teza's advice column

My name is Teza.. short for Tereza. I was born in Croatia and I speak more than one language. I'm 22 years old & I completed 2 college degrees in 3 years. My a bachelors is in Business Administration concentration in Human Resources and my Masters degree is also in HR.

I started this advice column about 9years ago and I was so young but it was something that I always loved to do. I am trying to get back to answering questions, at least a few per day. With that said, if you have questions about school, friends, make up, etc., feel free to ask.

Much love, Teza

advice

Where do I even begin? My name is Shawn and I am seventeen years old. I first realized that I was gay in middle school but have been in denial about it until my sophomore year in high school. Only recently have I been contemplating coming out to my friends and family. I first set aside October 1, 2006 to come out, but it has not happened. I know there are a lot of friends I would lose if they knew the truth. I also have no idea how my parents will react. I think I respect a lot of my friends and family too much to let them down like this. Earlier in the month, I tried coming out to my mother. I virtually broke down in tears in front of her but could not work up the nerve to do so. I eventually ended the conversation with some bogus story about stress at school. I am also pretty much terrified of talking to my father about anything, let alone coming out to him that I am a homosexual.

I find myself bringing up this kind of topic in various conversations with my friends and family. My mother and I began talking about the topic of gay people coming out and she said something very discouraging to me. “I do not see why people come out that they are gay. There is no black and white. Coming out that you are gay causes people to only know you for that.” When I countered this statement, she asked me, “You’re not gay, are you?” I replied, “No,” and I have regretted it everyday since then. I always ask myself how easy it would have been to just have answered, “Yes, mom. I am gay.”

Everyone around me seems to know that something is wrong. People have pointed out that I am not eating and there is lack of emotion in my voice. My mother specifically said that she is only getting one-worded answers from me and feels that we are growing apart. I do not really know what kind of help I am asking for. I just really wish I knew what to do or to know that someone cared, which is impossible since I have not confined this information to anyone. Any suggestions or opinions are welcome. Thank you.

All though I have never met you, you don't seem too confident in yourself and with who you are. You're gay & you can't change that and you shouldn't have too. I know that comming out might be really difficult and painful to do, but you can't live your life this way. It's not fair and it's not right. I'm going to be honest with you Shawn. You most likely will lose some of your friends but this is reality. People aren't as nice and caring as they seem. Some will accept you for who you are and other won't but it's life and you have to prepare for that. Those friends were never your REAL friends to begin with if they turn your back on you. Your parent's love you and I'm sure you know that well but you have to tell them the truth. Yeah they might be shocked, angry, confused at first, but you'd be doing the right thing. You're their son and they will accept you and love you no matter what. They just might need some time to take it all in. I know that you regret telling your mom that you aren't gay, but you have another chance to do so. People are noticing that something is bothering you and don't take it out on yourself. You and your mom seem to be really close so talk to her. Talk to your dad as well. Think of how much better you will feel when you get this of your back. You'll be realived. I'm sure you know that being a homosexual has their ups & downs and I'm not just saying that to be rude or something. You know that not everyone is going to like it and people will make rude comments about it, but who cares. It's not their life. It's your. That's all that matters. You need to be happy in your own skin and no one should make you feel bad about that.

I hope that everything works out & let me know how things go.