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Herpes, how do you cope?
For those who have genital herpes, how do you deal with it? I've been diagnosed 4 years ago and i still can't accept it! At the time the guy who had it and i got checked before engaging in unprotected sex but they don't necessarily check for herpes.
How did you accept it and how to live with the shame of having to tell a new partner?
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These items can help you control outbreaks.
L-Lysine - taken every day on an empty stomach. Early in AM. 500 mg every day. don't eat or drink for 1/2 hour. Allowing it time to disolve. If you have an outbreak, increase L Lysine intact to 1500 mg. which you can take three or four times a day, always on a empty stomach. It will minimize the outbreak and how long it lasts.
Also buy some BHT. It also is a food supplement that is sold as a perservative. Somehow the preservative can penetrate the herpese virus and render it dormant. Take one every day. Drink lots of water. Dehydration can bring on outbreaks. So stay hydrated. Not just fluids, WATER. Stress can also bring on outbreaks. Just be aware of that.
To minimize pain, you can try hot, hot water, and/or apple cider vinegar, as hot as you can stand it, directly on to the sore. It will hurt, for those few minutes, but you'll be pain free for hours aftewards.
go to this site where you can find these same remedies. www.earthclinic.com
All of the advice that the other person gave is also true, especially the part about getting pregnant. You must tell your doctor that you have herpes when you are pregnant. You may not have an outbreak during pregnancy, but the doctor has to watch for it, and whether or not you have a normal delivery or C-section will be determined by whether or not you have an outbreak at the time of delivery.
Good luck to you dear.
Michele
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I don't have genital herpes but oral herpes is just as embarrassing to live with. I contracted the disease when I was much, much younger than you. My mother had frequent coldsore outbreaks and I, somehow or another, contracted it from her. Ironically, we never mouth-kissed or anything even close to it. From what I have gathered, I contracted the virus the very way they say you cannot contract it by--eating or drinking after my mother.
Most places don't check for herpes unless you specifically request it. It's sad that nobody really understands that. It's why we should ask WHAT they check for long before we accept it because we usually have the ability to request something else be added to the list.
80% of the United States is herpes infected. I don't know why people don't understand that it is serious. I didn't understand that until I got with my current partner. I told him I had coldsores and he was upset because I had not told him about my herpes infection. I didn't understand that 80% is not ALL and that I shouldn't make that 80% into something much larger.
So, I do not kiss my partner very frequently, especially on the lips. I suppose to many people this would be pretty devastating but we have a love and a bond stronger than that. I've learned to listen to my body and be weary of outbreaks. If I THINK I might be experiencing an outbreak sooner I know that I need to buckle down and be more "strict" about how I interact with my partner (no drinking after each other, etc.) I am extremely embarrassed when I have an outbreak through. It's like prancing around screaming, "I AM INFECTED!" There's no hiding your lip when it's in that condition. I am ashamed that my partner has to walk beside me while people probably wonder if I've infected him--somewhere, anywhere.
I know he loves me despite of it though. He tries to help me take care of the lesion and we try to overlook it when we're out in public to avoid more embarrassment. He's become my strength in this now.
It can be pretty hard, mentally. How do you break it to a partner? You just do. You have to. There comes a point that you sit down and have that serious discussion. You trade secrets, sort of. You say, "I can't go any further in this relationship with you without you knowing something very serious and very personal about me. We need to tell each other everything if this is going to work out. This is my biggest, deepest, darkest secret...brace yourself. I can absolutely understand if this needs to end..." Then you have to just take the leap.
You don't have to just accept it and crawl in a hole. You can get online and find things that help decrease the amount of cell shedding. You can find new ways to please your partner without having to risk his health. You can be open about talking about the disease and help to prevent other people from contracting it. You can share your story and hope that SOMEBODY out there can get something from it--support or information.
You have to talk to your partner about this before engaging in any sort of sexual play. If they cannot overcome it then you just need to let them go. Sometimes we fall into big messes unintentionally. Some people can understand that and others are frightened away. In the long run, do you want someone who is after your genitals and the pleasure they could receive from that or someone who is after your mind and heart?
I've, somehow, became the site "expert" on herpes, it seems. I answer almost every herpes question I come across on the site because I'm the one that has actually taken the time to research it. I know there is no cure but I know things that help the outbreaks. I've read hours of material on it. I've read all of the possible-cures of it. I understand a lot more than others do here. I'm here to help now. This disease has enabled me to be more helpful to the young teens that gather on this site and engage in sexual activity.
So, I educate. When someone laughs and says, "My boyfriend got semen in my eyes! HAHA! Is there, like, any risks associated with that, by the way?" I explain that ocular herpes is very serious and this is not a laughing matter. 80% of the U.S. is a large number. 80 people out of 100 that you pass each day may be infected. That's A LOT of people. That's a lot of risk. That's a lot of misinformed, uneducated people when it comes to this disease. That's a hell of a number when you take into account the people who don't realize that STD tests usually do not include herpes! Am I right?! We both know that it's downright frightening and these people should take it more seriously than they do.
Join the herpes groups online. I found a very nice herpes forum that I frequent online. There are also dating sites for people who have herpes. There are herpes support groups out there that you can meet up with in person.
The "big talk" is pretty scary but people usually get through it OK. If your partner is scared off then be glad that it happened sooner than later. It's pretty shocking to hear something like that, I suppose, but if they're you're match then they will understand that you two can work through that and make a healthy relationship. They will begin to help you study it and try to find new ways to cope.
The right partner will become your support system in the end most likely. You just have to trust them in the beginning. For most people, they don't get this sort of opportunity. They don't get a chance to drop a big bomb on their partner and test their love, courage, compassion, and understanding. They don't get the chance to see how much the person cares about them right off the bat or how the person views situations like yours and mine. In a way, we're the lucky ones. We have it a little easier to weed out the bad ones.
With today's media screaming at us to SEX!SEX!SEX! I understand the scare. There are people out there that aren't after that though. There are people who can understand your disease and work around that. There are people who can love you despite of your flaws. There are people who aren't going to look at you in disgust or be ashamed of you when you have an outbreak.
Be glad that you don't have to walk around the stores with a big sore visibly bulging from your body. There is always someone or something that is worse. There is light in all situations.
So, in short, I just deal with it. I take supplements to lessen the duration of my outbreaks when they occur. I try to stay away from lots of the things that bring on the outbreaks. I do not risk my partner's health for my own benefit. I try to educate people that don't know the facts about it--and try to explain that sometimes the "facts" aren't true and that you CAN contract it from almost anything. I turn this disease into a tool that I can use to help others.
Be strong and be smart. Share your knowledge with the world. Don't run away crying when you are faced with rejection--be happy that you're still you and that you're getting the chance to find someone who will TRULY care about you.
If you have any more questions please feel free to ask me directly! :)
P.S. Please, please, please note that condoms do not protect you from transmitting STDs. You can still give a partner this disease--and many others--even if you use a condom. Condoms simply are not protection from this. Skin still touches. Where skin is, cells shed. Where cells shed, especially on the genitals when it comes to HSV-2, herpes may be. Please, be smart and talk to your partners well beforehand.
Also, please know that if you become pregnant you will NEED to see a doctor since you are herpes-infected. The herpes virus can cause blindness and death in infants as they pass through the vaginal birth canal during delivery.
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