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poisonious friendship
14f
I had a best friend lets call her L and i had another best friend lets call her V.. they didnt really get along..
So i left V to hang out with L more.. i was really close to V but i guess i was attracted by Ls personalty..
she didnt give a fuck about anything.smoked weed. (I already smoked weed before) she was a good listener..
So we all went to the same school and everything was fine until people at school started calling me and L sluts.
No one liked L because she caused to many problems and she was supposely a two face.
But i didnt believe them because i trusted L .
So then L and I started stealing and smoking more
frequently and we got closerr..
we got so close i took the blame for everything she did.
I almost got in a fist fight because of her. I almost got expelled because her dumb crush stole tequila from a store and she basically said i did it.
I would buy her things with my moneyand shed never say thank you.
When shed do something hurtful shed never say im sorry.
Then random people came to me and asked me to have sex with them.
I said no to all
Then random guys i didnt even know msged me on fb asking to sex because they heard from an anynomus source that i am easy.
I would cry about it everyday because it got to the point were i would go to the mall and girls would shout hurtful things at me..
Prostitute.. slut..whore..bitch....nasty..
And i would always cry to L about it..
Shed comfort me..
But then i had to transfer schools because of an unrealated cutody battle..
And when i was at my new school..
my ex best friend V would call me telling me L is talking smack about me telling people i
Fuck every guy i am with
I give bjs for money
Etc..
I didnt believe her until people starting msging me on fb everything that L said....
I couldnt believe it i didnt want to.. i was extremely heartbroken...
But now im still a bit heartbroken and i feel super betrayed..
I am currently friends with V now and im glad because she has demostrated to be a true friend..
But the problem is ..
The school year is ending and we are all ending into high school
i recently found out L is going to the same school i am going to with V.
the thing is i WANT TO KNOW why is she telling people that?
She blocked me on fb so i cant msg her.
She moved so idk where she lives..
She even changed her number so i cant call..
How can i talk to her calmy and effectively without starting another figght?
I dont want to be friends anymore i just want to understand why sheis doing what shes doing..
And i want to make the peaces with her so i dont get anymore drama in high school
Please help... how can i get in touch with her???
Pleasee i will be extremely gratefulll(:
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
In my opinion, it's best not to get in touch with her. You never did anything wrong so you won't be able to make peace with her. She was never a "good person" to begin with, and you can't make her change.
You aren't friends with her anymore, she never really was a friend and you know that.
There will be plenty of drama in high school, but if she starts it then you just need to be the bigger person. She'll keep doing more to you if you react and if even if she does, you can just talk to a counselor and get some advice from them to see how you should react and deal with what she says or does.
The reason she is doing what she is doing is because she likes attention, she likes putting people down. Eventually people will realize what she is saying are lies.
You aren't the only person who has gone through something like this. Many people have had friends they really trusted that ended up betraying them.
Just be the bigger person and pick good friends.
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Quite agree with your reply (Dragonflymagic). Since you didn't cause it and aren't now contributing to it, there's not actually anything YOU can do to stop it unfortunately. The 'reason' for unjustified attacks on someone elses character, based on totally fictitious events and information is in 99 out of 100 cases because the person doing it is unhappy with themselves, and what they are. And they 'fire-off' destructively and randomly like a loose cannon at anything and everything 'nice and decent' around them. If a particular hit gets them a 'good' response, they'll target it time and time again. It amuses them. And even being hated is better than being ignored. In short, there's something 'missing' in her character, or something there, but 'faulty'. She might grow out of it, some do. About all you can do is try to rise above it, so to speak...and so deny her the feedback/attention she desires. Sadly at school age, this sort of extreme anti-social behaviour often draws a good crowd of followers. Just 'hangers-on' who want to see the show. But time's on your side...they quickly start to see through their 'anti-hero' begin to distance themselves. Leaving her with nothing more than a little 'clique' of weak-minded cronies around her. So really, just stand back, stay rational, stay true to yourself and treat it with the contempt it deserves. Any attempt to 'make peace' with her right now WILL make you vulnerable and she WILL abuse it. So no flag of truce. Might be a bit of a bumpy ride at times, since she'll unfortunately be around. Stick it out, keep your nerve. Because I can tell you in the end your side win every time. And people like this, although damaging at times are thankfully in the minority. Hope I'm not going too 'deep' here, but relax...society has a kind of 'built-in' savvy that keeps people like this OUT of positions of genuine power, authority and influence. Quite simply, they'll be on the outside, throwing stones at the establishment all their lives if they don't sort themselves out. Never in a position where they can truly hurt you or anyone else. None of her slander is true, and what's not true can't touch you mate...hang on to that thought if you start losing your fight! And remember, she can't 'make a drama' unless you're part of it, so don't give her the opportunity. Wash your hands of her completely. Good luck!
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You have already figured out it was a poisonous relationship. The issue then is not really about what she is saying, doing,or how to get in touch and make peace. You need to understand that there is no such thing as making peace with a person like that. Often times in your life ahead of you, you will come up against people who for some unknown reason do not treat you well. The question should not be why are they doing it but what is it I need to learn from it. Life has it beautiful moments and it also has it's harsher sides which come out in interactions with people, through school, family, job, marriage, kids, neighbors, etc... If you begin to notice a repeating pattern of certain people like this coming into your life you need to focus to see what it is you need to learn, because until you do, it will keep happening. Move on and enjoy your friendship with V. Maybe the thing to learn right now is what a true friend is and what is not
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