I'm not here to tell you what to think or do, but to give you as much honest, accurate information as possible. If I don't know an answer to a specific question, I'll research it before replying. I won't sugarcoat things; my job is to tell it like it is.
I've got a particular interest in sexual health and sexuality. I know a lot about fertility and pregnancy - and firsthand now, as I've just had twins. I'm also an accredited sexual health worker.
Gender: Female
Occupation: Counsellor, writer, mother of twins.
Age: 31
Member Since: August 9, 2004
Answers: 1493
Last Update: November 5, 2009
Visitors: 173027
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My bf is at uni. Hes nearly finished his first yr. This uni is about 2hr drive away from me.
We used to call EACHOTHER everyday but didnt talk for long. We were both happy in our situation. He then started saying that I called him nearly every 2min, but I didnt. I backed off anyway. I think he said it because he had his own friends and he always hung out with them.
But now he doesnt hang out with them as much. I don't know why. I dont think he told me everything. Anyway now when I call him up we talk for like 2 hrs coz he has nothing else to do. But its wearing me out coz I have other stuff to do. I go to bed late coz we talk for ages and Im always tired at college. I understand he's bored and has nothing to do. I dont want him to be bored. I enjoy talking to him but its getting too much. Ive tried telling him to hang out with them again but he says he has nothing in common with them. I don't get so much work done anymore. Im behind with deadlines.
I hope he isnt using me. He isnt is he? We're in a long term relationship. Im scared if I say something I'll offend him or make him angry. (link)
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The sad pattern in this world is that boys are comfortable saying what they want, and many girls aren't. Think about it. When your boyfriend didn't have as much time to talk to you on the phone, he didn't hesitate to let you know.
You're in the exact same situation now, and you have every right to tell him so. You have very valid reasons - your college work is falling behind, your free time is being eaten up, and you're not sleeping as much as you should. None of those are healthy things for you to be doing, and an understanding boyfriend would understand your reasons.
You loved him enough to give him space when he needed it. You should not expect any less.
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ok so i know this is bad but me and my ex bf of 8 months broke up a few weeks ago. soo many people always told me he was cheating and hed always deny it. so finally i just dumped him. and other reasons too.but neways, he has a new girlfriend now. and shes the same girl people alwys sayd he was messing around on me with. so now im rally suspecious. we all have myspace acounts and he doesn't have AIM so he e mails her over myspace (he told me). also when we were together he never would give me his password. hed ask me how to put colors on his myspace and id be like oh ill do it for you and hed be like nevermind ill just ask someone else. so yea. i heard theres things called Password Crackers to crack passwords. i know his e mail addy he used for myspace, i just need the password. so yea where can i download a good free password cracker that will work?? thx (link)
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I don't know where you can download a password cracker, but I do know that you're setting yourself up to be miserable.
While it's human to be jealous or wondering what your ex is up to, never does it make you feel better to actually find out. He's single and can date who he wants.
You broke up with him; remember the reasons you broke up with him for, and then move on! Maybe your next boyfriend will trust you enough to give you passwords, or maybe he'll want his space. Either way, be strong enough to choose to not make yourself miserable.
Best of luck.
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i have had discharge for a long time and i want to know when i will have my period. im 13 and of course a female but please help me. and i would like to talk to someone about this so if it is okay please leave your screenname i am really sad cause all of my friends have had it. (link)
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If you've been having discharge for a long time, chances are that your period is about to start. Other signs to look for include that your breasts are achy or growing plumper, cramps in your lower stomach and/or lower back, or mood swings.
It's understandable to feel sad when all of your friends have started their periods, but by no means is it weird to not have your period at age 13. Many girls don't start until they're 14, 15, or even 16!
Some of your friends might be feeling the same pressure to grow up, and it's a pretty common thing for girls to stretch the truth about having gotten their first periods. I think if you have friends around you to talk to, you'll find that they felt the same way before getting their periods.
You aren't alone. You aren't lagging behind in growing up. Your body just has its own timescales, and your period WILL come.
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After my boyfriend & I broke up, I started hanging out with my guy friend a whole lot. We got really close & end up having sex a few times. He was pretty much my rebound guy and it was a huge mistake. He thought that it really meant something & told me he loved me. Now, we are just friends. I told him I was sorry, but I didn't like him like that & liked being single. Everytime I flirt with a guy, he gets extremely mad/jealous and brings up what happened between us. I could never tell him it was a mistake because he's too sensitive & I just want to forget it ever happened. How do I tell him I want to be single & flirt without him getting all mad and saying I'm a slut? (20, F) (link)
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You're going to have to have a talk with him. It's obviously up to you what you say, but there's nothing wrong with admitting that you made a mistake. Many, many people have rebound flings - it doesn't make you a slut. Or a bad person.
It sounds to me like you've already clearly told your friend that you want to be single, but perhaps you need to take it a step further and say you might want to date other people. It can be hard to confront someone, but unless your friend is perfectly clear about the fact that you were not (and ARE not) interested in him, the jealously could continue.
If you speak with him about this issue and his bad attitude remains, try to understand that he's had his feelings badly hurt. Still, if you feel uncomfortable, you should let him know that you might need to take a break from your friendship. Don't let him pressure you or guilt trip you into being less of yourself than you want to be.
This is your life. It's all about the choices you make, and whether you're strong enough to open your mouth and share those choices with other people.
Best of luck.
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Ok well there is this girl that i go to gymnastics with and she has been coming to gym with bruises and marks all over her legs. I've asked her many times to tell me what happend and she told me 'nothing!' and i keep asking her the same question and even the coaches ask her and one time the coach asked her if she fell and she said 'yes' but then she told me she lied to him! I think her parents might have abused her because shes very quiet and timid and if u tell her not 2 tell anyone, SHE WONT!(even my dad thinks so) I'm really scared for her so please help! How can i make her tell me the truth? (link)
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What sort of marks are they? They're obviously big enough to attact your attention, but are they cuts/bruises on her knees, shins, or other 'hard' areas? It can be easy to scrape these areas, but on 'soft' areas - like the back of the legs or thighs - it's much harder to casually cause injury.
You and your coach are both worried about her. Unfortunately, you can't make her tell you the truth. You do need to talk to a responsible adult - perhaps starting with your coach. You can tell him/her that your friend admitted to lying to the coach, and just explain that you are very concerned.
You can also talk some more to your dad. Anybody can call the Family and Child Protection Services to voice concerns or ask questions. If your friend is being abused, she might feel she doesn't have the choice about telling someone - you might have to do it for her by talking to your father or someone else you trust.
Of course, your friend might not be being abused. But it's worth the risk to openly share your concerns with an adult, as if there IS abuse happening it needs to stop.
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i dont know if you can help me with this, but i sure cant figure out what to do. at lunch today my friend told us that she was doing something bad to herself and later told us that she had been pressured into doing drugs and now she cant stop. i think she really wants my help, but is scared of whats going to happen. she wont tell us exactly what shes on. we really want to help her, but shes says that she doesnt need anyones help. i dont know what to tell her. i dont even know where to begin to help her. (link)
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I think the fact that she told you guys that she was doing something bad to herself is interesting.
First, her use of the word 'bad' shows that she's not happy with the choices she's been making. Second, the fact that she opened up and told you is as good as asking for help.
So, you know your friend is unhappy and needs help. You have several options to help her. First, if you live in the UK there are a lot of confidential services you can access that will provide your friend with information on how to do drugs safely or will support her with different methods to stop with the drugs.
I'm sure America and other countries must have similar services, but I'm not sure how you'd get in touch with them. For a starting place, you can access a great drugs site called 'talk to frank'. The catch phrase of the site is great - 'drugs are illegal, but talking about them isn't.' You can find information on how to support a friend on drugs, the different sorts of drugs and how they can affect the body/mind/personality, and links to different resources.
The site is wwwDOTtalktofrankDOTcom, and if you click on 'worried about someone' and then 'worried about a friend,' you'll find information about how to deal with a friend on drugs.
The next step is to seriously talk to your friend. Be honest and non-judgemental; she's made a mistake, which everyone does, and she just needs help to UNmake the mistake. Drugs can be addictive, and there comes a point when she's not even making the choice to use anymore - she feels she HAS to. If your friend insists she doesn't need help, you are going to have to tell a responsible adult.
This can be one of your parents, her parents, a guidance or support worker at your school, a local agency that works with young people with addiction problems, etc. There are also Drugs Anonymous meetings that run - perhaps you can hold her hand while she attends one?
Whatever you decide to do, remember it is totally your choice what level of support you offer to your friend. While you are care about her, you are not responsible for 'fixing' her. Real friendship means taking risks - and for you, that could mean risking losing the friendship by telling an adult that your friend needs help.
She's asked for help by telling you her situation. She trusted you enough to hope you would be able to help, so do it. Figure out the best way you can support her and be strong enough to do so.
Make sure that if this is stressing you out or making you uncomfortable you find someone to support YOU, as well. In a situation like this, everyone needs someone to talk to.
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When I'm making out with my boyfriend, he always gets a boner. I'm like right on top of him so it really turns me on. Is this happening to him because I'm turning him on? I'm a 15 year old girl so I don't know alot about this.
Thanks,
~*~Amy~*~ (link)
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Yep. Guys get erections for various reasons, but the main one if that they are sexually excited.
Since you say you 'don't know much' about this sort of area, make sure you ask responsible people you trust (people who know more than your friends might!) if you decide to take things further.
Information is power!!
Best of luck.
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My partner and I are from Auckland, New Zealand. My partners sister gave her son who at the time was 5 mnths (so she had only had him for 5 mnths) when she gave him to us to take care of. (we are a same sex couple) We hvae now been taking care of him for 1 whole year now, she signed a letter stating my partner is now the gardian of her son and we have been providing for him for a whole year. Our question is, as we have nothing legal stating he is my partners, we are scared she could take him back at any time. We realise if we wanted to do any legal adoption we we need to have her permission but does anyone know if we have any legal rights as his gardian if she were to come back say after 2-3 years and say she wants him back?
Any legal advice on this matter would be great as he is our life and we will fight her all the way if she were to come back (link)
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Laws vary from country to country. Your best bet is to arrange a consultation with a solicitor - preferably one specializing in family law and same same adoptions.
You'll want to find out where you stand legally now, and what you have to do in order to gain the sort of family security that you want. Most consultations are free, so if you feel a particular solicitor doesn't meet your needs - shop around. It's important to find someone you can trust.
Best of luck.
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hey, you seem good at giving advice for relationships, i was wondering...i have this boyfriend right now and we're both in 8th grade and highschool's just around the corner but theres a problem, we're going to diff. schools and we dont wanna end it but i already have boys after me like crazy. i dont wanna break up with him bcz he means the world to me but..i'm afriad we're both gonna find someone new! what should i do? I'm so confused. (link)
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Well, you have control over half of the situation. If you don't want to break up with him, then don't. Be very clear with new guys that you're in a relationship. The other thing you'll have to do is trust that he will do the same. You guys will need to be open and honest.
All of that being said, none of this is concrete. If you meet someone else, or even just decide you don't want to be with your boyfriend anymore, then you can end it. Every relationship you're in will help you learn and grow, and it's okay to move on when you outgrow the place you are currently at.
Examine your heart and figure out what you really want to do - and then do it every few weeks. Hearts can change, and it's important that we listen to what they're saying.
Best of luck in high school and love!
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hey i'm on the pill and my docter never told me how long it would take until it was effictive.. so i was just wondering if any one could tell me how long until it is effictive and how effective it is???PLEASE HELP (link)
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Well, you can call your doctor and ask them very quickly - they'll be happy to help. You'll also want to VERY CLOSELY read the information that came with your pill, as it will talk about how long it takes the pill to become effective, times it may not work, and what happens if you forget to take a pill.
Tri-phasic pills generally take a full cycle of pills to become effective, so you'll need to continue using condoms during this time. You'll only want to STOP using condoms after a cycle, and only if you and your partner have been tested for STDs and plan to be monogomous.
Other times to watch out for: the pill stops working if you are on anti-biotics or certain types of medication. Anytime you take medication, ask your doctor how it will affect the pill. Vomiting and bad diarrhoea can also render the pill useless - as can skipping a day of your pill cycle.
Both main types of pill are 99% effective, which means only one women on the pill out of 100 will get pregnant in a year.
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13/f... well I've been having this problem with my blatter. I tend to laugh alot and when I do get with my friends and we tell jokes I laugh hard. But for awhile now (since I was 12) I have started to pee alittle bit when ever I laugh. Last night I laughed so much I made my pants a little wet. No one noticed, but it was horrible. It's not like I need to go to the bathroom, and only when I have just gone to the bathroom does it ever stop. I've never made an appointment with my doctor and I'm not close to my mom and don't really want to tell her. Is there anything I can do? (link)
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Yes - you can talk to a doctor about your concerns. But until you get around to making an appointment, there's some other things that can help as well.
First, make sure you're going to the bathroom regularly. You might not feel a tremendous need to pee, but if you do every few hours or so, you're less likely to have an overloaded bladder and an accident.
Next, for the times when you DO have a bit of a leak, try wearing pantyliners. They are cheap, very small, and virtually unnoticeable in your underwear. Many girls and women wear them to help with this problem, to collect discharge, etc. There's nothing weird about them.
If you ever have a major accident, you can carry around a pair of panties in your purse or bag. Keep them in a plastic baggie, so that you have someplace to put your wet undies if need be.
Finally, there are pelvic floor muscles that can help you better be able to control these accidents. A doctor can give you pamphlets and talk you through how to do them and how often is appropriate for you, but they basically involve squeezing your pee muscles.
The next time you're in the bathroom, stop peeing in the middle of the flow. Pay attention to the muscles you are tightening - these are the ones that you'll need to exercise.
There are several other medical options (pain free, I promise) to help you out, so it's always best to see a doctor. Your mom might need to make the appointment for you if you don't have another parent to help you out - while it's understandable to not want to tell your mother, it's a problem you really can't help. It's not your fault, and she might even have had similar experiences she can talk to you about.
Best of luck!
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we were having foreplay..n wen i blowjobin he suddenly couldn resist it n he splashed around..n while he was cleaning up his sperm he got it some to his hands n soon he wiped off wit his handkerchief..then after a while he finger penetrated my vagina..will tis cause pregnancy..im 20 n his 19.. (link)
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There is a very, VERY slight chance you could be pregnant. I think the fact that he wiped off his hands and time passed makes it even less likely.
How to avoid being this worried in future? Have him wear a condom, wash his hands with soap and water, etc.
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My mother has been annoying me very much, lately. My question is about something that happened today, however. My mom makes me clean every Saturday. One of the things she tells me to clean is a coffee table with a lower level. On the lower level is a apple-shaped baking pan with a Christmas ordiment in it. Well every week the thing bounces around when you move it the slightest bit. So today while I was cleaning it broke. Now my mom is screaming at me for her lack of common sense. She is also making me tell my ill-tempered brother (it's his ordiment) that I broke it and is making me pay for it. Any person with common sense would know not to put a breakable item in a place where it would break. Do I have any right to be mad? If you don't think I do please explain. (link)
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Many things are breakable, and most things are in a place where they can be bumped. It's the nature of living in a world of figurines, ornaments, etc.
I don't think your mother or brother has made a bad choice by keeping the ornament there; after all, pretty things are meant to be seen. But they have to accept that there was a risk of it breaking when it was in a vulnerable place.
At the very least, accidents happen. You've not committed a major sin by breaking this thing, but if it makes other people feel better offering some money is a good thing to do.
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I have open sores in my mouth and I'm embarrassed to kiss. How can I heal theses sores ASAP? My friend is having a party tomorrow and there will be guys. So,please help and give me ideas on how to get rid of them..fast. Even if it is temporary. Thanks in advance! (link)
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First, I'd wonder why you had open sores. If you've just bit the inside of your mouth, that's very different than if you have a more serious condition. If you feel these sores are normal, but just an inconvience, read on. (If not, go to a doctor!)
First, you won't be able to get rid of sores overnight. And you probably shouldn't kiss anyone when you have sores, as it makes you MUCH more likely to catch an STD if the person you are kissing has one. It also means that you can pass a bodily fluid like blood into someone else's mouth, which is never cool.
As far as healing them goes, cancer sores do well with over-the-counter medication you can buy at any drugstore. Cuts do well with gargled saltwater. Whatever the sore, don't fiddle it with your tongue or fingers - this can make it last longer or even cause an infection.
Certain types of toothpaste can cause or irritate mouth sores, so a dentist can let you know more about that. These should not be something you have to deal with all the time - if they are, you do need to see a doctor.
In the meantime, keep your lips closed when you kiss. Or just enjoy flirting. Kissing with open sores isn't safe.
Sorry!
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Ok. My brain is being ground into tiny bits by the string theory, or M Theory. Dammit. o_o Can someone please (if you even have the slightest clue about it) explain the basics to me about the string/M Theory?
**Physics confused person guy (link)
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Buy the book 'The Elegant Universe.' It's all about string theory but in plain English.
I think NOVA also turned this book into a documentary sort of thing. You can look it up online, and if you've got Broadband you can watch it for free.
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Well I'm 13/f and I have a really good friend of mine(z) . We don't really call each other bestfriends because we already have people from when we where little, but we are really close. I know most of her secrets, with the exception of the secrets she wouldn't tell for her life. I also have another friend(x) who is like this, we are kinda weird. We love to have fun and when it comes to hanging out we end out acting like we are on crack. But lately my other friend is getting pissed off. I only have two good friends so when I'm out I'm either with x or z. I started noticing this when I called z and was telling her about some little thing I did with x. She said, "*Sigh* with x?" "yah" "of course". I don't care when she talks about her other friends. I always go to lunch with her (just the two of us) and I always walk home with her when I can. So whats the big deal I spend almost spend all my time with her!!
~help please (link)
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Well, the big deal is that your almost-best-friend's feelings are hurt.
While Z may have no real reason to be upset, she is because she's human. That doesn't mean that you have to fight back, ignore her, or put up with her attitude.
Maybe she needs words to back up your actions; let her know that she's very, very important to you. Also let her know that just because you hang out with other people doesn't mean that she's any less special to you.
Your other choice is to stop mentioning Friend X to Friend Z, but that will lead to a lot of frustration and anger on your part - and you shouldn't have to lie about your time.
So, try talking to your friend. Keep making time for her. Eventually she'll understand that you can care for more than one person - and maybe you can introduce the two of them. Who knows? Maybe Z will actually like spending time with you and X, and chances are she will feel more included in your life if you occasionally ask her to come out with you and X.
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I told my boyfriend that I'd never kissed anyone and that I wanted him to be my first kiss. He said he wanted to kiss me, too. But that was about a month ago and nothing has happened. I told him I wouldn't make the move. I'm too shy. I don't know what I'm scared of since I know he wants to. I'm just scared I'll do something wrong, I guess. Any advice? (link)
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It's normal to be scared about your first kiss. The reason it hasn't happened? Your boyfriend is probably scared, too.
It's hard to mess a kiss up. Every person you kiss during your life will be different from every other person, so in a sense every kiss with a new person is like a first kiss.
Kisses can be messy or scary, but they're also exhilarating and special with the right person.
The only way to get over your fear is to pucker up and realize that a kiss doesn't have to be intimidating. Your boyfriend is obviously a sensitive guy, and not rushing you into anything, so I don't think you have to worry about impressing him with your expert skills.
Kisses happen on a learning curve, and the only way to figure out how you like to kiss is to practice on someone you care about.
So - your options are to wait for him to make a move, which will eventually happen...you might just have to wait a few more months. Or you can be a liberated type of girl and make the first move.
Either way, best of luck.
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I've been friends with my current best friend for over 4 years. Lately [this whole year] I dread to talk to her, interact with her, ect. Everything about her has begun to bother me. Still though , she is a really good friend , with a lot of qualities that I like in a person. I don't want to name call, but she's is a GI-NORMOUS know-it-all. I feel like I'm in her shadow all the time , she is really smart and I'm . . . yeah , not stupid but I still feel like I am when I'm around her. What do you think I should do? I really hate thinking this stuff about her and having thoughts of sometimes using violence. I don't want to just explode in her face some day. Any advice? Thank you. Oh, Bee tee wee (by the way) I heart your website. :) (link)
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I think you should take some time to figure out if these feelings are about your best friend, or about yourself.
For example, if you're feeling insecure about anything, this situation can make you feel even worse. Of course, if you feel absolutely fine about yourself, then this is a whole different matter.
Your choices?
Suck it up and try to deal with the situation. I don't know how realistic that is, since you're obviously very bothered. Thoughts of violence might creep into your mind, but acting on those thoughts is never a good idea.
Does your friend do specific things that bother you? For example, does she make fun of you, make snide comments, or always shove her opinions in other people's faces? Those are things you can confront her about - and I don't mean by screaming or yelling. Sit her down and have an honest conversation with her.
While this might seem scary, it's the only real alternative to losing your friend. If you still want to be her friend, then this is the way to move the friendship forward.
Of course, you might be ready to let the friendship go. Friends are not always there for a lifetime, and that's okay. Think about whether you really want to keep the friendship alive, and if you DO, then talk to her.
Best of luck.
And thanks for hearting my website! I heart you for saying so.
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Okay, I'm 14/f and i love boys to death, but lately i've been very attractive to my best friend and she's 13/f.My friend and i have experimented 3 times and we've both liked it. When we get intimate with each other we never think of guys either it's strange. I'm not attracted to any other girls. I feel that if she doesn't like me back when i tell her how i feel about her i will get over it and go back to guys again. I've never had a liking for woman just my best friend. Does this mean i'm bisexual or i'm confusing my feelings with "FRIENDSHIP LOVE." Help a girl out!! (link)
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To clear up a myth: bisexual or lesbian women are not automatically attracted to every female they see. No one is like that - certain people are attractive because of their attitudes, looks, beliefs, sense of humour, etc. Everyone looks for different things in a person.
You don't have to make decisions about only dating women or only dating men; the world is opening its eyes to see that life and sexuality isn't always black and white. Rather than concentrating on the gender of the people you are with, concentrate on WHY you enjoy spending time with them.
A penis or a vagina does not make someone your perfect partner. It's their soul, their spark of life, the way they connect with you. Don't limit yourself with labels if you aren't sure where you fall - the important thing is to be honest about your feelings and brave enough to follow your heart.
Best of luck.
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im a girl and Im not a lesbian or bisexual & i dont ever want to like make out with a girl/date one or anything..but i get reallyyyy turned on when i like think about girls being active w/ echother..is this NORMAL
(link)
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Sure, it's normal. Lots of different things turn lots of different people on.
I would think carefully about your own sexuality. While thinking about lesbian sex doesn't make you a lesbian, it COULD mean that you are a lesbian or bisexual. And of course there's nothing wrong with either.
The key is to just be honest with yourself about what you like and dislike, but more importantly WHO you like and dislike. Don't worry. You'll figure it out.
Best of luck.
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