I'm not here to tell you what to think or do, but to give you as much honest, accurate information as possible. If I don't know an answer to a specific question, I'll research it before replying. I won't sugarcoat things; my job is to tell it like it is.
I've got a particular interest in sexual health and sexuality. I know a lot about fertility and pregnancy - and firsthand now, as I've just had twins. I'm also an accredited sexual health worker.
Gender: Female
Occupation: Counsellor, writer, mother of twins.
Age: 31
Member Since: August 9, 2004
Answers: 1493
Last Update: November 5, 2009
Visitors: 173039
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okay...this guy told me that i had sex appeal today and i dont know if i should have taken it as a compliment or an insult.
so could someone tell me what sex appeal is and if its a compliment or and insult.
BTW: im 13/f and i rate 5 for NONsmartass answers. (link)
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'Sex appeal' simply means that something about you appeals to the guy who made the comment. He finds you attractive.
Most people would probably call it a compliment, but it's only a compliment if the guy sees ALL of you, not just the outside bits he likes.
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i have serious problems saying no to people. i dont know whats wrong with me.. please no smart comments.. its harder than it sounds
i practice saying no and stuff but when it comes to the time i just.. cant
i think its because ive had some bad history with my boyfriends hitting me when i wouldnt let them so as far as they would like
any adive ? (link)
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Instead of wondering what's wrong with you, why not focus on what's RIGHT with you? What makes you a good, unique person?
When you think about all the things you like about yourself, it'll be easier to stand up for yourself. You need to realize that you DESERVE to be able to make your own mind up. Whether you want to say yes or no to anything at all, that choice is completely and utterly up to you.
Perhaps one options is to stay away from relationships for awhile and get some professional help. Abusive relationships can be hard to overcome, and having someone to talk to can really help. Unless you recognize why you do things, and then break the pattern, it'll just continue to go on and on and on.
And you don't deserve that. You deserve to be strong, to think about what you want or do not want, and to stand up for yourself.
Best of luck.
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Okay, i'm 17/f and i recent issued a question of a possible pregnancy. My next question is....i have birth control, i went to planned parenthood abouta month ago, and got some, but the nurse told me that i should wait until the sunday after my period to start. well my period is late and i wondered if i could start the birth control, but with the pills that bring my period first, so maybe i'll be able to see if my period comes, and if not...well i know what that means. I appreciate you all reading this, and i hope i get some help. thank you again. (link)
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First of all, if you have a tri-phasic pill (this means different coloured pills for every week of your period), NONE of the pills actually make your period come. You get your period the week you take pills with no hormones; your period comes because you've STOPPED taking hormones, not because you've started any special ones.
It's best to follow your doctor's advice. The pill is most effective when used properly, and that starts with beginning the pill at the proper time. Doing otherwise could mess up your cycle AND make the pill less effective.
Best of luck.
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Ok me & my friend are 15 & we are still virgins & we havent
even had our first kiss yet! We dont know what to do! Is it a bad thing
all of our other friends have done it all! We dont know if we should do it
now or wait we dont want to wait to long! But we dont want to end up being
pregnant at a young age! But we think its stupid that we havent even had
our first kiss! & we have gone out with tons of guys! tell us what you
think we should do we really need someones help!. (link)
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The only way to make sure that you won't regret any decisions you make is to wait until the time is right. If you were to kiss someone now, just for the sake of kissing, you might be sorry that your first kiss wasn't meaningful.
Plenty of people haven't kissed by the time they're 15. Plenty of people have. Everyone is different, and that should be recognized even beyond the huge pressure society places on people to start being sexual...and the pressure people place on themselves.
What will a kiss for a kiss' sake give you? A chance to say that you've been kissed. That's all.
I will point out that kissing does not necessarily lead to sex, or pregnancy.
Whatever you decide, make sure you make the decision you are happiest with. And your best friend should do the same. It's great you have each other to talk to - and as proof that not everyone's kissed - but these choices are personal.
Your choice is basically waiting for the right time, or kissing for the sake of it. And nothing ever feels as nice when it's not special.
Best of luck.
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is it like.. unhealthy to not have sex for your entire life,
i want kids, and i want alot, but i want to adopt. its not a spiritual thing..i just.. am weirded out by the idea of sex...
please help..
i rate high on good advice (link)
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It's not unhealthy to not have sex. Many people choose to remain celebate throughout their lives, and they don't suffer ill health because of it.
It is common to feel weirded out by the idea of sex. Many people do when they are younger, and then when they meet the right guy/girl, they change their minds.
If you change your mind, that's okay. If you DON'T change your mind, that's okay too.
The most important thing is to be genuine about who you are and how you want to live your life. If you can say that you stand up for your principles and beliefs, then you'd make a pretty terrific parent.
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My boyfriend and I were having sex, same as normal. We put the condom on correctly, but it still broke in the middle of us having sex. He hadn't cum yet so we just stopped there and finished in ways other then sex. My boyfriend said he didn't pre-cum, but I'm not sure that he knows exactly what that means, and I'm pretty sure you can't control that kind of thing. Is there a good chance that I could still get pregnant or anything I could do?
I need a real answer, so please, no 13 year olds that are just guessing. (link)
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Okay, you're right. Your boyfriend cannot control pre-cum. Pre-cum is the liquid that generally begins leaking out of the tip of the penis as soon as it becomes erect. Pre-cum contains sperm.
You had a penis inside you, a broken condom, and pre-cum. Is there a chance you could be pregnant? Sure.
However, there's a host of other things to think about: where in your cycle you are, if any pre-cum did leave the condom, etc.
You'll obviously be concerned, but your only option is to take the morning after pill relatively soon after the accident. Otherwise you'll have to wait for your period to come.
Assuming it DOES come, you might want to think about using a second form of birth control - the pill, the patch, inserts, etc.
Best of luck.
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Ok. Please, if you are in any way, shape, or form, involved with whether or not people are hot, do not answer this. Also do not answer if you have never felt a true love, because it's so impossible to describe, I'm not even going to try.
Ok, so there's this girl who I loved. A lot. She knew how much she meant to me. I kept on thinking about her. So yesterday I decided to ask her out. I've never asked anyone else out. Except I couldn't bring myself to ask her out on the phone or in person, and I couldn't think of any sweet, special way to ask her like they did in Bye Bye Birdie. So I e-mailed her. She said no for two reasons: number one, she's not sure if she really likes me or not. She doesn't not like me, she's not sure. Allegedly. Second of all, she had a big fight with this other girl (I didn't get all the details, but apparently it was because of a poem...?), and now that girl is really pissed off at her and will do anything to get revenge. So she doesn't want to get me hurt. Because she could never live it down, letting me get hurt. She said that (I quote) "even if they are all bitches and sluts, insults hurt." Sticks and stones, man. Sticks and stones.
Ok, now I'm practically crying. Seriously. Love is like a swirling pink mist of joy and happiness, where nothing could ever go wrong. The pink mist is easily corrupted, but everyone inside it is blind to that and has no idea. So while I was in it, someone slabbed paint all over it. Now I'm trapped within a swirling black torrent of misery and depression, with no way out. When I'm in the torrent, I have no reason for anything. I used to be the biggest joker in all of my classes. Now that I don't know love anymore, I have no reason to smile, to laugh, to joke around, to live. Why bother?
Rerereading the letter, I notice that it says at the end of the second reason that she changed her mind about #1, and she does like me, but she just can't go out with me until she's solved that thing with the other girl. So I'm feeling a tad better. (heheh. tad is a fun word.) But if you recall, I said that the torrent has no way out, meaning that even if I could get out, there would still be the black paint all over me. I'm still depressed. I managed to poke fun at the word "tad" like I do with ten thousand words a day, but I'm even too depressed to sing along with the song "The Telephone Hour" in Bye Bye Birdie, even the part where the guys are like "ooah. aooh. doobidy doobidy doo." I love that part, but I'm just way too sad. I really don't know what to do. I really shouldn't be sad anymore, I mean really. I found out that she does like me after all, why am I still crying? I haven't smiled all morning, usually I go downstairs, answer a few questions, spend about an hour playing Age of Mythology, watch All Your Base fifty times, eat breakfast, watch mindless cartoons, and then go around cracking jokes everywhere. I can't do any of that. I'm too depressed. Like yesterday after I first read the letter. I was kind of depressed but not much, so then I went outside with a friend (at 8:30 at night) and we played some Horse. First round I won. Second round, I barely lost. Third round... HORSE to nothing. I lost bigtime. And by the time I got into my bed, I was crying again. It's growing on me over time... like a Tribble. Ok, I'm making too many analogies, I'll just cut to the chase. How the hell do I get over it??? (link)
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Yes, love can hurt. But that's the reality of love: it's not all pink, and it's not all black. Real love goes through periods of pain, confusion, and rebuilding. It's not an automatic ticket to Happy World, as you're finding out.
I hate to say it, but if this girl genuinely liked you she would probably date you regardless of whether or not she was in a fight with a third person. If that is stressing her out, then that's one thing....but if she's using it as an excuse to get out of dating you, that's another.
The thing about love is this: every time you fall in love it's bigger and better. And every time love ends it feels like you'll never be able to get over it. It's depressing, scary, sad, frustrating, and more depressing.
But it happens. You meet someone else, and how you feel for them makes you wonder how you ever thought you were in love with your last Great Love. Love expands and enriches and changes over time.
How to get over someone, or how to hang around wondering if they'll ever like you?
First, have a real discussion with the girl. If she is still not ready to date you, then take her at her word. Let her know that you are not interested in games, and that you'll treat whatever she says to you as the truth.
If she dates you, super. If not, then you've got to deal with rebuilding your heart. Write in a journal, talk to friends, cry, laugh, paint, nap, do something new. Time is a great healer, and so is growing older.
I wish you the very best.
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what are some ways to foreplay with you guy other than hand jobs or blow jobs (link)
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Funny how a word that has 'play' in the description is always answered by words that involve the word 'work'!!
Do things you both enjoy. Use your imagination (and protection!).
Talk to your partner about what he might like to try. He might have specific things he enjoys, and you'll never know unless you ask.
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I'm 16/f and i recently found out that im pregnant by my bf whos 17. I know i cant tell my mom anything until im sure what i'm going to do. I really want to tell my bf, but he would probably freak. and yes i was taking birth control. but should i tell my bf who would most likely insist that i keep it, or just go get an abortion n not ever mention it to him. or u can add ur own options (link)
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Well, your only concrete options are abortion, adoption, or keeping the baby. It sounds like you want to have an abortion, and you're worried about talking to your boyfriend because he won't approve.
At the end of the day, the decision is up to YOU. Should you talk to your boyfriend, who had a hand in creating this? Possibly. It would be a courtesy. But if he tries to force you to do something you don't want to do, you need to be prepared to stand up for yourself.
This is a tough time, and having other people tell you what they think you should do will probably only make you more confused. Take some time to be clear in your own head, and that will help you be strong when other present options that you don't want to take.
I wish you the very best.
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My sister is pregnant and she can not keep anything down. This is her first time being pregnant!!! Do you know what she can eat, that wont make her throw up!! (link)
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Saltine crackers are a good way to avoid nausea. Some people also say that tortilla chips with salt also work - eaten in small amounts.
Ginger helps with morning (or all day!) sickness, so have your sister go to a health food store. She can buy special ginger tea, or ginger tablets.
Her doctor may also be able to recommend other things that can help her out.
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What does 'pre-cum' mean? (link)
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Pre-cum is basically semen that leaks out of a penis as soon as it gets erect.
It contains sperm and can make a woman pregnant, so it's best to use a condom if sex is on the menu - and BEFORE the man goes near the woman's vagina!
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I'm confused. I'm having friends telling me I'm something..and then I'm not?
So I'm mostly portuguese. Parts of german, irish, etc.
Can you tell me what I fall under?
Middle Eastern
Pacific Islander
Caucasian
Or just OTHER.
(link)
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Generally, you are what you choose to identify as. If you were born in another country or area of the world, then generally you can put yourself down as belonging to that grouping - for example, Middle Eastern.
If you were born in America, then you can look at your specific race. Some people find this easy - for example, a black girl with two black parents. If you are of mixed race, then 'other' or 'mixed race' generally might be the right box to tick.
Keep in mind that most people living in America have roots in another country - some were born outside of the country, and some people's great-grandparents were immigrants. The German/Irish in you falls into the 'caucasian' category, but the Portuguese falls into the 'Portuguese' territory!
It's about how you identify, what passport you hold, what culture your family has. Only you can determine how you think of yourself and your culture. While it can be a confusing area, it's definitely worth taking some time to think about who you are and how you feel about it.
Best of luck.
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(14/f)
last fridayy, my cousin's friend, that she tried to hook me up with, forced himself on me and tried to rappee me i guess. i don'tt know what to do. i feel so alone. i don't know if i shoulld tell her or not, i'm so paranoid, my friendss have no idea about anything, and its gettingg to the pointt where I can't even sleep at nighht anymore.
i need help, who do i tell?? should i tell anyone? or just let it goo? please help. (link)
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You're right - you do need help. You were a victim in a scary situation, and unless you start talking about it you could end up feeling even more alone and upset.
A good person to tell? Your parents, a guidance counsellor, a therapist, or any other adult you trust. While friends are great, sometimes it takes someone a little older to be able to really help you work through a situation like this.
There are a lot of options, including informing the police that this happened.
But whatever you decide to do, it's important that you decide to do SOMETHING. Keeping your mouth shut and hoping your mind will somehow forget about this is not the way to move forward in a healthy way.
Best of luck.
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is it possible to get pregenant even though ur hymen isn't destroy can sperm still swim an reacj the eggcell?
does it bleeds when the penis enter gently into a intact hymen? (link)
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Virgins can get pregnant. Most girls only have a partial hymen, if any, left by the time they're in their mid-teens. Hymens can be broken by normal activities - horseback riding, an unfortunate fall, sports, etc. Even if none of these things happen, hymens naturally start disintegrating.
Think about it: if you had a tight, inpenetrable piece of skin streched across your vagina, how would you be able to have your period? If the blood can come out, the sperm can get in.
Bleeding may or may not happen the first time you have sex. Every woman's body is different - some women will find sex painful at first, while others find it just uncomfortable. Of course, some people have no problems at all!
The way to make sure your first time is as good as it can be is mainly to be mentally and emotionally ready for sex. Making sure you're protected against pregnancy and STDs also eases a lot of stress.
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can anyone tell me how to give a 'love bite' or a 'hikky'? i cant seem to do em and i would really love to be able to give my bf one. so if any1 has any tips etc on what to do and how to do it please help me. thankies xxx (link)
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A hickey is broken blood vessels. Basically, someone sucks on someone else's skin until the blood vessels closest to the surface pop. It's similar to a bruise.
These aren't the coolest looking things out there, so make sure your boyfriend is interested in this before you start going all vampire on him!
Best of luck.
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I need questions to ask my boyfriend.... I need to get inside his mind!!! help! (link)
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If you want to get into his mind, I'm assuming that he's not the sort of guy you've had any deep conversations with.
You can always talk about big, important things without focusing on your relationship (you know, God, politics, the environment, your dreams, etc). That gets both of you used to a more meaningful conversation without scaring him.
Of course, if that doesn't work, there are lots of fabulous books of questions on the market. Even if you just play the game where you randomly open the book to a question, chances are it'll be a question you want to know the answer to!
Best of luck.
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I am 15 and dont have my period yet and i have big boobs like C's is something wrong? (link)
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Chance's are nothing is wrong. Generally, breasts, pubic hair, and discharge come along BEFORE you get your period, not after.
Still, if you have concerns it's always best to see a doctor. Some girls don't get their periods until they're 16, but it's a good idea to see a doctor and make sure that everything's okay.
She or he will probably just check that your general health is okay, and they might even be able to estimate how long you'll have to wait before your period shows up. Right now you can wait if you aren't too worried, but if you haven't gotten your period within the next 6 months or so, a 20 minute appointment can help you find some answers.
In the meantime, you can keep track of your moods and any possible cramps or possible period things in a calender. If you start seeing a pattern or getting cramps in your lower back and abdomen, your period is probably fairly close.
Best of luck.
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ii went to a summer camp and met this guy... to keep a long story short, all we did was flirt and spend every min. with each other... we even kissed... ii really liked him... he gave me his number and it turns out he has a girlfriend... to him was it just a fling? please help ! btw im 14/f.... (link)
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The only way to know what he felt about this summer is to ask him. Keep in mind that he spent the whole time cheating on his current girlfriend - and who's to say if you got together that he wouldn't do the same thing to you?
You've got his number, use it - but only if you think that pursuing this is a good idea. He'll have to break up with his girlfriend, have time to recover (as you don't want to be a rebound), and then you'll have to find a way to trust a guy who has no problem cheating on his girlfriends.
Or...you could throw his number away and find some guy who's interested in you for who you are - and you're the ONLY one he cares about.
Best of luck.
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ok so i hear if you take test and it comes out positive, there is still a chance it can be wrong and your really not pregnant. i also hear if it comes out negative..it can be inacurate as well and you really could be pregnant..therefore how is taking a pregnancy test a good indicator if your pregnant or not? are you supposed to take like 4 in a row and see whatever answer comes out the most?
little confused
thanks (link)
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The most important thing is to use the test accurately. Read ALL of the fine print in the instructions and follow it carefully.
If your cycle is regular, some tests are accurate only one day after you miss your period. If it's not a regular cycle, then generally waiting three weeks after sex and then testing will provide a reliable result. This is about how long it takes for the hormones to register on the test.
Like anything in life, pregnancy tests aren't 100%. If it comes up negative and you still have no period, try taking it again a week later. If it comes up positive, you'll have to see a doctor whether you decide to continue with the pregnancy or not, as they'll need to confirm the results.
Ultimately, only a doctor can give you highly accurate information and let you know how it affects your body.
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So I can't tell if I'v had an orgasm or not. I'v been completely peaked before but, never a release.. am i giving up on it to quickly or..? help me out. in a porn i saw a while ago a girl had an orgasm and shot cum out like 2 ft. is this an exaggeration or is it what a real orgasm is supposed to be like? (link)
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The most common way I've heard people explaining is that if you've had an orgasm, you know it. If you're wondering whether or not you've had one, then chances are you probably haven't.
As it turns out, I completely agree with this statement...I just know it can be frustrating as it doesn't really explain much. The thing is, every woman is different and so are her orgasms. Some people orgasm many times in a row, some orgasm once, and some can only orgasm if a certain type of stimulation is happening.
It can feel good in just the one main spot, can cause your whole body to flush, or can feel tingly. Generally, there's a feeling of building excitement and then a release, which is how you've described it.
Masturbation, if you're comfortable with it, is a good way to explore your body. Only do it when you've got privacy, plenty of time, and are genuinely excited. Then just relax and enjoy yourself - stress or anxiety can make it harder to orgasm. Try different things out, but also understand that the clitorus generally needs to be stimulated to have an orgasm.
As for your other question - some women DO ejaculate when they orgasm. This can mean squirting out (though I would think two feet is an exaggeration in most cases!) of just getting wetter. Many women don't ever experience this - you don't need to ejaculate in order to experience orgasm.
It'll happen given time. Best of luck.
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