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Do the pros outweigh the cons?
Hello, I'm the same girl who asked about how to get my ex back after breaking up with him, but I'm starting to rethink things a little bit now. When I wrote my last question I hadn't had time to think about all the things I truly didn't like about our relationship and was just thinking about the things I did like.
Anyways, I thought I'd write out a pros and cons list and maybe get some help with deciding whether it would be worth it or not.
Pro's:
We enjoyed each others company most of the time and he even wanted me to move in with him.
He never insulted me and was very sweet.
We didn't argue much until the end when were both under a ton of stress from outside sources.
He was devoted to me and I knew he was the type who would never cheat.
We both have good jobs and want a lot of the same things. We both have our own places, cars, etc so we're both independent which means neither of us have to rely too much on the other.
Con's:
His mother is incredibly overbearing. She would call him several times a day and tried to demand things of me.
I felt like he misrepresented what kind of job he had for several months until he finally became more clear on what he does, which wasn't up to par with what he originally said, though it is still a good job.
I hated his friends, they were all much older than me and I thought they were very boring and looked down on me for being several years younger than them.
I hated his taste in music, he would constantly listen to old school rap which isn't my thing at all.
I disliked his taste in food, I'm big on cooking and trying new things so when he mostly just wanted cheap foods like freezer pizzas and taco bell I would get irritated.
I felt like he exaggerated his accomplishments and acted like he was better than other people. For example: he would tell people all the time that he was a valedictorian, but left out that this was at a small town high school with 50 students, NOT from the college he graduated from. Or he told people he lived in Egypt and acted like he knew everything about it when he was there as a young child for only a year.
He would go out of his way to buy things he couldn't realistically afford to make people think he had a lot of money. He would also dress way more formal for work than the dress code to make people think he was upper class.
I feel like most of the cons are small things that I could ignore this time around, but I also feel like there's some big issues there. I don't know whether I'm being too analytical on this though?
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Hi! That's as good a piece of analysis as I've seen mate. And a good conclusion in that many of the cons are superficial and just typical of the kind of 'differences' between any two people. What I'm seeing re. the bigger issues is that the dominant and overbearing mother may be responsible for both his major virtues AND vices. Respectful and deferential to women, with a well-developed sense of loyalty. A strong mother will cultivate this in a man. It could also instil a need to achieve highly and succeed in order to win her high estimation. And if he feels he has fallen short of this high mark, then a guy may well resort to tactics which are more or less delusional. Or at least, greatly exaggerated. To take just one example, if a mother constantly presses the importance of 'looking your best' then you'll most likely end up with a sharp dressing guy. If he feels his best is still sadly lacking in her eyes, then he may well over-compensate....hence, overdress? Possibly the key to deciding whether to try again is this. How much can you isolate/negate/remove the influence of his mother? I'd probably suggest that if you do lock horns with Mom, as it were, then don't fight her on her own terms. She's had more practice than you! Open-up a new front, as it were. You try hard to accentuate and build on the stuff he's getting right and try to flatter and coerce him out of the stuff he's getting wrong. Rather than being critical and trying to bully them out of him. Since an over-critical and 'hard to please' mother was probably the cause of many of them!
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