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mythejane99


Question Posted Saturday January 14 2017, 4:48 pm

Hi :), i already confessed to him about my feelings last year, before summer holidays,and i cried every of them :/, he said he's busy and that he doesnt want any relationship right now,and that we should stay friends...but i dont know why he doesnt talk to me and i feel ashamed bc he rejected me and i found that he liked one girl from our class,he probably still does...to be honest i dont know long i can bear it , but it not all all bc of him, im so depressed ,bc i feel like everyone hates me , and no one likes me and never will:/ i feel like no one in my class likes me, i have 3 friends but they' re not really close ones, i dont know why but i cant get comfortable woth anyone in my class, im just really,nice, polite,shy and introvert but despite it i try to talk a lot, i dont why but im afraid of people to my class, i think its bc in elementary school I was bullied, and people always let me down, ive never been out with my classmates bc i always invite them, they say yes, but in the end they will cancel it , or tney will tell me straight away they cant go,or i will say hello and they will just look at me say nothing and also i always sit with my friend during classes, and i will tell her somethinf and she would be like shhh be quiet even when everyone talks and then i feel like nothing, and there girls in my class, these two are really good friends with each other, but im friend with them too,but they lean on each other shoulders ,or take pictures...but the problem with me is that i would like to take selfie with them but im afraid to ask them,that they would say no, or i wouldnt spontaneously lean my head on their shoulder bc i dont know if they're comfortable with,even though im depressed i dont know why hut i always laugh really hard at school, i dont know why but everyone thinks im so happy and smiley but i hide it...and also i dont have any confidence and i think im so ugly bc of my older brother, he always tell me how fat i am ,that i look i like guy, and have lots of nicknames for me and , he's abusing me emotionally, and i can "thank" to him that bc of him i have dificulties at making friends and i have no confidence, also my father hates but he loves my two brothers, things would rrally change i somebody would really care for, ans love me for who i am, i have best friend from elementary school, she will always help me, but she goes to diferent high school snd she is busy...im so sorry its too long, but i dont really have someone to Talk to , and i had to get it off my chest and also sorry for my english

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rainhorse68 answered Monday January 16 2017, 6:19 am:
Hi there! You really are in a bit of a dark place here by the sound of it. It all sounds to me like the effects and symptoms of very low sel-esteem. This makes us see things in a rather distorted way. Not like they really are. When our self-esteem is flying high the very same situations appear completely different. Let's look at a few of them. If one particular guy does not want to be in a relationship with you that does not mean you are unattractive to ALL guys. It's about him really, isn't it? You might look at guys with their girlfriends and think "I would not go for him myself" quite probably? I sincerely doubt your father hates you. I think YOU hate YOURSELF at the moment and you are simply seeing as you feel. Seeing your brothers get what looks like more love and attention. You don't think you deserve love and attention? That's what low self-esteem tends to do. Brother and sister teasing and trading insults is very common too. It's that sibling rivalry, competing for attention. Saying things that are guranteed to hurt, even when they are completely untrue. A girl with a sensitive nature will often find them very hurtful indeed and they will unfortunately kind of 'stick' too. And give her a poor self-image and thus lower her self-esteem. It is one of those situations where 'growing a thicker skin' as you might say is a real help. Hey! If he gives you a verbal knock-down come right back at him with a cutting comment of your own. He's being an emotional bully, and there is only one way to treat bullies. Stand up to them and give some back in return! That's a fine way to build up some self-esteem. When ours is low we sacrifice the little we have trying to win the esteem of others. We give-in too easily, forget about our own needs. You are doubting how 'good' your friends are? Another classic symptom. Why should they like ME? I'm not of much value, am I? No wonder nobody likes me! Are you seeing a pattern and a common thread running through all these doubts and worries? The thread is low self-esteem. There are lots of problems posted on this site. Have a quick look and see how many of them we could put down to a negative self-image and low self-esteem. Quite a lot, aren't there? The really great news is that it's not a life condition. You are not stuck with it and unable to do anything about it. We can rebuild our self-esteem. And rebuild it very successfully indeed. People do it all the time. Many find the process so effective a confident and assertive new 'me' they did not know was even in them emerges. There are many self-help guides out there. Published in books or on the internet. How about doing some research? The step by step guides work best. We cannot build the new 'me' instantly. Overnight. It's a gradual process. Will you give that a try for me? Let me know how you get on too? Step one is identifying the problem and the need for a solution. We've done that already, I think? Speak to you soon I hope? X

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