A quick note: If I answered a question and you have further questions for me, please include a URL link to your original question(s) so that I can be sure of what we're talking about. Questions that reference something we talked about a week ago that I can't quite remember are kinda hard to answer.
Welcome to my column.
I don't apologize for my answers. I speak to the audience, and in doing so I sometimes tell the audience things they don't want to hear or cant handle.
I believe in stands on principle. I believe that doing right for the sake of doing right is a good way to live. I believe in self awareness and encourage it in others. I offer the most unbiased viewpoint I have. And yes, I am only human.
Im going to tell you what I think you need to hear. You are not supposed to take what I say and follow it. You are supposed to take what I say and _think_about_it_
Oh, and feel free to ask me questions, but netspeak, ebonics, terrible grammar, and your teen angst about a crush will be ignored.
Location: No where you've heard of.
Member Since: July 16, 2007
Answers: 2588
Last Update: April 13, 2014
Visitors: 97366
Main Categories:
Love Life
Random Weirdos
Mental health
View All
|
| |
|
Okay sooo...I want to jump my boyfriend all the time. The morning during lunch, at night. Basically anytime. I don't know how to stop. He doesnt have a problem with it his sex drive is just as high as mine, its just like im at work, and all i can think about is him. I dont know what to do anymore. Please help (link)
|
This is pretty normal for 19. It'll calm down in a few years to a pleasant buzz instead of an insistent alarm going off asking you why you're not naked every five minutes.
Best answer in the moment is occupying yourself if you can. Absent that, there's always the occasional nooner.
|
I went to the gynecologist and took a pregnancy test, However I had sex the day before I took the test...I was wondering if I took a pee test if it would still give the accurate answer? Or would the results take longer than just a day..? (She told me it was negative) Today is the 4th of May and I still haven't got my period yet but the doctor also told me it could be because I am overweight...but the thing that concerns me is I never ever had an issue with my period being delayed except for one time and that is when I had birth control removed.
(link)
|
If you had sex the day before it would not show up.
Sperm can survive up to a week if they reach the fallopian tubes. You ovulate generally on the 14th day after your period ends.
Lets say you had sex on day eight after your period, and got tested the next day. You could (conceivably, no pun intended) not actually have your egg fertilized for another 5 or 6 days.
Once the egg is fertilized, it can take anywhere from 3 to 12 days to fully implant on your uterine wall. It is at that point that your body actually recognizes that you are pregnant and starts pumping the hormones which get recognized by the test. This is why they tell you to wait until after you miss a period, because that's a sign that your body has recognized a pregnancy.
|
|
Hello i have a big issue with my husband watching porn. I feel like im not good enough for him. He promised me up and down that he hasnt watched it since the last time i told him how much i disliked it. I recently just found out that he's been watching it this whole time and now i feel like i cant believe him. He's in the army and he wont be home for 3 months. I know its not a big deal to alot of people but for me it is and promises mean alot to us. I'm just so devastated that he lied to me.. What should i do? (link)
|
Watching porn (and by association, masturbating) are normal activities for guys of just about any age. Porn is not a replacement for you. Porn is a focal point.
Think about archery. What do you shoot at? A bulls eye. What is a bullseye? A central point. Where would you shoot if there were no central point? What if they just gave you a white circle?
Masturbation is kind of the same. When men make associations, they are often visual in nature. We remember things as pictures more easily and words with difficulty (about the opposite of women)
So, where a woman reads a trashy romance novel, Twilight, etc, men watch porn. It's a central focus that is associated with sexual arousal.
You should also know, that psychologically speaking it's been hypothesized that by far the most prevalent form of latent sexual kink is the desire to watch other people not yourself having sex.
Last, have you ever searched for porn yourself? If you have, you might notice a trend. The vast, and I mean VAST majority of porn produced past present and future is labeled based upon the sex act.
Some websites which contain massive collections of a variety of clips, some dedicated to a specific sex act. But most of them are labeled by what the people in the film are doing.
Why do you think that might be? It's because the people are largely irrelevant, all that matters is that they are within some degree of mainstream standards for attractiveness and that they're naked and fucking each other. And while it's true that there are some famous pornstars, all that really means is that person is capable of doing a good job representing whatever fantasies the person who's watching them has.
|
I haven't had sex and im 15... Am I a freak? Cause it seems like all my friends are talking about having sex and I don't even WANT to until I am married.
(link)
|
The normal and most common ages for losing one's virginity range from about 17 to 24. Whether waiting until marriage or just fucking a random guy, anywhere within that age range could be considered "normal" by the virtue of the fact that you're doing what most everyone else is doing.
By contrast, having sex before 17 would be considered abnormal. Last study I read estimated that the percentage of virginal high school graduates is still hovering around 50%.
Sex is a personal choice, like many other things you will encounter in life. People will tell you what's "normal" and "abnormal" about sex, like they will do about many other things in life.
"Normal" and "Abnormal" are usually pointless, arbitrary, and irrelevant, just like many other things in life.
|
I am an overweight college student, and I hate it. I'm always tired, and seem to be the only one yawning in class. I want to lose weight, and I know a large part of that comes from portion control. However, once, I attempted portion control for an entire week, and I was ALWAYS hungry. I had to literally force myself to put my plate in the sink. Between meals, I would eat small, nutritious snacks like granola, yogurt, protein bars, and a few pretzels. I know how to "fill up" on water, but I can't constantly be leaving class to go to the bathroom. can anyone help?
(FYI, my mom does all the cooking in my house, and she cooks healthfully. I just usually eat too much. Also, as far as my nutrition, I'm healthy, i'm just overweight.) (link)
|
::Edit::
Wow. You walk to a bus stop and back. I'm in college and I'm a server. So I walk around campus alot. And we got these neat little "step measurement" thingies at work cause our boss is ridiculous and likes buying gagets, and we found out that we generally walk between six and eight miles on a busy night. I work five nights a week.
I'd still consider myself lazy, and I'm a bit out of shape. It's not about how far you walk (and you don't walk far) it's about the amount of time you exercise in a proper way to get your heart to the target fat burning rate for your body, and about keeping it there for more than 20 minutes multiple times a week.
Also, walking around in heels is stupid. You're causing undue strain on your knees and ankles and getting zero additional health benefits from it.
But yes, based on your now second extremely defensive reaction and the need to modify the question instead of just posting another commentary on the feedback makes me think that you are probably lazy and the fact that you pointed out exercise you get because you do other things (and the fact that you thought that walking around in heels is exercise because you hurt when you're done) kinda confirms it. Thanks for trying though :D
::Break::
What are you talking about? A successful weight loser? I didn't even mention your mother, and yes it is a fact that if you exercised more your portions would matter less.
I guess you're just a bit lazy, and the prospect of moving your slightly larger than usual ass off the couch is a prospect that angers you. Sorry, didn't mean to get your chins a-jiggling.
::/Edit::
First, exercise more, and portions will matter less.
Second, if you need to, look into appetite suppressants. They are among the most benign and easily available forms of diet pills.
Those two together should help you out a bit. Also note, if you're having issues with weight and with fatigue, you might want to check into your birth control side effects. It's a random idea, but my wife was depressed, went off BC recently, and it's like she's a whole other person.
Last, this isn't a suggestion so much as information which you can do what you please with.
I used to be the type of person who ate until they were full every meal and never skipped one. I'm a big guy in alot of ways which aren't about being overweight, so I needed more food anyway. Then I hit interim at the house I was living at, which means I was at a student housing facility which provided my meals during the winter break when no food was provided.
I made tuna, ramen, a few loaves of bread, a few misc veggies, and some other things you don't want to contemplate eating last the entire month. Went out to a buffet with zip locks so I could obtain fresh veggies. Was too poor to afford to buy anything.
I went very, very hungry. Ate once a day to give myself fuel and tried to ignore it the rest of the time. Had to ration what I had so that I didn't run out and still went four days with nothing but water at the end of the month.
By the end of the month though, hunger didn't and does not affect me. I'm actually hungry right now. Haven't eaten since two chicken tenders last night. Don't care. It's had the additional side effect of making "feeling empty" a bit normal and feeling full not. I hate feeling completely full now, it's not comfy to feel bloated and stuffed.
Probably wasn't healthy, but when I finally do manage to get the time to get back into working out at the gym, changing my eating habits is mostly done already, just have to eat healthier.
|
Fourteen years ago, I was baptized Catholic. I attended a Catholic school from kindergarten to second grade. Aside from that I never went regularly to church, still don't. In the beginning of third grade I moved and attended public school. However, about a year ago I started doubting my religion. I did my share of research and found it that ,maybe, Catholicism wasn't the religion for me. So I declared myself agnostic, I still do. I still am very unsure of what to believe. Anyways, when I tried to 'clue' it to my mom she exploded and TOLD me I was Catholic and that God WAS real. Pretty much forcing this upon me. I believe that religion is a personal thing and that a person should not force it onto you (like baptism). I respect my mother and the Catholic church and their beliefs. I just so happen not to believe the same as them. So what I wanted advice on is my mother. Should I just not even try to get her to understand me? We usually get along fine, it's just the topic of religion that we have our different views on.
I would appreciate it if your respected my views as I do yours, so please don't bash me. (link)
|
Ha.
I come from a Catholic family the exact same as yours. I kept my mouth shut the way you have not and avoided your reaction. I've since found my spirituality and still do not feel the need to talk to my parents about it.
Religious education amounts to brainwashing, and one of the first things they teach is anger. You caught a nice big blast of that by being honest, it's how the religion has been around as long as it has.
First, understand that the more devout a Catholic you are the further entrenched your basic beliefs are. Questioning your beliefs is handled like sickness, and you need to realize that it's entirely possible that your mother will never accept agnosticism or even just a different sect of Christianity as anything but a conduit to hell and something she is called to save you from.
Some parents are capable of accepting that their children are/will eventually be adults and have the right and responsibility to make their own decisions. These parents are in the extreme minority.
The rest, like yours, do not ever completely transition from a parent's affection to an adult's respect. There are varying degrees, but with Catholic parents and an angry reaction, you know yours is on the heavy end of the spectrum.
Keep your shit to yourself until you're independent. As much as it sucks, part of becoming an adult is learning to pick your battles.
And this isn't one you can win. As much as you'd like to have an educated and adult conversation where your mother understands you as a person and connects with and appreciates you for it, reality is that likely you'd finish your impassioned teenaged autobiography and she'd have spent the entire time waiting for you to shut up so she could assure you that what you were feeling was normal and you just needed to attend bible study or have an exorcism or get sent away to a special camp for disbelievers.
Add on, you're a teenager. That whole "parent looking at child" issue is exacerbated because parents largely disregard the things their teens do or don't believe in as inconsequential. You're a teenager, you're all stupid.
You've picked one of the few issues that she can and probably will dismiss as you being stupid that isn't. Which means that if you don't rediscover your faith on your own, if you go full force now it'll likely be "a phase you never grew out of" when you continue to maintain your belief/disbelief in whatever later in life.
This issue, if handled carelessly, could cause a rift that will not heal. I do not speak to my parents anymore, and the central issue there is that I do not believe as they believe about more than just spirituality, and they found out.
She does not want to understand you. Understand that last of all. Not really. She wants to understand you as a daughter, but she does not want to understand anything about the part of you that can question God's existence.
Because if she understood it, she might doubt too. Avoid religion like the plague, at the very least until you're moved out _and_ independent. I'd say the same if you were Gay instead of Agnostic. There will be plenty of years for them to understand you after you've gotten some level of adult respect. If you sabotage the adult respect early, or allow it to be sabotaged because they're too set in their stupid ways to be open minded, you're all going to suffer.
|
|
I know this probably isnt the best idea, but I wanted to get into my boyfriends myspace, just to see what his ex girlfriend has been sayin but he wont tell me. Shes not a threat or anything im just curious. I have all his passwords and stuff except that one and i dont want to have to reset his password, is there anyway i can get it without having to reset it? (link)
| |
Stay out of his shit. You have no right to access it.
|
|
Omg...I let out a pretty big one WHILE we were intimate...to be really specific...he was right by it when it happened. Obviously after that happened, he laughed and so did I...but it did kind of mess up the mood and he just sat up and started watching tv. He randomly made fun of me throughout the day, but I just got really butthurt (no pun intended). I became really self conscious..thinking that I just ruined our sex life and that he will forever be turned off and I ruined his fantasy for me. I used to be so confident in the bedroom and this just TOTALLY messed it up for me. It feels like I'm making it a bigger deal than it is...but that's just the way I feel. Obviously, he got turned off because he didnt continue and kept making fun of me. Gawd...any feedback? (link)
|
I know more than you. I know you're a child, and so is your boyfriend. My advice was spot on, it's not my fault that he broke up with you and wouldn't let it go. I imagine you being worked up over it might have had a contributory effect, he could very easily have just branded you as uptight and walked away not wanting to deal with your insecurities.
He's immature. You can't really fix that, but it's not my fault either. Maybe chill out in the future and stop railing on people who offer short advice on getting over something that is, I repeat
NOT A BIG DEAL.
If a douchebag left you for farting during sex, that too is not a big deal. You're better off with him gone, and my advice is still the best way to handle it.
Moreover, getting angry because your short story with little to no actual question wasn't given a perfect page long answer which solved all your problems is really, really immature. You're acting like a 13 year old, your question just asked for feedback and I agreed with your original assertion that you might be making too big a deal out of it.
What else was I supposed to do? Hmm? What answer would you have WANTED to get? Or are you just angry and bitter and lashing out at someone you don't know over the internet?
Chill out. Your state of mind isn't doing you any good and it's not like it's hurting him. The more you freak out, the harder it's going to be to leave this stupid event behind you. In a month or two you won't care. Or you'll be a typical teenager and turn this insignificant life event into the focal point of your overly emotional and overblown drama tendencies, and agonize over it for a while.
Which sounds smarter to you?
|
so i have a boyfriend. we're both 17. i can't figure out if he's using me for sex or not. he knows i'm a virgin and i didn't give up my virginity my ex who i was dating for like 14 months. we've done everything but actual intercourse. he always mentions it to me and i told him that i'm not going to do that with someone i've been dating for like amonth. he does text me everyday and sometimes he blows off his friends to hang out with me or he invites me to hang out with him and his friends. whenever we hang out we always end up doing sexual stuff like oral and stuff. i like him but i just don't know, i don't trust guys..
oh and we've only been dating like almost 2 months now. (link)
|
You already fucked up most of your ability to figure it out.
The teen mentality is a mystery to me, I didn't get it even when I was in the middle of it. How you can engage in oral most of the times you see a guy and yet keep your virginity for 14 months...
You're 17. Coming up on adulthood. It's getting to be about time to leave the "we do oral and make out and give hand jobs and dry fuck, but we don't ever have sex" bullshit in the past with your rapidly declining teenagehood.
In the adult world, sex is sex and intimacy is intimacy. You don't take your clothes off around a guy unless you're sure he's interested in more than just sex, or you both are just in it for sex. Either way, you don't inch into it with blowjobs.
You figure a guy out based on how much interest he shows you outside of sex and sexual subjects, and how willingly he respects your boundaries.
The way to tell is to cut down on the sexual activity and try to see if you have something in common or can stand each other during normal activities. Of course, when you withdraw sex, you damage the relationship. This is a fact you can't escape from.
So you can trust him and hope, and at some point have sex with him and wonder. Or you can test him a little and likely spiral what connection you do have intro the ground.
The third option is a "where do we stand" conversation, which has about a 50/50 shot of getting you the reassurance you want or igniting a breakup"
It is the most direct way to get a quick solution though, kind of a panic button of sorts.
|
19/f - I'll try to keep this short, but I don't want to leave things out!
I've been dating my boyfriend for 8 months now and we got very serious very fast (we talk about marriage, the future, etc), we are completely in love, which is what makes this so hard for me. There is just one issue that I can't get off my mind and I don't know if it is a red flag or if I should try to look past it because what we have is so special.
I was raised in a very strict and very loyal family and I was raised to believe that you always stand up for what you believe in and you fight for the people that you love. Because of this I am a very strong woman, and I expect men to be strong men.
What attracted me to my boyfriend was his maturity, he carried himself like a man should. However, in the past he hasn't stuck up for me when I felt he should. This didn't alarm me because I handle my own issues, and I really don't have many (I generally get along with everyone)but it was never as bad as now..
His roommate posted some sexual things on facebook about me and my boyfriend, and I am very private about my sex life and have made it a point not to sleep around so I was really uncomfortable with this.. especially because people I knew were commenting on it and laughing about it. So i explained to his roommate why I was upset and asked him to delete it, but he responded in a way that I don't even understand. he posted things like "you just want more attention" and "some one call the humane society to put this b***h down" and evern more sexual things about myself anf my boyfriend. Obviously, I got incresingly upset.. not mad, just embarassed and bullied really.
My boyfriend saw how this bothered me, and mentioned something to his roommate, but his roommate went off calling me names and he just backed down. His roommate continued to harass me via facebook and called me names that should have infuriated my boyfriend. But he never stuckl up for me. After I told my boyfriend I was dissapointed in him, because it would have been one thing if I were being rude back but I wasn't, and weeks later he stepped up to the plate and made his roommate apologize.
Now his roommate is blatantly rude to me, and him and his girlfriend talk trash, and my boyfriend does nothing to help. He says he tells him to stop, but I feel as if by now he should do more than politely say "stop" He tells me he doesn't want to have an issue because he's rooming with his roommate again next year..... I feel that if he handled it correctly his roommate would respect him and they would be friends soon after.
All in all, I lost respect for my boyfriend and am questioning whether or not I can compromise on something like this. I understand why he doesn't want conflict, but now I feel like the protector of the relationship and it's a big turn off. Is this something and can move on from (because I am in love with him, want it to work), and how do I do it? Or is this something that simply makes us incompatable and I should end it?
P.S. the problem isn't his roommate or any of that, it's how he handles conflicts vs. how I think a man should handle conflicts.
Thank you to all that answer, I know it's long. (link)
|
The first thing that comes to mind, is that anyone deserves a chance.
Also, from my understanding of the situation, the room mate has been combative and unapologetic the entire time about this issue. Which makes me a bit understanding about your boyfriend not constantly making a fight in his own house about an issue that obviously hasn't been resolved even at this point.
My problem stems from the fact that in your boyfriend's place I would have been moving out. I might not have constantly started arguments about what he said, but I would have quietly found a new place to live asap and left the room mate in his place.
If your boyfriend is on the lease, that's another problem entirely, and if they're on the lease together then you two need to talk about options. But if you can cut and run, you should. One of my closest friends lives with a complete bitch who he and his girl used to be friends with, and she sucks them into her drama and they too haven't been motivated enough to get themselves out of the situation.
That house/apt. is toxic. Get yourselves away from those two.
Otherwise, yes, you do have a reason to be justifiably upset and questioning. If this doesn't change, and he tries to dismiss it, start thinking about getting yourself out of there without him.
|
|
ok here's the thing im a 20 y.o female, ive been in some relationships but never had sex, that was basically my rule like anything but sex.. not because of religion issues, but more like as in i have the biggest fear of getting pregnant, im still a university student , couldn't deal with a baby right now ... im in a relationship right now with someone i care and love very very much, and i know i want to have sex with him, and i know id have birth control and condoms, but still i have this huge fear , but i really really want to do never been more sure about this. like is it really probably to get pregnant that way? or what is ur recomendation for this ? (link)
|
You have control issues you need to deal with.
It's a truism of sex that the least responsible simultaneously get the most fun and the worst consequences.
No one can make you a promise. That's the nature of the issues you're dealing with. That said, using birth control and condoms in conjunction (and correctly) will reduce your chances to something like one in fifty thousand. Small enough that you could, like the majority of other couples, have sex constantly for years and never wind up pregnant without planning it.
I think, that to some degree you have to let go. I don't want to advise you to go out and have sex when you don't want to, but obviously you have the desire and fear is holding you back.
Sexuality is an adult need. Plenty of people have sex every day who do not want a child, and the adult world does not call it irresponsible. There is an acknowledged need for sex and intimacy among human beings, and so the risks must be weighed and approached in an adult manner.
In most cases, that means taking what precautions you can while not cutting yourself and your partner from the emotional connections you both need to share.
A big part of growing up is managing adult risks. The world isn't entirely safe, but part of being an adult is stepping up to those risks, enjoying the benefits when they pay off, and accepting the consequences when they don't.
|
i think im addicted to weed.
i always need it, crave it want it but yet its not an actual addictive drug....
i love smoking in the morning at like 6 am before school.
and smoking thorugh the day.
and before i go to sleep
i just really love it
the down part is i eat SO MUCHHHHHHH from it
and i waste so much money.
how do i quit? its so hard for me?
and is it such a bad habbit to have? (link)
|
Ok. First, ignore anything anyone said about the physically harmful aspects. Though I know it's not your question anyway, I hate misinformation.
There are ZERO proven links between Chronic Marijuana use and any permanent effects on the body. Mild to significant effects to short term memory while high and for a short (24-48 hour) period of affected mental state after is about the only effect proven other than getting high and various medicinal benefits.
That said. While weed is not chemically addictive, as a recreational substance it has the same potential for habitual addiction as any other activity from WoW to Skydiving. People have destroyed their lives with WoW, with Weed, even with work addiction. There are people who lose families because they are successful at something and get so addicted to succeeding that everything else goes by the wayside.
For a random example, go watch Iron Man. Tony Stark is detailed as a guy who will let everything else go while inventing. His character is addicted to the emotional boost that comes from pride in his own intellectual achievements, to a degree that is unhealthy.
Sadly, smoking weed won't invent a suit of flying armor or make you a millionaire, so it's a bit more required that you manage your particular habit.
The first step is self realization. You are not addicted to the weed, you are addicted to the role that weed fills in your life. Weed is NOT the only thing that could potentially fill this hole, and so without self awareness you could easily even quit weed only to be addicted to some other activity.
The second step is rules and self control. Setting your own boundaries for no other reason than controlling yourself is more important to you than having fun. Cut out some of your smoking time. I won't pretend you'll go cold turkey, but say you wake and bake and then do not smoke until you're at home and everything you need to do is done.
Do whatever you have to to achieve this. Put reminders and signs around your smoking stuff telling you to do your homework first. Get a day planner. Set alarms on your cell phone that you must wait for to smoke if you have to.
Provide yourself structure, and follow it.
As to munchies, there was another question above probably also posted by you that I answered about working on that.
Managing your habits is important. But so is self recognition. You've recognized a problem, so the next step is to exercise control over it, and if you have can't to extend your control over it.
You asked if it's a bad habit to have. Any habit which controls you instead of vice versa is a bad habit.
|
how do you negate the munchies from weed?
i get so hungry and i hate eating when im high.
how do i control it? (link)
|
When you have an impulse to do something you want to avoid, the best solution in any situation is to occupy yourself.
This is the same advice I'd give you if you were on a diet. Only, instead of telling you to go walk a mile, I'll tell you to put on a movie, play some video games, or otherwise occupy yourself with something that takes enough attention to prevent you from getting up and getting something.
|
this might be kinda long so bear with me :)
i have just realized that the main reason why i dont get along with girls my age and dont even get any of them, is not because of me, its because of how they are. i realized that american girls are pretty much sluts, stereotypical, materialistic, insincere, self-centered, and only care about a guy with eitehr a full-on sixpack, or a guy with a ton of money. (Sorry, american women, that's just my opinion.)
i know this might not matter to me, or it shouldnt, but im only 16 years old and in high school, but i've dont some traveling to different countries to see what its like, and what people are like. I went to thailand last summer and all i can say about the people, wow. The men are so patient and calm and peaceful, the women are even the same. they are sincere, always smiling, and always helpful instead of just giving you attitude and scoffing in your face and rolling their eyes.
I went to england and the people there are so civilized. its so different that its unbelievable. The brits dont talk out loud and dont have attitude and dont confront random people in the park about whats bothering them. Its really comforting to be around them, same with Canadians.
i KNOW that you guys might think im being superficial, and kinda stupid like (everybodys different, nationality does change anything) but teh truth is, it does. All of the TV shows in america like, the real world, jersey shore, rock of love, and all of those reality shows influence american girls to dress like the people they see on tv, AND, act like them. Where as in England or parts in Canada, the tv doesnt broadcast so many graphic things as they do in America, And its not only TV, its the radio, music, movies, etc.
i'm actually considering moving to england or to ontario after i graduate high school next year for this reason, just to be in a betetr surrounding, instead of being scared to death in my southern california home wondering if some crook is gonna break into my car.
Again, SORRY to you people who think this is directed to you, its just my opinion. i know this was long, but i appreciate some advice, and some comments. And dont try to talk me out of moving out of the country, ive thought long and hard about it and made up my mind. Thank you! (link)
|
Welcome to the true reason why dating in high school really shouldn't be that big of a deal, and why sex between teenagers is discouraged.
Because, you're all fucking stupid.
There's about an 85% chance that when you are older, wiser, and more life experienced you will realize that you keep running into slutty insincere materialistic bitches because you're not all that different from most of them and you're gravitating towards women who fit into the worst stereotypes because just like them you're a 16 year old who's been trained to believe stupid shit about life and relationships and the opposite sex and don't really know your head from a hole in the ground.
In truth, there is some truth to the accusation of American entitlement and arrogance. And some truth to your perceptions about the rest of the world.
Also keep in mind, that in the rest of the world people see you and think "it's an American who's both intelligent and well off enough to travel". Foreigners always, always get a different treatment. You think British girls don't shit all over British guy's dreams of romance regularly? They're people, just like everyone else, and while cultures change people largely do not. We're all subject to the same biological desires, drives, and impulses. We've all got some level of innate personality that's going to shade everything we do.
And as someone who HAS dated foreign women, they aren't all that much different. The primary difference between American women and European women is how they view sex. American women who haven't had/had much sex view their virginity and sex in general as "a gift to be bestowed upon the worthy" where European women view it more as a fun activity to engage in with people you like.
In other words, they are generally much more level headed when it comes to sexuality. Also much more accepting of orientations and quirks.
Once sex is on the table and not an issue under contention though, things change. You can't pretend it's a magical gift to be doled out on the worthy when you're living with someone or in a similarly serious relationship. It's part of relationship maintenance, and it's normal at that point.
That's when things even out and become about the same. Then, you're dating a person and trying to function with them. There will be ups and downs, fights and love no matter who you're dating, and everything is mostly determined by personality and individual desire.
You're 16 amongst girls who have been taught materialism and to hold onto sex and dole it out like gifting life itself. Most 16 year olds are not capable of seeing much past the world presented to them as they can understand it. You really aren't any different.
If you're seriously looking for an adult relationship (it sounds like you are) then you have to date adults. Generalizing about the children you are among isn't doing you or anyone else any good. And you're not an adult yourself yet, so just be a bit patient.
A bit of hope for the future. Once sex and adult relationships become the order of the day, most girls grow up to some degree, and become more than the vapid cunts who won't give you the time of day. Also, by then, girls want more than appearance.
Think about it. You're in high school. What do girls have to judge you on besides appearance and material? It's not like any of you have accomplishments, or your own lives, or anything else that adults base relationships and attraction on.
College will be better. Just don't go to a shitty one that anyone can get into unless it's absolutely huge. Plenty of awesome women in college, plenty of girls who reinvent themselves into nice people with values freshman year, plenty of opportunities for you to figure out that you don't know shit about what you're talking about in any real sense.
|
20/f
I started working at my retail store back in January and I became close friends with one of the assistant managers, who's 19/m. We got very very close and I really fell hard for him. We started dating a few weeks ago (our one month is coming up next week), and our friends and families know about it and support us. But he doesn't want to make it "facebook" official or let anyone at work know because he's scared our manager will fire one of us or both of us. I don't see this as being likely because we're both good employees, and our manager knows that my bf used to date another one of the girls we work with and he never said anything.
How can I convince my bf to at least try to see if we can be fully public about our relationship? I feel like I'm lying to my bosses and our coworkers, because I have to pretend not to be interested in my own boyfriend :( (link)
|
You need to settle down and leave sleeping dogs alone. He's 19 and an assistant manager. That's something of an accomplishment at least as resume standards for 19 year olds go.
Don't screw it up because you want people to appreciate your relationship. If you REALLY want to be public, get a job somewhere not under him and THEN tell everyone.
If your boyfriend has had a relationship before in this position and is worried about firings then for Christs sake _listen_to_him_.
He's a manager. He's worked there longer than you. And if you're dating him, that means (I assume) that you respect his intellect and don't consider him stupid.
Whether you agree with him or not, whether you need validation from your co-workers and he does not, respect his wishes and keep it silent. Do this in good faith, don't sabotage it by "accidentally" letting something or several something slip to give it away.
Because it's his job and his ass on the line much more than yours. Again, if you really have this much of an issue with it, put in your two weeks notice and go find another retail job.
|
19/M
If my girlfriend and I have both been tested for STDs with negative results, and she is on the pill, how necessary are condoms? (link)
|
Look into spermicide. My suggestion is VCF. You can find it in the same Aisle as condoms, its like a breath strip for her vagina that kills sperm. Put it in, let it dissolve, and you've got spermicide.
If you want to go condomless, but really want to avoid a baby, two forms of birth control are still suggested. VCF is quoted at like 82% effective alone when she otherwise would get pregnant, so with birth control it should help cover that 1% hole and give you extra peace of mind.
VCF absorbs moisture, so if she's not the kind of girl who gets ridiculously lubricated, buy some astroglide. It really is the best lube out there. And for her benefit, remember that neither of these tastes particularly good.
Also, while the pull out method doesn't prevent pregnancy, if you mostly do not climax inside her it does indeed reduce the chances. Fewer sperm is fewer chances, and with birth control and spermicide, it's like a 3rd layer that's only 40% effective.
My wife and I use birth control and spermicide. We're both in school, and while the surprise baby would just be earlier than we're planning it, earlier would hurt us and our plans alot. So we're being safe until such time as she can go off birth control completely.
|
18/f
with 18/m
How ridiculous is it for two 18, almost 19 year olds to move in together in our own apartment? We've been dating for a year and a half. I have problems with my parents but they seem to think there's nothing wrong but its bothered me enough that it stresses me out when I'm living there, so I spend 90% of my time at my boyfriend's house. Anyway, he wants to move in together but I feel like my parents would flip...I KNOW they would flip out. I was just wondering from an outside point of view, do I have a valid argument or is moving in with a teenage boyfriend completely ridiculous? (link)
|
Do not move into your boyfriends house to escape your parents.
It's a terrible, terrible idea.
Living with someone equally, fully sharing space, and the compromises and fights it brings is disruptive. I would encourage you instead to find a same sex friend who wants to live on her own, and get a room mate. Then you can move some of your stuff to your boyfriend's place, your room mate will love you because you'll be gone all the time, and when you and your boyfriend fight you can go home and bitch to a friend.
It's not impossible. This is the very reason my wife and I moved in together.
But we broke up after five months, and then got back together. If we hadn't moved in together when we did for the reasons we did, we never would have broken up.
|
|
Is modding/flashing a Xbox 360 Elite possible to do? If so, how can you do it? Mainly I want to be able to play burnt copies of my games as BACK UPS incase my original games get damaged. So far a few are lightly damaged. I am mainly doing this for BACK UP PURPOSES. Is it hard to do? Anyone have like a guide, instructions, tutorial, etc. on how to do it? Some websites would be helpful. Also what tools/items do I need to do this? (link)
| |
Highly unrecommended unless you enjoy playing your games solo only. XBox live detects modded firmware and will ban the serial number burned into your console from xboxlive. As in permanently.
|
19f.
so last sunday i was at my two cousins birthday party. one is in 6grd and the other is in 8grd.. it was at a hotel. so i went out in the pool area to talk to my two cousins and ended up sitting down and then one of my cousins friends who is in 8th grade came and sat down w/us. i started talking to him, just being nice. well then i ended up leaving and everyone tells me how he thought i was so hot and how he wants to marry me .. hahaa young boys!! well now it's my other cousins birthday this saturday and we're going over to his house and my aunt texted me today asking if i was going and i said yeah are you guys? and she is like yeah we are! and i think we're going to bring mikey too! (the boy who has the biggest crush on me) i told my parents and they think its the funniest thing but i know i'm going to keep getting crap for it.
my question is .. how do i act around him? he texted me, because my little cousin gave him my number and was talking dirty to me .. 8th grade pervs! and so now i feel as though it will be awkward when i see him! i don't want to crush the poor kid and just ignore him but i also don't want to give him the wrong idea. suggestions? thanks!:) (link)
|
Are you kidding?
The worst thing you could do is treat this with kit gloves. Put him in his place, call him a little boy at some point, and tell him that if he sends you any more screwed up messages you'll let his parents see them so he can get in trouble like the kid he is.
Little boys grow up into bigger boys until a woman trains us into men. Start him early, hopefully it'll be one less douchebag in a few years.
|
|
I love my boyfriend and we have unprotected sex all the time. Hes ready for, and wants children but we are not married yet, and I am completely not ready to have kids right now. I want to finish college first. So every time we have sex, he never finishes inside of me because I don't want him to. I should be on birth control but I do not have insurance right now and cannot afford it! Problem is I know he really wants to finish inside of me and I want him to especially in the moment because it is such an intimate, close feeling, I just don't want to get pregnant. Anything I can do? We hate using condoms by the way and never do. Please no lectures about that, I'm not a little kid having unprotected sex, getting pregnant would not be the end of the world I just am not ready for it at the moment. (link)
|
Yes, you fucking can afford some generic pill.
You can go to planned parenthood to get a proscription. Google them and search for the one closest to you. My wife pays 9 bucks a month for no-baby pills. You can afford to pay 9 damn dollars to not have a kid.
You deserve a lecture. You're acting like an idiot, and just because a baby wouldn't be the end of the world doesn't mean you couldn't fix this problem with the tiniest amount of actual effort and thought.
Get on birth control, wait a week, and have at it just like every other responsible monogamous couple.
|
|