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One Night Stands
I have been thinking about society's double standard on how one night stands are viewed as, depending on whether a man or woman has one. I am 28, female and have had three one night stands before, two of which I regretted, one which I did not regret- simply had fun with and did not make anything of it. I am confident and comfortable enough in my own skin, that I don't use sex to create a false sense of emotional connection with someone I don't know. Sometimes I just want to have sex and enjoy it, no pressure. Although I don't turn every encounter with a man into a one night stand, I have hadsex on the first date before. But it leaves me feeling like for a guy it's no big deal, while women (I hope I am wrong about this) might get branded as some sort of easy slut. Men get horny and just want sex sometimes, and so do women. Some men want the emotional connection there first, and so do some women. I find myself wavering between these two, depending on the situation.
I'd like to hear people's thoughts on this:
a) if a woman has sex on the first date or just a one night stand, does it make you think she's a slut (aka, you stop taking her seriously)?
b) what is your opinion on a one night stand? Do you think there is a double standard, and do you agree with it?
I've been thinking about this, because it bothers me that a guy in my shoes would probably feel perfectly fine about having one night stands, where although I can sometimes just have sex for fun and be okay with it, I am left wondering if it would make some people think of me as a "slut."
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I will answer, but if you expect us not to judge you, do us the favor of not judge us, in other words, don't rate people for their opinions here.
My opinions are and always have been; it is none of my business what kind of life style someone else wants to live. Never speak to others what your life style choices are. Live the life you can live with. I have no right to judge the life style of others. And there is no right or wrong life styles, only right or wrong life styles for me.
There is nothing in your life style that is wrong, if you don't feel it is wrong. As to labels, I don't use them.
I asked you not to rate my opinion and you do so anyway. I'm done with conversation pieces in an advice column. I don't care what others think about my opinion and I don't believe anyone has the right to judge me except my God. The first thing you need to learn is respect for others young lady, and respect for their wishes.
If you wish to discus other written opinions, they are different and many, I know them too, but I don't hold to them. Be well.
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I'd say society, or this anonymous 'voice of the people' is largely the workings of each individual mind. Which judges acts based on what it believes is 'general opinion'. In a practical sense, other than the stirings of this 'collective consciousness' the vast majority of 'other people' are concerned only with their own lives (which we call solipsism, or 'only I exist, the limits of the world are the limits of MY world'). In short, other people don't particularly care to any extent if you, I or anyone else has casual sex...or doesn't have casual sex. For the people involved I'd say it's largely down to expectation. If both wish to enjoy no-strings, recreational-only sex the arrangement is beneficial to both. Each get precisely what they expect, with no recrminations or slandering. If both are seeking a relationship, sex on a first date may well result in a longer-term relationship forming. Again, both parties are quite happy with the result. Where there is a conflict of expectations, one party will inevitably be dissapointed if the one night stand or casual relationship goes no further. Or of course, feel dissapointed because it DOES! In which case the man may feel that the girl was 'just a slut...'. Or the woman affirm her opinion that 'men only want one thing...they just use you for sex'. The double standard you mention is much less pronounced than it was, say 20 years ago. Whether that's because we're all 'more liberated and enlightened'...or simply all more self-obsessed I wouldn't care to say.
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