|
not MAN enough???
19/f - I'll try to keep this short, but I don't want to leave things out!
I've been dating my boyfriend for 8 months now and we got very serious very fast (we talk about marriage, the future, etc), we are completely in love, which is what makes this so hard for me. There is just one issue that I can't get off my mind and I don't know if it is a red flag or if I should try to look past it because what we have is so special.
I was raised in a very strict and very loyal family and I was raised to believe that you always stand up for what you believe in and you fight for the people that you love. Because of this I am a very strong woman, and I expect men to be strong men.
What attracted me to my boyfriend was his maturity, he carried himself like a man should. However, in the past he hasn't stuck up for me when I felt he should. This didn't alarm me because I handle my own issues, and I really don't have many (I generally get along with everyone)but it was never as bad as now..
His roommate posted some sexual things on facebook about me and my boyfriend, and I am very private about my sex life and have made it a point not to sleep around so I was really uncomfortable with this.. especially because people I knew were commenting on it and laughing about it. So i explained to his roommate why I was upset and asked him to delete it, but he responded in a way that I don't even understand. he posted things like "you just want more attention" and "some one call the humane society to put this b***h down" and evern more sexual things about myself anf my boyfriend. Obviously, I got incresingly upset.. not mad, just embarassed and bullied really.
My boyfriend saw how this bothered me, and mentioned something to his roommate, but his roommate went off calling me names and he just backed down. His roommate continued to harass me via facebook and called me names that should have infuriated my boyfriend. But he never stuckl up for me. After I told my boyfriend I was dissapointed in him, because it would have been one thing if I were being rude back but I wasn't, and weeks later he stepped up to the plate and made his roommate apologize.
Now his roommate is blatantly rude to me, and him and his girlfriend talk trash, and my boyfriend does nothing to help. He says he tells him to stop, but I feel as if by now he should do more than politely say "stop" He tells me he doesn't want to have an issue because he's rooming with his roommate again next year..... I feel that if he handled it correctly his roommate would respect him and they would be friends soon after.
All in all, I lost respect for my boyfriend and am questioning whether or not I can compromise on something like this. I understand why he doesn't want conflict, but now I feel like the protector of the relationship and it's a big turn off. Is this something and can move on from (because I am in love with him, want it to work), and how do I do it? Or is this something that simply makes us incompatable and I should end it?
P.S. the problem isn't his roommate or any of that, it's how he handles conflicts vs. how I think a man should handle conflicts.
Thank you to all that answer, I know it's long.
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
The first thing that comes to mind, is that anyone deserves a chance.
Also, from my understanding of the situation, the room mate has been combative and unapologetic the entire time about this issue. Which makes me a bit understanding about your boyfriend not constantly making a fight in his own house about an issue that obviously hasn't been resolved even at this point.
My problem stems from the fact that in your boyfriend's place I would have been moving out. I might not have constantly started arguments about what he said, but I would have quietly found a new place to live asap and left the room mate in his place.
If your boyfriend is on the lease, that's another problem entirely, and if they're on the lease together then you two need to talk about options. But if you can cut and run, you should. One of my closest friends lives with a complete bitch who he and his girl used to be friends with, and she sucks them into her drama and they too haven't been motivated enough to get themselves out of the situation.
That house/apt. is toxic. Get yourselves away from those two.
Otherwise, yes, you do have a reason to be justifiably upset and questioning. If this doesn't change, and he tries to dismiss it, start thinking about getting yourself out of there without him.
]
I don't think you should end it even though with all
that has happened your boyfriend got his roommate to
delete the comment i think you need to sit your boyfriend down & tell him exactly how your feeling
about what happened that way he'll know everyone handles situations differently your boyfriend deserves a second chance you should try to look past
this even though he didn't handle the situation the
way you would of liked him to he stood up for you and did something & in the end got his roommate to delete the comment which is what truely counts i could see if he didn't do anything at all but he attempted & tried then you'd have a reason to end it but he did the opposite(:
]
I understand really where you are coming from. And I can't understand after all your BF roommate put you threw why haven't your boyfriend severed ties with him! And why is he rooming with this odvious jerk again who constantly disrespect his girlfriend. Is it because he has to for whatever reason or is because he's just doing it again?
A real man is not going to let someone disrespect the women he loves. And his roommate is constantly doing it because your boyfriend isn't really putting his foot down. And what does that really say about your boyfriend true man hood. His friend is a jerk to the highest power, and it seems that for a long time odviously you're going to have to deal with him for a while.
I mean it's all most digusting, he's putting sexual things up about you on facebook. And your boyfriend isn't really doing much and being a push over about the whole siuation. It's wrong and I would be completly angry.
What you need to do is have a talk with your guy. You need to give him some sort of ultimatum! You need to make it crystal clear that he needs to come to your defense a little better than he is... Or you can find someone else who would. I'm not saying break up with this guy because you odviously love him... And it seems that his roommate is your biggest obstacle... But you seriously need to think your relationship threw.
Threw out your lifes theres going to be others who may disrespect you, life is filled with jerks like his roommate. And if he handle this siuation so lightly what will he do in the future. You don't deserve to be disrespected. BUT YOU DESERVE SOMEONE WHO HAS YOUR BACK AND WILL STICK UP FOR YOU!
-The best of luck to you and always-
]
More Questions: |