Dear Readers:
I think my life experience is what qualifies me to write this column. I made every mistake imaginable. But have learned from them. Most important I still remember what it was like to be 12, 13, 14, 15, and so on. Currently I am a single mom, I have two wonderful boys. One in college. We are all happy emotionally. We love life, and know that you can too. I try to be the kind of parent that understands. I know that I can help you to understand where you parents are coming from, and help you get over the difficulties of being young. You can even have your parents write to me and I will help them to get over their fears and at least respect you and your feelings. I have been married and divorced twice, so I have experience in that field also. But now I own my own home, and my own business and am successful. Lots of luck to you! Hope to hear from you.
Website: Ask Michele
E-mail: cobweb2@comcast.net
Gender: Female
Location: Connecticut
Occupation: accountant, internet marketing, creative writing
Age: 56
Member Since: March 22, 2005
Answers: 1331
Last Update: June 20, 2010
Visitors: 84137
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my 8 year old niece kicked me in the chest 4 TIMES while she had her tennis shoes on becouse I popped her 6 year old brother on the hand becouse he told me that he hated after I had just got through telling him that I loved him I usually tell him that every day so my mom took me to the hospital to make sure everything was alright and the doctor said that my chest was badly bruised and that my blood pressure was over 140 over 95 and then after that he asked me if I wanted to press chatges of course I said no I mean it's my niece for crying out loud she probally wouldn't even know what was going on we told her we needed time to think up a good punishment for does anybody have any ideas it's to late to spank her we should have spanked her right away but my mom was to worried about getting me to the doctor to think about it iam 0 years old if that helps. (link)
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Seems to me that there is enough violence going on in your family. You don't need to add to it. The violence is escalating. Do you think your nephew should file charges against you for "popping" him? Bet he thinks he should be able to. Ah, but you think your hitting your nephew was justified, but you don't think your niece was justified. Well none of it is OK, all of it is against the law in civilized countries, and there are better way to deal with things that don't involve violence.
To punish someone for bad behavior, first you tell them that you are gravely dissapointed in them, then you remove priviledges. If you ground someone one for a week or take away TV or Video games, that sends a message ,but you HAVE to stick to your punishment. Don't change your mind after three days. If you say a week it is a week. Mark it on the calendar.
Please stop the violence.
- Michele
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Ok this year for some reason i can't talk to girls and im 14 and a guy. Ive had 1 gf and that lasted a week. We txt each other alot well sorta but tahts about it. I would talk to her sometimes at school but not more than 2 min topps and i would hug her thats it.
Any Advice what i could do or what might b wrong kuz its annoying me. (link)
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Well the best way to approach girls is to pay them a compliment. Just to get started, do it in a sort of nonchalant way, like when you are passing them in the hall at school. Like "hey I like your hair that way" Or I like those jeans on you." or even " You aced that test in our ______ class." Then, smile and just keep going. The girls will start to notice you. They may even approach you when they get a chance and do a lot of the talking themselves and put you at ease. the other thing that is important with girls (and guys to I "How did you do on that ____test." Or "did you hear about _________and _________?" (yes being able to gossip helps.) And "The way ________treated you really sucked, you must be upset?". Now this won't work if you just use these examples on the girls you are most comfortable with. Start with the ones that don't intimidate you, but that you don't know well. Practice on them. You'll see that they respond. Then try it on the girls that are more intimidating to you. Sure they'll wonder at first why you are talking to them, especially since they didn't invite it, but this kind of behavior shows that you have confidence in yourself. They'll start to believe it too, and believe me when I tell you. Nothing is more attractive to people of any age, sex, race, etc. than confidence.
It's all about the art of small talk.
Good luck to you
Michele
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im planning to go to community college in san diego for 2 years and go to san diego state my aunt lives there so i could live with her. but how can i apply to the college there? do i have to go to san diego right after i graduate high school? (link)
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You can probably start the application process online, at the college's website. But most likely you will have to go there and register and apply. Community colleges want payment right away when you register. Usually freshmen's cannot register on-line. But you will be able to register on-line for your second year.
I think all of the info you need can be found on the college's website.
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Michele, i took a look at what you've done for others and i just want to tell you how amazing you are.You've helped so many peole! You are one of a kind....thank you for being who you are and for being there. If the world had more people like you, it would be a better place! You inspire me and make me want to be a better person. I admire you. You make people feel better. Thank you angel...
Marie (link)
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Wow. what a great compliment that you pay me. Thank you dear. Wish my kids felt the same way. Sometimes they make fun of me. But I know they really love me, and they have turned out OK, because I was there, they just think they did it all on their own. Yeah, kids are funny that way.
You sound like a smart girl. I wonder if you are an adviser also. In any event. You made my day!
I do enjoy being on this site and helping people.
Thanks for reading my column.
And hey, I learned all I know the hard way. By making mistakes. The big difference is....I learned from them. Some people make the same ones over and over again and wonder why things don't change.
Anyway, if you can read what I wrote and think it is good advice, then that means you must have a head on your shoulders too. So you'll be OK. So people like you and me have to keep telling other people, (when they care to listen) that things can be better.
Thank you again dear.
Michele
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My wife and I were got married on September 19, 2008. Though in total we've been together for 6 years. My wife left me for another man, kicked me out of the house we were renting, and moved him in not a week later. When I asked her what went wrong, what did I do? She said it was all her, and that I didn't do anything, this is just her.
My heart has never been so broken, despite the fact she's cheated on me twice before. I want our marriage to work, I want to reconnect with her and work through this. I know I am trying to find out what I really did, and I'm having problems. Is it that I was too nice or too forgiving in the past? That boundaries were never set?
How do I get my wife back, while she's living with the other man she had the affair with? I miss her terribly, and the lonliness is unbearable.
It is not like this man is any better of a catch. He is married, with 2 kids, just got out of jail for armed robbery, and I think he may have just been using her to get out of his halfway home. He doesn't have a job, or a car, or any source of income. I worry about her constantly being with him, I just want her back. What do I do???? (link)
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I think you just need to be patient and she'll be back. Do you think she is not going to feel the consquences of her stupid decision? She surely will. And your going to feel it along with her if you take her back.
Be careful what you wish for.
Since you can't think of anything you did wrong, and I am sure you are thinking hard on that, then most likely you didn't do anything wrong. She is correct, she is the one with the problem. Please find a girls who is ready to settle down and fall in love with her. Your wife is just going to hurt you again and again. Some day you'll realize it was all a mistake, but by then you may have a home together and children and it will be so much harder. Especially on them. Please do not bring children into this mess. Do not think, (if you do go back with her) that having a baby will make her settle down and be happy with you. THAT NEVER WORKS. Please find someone else. There are so many wonderful women out there who would like a man who is respectful and a hard worker and will be a good partner, husband and father.
good luck to you
Michele
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For those who have genital herpes, how do you deal with it? I've been diagnosed 4 years ago and i still can't accept it! At the time the guy who had it and i got checked before engaging in unprotected sex but they don't necessarily check for herpes.
How did you accept it and how to live with the shame of having to tell a new partner? (link)
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These items can help you control outbreaks.
L-Lysine - taken every day on an empty stomach. Early in AM. 500 mg every day. don't eat or drink for 1/2 hour. Allowing it time to disolve. If you have an outbreak, increase L Lysine intact to 1500 mg. which you can take three or four times a day, always on a empty stomach. It will minimize the outbreak and how long it lasts.
Also buy some BHT. It also is a food supplement that is sold as a perservative. Somehow the preservative can penetrate the herpese virus and render it dormant. Take one every day. Drink lots of water. Dehydration can bring on outbreaks. So stay hydrated. Not just fluids, WATER. Stress can also bring on outbreaks. Just be aware of that.
To minimize pain, you can try hot, hot water, and/or apple cider vinegar, as hot as you can stand it, directly on to the sore. It will hurt, for those few minutes, but you'll be pain free for hours aftewards.
go to this site where you can find these same remedies. www.earthclinic.com
All of the advice that the other person gave is also true, especially the part about getting pregnant. You must tell your doctor that you have herpes when you are pregnant. You may not have an outbreak during pregnancy, but the doctor has to watch for it, and whether or not you have a normal delivery or C-section will be determined by whether or not you have an outbreak at the time of delivery.
Good luck to you dear.
Michele
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The person i'm talking about is the father of my two kids, wich are 4 and 6. Ever since i left him, in 2006 he started stalking me, coming on my third floor balcony to spy on me and calling many times a day.
Our relationship started with a lie, he said he couldn't have children, we both got checked out for std and tests came out clean so we dropped the condom. Next thing i know i'm pregnant! Then i catch genital herpes(the ONE thing std testers don't test for unless you ask for it), wich he accused me of giving to him...i had him come with me to his family doctor to check his medical file, and guess what..he had it for 10 years already!Unfair, he has only mild and few crisis, total opposite of me! That's why i left him...no trust anymore.
Then there was the custody battle...we got shared custody judgement, then he moved back to his mother's place in another province. I let the kids go for a summer holliday and he didn't return them to me since(been 3 months). I have to go to court on the 6th or the 13th, not sure yet what to expect from him(probably lies and some more)...
I need help dealing with him in a way that wouldn't harm the children anymore, but i feel helpless as he is able to lie under oath but i am not!I feel weak, for exemple, last week i went to the bank, with check to change, it was not my bank and i only had 1 piece of id with me, i was so scared the teller would think i'm a fraud that i started sweating and turned red, as if i was guilty, even if it was my bank card, my health care card and my checks! I'm affraid the same thing might happen in court and i won't be credible....happened in the past. He fooled many different doctors that nothing was wrong with him until he finally admitted he developped a durg addiction, i had asked the judge to order a psychiatric evaluation because i thought he had severe depression....
In court i will get to talk first, wich is bad because you don't get to comment on what the other party will say....will i look paranoid if i try to cover in advance whatever he might say like, if he says sexual or physical abuse i'm willing to have them tested once and for all, if he says i am drugged, i will offer to be tested...etc...and i'm scared i won't think of what else he could say....i just want myself and the kids to have the peace we deserve!
Anybody been there that could give advice?
Oh yeah and he hit me once, in front of the children, after the separation and my youngest complained to me to having been hit with a fly swapper and a wooden spoon...i'm so far away i can't do anything and children's aid didn't see any marks on them when i sent them, but he refused to have them examined or interviewed alone with the lady.....i feel powerless and a failure because i can't protect my children from him and everything.
At one point there was a restraining order against him and he kept coming in my street all the time...right in front of my house and staring at my windows, the cops stopped arresting him because he had moved 4 blocks away from my place so it was also his neighbourhood....even if he could easily not walk by my place for running his errands....
I know there is a lot of questions here....thanks for your help. (link)
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OMG, you have a long hard life ahead of you. I was married to someone just like him. Luckily we did not have any children. Because I know if we did he'd still be haunting me. You have to stay stong, You can't let him know that you are scared or nervous or doubtful. You must always stand up to him. Do you have a lawyer? I hope so, even though a lawyer can only help so much. Getting the restraining order was a good thing, and keep that up. stuff like that. If he breaks the law, if he hits you, if he hits the kids, or if he violates a restraining order, then you should call. If you can get a restraining order, then do so. The thing you did about going to the doctors office with him to prove that he was the one with Herpes and he gave it to you....that was good. That is the kind of thing that he doesn't like. It was good that you showed him you are not going to put up with his bullsh#t. You say that you both have joint custody, that means shared, but he took the kids to his mothers and hasn't returned them. He violated YOUR rights and those of the kids. You didn't violate his. He is in the wrong here and I think the court will see that. You must remain calm. Realize that this is the only way you will get the kids back. Know that you are in the right. OWN IT. OWN the feeling of being right so you can stand up for yourself and not be nervous. You have to win for the sake of your kids. You have little choice. Can you imagine how they will grow up if they don't have you as a major infludence in your life. YOu'll have to work very hard to overcome the damage that he could do to their emotional health. Just keep the future in mind. Some day they will be old enough to decide who they want to be with. If you give up and let him raise them, yes they are going to grow up hating him and not wanting to see him, but they will never understand why you abandonded them. They will never understand how hard it was for you. That they will never understand until they are in the same situation, and you wouldn't wish that on them. They need to see you fight off this jerk, and realize that it is not OK to act like a jerk. People should not get away with this type of behavior. This is America, not Afganistan. Where if you lived there and he were your husband, he could have you stoned to death. So fight for your rights and the rights of your children.
Some day he will find someone else to occupy his time and he will leave you alone. DOn't waste time and energy trying to change him or show him the error of his ways. He will NEVER listen, NEVER change. You'd be wasting your time. You may not be able to completed remove the children from his company but you CAN and WILL be able to lessen the psychological impact he could have no their minds and emotions by being strong, and pointing out to them when he is acting like a jerk. Don't bad mouth him every chance you get to the kids, even though he will sure be doing that to you. Be Patient. it will pay off in the end.
Hang in there.
Good luck to you
Michele
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My relationship with my mother is not too good. I'm not looking to make her my best friend but I do want to improve our relationship but the only problem is her.
Everytime I walk into the same room as her, she's always down my throat about one thing or another! She doesn't ask nicely at all but instead, she yells at me. I've asked her to stop doing this but she never does!
She yells at me, cusses me out or calls me bad words, and threatens me even if I haven't done anything wrong. I don't do anything to provoke her, I don't even leave the house unless it's for school or work, so I can't be doing something wrong.
I've gotten to a point in my life where I feel like I should just change my goals/life plans so I could move out and be away from her. The only problem is that there's no way I could move out, support myself, and still go to college.
I don't know what to do and that is why I'm turning to different people for advice. How do I deal with this for the next two years? (Keep in mind that I go to a community college, therefore, I have to live at home!) (link)
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YOu didn't give me a lot of information about your mother so let me throw some things out there. Do you think she could be jealous of you? Is there anything going on in her life that would make her so miserable? Is she divorced, or if married, does she treat your dad the same way? Or bothers and sisters you may have? Does she have financial problems, or thinks she has financial problems? Could she be on drugs or alcohol? If none of those things are true, that I would guess that she does have feelings of inadequacy and sees you growing up and having alife and a future and is sort of jealous. This is not uncommon, but many moms don't realize that what they feel is jealousy.
I think you are right to try and turn things around rather than run away. Looking back on it, say 10 years from now, those two years will seem small. Some day you WILL be on your own, and I bet your relationship with your mom will be better. But I do have some suggestions.
Try to give your mom a compliment. I know sounds corny, but I have done this before successfully (with co-workers, but people are people) Now the compliment has to be sincere and sound sincere to her or she won't believe it.
And by compliment I don't mean about her looks, unless she is that shallow - make it about her tasks, her capabilities. Especially something that helped you out. Here are some examples.
"Mom, I am so glad that you told me to stay away from so and so, you were right about him/her. She/He was just going to use me."
Or, "Mom, I am so glad that I took your advice and took that class on _________. I really enjoy it and am doing well in it."
You could also try, when she starts an argument, you could say, "yes I know, you are right" or "yes I know, I agree with you". When you tell a person that is yelling, that they are correct in what they are saying, it kind of takes the winds out of their sails. What else can they say, you already said they were right. And you must not be sarcastic in your statements, you must be sincere. There must be something that your mother does well, that you can complement her on. And as you get better at it, you can also start to compliment her on her looks, or her cooking, or her house or her garden or her brain.
And this is what I am hoping will happen. She will slowly but surely turn around and you two will become good friends.
So my advice is to not change your goals and stay home so you can stay in school. I left home at 18, and never went back. I have a relationship now with my mom, but I am not happy about it. She is still a miserable person and was a lot like your mom is, when I was growing up. I didn't know how to stop it and so I left. As a result I did not get to finish college right away. In fact I just graduated from college with my Bachelor degree in 2008, at the age of 56. So I struggle all those years and raised two kids too. Sure it made me strong. And dealing with this issue with your mom in a successful way, will also make you strong.
Good luck to you, and you cna write again and let me know how you made out, if you want to
- Michele
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i am failing a class and even if i get an a and b in the other two core classes im currently taking.. the F which i am for sure taking will leave my core gpa at a 2.9 (i already subrtracted 3 pnts for honors classes) i want to get hope and these other scholarships which require a 3.0 ... it's extra money. i also learned that they offer alternative cash scholarships for lower gpas.. next semester i could make nit up to a 3.0 again if i take an additional 2 core classes and ace them.. but i was planning on working and taking the one class i need(the one i failed) at night school. i do not know how many classes i could take in night school but would it be better if i just go to day school and make up my gpa or what? my mom already has a plan for me ither way for college. just plan a(do 3 core classes) may be cheaper than plan b(nightschool-one core class i need). what do you think? i really need some opinions from those knowledgable. thankyou. (link)
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Find out if you can take the class on line rather than night school. On line works better for busy people. You can go to class when you have the time. Charter Oak in CT, offers on-line classes. I took classes there full time, and all on line. And I was often in "class" with students from other states, who were just taking that "one class that they needed" but were actually attending other colleges at the same time. These on-line classes usually cost a little less too. Is it to late for you to drop this class. I was told by my college advisor that dropping a class is better than failing it. Doesn't affect your GPA. Sure you loose the money, but even by failing it you have to take the course over again. So you still loose the money. Good luck to you and I hope you get that GPA up.
Michele
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Hello. My names Jessica. I was wondering if you could help me or give me information on finding someone who could. I don't really know how to go about finding information out. Okay. Well, When I was about eleven my parents starting having problems. There was never physical abuse. Never really verbal abuse either. They just weren't meant to live together. My grandmother never liked my father. She thought my mother could do better. She convinced everyone that he wasn't a good father. That he did drugs all the time. That he treated us wrong. That he never wanted to try and take care of us. But that just isn't true. No one is perfect. If he's guilty of anything it's being with the wrong woman and having one to many beers accasionaly. But he was never ever violent towards me, my brother, my sister, or our mother. I remember what living with them was like. My grandmother took them to court for custody of us. As you can probably tell, she won. But, I'm fifteen now. I think I should be allowed to live with my father if I want to. My grandmother moved us to Texas (we did live in tennessee thats where all the court and custody trials went on) away from all of my family and friends. I have family that I keep in touch with, because my grandmother says I'm not allowed to have any contact with my father, my family keeps me informed on how he is doing. They recently told me that he's getting a three bedroom house, he has a good job, he lives in South Carolina now, and he loves and misses me very much. Now, I am not and have never been abused by anyone. I just really think it was wrong for my father to lose me because he couldn't afford a fancy lawyer like my grandmother. Also, they had no proof of anything my grandmother accused him of. No one even asked me what really happened there. Not even my grandmother. I just want to know if there's anyway I can get back to my father? I haven't seen him or talked to him for years. I miss him so much. It isn't right to keep me away from him. Do you have any advice? Do you know where I could get help? Please I've been trying for almost a year now, if you can tell me anything at all please do.
Thank you so much
Jessica Carver
(link)
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Dear Jessica,
I agree with the first advisor, but I also want to add something. Don't fight or act out with your grandmother just so you can have contact with your dad. Currently she holds all the cards. If she thinks she may loose you to him, she will fight all the harder and she has the power. You don't and neither does your dad. If you dad had the time and money to take her back to court, it would mean a whole of trouble for both families. He would have to accuse her of not taking good care of you, there would be an investigation, etc, etc. And then, it may all backfire and the court will decide in her favor anyway. Best to be patient and wait it out.First find out if you dad wants to contact you. I mean if you can go on the computer and leave questions on advicenator, then you should be able to email your dad. Then see how that goes. You might find that he is happy to finally have contact with you again, but that he is not ready to have you live with him. Tell her yes, you want contact with your dad, you have that right, but assure her that you are NOT going to give up the life you have with her. If she thinks you are going to do something stupid like run away, she will really restrict all of your freedom and contact with him. This is just to get her to loosen up and let you have contact. And if I were you....because you REALLY DON'T know where he is at right now. Spend the next six months staying in touch and sharing. Email, text, and phone contact. For all you know he may have a new wife or girlfriend who doesn't want you around. That could just make things worse. And you'll be the one who is hurt. Where you are now you are safe, and you are going to school, right. DO you have plans for the future, are you headed for college. Don't let the facts of your life as it is now, keep you from having a full life as an adult. YOu need to make plans to get an educatioin and be self sufficient when you are a young adult. THAT, is better than living with anyone. Being able to support yourself and not rely on anyone. But, I am not saying to give up on living with your dad. Just don't be compulsive and rush into anything. YOu could end up being sorry. Take you time to see where his head is today. You don't say that he has invited you to live with him. Living with him may just be a fantasy that you have. But you both have to want it for it to happen. And be prepared, it may not happen until you are a little older. But that is OK.
Remember he is your dad for the rest of your life. If you can't spend a lot of time together now, you can in the future. Also, you may not understand right now why your grandmother worked to get custody of you away from your parents, but some day you'll understand, and maybe you'll thank her for it. You will have all of the freedom that you want when the right time comes. When you are the right age. I know it seems like a REAL long way away. But you'll get there. Just like all the rest of us did. ONe day you'll be an adult, and no one, absolutely no one will be able to tell you what to do. UNLESS, you don't take those steps to become self-sufficient, then if you have to rely on someone for food, clothing and shelter, then yes, that person can tell you what to do. It is better that if you do live with someone in the future, be it your grandmother, mother, or father or even a boyfriend, that it is because you want to be there, not because you'd be on the street with no place else to go. Education and income is power. Work towards that goal. Then stay close to the people in your life who genuinely care about your wellbeing. As you mature, it will be easier to figure out who those people are.
Good luck to you dear.
Michele
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Okay, this is the situation. I'm almost 18 years old and planning to attend college. The main question is where. But the twist...is my mom is an alcoholic. We are very close and I honestly don't know what I would do without her. I'm afraid that if I go to college in Colorado her drinking will get worse and she will in a sense have a breakdown.. literally. But, if I go to college close to home..things might not be as bad. I want her to be okay. But I also want to follow my dreams and not let anything or anyone hold me back. Asking her to get help is out of the question. She refuses to ask for help. So that, unfortunately is not an option. What should I do? I'm so lost right now. Please help me. (link)
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Wow, this is like deja vu for me. My mom is an alcoholic also. And her illness kept me back. My father expected me to take care of her. Starting at the young age of like 15. I was hardly capable and ended up running away from home. But of course that solved nothing. IN any event, my mom has remained an alcoholic all those years. She is 82. I am 56. And I just completed my college education last year. I finally have my Bachelor's degree. I journey I started in 1972. Please don't hold back. Follow your dreams and go to college in Colorado if you want. You say you love your mother, and I believe you. But she doesn't love herself enough to stop drinking. She doesn't love you enough to see that her illness is also affecting you. It is the alcohol. It is the disease. It is insidious, but it is not your fault. You can make it your problem if you want to. Like I did, but like you said - her stopping is not an option. My mother didn't stop when my father died, or when my sister died, and her grandchildren don't want much to do with her. They didn't grow up loving her like you love your mom. Because by then she was too far gone to care. An alcoholic's emotions are numbed by the alcohol. So they don't see the pain they cause, they don't see what they are missing.
None of this is your fault. I suspect you already know that. But none of it should be your problem.
Hey, I never thought my mom would live so long. I mean she has been smoking since she was 15, and drinking, well not sure exactly when she started, but she was drinking when I was growin up so for 50 years anyway. And she is still alive. Still sharp mentally too, which is a surprise. So leaving to go away to college will not mean the end of your mother. I wish I had finished college in only four years. I wish I had moved out of state too. But I didn't. There is an old saying. God protects childen and drunks. And it seems to be true, at least in my mothers case. If your mom were a good parent and clear thinking, she would never, never allow you to put your life on hold for her. So please make your plans to go to the college of your choice. YOu can be supportive of your mom, you can be sympathetic and you can listen, but the best thing you can do is not ENABLE her when her drinking interfers with normal everyday life. When she complains, you can say, but mom you have a choice, you don't have to drink. Or something to that affect. I think you know what I mean. And yes, I know it will be hard, and there will be guilt feelings. And it wasn't until I had my own kids. (I have two) that I realized she was not a good mom, and not deserving of all my love and respect and putting my dreams on hold so I could feel sorry for her, along with her and enable her to wallow in her illness. Once I had my own kids, I asked myself, how could someone do that to their own kids. You have no idea what she put me through in high school.
Today she still depends on me, but I hold her at arms length. I would never let her live with me and my boys. She is not a pleasant person.
You need to grow and mature and gain confidence, employable skills, new friends and because the amazing person that I know you can be. Your mom had a chance, she chose not to let her light shine. Don't do that to yourself. And who knows, where there is life there is hope. Without you around she may just get better. She won't have you around to feel sorry for her or to help her feel sorry for herself. YOu have to find your path and follow it. Or you'll regret it. My live could have been so much different if I had a mom who encouraged me to better myself, instead of one who was afraid of the world, and made me afraid too. And depended on me too much, and I let the guilt work on me. Please take the life that you have been lucky enough to have been given by God, or Spirit or Fate, whatever you believe in, and go forward.
Good luck to you
- Michele
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I really need to find either red or red and white convertible tights! (the ones with holes in the middle of the foot so you can wear them like tights or leggings.) They can be red, red and white stipes, red with white podadots, or pretty much any combination of red and white but the main color has to be red. please help! thanks!!!!
P.S. they ABSOULUTLY MUST be convertible!!!!!! (link)
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Try amazon.com they sell EVERYTHING.
Michele
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so i received a "premier application" through the mail from hawaii pacific university. it said i could get the application fee waived, i don't have to write a personal statement, and i don't need recommendations. this seems like the best situation ever, so is it legit? and since its called a premier application, does that mean I'm applying early action? early decision? if its early decision i don't want to do it so any help I'd LOVE. thank you thank you thank you!
it also says send in by december 1st and you'll get your decision by december 31st (link)
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Colleges will do anything to get students to apply. Especially good students. How did they get your info. Are you registered with some societies? Like the Honor society? It could very well be legit. And a free appliation! That's great because private colleges charged $60.00 for an application in the past. It has probably gone up since then. Does the whole think look legitimate? Don't give them your personal private information. (just in case they are phonies) If they ask for SS#, just give them the last four digits. Is there a reason why you wouldn't have personal recommendations available if you need them. Because they may decide after they get your premier application, that they want them afterall. If you are already involved in say sports and school activities BIG TIME. Then they may consider you the kind of student they are looking for, so they have waived the requirements for you . If so, then congratulations, you have worked hard to qualify for such a priviledge. But don't stop there, go on line and check them out, I am sure that they have a web page.
Good luck to you.
Michele
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My husband and I have a 14 year old male domestic long hair at home. He is the love of our lives. He is very friendly to people but has no exposure to other animals. I adopted him at 6 months old. Our 14 year old has NEVER been sick except for bladder stones. The CD Cat food controls that fine. He is an indoor cat.
Last week, i went to my vets office for some cat food and came across a 4 month old female (we were originally told it was male) that looked EXACTLY like our male cat at that age with a terrific personality. We fell in love. When we met with the vet and the cat on saturday, we noticed that her eye was cloudy. Turns out that she and her sister, also up for adoption, had contracted feline herpes. The sister lost an eye and she has eye ulcers. I researched this serious disease on line and have learned that it outbreak again like people when the cat is under stress. It often requires antibiotics and as a somewhat preventive measure, people give cats lysene and interferon in their food. I also hear that you can get other cats immunized against it but that it just lessons the symptoms and doesn't prevent it. We would just die if something bad happened to our male cat.
Are we crazy for thinking of adopting this cat that we have fallen in love with?
A further complication, we are due with our first child in April 2010 and work full time so we don't want to be faced with excessive vet bills or frequent vet visits with a newborn to attend to. (link)
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This is a very complicated question, espcially involving your health and the health of your unborn child. YOu don't say whether or not you have checked to ensure that feline herpes is NOT transferable to humans. This is very important. BEcause just like in the cat, herpes can cause blindness in newborns. So first you must check that out. I also know that BHT, a preservative, can help prevent outbreaks of herpes. It works in humans, and maybe it will work in pets. You can order BHT online as a food supplement. Research the issue on the site called www.earthclinic.com
That is where I found out about the BHT. They also have pages on pet diseases and problems. Maybe a cure or treatment for feline herpes is addressed there.
YOu do know about toxomplasmosis right and you are not the person who changes the cat litter. Right? Pregnant women should avoid handling raw meat and emptying cat litter boxes. Because of the chance of exposure to the toxoplasmosis spore.
Good luck to you and your family.
Michele
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Ok, so i'm a guy, 17. anyways, over the summer, i told this girl i liked her. she told me she had before, but she liked someone else at that time, i was cool with it, well anyways, i got over her, and we remained friends. we would text occasionally, but never really got to hang out. well i was talking to her one day, and we decided to hang out. she ended up having to work that day, but i went up and we just sat around talking for over an hour. well i think i'm starting to like her again, and i'm not sure if she likes me. well we were talking, and i'm not the skinniest guy you'll ever meet, and we were talking about that and she said if i gained some muscle and lost some weight, i would be, and i quote, "hot..." and she always smiles and seems happy when i'm around. she always trys to touch me (non sexually, mind you, heads outta the gutter =D)like she hits me playfully and trys to trip me. and i put my arm around her, like i was gonna choke her, and she leaned back against me and we fell to the floor and sat there for a minute.
so my question is...you think she's interested? (link)
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Well I think she is thinking about getting more interested. I am sure that the attention you are paying her is part of the reason. We all love attention. And it is apparent that you like her, from what you write. So sometimes we need time to think about things before we start down a path to admiting we like someone. We sort of have to try it on. You have had more time to think about it than she has. (or you think you have.) Maybe she has been thinking about you too. And while she made a comment about improving your health and body, to me it is obvious that she is attracted to you anyway. But girls your age are soooo hung up on what magazines, and movies and the TV tell us is the "ideal mate". When we get older we realize that that is not reality, and movie stars are just people with make-up and hair artists and better lighting.
It sounds to me like you like her too. So just give the two of you a chance to get to know each other. Be yourself. You seem smart, articulate and fun to be with. If you pay her close attention, compliment her, (sincerely not phony) and put a smile on her face whenever you are around, then she will like you more and more. And hey, if you do need to take better care of your health, then you should. After all, there is not down side to that, and well, she'll be thrilled that maybe she had something to do with convincing you to take better care of yourself.
Good luck to you. Sounds like the beginnings of maybe a great realtionship, and if nothing else a great friendship. And we all need friends.
Michele
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Can chewing on the inside of your mouth ruin your teeth? Like the enamel or something? (link)
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Not clear on what you are asking, you mean chewing the skin on the inside of your cheeks. Or chewing food in general?
If you mean chewing at the inside of your mouth, like a nervous habit or something, no I don't think that will ruin the enamel on your teeth. Chewing in general, which we have to do every day in order to eat, does not ruin the enamel on our teeth. What does ruin the enamel is the acids in our stomach fluid, which comes up when we vomit. That is a reason why bulimics have bad teeth, because of all the stomach acid that can't help but get on their teeth from vomiting so often.
Eating to many sugary foods and sodas can compromise the enamel on your teeth, and cause cavities. so watch the sweets. And if your teeth are white and you like them that way, avoid dark colored drinks like cola, coffe and tea.
So don't know if I answered your question or not.
Ask again, if I wasn't clear.
- Michele
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so one of my good guy friends found out that i fancy him. but he still has feelings for his ex.
he doesnt mind me fancying him but i do have the feeling that things are kind of awkward when we talk :S.
the thing is that i reaally like him & now i dont know if i should stay friends with him or just completely cut him out of my life :/
we've only known eachother for a month anyways but we just klicked. & im new at this school & he was one of my only friends. i dont know what to do because just seeing him hurts me:/ (link)
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Hi honey,
I know it hurts, and that sucks, but you need friends too. You'll see friends are very important. After all your new to the school. And if you end up with no friends, that will hurt even more.
Give him some time. Many great love affairs grow out of friendship. Be patient, and don't mention that you have stronger feelings for him, because then he'll start to avoid you. Let him take it from here. And since you are new to the school, look around maybe you'll see other boys that you could like as more than a friend.
As far as pain goes, honey if you don't want to get hurt, then join a convent, because that is the only way to avoid it. Life and love sometimes cause hurt feelings. But in time you'll find the right person, and all those old hurts won't matter. This is a time in your life when you get to know people and learn about them and yourself and relationships. Don't pass it up. YOu need to experience these things. Of course respect yourself and others. Good luck to you dear
Michele
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I am 25 and I am ready to start an online business...I am a woman and I am black- 1/2 african american and 1/2 west caribian...I also native american heritage (but that one may not be strong enough). So what is the best way to go about getting a grant to start, I basaically need money for basic inventory, international phone plan, licences, logo and website name and hosting. So I would say from 5,000-10,000 to start would be cool. Thank you for the advice. (link)
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WEll you could try the Small Business Association. SBA, they have government backed loans, but I hear they are very slow, and require LOTS of paperwork. Try this website. KIVA. They have been giving micro loans to individuals in foreign countries for years now. And this year, they decided to start giving loans to US small businesses, or individuals like yourself. so go to Kiva.com
Buy the way. www.godaddy.com is a great place to register your domain name and buy a website and create it yourself with their templates. Not too expensive either. www.vistaprint.com is also a great place to create a website and to get business cards printed up real cheap.
Good luck to you!!!!
Michele
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I would like to start planning on getting a good hosting company that is a good price that has a good automatic program that way i can create a fun website for my product without having to be Extreemly Computer Savvy. I used Godaddy before, but the only thing I don't like about their pages is that they are very narrow and they don't have a lot of programs that they give you automatically...like take myspace...if i could have something like that, where you can add your own layout and add things from like picture trail and you get that whole nice full page like on this site here. That would be cool...So any ideas would be greatly appreciated. (link)
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Vista Print now hosts websites too. The website creation tool is a little easier than godaddy. They are a little more expensive. You can't register your domaine name on vista print, you have to register it first. Godaddy, seems to be the cheapest place to register your domaine name, then go over to vista print, create a free 30 day trial, and create your website there. Vista print has three plans I think the costs are about $5. $10, and $20 per month.
Good luck with your site.
- Michele
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Hi Michele,
I have rather a long question, but looking at your column, I think you seem to wonderful and experienced, something like my parents – but I really can't go to them with this one. I hope you're willing to give me some honest advice and bear with me through a long question, but if not, that's okay. I'm 20, a senior in college, majoring in physics.
There's a professor at my institution that I've always been intrigued by: he's sharply intelligent, in my field, but also very withdrawn. His mannerisms and sense of humor can be a bit strange, but endearing in their own sense. He's a truly spectacular professor, has the gift of holding a class' attention effortlessly, but I believe he has some sort of social anxiety and he tends away from groups. To tell you the truth, everyone in the department is sort of fascinated by him, like a curious sort of awe.
I've always worked quite closely with him: he's my advisor, I've had three upper-level classes with him, I do research with him and occasionally help him with labs. Forgive me for a momentary lack of humility, but my work within the physics department is exceptional – I've done summer research through two top schools in physics, and I'm grad school-bound. Through all of this he's written me stellar letters of recommendation and nominated me for several scholarships. I know he thinks highly of me professionally and enjoys working with me – he's told me this. But in the past year or so I've gotten to know him on a much more personal level, as well.
This past summer, he and I went to a conference in Michigan (his graduate alma mater) and spent about a week together. At first, I was a little concerned that it would be an awkward week, but I had a really wonderful time with him. Besides the usual activities – talks, introductions to others in the field, workshops – we spent time together outside the conference. We generally had coffee in the morning before planning the day, had dinner together, when we would discuss our common interests (aside from physics, we're both musicians, and love poetry), and spent a day perusing the world headquarters of Borders. The poster that I presented went particularly well; afterward he complimented me on my ease with explaining the material in a laid-back manner.
When I returned to school this fall, my feelings for him hadn't gone. At the annual department picnic, he came (unusual in itself, again he is uncomfortable in groups), and what's more, he brought his mandolin and played with a fellow faculty member. Now, I'm no slouch in bluegrass, so I joined them with some vocals, and we had a great time. He even gave me his mandolin and tried to show me how to play it. Later the department assistant told me how shocked she was – she's known him for 20 years and he's never let anyone touch his instruments.
Now, just lately, he's been invited to give a talk at a conference. He's been working on it for weeks and has a rough draft written out word for word. When I stopped by his office he asked me if I would read through it and give him any feedback, corrections or suggestions, but he asked if I could please stay in his office, because he's very uncomfortable with people seeing his unfinished work and doesn't want any stray eyes to see it. And he tells me that I and the conference organizer will be the only people to read it before the conference, and he really values my opinion and feedback.
Throughout all of this time, the department assistant tells me that he talks about me often. (This is unsolicited – I would never want to cast him in an unprofessional light by even hinting that I have feelings for him. As I said, people in the department have this curious fascination with the things he does). Let me also clarify – he has never been married, has no children. He is also 55.
So I guess my question is multi-fold. I'm confused – being attracted to older men or 'authority figures' has never been my thing. And I'm wondering if his actions in any way indicate that he feels the same way towards me. I know he would never be overt, he's professional, reserved, and far too polite. And I'm wondering what to do. Doing nothing is eating away at me – I love being with him, talking to him – but given the circumstances and the age difference, how can I do anything?
I really appreciate you taking the time to read this entirely too long and detailed question. :)
Thank you,
Pollux (link)
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I just love your letter, your question, the way you word things. You are very articulate, but your feelings come out so strongly in your prose. I appreciate your confiding in me. I see a couple of things here. Let me explain. While many young girls dream of being in love with someone, you know, about their age, great looking, working together to get ahead, raise a family, etc. etc. etc. And this is a wonderful pursuit and many people find happiness this way. You sound like a person of great intellect and with many many interests more in the realm of intellect, rather than emotions. You found a person with whom your minds and interests and level of intelligence is, dare I say it, a perfect match. This is RARE. You could meet that great young guy, who will meet many of your needs, be a great provider and a great dad, but if you are not a match of the mind, then you will always feel that something is missing. Of course being the good person that you are, you will still be a good wife and mother and all the things that go along with that. But it sounds to me like this match between you and the professor is a once in a life time event for the both of you. I feel that he never found anyone that he felt he would be totally suited to, and be happy with. Because he wanted all of his dreams fulfilled, not just the wife and mother of his children part. But a real partner. Sounds like you would like that too. What you two have, as you have explained it to me, is not common, but what the great loves are made of. Something thousands of women, and men, yearn for, and recognize it in others when they see it, but will never get to experience it for themselves.
I think you two would have a mutually loving and respectful relationship. That is very important.
Many young couples start out together with lots of hopes for the future, then reality like work, and kids, and financial pressures kick in, and well the whole thing can go sour, or you end up just working so hard, both of you, that you grow apart. Sometimes couples can get it back. Sometimes they divorce.
My advice would be to try bring your relationship with the professor to the next level, but of course that opens a whole new set of problems.
He will be against it, because he knows how many doors you will be closing, if you are involved in a committed relationship with him. Your parents will have the same reservations.
Well, I don't have to tell you what sort of things they will say to you, I am sure you have already said them in your mind. You know. I believe that he finally found someone he can be happy with, and I think your love would help him to grow into a person who is more comfortable in public and he will continue to grow with your love and kindness. He will reach his full potential. And you know you can always be proud of him. That is important. For me, to be with a man I can admire and be proud of, if something that I long for. It is hard to find. You probably already know a lot of jerks.
Like you said, you are not attracted to older men or authority figures, and from what you explain, I don't think that is the reason for the attraction. I think it is all of the interests that you two share, the mutual respect, and the qualities that you both see in each other, that you were never able to find in another person.
It is true, he will be getting the better end of the deal in this relationship. Everyone will think you are the Prize and he is the winner. You will be settling. But you know better than that.
Pollux, just the way you explained things to me, made me see a "once in a lifetime" connection.
I think it is worth pursuing. After all, if it was only a physical attraction, you two would have gone to bed together already, and you'd be over each other. So it is not physical. I even see a spiritual bond here.
My advice.....you'll be sorry if you don't take this chance. Try to take the relation ship to the next level, and see what happens. Which maybe could be an official "date". Why not suggest that they two of you go on a "date". and see what he says. See how he behaves. If he seems thrilled, and you feel the same way, then go on more dates and let things take their natural course. And of course you'll both have conversations about how to deal with the nay sayers, when the time comes. You have already spent years admiring this man. When that admiration can be carried into a realtionship, and marriage, and a life time (no matter how short) it is a wonderful thing. And I think he feels the same way about you.
Write again if you have more questions.
Thanks for much for trusting me with this information.
Good luck to both of you.
- Michele
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