Hello, call me Abby =] I'm eighteen and a senior in high school this year. I've always had great advice, I'm just not so great at following it =P Feel free to ask me anything, I'll do my best to give you an answer.
Gender: Female
Age: 18
Member Since: February 10, 2007
Answers: 962
Last Update: May 3, 2012
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I'm 13/f,and had a friend who was 16/m.We were talking one day,and he asked can he make out with me.I said no,and he just said ok.But then after that,I never heard from him since.He didn't talk to me for 2 1/2 months.So I thought he was mad at me,because I wouldn't let him make out with me.So I went and bitched off to him.He wouldn't talk face to face,or on the phone with me,so I messaged him.I told him that he was a bitch,for not talking to me anymore,just because I wasn't ready to make out with him.I told him that I hate him.Then he came,and messaged me back the next day,and told me to never talk to him again,because I was a bitch.He told me that none of those things I said about him were true.He said he liked me,and stopped talking to me because he was in the hospital.So when I messaged him back,and said I was sorry,and asked why he was in the hospital,he told me it doesn't matter why he was in the hospital,because I didn't care about him anyways.Then he told me to fuck off.I felt so stupid.So I tried a week later to apologize,and he told me to fuck off again.Every since then,we haven't talked,and I miss him sooooo much.I liked him back too.But I just wanna know if it's too late for him to forgive me?Did I mess up huge this time?And if so,how can I fix things because I truly miss him? ='( (link)
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It sounds like some BS that he was in the hospital for two in a half months so thats why he didn't talk to you. He is 16, way older than you. That means he was probably just looking to you for an easy hookup. He wouldn't have completely ignored you if he liked or cared about you.
Now I don't think you should have called him a bitch because that gave him a reason to call you that. The way he is speaking to you, however, is not coming from a good place and does not show that he cares at all.
To be honest, when older guys go after much younger girls, it's usually because they can't get a girl their own age.
You probably don't sincerely miss him, you just miss him because you still think about the possibilities, and what could have happened. This has happened to me too, you can't forget about a guy when you didn't have closure. That doesn't mean things would have worked out or that you need to try again. I think it's safe to say he isn't worth it, and you should try to move on.
Good luck,
-Abby
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19/M
I have this friend who is two years younger than. He is really cute, and I had a huge crsuh on him for a while, but he told me that he was straight so I just dropped it. Well, our conversations are almost always about sexual topics. We have talked about a lot of things. And he asked me to send him a pic of myself. And he knows I am gay, and I was just joking and said "Do you want me to be naked with a boner? Lol!" And his reply was "Kinda." And I was just thrown for a loop. I mean, I sent him one and he said he was going to use it to masturbate with, and I jokingly asked him for a nude shot and he just went with it and sent me a nude of himself with an erection. I was so stunned! I mean, I liked what I saw and it made me kinda start to think I should try to talk to him. Then I asked him, "Ok, I have asked you this before, but are you into guys?" And he replied, "No, it is just what I jack off to. I am not into guys, it just what I like to jack off to." And then he went to bed. I am so confused by all of this. He is a cute sweet guy and we have the same morals. I want to pursue a relationship with him, but he says that he is straight, he just likes to jack off to guys. I am so confused by all of this! Any advice?? (link)
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This guy is playing with you.
It sounds like he IS gay, but doesn't want to be out to the world. He wants to get his sexual pleasure from male images but then be straight, at least to everyone else.
He doesn't know himself yet, and if he isn't sure with his sexuality then he isn't ready to be in a relationship with you.
I wouldn't give in to his requests for nude pics or sexual chats, because it seems like he is just using you.
You can try to have a serious conversation with him about this, but him accepting his sexuality, whatever it is, will have to come in it's own time.
Good luck,
-Abby
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iam an indian and iam from the state kerala.i have seen that a male & female child of age four hugging and kissing each other.i think its a sort of sexual pleasure they are sharing because they itself have a guilty feeling about what they have done.they wish parents could not see it.also the girl child told me the boy is bad&she dont want me to talk to him,when she felt that i saw their deeds.actually the girl showed intrest in boys activity and she dragged him to that.media lnfluence is there.but without any hormonal deviations in that small age how could they think so?what did they mean?what happened?
i have pointed out only one incident,but in flats children are pone to such activities without anyones compulsion.parents may not be aware of that.when a very young girl and boy locks their room inside parents think they are kids and are playing.parents must be assertive to avoid such experiences from childs life as early experiences are critical in their lifes (link)
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I wouldn't be worried about it right now. Children see how their parents act towards each other, how couples act on TV and in movies, and they try to replicate that. If they ever saw a husband and wife hugging, they think that because they are boy and girl, they should hug. It's natural, because children their age are learning and exploring and are trying to figure out how to act with one another. I wouldn't call it 'sexual' at this point. And like in the movies, a couple usually goes to a private spot alone to be intimate. The children see that it is a private activity, and they want to assert their independence and be able to hug and kiss each other in private. It differs for all children, I know as a child I was very stubborn and independent and I wanted to do everything on my own. It's not that I wanted to hide things from my parents.
Please don't overreact and try to sheild the children from each other. They are very young and it is innocent activity. So often I see that parents are very strict on their children, don't let them go out with friends, date, or even spend time with the opposite sex. This won't stop them from being with another person in the future. It will just frustrate them. They might rebel, and completely push the parent out of their lives for being so oppressive. I find that by instilling morals into your children, and letting them gradually go out there and try new things and giving them your trust lets you have a close relationship with them and can keep them in line. If they feel like they have some freedom, they won't be itching get out and disobey you. If you can talk to your kids openly and help them make smart choices, then you both will be better for it.
I hope that could help.
Good luck,
-Abby
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if your byfriend call you a bitch and said fuck you what can i do should i live him? (link)
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When someone who is supposed to care about you uses those crude words, then it definitely raises a red flag. It shows that he doesn't have respect for you. Now sometimes there are stressful situations where you feel angry or emotional or upset, and those words slip. Thats one thing. But if it happens often or whenever he gets ticked off at you, then that is not acceptable.
Basically, if you let him call you those things, then you are telling him it's okay to disrespect you.
If I were you and my boyfriend couldn't change his attitude and his choice of words, I wouldn't stay with him.
Good luck,
-Abby
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I was fingered for the first time four days ago. My boyfriend was being rough and so the next day it hurt. Right now I am still having slight aches on and off on my lower abdomin. There is a chance he had precum left on his finger and I know there is a very slight chance of pregnancy but part of me is still concerned. Could I be pregnant? The only other symptom I have is a bit of fever. How many days is normal for your abdomin to ache after your first time? I am 19. Thanks in advance. (link)
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You aren't pregnant, and if you were you wouldn't be having symptoms this soon after sexual intercourse.
The fingering has nothing to do with your fever, and your vagina might be sore but fingering probably didn't cause aches in the abdomen.
Give it a few days and I'm sure you will feel better.
Good luck,
-Abby
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18 years old. Female. In a Muslim family (origin Pakistan). Living in Canada. I have no social life. No friends. The closest thing is an acquaintance that lives 2 floors down my Mom's apartment. I live with my Dad, visit my Mom on weekends/holidays. I'm not allowed to talk to boys -- including my cousins, and relatives (I always get yelled at, then humiliated if I do).
I was browsing online and I found a meet up site where you can meet up with people and make friends. My mom said it's alright but I can't go and make any friends with guys. Whatever, I know that. But I get angry. I don't talk to boys ever, even if I've been in classes with all boys, and then to have her even lecture me makes me angry. I understand my parents are trying to look out for me -- but they are extreme. I can't even talk to my OWN god damn guy cousins for FUCK's SAKE. I'm old enough to make my decisions. I know my morals, and I'm not going to jump the bones on any guy that comes close to me. Advice? (link)
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I'm so sorry your family is restricting you like this. It isn't fair that they should choose how you live, because you are old enough to start making your own decisions.
To be honest with you, I think you are going to have to talk to your parents and attempt a compromise, or cutting off contact from them once you move out.
Tell your parents that you deserve a social life. You should be allowed to meet people, and have friends. Tell them that they raised you well enough that they can trust you to make good choices.
And not being able to talk to your male cousins? Thats ridiculously sexist. Just because you are female! Obviously you will not have innappropriate contact with them, they are related to you. It's humiiating that you are being treated like an oppressed female when you live in a free and progressive country.
I would start by asserting your freedom in small steps. Talk to people in your classes! Talk to boys! Your parents won't know that you do this. Try to make friends, and then try to spend time with them. Maybe if you invite one to your house for your parents to meet and see that she is a good influence, you will be allowed out with them.
My parents aren't strict but at times I do have to lie to them, and honestly that comes with the territory of being a teenager. You might have to slip a few white lies in to do what you want.
Do you have college plans? Did you ever think about applying to a college where you have to live there? If you can find a college a few hours from home that you can convince your parents you love and will give you a great education, you may finally get some freedom. They even offer all girl dorms, so your parents may be more comfortable with the idea.
Those are just some tips, because it's hard to say how to proceed since I don't know you parents. I don't want you to be disowned or punished, but if you want to get out there you will have to start some conflict. You must assert yourself and make your own choices. You are young, it's the best time to get out there and have fun! Don't let your parents hold you back.
Good luck,
-Abby
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this guy I like and my friend are going downtown tomorrow. I'm so nervous. HELP! (link)
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Well since it sounds like its the 3 of you going, it isn't an official date. So that should take a lot of the pressure off. This outing is for you two to see if you hit it off. Just be yourself, and talk to both of them. Don't make it awkward. Talk about school, movies, your other friends, stuff that the guy can talk about with you. You can be flirty with the guy, but don't over do it. I cant stress it enough, be yourself.
Good luck,
-Abby
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I am about to be a freshman in college and I am thinking about doing pre vet since I might want to go to vet school. I have always been interested in the veterinarian career and love biology/animals. However, I HATE chemistry! When I took chemistry a few years ago in high school I could hardly stand it! For some reason it was extremely difficult for me and I couldn't even find it interesting enough to study. It was one of my worst subjects in high school. The pre vet plan at my college includes a lot of chemistry, of course...general chemistry, biochem, organic chemistry. I am wondering if I should continue to pursue this career since I dislike the subject so much. I think that if I put forth enough effort to study (probably TONS AND TONS of studying..) I could do well in the classes, but should I even try vet school since I not only hate chemistry, but it's already proven to be one of my worst subjects? (link)
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I understand where you are coming from. I would love a career as a doctor or a chiropractor, but I am horrible at math and even worse at Chemistry. I barely passed that class, and it made me miserable.
Now if you are relatively good at the other requirements needed to be a vet, then you should try it. You will have to take Chemistry, but it won't be the most important class you take. You can get a tutor and work really hard at it, and I am sure you will pass. Don't let it hold you back.
If you are passionate about being a veternarian, then taking Chemistry and all the other difficult classes will be worth it.
Good luck,
-Abby
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What happens if a male masturbates every day and produces semen to come out would it have dangers later on in life and i am only 15 years old. (link)
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Plenty of guys masturbate everyday, even more then once. It doesn't cause health problems.
The only time you should be concerned is if you choose masturbating over your friends, family, or boyfriend/girlfriend. This can lead to an addiction.
Now when you get older and you might want to try to have kids, masturbating too much may make it a little harder by reducing the sperm count in each ejaculation. This is a long way down the line for you, so I wouldn't worry about it.
Good luck,
-Abby
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I am a 13 year old girl, who lives in MA. I really wanna go to boarding school but I know that it's expensive. It can be in this state or one nearby, prefebly one in massachusetts. an inexpensive one too. Websites and advice on them help. I wanna go because I think it would be a fun way of learning. Ive asked my mom before and she said no, but that's cause it's expensive so if theres a good one with a good price, hit me up! ;) thaanks! (: (link)
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The person below me had great advice, but there is one thing I'd like to add.
Financial aid and scholarships can help you out and make it possible for you to attend a boarding school. You can apply to some schools and they will typically offer you a financial aid package, if you request it. Your parents can decide if that is feasible after seeing the discount.
The school might be willing to bring you on if you are good at a sport or at an activity like theatre, or you can look at outside benefactors who offer scholarships. Do a search online. You will probably have to put effort into it, like writing an essay, but if you need the money then it is worth it.
Considering that you live in MA, it seems excessive for you to have to live at your school. It really is more of a financial burden on your parents when you could just stay at home and attend the same school. Also, you will be going to college in a few years anyway. That is just like a boarding school. And your parents will probably have to pay for both, so you are essentially making them pay college costs for 4 years of high school.
Also, not all boarding schools are the same. They have different philosophies and student bodies, different styles of teaching. You should do research and pick a school because it fits you, not just because it is a boarding school. And just so you know, typically these private schools are not easy to get into. The require applications and testing. It is time consuming and usually the school expects more work from you than a public school once you get there.
I'm not trying to be a downer, I'm just saying REALLY think about this before jumping in. It is a big decision.
Good luck,
-Abby
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18/f
I litterly just went to the washroom and saw this pinkish looking liquid in my underwear. I finished my period on Sunday and i had no like brown discharge or anything like that in the past couple of days. Just normal discharge. This has NEVER EVER happend to me. It doesn't even look like blood. Like if you really look at it there is some red in it, but it kinda looks pink. I have no clue why this is happening. I wiped myself afterward and found a little bit more of this pinkish liquid. Can anyone please tell me what this is? Has this happend to anyone before?
I first got my period bk in grade 9 so iv had it for about 3-4 years. It is regular and comes around every 28 days every month. Im not sick or anything.
Should i be concerned? Any advice would be helpful. Kinda freaking out a bit just cause this has never happend before lol. And iv had my period long enough to know my body's warning signs for my period to come and the brown discharge and breast soreness and everything. But i already had my period this month and it ended Sunday.I put a pad on just in case there is more. Im not in any pain or anything. Please help. Thanks for the advice in advance. (link)
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I am going to take a guess and say that it could be clear discharge mixed with some of the left over blood from your period. It will probably go away on it's own.
If this persists, or causes you any pain or weird symptoms, then go to the doctors.
Good luck,
-Abby
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I do count calories. They are 130 calories. Im not trying to eat the whole bag. Are they still bad even though they are baked? (link)
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Baked means they are typically better for you than the regular, but that doesn't mean they have a lot of nutritional value. Look at the nutrition facts. Does a serving have a lot of good things in it? If it doesn't have a good amount of protein or vitamins, and is mainly carbs and salt, then it is basically empty calories. That means you ingest the calories but there is very little in the food that your body can use, so basically you are wasting those calories instead of putting something good in your body that it can use.
You do need carbs, by the way, but Cheetos aren't the healthiest way to get them. Stick to whole grains when eating carbs. Whole grain bread and pasta are good options.
Don't torture yourself, you can treat yourself to a snack or dessert every so often depending on your progress. If you are one who eats really well but then gives up at the end of the night and binges on something, then giving in to your cravings just a little bit will keep you from overdoing it later.
Good luck,
-Abby
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13/f and I have a bestfriend.She really likes this guy,but she doesn't know if he has a girlfriend already.She's also said that she's not ready to ask him yet either.So she asked me to ask him,but I have no idea how to ask him. (link)
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Well, I would start a conversation with him and see if he brings up a girlfriend. Or you could just play dumb, like if he tells you he went to the beach last weekend you can say "Oh, did you go with your girlfriend?". If he doesn't have a girlfriend, he'll probably be confused. You can just tell him you thought he was going out with someone, and since he isn't you can say something like "I just thought a sweet guy like you would have a girlfriend." Your friend should be the one doing the talking, because it doesn't look good to the guy if she doesn't have the courage to do it herself. For one, it weirds them out. And guys can be really dumb sometimes, so he might think that you like him instead of your friend, and that can cause problems.
Tell her to be flirty but not desperate. If she puts herself out there but plays hard to get, he'll chase her if he's interested.
Good luck,
-Abby
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hey i am a girl and i am gonna b in the 8 grade in 3 weeks and i want to b a prep really bad nt becus i wanna popular or somebody else no i just have always wanted to be one bt never knew how so if u cn help thxs. no rude comments! (link)
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In my school, no one really was a 'prep'. You could just dress 'preppy'. In middle school that meant wearing name brands like Hollister and Abercrombie. That means ripped jeans, polos, t-shirts, etc. Also wear pearl/diamond stud earrings with it, and flip flops or uggs in the winter.
In reality, to dress preppy means to dress like you are in prep school, so think rich. Sweater sets, pearls, collared shirts, polos, khakis, etc. Brands like Ralph Lauren and J.Crew.
To be honest, the way you dress will not make you popular. I started high school and I dressed in brands like Hollister and Abercrombie and I often got comments on my outfits because people liked them, but it didn't make me popular. I was shy and quiet, so it was hard to make friends. If you can give a friendly, nice attitude to people, you will easily be able to make friends. Don't worry so much about what you wear.
Hope this answers your question.
Good luck,
-Abby
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Hi!!! So at my school they have a dress code. I really hate it because it doesn't give you a lot of options. Here it is:
NO JEANS (I really hate that.)
No denim
Must wear collared shirts
Cannot be low cut
No jeggings or treggings or whatever they call them
No bright colors
Makeup must be minimal and not a distraction
No excessive jewelry
Skirts, skorts, and shorts must be exactly or below two inches above knee (I'm serious about this one. They will literally come after you with a ruler)
Any ideas for cute styles? Any popular clothing stores that sell school uniform styles? Thanks!
Oh, and if it helps, I'm in middle school (link)
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Wow, what a strict dress code. With that I would almost rather having a set uniform so I wouldn't have to worry about putting outfits together.
First off, I would invest in khaki pants. You can get them at American Eagle or Aeropostle and you can get them pretty fitted, so you can show some shape.
For the warmer months, you can get some bermuda shorts (try Old Navy) or capris.
I don't know if you are into Polo shirts, but you can get them at any 'preppy' store like Abercrombie, American Eagle, Aero, or Ralph Lauren if you want some designer ones. You can get these in a variety of colors or just neutrals.
I have black denim pants, maybe you can get away with something like that.
I suggest trying to push your limits a little and wearing a skirt with non-transparent tights underneath. Or you can do dresses with tights. Try to find dresses that tie or can be belted at the waist, so you can show off your figure while covering up the rest of you. Sweater dresses are really cute for fall and winter.
http://www.google.com/imgres?q=gossip+girl+fashion&um=1&hl=en&sa=X&tbm=isch&tbnid=tGRCeFy3TQPmqM:&imgrefurl=http://everydayfacts.wordpress.com/2008/11/13/gossip-girl-fashion-from-the-show/&docid=yKRVBrlAWz1-3M&w=323&h=406&ei=zn85TvC3JMfTgAekhbnPBg&zoom=1&iact=hc&vpx=540&vpy=134&dur=40&hovh=252&hovw=200&tx=89&ty=79&page=1&tbnh=161&tbnw=147&start=0&ndsp=12&ved=1t:429,r:8,s:0&biw=1311&bih=506
http://www.google.com/imgres?q=sweater+dress&um=1&hl=en&tbm=isch&tbnid=OeHlo5NEpXnrfM:&imgrefurl=http://www.onlygowns.com/blog/sweater-dresses-become-trendier-with-each-passing-season.asp&docid=IBiQ40C_LynebM&w=370&h=325&ei=GIE5TqSeB8fZgAejy4jPBg&zoom=1&iact=hc&vpx=156&vpy=176&dur=202&hovh=210&hovw=240&tx=130&ty=150&page=1&tbnh=101&tbnw=116&start=0&ndsp=21&ved=1t:429,r:0,s:0&biw=1311&bih=506
For jewelry, I would get classic pieces like pearl/diamond studs (cheap at Claires) and you can mix and match bracelets like a few silver bangles with a pearl bracelet. A big, 'statement' watch can also add a sophisticated vibe while being practical, so no one can call you out on it!
http://www.google.com/imgres?q=layering+bracelets&um=1&hl=en&biw=1311&bih=506&tbm=isch&tbnid=WUtHIutI62IfQM:&imgrefurl=http://www.modlychic.com/2011/03/878layering-a-watch.html&docid=XyQ1fvWLPJyiTM&w=2160&h=2424&ei=i4A5TubLL8GSgQeQoJ3PBg&zoom=1&iact=rc&dur=130&page=2&tbnh=165&tbnw=147&start=18&ndsp=13&ved=1t:429,r:4,s:18&tx=43&ty=77
What can be really stylish and appropriate is a blazer. I got a really cute, fitted one at Kohls and I love to wear it out to give a polished vibe.
To show off some style and wear pieces that arent so conservative, you can layer them. Throw a lacy cami under a sweater so it peeks out, or put a cardigan that buttons up over a going out shirt.
Can you wear scarves? I know girls who wear a low cut top but layer a scarf on top to cover any cleavage.
You can probably find clothing you can work with at just about any store, it just depends how you wear it. Try your typical mall stores like the ones I mentioned above and Forever 21 or H&M, as well as department stores like Macy's.
Try going shopping with your friends and you can share ideas. Be creative!
Good luck,
-Abby
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Okay I don't know if you will actually answer this but here goes. SO I have been dating this guy for about 2 months and in the beginning I was so incredibly happy because this was my first bf but I mean come on I'm a 14 year old girl! But after awhile I began not wanting to be in the relationship anymore but then I do I just dont understand. I call it this "monster" inside me who can't be satisfied. He makes me happy but at times he can be so immature especially when he hang out with his friends.I thought of breaking up with him but I know i couldn't do that to myself nor him.But he can be REALLY sweet and does stuff that make me like him more... I don't know do you have any advice?
-L (link)
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You're only fourteen, it's okay to feel this way. It's your first relationship, so this is you learning and testing things out. Just because you two like each other doesn't automatically mean things will work out great.
You are at an age where you don't know what you want, and you don't have mature feelings. So you have times where you really like being in the relationship and times where you don't. That happens with all couples.
You may also be the person who doesn't like to settle down and wants to meet lots of guys, not just stick with one. Once again, you're young and this is fine.
Basically, ask yourself if the relationship is functional, if it makes you and him happy for the most part, and if you really care about him. If you are just in it because you want a boyfriend or you don't want to hurt him, then it isn't good for either of you. That is just leading him on, and will hurt him worse in the end.
Do what you have to do for yourself.
Good luck,
-Abby
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My boyfriend is turning 16 this tuesday and we've been together for 7 months now...i dont know what to buy him. i took him out to a restuarant, but i feel that i want to do something more, that i want to buy him something. he is very active and love his rugby, bikes.....please help! its urgent! something i can get 4 a R100 or less...... (link)
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Instead of getting my boyfriend a materialistic gift for his birthday, I got him a giftcard to the movies as well as candy and made a cute basket and card to go with it. Then we could go on a movie date together. It sounds like your boyfriend is adventurous and would like an experience rather than an item. Maybe you could plan a beach/lake trip, or find somewhere that you two can do something outdoorsy like ride go karts or four wheelers, or zip line, something he's never done before. Or you say he likes rugby, maybe you could get him tickets to a game?
You could find out what his parents are getting him and make your gift go along with that (if they get him a car, you can get him a steering wheel cover or a stereo or license plate cover, etc).
Or you could get him a DVD collection of his favorite tv series, or maybe a couple shirts from his favorite clothing store.
Think about it and I'm sure you can find him a gift he'll appreciate.
Good luck,
-Abby
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I'm a twelve year old girl and I feel like I have to just change my life completely. This one guy I was friends with in fourth grade told me how he felt about me, and I rejected him. I suddenly just hated everything about him. And I ran away. That was in fifth grade. So I've finished my sixth grade year and it's just gotten worse on my part. I don't know who's my friend and who is not. There's this really nice, cute guy I know but I don't know whether I like him or not because as soon as I forget him, I see him again and I just think about him more. Also, I feel like a lot of the kids in my grade talk about sex and it really scares me. Some days I just have a nervous breakdown just trying to figure everything out. Please help, thank you. I really appreciate it. (link)
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This time in your life can be very confusing. You are just starting to mature into a woman, and it seems like everything is up against you.
I remember feeling like you, and now I'm 18 and I can tell you things get better.
You feel like you have to make all these decisions right now, but you don't. No one is forcing you to like a boy or make something happen with him.
It's okay to think about a guy, and not really be sure if you like him. One day you will get to know a guy, and you will find that you have feelings for him. Maybe it's butterflies in your tummy, or he makes you sweat when you walk into the room. This is something special, and it will happen on its own time. I didn't start dating til my junior year of high school! Everyone does it on their own time. I find that if you wait a little bit longer, then you get to have more mature relationships. When people 'date' when they are your age, it's more like acting out what a relationship should be. It's not about the kissing or even sex, it's about caring for another person and listening to each other.
When it comes to friends, girls can be really catty at this age. They are obsessed with drama and attention, and they don't care about the feelings of others. If you can find a few good friends who you can really trust, that's great. If not, it will come in time. Once people get out of middle school, you'll find that it's a lot easier to find genuine friends and separate them from the not so sincere ones.
It's normal for kids your age to be curious about sex. What also scares me is when really young, immature kids have sex. You are not emotionally or physically ready at the age of 12 or 13 to have sex. There are going to be some people at your school who have sex now, but that doesn't mean you have to. You can wait until you are ready. Trust me, if you go into high school not a virgin, people will think your easy, not cool. I've never been peer pressured into having sex, or pressured by a guy. It's a personal decision, no one is going to say you're weird or scared if you don't want to do it. A lot of people leave high school still virgins. There is no rush. If anyone tries to pressure you, they probaby have their own issues and insecurities.
My best advice to you is to relax. There is no rush to figure out your feelings. You have the rest of your life to do that! When you are 12, you are going to make up your mind and change it a million times, and that's fine! Let it come naturally.
Good luck,
-Abby
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Hey there :D I'm 19/f.
I've been with my bf for almost 4 years, and we are best friends, totally in love, etc. So that doesn't really help my problem.
I can't stop thinking about having a baby. Thinking about it, looking up names, calculating costs... it's all like a guilty pleasure for me; because I know I am too young and should finish college and get married first. But it's like... this obsession that I have. I am also pretty mature for my age and my mom thinks that I am really modest, so she doesn't mind saying all the time how she can't wait for grandchildren-because she thinks that I would never even think about it till I'm older-but that just fans the flames for me. Even though my bf and I use condoms and BC, EVERY TIME we have sex I get all anxious and nervous thinking that... what if... and then when the idea of being pregnant sticks in my head I get extremely excited and happy about it and have to take like two pregnancy tests to show that I'm not, and then I'm like.. half relieved and half sad. I do worry a lot about what other people would say about me, and them being super disappointed in me though. I'm so confused by what my body is telling me!!! Is there any way to take my mind off of this? It's really bothering my bf. haha. Oh and another question, not long ago I was babysitting my aunt's baby and I was carrying her down the street, and I got tons of bad looks. Is it that uncommon to see a 19/20 year old with a baby? Do you automatically think they are irresponsible people? That's the vibe I got. Thanks :D and sorry, I didn't mean to write a whole book. (link)
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You have been in a relationship for a long time, and if you consider him to be your life partner, then it is normal for you to consider the next step in your lives which could be a baby.
A lot of women get baby crazy at some point in their lives. But you have to put your realistic priorities first over this. Since you are only 19, you have years before you need to worry about having kids. Enjoy this freedom, because once you have kids it's a whole new responsibility.
And people may see you with a baby and make assumptions that you had unprotected sex and are a mother out of wedlock. Teen mothers often get a bad stigma for being irresponsible and careless.
I would do more babysitting to fulfill your baby desire for the time being, and focus on your studies/job, etc. It is fun to fantasize though, but keep the thoughts to yourself because it may scare your boyfriend away!
Good luck,
-Abby
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I'm an 18 year old bisexual girl, and I'm a virgin. It's something that's always in the back of my mind and it does worry me - for years I have wanted to lose it. I wanted to be able to be promiscuous and not make a big deal of sex, but I just don't have it in me. I am not a naturally promiscuous person - I've tried, but I'm just not comfortable being that intimate with someone unless I am very, very close to them.
Now, here are some points I want to make. Firstly, I'm not someone who can't get laid. Not to sound big-headed, but I am considered attractive by most and get a lot of male attention (although I'm bisexual, I'm not out yet and don't tend to get attention from females). Secondly, I don't think there's anything wrong with being a virgin at my age. People should be able to have as little or as much sex as they want without being judged. However, I won't say I don't feel the pressures - I do, a lot. No one knows I'm a virgin apart from closer friends I've known since I was 13 or younger, I hide it from everyone else.
So, really, I know I should just be comfortable with it and wait till I find someone I am comfortable enough to have sex with. But here's the thing: I really want to have sex. I have such a high sex drive and it's something I constantly think and fantasise about. I want to start experimenting and having sex be a part of my life. I don't want to have to wait for someone I really, really like and who I'm really close to, because knowing me, that could take years.
But of course, the problem is, I know I'll find it difficult to have sex with someone I'm not close to (even if I'm attracted to them) and to tell them that I'm a virgin beforehand (I couldn't do it without telling them, because they'd either find out I was a virgin anyway, or just think I wasn't that good in bed.)
I guess my question is: what's worth it? Is it worth waiting and just being consumed by lust but not being able to have sex, until I find someone I'm really comfortable with? (And like I said, this could take years, I rarely fall for people seriously.) On the other hand, is it worth just getting it over with through an experience I might not enjoy, so I can start experimenting and having a sex life? And if you'd recommend the latter, how do I go about it?
I do have a lot of problems with physical intimacy which gets in the way of this, so if anything knows how I could sort this out, it would be greatly appreciated.
Thank you x (link)
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I understand where you are coming from, and it's great you are really thinking this through.
I'm a lot like you. I can't have meaningless hookups, and I couldn't imagine having sex with someone I wasn't close to. It's just uncomfortable for me, and it makes me feel guilty and cheap.
What you also have to consider is, sex is a big deal. It isn't just about pleasure. I lost my virginity at 17, and although it was exciting, it has caused a lot of problems.
You have to be very open with your partner. Being cautious of diseases and pregnancy is key. I got a couple of infections after sex, and it was awkward enough having to explain to my boyfriend what a yeast infection was, let alone some guy I barely knew. I've also had an experience where the condom broke and we had to go out and get the morning after pill. These things are all on you if you have sex with guys you aren't close with. I was too embarrassed to go buy condoms or the pill on my own, so it would be hard for me if my boyfriend wasn't there to help.
I thought it was worth it for me to be in a relationship before having sex. I was comfortable and not nervous at all when we did it. That made it enjoyable and memorable. I look back on it and have zero regrets, and thats what you want because your first time will be your most memorable.
When it's with someone you are close with, the partner will care about you. It will be okay if you have awkward or embarrassing moments, because you can laugh about it. I've learned a lot by being in a relationship, and it would have been hard to get those experiences without being embarrased if I did it with a random guy.
You can satisfy your sex drive with masturbation (vibrators are better than guys in many women's opinion) or you can have a guy finger you or perform oral sex. This may be hard, not going all the way, but the build up makes the experience so much better. Giving it away too easy can be a let down.
This is something you have to carefully consider, but if I was you I would wait. When you aren't forcing it, things will come naturally, as they are supposed to. Then it won't be awkward or forced, and you will have a good memory to look back on.
No matter what, please use protection. I can't stress it enough, pregnancy scares are horrible.
Good luck,
-Abby
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