|
feeling antisocial
Hi :) its me again..on next i have birthdays -18th...and i would like to have some small party with some of my friends..but i dont know where i would organise it bc at home i cant do it bc parents are always at home..any idea where could i do it ?..and also im afraid that if i threw a party, it would be boring bc im not really funny, it would be fun if boys from my class would come but my twin brother doesnt want to have any birthday party, and i only talk to boys in my class bc my brother is friend with them..so it would be awkward if i´d invited them...and also there is one thing..my twin brother goes almost every friday out with boys-his friends, which they´re my classmates, and i dont know but i feel that i need to go out and i feel antisocial when i sit at home at friday night,i always see snapchat stories of my clasmmares, how they´re having fun, and im not :// even though im introvert i like to go out, but the problem is i dont really have someone to go out with, i have best friend, i go out with her once in a month bc she´s busy, i have some friends in class but im scared to ask them to hang out with me bc i´ve been rejected, and i dont want to be rejected again, ... i wish i had normal teenage life, going to partys or hanging out w/ my friends, but instead im so f*cking depressed, everyone in class thinks im happy bc i always laugh, but i just hide my pain inside me, behind my smile, i have "smiling depression", no one knows how i really feel, bc m scared to tell anyone, i would only told it to HIM (the classmate), bc i confessed to him about my feelings (something personal), but i would be afraid that he would told it to my twin brother, bc i dont want him to know that im depressed- even though we´re twins , we are not close, i would tell him it but he doesnt tell me anything, he didnt tell him he had gf, i cant even see who is he writing with, i cant even hug him or touch him, i dont know why he does it , but it makes me sad :/
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
Hi! What we might call the 'logistics' (the actual facts of who, when, where and how etc) of this problem seem very tricky. Because your available group all share a friendship/acquaintance with your brother and you do not want him to know. Including him 'in' is not really an option and including him 'out' is impossible. Tricky indeed! You do not appear to share much with him from what you have said. Possibly working on this relationship will give the best long term results. Owning-up to depression is a difficult thing to do, even to close family members. He seems to be very deliberately shutting you out of his life? Finding out why would appear to me to be the very 'key' you need? Now, eighteen is an age where the dynamics and terms of friendships and relationships should be different from, or at least moving well away from, those of childhood/youth and towards adulthood. You need some allies. To help organise a party and provide a location. How about enlisting your best friend? Mention to the male friends you share that you feel like getting a party going. You want them 'on your side' so hopefully he will not be able to resist the force! I appreciate fear of rejection works like a massive brake on what we fel we can and cannot dare to attempt. You are most definitely not the only one who finds the idea of a knock-back unpleasant. We all do! Our aim is that you, your brother and the common friends all share a social scene which is a bit more open, more affectionate and inclusive. Not exclusive. That's a great group to be in at eighteen. Seeing the whole problem, and looking for an equally whole solution will make it look like a massive mountain to climb. It always does. And you will see it as your own mountain, which you have to conquer alone. What we need to do quite often is to just get that first bit of 'positive energy' flowing. Just one person on your side. Then draw others in. Once the project can build up a bit of that essential thing we call 'momentum' then it gets rolling. With a strong and positive force of it's own. And we all get carried along with it. Nobody rejects a proposition when the proposition starts sounding like FUN!! I'm sorry, I don't seem to have a guaranteed 'operational plan' I can roll-out for you. You already have your objectives. What you want. How you would like things to be. You have listed them in your note to me. That's the perfect place to start. Aims and objectives! Now take a deep breath and start getting that momentum going. Just try. If some aspects seem to fail, try again. Fail again? No worries, fail again. But fail a bit better! You're putting in that positive energy all the time. That energy has to change something. It has to affect something. It might not look like it instantly, but it does. You do not see the hour hand of a clock moving, but it does. You cannot see the wind, but you can see it's effects. Persistence pays-off eventually. Matter of fact, all this works in a lot of life-situations. Not just organising a party! X
]
More Questions: |