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sorry, i have no idea where to put this under.
Okay, first off, I'm one to listen to advice and take it, but usually what I end up choosing lies within me. Basically what I'm trying to say is, I know I should follow my heart, I just want to know what YOU would do if you were me. The question is going to be kind of long, sorry.:]
I was born in Singapore, and basically for half my life I've been shuffling between Toronto and Singapore living and studying with either my mom or my dad. I came back to Toronto again in November of 2003, and I guess you can say I was not happy about leaving Singapore. The reason me and my brothers are here is so that we have an easier access to university in the future, but I feel so sick here, as if there is no meaning to my life, nowhere I'm heading, at least in Singapore, they force feed you to do well in school and as sad as that sounds, I felt as if I was going somewhere. I had plenty of friends and I was happy.
Now I haven't been back to Singapore for 1 1/2 years, and everyday my mom is saying how I've turned into this..mentally depressed person. She said that she wont force me to stay here. The question is, should I stay here until I finish my university studies, or go back to Singapore and study until Grade 11, and come back for Grade 12 and university? The problem is, my little brother wants to stay, and we have a lot of family problems, I kind of want to protect him. I don't want him to have to grow up the way I did. If I go back to Singapore, I will learn a lot more education-wise and feel challenged, I will finally be around my family again, and it's not as if I can never come back to Toronto. If I stay in Toronto, I'll be able to protect my brother, I'll have an easier life, but it just feels meaningless. After all, it's not liek I can never come back to Toronto again, but I'm afraid, once I make my choice, I cannot turn back. I can't go back to Singapore and try it for 1 month or so, it is too expensive. I have to stay there until University. If I stay here, I can't help but think "what if?" I just feel so dreadful, it's as if all my happiness was sucked out of me the minute I left Singapore. What would you do?
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If you aren't happy in Toronto, then talk to both of your parents about it, maybe even your lil brother. Tell them why you've been depressed and ask them for your opinion. I think you should go back to Singapore because you sounded happier there and more challenged. I can't help to wonder if your brother could possibly go with you?? Maybe you should talk about that too. But if you felt better in Singapore then your life is going to be a lot better there then in Toronto. Your Toronto life may be easier, but if it makes you feel meaningless then it's soo not worth it!!! Hope i helped!!!
4Him, Disciple (plz rate me if i deserve it)
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you even mentioned in your question that if you stay here, you will think "what if?" so..i think you should go back to singapore. its not like you will never see your brother again..you will return to go to the university. so i think your heart is in sigapore and thats where you will be happiest.
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If I were you, I would stay in Canada. Mostly because I prefer living in North America; it's my home! But that obviously does not help you.
That your friends and your studies are in Singapore, and you are in Toronto, are not the most important facts to consider. You ought to think about what you want to do with yourself.
This is a matter entirely independant of other people. You stated that you prefered your studies to be forced, otherwise you felt unmotivated. The important thing about learning is that it is useless if it must be forced. What are you accomplishing as a consequence of pursuing your studies in either location? Nothing. Education is not an end unto itself; it is a means to an end. While one may enjoy learning for its own sake, this is clearly not the case with yourself, in that it must be forced. The thing to figure out is what you want to DO with your time, and then to figure out what studies must be pursued to accomplish that objective.
Your brother, while important, is not necessarily the primary concern in the matter, unless his health is in some form of danger; otherwise, he'll live, and he'll learn to care for himself. And, while in Singapore, although you will have friends, they will be as temporary as your stay there. They are not necessarily the most important reason on which to base your decision.
The important thing is, in the end, to figure out what it is you want MOST, that which you want out of life itself. Institutions cannot decide what you need (as with learning in Singapore), it is YOU who must decide what you want; your motivation comes from within. That is the best way to find purpose; it is self sustaining.
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I understand wanting to protect your little brother but I think you should go back to Singapore. Obviously you're miserable in Toronto so staying is just going to drag you down. You won't be able to help your brother if you can't help yourself. He also needs to learn how to protect himself. If you do it for him all the time, he'll never learn how to protect himself and always come to you to solve his problems. I think that's one of the hardest things that an older sibling has to learn. I'm the oldest of three so I completely understand your feelings.
Go to Singapore and get a good education. Letters, phone calls, and instant messaging will keep you close while you're gone so he doesn't feel like you've abandoned him to the situation. Once you get a good education, you'll be in a better position to help your brother. Perhaps he can even move in with you if things are still bad once you start into University.
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This is a tough question. I don't envy you having to make a decision. I will simply put some thoughts out there for your consideration.
You don't say what the "family problem" you're worried about is. If your brother is somehow in danger then your staying in Toronto certainly couldn't be considered as meaningless.
You have it within you to do well in school regardless of where you go. In Singapore they may "force feed" you to do well in school but you can do that yourself in Toronto. There is self discipline and if you put your mind to it where you are won't matter.
If your brother is happy where he is then he may perceive whatever danger you see as something different. If he likes being in Toronto and is happy there then he will do fine. If you leave you won't see him as often and that would be something you'd be sacrificing by the move. In actuality your protecting him is not your responsibility, noble as it is to want to.
All said, If you want to return to family and friends in Singapore then go ahead...I think that is what you are actually missing most.
Life is what you make of it and can have meaning no matter where on earth you choose to live. Ultimately there will be what ifs no matter what road you take. We just have to choose one and don't look back.
Once you make your decision...smile and don't look back, you'll find that happiness. :)
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