icey0990's

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i have this friend and she got sexually abused... i don't know exactly what happened but im really worried about her. she hasn't talked at all to me and shes acting like every part of her is gone! i dont know what i can do to make her feel ANY better. i have no idea what this man did to her but it messed her up really bad! she doesnt eat, sleep, or talk! im really worried!


What should i do!

signed,
brittany

wow ..this has got to be very hard for her..what you do is talk to her..let her talk to you and cry on your shoulder..try and get her to open up to you because talking about it will help.

do some research for her..hotlines to call..local clinics that has free counseling for sexual assault victims..i think one time there was a guest speaker from planned parenthood or somewhere about sexual assault counseling..so check out your local planned parenthood

try and get her to tell authorities about this so they can lock that dirty bastard up..tell her this will bring closure to her and give her peace in a way. keep letting her know this is NOT her fault.

if she refuses to talk to authorities or parents..i would consider telling authorities myself..she might be mad at you at first, but as she recovers she will appreciate what you did

-melissa-

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I met this guy on myspace. He's really nice and hes my age. He was sweet, and he asked for my number. I said maybe tomorrow. He lives far away, like theres a few states in between us. He told me he liked me, and there was something about me. I'm nervous, and I just have mixed emotions and I just dont know what to do right now. Please, any advice.

ok this is what i would do..

i wouldnnt give out my number..not only for safety purposes but those kind of relationships just dont appeal to me at all. i mean its like mental torment..you cant see the guy in person..hold him..there is nothing.

this is only my opinion..after considering everyones view, decide for yourself on what you think

its nice to have a friend online..but i dont think online bfs are a great idea.

-melissa-

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I'm a 23/f....I met this guy online over a year ago, totally hit it off, that I moved miles to be with him, "now techically we wasnt together, but I risked it" but in that time, he started seeing someone else, we always talked about it so even though it bothered me it didnt matter.... he does care, but with in the last year we've remained very very close friends, I know it wasnt fair to his GF but there was intimacy...after awhile of being here getting setting in this town, I started looking to try and date someone else, I met another guy but he stood me up, Then my bestest friend for 12 yrs tells me he likes me, he always had even in high school, I did to back then, I liked him too, I never really got to know him On a more personal level, but the thing is he lives in another state, I fell in love with him and things are great,so great he propose in the sweetest way, i said yes...but i dont know now.... the bad thing about us 2 is the not seeing eachother, and the fact he's not moving here, cause he's families tight, but i am not moving there b/c I'm tired of giving everything I got for a guy and it not work out. But now latley the other guy I move here for has been there for me, in good or bad, no matter what it was to do with, he's stuck in there after thinking I was pregant 2times. He just broke up with his GF, which I know and he knows, That the feelings between us are still strong and there. "I even tryed to end the friendship with him about 2 wks ago." that didnt last i felt so bad. "in reality I cant have both, WHAT DO I DO.... PLEASE HELP ME! ty sorry so long... I rate this extremely high....

ok i read this over a few times and im confused..do you mean your best friend said the guy who stood you up has always liked you since high school?

well the best advice i have for you is to not wait around on something that isnt going to happen...sometimes things just dont work out..and you have to accept it and move on to the next love interest

i also think that if you helped a guy cheat on his gf..what makes you think he wont turn around on you and cheat on you?

the guy who has stuck by you seems more valid

just remember sometimes you have to move on when things are in a standstill for too long

im sorry if that didnt help but i got a little confused with who was who and stuff.
please inbox me again if this did not help

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SHould I tell my boyfriend about it?

ok yes i think you should because if stories start to fly around, your bf could get the wrong idea. your bf should respect you and understand the situation that you didnt want it to happen and it was all the guy making the moves. this way, your bf doesnt turn to you in 2 months and is like
"i cant beleive yuo kissed him!" and get into a huge fight

so yes, i would talk to him about it and tell your bf that you are going to talk to this guy and tel him your just friends, nothing else..and thats how it going to be.

-melissa- :)

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Ok I have a problem. You answerd my question about public school, except I just started talking to this guy. I thought he was going to be ok to hang out with, but he knows I have a BF, and the other day he started to kiss me. It kinda my fault in a way though, he was crying so I hugged him and kissed his forehead. Then he stoped crying and started to kiss me. I dont know how to make him leave me alone, and im afraid he will bother me at school.

ok dont be afraid that he will bother you in school.
just talk to the guy about what happened between you and that you two are ONly friends..and see how that works out.
you wont get beat up or raped over it, (in reference to your other question)
this is a common problem that a lot of girls go through and they dont get beat up or raped over it.

if it doesnt work when you tell him your ONLY frineds..inbox me again

-melissa-

:)

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my boyfriend's birthday isn't until september, but i want to put a lot of thought into his present. i have no idea what to get him. please give me as many ideas as you can. he is a huge sports freak, so it could have to do with sports maybe or anything else. thank you soo much.

this sounds really sweet how your putting in thought like that! ok i will give you as many ideas as i can..
i dont know your price range so i will name stuff in both a more expensive range and stuff thats not as expensive

-you can never go wrong with cologne ..pick out a scent you love and would be crazy about when he wears it :)

- ebayy is a good choice..because they have a ton of stuff under the sports section..autographed cards and stuff..so if i were you i would check that out and see if there was any good buys

-maybe get a football signed by a football team
(at hofstra university which is in long island..the NY Jets train there) so i would try and do something like that if you have connnections or if your able to

-maybe get a pair of tickets to a game..doesnt have to be good seats..even if they are the ones waay up high its still sweet and he would love it. maybe even blindfold him and dont take the lindfold off until he gets out of the car..he will be thrilled that hes at a game

-even if you just get him a football and a pizza he will be thrilled

hope i helped

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this will be very long..sorry! well me and my boyfriend have been going through a lot lately..and hes been wanting to me to prove to him how much i love him cause sometimes he wonders! so i went out of my way and paid my friends sister to take me to the mall so i could get him a bracelet he wanted carved with our names on it! so i spent like $74 on that and then i found the cutest card ever! well then since last night he has been acting kinda distant..like we couldnt really talk or anything! well then today he had to go help his grandpa so i thought no big deal ill talk to him when he gets home! well i looked at his buddypic thing and he took my name off and just put he had a girlfriend and added some other girl on there too which scared me! so i texted him and said something..no response! so then i called his house and he talked to me and said hed get online in a minute! well then he tells me hes going on vacation, he just got a job, and hes doing modeling so we wont really talk anymore so he thinks its best for now if we go on a break and i prove to him how much i love him! and he said after i send him his stuff he will read it all and think about it! and he said he cant talk on his cell cause his aunt wont let him and now he cant get on the computer either for like a week! it kills me so much cause ive never felt this way in my life..hes supposably bought me a promise ring and everything else! well i IMed that girl that was on his buddypic and seen what was up and i guess shes in love with him or something! and he was talking to her with me and i found out another girl says she loves him too and im so scared that he will move on although he keeps telling me he wont and those girls are too good of friends! i wanna believe him but its so hard! well i have his password for everything n he has mine too..well then he decides hes gonna change his AIM password and now i dont know what to think..im so scared something might be going on! i just dont know what to do! i have done nothing but cry since i found out! he told me after i send his stuff he will write me a letter back and i guess thats how we have to talk for now! i really dont know what to do cause im use to talking to him all day..it kills me so much! and i dunno what to do! do you have any cute ideas i could do with his card and bracelet that i can send through the mail? thanks so much!

hm..sweetie it sounds like this guy wants a break..all of a sudden hes going to be so busy like that? he pretty much broke up with you , dear. :(
i know it hurts.i have been there ..and it hurts a lot..but im going to tell you what i tell everyone else who is feeling the pains of love:

time will heal it. time is a wonderful thing. yes, time. as time goes on it will get easier for you..for now try try try to go out with friends have a really good time..do something like
-have a sleepover, go to the movies, go to the mall, hang out, swim, go to an amusement park...just keep busy because he will be keeping busy himself

the thought of him moving on is scary to you..and i bet the thouht of you moving on is scary also..but it will happen. both of you will move on and both of you are going to go through several love interests during your life. these are "the good ol days" live em up!

as time goes on, you wont think about him as much, sure at night time you will think about him and miss him..but you will find that during the day things are easier and your happier..this is good! he is going to be keeping busy, so dont mope around...

thats my advice sweetie...

as for the bracelet..well you have some options

-send it back..try to get your money back (this is what i would do because it sounds like things are over)
-send it to your guy in the mail..saying something on the card like "you wanted me to show how much i care for you..well heres how much..."
i wouldnt do this because sweetie it sounds like hes moving on

this is just my opinion..i hope i helped?

-melissa

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okay well i like this guy.. and i totally think he kinda likes me.. but im tooo scared to ask. plus if he liked me he should be the one to ask me.. . well like whenever im near hin he doesnt move away and well is that a sign he might like me. and like he gave me this bracelet so i was like yay! but that might not mean nything.. so what should i do pleaze help me how do you tell if a guy is in too you. should i like maybe hug him cuz were good friends but i dnt know how he'll respond!! help **i rate high..**

hey hun..dont worry these are all good signs . I mean, he even gave you a bracelet which is a really good sign that he like you. You say he should be the one to ask if you like him..i disagree that its always the guys job and only the guy should ask..i know your shy but you can ask how he feels about you! i bet hes really shy.
another thing you can do is get a friend ( who is friends with both you and him if possible) to ask him how he feels about you..and tell him you like him or tell him that he should ask you out or somethn. sometimes if two peope are reaally shy, they need a little nnudge from a friend. so try that if your too shy because you dont want to be sitting around forever waiting for him to ask!

not moving when you are near is a sign, getting a present is an especially good sign, smiling at you, just being near you..all good signs.

so ..i hope i helped you out!
-melissa- :)

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Would any of you agree with "a drunk man's words are a sober man's thoughts"?

The other night, my friend, who had had a few, told me he liked me, he thinks it can work between us, even that im the girl he sees himself marrying. The next day I asked him about it. I asked if he remembered what he said and he said yes. So I asked him if he meant it, and he said yes. I really like him. but im scared to take it any further because I don't know it its true.

in my experiences, i agree with that quote. im not saying its always like that..but to me it seems that "a drunk mans words are a sober mans thoughts"
You say you really like him? He said the next day he likes you so this is a goodd sign. take things slow if you want..go on a couple group dates ..hang out with him..and see whre it goes..then after that if things are going well and he seems to like you, go out with him
i hope i helped out
-melissa- :)

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Ok, I've been going to private school for 9 years, and for the first time I will be going to public. I'm really freaked out. Is public school really as bad as everyone says? I mean do people like actually get beaten up and raped? and how do I protect myself? How do I know who to hang out with? Please help me.

yeah its a lot different than home school obviously but its not that bad. no people dont get raped in school..i have never heard of such a thing! yes people get into fights occasionally (it depends on your schoool how many figts there are)
The people who are friendly are good choices to hang out with..im sure you dont want to hang with 'the wrong crowd' so get to know the smart kids.

You dont need to do much to protect yourself..just dont start any "beef" and you will be fine. the kids who figght are usually the same kids fighting so i think you will be just fine

be friendly and open to others, and you will make friends no problem!
stick to the good kids :)

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OK...

My friend has been seeing her boyfriend for just over a month now. For two weeks they didn't even hold hands, they were so shy, but all of a sudden they kissed in the cinema and suddenly they are 'so in love' and on the same day as they kissed, they went to third base.

Last week, they had sex (in the WOODS!) and my friend is pretty sure she is pregnant. However, she is sayign she is 'bored' of her boyfriend and wants to 'move on'. I'm sorry but this is so stupid!! You don't sleep with someone you're 'bored' of and never really liked in the first place!!

She also wants an abortion.

First of all, I am angry at her for the whole 'oh I'm bored with you let's shag!' thing. I am also REALLY angry with her about the abortion because I am really against abortion in about 90% of cases, this one included. She wants to kill her own baby because she thinks she'll get 'bored' with it too, and because she made a mistake. She is 'making up' for that mistake with murder.

Now, I'm her friend and I am SUPPOSED to stand by her whatever, but this puts me in a HUGE dilemma because I do not agree with what she's done and what she is planning to do (split up with her boyfriend, have an abortion, not ever tell him she got pregnant). I'm really really angry at her right now and I can't talk to her, but I know she really needs my support at a time like this. How can I push my anger aside, how can I ignore my own stance on abortion and help her?

I need to stand by her...she needs all the love and support she can get, even though she doesn't deserve it. I was very tempted to slap her and run off when I found out but I realised that it's not my place to forgive or condone or accept or hate what she is doing, just to be there for her.

Please help...how can I get over my anger and resentment at what she is doing and be there for her? And don't just say 'talk to her' - if you have to, help me out on what to say!

Thanks for any help and sorry for the length.

ok a wise person once told me that you can STRONGLY disagree with someone about what they think or what they have done..but you can still support them. you seem to have a good grasp on that. If you keep in mind that this is her life and shes the one making these mistakes..and how you know you would act differently if it was you, it might make you feel better,,but talkng to her is the key

what you tell her is that you strongly disagree with her..give her but you are her friend and you will be there for emotional support. tell her she needs to learn from this experience and make better choices in the future...at the same time let her know she can cry on your shoulder.

i know how you feel...you want to just slap her, yes i have had the feeling where i want to just slap a friend for a dumb choice and stuff..but its not my place..my friend knows where i stand..but she also knows she can talk to me about it and thats important.

well i hope something in here helped you out lol

-melissa- :)

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how old is andy milonakis, seriously????

ok me and my friends love him, but this has been a topic of debate..after hearing rumors i searched online and i kept coming across articles saying he is 29 or something with a growth hormone disorder.
i read somewhere when interviewed by a magazine he told them he is between the ages of 10 and 30. notice his age isnt something that is out there in the public, thats because they are trying to hide it.

if you go onto a search engine and type in "how old is andy milanakis"..all these websites with articles will show

this one is especially informative...

http://www.byroncrawford.com/2005/06/andy_milonakis_.html

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Okay, first off, I'm one to listen to advice and take it, but usually what I end up choosing lies within me. Basically what I'm trying to say is, I know I should follow my heart, I just want to know what YOU would do if you were me. The question is going to be kind of long, sorry.:]

I was born in Singapore, and basically for half my life I've been shuffling between Toronto and Singapore living and studying with either my mom or my dad. I came back to Toronto again in November of 2003, and I guess you can say I was not happy about leaving Singapore. The reason me and my brothers are here is so that we have an easier access to university in the future, but I feel so sick here, as if there is no meaning to my life, nowhere I'm heading, at least in Singapore, they force feed you to do well in school and as sad as that sounds, I felt as if I was going somewhere. I had plenty of friends and I was happy.

Now I haven't been back to Singapore for 1 1/2 years, and everyday my mom is saying how I've turned into this..mentally depressed person. She said that she wont force me to stay here. The question is, should I stay here until I finish my university studies, or go back to Singapore and study until Grade 11, and come back for Grade 12 and university? The problem is, my little brother wants to stay, and we have a lot of family problems, I kind of want to protect him. I don't want him to have to grow up the way I did. If I go back to Singapore, I will learn a lot more education-wise and feel challenged, I will finally be around my family again, and it's not as if I can never come back to Toronto. If I stay in Toronto, I'll be able to protect my brother, I'll have an easier life, but it just feels meaningless. After all, it's not liek I can never come back to Toronto again, but I'm afraid, once I make my choice, I cannot turn back. I can't go back to Singapore and try it for 1 month or so, it is too expensive. I have to stay there until University. If I stay here, I can't help but think "what if?" I just feel so dreadful, it's as if all my happiness was sucked out of me the minute I left Singapore. What would you do?

you even mentioned in your question that if you stay here, you will think "what if?" so..i think you should go back to singapore. its not like you will never see your brother again..you will return to go to the university. so i think your heart is in sigapore and thats where you will be happiest.

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me and my girlfriend we are at a water park today an d we were kind of in the mood to be like naughty i guess you could say so like we didnt have sex, but i kinda slipped it in. we were in the pool. and like it barely went in, but should we really worry about her getting pregnant i mean like ive never had sex before so im kinda like ahhhh, i mean i know precum can get you pregnant please tell me if you think i should be worried or what we sould do

hahahaha in the waterpark? thats hot right there

welll there is always a *chance..but the chances are slim..so i think you guys will be fine..just take this as a lesson that yeah things are fun then..but later if your all stressed about pregnency its definately not fun so use protection next time if yoou 'slip it in' or do go all the way and have sex

you have some things you can do to really be sure..

-take your gf to a planned parenthood clinic and get her the 72 hour pill
-wait a couple weekks and take a pregnency test

i think you will be ok though so try not to worry..just learn for next time that yeah fooling around is awesome but just use a condem so you dont have to worry


-melissa-

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Im a female, and im about 5"10 and my boyfriend is only 5"7...this makes me feel uncomfortable all the time. is this weird?

Its normal to feel uncomfortable but dont because its an old "standard" for guys to be taller than the girl. Yes, its still something guys and girls want (for the guy to be taller) but honestly it doesnt matter because here are a bunch of these stupid "standards " that have been shattered

-the guy should be heavier than the girl
^nowadays..its becoming more "sociably acceptable"for the girl to be bigger than the guy

-gay relationships
its something that is becoming more accepted in society

-the guy should ask the girl out
^its becoming common for the girl to go for it

-the guy should be the one to make the first move
^not so true anymore..girls are goin for it too!

so you see, dont worry about this at all..the important thing is that you two are happy..

who cares if someone brings up the subject of how your taller than him..if you want you can use what i told you to back up your point that it doesnt matter

so who cares what other people say or how they look at you..dont worry about them because its important that you two are happy..not what everyone else thinks

-melissa=

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ok so im 17/f and i just want a guy that im friends with most of the times, but sometimes we hook-up or do sexual stuff or whatever. how would i ask a guy to have this kind of relationship with me?

dont tell me that it's a bad idea or i'll get too emotionally involved or whatever because you're wrong. i really want this, but i need a way to ask a guy to do it with me.

thanks....i rate HIGH!

when your hanging out sometime bring up the subject of summer hookups..
like..

-"what do you think of friends with benefits?"
(he answers}
..'so what do you think about friends with benefits with me?' then maybe lean in and kiss him


or..if your the reaaly shy type get a guy friend who is friends with the guy you have in mind to mention it ..be like "yeah so what do you think of (your name) as a FWB type thing?"

oo0or..

you can just go for it when your hangin out and the moment is right..then afterwards you can talk about being FWB's

i hope all this helped..have great fun with your summer hookup !

-MELissA-

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okay i just started going out with someone and i like him a lot and all but like the whole night all he was trying to do was just make out with me. i kept avoiding it because i think im bad and i didn't want to feel like an idiot..i've made out with someone before but i dno its weird.. can i have some tips on how to be good and like get the courage to do it..plleaasee help and fast!

-fresh breath
- go with the flow
-every so often in between kisses swallow your spit or the kiss will get all messy
- use your hands! when your kissing him run your hands through his hair, stroke his back, touch wherever you want(and where he feels comfortable)
-lean in slow..dont clash heads lol
-after kissing for a bit y can try and like gently gently gently nibble on lip a little.

to get the courage you just have to go for it..and once you get kissing your confidence will shoot up and it will be fun..and the connection will be there..everything will be great! the courage kind of comes with it (for me at least) just keep positive and keep in mind he wants to kiss you and he will love it, you will love it..its going to be great fun!

http://www.links2love.com/teens_kissing.htm

i hope all that helped...dont be nervous! as you do it more you will feel a lottt more confident and as you kiss more, you get better..so have fun!

-melissa-

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one of my friends is kinda higher class then me and she lives in my neighborhood thats how i know her. she goes to a private school and has an ipod, a tv, 2 computers, a palm pilot, has gone through 4 cellphones in the past 3 years, and got a laptop in 3rd grade. she gets Louis Vuitton and Coach and Prada. I gt some stuff like that too but not like her. her parents give her oney when she goes to the mall and my parents don't i kinda feel weird when i have like $20 and she has like $100. is there any simple jobs around the house i can do to get spare money? i do my laundry and feed the cats and change their litter... (sorry so long)

well first off i feel where your comin from that you want somee more spare money, but i hope its not to impress your friend or anything.

well anyway yes there are a bunch of things you can do around the house that will get you some money
-rake leaves
-garden
-babysit (your brothers/ sisters or maybe the neighbors kids
-cut the grass
- rearrange furniture maybe
-clean the attic...get rid of junk
-paint
-vacuum
-walk dogs in your neighborhood

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Hey, you answered my question earlier about my bf slapping my sister's ass and being rude and inconsiderate. Well now he caused problems yesterday. We always take my car racing because it is very fast and I love the thrill. But I am always careful when I race. I pick the spot, make sure there are no cars or cops around and I make sure the racing distance isn't too long. Well yesterday we went and my bf keeps acting like my car is his. He wants to add all this shit to it and I don't want it. Some of the shit he wants to do could cause my engine to blow up if it is driven too fast! So he was racing some punk on a road I told him not to go on. And after we beat them, my bf decided to get cocky and do a "glory" drive to show off. Well he was trying to pass the car we just beat and it was on a bumpy, rocky, country road and it was very narrow. We were neck and neck crossing over a bridge and the other car hit a pothole in the road and barely missed slamming into my car. I was PISSED!!! Then to make things worse it was my turn to race some stupid bitch. And when I started racing he started bitching at me about not shifting the gears fast enough, when I was doing it right! And I did end up beating them, but he wanted to try the race over again! I specifically told him that I'm not racing again, and he acted like he didn't even hear me. He rolled down my window and told the other car that we would race again. I drove off and rolled the window up and he started yelling at me and my twin sister. She bitched at him for yelling and then he got mad cause I took the "long" way back to the racing spot. And I was so stressed and upset, trying to hold back tears, that I almost hit another car and almost got pulled over by a cop if I hadn't of slowed down. He apologized and everything but the problem still exists in my head. I know this weird mood swing that happened yesterday was not because of just him being overly excited about racing. He doesn't even listen to what I want to do. When I get mad that's when he notices and he begs for forgiveness. I can't always deal with him being inconsiderate. So is there anyway that I can make my voice heard in this relationship before it is too late?

hm..well i would be so upset that my bf put his fun in front of my safety, you know? so i would break up with him..especially because you've been having problems and stuff

well to answer your question..to get your voice heard..try stepping it up and putting your foot down. i know your doing this already..but do it more. he needs to understand that when you say "no" to anything..like him adding shit to your car, that you mean it!

honestly, i think when a relationship gets to this point..when its more fighting and dumb stuff like that..than getting along..that maybe its time to end the relationship.

this is what i think anyway..based from what you told me..but you know whats best..

i think to make your voice heard, he needs to want to hear it..you know what i mean? like you can tie him down and yell at him and stuff but it will just go in one ear and out the other...

so i hope something out of all this helped you out..im sorry if it didnt

feel free to inbox me again

-melissa- :)

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theres this girl. i can not stand her! shes sucha bitch. well tonight she went to a party and kept talking about it and rubbing it in my face that i wasnt invited. well she came back and was talking about how she was gonna go out with my ex boy friend. that got me REALLY mad. she didnt even like him. and she said shes gonna check with her friend (also his ex) if she can go out with him (she doesnt even like him). i SOOOO mad. i mean i dont even like him anymore. maybe deep down i do but i really dont think i do. he was really sweet to me. he said im pretty and smart and said he loved me and was really really nice and huggy and stuff.but he dumped me in a week. i dont know what im feeling. dont like him but i still do at the same time. i dont even know what to say to that bitch thats gonna break his heart. im sorry for the length but please please help.

this girl is doing all this because she wants youu to get mad..she will be satisfied if you get angry. so...just play it cool..if she brings up the party again and starts to rub it in your face, turn to one of your friends and change the subject..be like "yeah, thats nice" and then totally talk about something else..pay no mind to her..my opinion anywayz
hope this helped
-meliss

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