Member Since: August 7, 2012
Answers: 1038
Last Update: August 2, 2021
Visitors: 29740
|
| |
20/f last year I was raped by my ex boyfriend, long story short we drank (he led me to believe he was drinking but in actuality I was the drunk one,) when we went to bed I remember waking up to him doing the act. To this day I have not told anyone except a good friend, and my new current boyfriend (of almost 9 months) at the very beginning of our relationship, but I toned town the story a bit. Nobody actually knows everything that happened, and I can't seem to get over it. I have brought it up once to my boyfriend, and he consoled me (as well as wants to kill my ex) but I feel badly about the topic if it is to come up again, I don't want him to think I still think about my ex. Should I be over it by now? It makes me feel dirty and sick to think about it, I could cry.
Thank you (link)
| |
You've told him, he knows and the reaction was a good one. I doubt he needs to know every detail of the act. Dragging it all into the open is a good way of facing it, but I'd say he's not the one to do it with. As far as this relationship, draw a line under the event and move only forwards. From your own point of view it is essential that you come fully to terms with it of course. A horrible and traumatic experience, but one which you did not invite and share no reponsibilty of course. I can imagine you feel sick, it's a sickening violation...but by him. Dirty? Not you...not in the slightest. You were the victim, but it's essential now that you get yourself clear of a 'victim mentality' which is no good for anything. It holds you back. You're forever his victim until you let go...he wins. He spoils the new relationship. You're not going to let this happen are you? Saying that you have to acknowledge and accept it sounds awful. Why should you HAVE to accept it? Because it's happened and you can't make it un-happen. By acceptance you take away every scrap of his power over you. It will liberate you. Counselling, therapy...call it what you will, can help. But ultimately it's up to you to 'get over it'. What happened was in every sense, a crime against you. And ALL crime has the same psychological effect. The citizen who finds their home has been broken into, or who is attacked and robbed on the street. All find that the unspoken 'contract' we have with civilised and decent society has been broken, and it shakes us to our very core. It takes a while to rebuild the former confidence, some never rebuild it. They rage against it, dwell on it...stay victims. Your current partner has proven with nine months of his life already that your confession hasn't lowered him one jot in his estimation. Hasn't he? What a big positive THAT is to take with you on your path to recovery. He loves you just the same as if it had never happened. I think you know where you're going with this already...good luck...keep going forwards...stop looking back.
|
|
I eat a lot of spicy food and I'm not sure if it's the spicy food, I heard it might be. I've had hemmoroids 4 times in a year. It hurts for me to poop and I bleed. I've been to the doctors once for it, but I don't like the doctor looking at my private area. (link)
| |
Spicy food can't CAUSE them, it's all to do with weakened blood vessels which get inflamed and 'pop out' as it were. But anything that makes you more loose than usual, or on the other side of the coin, constipated will tend to make them enlarged and possibly bleed when you go to the loo. So can lugging heavy weights about or certain types of exertion or exercise the day before. It's that 'straining' feeling around your bottom that makes them flare-up...straining during bowel movements, when lifting heavy weights...as we've been talikng about. Once the tendency is there you just have to put up with it sadly, unless it gets so bad the doc suggests surgery...even then there might still be a tendency. Laxatives, I'm not sure. Probably don't do you any favours by creating bowel movements, on the other hand they might HELP if they're used to relieve constipation, which makes you strain when yo do 'go'. Don't be worried about visiting the doc, they peer up peoples backsides all the time! True, it's not pleasant being 'inspected' in this way...but try and grin and bear it. Suppositories ease the discomfort and are available off-prescription. But if you're still having problems after the whole pack's gone, and it hasn't helped much...pop along to the doc. Ps...persistent heavy coughing when you've got a bad cold of flu can set them off too. Absolutely LOADS of people have this condition, possibly only very infrequently...they flare up and are uncomfortable for a few days and shrink back (with the cream or supoositories help). I'm not waving it off lightly it, it's painful...but it doesn't ruin your life. Often known as 'piles'... and in the UK a bit of cockney rhyming slang dubs the 'The Farmer Giles' or the 'Farmers'. Use a bit of 'humour'...because it is sort of embarrassing to talk about. Humping hay bales and feed sacks around some years ago, I had a rotten case of the 'Farmers' myself. Wondered what was up when I bled going to the loo...frightened me to death mate!! Have one 'pop out' very occasionally still. Ouch!! Best wishes...
|
|
I'm not homeless yet but I will be in a matter of days. I'm a young, independent woman. I don't have any family or friends to help. I'm going to have to find a shelter soon and a job. I don't want to live in a shelter where people steal your belongings so I am minimizing the amount of things I own so that I will be able to carry it all or at least the important things in a back pack. I fear that a minimum wage job will not help me get enough income to finance a place of my own. I haven't been to college yet but I want to go very badly. I have never been able to afford it. I am super anxious about all of this. I'm afraid I won't make it as a homeless person. I'm not very strong and I have little skill. I'd like to know if there were professions out there that require a skill that maybe I can learn on my own and in short time. I admit that I have a hard time getting jobs. Is there any knowledge you have that could help me? (link)
| |
First off mate, NOBODY 'makes it' as a homeless person. Best you can ever do is scrape by and stay alive...even then the hardships, poor diet and the elements will take a massive toll on your body and mind. The threats are numerous, and very real. So WHATEVER you have to do you've got to avoid this. Shelter is a safety net but as you realise...the environmet you'll be putting yourself into is far from a pretty one. Search your mind...is there really no family branch or old and loyal friend to turn to as first port of call? Retail jobs, as mentioned are quick to learn and the skills transferrable. Many fall back on them when it suits them, maybe between more skilled employment or even just for pin-money. Most employers will be a little daunted by you giving some sort of shelter or hostel as your address...you're handling their cash after all and might be reluctant to hire someone who can simply dissappear. Is there a casual friend or acquaintence you could be useful to in return for board...housekeeper while they're at work or something? Some relative you could be useful to? An older one...might want a sort of 'carer' in return for a roof? Kicking some ideas around here, that's all. Are you getting any? Don't know where you live, so I don't know what social services arrangement may be on offer. You SHOULD know, or MUST start finding out right now. Don't get fobbed-off, if there's something you're eligible for demand it. It's not charity, it's there for any of us if or when we need it. The further education and nice job you desire can be yours. Might take longer than you hope, might have to graft harder than seems fair. But keep focussed on it. And do whatever it takes to stay off the streets mate. There's often no way back. You have my very best wishes. ANY OTHER ADVISORS SEE THIS AND HAVE GOT REAL CONTACT DETAILS AND KNOW THE PROCEDURE???
|
|
So, I'm 18 years old. I've had sex with two previous boyfriends. I started to have sex with my current boyfriend two weeks ago. As we are doing it I noticed that it was taking quite a long time and I was getting exhausted !! After 2 and a half hours doing it I stopped to ask if I was doing something wrong. He looked like he was enjoying it, he was moaning normally. We went on for almost another hour until he was done. Since I stayed friends with both my EX's I kinda asked them if I was THAT BAD in bed...both said I was great so WTF !? Is this normal for guys ? Does it happen or could it be a medical condition ? I'm not ugly or fat...I'm not worshiped in school but after asking this to my girlfriends they said I'm at least a 7...Soooo, what could be going on ? (link)
| |
A guy maintaining a full enough erection to have sex for 3 1/2 hours without ejaculating is indeed a rare bird. An hour would be a true marathon for most blokes, and they'd have to work really hard to delay their climax that long. Still, if neither of you are worried about it, there isn't a problem I guess. I wouldn't take it as a slur on your looks or technique. I'd say if he can hold onto it that long there wouldn't be a lot anyone could do to over-stimulate him method-wise. I'm a bit surprised you're not feeling pretty sore in addition to exhausted... andhe must be in good physical shape. I'm a bit stumped actually. If the only worry is that you're not 'doing it right' I'd say dismiss that idea. If you're otherwise happy with the arrangement, best carry on. And if it's a deliberate act of sheer will and self-control, you could try telling him that even the most demanding lady would be satisfied with about half that duration. Only other suggestion might be that excitement is sort of contagious....so you might try 'overdoing' it a bit yourself on the excitement front...and see if he gets carried along with it when you feel you'd like him to finish off. By 'having sex' you do mean he's actually fully erect, inside and 'pumping away' (sorry if that sounds a bit blunt!) don't you? Not just that you're spending 3 1/2 hours 'together' and enjoying yourselves as it were? That wouldn't be any where near so unusual after a couple of weeks of the relationship, where you will tend to be all over each other...most of the time! Even if he's ejaculated a number of times earlier, a guy will still tend to reach 'climax' in the muscular spasm/reflex sense...although there may be very little semen actually released. And sheer fatigue will tend to prevent a guy from getting another erection eventually...just like the way even an insomniac will eventually sleep when the body says 'Enough!' I don't honestly feel my answer is a very good one at all here...but I'll post it anyhow. Only thing I am convinced of is that it's nothing you're doing...or not doing. The physical attraction must be there, or he wouldn't be having sex with you, or would lose interest (along with his erection & urgency) during the act. A 7's hot when your girlfriends award it I reckon...so no worries there. Best wishes mate.
|
|
I have a problem, I'm 14 and can't stop looking at pornography. Gay porn mostly. (i'm a girl). I also play with down there...And try my best to pee standing up. Help? Is there something wrong with me? (link)
|
There's absolutely nothing wrong with you. If you mean will you turn into a lesbian because you like the girlie-sex stuff, it's not a 'sure sign' by any reckoning. True, some girls do choose same-sex relationships (at times, or as a life-long choice) but it isn't necessarily the ones who enjoy all-girl porn by any means. Pleasuring yourself while watching, or even 'trying out' some of what you see (assume that's the gist of the 'pee standing up' comment??) isn't anything to get worried about either. Isn't this really the object of adult entertainment? OK, it's intended for adults really...but it's an imperfect world we live in. When I was fourteen I bet at least half of us lads had some girlie mags hidden under the bed...till our mums found them and chucked them out...our dads would pinch them for their own amusement!! No internet then...I'm knocking-on a bit! So there's nothing wrong with you...almost. Don't like the "can't stop.."
comment. You don't want to be spending too much time doing ANY SINGLE thing really...not just watching porn. If a thing doesn't get boring, it gets obsessive, then addictive. Starts setting a pattern for addictive behaviour in general. Which is not a good path to start down with your teens still mostly in front of you. So mix it up, keep plenty of other interests and do plenty of other stuff. NOT girlie-porn all day every day, mate...OK?
|
I recently found my old Env Touch cell phone that I stopped using when I upgraded to another phone a few years ago. I turned it on and discovered I still had a ton of pictures and videos in it that I would like to keep. I know you can plug phones into the computer using their USB cord (which I have and it's definitely the cord to this phone) and you can download the pictures/videos to your computer.
Well, I've been trying to do that. When I plug everything in, my phone screen tells me it's syncing my music (I have none on that phone) A window pops up on my computer giving me a different list of opinions and the last 3 are various ways to import pictures and videos. So far I've clicked on all three to try, but it won't work. My computer will tell me I have no new pictures/videos to import, which is false. I have about 10 videos and 200 something pictures still in this phone. The phone is fully charged, working perfectly fine. I can't figure out what's wrong. Can anyone help? (link)
| |
No definitive answer I'm afraid but might shed a bit of light as I've had to download pics to a computer that didn't have the cameras file transfer software or drivers istalled many a time. When the phones plugged in and switched on look to see if the phone has 'appeared' in the list of drives, AS a new drive. I think pc's default to calling anything they haven't got a driver for a 'mass storage device'. You should be able to 'open' the drive and drag and drop everything listed onto the pc, and see what you've got later. If the pix & vids are on an SD or micro-SD card and not the phones internal memory, your laughing. Get a card reader (cheap as chips), put the card in the slot and plug the card reader into your pc. Unless it's corrupted, it WILL appear as a new removable drive and you can DEFINITELY drag them onto you pc like you'd copy or move any other file. Always do that myself, but all DSLR's use memory cards...so might not be much use to you? Not a computer Wiz, but hope it's some help?? ps...if the phone had a drivers/utilities disc...make sure it's installed on the pc you're using as first port-of-call, naturally.
|
|
I really like this girl, and i want to SHOW her that i would do anything for her to be safe, and i really would, i would take 10000000000000000000 bullets for her and im dead serious. i just want to be recognized as a good guy for one day. (link)
| |
Bit tricky to be an old-school hero in the modern world. I reckon they've all had one thing in common though. When 'doing the right & proper thing' is something 999 out of 1000 would back down from, the hero is the man or woman who stands their ground...and does it anyway. Without regard to the personal cost it migh incur. The motive must be flawless, the execution calls for no less than the whole of yourself. Big ask, eh? No wonder they're rare! Still, if you can set your back against a challenge that others have dropped and run away from, give 100% when it's called for, choose the right path and not simply the easier one...and do it time and time again...I reckon you'll be hero enough for any girl. And an all-round good-guy too.
|
19/f.
This sounds strange but I went through a relationship with my ex where we didn't really have sex a lot or anything else. I love sex and feel it's so emotionally connecting. Anyways I went to high school with this guy and we ended up sleeping together one night.(hes 21) Anyways since that happened, we've slept with each other on the last two saturdays this month. He normally calls me around 3 am when he's done partying with his friends and I'll pick him up and we'll go to his house. This sounds ridiculous in the views of some one else, but honestly I don't mind it. Honestly I do have a "liking" for him but at this point I'm happy to just get what I want, (sex) and I know he's happy too. I feel like I've missed out a lot with my previous relationship and even if we aren't talking, I'm not stressed anymore. This is the first time i'm experiencing this friends with benefits type of relationship. I mean as long as I'm happy right now I feel like I shouldn't stress/analyze the situation right? I'm young. But my real question is statistically do friends w/ benefits, work out in the long run? do they more often turn into relationships or not?
If we became something i'd sort of be interested but i'm NOT TRYING to rush anything. I know that sounds ironic since we already slept together. Thoughts, exc? Negative comments don't bother leaving what ever has happened happened. Looking toward the future. (link)
| |
Hi there. Replied very recently to a post regarding casual/no-strings sex. Whether, and how successfully it works out depends largely on expectations. If you both genuinely want no-strings, recreational sex then the arrangement is mutually beneficial and since both parties get precisely what they expect, neither will feel dissapointed or let down when the relationship doesn't progress further. It's absolute nonsense to say that a deep, or indeed ANY emotional commitment is essential to enjoying sex. (If anyone chooses to disagree with this statement, would they please inbox me explaining why prostitution exists, and is 'the worlds oldest profession'!!) It will 'work' as long as neither of you begin to feel that sex should, or must imply a deeper commitment. Of course, if you both decide to make the relationship more formal, fine. But where just one of you has this feeling there is immediately a conflict of expectation and the mutually beneficial nature of the arrangement will break-down. Possibly with a good deal of hurt and recrimination. Ultimately it will not last indefinitely...it will either become an attempt at a committed relationship, or it will have to go...since it precludes any other committed relationship. Unless the new partner is VERY understanding, or very naive indeed!! In the meantime it is neither right or wrong, simply what you want and what you have chosen. Statistcally, as you mentioned it...the number of adults who drift through their entire adult life, together, but 'not together' as it were, and with no commitment to one another at all must be extremely small. Because this means in effect you have both 'committed to a lifetime of non-commitment' which is rather too 'circular' to be sustainable...it must run out of momentum??
|
|
How to make my boyfriend horny.What to say to make my boyfriend turned on.I really like him but i want to tease him a lot.But i don't want to have sex yet. (link)
| |
I can see exactly what you're saying. But there is a risk of things running away with you once you emabark on this path. Don't know your age, but if the pair of you are in your teens, well you won't have to do much at all to arouse him really. Just pressing against you while you kiss will usually be enough to get him...er..interested...shall we say! Even just sitting beside you and looking into each others eyes might be enough a lot of the time. Don't overdo the tease. Partly, you can easily over-excite yourself in the doing of it. And when guys get constantly aroused, but don't releive the tension as it were, they can get a bit pushy, and moody and a tad argumentative. Since you're not planning on going much further yet, you'll have to knock him back. It's not that he's being mean, male arousal centres around testosterone. It's a hormone...and it's the same one that's also involved in aggressive behaviour in males. He's can't handle it through sex because you're not planning sex, he's not going to have a physical punch-up with you because you're a girl and he likes you. But it will often show in a picky, argumentative reaction. Thought I'd better point this out. There's some common stuff a young couple can do. Some save their most up-front teasing to exchange by phone, when you're not physically together. I'm sure I don't have to draw you a picture to explain how this works. Bit of trust needed if you swap texts...make sure he's not the type to save them and show his mates for a cheap laugh at your expense. Also, lots of young couples tease and excite each other and then defuse things by intimate touch long before they start sex. Meaning handjobs! It's very common and it's gone on as long as anyone can remember...because it works. Plenty of girls DO have full sex much too early and regret it for one reason or another. And of course pregnancy can result through mistakes or wrong information. There's not much to regret about making your boyfriend come, or letting him touch you a bit intimately by comparison...it's no where near such a 'big thing'. With a little imagination, matched with self-respect and self-control there's plenty of ways you can arouse each other without having full sex, and I think it's a very good idea myself. Since you can't pretend the feelings 'aren't there'...but indulging them fully really should wait until you have lots of confidence and trust in each other, and most importantly, until YOU feel ready. Have fun...and really...girls don't have to do TOO much to give lads a hard-on in their teens and early twenties. It's STOPPING us that's the problem!
|
Im 14 and Iva had sex like 10 times. But they say i suck. What should I do?
(link)
| |
Totally agree with your answer from Zanee here. I assume (and very much hope) that at 14 your partners have been close to you in age? And not greatly older (which is DEFINITELY not a position you want to be in). If they are your age sweetheart, how much experience do you think THEY have of great sex? How do you know it's not THEM who haven't got a clue? And yes, if all they want to do is to try and sound big and clever by making hurtful comments about you or two you then they're too immature for you to be allowing them this amount of intimacy with you at all. I don't like playing the 'If he really respected you he wouldn't...etc' card because all cases are unique in some way. But I will here. If sex was a disaster, and even if it was undeniably you who made it so, NO guy who cared for you at all would turn round and say 'You suck at sex'. Ever. OK? And if you're determined to have full, adult relationships so soon...try and choose a boyfriend who behaves like an adult around you. Best wishes...and ignore the comments. ps...got to add this, sorry if it's wide of the mark. But when you say 'they' you're worrying me. You're not involved in some scene with guys a lot older than you here are you? They're not a day over, say 18 at absolute max? It's not something you don't dare tell your girlfriends about when you're chatting? If it is please inbox someone you like the sound of on this site with a private message and talk to them about it. If it's so, they're VERY BAD NEWS. Sorry again, if I'm totally wrong.
|
|
The guy I'm talking to is always talking about girls he'd like to have sex with. We'll be talking about something and all of a sudden he'll send me a pic of a celebrity and be like "I would last 3 seconds man those legs she'd be mad but I would be the happiest man alive". Am I wrong to have my feelings hurt? Everytime he does that i just want to cry and i dont really know why. hes not one of those guys you can be emotionally vulnerable eith either so im stuck keeping it bottled in. I know we're not technically dating but I just think its disrespectful i never do that to him so why does he do that to me? I can't help but think maybe hes not even really interested in me. I get guys are naturally sexual people but does he have to always tell me about all the girls he'd like to screw? I'm 22 and he's 19 btw (link)
| |
19 is possibly a bit old to be obsessively fantasising about celebrities, and of course it is fantasy. Do you think he's a bit emotionally immature in general? They're not actually a 'threat' to you, naturally. He's never going to dump you for a date with Beyonce really, is he? He sounds a bit of a dead-loss to me unless he grows up a bit. I mean, a guy might have a 'tongue-in-cheek' and meaningless chat like that with his male friends, but with a girl...it's a bit odd. Only other thing I can think of is he's using it a bit to get your conversations focussed on sex, to show you he's 'a sexual person'.He's 'setting his stall out', you might say by, projecting these feelings onto celebities, rather than you...but they're MEANT for you. You're a little older...so are the celebrities (?)... suggesting that he likes 'older women' maybe?? If you follow? Sounds a bit complex. But projection is complex when you analyse it, but it's not uncommon. Whether that's acceptable or not is up to you, and how you see the relationship unfolding. Possibly, he might just like winding you up...so maybe look for someone a little more adult.
|
Hi there,
So today I got a mail from Paypal for the first time ever, it was addressed to my dad. My dad does not know how to use Paypal or any technological savvy stuff. I am just curious how they got his full name and address without him having an account with Paypal.
Am I paranoid for finding this alarmingly strange and possibly illegal that Paypal has his details without his knowledge?
Any advice or stories of your own similar to this is appreciated.
Thanks! (link)
| |
Hi. Think the first thing you MUST do is inform your dad of the email. If he's not sure what PayPal even IS you've got a problem. On the plus side, this is a secure, encrypted sight, used by a lot, possibly millions of people. Maybe the only way to be safer is not to buy ANYTHING on-line, EVER. However secure, if someone has acquired sufficient amounts your dad's financial and personal details from some other source they could of course set-up an account, and basically make purchases which will be charged to him. You probably know all this already? Identity theft, I'll point out is most definitely NOT a figment of paranoid, conspiracy-minded people, it's VERY real. So tell him quick. You might get 'Yeah...it's cool...I needed to get something and I follwed the instructions to set the account up...etc' Or you might save hime from a good deal of time, hassle and possibly unrecoverable payments if it's unauthorised use of his account. Consider this URGENT...and get to it mate!!
|
|
so i just had sex for the 4th time and it hurt alittle but all the times i had sex didnt feel good even this one is that normaly also he makes me really wet but still dosent feel good (link)
| |
Patience, my friend! Can take a lot of couples a while before it starts to fire on all cylinders! Now you've told us it's not quite 'happening' for you...telling it to your boyfriend is of course a much more tricky challenge. Us blokes have got fragile egos, so you can't let it sound like criticism...or you'll spoil his day completely!! Feeling a little bit uncomfortable so early on doesn't really signify a major problem...you're ok there. He's getting you aroused and wet nicely...another box ticked! Try using your feminine savvy. When the bits that you really enjoy happen, or you feel it's promising...plenty of praise...tell him it feels great...and you could stand plenty more of THAT! No praise for the bits that don't do much for you of course. Get the picture? I know you ladies often think guys are a bit selfish when it comes to sex. But sometimes we're not getting it quite right because we don't quite know what 'right' is for you. And we can feel pretty devastated when a girl we're really keen on says it's not that good for her. So big-up the positives and you should get him going in the right direction. Best wishes.
|
|
Ok so been with him for over a year... I love him to death and I'd love to be wanting to "play" with him too. For one he's in a different state than me so kinda only able to do any of that more pleasurable stuff over Skype. It sucks. I love getting off with him but its ALWAYS just me showing him more skin. I loved it when we first started dating and he would go and let me see him jerking off. Now he won't do that at all. What can I do to hint it towards him? I told him something like I haven't been able to cum as hard as I used to. But now he is thinking I will need a toy. I don't even know if I want one but I just said sure because he seemed so excited about the idea. I guess I'm just asking for a lot here but I don't know what else I can do. Our relationship is really hurting and I'm so afraid to loose him. Please help me figure out what I can do. (link)
| |
I think you need to find out what's caused his change of mind over letting you watch him. He was happy with the set-up previously. Do you feel able to confront it head on? If so, tell him outright that watching him masturbate was an 'essential part of the kit' as it were, for your enjoyment. He might not realise that it was. Hinting that it's not as good for you has led to him suggesting a toy...so there's a chance he might have gone down the wrong path as you might say. It's tricky, and it's clearly not having a good effect on your relationship. But I reckon you've got to get this bit (why no more watching YOU??) resolved. And go from there. If you get a result and he resumes, don't lose the opprtunity to give him lots of encouragement and let him know how much you love seeing him 'come'. Give his ego a bit boost, eh?? There could be other reasons, but until you get stuck in with a direct attack and find them, there's not much further you can go I reckon. Good luck...you've invested over a year in the relationship so it's worth your best shot!
|
I have been thinking about society's double standard on how one night stands are viewed as, depending on whether a man or woman has one. I am 28, female and have had three one night stands before, two of which I regretted, one which I did not regret- simply had fun with and did not make anything of it. I am confident and comfortable enough in my own skin, that I don't use sex to create a false sense of emotional connection with someone I don't know. Sometimes I just want to have sex and enjoy it, no pressure. Although I don't turn every encounter with a man into a one night stand, I have hadsex on the first date before. But it leaves me feeling like for a guy it's no big deal, while women (I hope I am wrong about this) might get branded as some sort of easy slut. Men get horny and just want sex sometimes, and so do women. Some men want the emotional connection there first, and so do some women. I find myself wavering between these two, depending on the situation.
I'd like to hear people's thoughts on this:
a) if a woman has sex on the first date or just a one night stand, does it make you think she's a slut (aka, you stop taking her seriously)?
b) what is your opinion on a one night stand? Do you think there is a double standard, and do you agree with it?
I've been thinking about this, because it bothers me that a guy in my shoes would probably feel perfectly fine about having one night stands, where although I can sometimes just have sex for fun and be okay with it, I am left wondering if it would make some people think of me as a "slut." (link)
| |
I'd say society, or this anonymous 'voice of the people' is largely the workings of each individual mind. Which judges acts based on what it believes is 'general opinion'. In a practical sense, other than the stirings of this 'collective consciousness' the vast majority of 'other people' are concerned only with their own lives (which we call solipsism, or 'only I exist, the limits of the world are the limits of MY world'). In short, other people don't particularly care to any extent if you, I or anyone else has casual sex...or doesn't have casual sex. For the people involved I'd say it's largely down to expectation. If both wish to enjoy no-strings, recreational-only sex the arrangement is beneficial to both. Each get precisely what they expect, with no recrminations or slandering. If both are seeking a relationship, sex on a first date may well result in a longer-term relationship forming. Again, both parties are quite happy with the result. Where there is a conflict of expectations, one party will inevitably be dissapointed if the one night stand or casual relationship goes no further. Or of course, feel dissapointed because it DOES! In which case the man may feel that the girl was 'just a slut...'. Or the woman affirm her opinion that 'men only want one thing...they just use you for sex'. The double standard you mention is much less pronounced than it was, say 20 years ago. Whether that's because we're all 'more liberated and enlightened'...or simply all more self-obsessed I wouldn't care to say.
|
|
How do I make my boyfriend last as long as I do to climax? (link)
|
Jeez...if I had a one-stop fix for this I'd publish it and make a million! Let's look at a few things. It's basically a timing problem. Guys go from unaroused to fully aroused pretty quickly. From here they soon get to climax and ejaculate. Then return to an unaroused state. Picture a sort of graph where the line goes up quick and steep, a narrow peak at the top and then straight back down to zero. Women go from unaroused to what the biological types call a 'plateau stage'. Where they're horny but not orgasmic. Picture a line going quite steeply up at first, then levelling out. For you, coming needs another rise in arousal level. But unlike us mere blokes, you ladies can stay 'on the pleateau level' for a LONG time. And after coming, only return to the plateau level, not right back down to zero. Are you with me so far? So how do you use this boring info? Try getting your boyfriend to get you well and truly on that plateau with LOADS of prolonged foreplay. Don't let him 'start' as it were, or he'll just reach his peak...game over! When you feel like you're well worked-up, on the way to coming, THEN he penetratres you and does his 'bloke stuff'. He's giving you a good 'head start' if you like. There's now a much better chance that he'll still be going when you reach your climax. To shorten the odds further still, it helps if he consciously
tries to 'hold back'. Pressing less quickly and urgently when he feels he's about to come, perhaps repeating it a few times. This should delay things and mean you'll actually be having sex for much longer. Be a bit patient and understanding with him at first. From the blokes point of view...welll...it's a big ask! Still, with a bit of practice eh? Tell him his own climax will be much stronger and more pleasurable the longer he 'holds on'. (It really IS too...you're not telling him fibs!!) Of course, a big part of satisfying you is in his attitude and technique, so make sure you tell him what you like...and dislike. Don't be shy. We're not mind readers, but I honestly think most decent blokes, when they're with a girl they're dead keen on do really want HER to have a good, satisfying experience. When you've got him pushing all the right buttons, and sorted out this frustrating 'timing issue' I reckon you'll be coming first plenty of the time. Oh, and don't get sidetracked too much with various lotions, pills and devices etc which are supposed to give a guy an everlasting erection without ejaculating. They're pretty much 'snake-oil' for want of a better term. I'm sure general medical opinion would agree that the only 'sex pills' that do anything are the Levitra/Viagra types which allow blokes with genuine erectile dysfunction to enjoy normal, healthy sex lives. The rest...dubious. If orgasm-cream existed...wouldn't it sell in shed-loads! Sorry for long waffly answer...I'm a bit of a loose-end now the Cheltenham Gold Cup's finished!! Have fun...and happy orgasms, with a bit of luck!
|
sometimes i get those sexual toughts and that makes me feel uncomfortable i feel like everyone knows what im thinking,i get in class sometimes too and i feel like a huge pervert,am i?
and theres this guy in my class that i sometimes stare at and i feel this strong desire for him and im thinking like: oh god i wanna fuck him. and im fucking 15,is it ok orrr? (imma gurl) (link)
| |
No you're certainly not a pervert for thinking a lot about boys and sex at 15. I'd only be surprised or shocked if you didn't! Nobody, of course can really know what you're thinking. Mind-reading is a stage-act. Girls are pretty intuitive mind you, and might guess you're fixing on this particular guy, but you're actual thoughts...they're impenetrable and private. I dare say they'll all be lusting after some fanciable male. The ones a little less mature in outlook might be fixed on a celebrity, tv or movie or music star...they're a bit 'safer' as you might say. You're fancying a real life guy, in the flesh. Sexual thoughts mean you're just growing naturally into a perfectly healthy young woman. With all the right bits, all working properly and doing what they're meant to do. That's really what all the talk of hormones and the like means. Don't get too loved-up and feel he's your destiny, love-at-first-sight and stuff though just because you're looking at him and feeling horny though will you? You might end up his girl, in his arms and having sex with him when you're ready...or you might look at a dozen more likely lads before you choose the lucky bloke. Have fun...and don't freak...you're not a huge pervert. I promise you.
|
|
today when i got home from school she told me she had to talk to me. My mother had found my tumblr. Yes, there were plenty of things i shouldn't have blogged about. I know they were wrong, bad words, drugs, anything a mother would be disappointed about was on that tumblr. She was extremely disappointed. She started crying and i started crying. Now she thinks that's the type of person i am, but i honestly am not. I just blogged those things to look cool or because other people thought it was funny. I know, very very immature. I am so stupid. while she was telling me this there was nothing i could do besides cry and tell her i am so sorry. now she won't talk to me only when she needs to. She can barely look at me. I really am a good kid. I deleted the entire blog. I am done with tumblr forever. I just want me and my mom's relationship to go back to the way that it was. Nothing good has happened between us the past couple days,I can't take this anymore. It's tearing me apart. I need help? (link)
| |
Hello mate. That's a tough one. She's read it in all it's details and there's nowhere to hide. I think you've got to request a 'talk' with her, the way she did. All this social networking stuff is so new, but what a lot of you younger guys and girls chat about...that isn't so new. There was no such thing when I was a teen, and I doubt it was the 'big thing' it is now when mum was your age. But most of us, male or female used to like to 'talk big' as you might say. Put on the style, try and make out we were savvy to everything. Sex and drugs and rock'n'roll! This might be a good angle to approach mum from. Make sure she realises that the fact it's all recorded and on-line doesn't necessarily make it any more true than the big talk and the attempts at looking cool that are part of 'finding your feet' as you get a bit older. If everyone who talked big about drugs was, or became an addict...there'd be a lot of addicts. And tales of sexual exploits...well a lot of teen chat is far-fetched to put it mildly. Laughable might be an apt description for some! You need to point out that you're not into all this stuff in a big way, it's just cool talk. Of course, there was and always will be a minority who actually ARE. I often think that they're the ones who talk about it least. Naturally, mum's dissapointed in a way that you're even thinking about stuff like this. While we've got parents, we all have to accept being 'dissaproved of'...it's what parents do! She can't keep it all hidden from you as much as she'd like to. Time to show her that you're a mature young lady now, and it was just a little slip on the path to adulthood. Perhaps in a way, you're relationship will NOT be QUITE the same again. It will develop and grow and mature...just like you're doing. And so it should. Best wishes...don't let the sun set on the situation too many times. Tackle it ASAP!!
|
|
i was trying to help my dad today but he got mad because i wasnt doing it right, ive never been so hurt of what he said to me. i cried alot. i feel so alone because my dad was the only person i can really talk to.. i just want to know is it ok if my dad swears at me sometimes? (link)
| |
Think it depends largely on the relationship you have with your dad. Some young guys and girls have a pretty robust relationship with ther parents and they often verbally 'trade licks' as it were, including swearing at each other from time to time. And it's taken lightly, offednding neither. Now it's obviously hurt and offended YOU. Maybe it was out of character in the usual run of things in YOUR relationship with him? You say he's the one you can really talk to...that suggests to me you've got a good bond with him. You might tell him that cussing and swearing at you upsets you badly. Meet him half-way, by maybe getting a bit 'thicker skinned' as it were. A little verbal outburst is a common way of letting off a bit of steam and doesn't usually signify real hatred. Of course, mentally and physically abusive relationships are very real, sadly. But it doesn't sound to me like you are in one. Sometimes a little outburst really 'clears the air'. Stops the pair of you sulking and brooding over it like you might if it was left unsaid. You might find that yourself as you get older. Adults DON'T ALWAYS reason everything in out in a rational way. At least, not on the spur of the moment!!
|
religion is a very important thing for me and i was very sure about my beliefs an year ago(im christian). but then i thought about Satan and i get a part of him,i mean he was rebelious,he was different,well yeah he is pure evil,but he was an angel before and he was God's favourite,i think that he was in lots of pain and thats why he became so hatefull and evil,does that make me a bad person or a satanist or what? is it wrong?
- ghostgirl7 (link)
| |
Not having any religious conviction myself I may not have the answer you're looking for. But I know the story...Lucifer the brightest and best...envied God...became personification of evil...etc. What you're doing here is 'empathising'. You see that what he did is wrong, but you're trying to put yourself in his place and understand why he did it. It must be hard going from 'hero to zero'...he must have felt hurt...wanted revenege, wanted to pull down the establishment. Can't give the religious angle on this, but in the humanitarian sense empathy is a good thing. Not blindly judging the situation from your own perspective but trying to see it from the other persons side, looking for reasons and no simply heaping out blame & condemnation. And to a 'worldly' person like me, that makes you a very GOOD person indeed...and not evil in the slightest. Empathy is not the same as sympathy. I don't personally see why a woman of faith couldn't empathise with the devil without breaking her religious doctrine. Any help mate??
|
|