I am an advice hound. I love to give advice, get advice, read advice columns. I love telling people what to do ; D
Truly, I have a love for people and an honest desire to see every individual excel and succeed in their personal lives, to shed themselves of as many burdens as possible and enjoy this strange and terrible and wonderful gift that is LIFE
Location: Los Angeles
Occupation: advice guru and life coach
Member Since: June 9, 2009
Answers: 900
Last Update: February 5, 2012
Visitors: 32914
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Okay here's the problem. I have a small group of friends that I hang out with in school. When we're glad and happy, it's all howdy-dowdy and good. However, if I ever mess up or become upset, they joke around and laugh at me (in a "friendly" manner they say). Since I'm Asian and smart, they think that if they get a higher grade than me, they can go "Ohh! I beat you!" or "Oh-! Is your mom going to say,'YOU FAIL TEST GO TO SWEATSHOP NOW'?". When I'm upset, they say things like, "What's wrong, got a B+ ?" They also make mean jokes and insult and criticize my art jokingly. (With things like,"Why does she look like a slutty schoolgirl?" or "Her eyes are retarded.")
I'm pretty sure they don't mean any of it, but it just pushes my buttons. I'm unsure whether I should tell them how I feel, because they always have something to say and will probably try and make me look like the enemy (Which has happened before). But If I leave them, there's nowhere else to go. I'm really shy and there's not much people I know...
What should I do? (link)
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Doesn't sound like these guys are very good friends. You have 2 choices - the next time someone makes a crack you can tell them the sound racist and it makes you uncomfortable or you can decide not to hang out with them anymore, if its too hurtful for you. If you decide to strike out on your own, try joining a club or activity at school, something you like (reading, math, acting, whatever). That way you'll be able to meet other kids that you already have things in common and its easier to make friends. Good luck.
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17/f, i feel like such a hypocrite. i always get mad when people judge people just by the way they look, act, dress, i'm very good at making friends & i am friends with every type of group in school.
however, in my english class, i sit in this corner, with these three girls who are very different (one girl pretends she is Australian, & pretends to have an Australian accent, and told everyone she has it just because she went there, over the summer..etc.) anyway, they all try to talk to me & they are nice & stuff, but i mean i don't have anything in common with them, & i just think every time i walk in there, oh great, those weird girls are going to bother me. & right after i think that, i feel so ashamed that i am judging people, i hardly know! & sometimes i just ignore them, & i feel so horrible after. how can i change my ways, with these people? i've never been like this before, i can't believe i act like this. :( (link)
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I'm not sure you're being a true hypocrite. I think you're just being a regular person who is forced to socialize with people she really doesn't like. You don't have to be friends with everyone. That doesn't make you a bad people. However, its always best to treat everyone you meet with kindness. Since you have to sit by these girls, do your best to be kind and courteous. You don't have to socialize with them outside of class, but it never hurts to say hi when you see them in the hallway or at lunch. When I have to spend time with people I'm not really excited about I try to find at least one thing I like about the person, and work on ignoring the rest. That way, I feel more comfortable having a conversation with them. And who knows, you might even learn something from them too, even if they are kind of annoying. Don't be so hard on yourself. While you're with them do your best to be the upstanding young lady you sound like you are and outside of class, continue to be kind, but remember, you are not obligated to be best friends with everyone.
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last night i gave my bf a bj and he said he liked it, but then he said he wanted to go farther and i said you will find out tomorrow....should i do it??? im 14 btw (link)
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Hell no! I'm sure you really like each other and you feel you are old enough for sex, but trust me, 14 is too young. Every available study on this shows that girls who lose their virginity before the age of 18 are more likely to suffer depression, eating disorders, low grades and of course more likely to get pregnant. When you give a guy your body you are giving him more than that. You are giving him a piece of you. As a woman, the most powerful gift you have is yourself. If you give it away before its time, you lose that power. Once you've done it, you can't take it back, and the mystery that drives most young men to get to know girls like you in the first place is gone. The decision is yours, of course, but it won't be like you think it will be, and I know you'll end up regretting it. And if you're not having sex you shouldn't be experimenting like you did last night. You're just leading him on and pretty soon you'll have a reputation that will be pretty hard to drop in your high school years.
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About breakup: I cared very much about him, but he said he needed space/wasn't me it was him/need to get a better job, etc.
I am heartbroken, but I figured if he really cared about me, he wouldn't have cut me off like that, and it is time to move on.
I've looked around for other people to date, and it is probably too soon. I keep sabotaging anyone I talk to with either talking a little while and not responding, or making up some excuse not to go out with someone.
So to give up on it, I'm tempting myself to get a seasonal job at a ski resort, to throw myself into some good hard work in order to get over it. I thought if I was in a place that was fun, that I could choose later what I wanted to do.
The thing is, I don't know if I'm being impulsive or not. I have a decent place to live and a job now, I just feel down and I thought the change of pace would be better.
That, and I think I have the slightest hope that the ex might call and say he made a big mistake and wants me back. If I'm in Colorado or someplace else, it'd be harder to just move back. So I wonder if I'm holding myself back or not.
I've always been 'with' someone. Since I was 18, I've always had that guy that took care of me. I don't need taken care of now, but I just feel very alone.
Is finding new work in a new location going to be helpful? Should I consider doing something else?
I guess I need a sounding board on what I should do next. (link)
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I don't think its impulsive. I think its smart. You are realizing you need to make a change in your life. You need to learn how to be more independent. Its smart, kind, and independent women attract good men. You need to find yourself and who you are before you are ready for a healthy relationship. The best way to do this is to challenge yourself. I say go. Go quickly. Go now. Look at it as an adventure. You're young. You have so many years ahead of you. Do as much as you can while you can, so when you finally do find that man of your dreams who loves you the way you deserve to be loved, you'll be able to offer him the love of a woman with no regrets and experience that makes her interesting and exciting. And finding new challenges and new interests are the best way to get over a broken hard. Go for it! You never know what exciting things lay just around the corner, if you only take the chance. Look at it this way - the only thing you know for sure is that if you DO nothing, nothing will happen. But if you do SOMETHING... well, you fill in the rest for yourself. Good luck!
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I have been writing a lot of questions lately but I have a lot concerns lately.
My first pregnancy I had high blood pressure during pregnancny, during labor and after the baby for a few weeks..
This time my doctor said I am a high risk patient. (different doctor)
my symptoms now are,
severe headaches, nause or vomiting, blurred vision, shortness of breath and some mild back pain.. once in a while i get mild pains in my stumach
Should I call my doctor and make an earlier apt. my next apt is on the 17th. (link)
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Yes. You are carrying a child. Don't feel silly or stupid or about it. Its always better to be safe than sorry. Good luck!
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19/female!
So i will admit, i don't get along with most girls. they just annoy the crap out of me! i do have like two good girl friends, and thats all! so i love hanging out with the guys all the time, their so real. the only problem is all they talk about is girls! their either talking about wanting to get with a girl, wanting to hang out with a girl or always texting girls! and sometimes when i'm with them they'll go meet up with girls and i'll just leave because i don't want to go! it's just annoying. does this happen to anyone else? i love hanging out with the guys, but i tend to get annoyed when all i hear about is girls! and i feel like i love hanging out with the guys because then i get all the attention, so when they start talking about another girls its a bit awkward. (link)
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If you choose to hang out with guys, then you have to put up with "guy talk". Its what guys do when they're together, and it really isn't for girls to hear or understand. If you don't like it, you should find some other people to hang out with. But I don't really think this is the issue. The real issue is why you choose not make and cultivate relationships with women. You say they annoy you, but you're a woman. Do you think you're annoying? My point is, not all women are annoying. Perhaps you avoid women because you've been hurt in the past, or you feel intimidated. Or, as you already pointed out, you enjoy the attention you get from males. Either way, its a problem that you should really sort out. There's nothing wrong with enjoying male friendship, but there is something wrong if you just want it for the attention and you avoid other females. Its important to have relationships with other women. It will give you a place to enjoy "girl talk" and, if you choose to surround yourself with the right people, will help you learn how to grow into a better woman yourself. Examine yourself and your motives a little more closely, and find ways to spend time with other women, women you like and who are more like you. Don't be so hard on them, or yourself, and you just might find a great support system.
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Well, I've liked him for a really long time now. We started talking this year after a lot of friend introduction (managed by me). But now we're talking a little, and everything's pretty good. The thing is, I'm attracted to him for looks, and I guess personality too but I'm not 100% sure I like what he does for fun. He likes to do weed, and get drunk. I mean, not a lot or not too often, but ya know, the fact that he did it kinda bothers me. Also, I'm scared to get closer to him because I feel that he's had more experiences with girls than I've had with guys. I'm really shy around him in person but can talk about pretty much anything online. Last night, we were having a conversation about our "freaky-ness" level. It got me really nervous cuz I'm really worried about his expectations from me. What should I do? I really want to be with him but at the same time, I don't know if he's serious or flirting or what? And if he's serious, then how do I get over my fears because I'm a pretty innocent girl. (link)
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Think of this as a simple crush and hold on to your innocence. This guy may be cute but he sounds like bad news. Not just because of drugs and alcohol but also because of the things he feels free to talk to you about. It is not gentlemanly at ALL to talk to a young lady about "freakyness", especially one he hardly knows! Just walk away from this one. You deserve someone who can treat you with respect, as the special young woman I'm sure you are. This guy may say the right words, but his actions are speaking volumes!
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I am a freshman a big state school, over 40,000 people.
But the problem is that i cant seem to find friends.
I read the book "the naked roommate" and i have read many tips and i have tried them.
During the first couple of days it was extremely easy to follow those tips, simply because everyone was in the same situation- no friends. I met a lot of new people, and i was very open minded, i would start a conversation with anyone in range, and would sit with random people to eat with.
But now it has been over a week and things seem to be changing.
Groups are being formed, close friendships are starting to develop, relationships and so on...
But yet i still feel like im on the same boat as i was the first day; no friends.
And its worse now, because everyone has friends, so its harder to strive new conversations, and to sit with random people.
At first, we would have a lot of activities where i would meet a lot of people, and now my floor/hall barely does anything, so the opportunities are narrowed down.
The first couple of days i would meet a lot of new people, and even got some of their numbers, but when i saw them later they wouldnt even say hello or acknowledge that i was there.
It seems like i get peoples numbers, and meet new people...but they already made friends, and a lot of people that i feel im starting a friendship with i later see walking by with other friends and groups.
I am always alone, walking to class alone, hanging out in my dorm alone, and even eating alone. It is now very hard to sit with random people because they are already with their groups and friends and when i try it, its like i barely get a conversation because the friends or group just talk.
I am getting tired of being alone...and i wasnt always like this.
In highschool i had many friends eventhough i was only at that high school for two years. People would invite me places, and here its like they dont even bother to send a text or invite me anywhere.
I have gone to a couple of frat parties and meet people and later text them/or see them and eat with them...but things just end there.
Its getting kind of depressing to always being alone and seeing so many people being happy with friends and enjoying college.
I have joined two clubs but it isnt helping very much.
What should i do?
thanks (link)
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You've done the right thing by joining clubs. Its a great way to meet people with similar interests. Give it some time! You haven't been there very long. I promise, you will find some kindred spirits, you just have to be patient. Also, ask yourself if you're trying too hard. Sometimes people can be put off by someone who seems like they are desperate for friends or conversation. It sounds silly, I know, but just be yourself. You don't need to try too hard. Friendships will develop on their own. They'll come from just getting to know people through study group or in your dorm or in your clubs. It takes time to get to know people. It may seem like others have made friends easily, but its not like that for everyone. And those friendships you see right now are still just superficial, those people are just getting to really know each other. Don't be so hard on yourself. I promise, it will happen for you, but just be patient. Just keep doing your thing, stay friendly and keep getting involved in things you like to do. The friends will come to you. Good luck!
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Riight well i went to this party on saturday were i got pretty drunk (stupid idea i knoow :/) but since then iv been really hungry.
like after i eat a meal or somthing about 2 hours or more later i get hungrey again and just keep eating :S
its not much that i eat maybe just a small bit of chicken out the fridge but i feel like i could go for a hujungus sandwhich
im 18 and male if that makes any difference
im not gonna over do it and im starting to eat healthier breakfasts because a fry up everyday at work wont do me any good after a while so its better i start now before it gets too crazy (link)
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When you drink a lot, it depletes your body of carbohydrates. If you wake up the next day craving a certain food (like breads or potatoes) that's your body telling you it wants to replace those carbohydrates. Go ahead and eat. It will help.
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I'm 17 years old and i suffer from major depression. about a year go i had my first love and lost my virginaty around this time. We only dated for a month but i truely did love him... everything about him scared me because i never felt that way about anyone. i got really high one day when i was with him and my mind told me i didnt need him. it was the hardest break up ever but for some reason it didnt bother me till later that day. Not even a week went by and i found out he had sex with my bestfriend (at the time). and it hit me hard. i went into such bad depression i didnt even want to get up in the morning. all i did was eat and sleep. i gained 30 pounds in a matter of 3 months (not even). and now 10months later i'm the same weight. it sucks. I have a boy in my t we're not offical just yet and everyday i think about my first and how much i wish i coudl take it back and how i wish i was still with him and how much he still means to me. i go to his myspace almost everyday and just wonder how it would of been if i was still with him. p.s. he knows i gained weight and told me i look like a cow and to lose it. that just mad me cry.... help (link)
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This is why I advocated girls waiting until marriage (or at least much, much older than you) to have sex. Sex is not just a physical act, even though other people and tv and movies would like you to believe that. When you had sex with your b/f, you formed a deep emotional and psycological attachment to him your mind and body were not prepared for. When the break-up came, it affected you on that same level. Now you're paying the price. You wouldn't be the first girl to gain 30lbs over a guy, you won't be the last, but the weight isn't the point. The point is that you're trying to feel the piece of you that you lost when you gave yourself to him with food. For the weight loss, I recommend Weight Watchers. I did it myself and lost 75lbs. Its great, cheap, and you can even do it online, so no one has to know. For your heartbreak, all I can tell you is to do your best to avoid anything to do with him. You need time to heal, but you just torture yourself by constantly fantasizing and looking at his myspace and even talking to him. By the way, honey, any guy that would tell you that you look like a cow is a complete loser. That right there says it all. You can't take the past back, but you can shape your future. Move on from this guy, he doesn't deserve you, and from now on, think about waiting for sex. I know I sound like a prude in this day and age but trust me, I know from personal experience, its worth it, and so are you.
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ok i did something i regret now ... i went to facebook and Steve was logged in and i didn't even notice. I saw there was a new message and i didn't realise until i was in his inbox that i was under his account not mine. once i was in there i couldn't help but read a message he and an ex of his had been sending back and forth. Apparantly she asked him how i was doing and he didn't answer so in her next one she mentioned "oh i see you didn't answer my question about Julie ... what gives" and this was what was sent next ... my heart sank and i wanna cry ... it made me feel really bad and i dont know what to do. i can't say something to him or he will get mad at me for reading his messages ...
*BF* August 20 at 4:14pm
Well, we are still together and doing well, but we still haven't had sex. We have talked about it, and she told me that if I happened to have sex with someone, she would understand. Because I have been patient with her for almost 4 years now. I'm not going out there and looking for sex from girls, but we talked about the fact that since I haven't had sex in awhile, and if someone is making passes at me, and I don't think I can refuse, she would understand. And I didn't answer the Julie question cuz she was walking into the room as I was sending my last reply, so I didn't want her to catch a glimpse of me talking about her in that capacity.
*EX GF* August 20 at 6:49pm
You go. NO WAY would that ever be me. I have no idea what her particular issue is but I really think you are either a saint for being with her still or truly wacked. Her reasons for not having sex are hers, whatever they are waiting for marriage, what have you, but (playing devils advocate) whats to say that she doesnt continue this after vows are said, because she just isnt into penis.4 years is WAY too long to have lived with a man you profess to love and NOT had consumated with. There is another issue there. Believe me or not. Choose what you wish. No woman that "loves you" would say "I understand" if you have sex with another woman. Sure only if she was secretly relieved that she didnt have to deal with "that" herself. I gain nothing by putting these thoughts in your head. I just want you to think. There is no reason for you to be in a half way relationship unless you are happy that way. And if you are than forgive my opinion. You deserve to be happy.
I mean i am serisouly crushed right now that he is just openly talking about it to her like that ... i mean do i pretend i didn't even read it? Do i just brush it off? what do i do??? im about to flip out seriously ... ug ...
(link)
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This is why its never wise to read anyone's personal emails, diaries, etc. You might not like what you see in them. I realize it was a mistake, but you're paying the price anyway. Regardless, you've already seen it, so what now? Well, it isn't really appropriate for your boyfriend of 4 years to be talking so intimately with an ex, especially about you. It sounds like he's frustrated and needs someone to talk to. But he should reach out to another guy he trusts, not an ex-girlfriend. However, the ex did say something that caught my attention. "No woman that "loves you" would say "I understand" if you have sex with another woman. Sure only if she was secretly relieved that she didnt have to deal with "that" herself. " There may be a little truth to that statement. I believe you really do love your boyfriend, or you wouldn't be so hurt now, but telling him you understand if he has sex w/ someone else? That's a little strange. You didn't really elaborate on your reasons for not having sex. I personally believe sex should be saved for marriage, when its safer both physically and emotionally. I don't know if you feel the same, but obviously your boyfriend doesn't. He must truly care for you to have been with you this long. So far he hasn't taken you up on your offer for "sex with other people". But why would you want to be with a man who would do that? There is so much I'd like to say, but it would take forever. Probably the most responsible choice you've made in this whole deal is abstaining from sex, so don't second-guess yourself, but you may need to ask yourself some serious questions. Why exactly are you abstaining? If it is something other than moral reasons, do you need help? Would it be better to be with a man who shared your same values? What would you really do if he did sleep with someone?
Finally, you really do need to talk with him about what you saw. And it sounds like he needs you to talk about the whole sex thing. He actually sounds hurt that you said he could sleep around. So talk to him. You both need to be plain and clear about what type of relationship you have, where its going, what you would like it to be, and what the boundaries are. Otherwise, staying with him is likely to cause more pain than happiness. I hope this helps, at least a little. Good luck to you.
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Hi,
I am a 17f. Theres this guy I met and have known for several months. He is 18 and he is the absolute sweetest guy ever, which is why I like him. We have hung out a few nights and cuddled a little. The problem is, I know he has another girl that he feels strongly for. He told me about her and hes told me he loves me, but its not the same love that he has for this other girl. Then he tells me later that he just loves me. He also said he wants to kiss me to see if theres 'a spark', I didnt think that would be right so I didnt let him. I dont want to get closer to him, expecially knowing he has another girl. Everyone thinks we are dating and I keep telling them NO WE ARE NOT. I think I really like him, Im just unsure. I think hes unsure as well. He makes me feel like I have never felt before, but I can't help but think that he will end up ditching me or I might find someone better.. you know? I told him we should just be friends..deep inside I want it to be more;I am sure he does too but..yeah. I have never dated before, cuz all the other guys I know are losers and just want sex. I want it to be right. I am not the kind of girl that dates just anybody for the hell of it. Please tell me what you think, Just be friends or.. ? (link)
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You're gettin' played girl. Walk away before this guy uses up anymore of your energy, and start learning to trust your instincts, sounds like you have some good ones.
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So I searched Facebook's Help Center, and found nothing. Probably because there's nothing to find, but I'm going to ask anyway.
If you hide your friends' posts from being visible on your wall, and vice versa, is there a way to find out?
Meaning, is there a way to know if my friends ignore me, or if they can find out I'm ignoring them? (link)
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There's not really an official way, but if I notice I haven't seen post from a friend in a while I'll look at their page. If I see they've been posting a lot but I haven't been getting them, I pretty much know I've been "de-friended".
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Hi I'm an 18 year old female and this is my first semester at college. I don't drink hardly any milk when I eat, so I don't think I'm getting enough calcium. Right now I am taking a womens multi vitamin and on the back it says I am getting 50% of my daily calcium value. So my question is would it be okay to take a calcium supplement along with my multi vitamin or would that be too much? Thank you! (link)
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Maybe you should do a little internet research b/c I've heard too much calcium can be bad for your body.
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okay so today, i noticed that i was wetter down ther than usual now im 16. and discharge i would think is like DRIPPING out. it doesnt smell. and its not chunky but its like muckesy. and whiteish. and its a lot. so whats that mean. (link)
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Your body is going through a lot of changes at this age. Some discharge is normal. I'm not sure what triggers it at different times, but basically you should only be worried if it smells bad or changes color. Otherwise, it may be inconvenient and uncomfortable, but its not dangerous. Good luck!
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19/F
Don't know if this is in the right section or not but.. Is it normal for your entire period to be brown? I'm on birth control and always use condoms too, but this month my period was extremely light.. And only brown blood. No red! This has never happened to me before! Is this normal? (link)
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Yeah, sometimes you will have cycles like that, especially if you are relatively new to the pill. I've been on the pill for 15 years and I still have a lot of periods with more "brown" than "red". You're fine. The pill also makes your period very light. I have some that last a day or two. Not to worry!
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Hey! well thanks for the advice,but you know how you told me that there was another "love interest"well not really...because I dont love the other guy>I don't even see him as more than a friend.But about the guy I like,trust me;I've told him,I really like him,and I've also thrown some indirect comments there so he can get the point,and well I know he gets what I'm trying to tell him.The thing is,everytime he looks at me,he sees me for like the longest time and he is about to ask me the BIG question,but then he backs off.lol I think he is shy.Thanks again for the advice. (link)
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You're welcome. Good luck!
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is there a such thing as a two-way headphone set? so 2 ppl can listen to music at the same time from the same mp3 player? (link)
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All you need is a headphone splitter. Its a little doo-dad you plug into the headphones jack on your machine and it has jacks for two headphones. They cost b/w 5 and 10 bucks pretty much anywhere that sells headphones.
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I just moved into college on Friday 4 hours away from my home where I left my boyfriend behind. We both cried when he drove back home and I've never seen him show any sort of emotion besides happiness. I cried again that night...more like bawling, then again the next day when my parents came back for a freshman ceremony. Everyday I'm on the edge of tears and I hate it because I am not a cryer. I'll be good all day but as soon as my boyfriend tells me he loves me (text or on the phone) I get all choked up and I can feel my eyes swelling. The good news is that he's applying for a school half an hour away from me but it won't start for a few months. I really need help getting through the months until he gets here...I can't keep crying everyday. Even writing this I'm getting choked up. Its crazy! Plus my college has constant planned and required activities for 2 weeks at least and I'm not the type of person who can be forced into friendships. They want to keep us distracted so we don't think about home and so far its working but I feel like if I keep pushing off my emotions then I'm going to have an even bigger meltdown down the road..
Help please! (link)
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You just moved! Give yourself some time to adjust. It will get easier, I promise. Unfortunately, until it does, you just have to wait it out. You can do it. You'll still miss him, but it WILL get easier, I promise.
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I met a boy on holiday, yeah I know typical. I’ve never had any experience with boys (16/f), but with him i was defiantly comfortable and so was he. When it came to intimate stuff, we could talk openly about things, for example, whenever we tried to lock fingers i couldn’t do it properly and we laugh about it and stuff like that, he is a gentleman. We spent four hours on top of a hill, talking. Hugging. Nothing else. We were alone and he didn’t try a thing. He didn’t want to scare me away, infact he told me all of this.
We have an amazing connection – we both like the same football team – we even went to the same game, he fishes like i do, he goes horse riding like i did, just things like that – these aren’t lies because he showed me pictures and videos of him fishing etc etc, so its not him trying to fool me etc.
He is in the year below me but I am only three months older. We get on so well. He broke up with his gf in January and they went out for a year and a half, so he has pretty had a lot of experience and stuff. We just get on so well, and even though i don’t have a lot of experience with boys, i know i really like him, and that he really likes me. He lost his mum when he was 13, my mum was diagnosed with a disability called MS when I was 6 – so we both share some sort of similar pain.
The only problem is he lives and hour and half away from me. Its not too hard to get there and stuff but I wouldn’t know how we would juggle things – me with work and college and him with his GCSE’S. Last year, this happened to my friend but in the end he didn’t give a shit about her. I don’t want that happening to me but if anyone is making a bigger effort its him. He sent me a message on facebook an hour after we said goodbye and sent me a text message to wake up to. Little things like that – my friend’s “summer” crush never did that. Infact she was the one making the effort. I know he is making and effort and I know I want to.
Should I give it a try or should I leave it, on a high?
(link)
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Keep communicating. Enjoy this stage in your life. You've found someone you feel a connection with. Just because you can be together doesn't mean you can't communicate. Its fun to have a "crush" that lives somewhere else. Talking to that person can be an escape from your real life and the people in it. Just enjoy this new relationship, even if it can't be what you want it to be right now. Things may change in the future, you may not talk as much or decide the distance thing is too much for you and just talking and texting hurts too much, but until that time, enjoy yourself and enjoy getting to know each other even better through the phone and computer.
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