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issue with my husband watching porn
Hello i have a big issue with my husband watching porn. I feel like im not good enough for him. He promised me up and down that he hasnt watched it since the last time i told him how much i disliked it. I recently just found out that he's been watching it this whole time and now i feel like i cant believe him. He's in the army and he wont be home for 3 months. I know its not a big deal to alot of people but for me it is and promises mean alot to us. I'm just so devastated that he lied to me.. What should i do?
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I wouldnt see that view. Alot of women read juicy books and that doesnt mean there man isnt enough its just entertainment. some times it is just curosity i wouldnt be upset. but if you are maybe try talking again or send him alittle home made porn, or just provoctive pictures of yourself so you feel more included
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Well I'm afraid to tell you that marriage needs sacrfice. Also, you need to remember he's in the army, where there is work work work and work without a sigh of the gender females, so you should be understanding on this side.
And also consider that lying to you may have been unintentionally or unavoidable. I mean put yourself in his shoes, you want to watch porn but you love your wife and want to satisfy her.
Personally, I think you should try on working on this with yourself and try to accept it.
Porn never means that you aren't good enough. And I'm absouletly sure about this.
I just think you should really talk to him about it, like ask him about why he does it and what made him lie to you, and tell him how you felt about. It's going to make you feel better and maybe accept the porn situation.
Good Luck =]=]
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For army guys, porn is like air. You can't take that away from them. I should know; my guy is in the Reserves, and I have other friends overseas in the army.
Why did he lie? Because you made him feel like he was doing something wrong, like he was hurting you, and it was something easy to cover up. So he lied, which is even more unacceptable than the fact that he was watching porn in the first place.
What if you were to make a little video (or take photos) of yourself and email it to him? I normally wouldn't suggest this, but he is your husband, and you should be able to trust him with something like that. Then he'll have his own special 'porn', one that stars you!
Send him a message telling him that you're more hurt by the lies than you are about his viewing habits. Let him know that you understand why he does it, but that it makes you insecure about yourself and you feel that it gives him unrealistic ideas about sex. If he feels the need to keep watching it, you would prefer that he is honest, because honesty is more important than anything.
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Watching porn (and by association, masturbating) are normal activities for guys of just about any age. Porn is not a replacement for you. Porn is a focal point.
Think about archery. What do you shoot at? A bulls eye. What is a bullseye? A central point. Where would you shoot if there were no central point? What if they just gave you a white circle?
Masturbation is kind of the same. When men make associations, they are often visual in nature. We remember things as pictures more easily and words with difficulty (about the opposite of women)
So, where a woman reads a trashy romance novel, Twilight, etc, men watch porn. It's a central focus that is associated with sexual arousal.
You should also know, that psychologically speaking it's been hypothesized that by far the most prevalent form of latent sexual kink is the desire to watch other people not yourself having sex.
Last, have you ever searched for porn yourself? If you have, you might notice a trend. The vast, and I mean VAST majority of porn produced past present and future is labeled based upon the sex act.
Some websites which contain massive collections of a variety of clips, some dedicated to a specific sex act. But most of them are labeled by what the people in the film are doing.
Why do you think that might be? It's because the people are largely irrelevant, all that matters is that they are within some degree of mainstream standards for attractiveness and that they're naked and fucking each other. And while it's true that there are some famous pornstars, all that really means is that person is capable of doing a good job representing whatever fantasies the person who's watching them has.
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Your husband is in the army and won't be home for three more months, yet you're upset with him because he watches porn? Get over it. He's going to watch porn regardless of whatever promises you guilt him into making. You could be a 10/10 model and he'd still watch porn. It's not a reflection on you in any way, so go enjoy the life you have that apparently allows you to make big deals out of such meaningless things.
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first of all, it was wrong for him to lie. you can hold him at fault for that however long you like, its your business.
but one thing you need to understand about men, especially since you're married, is that men get bored easily. he still loves you and i'm sure he finds you very appealing, but men like a little bit of flare, thats where role-playing comes in. i'm not saying you should do that, but try to be a little bit more understanding of what he's going through; he's in the army and he's away from you. he is also evidently not able to have sex. porn may be his only option out there. 3 months is a long time.
what i would do if i were you, is when he comes back, try to sprucen up what you do in the bedroom. maybe try some new things in the sack, or wear some new lingerie. turn on some nice music, light a few candles. make sure he's pleased. he'll really appreciate it, and on top of that, he'll be more attracted to you then ever before.
porn is not really a bad thing until he's watching it more than he pays attention to you, which i don't believe you're at that stage yet. but if you are, get on your computer and block all those sites. you can find out how to do that on a "how to" website. or if he rents videos, try to find them and return them asap.
another thing i should tell you, is that since he cares about your emotions, he probably didnt tell you he was watching this stuff because he wanted to avoid a conflict. but you should have a serious discussion with him about this, it could turn into more than a habit. try out a few of the things i mentioned and see if it helps. :)
take care!
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