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humility: how do you stay humble?
How do you stay humble? Lately, I've found myself a little too self-absorbed. I've recently had some pretty cool accomplishments, and I find it hard to strike a balance between boasting about them and having an appropriate amount of pride. Not only that, but I've recently joined a club at school that's a big of an ego warfare; I feel like I have to brag about myself to get people to like me. So how do you guys forget all that crap and keep yourself down to earth?
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If you don't brag, then people will appreciate it-no one likes a show off. And also, when you do achieve something great, you wont need to brag because you'll be congratulated anyway as you'll be humble.
I think if you have to brag about your self to get people to like you then it's not a great situation to be it-and could lead to 'fluctuating self esteem', where you NEED to be told you're great to believe it.
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Just stop bragging Period. People who brag seem insecure and need a lot of validation. It's a nasty trait and you should just stop.
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It can be hard to strike the right balance. When we excel at a particular activity it's a combination of three elements. Firstly there's a certain amount of natural ability or affinity. But as challenges become more involved or complex this takes us only so far. Secondly, there's application. Or preparation and sheer hard work. Thirdly there's the random or capricious element. The fact that on this occasion the way the cards were dealt was favourable to us. Keeping this trinity of causes and giving each due respect helps keep us from boasting too much. In the inevitable discussion, credit each where due. 'It didn't just drop in my lap...I had to work hard on this one.' or 'I got some good breaks...it might have been different if...' or 'I've always had a feel for (???)...don't know why.' And so on. In short, acknowledge the factors that contributed, rather than in effect say, or even think to yourself. 'Hey...I'm brilliant!' None of us know everything, none are good at everything, we will all fail from time to time. Humility is being a proper 'sportsman' and showing good form however it turns out. Affinity does indeed come from uncertain sources. Hard work does tend to reap it's reward. And a favourable 'cut of the deck' is capricious and not something we can engineer or rely on. Does bragging win friends? More a grudging sort of admiration than true friendship I'd say. There's actually a well acknowledged tendency for us to take a sort of 'secret delight' or joy in seeing people come unstuck and fail. (Called 'Shadenfreude'...one of those German wwords that hasn't got an English equivalent in meaning...but you and I and all of us HAVE felt it, right?) Rest assured that the people who are there to notice, and have the power to reward excellence WILL notice whether you broadcast the fact or not. A tendency to brag might actually count against you a little when they judge your general character, and be counterproductive. Finally, the 'club' environment can, and often does replicate itself in work environments, where bragging becomes the ONLY currency of value. A constant 'locking of horns' as you might say as each competes for the 'alpha-male' spot (or 'alpha-female', where the analogy isn't QUITE such a good one..but is still pertinent!!) In this case be prepared to 'big up' your achievements, maybe a little bit more than good form seems to permit? The 'chief bragger' in the pack will tend to feel he's lost the initiative quite a bit when someone in the 'club' is demonstrably outperforming him/her...and everyone knows it. Recognise it for what it is, a simple case of 'group dynamics'. You have to 'play the game' a bit sometimes. But that CAN mean standing back while the worst offender 'boasts himself into a corner'. And comes unstuck! The fact that you've analysed yourself and spotted a slight tendency creeping in to your character that you don't like, and looked OUTSIDE yourself for counsel suggests you're strking a pretty good balance already, doesn't it? You'll be right!
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