We enjoyed each others company most of the time and he even wanted me to move in with him.
He never insulted me and was very sweet.
We didn't argue much until the end when were both under a ton of stress from outside sources.
He was devoted to me and I knew he was the type who would never cheat.
We both have good jobs and want a lot of the same things. We both have our own places, cars, etc so we're both independent which means neither of us have to rely too much on the other.
Con's:
His mother is incredibly overbearing. She would call him several times a day and tried to demand things of me.
I felt like he misrepresented what kind of job he had for several months until he finally became more clear on what he does, which wasn't up to par with what he originally said, though it is still a good job.
I hated his friends, they were all much older than me and I thought they were very boring and looked down on me for being several years younger than them.
I hated his taste in music, he would constantly listen to old school rap which isn't my thing at all.
I disliked his taste in food, I'm big on cooking and trying new things so when he mostly just wanted cheap foods like freezer pizzas and taco bell I would get irritated.
I felt like he exaggerated his accomplishments and acted like he was better than other people. For example: he would tell people all the time that he was a valedictorian, but left out that this was at a small town high school with 50 students, NOT from the college he graduated from. Or he told people he lived in Egypt and acted like he knew everything about it when he was there as a young child for only a year.
He would go out of his way to buy things he couldn't realistically afford to make people think he had a lot of money. He would also dress way more formal for work than the dress code to make people think he was upper class.
I feel like most of the cons are small things that I could ignore this time around, but I also feel like there's some big issues there. I don't know whether I'm being too analytical on this though?
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Hi! That's as good a piece of analysis as I've seen mate. And a good conclusion in that many of the cons are superficial and just typical of the kind of 'differences' between any two people. What I'm seeing re. the bigger issues is that the dominant and overbearing mother may be responsible for both his major virtues AND vices. Respectful and deferential to women, with a well-developed sense of loyalty. A strong mother will cultivate this in a man. It could also instil a need to achieve highly and succeed in order to win her high estimation. And if he feels he has fallen short of this high mark, then a guy may well resort to tactics which are more or less delusional. Or at least, greatly exaggerated. To take just one example, if a mother constantly presses the importance of 'looking your best' then you'll most likely end up with a sharp dressing guy. If he feels his best is still sadly lacking in her eyes, then he may well over-compensate....hence, overdress? Possibly the key to deciding whether to try again is this. How much can you isolate/negate/remove the influence of his mother? I'd probably suggest that if you do lock horns with Mom, as it were, then don't fight her on her own terms. She's had more practice than you! Open-up a new front, as it were. You try hard to accentuate and build on the stuff he's getting right and try to flatter and coerce him out of the stuff he's getting wrong. Rather than being critical and trying to bully them out of him. Since an over-critical and 'hard to please' mother was probably the cause of many of them!
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