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The Dark Face of Rejection
Ok. Please, if you are in any way, shape, or form, involved with whether or not people are hot, do not answer this. Also do not answer if you have never felt a true love, because it's so impossible to describe, I'm not even going to try.
Ok, so there's this girl who I loved. A lot. She knew how much she meant to me. I kept on thinking about her. So yesterday I decided to ask her out. I've never asked anyone else out. Except I couldn't bring myself to ask her out on the phone or in person, and I couldn't think of any sweet, special way to ask her like they did in Bye Bye Birdie. So I e-mailed her. She said no for two reasons: number one, she's not sure if she really likes me or not. She doesn't not like me, she's not sure. Allegedly. Second of all, she had a big fight with this other girl (I didn't get all the details, but apparently it was because of a poem...?), and now that girl is really pissed off at her and will do anything to get revenge. So she doesn't want to get me hurt. Because she could never live it down, letting me get hurt. She said that (I quote) "even if they are all bitches and sluts, insults hurt." Sticks and stones, man. Sticks and stones.
Ok, now I'm practically crying. Seriously. Love is like a swirling pink mist of joy and happiness, where nothing could ever go wrong. The pink mist is easily corrupted, but everyone inside it is blind to that and has no idea. So while I was in it, someone slabbed paint all over it. Now I'm trapped within a swirling black torrent of misery and depression, with no way out. When I'm in the torrent, I have no reason for anything. I used to be the biggest joker in all of my classes. Now that I don't know love anymore, I have no reason to smile, to laugh, to joke around, to live. Why bother?
Rerereading the letter, I notice that it says at the end of the second reason that she changed her mind about #1, and she does like me, but she just can't go out with me until she's solved that thing with the other girl. So I'm feeling a tad better. (heheh. tad is a fun word.) But if you recall, I said that the torrent has no way out, meaning that even if I could get out, there would still be the black paint all over me. I'm still depressed. I managed to poke fun at the word "tad" like I do with ten thousand words a day, but I'm even too depressed to sing along with the song "The Telephone Hour" in Bye Bye Birdie, even the part where the guys are like "ooah. aooh. doobidy doobidy doo." I love that part, but I'm just way too sad. I really don't know what to do. I really shouldn't be sad anymore, I mean really. I found out that she does like me after all, why am I still crying? I haven't smiled all morning, usually I go downstairs, answer a few questions, spend about an hour playing Age of Mythology, watch All Your Base fifty times, eat breakfast, watch mindless cartoons, and then go around cracking jokes everywhere. I can't do any of that. I'm too depressed. Like yesterday after I first read the letter. I was kind of depressed but not much, so then I went outside with a friend (at 8:30 at night) and we played some Horse. First round I won. Second round, I barely lost. Third round... HORSE to nothing. I lost bigtime. And by the time I got into my bed, I was crying again. It's growing on me over time... like a Tribble. Ok, I'm making too many analogies, I'll just cut to the chase. How the hell do I get over it???
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Yes, love can hurt. But that's the reality of love: it's not all pink, and it's not all black. Real love goes through periods of pain, confusion, and rebuilding. It's not an automatic ticket to Happy World, as you're finding out.
I hate to say it, but if this girl genuinely liked you she would probably date you regardless of whether or not she was in a fight with a third person. If that is stressing her out, then that's one thing....but if she's using it as an excuse to get out of dating you, that's another.
The thing about love is this: every time you fall in love it's bigger and better. And every time love ends it feels like you'll never be able to get over it. It's depressing, scary, sad, frustrating, and more depressing.
But it happens. You meet someone else, and how you feel for them makes you wonder how you ever thought you were in love with your last Great Love. Love expands and enriches and changes over time.
How to get over someone, or how to hang around wondering if they'll ever like you?
First, have a real discussion with the girl. If she is still not ready to date you, then take her at her word. Let her know that you are not interested in games, and that you'll treat whatever she says to you as the truth.
If she dates you, super. If not, then you've got to deal with rebuilding your heart. Write in a journal, talk to friends, cry, laugh, paint, nap, do something new. Time is a great healer, and so is growing older.
I wish you the very best.
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this is what i would do.......ok i would tell her how deeply in love with her that you are, then hold her hand and kiss it! give her a hug and kiss her on the top of the head! if she lookes confused or anyhting else like that say "I Love you" tell her " if the only reason you do not want me to go out with you cause you dont wan me to get hut " and if she says 'yes' then say untill that is siuated we can go out and nobody has to know!! or say we culd just be REALLY close friends until all that is gone!!
take my advice and dont be afraid one bit to kiss her!! jus do it you love her soo much you have to get over your fears!! well i really hope i helped and i i did pleas write me back!!
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Well, to be honest, you did shoot down a LOT of options in this situation. But I guess I can try my best. Maybe ... you should write down your feelings. Every single day, in a notebook or something. It might help. You can write it in a poem, (and you are good with your words, journal entry, 'letters' you'll probably never give to this girl... but it will help. And how to lay it on the parents? Just tell them "Hey, theres this girl i kinda like" or something like that! Even though it doesn't fully describe your feelings, they don't need the lovey dovey details. And how to get back to your normal self? Know that all your moping will never get her sooner! It will only make it harder, and you'll be dependant on her every move. Waiting for answers. TIME... will be your antidote. As time passes, our emotions pass with it. Hence the quote "Time heals all wounds". It is very true. I don't know if I've ever been so in love as you have, but I can say this... whenever I felt a deep emotion that would not go away... no matter how unfathomable it did. Humans don't hold onto the same emotions for long, and if we do, it becomes lesser and lesser everyday. Love...is about the only thing that should and can survive time. But... you sulking all the time is not a part of the love. It's a result of what you feel because of love. You could do without it... it's not bad. She wants to be with you and should eventually. If you can somehow talk to her again... tell her you don't care if this other girl 'slaughtered' you... that you just want to be with her, and you could keep it secret for a while, if you have to. This random girl should NOT control somebody elses life. It's just not fair. That other girl can go die... no one wants the teenage BS drama splurging from the likes of people like her. You will not... be 30 or 40 and single... it is VERY uncommon. And it happens to people who just can't settle down, and those who are unfaithful to their significant other. You sound like niether. And don't worry about the future just yet... only worry when there's sense to worry. I hope you return back to your usual...and if only one sentence in all my advice helps you out right now, I'll feel good even to just help a little bit. The situation is tricky, and nothing is so easily done. It may turn out that there's nothing to do... and it's just another tidal wave life is sending that your forced to ride. Good Luck!
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Get over yourself. Really. And have some patience. That is only way you will pull through this. I wont question your love or maturity, but I am going to question your common sense.
She said she liked you, but isn’t willing to date you right now, for whatever reason. That’s not flat out rejection, that’s uncertainty, that’s human. Maybe she is making excuses or maybe she is just not ready for the intensity you are showing, or maybe she is really worried this girl will kill you. No one is a mind reader.
Everyone can go into details of what happened when they ‘felt’ rejected. I wore sunglasses for a week cried through each of my meals, when I was able to eat… Blah Blah Blah. Everyone does it, it feels terrible for everyone, and most of the time all you can do it ride it out and fight it! If you sit around the house thinking about how miserable you are, I guarantee you, you will feel more miserable.
The fact is, you are a human being, if nothing pans out of this crush you will eventually get over her. If you don't get over it, you should seek professional help for your thought patterns. This kind of obsessing thoughts about the one you love and your future and your own possible failures are rather normal for someone rejected at first, but should not be a long-term situation or else they can become a serious mental health problem.
As for telling your parents, if they are not keen on hearing directly about a crush, tell them in indirect ways. Soandso did something so cute today, Soandso said this and I’m going to hang out with Soandso. They will eventually get the picture and want to talk to you about it.
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don't feel hurt if there's nothing to feel hurt over. she said she likes you and thats what counts. in fact she likes you so much, she's willing to wait a little while to go out with you so she can sort stuff out with that gal,just to make sure you don't get hurt. you just have to be patient.don't get depressed- there's no piont. you should be really happy. and there's nothing to get over apart from happiness. i'm sure your a great guy and she really likes you. like i said just be patient and it'll all come like cherrys and blossoms and then you'll be back in your swirling pink mist of joy and happiness again.
noogz
xxx
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