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My mom doesn't accept my religious views.
Fourteen years ago, I was baptized Catholic. I attended a Catholic school from kindergarten to second grade. Aside from that I never went regularly to church, still don't. In the beginning of third grade I moved and attended public school. However, about a year ago I started doubting my religion. I did my share of research and found it that ,maybe, Catholicism wasn't the religion for me. So I declared myself agnostic, I still do. I still am very unsure of what to believe. Anyways, when I tried to 'clue' it to my mom she exploded and TOLD me I was Catholic and that God WAS real. Pretty much forcing this upon me. I believe that religion is a personal thing and that a person should not force it onto you (like baptism). I respect my mother and the Catholic church and their beliefs. I just so happen not to believe the same as them. So what I wanted advice on is my mother. Should I just not even try to get her to understand me? We usually get along fine, it's just the topic of religion that we have our different views on.
I would appreciate it if your respected my views as I do yours, so please don't bash me.
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ok.i have the same problem that im agnostic.only im deep in the south with a bunch of rednecks who dont have respect for others belief and force theirs on you.and being young i had problems with people telling me to go to church or question my religion.but they werent mean or nothing just ignorant.so dont bother with your mom just like i dont and dont bring it up and you two will be just fine
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This is a tough one to deal with, I know. I went to Catholic school as a kid, and I wasnt Catholic. I dealt with judgement and problems all the time. Unfortunately it seems that the Catholic Church teaches that if you are not a devout Catholic, you will go to Hell...which is probably what your mom believes. She probably freaked because she is worried and scared. Here's the reality...and you can share this with her if you'd like. According to the Bible, nothing anyone does can ever earn them a place in Heaven. The ten commandments are God's Laws, and all of us have broken atleast one of them. The only way to Heaven is through Jesus Christ. Jesus paid the price for our sins, and by accepting the gift he already gave you, that is the way to Heaven. It doesnt matter what church you go to, or how good you are. I encourage you to seek out answers, and take time to find your beliefs and faith. I dont claim any religion other than Christian. Imperfect, faulty, sinful, and saved. I dont think its that she doesnt understand you, I really think its that she is scared. She loves you, worries about you, cares about you. Im a mom too, and sometimes it is really hard to let your kids go their own way. Even if you dont believe, I hope that you can find it in your heart to forgive her, and love her...Know that she might not understand...she might even try to talk to you about it alot...but I think she is just loving you. Think about it, yuor mom who gave you life, who takes care of you...who loves you...is very scared that if you were to die tomorrow, you would go to Hell if yu had no faith in Jesus, do you see why she might have a hard time? Her faith, her belief, is very strong...She is scared for you.
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Ha.
I come from a Catholic family the exact same as yours. I kept my mouth shut the way you have not and avoided your reaction. I've since found my spirituality and still do not feel the need to talk to my parents about it.
Religious education amounts to brainwashing, and one of the first things they teach is anger. You caught a nice big blast of that by being honest, it's how the religion has been around as long as it has.
First, understand that the more devout a Catholic you are the further entrenched your basic beliefs are. Questioning your beliefs is handled like sickness, and you need to realize that it's entirely possible that your mother will never accept agnosticism or even just a different sect of Christianity as anything but a conduit to hell and something she is called to save you from.
Some parents are capable of accepting that their children are/will eventually be adults and have the right and responsibility to make their own decisions. These parents are in the extreme minority.
The rest, like yours, do not ever completely transition from a parent's affection to an adult's respect. There are varying degrees, but with Catholic parents and an angry reaction, you know yours is on the heavy end of the spectrum.
Keep your shit to yourself until you're independent. As much as it sucks, part of becoming an adult is learning to pick your battles.
And this isn't one you can win. As much as you'd like to have an educated and adult conversation where your mother understands you as a person and connects with and appreciates you for it, reality is that likely you'd finish your impassioned teenaged autobiography and she'd have spent the entire time waiting for you to shut up so she could assure you that what you were feeling was normal and you just needed to attend bible study or have an exorcism or get sent away to a special camp for disbelievers.
Add on, you're a teenager. That whole "parent looking at child" issue is exacerbated because parents largely disregard the things their teens do or don't believe in as inconsequential. You're a teenager, you're all stupid.
You've picked one of the few issues that she can and probably will dismiss as you being stupid that isn't. Which means that if you don't rediscover your faith on your own, if you go full force now it'll likely be "a phase you never grew out of" when you continue to maintain your belief/disbelief in whatever later in life.
This issue, if handled carelessly, could cause a rift that will not heal. I do not speak to my parents anymore, and the central issue there is that I do not believe as they believe about more than just spirituality, and they found out.
She does not want to understand you. Understand that last of all. Not really. She wants to understand you as a daughter, but she does not want to understand anything about the part of you that can question God's existence.
Because if she understood it, she might doubt too. Avoid religion like the plague, at the very least until you're moved out _and_ independent. I'd say the same if you were Gay instead of Agnostic. There will be plenty of years for them to understand you after you've gotten some level of adult respect. If you sabotage the adult respect early, or allow it to be sabotaged because they're too set in their stupid ways to be open minded, you're all going to suffer.
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I am a great deal older than most of the advisers on this site, so my advice will be somewhat different from what you have received and may continue to receive from others.
The three worst topics of conversation to have with someone are Religion, Politics and Sex. Sex is a conversation that all children should have with their parents and later in life with their significant other. All three topics are highly sensitive and come with strong opinions. Most of these opinions are based in fear from generations of fear passed on from one to the next. If you are a Democrat Republicans have horns and tails; there is only one God and he is Roman Catholic or Jewish or he is a she. All this is breed into you during your upbringing.
There is nothing wrong in questioning ones beliefs, this is how we learn. I believe there is a difference between organized religion and faith. This belief puts me squarely in the agnostic point of view. I believe organized religion is nothing more than big business underscored by religious beliefs. Meaning; you get the religion you can pay for. Being agnostic means I belief there is a force bigger than us guiding us and for the lack of another term I will accept the term God as that force.
Since you did not state your age I am going to assume you are less than 18 years of age and living at home. Even so you can still have your beliefs; you must also follow your parents’ teachings. This is not only a religious law it is the respect you owe your parents. You have every right to disagree on this subject but not to the point that it causes dissention between you and your mother. Part of growing up is learning and forming your own ideals. As a parent it is our job to guide you in finding the correct path(s). The correct path is the one that keeps you safe and within the laws of the land.
You are not going to change your moms’ beliefs and you shouldn’t try. What you should do is explain, CALMLY, to your mother that you respect her beliefs but for reasons of your own you disagree. You can go on to explain why you disagree or simply state that she has raised you well and part of that has been to question and explore what you don’t understand. Right now you are exploring the why and you would like to be able to seek the answers for yourself without causing a rift between you. Tell her you love her and respect her and hope she would trust herself enough that she has raised you right to allow you to seek your own truth on this. You may not want to say it exactly as I have written it but put it into your own words.
As I said: to question is to learn and to learn is everything.
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Well, religion is always a topic that stirs up emotion. You have to also remember that much of it is based on fear, so it can be hard for some people to open themselves to a different point of view.
However, I do think that time might be your ally here. And when I say time, I do mean years. For now there is no need to provoke more confrontation. It is clear that your mom is not open to the possibility of being wrong- that is usually the way to assess when to argue with someone by the way, if they are not open to that possibility, you will be wasting your energy.
So, stick to your guns, but do it privately for now. If she asks, explain it to her calmly and rationally. If she argues, defend your points (should not be too difficult considering the lack of proof/rampant inconsistencies in religion). As time goes by you can try to approach her again or to hint at your beliefs when the right circumstances arise- and they will.
Basically what I am saying is that you have a far better chance of getting her to come to terms with this if you do it gradually and give her the time to get used to it. She may never embrace your position, but she may well come to accept it.
Good luck.
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