Member Since: August 7, 2012
Answers: 1038
Last Update: August 2, 2021
Visitors: 29745
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19/f
DO NOT JUDGE ME WHILE READING THIS. Long story short my ex-boyfriend and I broke up from September to November. We had been dating for a year when we departed. We started getting back together and working on our relationship in mid-November and I got pregnant. I had my abortion in December. He wasn't there for me at all, the next three weeks I was crying about it by myself. He got drunk and didn't know how to deal with it, because it was our "school break" untill the spring semester. I feel deep down inside there's a piece of me that will never love him the way I use too. He's apologized so many times to me but I get my period every month now and I just cry because I hate what happened between us. I hate myself sometimes too. He loves me more then anything else and I just don't know sometimes. Sometimes I look at other guys and wonder what it would be like to be with someone else. This is not my first relationship, but yes unfortunately my first abortion. I've dated two other guys one for three years the other for a year. I'm young and I need serious advice. I know it sounds bad. When were with each other were always happy and we barely fight anymore. I just don't know. (link)
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Hi. It's not of course anyone's place to judge you. Finding a sloution is primarily about identifying the problem, until you've done that it's almost impossible to move forwards. So we do have to, in a way, judge OURSELVES. So with your permission, could I ask you (rhetorically) a few questions? Looking back, BEFORE your own experience, what do you recall was your 'take' on terminating pregnancy? A medical technique that women should be free to use in all conscience, as a method of avoiding a child which was simply 'not an option' at that time? Or were you angled against it, as something ethically or morally wrong? Do any religious convictions you grew up with reinforce this belief? How did YOU passively 'judge' a woman who had an abortion? In this way we might shed some light. It might perhaps get a little more painful to face now. You made the choice, how did it feel when the decision was finalised in your mind? A positive act of self determination, or something largely against your will? Is it possible the love you felt has diminished because you were being 'forced' in a way to do something against your will, something that he was responsible for? Or do you feel that you did something terribly wrong, can't forgive yourself for...and now 'don't deserve to love anyone, or be loved'? Possibly the hardest question...but we must look at it. Did you WANT to have the child? Now the answers are NOT of course just going to 'leap out' in many of these instances. But once you have answered them to your satisfaction you will be in a MUCH STRONGER position when it comes to handling the feelings you are having right now. I only have your post to go on, no 'live' feedback from you. Not there for you...do you resent this still? Repeated apologies...suggesting he feels he NEEDS to, in turn implying you feel that HE forced you into the abortion. Hate...the situation...yourself sometimes. Love...he still loves you. Someone else...an urge to escape the situation without further acknowlegement...a relationship that hasn't got this huge block built in to it? I hope I may have given you a few ideas, maybe a few 'windows in' to a situation you naturally feel an initial urge to forget. Of course we cannot forget on demand. But by acknowledgement and acceptance we CAN liberate ourselves, and also mitigate any future effects. This is exactly what you should be aiming for. The event itself is in the past, and like all past events is beyound any possibility of change. What really matters now is that you DON'T let it impact negatively on your future. Because at 19, you've got a LOT of that!
Quite where this process will lead it's impossible to say. You must try not to tackle it with a predetermined end in mind. How could I put that better? How about, you don't do it looking to build and reinforce reasons to stay with him, and neither do you do it looking for reasons NOT to stay with him. You don't go looking for reasons to forgive, or reasons NOT to forgive. Start with an open mind, no bias or predicted outcome. Some of the 'answers' you come up with may not be the ones you would like to hear, and do not want to acknowledge. But don't 'shy away' from them. Confront them. My very best wishes.
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14f
I had a best friend lets call her L and i had another best friend lets call her V.. they didnt really get along..
So i left V to hang out with L more.. i was really close to V but i guess i was attracted by Ls personalty..
she didnt give a fuck about anything.smoked weed. (I already smoked weed before) she was a good listener..
So we all went to the same school and everything was fine until people at school started calling me and L sluts.
No one liked L because she caused to many problems and she was supposely a two face.
But i didnt believe them because i trusted L .
So then L and I started stealing and smoking more
frequently and we got closerr..
we got so close i took the blame for everything she did.
I almost got in a fist fight because of her. I almost got expelled because her dumb crush stole tequila from a store and she basically said i did it.
I would buy her things with my moneyand shed never say thank you.
When shed do something hurtful shed never say im sorry.
Then random people came to me and asked me to have sex with them.
I said no to all
Then random guys i didnt even know msged me on fb asking to sex because they heard from an anynomus source that i am easy.
I would cry about it everyday because it got to the point were i would go to the mall and girls would shout hurtful things at me..
Prostitute.. slut..whore..bitch....nasty..
And i would always cry to L about it..
Shed comfort me..
But then i had to transfer schools because of an unrealated cutody battle..
And when i was at my new school..
my ex best friend V would call me telling me L is talking smack about me telling people i
Fuck every guy i am with
I give bjs for money
Etc..
I didnt believe her until people starting msging me on fb everything that L said....
I couldnt believe it i didnt want to.. i was extremely heartbroken...
But now im still a bit heartbroken and i feel super betrayed..
I am currently friends with V now and im glad because she has demostrated to be a true friend..
But the problem is ..
The school year is ending and we are all ending into high school
i recently found out L is going to the same school i am going to with V.
the thing is i WANT TO KNOW why is she telling people that?
She blocked me on fb so i cant msg her.
She moved so idk where she lives..
She even changed her number so i cant call..
How can i talk to her calmy and effectively without starting another figght?
I dont want to be friends anymore i just want to understand why sheis doing what shes doing..
And i want to make the peaces with her so i dont get anymore drama in high school
Please help... how can i get in touch with her???
Pleasee i will be extremely gratefulll(: (link)
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Quite agree with your reply (Dragonflymagic). Since you didn't cause it and aren't now contributing to it, there's not actually anything YOU can do to stop it unfortunately. The 'reason' for unjustified attacks on someone elses character, based on totally fictitious events and information is in 99 out of 100 cases because the person doing it is unhappy with themselves, and what they are. And they 'fire-off' destructively and randomly like a loose cannon at anything and everything 'nice and decent' around them. If a particular hit gets them a 'good' response, they'll target it time and time again. It amuses them. And even being hated is better than being ignored. In short, there's something 'missing' in her character, or something there, but 'faulty'. She might grow out of it, some do. About all you can do is try to rise above it, so to speak...and so deny her the feedback/attention she desires. Sadly at school age, this sort of extreme anti-social behaviour often draws a good crowd of followers. Just 'hangers-on' who want to see the show. But time's on your side...they quickly start to see through their 'anti-hero' begin to distance themselves. Leaving her with nothing more than a little 'clique' of weak-minded cronies around her. So really, just stand back, stay rational, stay true to yourself and treat it with the contempt it deserves. Any attempt to 'make peace' with her right now WILL make you vulnerable and she WILL abuse it. So no flag of truce. Might be a bit of a bumpy ride at times, since she'll unfortunately be around. Stick it out, keep your nerve. Because I can tell you in the end your side win every time. And people like this, although damaging at times are thankfully in the minority. Hope I'm not going too 'deep' here, but relax...society has a kind of 'built-in' savvy that keeps people like this OUT of positions of genuine power, authority and influence. Quite simply, they'll be on the outside, throwing stones at the establishment all their lives if they don't sort themselves out. Never in a position where they can truly hurt you or anyone else. None of her slander is true, and what's not true can't touch you mate...hang on to that thought if you start losing your fight! And remember, she can't 'make a drama' unless you're part of it, so don't give her the opportunity. Wash your hands of her completely. Good luck!
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Im dating someone but i like someone else. Is that bad. Like we flirt here and there ALOT. But thats my bf bestfriend. So i dont know what to do. I try to stop taking to him but i just dont. I like him alot and he says he likes me to but im not sure if i believe him. For some reason i cant stop. So any advice here??
(link)
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Oh dear! The age-old indecision and uncertainty, eh? How happy you'd be with either...if it wasnt for the OTHER!! I'm afraid that when your 'only' dating you might find it difficult to make yourself simply 'stop' using willpower. A couple of long standing may have 'invested' years of time and effort in each other...and then the desire not to 'risk losing what you've got and what you've worked for' could indeed make you stop. You don't quite believe the other likes you? Possibly that's because if you DID know for sure it would be enough to tip the scales in his favour? And those scales are hanging delicately balanced right now? I honestly can't tell you what to do, wish I could. Got to search your soul, and that's never easy. Play safe? Or risk it? In your search, give a little thought to this 'test' maybe? When you've had a totally crap day, feel thoroughly fed up and you sit down and try to think of something to cheer yourself up a bit....which one do you think of? Since they're friends, if you do choose to date the other guy be VERY particular about the ORDER in which you release one and select the other, won't you? A little 'white lie' can be a good thing...meaning when he asks 'Why?' you want to end the relationship, you do not blithely announce there's someone else, and even worse the someone else is his mate...NOT tactful!! And a 'decent' space of time before announcing your new boyfriend can often allow 'honour to be satisfied' all round as you might say. Good luck whatever you decide.
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How do you stay humble? Lately, I've found myself a little too self-absorbed. I've recently had some pretty cool accomplishments, and I find it hard to strike a balance between boasting about them and having an appropriate amount of pride. Not only that, but I've recently joined a club at school that's a big of an ego warfare; I feel like I have to brag about myself to get people to like me. So how do you guys forget all that crap and keep yourself down to earth? (link)
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It can be hard to strike the right balance. When we excel at a particular activity it's a combination of three elements. Firstly there's a certain amount of natural ability or affinity. But as challenges become more involved or complex this takes us only so far. Secondly, there's application. Or preparation and sheer hard work. Thirdly there's the random or capricious element. The fact that on this occasion the way the cards were dealt was favourable to us. Keeping this trinity of causes and giving each due respect helps keep us from boasting too much. In the inevitable discussion, credit each where due. 'It didn't just drop in my lap...I had to work hard on this one.' or 'I got some good breaks...it might have been different if...' or 'I've always had a feel for (???)...don't know why.' And so on. In short, acknowledge the factors that contributed, rather than in effect say, or even think to yourself. 'Hey...I'm brilliant!' None of us know everything, none are good at everything, we will all fail from time to time. Humility is being a proper 'sportsman' and showing good form however it turns out. Affinity does indeed come from uncertain sources. Hard work does tend to reap it's reward. And a favourable 'cut of the deck' is capricious and not something we can engineer or rely on. Does bragging win friends? More a grudging sort of admiration than true friendship I'd say. There's actually a well acknowledged tendency for us to take a sort of 'secret delight' or joy in seeing people come unstuck and fail. (Called 'Shadenfreude'...one of those German wwords that hasn't got an English equivalent in meaning...but you and I and all of us HAVE felt it, right?) Rest assured that the people who are there to notice, and have the power to reward excellence WILL notice whether you broadcast the fact or not. A tendency to brag might actually count against you a little when they judge your general character, and be counterproductive. Finally, the 'club' environment can, and often does replicate itself in work environments, where bragging becomes the ONLY currency of value. A constant 'locking of horns' as you might say as each competes for the 'alpha-male' spot (or 'alpha-female', where the analogy isn't QUITE such a good one..but is still pertinent!!) In this case be prepared to 'big up' your achievements, maybe a little bit more than good form seems to permit? The 'chief bragger' in the pack will tend to feel he's lost the initiative quite a bit when someone in the 'club' is demonstrably outperforming him/her...and everyone knows it. Recognise it for what it is, a simple case of 'group dynamics'. You have to 'play the game' a bit sometimes. But that CAN mean standing back while the worst offender 'boasts himself into a corner'. And comes unstuck! The fact that you've analysed yourself and spotted a slight tendency creeping in to your character that you don't like, and looked OUTSIDE yourself for counsel suggests you're strking a pretty good balance already, doesn't it? You'll be right!
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Okay so my boyfriend and I have been dating for a few months and I'm 15 and he is 17 but we're really close with each other. When we hangout we make out and he'll feel me up and finger me but I never do anything other than kissing. This is both of our most serious relationships we've had. I feel like I should do something for him like a hand job but I'm not exactly sure how to. We've talked about having sex before, neither of us have done it, but we both want to. He just thinks we should do littler things first to make it less awkward and he has done just about everything when I've done nothing and he says "you can do stuff too" and I say "I know" and I feel awful because its new to me and idk what I'm doing. Please don't judge me anyone here! I would just like a step by step process of how to give a hand job, blow job, or any way to pleasure him that would be great! If anyone could give me some advice that would be greatly appreciated! :) thank you! Btw advice from woman and men would be great!! (link)
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Firstly, the 'little things first' policy is a very creditable and responsible line to take, so full marks to your boyfriend for realising this! So, the urge to please him is natural and instinctive...but there's the tricky question of technique, right? Great news is, you don't have to be highly skilled and polished in the 'art' to give your boyfriend a very enjoyable handjob. We're a pushover in fact, as long as it's a girl we're keen on! Simply, if he's been quite intimate pleasuring you, he'll already have an erection. You hold his penis, reasonably firm grip (but not too tightly!) and move your hand back and forth up and down the shaft. Start slowly, and begin to increase the speed in stages as he gets more excited. Until he reaches his climax, and at this point you'll feel his manhood sort of throb, or twitch and jump in a series of spasms. Each spasm will make him 'spurt out' some semen. Stop 'stroking' when it begins and just keep holding him firmly until he's finished. That's about it. Might feel a bit awkward at first, but if you try to overcome it and keep a dialogue of sorts going with him it will help no end. You can ask 'Is that OK?' or 'Is that feeling good for you?' etc. There's usually a good sized spoon full of semen all together, and he'll probably spurt quite strongly at his age. It doesn't smell nasty, and is completely harmless if it splashes you a little, and won't ruin clothing. And he'll almost certainly 'finish off' soon after you begin. Especially at first. There's nothing that can actually 'go wrong' and no risk. He'll LOVE it, and you should find it rather pleasing and satisfying that you've 'made him come'. There's a lot of variations on how a girl gives her partner oral sex, so this really is a matter of trying it out as/if and when you fancy it. Cover your front teeth with your lips, and although it's called a 'blow job' the one thing you must never do is close your mouth around him and BLOW! This can do a bloke proper physical damage, your lungs can stump-up a LOT of pressure mate Tongue and lips, a gently suck, but NOT a blow, ever! Up to you if you let him finish off inside your mouth, or outside. Likewise if you prefer to empty your mouth into a tissue or swallow. It's harmless in the mouth, or if swallowed, but YOUR choice if you see what I mean. Now this all sounds a bit cold and clinical written down, I know. But if it's something you want to do and feel comfortable about trying, it'll all feel much more natural and loving and sexy when you actually 'get started' as you might say. I reckon that's a fairly full description to start with, and it gives you a bit more confidence? As for judging, well...you're a couple. Your first 'proper boyfriend' and you're the first girl he's wanted to do it with. The urge and desire are there. You're not still little kids. Nobody's pressuring the other. He's got a great 'lets take our time' attitude with you, which can be a bit scarce in 17 year old guys. And he's taken the time to please you, WITHOUT instantly demanding anything in return. I reckon you're on a winner with him! As far as experience, he'd get a REAL shock if you said 'Of course I'll give you a handjob, I've done it LOADS of times with other guys and they loved it...' Wouldn't he just??? So...relax and ENJOY!!
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Is it safe to give head or get it from my partner? Is there any disease eveif were both are tested?
(link)
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Any sti for which you have both had a test for and the results were negative (meaning you're NOT carrying it) is effectively out of the picture completely in a relationship where neither are having sexual relations with other (unknown) partners. They do not arise from nowhere, or develop from other infections. Potentially THE greatest risk in erms of the seriousness of the outcome is transferring the HIV virus. There is no documented case to date of oral sex ALONE (either way, ie a blowjob or being 'licked/eaten out' to use common terms)resulting in the passing of HIV. The virus cannot live in saliva (spit) and in fact it's seen to actually damage the virus. Contact between blood, semen and vaginal fluids are the key. So semen to saliva, no. Semen to vaginal fluid, yes. And so on. Penetrative sex, without a condom is the major offender in passing sexually transmitted infections. And as we said, if neither partner has one there is no possibility of it's transfer even by this. Oral sex is to all intents and purposes a very low risk practice. And swallowing or NOT swallowing semen or vaginal fluids does not figure in the risk assessment either way. Makes no difference at all in fact. It's a very common practice as a kind of 'first step' for many young couples as they discover and explore their sexuality. There's no pregnancy risk whatsoever of course. I hope you won't be offended, but there is sometimes a sort of 'vibe' that sexually transmitted infections just 'appear', as some sort of moral or godly 'punishment' on us for being 'wicked' and enjoying sex. Especially when we're young. Which is of course complete NONSENSE. But myths WILL persist even in the face of all logic, reason and watertight medical proof! Hope you feel a little happier about oral sex in general. It's harmless, perfectly natural and very enjoyable if it turns out to be 'your thing'! On the subject of myths, there can also be some nagging 'belief' in the back of our minds that contact between our mouths and someone elses genitals is in some way 'dirty' or dangerous. Saliva has evolved as our 'first line of defence' as it were against bacteria, and it's quite strongly antiseptic. Or we'd all be very ill, a lot of the time! Of course, you'll both want to be pleasantly fresh and clean out of respect and courtesy for each other. But that's all you need.
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Is it legal 4 a 13 yr old in england 2 send a 14 yr old boy dirty pics ? jw worried for a friend (link)
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NO IT IS NOT. Photographing a model in any sexually explicit manner requires a 'Model Release Form' which proves they were 18 years of age at the time the images were acquired. It must be kept by the photographer and/or studio they work for and a copy kept by the model. Images taken for private use are of course exempt and allowable where the subjector subjects is/are 18 or over. They may also be distributed electronically or in paper form legally. If the thirteen year old is sending 'dirty pics' of herself or another thirteen year old this is considered child pornography. Which is fuel for the dark world of paedophilia, which is rightly condemned by all western society. Requesting a 13 year old to pose for sexually explicit photographs or video capture is not, and cannot be legal under ANY circumstances. He or she cannot legally ask for, or consent to their acquisition. Professional adult pornographic studios, photographers and videographers DO NOT obtain, distribute, promote or condone child pornography in any manner. Sexually explicit photos or videos of thirteen year olds is NOT the 'harmless entertainment' of pornography/glamour material where the subjects are consenting adults.
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Wht is the legal age for sex in england ? (link)
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Err...I'm certain the age of consent in the UK is SIXTEEN. And oddly, it's illegal to sell glamour/pornographic material (printed or electronic) to any person under the age of EIGHTEEN. So for two years you can do it, but can't legally buy a picture of someone ELSE doing it!!
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This is about my female teacher and I'm a female too.
sometimes i have caught her looking at me.Sometimes when we look at each other, either she looks away quickly or I have to break eye contact.
When she is teaching, 90% of the time she is looking at me.
When she makes a joke, or makes fun of a student in our class (when I say makes fun of someone, I don't mean that she's mean to the student.) she always looks at me after and smiles.
One time our class had to bring something for a shared lunch, and most of the boys forgot to bring something, so the teacher said to them that they had to sing a song, so the boys asked what song, and then the teacher said "girls just wanna have fun" then straight away she looked at me...
I brought cupcakes (I know, cupcakes are for younger people, not people in highschool, but it's the only thing I could bring lol) and the teacher had one, then I saw her take a bit of icing off of her cupcake and lick it off of her finger while looking at me then she smiled...like trying to be sexy?
Sometimes when the bell goes, she stands by the door and when I walk past, our bodies touch. There is plenty of room for her to move but she just stands there and obviously doesn't mind our bodies touching? (I'm too shy to say excuse me...)
One time she stopped talking to someone just to say bye, have a nice weekend to me.
When we were in the school library once, she sat next to me. Out of all of the free tables and chairs she sat next to me.
One time when this boy sat next to me, half way though the lesson she comes over to our table sits down next to the boy, and asks the boy why he's sitting next to me.
I don't know I'm just confused, what do you think? What's your opinion?
And I understand the never have a relationship with a teacher thing. (link)
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Teachers and students spend a fair bit of time 'together'. And teachers are of course human. It's quite possible for a teacher to strongly 'identify' with a younger person, of like or opposite sex. They're professionals, and have the dealing with great numbers of students. So they are not usually naive or easily phased. It's easy for a teacher and pupil to strike-up what you call a 'rapport', meaning there's a harmony or 'agreement' between them that just springs up. A teacher of classics say, might tend to find such a rapport with a student who is keener, more interested than common (or they need to be) in their subject. An art teacher must feel an attachmnet of sorts to someone they spot with a potentially great talent or ability I should think. Or maybe, there's just something in a particular pupil that makes them feel good about being a teacher and role model in general, one or two who make them feel it's a really worthwhile profession. (When a lot of pupils must make them despair!!). Maybe she simply sees something in you that reminds her strongly of her own school career? And wants to be the 'mentor' she wanted, or possibly even had herself? That's a million miles away from them wanting a 'relationship' (physical, or outside of class time at all). Sounds like you've got a good 'rapport' with your teacher. Which can be a very good thing, especially if 'her subject' is one that interests you greatly. Beneficial to both of you. But don't dwell on the idea of a relationship, and NO school gossip with your mates. You're sharing your thoughts with adults here, and you've been honest about your observations and what actually happens, which is not how things could end up if you share them with friends your own age. I know at school age it can be hard to identify & separate different feelings. You don't have to think your teachers are 'all jerks, all out to give me a hard time'. And a teacher who to appears to like you a bit more than usual is not necessarily eyeing you up as a partner. Keep up a mutual liking and respect for each other, share a few laughs with her when it happens, but don't read anything into the situation, or act in any way that's inappropriate. That's my opinion, since opinions you wanted. Just have fun...like the song says, eh? ps...I'm a guy. I ADORED (and fancied!) my (female) English Lit. teacher. And we enjoyed many a verbal joust and joke and many a 'private' exchange of glances. Nothing came of it, and nothing ever WAS going to come of it. Except that I did exceptionally well at English! Can still quote great chunks of Thomas Hardy and D H Lawrenece come to think of it....
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I have relatively few possesions; but relative to whom? The Nazi's where responsible to less deaths than the Russians during world war II does that make the Nazi's okay? I don't think so. I may be able to pack everything I own into a small car but really for me that is way too much stuff. I suppose it's not the stuff that bothers me it's the percieved "need". I can't bring myself to throw away things like my certificates of achievement (certificates from college stating I completed some course or another). What do they matter? They won't keep me warm at night, they wont feed me, I can't use them to defend my life from the savages of the world. Do I really need to feed myself? What is the point of protecting myself? How can I find enlightenment when I am looking for it externally? Where is my inner piece? (link)
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Here's an interesting one, it goes right back to the ancient Greek philosopher Epicurus and his doctrine that physical and mental pleasure is the high goal of our life, the only thing worth pursuing. Now man 'makes things' and is unique in the animal kingdom for this fact. And he's 'proud' of it. So there is always a tendency for us to associate success, happiness and our 'standing in society' with the accumulation of, well....stuff! It gets worse, a phenomon of more recent human society is marketing. It's no longer about what we need (which as you're hinting at, is surprisingly little) but about what they can sell us. On the pretext that 'if you want to be happy....you NEED this. If you want to be a success you NEED that.' And so on. I'm sure you know how marketing/advertising works so I won't go on. Why is it effective? In all cases it's the same. They are taking something we DO want (the hedonistic pleasure and satisfaction old Epicurus was on about) and they are INSINUATING THEIR PRODUCT INTO IT!!! Want a random example? How is a 4x4 (the big outdoor utility type vehicles like Landrovers) marketed? Rugged outdoor type guy drives his rugged truck through vast wilderness. He's wild and free isn't he? We all want to be free, we'd all like to forget working and roam the spectacular mountains and forests wouldn't we? Now they can't sell you freedom, it's not a commodity. But they CAN sell you a Landrover! So they insinuate the Landrover into our desire for fredom. And you buy it. And of course, you find you're no more free our fulfilled than you were before you got it, in truth. So you start looking at what else you might buy that WILL satisfy that urge for the things you CAN'T. Part of the principle is that it not only fails, it HAS TO fail. Or we become 'satisfied'. And stop amassing stuff...and stop buying! Was Epicurus right? Is personal pleasure/gratification 'all we're here for?' Even if he WAS right you should be seeing by now that surrounding ourselves with 'stuff' IS NOT a sure (or even likely) way to achieve it. (He did not of course suggest that the high goal of a mans life is to acquire as much stuff as he can, that's just how it's been exploited by lesser 'thinkers' to suit consumerism and commerce.) Or are there other factors? The enlightenment you talk about? Is he partly right, but it's not the whole story? Afraid we're getting into deep philosophical water indeed here. Way beyond the scope of a 'question and answer' type advice web site. You and I could sit down and discuss and explore this for a very long time! The certificates? They're awards for some personal feat of physical or intellectual achievement. You were not sold them. You did not buy them. You earned them. So in this case, whatever else you discard in your paring away of the material you should KEEP these I reckon. And they don't take up much space....The basic needs (feed and protect) you mention stem from Maslowe's Hierachy of Human Needs. Quite simply, if you were parachuted into the jungle with no means of rescue you wouldn't be thinking 'Shall I get that new iPhone..?' Your first priority would be 'How can I protect and feed myself in order to stay alive?' Once you'd sorted that you could move onto other needs and desires. Which is why it's a 'hierarchy' not a list you can choose from in random order. If you see what I'm getting at? YOU are not particulalry worried about feeding and protecting yourself simply because they are 'already sorted' and you've left these steps in Maslowe's hierachy behind you and are moving up it. The final stage incidentally is 'personal development and fulfilment' which we pursue only when the more basic needs are already satisfied. So...'congratulations', in a way. You are looking for your 'last step'. But it's not a formality, not an 'easy last step' by any means. It's the hardest of all. Now, we absolutely MUST credit Epicurus for identifying the largely unarguable truth that when given a free choice man wil tend to 'choose the course of action which he believes will bring him the greatest pleasure & satisfaction'. (Bit of a 'no brainer' in modern lingo?? But how often do we say that without questionining why? Making a no-brainer of the no-brainer??). But whether his belief is valid and he reaches the desired end is far more complex. Man can, and does sometimes choos the altruistic path, putting the good of mankind before his personal perceived needs. How are we to reconcile this with the 'truth' of Epicurus? There are VERY MANY other factors in play here too. I would have to call up many more of the 'big guns' of Western philosophy to explore further, and as mentioned, we're going beyond the scope of what we can achieve here, and well outside the specific 'posessions' brief you introduced. Still, I hope I've shed a little light? Maybe identified one path which is NOT likely to get you where you want to be with yourself?Best wishes in your search for inner peace and fulfilment, by whatever path.
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I'm a 14 year old female. And this guy has a crush on me...Of course I know it's a crush, but...i think I like him too now. He's nice and caring. I know it's just infatuation, but what should I do? Thanks. (link)
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If you read through a lot of the posts here from girls of your age you might well think that it's ALL about sex, and sexually related behaviour. The replies are realistic and responsible in general. But it's just as 'normal and natural' for a young couple to have a less physical, just fun and easygoing relationship. So try spending a little time together, with him as 'a mate who just happens to be a guy.' And see how things pan out. Try to avoid putting a 'label' on it at all. Good luck. There's absolutely no rush to do ANYTHING at 14 you don't want to.
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I want to learn all about plants that grow in my local area whith the eventual goal of living 100% from food I collect or hunt myself.
I have a few books and have a few printouts from the internet. Do you think that information is enough to indentify plants that are safe to eat? (link)
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It's a start, but hold your horses a bit before you start eating bush tucker at random. A wrong identification might well be a disaster. We've lost this natural 'bushcraft' long ago in todays world. A lot of stuff out there is simply 'classification unknown'...might be good eating...might be lethal. Anyone who knew for sure being long gone and we just haven't bothered to find out again. It's a fascinating idea and sort of 'grounds' us in the old ways. There's some you'll be 100% certain of, and you're fine there. But no silly risks. Any doubt, chuck it away. Best way to learn is find one of the (admittedly, few) people who really know their stuff and go out with them a good few times. Then you'll see, feel and maybe smell the item in question, and see where and at what time it grows, and then you'll just 'know it' when you're on your own. Hard to get that from a book. Strange, five minutes with the manual and we can learn how to use the newest high-tech gadget. But learning the skills we all once had and have lost is a slow, patient process. Maybe that's why it appeals to some of us??
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Im a 13 year old girl and finger myself over a guy i like should i do this at 13 ? (link)
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It's not at all unusual and perfectly natural for a girl of 13 to have discovered the pleasures of masturbating (or 'fingering yourself' if you prefer the term). Guys around your age often enjoy doing their thing while looking at pictures or movies (not necessarily explicit pornography, could be their fave celeb in a skimpy dress and not pornographic at all). Girls quite often prefer 'ideas' or mental 'pictures' (though some like visual eye-candy, which is fine too) when they pleasure themselves. Your choice of bloke is completely up to you. Celeb, sports star, can be older than you (probably will be if it's a celeb) even a cool/handsome teacher at your school. Or a guy around your age you actually know and meet daily. If it's a teacher don't flirt with him in real life though will you! If it's that guy you've fancied for ages, who knows? You might end up an item one day! Your absolutely fine. Have fun!
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i am from India age of 21,i used to jerk daily at least twice a day but i want to stop it from daily sometimes it goes even three three time a day if it need ,
1.)i want to stop this thing or can i continue with this ,
2.)does the jerking can cause STD ?
3.)jerking is good to health ? ,
4.) can i jerk daily for once or should stop this and how to stop ?
5.) jerking twice can bother me ?
6.) can jerk reduce my weight or health ?
But one thing when i jerk i became tired and i am hungry i want to eat something fully i feel like that why ???? please help me for all my questions please (link)
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Hi. There's no reason why you shouldn't do it as often as required or desired. You body won't let you overdo it. Fatigue will eventually stop a guy getting an erection and then you can't do it for a short spell. It causes no physical or mental damage. It can't possibly result in any form of sexually transmitted infection. It won't cause a weight loss if you keep eating (it burns up energy, hence the tiredness and hunger, so it makes you put the calories back by eating. So there's a perfectly normal cause/effect cycle is going on here). The only reason you might want to cut it down is if it's badly disrupting your sleep and you're badly fatigued during the day. And it affects your work or studies. But a healthy 21 year old guy should have plenty of energy and recover from any exertion quite quickly. In short it's a totally harmless and pleasurable activity for a young male. And shouldn't entail any feelings of guilt or worries about abnormality. It's about as natural a pleasure as it gets. Nothing you've said worries me in the slightest. So carry on as and when required mate!
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A while back, I asked for help on how to get my videos to stop pausing while the audio continued on.
It's not happening more frequently so I have to wiggle my mouse at least once every couple seconds and this is just so annoying. It happens on all the websites I try to watch a video on now, including YouTube. Netflix is the only one that plays normally. And the videos work when I don't full screen, but once I put into full screen, the entire thing screws up. I've even had a few videos basically short out and close my browser down on me.
I tried cleaning my cache, my computer, and running a scan, but still nothing came of it. I also ran the RegTweaker program as previously suggested, but I was asked to pay a fee in the end, so I couldn't continue with it.
One of my friends suggested that something may be wrong with my video card, or whatever that is, and I really don't know what it is.
Is there anyway to get this fixed or do I really need to pay a lot of money to have it fixed? (link)
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Big (High resolution, high definition) video is resource-hungry and likely to stop and stall intermittently if your computer is (a) short on RAM and/or has a slower processor or video graphics card. or (b) is quite a high-spec machine that's quite capable of full screen HD if that's all you're asking it to do. But if you've got other applictions running they grab a percentage of the resources for themselves. Connection speed will do it for streaming video feeds, it 'fetches' a bit, plays it and when it goes to play the next bit, it's still fetching it. The machine might have many updates being downloaded in the background whenever you're on-line (Antivirus up dates, browser updates, latest flash player...list is endless. Small screen rendering needs far less precious resources, so they play fine. Most likely not a hardware fault or virus. Do your virus checks of course, always should. But don't open-up the thing unless you know what you're doing. And be a bit careful with anything that pokes about in the registry. The stuff in here is meaningless to most users, but essential to the machine. If your reg tweaker has a save settings and restore settings function, then save before you let it remove any keys/entries. So you can restore it wholesale if you find some things just won't run at all after the 'clean up'. Not a computer man by any means, but spend a lot of time working with graphics/imaging. High def./high res. photos and video are demanding of resources. Close any aps you don't need, and turn off any auto-updates if you want to view video online. But remember to turn stuff like antivirus auto downloads back on afterwards, or your av software won't be up to date. Might make them run smoother. Even a fast computer on a fast internet connection can be crippled by 'double firewalling'. If your antivirus package has it's own firewall, you turn the native Windows firewall OFF. This is not exposing yourself to hacking. Two firewalls are NOT 'extra safe', they basically conflict with each other, badly. Trying to 'block' each other (!!) at times. And tie-up a lot of resources in the process, easily making your computer 'too slow for HD video'. In general, any 'load' you can take off the computer without compromising security will make it easier for the machine to play smooth, stick free 'live' video. Some sites might optimise the video content and it's player for speed. Which is why it's OK on some sites, some videos...crap on other sites/other videos. Also, some security software is much more restricting than others. So online gamers and video viewers often have a 'favourite' package that keeps stuff smooth and fast. Since I don't do either I can't give you a name. But there must be reviews and forums out there on the subject if you have a look. If you think viewing's hard on a machine, try realtime/non-linear video EDITING. A film production company uses banks of many fast computers working together. And the final 'cut' still takes a quite while to render-out at full resolution!
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I don't know why, but I've been really horny this past week. Is it because I'm fourteen and growing up? Whenever I cum, I just can't stop touching myself. It has to stop. I also get really wet in school. I can't really do anything about it then, and it's kind of embarrassing! Is there a way to stop this? (link)
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Yes, it's because you're 14 and growing-up! You seem to be beating yourself up a bit with the 'It's got to stop' comments...like you're trying to kick a bad & damaging habit? There are reasons, you have one already, why a young lady feels extra horny from time to time. Also, the part of your period you'll know about (menstruation) has it's flip side (ovulation) during the month. An it does make women feel extra horny a lot of the time. I very much doubt you're the only girl getting wet in your class, but it's not anything anyone else in the room will know anything about, is it? You might sort of 'blush' a bit but there's any number of other reasons why a girl might do that. In short, nobody will look at you and know you're getting horny. As you say, it's hard to deal with it during school time, and it will tend to distract you from your lessons a bit. How about trying to focus really hard on whatever you're studying and promising yourself in return the 'reward' of really enjoying yourself later, when you're at home? As for actually stopping it, well you can't. Think more of controlling it for a while. In your own private time, it hasn't 'got to stop' by any means. It's an enjoyable, pleasurable and life-affirming thing. A real 'gift to yourself'. There to be enjoyed, and proving that you're a perfectly healthy and well-adjusted young lady with everything working properly. While it's true that at your age the urges can pop up perhaps a bit more frequently and intensely than later in life, an older woman can just as easily find herself feeling really wet and horny at work, where it might be equally hard to relieve the tension. You're OK...and like we said, you're the only one who knows for sure when it's happening so no embarrassment worries. Most girls of fourteen who are at a similar level of physical/sexual maturity as you could have written what you have. Other girls might find it happens a bit later, say 15 to 16, as humans don't all develop at exactly the same rate. Relief beforehand might stall it, but it does tend to work better for us guys. You ladies can stay feeling horny longer than us, and of course if you don't feel hot before school, there's nothing there to relieve is there? Do we get aroused at awkward moments? Like at school? Bet your life we do! In fact, if you're at a mixed school there's quite probably a lad or two who feels pretty pleased to see YOU!!
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Okay, so a few hours ago I was fingering myself, and my father walked in. He stared at me for a few minutes, and then went to his room. I tried asking him if I could talk to him, but he said he was busy, what do I do? I'm scared he'll tell my mother. (link)
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Whoops! Mate, it'll have been as embarrassing for him as it is for you. Really, it's one of those things any parent knows their children do from a certain age, but kind of pretend they don't know. Just let it ride, and don't force the subject up. Your mum will know too, even more than your dad. They might discuss it a bit when they're alone. And the result will be an agreed 'well, we can't keep her a little girl forever. She's growing up.' And I think it's extremely unlikely either will ever mention it to you. It'll quickly pass. It's not like you've been caught doing something criminal, or doing hard drugs. Then your parents would go in hard and you WOULD be in the doghouse. And quite right in these cases. Take "I'm busy" as 'it's acknowledeged and accepted and you don't need to explain anything'. There's an understanding and love going on here that YOU will have with your own kids one day, trust me
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Its all too much.I hate how ibam.I wanna be pretty n thin more than anything.all i think about is suicide.23 f, cutter for 2 years everyday, cant stop.make the pain stop. (link)
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Hi. You're 10 years younger already. Result! OK, lets be serious. Habits, values and ideas you're forming NOW are going to carry forward into your adult life. Fact! Now I could give you a lot of stuff about us all being worthwhile people etc etc but you probably won't believe me, or care. This is all hanging on your appearance. Well, a lot, maybe all of this is well within your control. First, thin. Now a lot of girls have a private view of themselves that isn't at all representative of how they actually look. At 13 you're going to be (or start to be) filling out a bit. Especially around your hips and boobs. Now don't mix that up with 'fat'. This is 'pretty' in the making... properly feminine figure on the way! Now, get some info. Weight for your height (and age!). Take a good honest look at yourself. Honest. Could you make an improvement...lets assume the answer you've come up with is 'yes'. First, work out with your parents a sound diet, again there's any amount of info out there. Out goes any junk food, and sweets and crisps, and sweet (full of sugar mate) drinks. Really, they're easier to cut out than you think, specially when you've got a reason. You don't starve yourself of course, or make yourself sick after meals, or any crap like that. That won't make you slim, it'll make you ill. Look at some photographic models of all kinds. OK, they look great. ButI can tell you most 'shoots' are physically hard work for the girl. They're fit, and they have to be. Once you're putting good stuff in to your body it's time to sculpt it. A great shape comes from great muscle tone, pulling you into that shape. If cash is no real object people can join health clubs or buy (pricey!) exercise machines to use at home. But truth is, there's no end of ways to get in great shape with little or sometimes no spending involved. Net research, or magazines here. So I've stalled any excuses you might have...set to it. The only essential thing is that you make a 'regime' of it and do it regularly, in full. No skipping sessions! You'll literally start changing shape before your very eyes. Is there a flash hair salon in town? Right, start saving pennies...when you've well on the way to your body-beautiful you'll be going. And asking the stylist what they suggest to add to ideas of your own. And just do it. Might be a nice thing to ask for as a birthday prezzie?? Any family, friends (and their families) etc you consider a real wizzard with cosmetics? Arrange a meeting and pick her brains, get her to show you techniques, suggest products. Again, you'd be surprised how different even a good model looks before the make-up girls have a go at them. Comparing your normal self to what you see in the shots is never a good idea. Start looking out styles of clothes that suit you, that you like. Start thinking about your own style. So, have I described, or asked anything here that you couldn't start doing straight away? Think not! And does any of it sound like nonsense, that is could three months of the right exercise FAIL to tone and shape a human body? And so on. Now you tell ME how suicidal thoughts and cutting yourself is going to make you slim and pretty? Nuff said? If this is what you need to make your life brighter and happier, stop moaning and start doing it. By the time you're 14, just think what you might have. Fit and toned, healthy. Good shape. Great hair. Know how to dress & make-up for the special occasion. Dripping that self-confidence that goes with knowing you've made THE very best of yourself. In fact, you'll be a bit of a babe, eh?? Tell me why this CAN'T be yours?? Your happiness is in your own hands, just got to reach out and take it. You only get one time around...better make it count. Don't get fobbed-off with any 'we're all fine just the way we are' attempts at flattery and 'consolation prizes'. Truth is, it's what YOU want for yourself, and getting it that matters. You tell me it's what you want. How MUCH do you want it? Good luck mate!!
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So I'm 13 female and last night we had this party thing and we smoked hub but it was му first time and I didn't smoke much. Then today I went to this place and I had 1 thing of brutal fruit and 2 brutal fruit slushies which is obviously just brutal fruit frozen/crushed or whatever cs once it melts then its brutal fruit. Well after that I started feeling really nauseas and felt like throwing up and tired and stuff. Can it be from the brutal fruit and stuff? And don't lecture ме on underage drinking cs it was just once or underage smoking cs that's also just once (link)
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Hi. No lectures. I like a drink myself. But even the finest brandy or champagne is in a way a toxin, or 'poison' to the body because it contains a high percentage of pure alcohol. If you hit it too hard (and 'too hard' depends on stuff like your physical size, metabolism and how much you're 'used to it')
your body will say..."that's it...poison...get it out of here!" So you throw it all up. Or feel as though you're going to in your case. So you stopped a bit short of ' way too much' obviously. Smoking stuff normally causes a 'vomit' reation straight away if it's going to at all when people first try it, not usually next day. Sounds like the booze, which your body can often still be trying to purge itself of next morning...it stays in you a fair time. Take care of yourself though. I mean, is it really cool or sexy or chic throwing up mate?? A puking girl makes most blokes run a mile!! Plus, if you DO get absolutely leathered DON'T take yourself off home and sneak up to your bedroom before your mum catches you and lie down on your bed, specially flat on your back. You might fall into such a deep sleep from the booze that being sick doesn't wake you up...and you can choke on it. Listen, people REALLY DO DIE because of this, straight up. Famous rock stars even (you won't know who Jimi Hendrix was at 13 probably...he did.) And no end of people wake-up having been sick...they got away with it...this time! Best face up, tell your mum 'Look, I'm out of my head, keep an eye on me please." and stay close to her. Or someone, so they can keep you safe. Likewise, keep with your mates if you're hammered when you're out. Drink loads of plain water too, it helps 'get it out' in exactly the way you'd expect! Hope this last bit's not too much of a lecture..? But it does happen, and you've got your whole precious life ahead of you. Cheers!!
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Is
But old Friar Laurence for shadows doom,
and the lovers’ future is full of gloom.
in iambic pentameter? (link)
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Iambic pentameter is two pairs of five stressed and unstressed syllables. I've got capitals to show the stressed syllables.
he JESTS at SCARS, that NEver FELT a WOUND
but, SOFT! what LIGHT through YONder WINdow BREAKS?
it IS the EAST, and JUliet IS the SUN.
as the great man said...
but OLD friAR lauRENCE foreSHAdows DOOM
and THE loVERS fuTURE is FULL of DOOM
You've got ten syllables, but the stress/unstress pairing isn't quite natural. 'foreSHAdows DOOM' and 'is FULL of DOOM' are fine. But the name Laurence is normally stressed LAUrence (STRESS-UNSTRESS) and Lovers as LOVers (STRESS-UNSTRESS). Likewise FUture not fuTURE. And FRIar not friAR. So you're on the right lines, but the stress (emphasis if you prefer) is falling on the wrong syllables at times. If you want Laurence, the syllable that comes before him must be an unstressed one...or he becomes lauRENCE. Like loRRAINE. If you see what I mean. Nice cultured & intelligent question though!! I reckon you're either fixing to be a poet...or studying English Lit.?? Noting that changing the emphasis totally ruins these beautiful lines. And it's jool-yet (2 syl.), not joo-lee-et (3 syl.) when it's performed properly!
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